The Disillusionement of the Transformers
by BackgroundRobot-11
Summary: Post season 3 G1. After many years of war, the Autobot's and Decepticon's grow annoyed with each other's antics. Crackfic. Next chapter is Q&A, so please send in questions.
1. Chapter 1

Hiya! First off, I do not own The Transformers, either G1 or the movies. Anyway, this is a short little crack fic that I made in my spare time, which unfortunately, I do not have enough off. I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for reading!

In the Autobot base on Earth, Jazz and Bumblebee were standing around a water cooler and talking

"…And that is why the new Transformers series sucks." Bumblebee told Jazz.

"Wow they really made you look like a loser, huh?" Jazz asked

"Oh yeah."

"Hey wait a minute, aren't you meant to be Gold Bug now?" Jazz asked.

"Uh well the thing about that is…uh…gottogo!" Bumblebee yelled running off.

Jazz got himself a cup of water from the cooler and slowly took a sip "My god my life sucks."

"Oh yeah, there's no denying that. I mean you got a real bit part in that movie they made about our Unicron adventure." Springer said, walking up to Jazz.

"Yeah if only they knew what I really did during that escapade, boy it was quite an adventure I tell ya, filled with magic and awesomeness that would make Star Wars look boring." Jazz said, fondly reminiscing.

"You gonna tell me about it then?"

"No. No I won't."

"You suck."

"Yeah well at least I didn't get tricked into making out with Starscream's ghost." Jazz countered.

"He had such a girly voice! I thought he was a woman!" Springer said angrily.

Starscream's ghost, who had inexplicably materialised next to the water cooler began to cry and then ran off.

"What a freak." Springer said as he watched him run off.

"Attention all Autobots report to the meeting room immediately." Optimus Prime said over the intercom "Aw jeez I think I just leaked transmission fluid…shit. Ratchet get in here!" Optimus continued not realising that he still had the intercom on.

"Hey wait isn't Ratchet dead?" Jazz asked

"Yeah well Optimus hasn't been the same ever since he came back to life, must have something to do with when we beat the crap out of him when he was a zombie." Springer said

"Heh, yeah you tripped him and I kept kicking him in the side repeatedly. What a day that was." Jazz said fondly.

Shortly afterwards, in the meeting room...

"All right Autobots…and Starscream's ghost, it seems that Galvatron is planning to steal the statue of Liberty." Optimus said.

"…Why?" Starscream's ghost asked

"Uh…well, because…you're a jerk and unloved!" Optimus yelled out, causing Starscream's ghost to burst into tears again and ran out of the meeting hall.

"What a freak." Sunstreaker said.

"As I was saying we need to stop Megatron!" Optimus said.

"Galvatron." Gears corrected.

"Galvatron." Optimus repeated

"…Why?" Blaster asked.

"Because…because…because…Aw screw it, lets all go to Tijuana instead! Autobots transform and rollout!" At this the Autobots all cheered.

Meanwhile, at the Decepticon base, Meg-I mean, Galvatron, was talking to his Skywar-I mean Bombsh-I mean...wait, who do I mean?

"Hmm well lets go through the things-to-do checklist Cyclonus." Galvatron said to his second-in-command "First, make up plan."

"Check." Cyclonus said

"Second go through with plan."

"Check."

"Third, get beaten up by the Autobots and leave in defeat."

"No." Cyclonus said.

"No? What do you mean no?" Galvatron yelled.

"Well we didn't get the crap kicked out of us by the Autobots because they didn't show. In fact Laserbeak says that they're all in Tijuana."

"What? Tijuana? Aw man, now what am I supposed to do? I don't even want the friggin statue of liberty!" Galvatron stormed off.

Cyclonus sighed "Why do I even put up with this crap? "

Meanwhile in Tijuana Sunstreaker was being…himself.

"So I told him, just because you're fifty feet tall doesn't mean I can't beat the crap outta you."

Ultra Magnus sighed "And then what?"

"Well then he hit me and I was sent flying…but in an awesome way!"

Ultra Magnus simply sighed again.

Jetfire was, by this point completely drunk.

"Hey Hot Rod, nobody likesh you, ya dumb wush. You shuck!"

"I'm Jazz you idiot!"

"Hey guys!" Perceptor called out "I just got a page from Spike, he says that the Decepticons are trashing a Nandoes."

The Autobots just stared and Perceptor glanced at his pager again. "Oh wait, that's a Burger King."

Instantly all the Autobots began rushing around, hoping to save the fast food outlet before it was too late.

Well, end of chapter 1. Hope you enjoyed it, I thought it was funny anyway, not too funny, but chuckle worthy. Apologies for the obvious Nandoes bashing, I just really hate that place. For those who don't get the joke about getting Cyclonus confused with Skywarp and Bombshell, in the original movie, Skywarp was reformatted into Cyclonus, and Bombshell was reformatted into Cyclonus' one man "armada", but for some reason, one of them dissapears for the rest of the film and is never seen or mentioned again, so yeah. I know it's a little short compared to my other Transformers fanfic, New Beast Wars, but I couldn't really stretch it out anymore, sorry. At the moment, I'm unsure when the next chapter's coming out, but hopefully soon. Don't forget to leave a review, and thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

Ahem, allow me to introduce...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE!...chapter 2. When I post this, it will be a Wednesday. Ah, Wednesday, the bane of my existence...also mail day. Anyway, I do not own the Transformers or any characters associated with the franchise. Without further ado, onto the story!

The Autobot forces strolled up to a police barricade outside of a Burger King. Inside, Dirge and Reflector(s) were demolishing everything, looting the cash registers and mocking the ridiculous attire of the staff.

"What's the situation officer?" Optimus asked, walking up to a police officer.

"God damn Decepticons came in, ordered a bucket of fried chicken and then went berserk when they were told that Burger King doesn't serve it!" The officer replied.

"Dumbasses." Jazz muttered.

"Alright then. First of all, we should-" Optimus announced, before being cut off.

"Not to worry, I'll fix this!" Wheeljack exclaimed, preparing to press down on a dynamite plunger.

"Hey, wait a second!" Gears said, motioning for Wheeljack to stop what he was doing "Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"Oh no" Wheeljack replied "That was just one of my many experiments! You didn't think that I was actually dead, did you?"

"Huh, I guess that would explain why the body exploded when we tried to lower it into the coffin. But how come we didn't realise until just-Oh shit!"

At that point, Gears became incredibly alarmed because Wheeljack pressed down on the plunger. The resulting explosion obliterated the Burger King.

"Well, I guess that's that then...mission solved!" Optimus declared triumphantly.

"Bu-Wha-?" A nearby police officer spluttered "There were nine hostages in there!"

"Acceptable losses!" Optimus replied cheerily.

"It's gonna cost the city millions to repair the damage that YOU did!"

"Not our problem! Let us know when it's fixed, Grimlock loves Burger King!" Optimus said, turning to leave.

Suddenly, Dirge's head, ripped from its body as a result of the explosion, began its descent and landed in Starscream's ghost's outstretched arms. Horrified, Starscream's ghost let out a shrill squeal, dropped the head, and ran off, crying.

"What a freak." Wheeljack muttered.

Meanwhile, at the Decepticon base, Reflector(s), badly burnt but still alive, returned to the base.

"So...much...pain..."He/They said weakly.

"Hey...uh, guys...? What's up?" Thundercracker asked, strolling up to Reflector(s).

"Thundercracker?" Reflector(s) asked "Weren't you shot?"

"I got better." Thundercracker replied.

"...And then thrown out into space?"

"I got better."

"...And then reformatted into Scourge?"

"Look, what part of "I got better" don't you understand?" Thundercracker asked, putting his hands on his hips and glaring at Reflector(s).

"Hey guys, did ya get the fried chicken?" Scourge asked, suddenly walking up to Reflector(s) and Thundercracker.

Reflector(s) optics shifted back and forth between Thundercracker and Scourge "This doesn't make a lick of sense!" Reflector(s) cried out, before storming off.

"What's...their problem?" Scourge asked.

"Phffft, no idea." Thundercracker replied with a slight wave of his hand.

"Scourge?" Cyclonus called out "I need you to-Oh my God!" Cyclonus exclaimed as he saw Scourge and Thundercracker standing next to each other.

"What?" Scourge asked.

"Uhhh...Galvatron...needs us on Earth for a...special mission..." Cyclonus replied, shocked to see Thundercracker standing next to Scourge.

"Oh, ok then, cya Thundercracker!" Scourge replied, turning to wave at..himself.

"Bye Scourge!" Thundercracker replied, before turning to leave himself.

Cyclonus stood where he was, rooted in shock before he asked himself: "What the hell is going on here?"

On Earth, Galvatron and Dirge were standing on a large podium, facing a large crowd of humans. Scourge and Cyclonus flew down to join him.

"People of Earth, I come before you with great news...for me! I have with me a hostage. If you do not bow to my will, then I shall terminate him! Understandably, I have chosen a person that the Earth simply could not function without, in order to increase the success of this plan!" Galvatron declared.

"Oh my god! Who is it?" An audience member yelled out.

In response, Galvatron brought out a cage. The audience members all gasped in shock, and some backed away. Inside the cage was some kind of horrible mutant. Its hair was as white as oblivion, and staring at it for too long actually hurt the eyes of the audience members. Its skin was a sickly green and it bore razor sharp teeth and claws. Worst of all however, were its empty white eyes, devoid not only of pupils or irises, but also devoid of a soul.

"Jesus Christ! What the hell is that thing?"Cyclonus asked in horror, taking a step back.

"Fred Phelps!" Galvatron exclaimed triumphantly.

Cyclonus, momentarily stunned, shook it off and slapped his forehead "Galvie you God damn idiot."

There was a brief silence in the audience, before someone shouted out "Kill it! Kill it with fire!"

Galvatron looked momentarily confused, before a large grin lit up his face "Ah, I see what you Earthlings are trying to do! Use the old reverse psychology on me eh? Well it's not going to work, so you can just forget about it!"

"No, we really mean it! Kill the son of a bitch!" The same audience member yelled out.

Suddenly, Jetfire, Strafe and Air Raid came down from the sky, shooting at the Decepticons as they began their landing. Dirge went down in a pile of smoking wreckage, killing him instantly. The next shot, aimed for Galvatron, instead hit the cage containing Phelps. The Phelps beast howled in pain as he was engulfed in a fireball.

"No! My plans are ruined!" Galvatron cried out as his hostage burnt to cinders.

"And let that be a lesson to you...don't mess with Earth!" Jetfire exclaimed as he landed.

"Uh...Jetfire, you just killed a human." Strafe pointed out, staring at the skeleton of Phelps, which was rapidly dissolving into a pile of green goo.

"No, it's ok, it was just Fred Phelps!" Someone in the audience cried out.

"Oh, well that's ok then." Strafe said in relief.

"You may have beaten us this time Autobots, but next time we shall win!" Galvatron declared as he flew off, Scourge and Cyclonus in tow.

Dirge groaned and began to get up, but Air Raid knocked him down again and began ripping his head off. Dirge's head, after some tugging, suddenly came off with a sickening snap.

"Jesus Christ! Was there any point to that at all?" Strafe asked in horror.

"None whatsoever!" Air Raid said, brandishing Dirge's head.

End of chapter 2. Yeah, as with the cartoon, Dirge has a lot of bad luck. I hope that his deaths will become something of a recurring gag. As you probably worked out by now, Cyclonus is the sane Decepticon, maybe even the only one. If anyone has any objections about the inclusion of Fred Phelps in the chapter, let me know and I'll replace him with someone else. Hope you enjoyed it, and don't forget to leave a review. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Dada-da-da-da-da! Here we are again! They Just Don't Care Anymore, chapter tres. As usual, I do not own any part of the Transformers franchise, pity me. In this chapter, we'll see some more of Dirge and Starscream's ghost, but we'll also see some Inferno too! So strap yourselves in and prepare for...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! (Yay!)

Downtown, the Decepticons Dirge, Thundercracker and the Insecticons were setting fire to anything and everything. Currently, Thundercracker was puzzling over the existence of the Insecticons...hypocrite.

"Uh...guys?" Thundercracker asked, turning to Bombshell, Shrapnel and Kickback "How is it that you exist? I saw you get thrown out into space!"

"Oh, those were our clones...clones." Shrapnel replied.

"Oh, well I guess that makes sense...kinda, but how come you never did anything of any importance after the Battle of Autobot City?"

"Err...Error! Error! Can't...can't...talk...talk...virus...virus!" Shrapnel began screaming after a short pause.

"Oh no! He's glitching up again! We better go repair him...over there...where you won't ask any more questions." Kickback said, before grabbing Shrapnel and dragging him away.

"Well that was weird." Dirge said, before exploding.

"At this point, I'm beyond questioning anything." Thundercracker said in a tired voice.

"Oh no! Who will save us from this fire?" A civilian cried as he ran from the flames.

"Did somebody say fire?" Inferno asked as he burst through a building (how he came to be in the building in the first place was anybody's guess).

"Randy Quench?" The pedestrian asked "Oh God no! We have a restraining order against you!"

"Huh?" Inferno asked, a look of surprise crossing his face "Noooooo, I'm Inferno! Autobot fire engine!"

"Oh good, then you're here to put the flames out?" The pedestrian asked eagerly.

"Putting out fires? Were the hell did you get an idea like that? No, I make fires much, much worse!" Inferno replied with a grin.

"Huh?" The pedestrian asked, before Inferno pulled out a fire hose and aimed it at him.

Instead of water however, napalm came flying out, hitting the pedestrian at full force.

"Oh God! I'm melting!" The pedestrian screamed in pain.

"Heh, heh! That's the napalm!" Inferno replied cheerily "And now, to make things much, much worse! Inferno away!"

Inferno walked up to a flaming building.

"Fire? No match for my friendly napalm!" Inferno said as he fired more napalm, this time plugging his hose down the building's chimney, destroying the house from the inside out.

Inferno then walked up to Dirge, who was using a flamethrower to torch a car.

"Fire? Poor foolish Decepticon, everyone one knows that napalm beats fire!"

"Then what beats napalm?" Dirge asked, a confused look on his face.

Instantly, Inferno frowned "Nothing beats napalm! Die for your blasphemy infidel!" And with that, Dirge caught the full force of Inferno's fury...also some napalm.

"Arrrgghhhh! I'm on fire!" Dirge screamed.

Inferno chucked at Dirge's hilarious death screams "And let that be a lesson to you! Don't mess with napalm!" Inferno said, before going off to torch more stuff.

Optimus Prime, Starscream's ghost, Wheeljack, Blaster and Jazz walked up to Inferno just as he was torching the birthplace of James Joyce...yeah, I have no idea who he is either...

"Uh...Inferno?" Optimus asked hesitantly, not wanting to get a healthy dose of napalm "Look, some of the guys and me have been talking, and we think that maybe you're...too violent for the Autobots."

Inferno balked "Too violent? But Blaster and Wheeljack are using a human as a football as we speak!" Inferno pointed out.

Optimus turned and noticed that Blaster and Wheeljack were indeed using a human as a football.

"Hey! Cut that out!" Optimus yelled at the two.

"And Starscream's ghost is zapping people with hearing aids with his null rays..." Inferno said, pointing at Starscream's ghost.

Optimus Prime walked over to Starscream's ghost and ripped his null rays from his arms.

"Damn it Starscream's ghost, we warned you about this! Now you have to spend time in the infernal pit of doom! Do you like spending time in the infernal pit of doom?" Optimus yelled.

In response, Starscream's ghost began to cry and ran off.

"What a freak." Inferno muttered "And Wheeljack's blowing stuff up!"

Optimus didn't even bother to turn around, despite the frantic screams and blowing-uppy noises he heard "That's what he does every Tuesday at noon! You should know his schedule by now!"

"But-" Inferno began.

"No buts Inferno! You're too damn violent for the Autobots, so we're banishing you to-"

"The Phantom Zone?" Inferno gasped in horror.

"Noooooo...We're just going to have Devastator kick you into space." Optimus replied.

"PREPARE FOR AN ASS KICKING...INTO SPACE!" Devastator said as he walked over to Inferno.

"Wait, Devastator's a Decepticon...why is he obeying you orders?" Inferno asked.

"We're renting him from Galvatron for five bucks an hour." Jazz replied.

"Oh...can I at least destroy one more thing first?" Inferno asked.

Optimus sighed "Fine! But just one thing!"

Inferno smiled, turned around and began looking around. He could see Thundercracker, _he might explode if he was drenched in napalm_, _but what if he were to fly off_, _then I would have wasted my shot! _Inferno thought to himself. Inferno looked some more and saw the Insecticons and their clones. _Too generic _Inferno thought. Then he saw Dirge. _Aha! Killing Dirge is always fun! _Inferno strolled up to Dirge.

"Huh?" Dirge asked, tired from his frequent deaths "Oh no! No! No! No! No!" Dirge pleaded as he saw Inferno walking up to him.

"Super special napalm time! Yeah!" Inferno let out a delighted squeal as he set Dirge on fire...again.

"Ok, you've had your fun, now it's time to be send into space!" Optimus reminded Inferno.

Inferno groaned. Devastator walked up, prepared his kick...and let loose a blow so strong that Inferno was set on fire as he flew through the air and into space.

"Wheeeeeee!" Inferno cried as he flew...on fire!

"He'll sleep good tonight!" Optimus said "Well, come on then, let's go kill some humans."

End of chapter 3. Yeah, somehow things got even more violent than before. Don't worry about Inferno, this happens to him at least once every week, so he'll be back! I hope you enjoyed it and please remember to leave a review! Thanks for reading, until next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

Y'ello, and here we have...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 4. In this chapter, you can expect even more randomness than before...Yay! As usual, I do not own The Transformers franchise or any of its characters...why do you taunt me so? Anyway, please leave a review when you're done and enjoy the story! Thanks for picking Ultimos-11 Stories, please sit back and enjoy the story, reading will commence in 5...4...3...Ah screw it, let's just go to the story!

* * *

The planet of Dextros was renowned for its beautiful resort locations, such as spas, hotels and arcades. Today however, it was known for being getting blown up by the Decepticons.

"Don't accept my coupon will you?" Galvatron yelled out as he began shooting at random civilians.

The Dextrians were known for having heads shaped like...whatever shapes fingers are...(please tell me what that shape is, I want to know), which were completely mechanical. On their heads were video screens with black backgrounds. The faces shown on their screens were humanoid except for the blue skin and black eyes and mouths. The Dextrians were also delightfully insane...Burrito!

"Yay! We're doomed!" A Dextrian cried out as Megatron shot at him.

"I'm gonna sing the doom song now, K? Doom, doom, doom, doom, doomy, doom, doom! Doomie, doomie, doom!" Another one began to sing.

By this point, Cyclonus was incredibly frustrated to see a species that was somehow more insane than Galvatron "Argh! For God's sakes Galvatron, just pay the full admission fee!"

"Never! I was given a coupon, and by God, I'm going to get in at half price!"

"Well at least call in Devastator, then we can get this over with quicker!"

"Oh...I can't." Galvatron replied as he squashed a Dextrian who was dancing like a monkey.

"What? Well why the hell not?" Cyclonus asked.

"I rented him to the Autobots for five bucks an hour! Wheeeeeee!"

Cyclonus immediately stopped shooting "You. Did. What?"

"I rented Devastator to the Autobots for five dollars an hour! Wheeeeeee!" Galvatron repeated as he shot at a self destructive Dextrian who was hitting himself in the head.

"Oh God damn it! This time you've gone too damn far Galvatron! I have had it and I'm putting my foot down!"

"Cyclonus, what are you saying?" Galvatron asked as he bit the head of a Dextrian and spat it out.

"I'm revoking your leadership privileges Galvatron! And you're not getting them back until you learn how to be a good leader...or at least a less stupid one!"

"But...But I need leadership! I need it or I will explode! That happens to me sometimes..." Galvatron pleaded.

"It's true, he does do that sometimes." A Dextrian piped up, only for Galvatron to kick it.

"Tough! Until you sort out your act Galvatron, no more leadership for you!"

"Noooooooooooooooo..." Galvatron paused to draw in breath "...ooooooooooo!"

* * *

Elsewhere, the Insecticons were shovelling a number of cheering Dextrians into their mouths and singing an off key version of _Hunger._

"We can't believe our Hunger! We want it so bad we can taste it!" Shrapnel and Kickback sung.

"Huh?" Bombshell asked, hearing a rustling sound elsewhere.

He walked off to investigate it. Moments later, his screaming could be heard...not that either Kickback or Shrapnel cared much.

"You hear something?"

"Yep...yep."

"Wanna go for a smoking brake?"

"Yep...yep."

The two walked off, passing Dirge, who was being eaten alive by a number of rabid Dextrians, although how they ate without mouths is a question that's probably left unanswered.

"Oh God! Somebody help me!"

* * *

Later, having successfully destroyed the resort area, Cyclonus called the Decepticons back to Astrotrain. In order to punish Galvatron, Cyclonus had him make the head count.

"Thundercracker?"

"That's my name, don't wear it out!"

"Dirge?"

"What it is, what it is?"

In response, Galvatron shot him for daring to use obscure seventies slang on him.

"Kickback?"

"Present!"

"Shrapnel?"

"Here...here."

"Bombshell?"

"Uh yes, hear sir, here!" Bombshell said, walking up to Galvatron with a cloth covering his chest.

"Why are you wearing a dress?" Galvatron asked, a confused look on his face.

"Uh...it's national...wear a dress day?" Bombshell replied nervously.

"Oh right! How could I forget! Oooh, and I see it's one of those moving dresses!"

Galvatron had noticed that the "dress" was rippling, despite Bombshells attempts to still it.

"Uh...yes...one of them moving dresses...yeah, that's what it is..."

"Well, that's everyone! All aboard!" Galvatron said, jumping into Astrotrain.

As Astrotrain took off, no one noticed a lone figure walking towards the landing site.

"All right guys! I have the snacks!" Octane called out "Guys? Guys? Ah, son of a bitch!"

* * *

In the Decepticon base, Thundercracker was lounging around, reading a novel, when he heard a shrill squeal. Instantly, Thundercracker got up and ran to find the source of the noise. Rounding a corner, he saw Starscream's ghost facing a giant bug. The bug's shell was a deep purple, so deep in fact, that it was almost black. Its legs however, were forest green and covered in spikes. Its eyes were silver and reflected light. Its mouth was incredibly disturbing to look upon, as it seemed to have the mouth of a real animal instead of an insect, only filled with razor sharp teeth and worst of all, three bright blue tongues. The beetle was as large as a Porsche and seemed to be devouring Dirge's head.

" Starscream's ghost?" Thundercracker asked "What are you doing here? I thought you left to join the Autobots?" The giant beetle momentarily forgotten.

"I...I came to visit all of you! I brought presents! But that two eyed, no horned, flying purple people beater came up and ate Dirge as I was giving him his present!" Starscream's ghost cried out.

"Jeez, calm down...it's probably harmless, I mean, Dirge dies all the time and-Oh my God!" Thundercracker exclaimed as the beetle tried to savage Starscream's ghost, only to pass right through him.

Starscream's ghost ran off, screaming as he fled.

"What a freak." Thundercracker muttered.

Suddenly, Blitzwing walked to Thundercracker "What's wrong? I heard shouting and-Holy mother of God! What the hell is that thing?"

Thundercracker bent over to reach a pipe "I don't know, but I want to kill it!" With that Thundercracker leapt at the bug and began pounding on its hard carapace with the pipe.

The bug hissed in response and tried to pull the pipe out of Thundercracker's hands with its three tongues.

While Thundercracker was engaged in the tug of war with the beetle and Blitzwing watched, Bombshell rounded a corner.

"What's-? Deidre! No, don't hurt her!" Bombshell pleaded, running up to the scene.

"Deidre?" Blitzwing asked.

"Yes, Deidre! I found her on Dextros! We fell in love so I smuggled her back with me!" Bombshell explained.

"Err...you do know that she ate Dirge right?" Thundercracker asked.

"And your point would be...?" Bombshell asked.

"Right, never mind. Anyway Bombshell...Deidre must die!" Thundercracker roared, ripping the pipe away from the beetle's grasp.

Bombshell threw himself between Deidre and Thundercracker.

"Wait no! I know you never approved of our love-"

"Dude, I found out two seconds ago!"

"But you have to give Deidre a chance! You see, we share something special, something that can only be shared by-Whoa!" Bombshell exclaimed as he suddenly fell to the ground.

Bombshell looked around to see what had made him fall, realised he no longer had a left leg, and then saw that it was in Deidre's mouth.

"Holy crap! Bitch ate my leg!" Bombshell cried out as Thundercracker and Blitzwing burst out laughing "All right, give me that pipe!" Bombshell snatched the pipe from Thundercracker.

"Hey! I need that to kill things!"

"I love you, but I have to kill you!" Bombshell yelled as he began bashing Deidre's carapace in with the pipe.

The Deidre beast let out a screech of pain as dark green goo began pouring from her half squashed carapace.

"Hey, how come when I attacked it nothing happened, but when you attacked it, it's as fragile as a Dirge?" Thundercracker asked.

"Easy, I'm better than you!" Bombshell exclaimed as he continued to bash Deidre's back in.

"What? Them's fighting words!" Thundercracker said as he launched himself at Bombshell.

"Cool." Blitzwing simply said, bringing out a bag of popcorn and watching the fight.

* * *

Elsewhere...

"Huh?" Dirge asked as he felt moisture on his head.

He looked up to see hundreds and hundreds of insect eggs attached to the roof of the base...and they were beginning to hatch!

"Oh fu-!" Dirge began, before a veritable army of beetle larvae pounced on him and begat devouring him.

* * *

End o' chapter 4. Well, it looks like Octane's stuck on Dextros, Cyclonus is acting Decepticon commander, and Shrapnel and Kickback are uncles! As most of you can probably tell, the Dextrians were based on GIR from Invader Zim, my favourite little automaton! Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed it, it sure was fun to write! Thanks for reading, and don't forget to leave a review!


	5. Chapter 5

Ahem, welcome to...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 5er. Yep...five. Anyways, I do not own The Transformers or any characters associated with The Transformers...oh, I made myself sad. Well, I suppose I should get on with the story...cough, cough...oh, right...Now sit back and enjoy a little tale that I like to call THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! And remember, not reviewing makes you a thief, a common thief, so you better do it.

* * *

In the Decepticon base, Thundercracker has just beaten the hell out of Bombshell after a remark about Bombshell being better than him. On the sidelines, Blitzwing and Scourge were watching.

"Well, Thundercracker won, so fork over the fifty seven bucks you owe me Scourge!" Blitzwing demanded, holding out his hand and flexing his fingers.

"Awww, I thought Bombshell was going to win!" Scourge moaned in disappointment as he payed Blitzwing.

"Say Scourge, why would you bet against yourself?" Blitzwing asked as he pocketed the cash.

"What do you mean? I wasn't fighting Bombshell, I was here, watching Thundercracker wail on him!" Scourge replied.

Blitzwing opened his mouth to ask further questions, and then closed it. _Forget it, this can only end in one big confusing argument which will eventually devolve into a fistfight._

* * *

Elsewhere, Soundwave had come upon the dead, deceased, scrapped, ex-remains of Dirge and had alerted acting commander Cyclonus about it.

"STATEMENT: I FOUND THAT WHINY LITTLE BITCH DIRGE LYING IN A POOL OF MECH FLUID, PERMISSION TO DESECRATE CORPSE?" Soundwave asked.

Cyclonus thought it over "Well, better let me take a look at it first, last time someone desecrated Dirge's corpse, they failed to notice that he had a contagious case of space moss, and we all know what space moss does." Cyclonus warned.

Soundwave shuddered "CONFIRMATION: YES, WE ALL KNOW WHAT SPACE MOSS DOES, IT'S NOT PRETTY."

Soundwave led Cyclonus down the halls until they found Dirge's corpse, riddled with gaping holes made from tiny teeth.

"STATEMENT: BODY HAS CLEARLY BEEN SAVAGED BY SOME FORM OF HOSTILE LIFE FORM...POSSIBLY A LUCAS CRUIKSHANK."

Cyclonus thought it over "Hmmm...no, these bite marks are too small for a Cruikshank...no, I think we're dealing with a number of Dextrian iron parasites, probably smuggled from Dextros by that idiot Bombshell. We'll have to call an exterminator."

"OFFER: EXTERMINATOR NOT NECCESAR, EJECT RUMBLE, FRENZY, RAVAGE, RATBAT, ENEMY, BUZZSAW, GARBOIL, SUNDOR, HOWLBACK, GLIT, BEASTBOX, SQUALKTALK, OVERKILL, SLUGFEST, AUTOSCOUT, FLIP SIDES EJECT!"

One by one, the Decepticon Mini-Cassettes ejected from Soundwave, as Cyclonus balked.

"Jesus man, how much room do you have in there?" Cyclonus asked.

"STATEMENT: I'M SURPRISINGLY ROOMY. NOW MY MINI-CASSETTES, SEARCH AND DESTROY ALIEN INSECTOID LIFE FORMS!"

"Yes sir mister Soundwave sir!" Frenzy said with a salute, before running off, the others soon scattering in random directions.

"Hey, wait a minute! I didn't see most of those guys in the cartoon! Soundwave, you know the rules we only use cartoon characters! Call em' back!" Cyclonus ordered.

"Fourth wall! You're breaking the Fourth Wall!" Thrust screamed, appearing as if from nowhere.

Cyclonus sighed "I meant that most of those guys didn't have contracts allowing them to star in the cartoon series about out adventures, so we don't get paid for showing them! Anyway, Soundwave, call em' back!"

"APOLOGY: REGRETABLLY, I CAN NOT, THEY REFUSE TO COME BACK UNTIL THEY ARE TIRED."

Cyclonus sighed "Well how long until those little bastards get tired then?"

"ANSWER: IN EIGHT TO NINE HOURS...THEY GET HYPED UP ON COFFEE IN THERE AND LOVE TO STRETCH THEIR LEGS." Soundwave explained.

Cyclonus growled "Oh, well that's just great! Now we got a bunch of hyped up, non cartoon characters running around the base! When this is all over Soundwave, I'm putting you in the infernal pit of doom."

"INSULT: I WAS A MUCH BETTER SECOND IN COMMAND THAT YOU ANYWAY." Soundwave said as he walked off.

Cyclonus stared "What? Come back here you uncharismatic bore!"

* * *

In another part of the base, Soundwave's Mini-Cassettes were searching for the disgusting offspring of Bombshell. Suddenly, they came upon Starscream's ghost.

"Hey, it's Starscream's ghost!" Frenzy stated the obvious.

"Yeah, no shit Sherlock!" Rumble said.

"Well, what's he want?"

"I don't know...maybe we should kill him!"

"Yeah! Let's do that!" Frenzy said eagerly, and the Mini-Cassettes all walked up to Starscream's ghost in the most menacing manner they could...by doing the Moonwalk.

"Hey guys! Wow, great dance moves!" Starscream's ghost said, enjoying the performance.

"Shuddup!" Rumble ordered "We're here to kill you!"

"...Why?" Starscream's ghost asked.

"Uh...well, because...Damn it! He's defeated us with logic!" Frenzy cursed.

"Um, well I'm not sure that's logic as much as it is asking why you'd want to kill me for no discernable reason...Anyway, I've brought presents!" Starscream's ghost said happily.

"Presents! Yeah, presents!" Beastbox cried out in excitement, jumping up and down.

"Here they are!" Starscream's ghost said as he handed each of the Decepticon Mini-Cassettes envelopes.

They all ripped the envelopes open to see...coupons.

""Come and see the deluxe day resorts and spas that we have to offer on Dextros. This coupon will allow you to enter at half price and enjoy our special deluxe spa day. Expires September 17th, 1984." Hey, wait a minute!" Rumble read off the coupon.

"What's the use of expired coupons? Starscream's ghost, you little...Hey, where'd he go?" Frenzy asked, looking around for Starscream's ghost, who had suddenly disappeared "Starscream's ghost, you son of a bitch!"

"Hey, weren't expired coupons the reason for Galvatron going crazy back on Dextros?" Flip Sides asked.

"Huh...yeah, I think it was...could there be more to Starscream's ghost...than meets the eye?" Enemy asked.

Ravage growled, properly translated, it would have sounded something like "What a freak."

"Hey guys? What was our mission again?" Beastbox asked.

"I dunno, probably some senseless destruction like we always do." Enemy replied.

"Yeah! Senseless destruction!" Frenzy cried, before using his pistons arms to hammer the ground.

Soon, the others were joining in on the chaos, Rumble and Enemy also using their piston arms to create gigantic holes into the ground. Beastbox and Squalktalk had since combined into Squawkbox and were now shooting wildly into the walls of the base. Buzzsaw, Garboil, Sundor and Ratbat were not only shooting wildly, but they were also raking their talons along the walls, leaving deep scratches. Overkill and Slugfest were ramming everything in sight, even each other. Howlback meanwhile, was using a statue of Megatron as a scratching post. The only Decepticon Mini-Cassettes not involved in the senseless destruction were Ravage, Laserbeak, Autoscout and Flip Sides.

"Ok, this is getting re-goddamn-dicoulous." Flip Sides said.

Ravage growled ("I concur.")

Laserbeak screeched ("Why do we work with these morons anyway?")

"No idea" Flip Sides replied "Hey, wanna go get drinks? I know a great bar on Io!"

Autoscout tooted his horn ("Sure, sounds like a plan.")

Laserbeak made...some kind of generic bird call...I don't know ("Do they serve vodka?")

* * *

Later, Cyclonus and Soundwave were walking through the base, looking for the Mini-Cassettes, when they stumbled upon the wreckage site.

Cyclonus stared at the damage that the Mini-Cassettes had caused. "Oh, God damn it! One thing! One God damn little thing and your little idiots screw that up! I am sick and tired of all this crap! I quit, you hear me? I quit!"

"Actually Cyclonus, you can't quit." Galvatron said as he walked up.

"What? Why the hell not?"

"It's in your contract, see? Right here it says "Bound to serve Galvatron until _Armada_, where you shall be reformatted into a lazy, unintelligent helicopter.""

Cyclonus glared "And if I quit anyway?"

"Then the only job available for you will be cleaning out the insides of Unicron, where you'll have to pick corpses and small planetoids out of his teeth."

Cyclonus screamed "Oh God damn it! Screw this! I'm going to Tijuana!"

"He'll be back." Galvatron said.

* * *

End of chapter 5. Yep, we finally see Soundwave and his Mini-Cassettes...and how absolutely useless they are , except for Ravage, Laserbeak, Flip Sides and Autoscout...who transforms from a cassette tape into a scooter...yeah, he must have picked the short straw or something. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, and don't forget to leave a review, cause, you know...thieves. Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

'Allo, 'allo and welcome to…THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 6. As opposed to the last two chapters, this chapter shall focus on the Autobots…so, yeah. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and please remember to leave a review! Thanks for reading.

* * *

Oh, and I do not own The Transformers…damn…

In the Nevada desert, Tracks, Sunstreaker and Warpath were talking to Dirge.

"So…do you have the diamonds?" Sunstreaker asked.

"Uh huh, got em' right here!" Dirge replied, patting a box that he held.

"Good, and as promised, a first aid kit in exchange!" Sunstreaker replied, clutching a first aid kit.

"Oooh, I can't wait to own my very own first aid kit! It'll really help for when I blow up!" Dirge said.

"Uh huh. Now, give us the diamonds, and you can have your first aid kit!" Sunstreaker demanded.

Dirge threw the box of diamonds at Sunstreaker, who caught it, and in response, Sunstreaker threw the first aid kit at Dirge…which promptly hit him in the head and bounced off.

"Ooof! What'd you do that for?" Dirge asked.

"Sorry, it was an accident."

"That was really stupid! You could have given me a concussion!"

"Look, I said I was sorry."

"That's no excuse!"

"Well you could have caught it!"

Dirge grumbled something about Sunstreaker being a bastard and flew off. Shortly after takeoff, the hidden explosive that the three Autobots had placed inside of the first aid kit exploded, scattering Dirge bits everywhere.

"If God had intended Seekers to fly…" Warpath began.

"He would have given him wings Mr. Warpath." Tracks concluded, and the two walked off, hand in hand, leaving a baffled Sunstreaker standing there holding a box of diamonds.

"Friggin' weirdos!" Sunstreaker muttered to himself as he followed them.

AND CUE THE THEME SONG AND OPENING TITLES! WHEE!

!

"What the [CENSORED] was that?" Jazz asked in shock, appearing out of nowhere "Wait, why can't I say [CENSORED]? What the [CENSORED] is going on around here?"

* * *

Later, the Autobots were all lounging around their Autobot base, Autobotting it out. Powerglide was working on his ships in bottles collection, while Wheelie was sitting in a corner and hitting himself over the head repeatedly with a frying pan.

"Pounding my head is lots of fun, I hope I don't hafta kill a nun!" Wheelie rhymed.

Powerglide sighed "I swear, your rhymes are getting worse and worse you little freak!"

"Don't be mad! It'll make me sad!" Wheelie responded.

"Go play in traffic you little freak!"

Wheelie got up, dropped the frying pan and ran off, shrieking as he did so.

"Recruits are getting dumber and dumber every year." Powerglide muttered to himself.

"Oh, you can say that again!" Hound said, walking up to Powerglide "I mean, how do you think I feel? I have to train those creepy little bastards!"

"Since when do you train the new recruits?" Powerglide asked.

"Ever since Prime made me the head of "Hound's Boot Camp and Marriage Counselling Retreat.""

Powerglide balked "Marriage Counselling Retreat?" He repeated.

"Yeah, I don't really know how that one happened…" Hound replied uncertainly.

"Are you any good at marriage counselling?" Powerglide asked, a confused look on his face.

"Mmm, well about 78% of the married couples that come to the camp leave and get divorced." Hound replied.

"And the other 22%?" Powerglide questioned.

"Are batshit insane." Hound replied.

"O….k…Well, I suppose most married couples would have to be pretty insane to accept marriage counselling from a giant robot who transforms into a military jeep!"

Tracks, Warpath and Sunstreaker suddenly came in.

"Oh, thank God! A way out of this conversation!" Powerglide burst out, much to the shock of Hound "Hey! What have you guys been up to?"

The three froze.

"Nothing! We're certainly not planning to construct a giant, diamond powered super laser death machine!No siree bob!" Tracks said, earning a smack to the back of the head from Warpath.

"Shut up Mr. Tracks! It's supposed to be a secret!"

"Oh, of course Mr. Warpath, of course."

"Um…we're working on a little construction project…a fifty foot tall statue of me!" Sunstreaker quickly said, glaring at Tracks and Warpath.

"Uh…yeah, that's what it is…" Warpath said reluctantly.

"Yeah! Yeah! Bigass statue of Sunstreaker!" Tracks said quickly.

"Um…ok, well good luck with that…" Powerglide said in a very confused tone of voice, a quick glance at Hound showed that they were both, equally confused.

"Well, I guess we better go then! Come on Mr. Tracks!" Warpath said.

"Oh, coming Mr. Warpath!" Tracks replied, hurrying to keep up with Warpath.

"Friggin' weirdos!" Sunstreaker muttered, before following the two.

"Well…that was weird…" Hound said.

"What do you suppose that was about?" Powerglide asked.

"No idea, we probably don't even want to know."

* * *

Elsewhere, Wheelie was playing with an electric fence…by touching it, screaming when he got shocked, and touching it again in an incredibly bizarre cycle.

"What the hell is it doing?" Huffer asked Gears.

"No idea…wait, aren't you supposed to be dead?" Gears asked.

"Nope."

"Oh, ok then."

Wheelie finally seemed to have gotten bored with whatever he was doing, and stood to get up…before sitting down again and grabbing the electric fence with both of his hands and giggling dementedly when a massive surge of electricity ran through his body.

"Pray to God that that thing never reproduces." Huffer said to an astonished Gears.

"Dear God! I feel as if my IQ is actually going down just by watching it!"

"Let's poke it with a stick!" Huffer suggested.

"Good idea!" Gears replied, as the two began advancing on Wheelie, both wielding sharpened sticks which they had produced from hammerspace.

* * *

Elsewhere…

Red Alert shuddered.

"Red Alert? What's wrong?" Inferno asked as he hosed the base's pot plants with napalm.

"I don't know, but it almost felt like terrible atrocities where being committed by two lunatics wielding particularly sharpened sticks…oh wait, its gone."

* * *

End of chapter 6. Yeah, mostly filler, if you could even say that this fic had a plot. I hope it didn't disappoint anyway. I hope you enjoyed the nonsensical goings on of the…for lack of a better word, let's say "story." Until next time, thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

He-he-he-he-he-hello, and welcome to THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 7. Once again, I do not own The Transformers or any characters that are associated with The Transformers...Awww. Anyway, continuing on where last chapter left off...randomness. Well, I hope you enjoy the story, and please remember to leave a review. Thanks for reading!

* * *

The Autobots were surveying a scene of unimaginable carnage and horror...the local brewery had been destroyed.

"My God! Who could have done something so downright mean!" Cliffjumper exclaimed.

"No beer?" Starscream's ghost whimpered.

"Hmmm, it looks like the work of some kind of evil organisation!" Red Alert said, leaning down to investigate the senseless destruction.

"The DORE Clinic?" Wheeljack asked in horror.

Red Alert sighed "Wheeljack, just because we sent you to the DORE clinic to undergo tests to see if you had ADD, doesn't mean it's evil!"

Wheeljack glared at them "Oh I'm sorry, because there's absolutely nothing evil about an organisation which hires a bunch of condescending liars who subject you to a series of humiliating "exercises"! Nope, nothing evil about that at all! I didn't even have ADD, it was Asperger's man! Asperger's!...Bastards."

Jazz sighed "Moving on, I think it's obvious as to who did this, right guys?"

The other Autobots all looked at Jazz blankly.

"Oh sorry, sometimes I forget that I'm talking to a bunch of IDIOTS!" Jazz screamed "It's the God damn Decepticons morons! Who the hell else?"

The other Autobots all suddenly began Oh-ing and making up excuses. Starscream's ghost however, screamed and ran off crying.

"What a freak...oh, but I totally knew it was them!" Cliffjumper said.

"Not a shadow of a doubt!" Red Alert added.

"Screw the DORE Clinic!" Wheeljack yelled.

Jazz sighed "Whatever, look, let's just go over to their base, and beat the shit out of them, do you idiots think that you can do that?"

"At once sir!" The other Autobots barked, before transforming and driving off.

"Dumbasses." Jazz muttered, before reluctantly following them.

* * *

Elsewhere, everyone's favourite sociopath, Blades was tearing Decepticons to shreds alongside Tracks, Sunstreaker and Warpath.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I sure do love killing me some Decepti-freaks!" Blades joyfully exclaimed as he gutted Dirge with his blades.

Blades joyfully exclaimed as he gutted Dirge with his blades.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Sunstreaker said, a look that was somehow both disgust and horror on his face.

Warpath and Tracks meanwhile, were holding one of the Sweeps at gunpoint.

"Well Mr. Warpath, it looks like we have a traitor." Tracks said, turning to Warpath.

"Indeed Mr. Tracks, such a pity." Warpath said.

"Uh look, I can give you the diamonds, just...please don't kill me!" The Sweep pleaded.

"Very well, the diamonds?" Sunstreaker asked, holding out his hands.

The Sweep pulled the diamonds out of a hidden compartment in his leg and handed it over to Sunstreaker. Almost instantly following that, Tracks threw Scorponok at the Sweep.

"Argh!" The Sweep cried out as Scorponok crushed him under his massive weight.

"Jesus Christ! What the hell was that about?" Sunstreaker asked in shock.

"Curious, isn't it Mr. Warpath...how everyone who touches those diamonds seems to...die?" Tracks asked.

"Friggin' sadists." Sunstreaker muttered.

"Friggin' awesome!" Blades exclaimed, watching the Sweep's hand twitch weakly under Scorponok's bulk.

"Well, we have what we came here for, so Transform and Roll Out!" Sunstreaker commanded, and began to speed off before Optimus Prime stopped him "Gah!"

"Hold it right there Sunstreaker!" Optimus commanded, holding a hand out to block Sunstreaker.

"Uh...Optimus! What a...pleasant surprise...what brings you here?" Sunstreaker asked.

"You stole my line! Only I get to say "Transform and Roll Out"!" Optimus said, glaring at Sunstreaker.

Sunstreaker sighed in relief "Oh, is that all? I mean, forgive me Optimus, I promise to never do it again!"

"Good, make sure you don't!" Optimus ordered, before Transforming and Rolling Out.

"I truly am a genius! A magnificent, beautiful, glorious..."

As Sunstreaker continued to talk about himself, Warpath and Tracks were talking with each other.

"Mr. Warpath?" Tracks whispered to his associate.

"Yes, Mr. Tracks?" Warpath responded.

"Why is Blades with us?" Tracks asked, turning to look at Blades, who was currently vivisecting a screaming Dirge.

"Oh, well Mr. Tracks, Sunstreaker said that we needed a muscle man who would do all the work without questioning anything!" Warpath replied.

"Oh...but why not use one of the Dinobots?"

"Not dumb enough...or bloodthirsty enough." Warpath said, looking at Blades, who had moved on from vivisection and was now dunking Dirge into a vat of acid.

"...Where did he get that vat of acid?" Tracks asked.

"No idea Mr. Tracks, but I think it would be better if we didn't ask him...or talk to him...or go within five feet of him..." Warpath said, staring at Blades in shock.

"...Handsome, intelligent, awesome genius!" Sunstreaker concluded.

"Oh, I'm sorry, are you done?" Warpath asked.

"Indeed I am, quite a shame really, there are not nearly enough words to convey just how great I am!" Sunstreaker said "Well, come on, that diamond powered death machine isn't going to build itself, and we still need more diamonds!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Jazz and his team of idiot Autobots had just arrived at the gates of the Decepticon base.

"Well, we're here...now what?" Cliffjumper asked.

"Hmmm, I don't know." Red Alert said cheerfully.

Jazz sighed "Alright then, does anyone have a plan?"

Cliffjumper raised his hand.

"Yes Cliffjumper?" Jazz asked wearily, expecting to be disappointed.

"Yes! I don't!" Cliffjumper said enthusiastically.

Jazz sighed "Well, if you didn't have a plan, why did you raise your hand?" Jazz seethed.

"To tell you about how I didn't have a plan!" Cliffjumper replied, a moronic grin lining his face.

Jazz screamed in frustration "Idiots! God damn idiots, the lot of you!"

"Actually Jazz, I have a plan!" Wheeljack said.

"Oh yes? And what is it then?" Jazz asked through gritted teeth.

"Blow it to hell!" Wheeljack exclaimed as he pressed down on a dynamite plunger.

The explosion was fantastic, and it completely obliterated the Decepticon base...and a good part of the city...hundreds died.

In the wreckage, Cyclonus and Galvatron stood there in shock.

"What...the hell...?" Cyclonus asked.

"Autobots!" Galvatron exclaimed "Decepticons, attack!"

"What Decepticons? We only had Dirge and a bunch of Sweeps in there! They're all dead!" Cyclonus yelled at Galvatron.

"Oh...wanna go for drinks?" Galvatron asked, turning to the Autobots.

"Sounds like a plan!" Cliffjumper said, strolling towards Galvatron.

"But...What?" Jazz exclaimed "He's the enemy people! We have to fight him!"

"But...drinks!" Red Alert reminded as he walked towards Galvatron.

Jazz sighed "Frigging idiots...I'm surrounded by frigging idiots."

"I know how you feel..." Cyclonus said sadly.

The two sighed as their allies got wasted.

* * *

End of chapter 7. Well, I hope that you enjoyed it. I'll try to update as soon as I can, which should be soon, hopefully. No offense intended to anyone who has Asperger's Syndrome, I'm insulting the DORE Clinic, not you, the same can be said for anyone who has ADD. Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed it don't forget to leave a review. Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

Hello once again to THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 8. I do not own The Transformers or any characters associated with The Transformers...but if I did, this would be a cartoon. As usual, I must warn you all that this chapter is very, very funny, and those of you with young children may want to send them off to bed and...what's that? Oh my, it seems that the chapter is so funny, that parliament won't even let us show it. Instead, they've suggested the 1948 classic, _200 Miles to Oregon_...bastards!

BZAPP!

_There is nothing wrong with your computer screen. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. WE are controlling transmission. If WE wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We can reduce the focus to a soft blur, or sharpen it to crystal clarity...so pray that there are no photos of Rose O'Donnell. WE will control the horizontal. WE will control the vertical, but not the diagonal, the diagonal is for wussies. For the next...however long it takes you to read this, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... __THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 8__._

* * *

Inside of his secret lair, Johnny Evilguy was standing on a balcony, staring down at the tied forms of Optimus Prime and Hound.

"Johnny Evilguy, you fiend!" Optimus spat.

"Yes, yes I am, thank you for saying so." Johnny replied.

"What do you plan on doing with us?" Hound asked.

"I shall commit the ultimate atrocity...I shall make a gritty reboot staring all of you! And it will suck!" Johnny said, laughing maniacally.

"A gritty reboot? No, you fiend! Not that, anything but that!" Optimus exclaimed in horror.

"Gritty reboots are blights on society! They destroy credibility...and they suck!" Hound said, eyes wide open in shock.

"Yeah, and they totally ruined Spyro the Dragon for me!" Optimus added.

"Yes! That is the whole point! I, Johnny Evilguy, plan to destroy all forms of entertainment by remaking every single film, cartoon and video game into gritty reboots...except for _Twilight, _that's already ruined." Johnny Evilguy said, shuddering at the mere mention of the word _Twilight._

"True, very true." Hound said with a nod of his head.

"Well, now that my villainous exposition is out of the way, it's time to carry out my evil plan!" Johnny Evilguy said as he pulled out a button"Hey, what's that do?" Hound asked.

"This." Johnny Evilguy said simply, before he pressed it.

* * *

Red Alert walked up to Inferno.

"Oh Inferno, what's the point of it all? The Dinobots, Prowl, Superion and Huffer are dead, killed by Decepticons, and I just found Starscream's ghost, dead in his room!" Red Alert despaired.

"Oh no! Now our epic struggle of good versus evil has gotten worse! And that poor, tragic soul, Starscream's ghost! Who will serve as our woobie now?" Inferno cried.

"Alright, hold it, hold it!" Jazz exclaimed, motioning for things to stop "What the frag is going on here? Have you all gone crazy...er?"

"No, we were simply bemoaning over our fates! Oh woe is us!" Red Alert moaned.

"Ok, this is the biggest load of BS I've ever heard!" Jazz said, glaring at the two "And where the hell is Prime?"

"Hic...here I am Jazz..." Prime said as he stumbled into view, clutching a bottle of whiskey in his hand.

"Are you drunk?" Jazz asked.

"Yes, there is so much strife and injustice in the world that I could not bear to stand it sober, so I have become an alcoholic...at least until I get a big redeeming scene where I overcome my problems in order to lead us all to victory." Prime said.

"Ok, you know what? Screw this! I'm going to get Cyclonus, and together we're going to fix this! I'm outta here losers!" Jazz said, flipping everyone off as he walked away.

"...Woe..." Inferno said, before Jazz shot him as he left.

* * *

In the Decepticon base, things were not much better. Dirge was propped up against the wall, missing an arm and a leg, a gaping wound in his torso.

"Oh, I have been shot and I am wounded!" Dirge said.

"I shall prove my villainy by killing you now that you are worthless!" Megatron said, shooting Dirge in the head with his cannon.

Cyclonus walked up, confused as to what was going on "Megatron? Why are you back?"

"I am not Galvatron yet, although I may be in the sequel...yes, I probably will be." Megatron replied.

"And we are now separate characters!" Skywarp said, walking up to Cyclonus.

"Ok, this is getting annoying, just what the hell is going on here?" Cyclonus asked.

"Apparently, Johnny Evilguy has transformed the entire world into one great big gritty reboot with the push of a single button!" Jazz said as he made a dramatic entrance...normally this would have involved killing Dirge in some way, but because they were in gritty reboot world, Dirge would be staying dead, so instead, Jazz kicked a door down.

"Huh, well I guess that it explains it then, but how did you know?" Cyclonus asked.

"Plot hole, all gritty reboots have them by the bucket load!" Jazz replied, scowling in annoyance.

"Damn these gritty reboots! I hate them so much! They only work for Batman, they destroy everything else!" Cyclonus growled.

"I know, they ruin everything, especially these New James Bond movies!" Jazz spat in contempt.

"Tell me about it." Cyclonus said, rolling his eyes "Well, off to kill the bad guy and fix this mess!"

* * *

In Johnny Evilguy's secret lair, Evilguy was watching the events unfold on a gigantic screen.

"Yes! My dastardly plan is working! Soon, everyone will despise the Transformers, allowing me to pave way for a whole new wave of gritty reboots! Well, back to work on Star Wars, episode I: The Attack of the Gritty Reboot! Oh, and I must remember to make a cartoon mocking Australians, they don't really deserve it, but it is evil." Evilguy said to himself.

"Not so fast Evilguy...wow, what a cliché!" Cyclonus said as he and Jazz burst through the walls of Evilguy's hideout.

"Gasp! Why aren't you affected by my gritty reboot rays?" Evilguy asked.

"it only seems to work on the terminally stupid." Jazz explained.

"But...then were are Thundercracker, Ultra Magnus, Perceptor, Flip Sides, Lazorbeak, Autoscout and Ravage?" Evilguy asked, a confused look on his face.

"They're really lazy!" Cyclonus said, grimacing at his failed attempts to get them to help.

"Well, no matter, even with you here, you cannot stop me! Watch as I foil you with my screening of the gritty reboot of Veggie tales! It only covers the depressing Bible tales!" Evilguy said with a maniacal cackled as the screen behind him started playing.

"God, why did you kill my family?" Pickle Job asked.

"To prove a point to my enemy." God responded.

"Oh God! So awful!" Jazz gasped, falling to his knees.

"Must...fight...crappiness!" Cyclonus said weakly, as he raised his weapon and fired at the screen.

"What? No! No one can resist the power of a gritty reboot!" Evilguy exclaimed.

"Well it looks like we just did!" Jazz said as stood up.

"Eep." Evilguy said as Jazz and Cylclonus loomed menacingly above him.

* * *

"...And that's how we saved the day!" Jazz concluded.

"Wow! That was quite a tale!" Blaster said in wonder.

"Yes, yes it was." Cyclonus responded.

"But, there's one thing I don't get, what did you guys do to Evilguy?" Ultra Magnus asked.

"Oh, we placed him inside of an escape pod and launched it into orbit around a black hole, so he'll be stuck in an event horizon until the end of time!" Jazz said.

"Wow, that is creative evil worthy enough of us, wouldn't you say Mr. Tracks?" Warpath asked, turning to his partner.

"OH, indeed Mr. Warpath, we shall have to ask Sunstreaker if he will let them join us!" Tracks replied.

"Well, I guess everything is finally back to normal!" Cyclonus said triumphantly.

"You saved the world, that's great, but hey! Do you guys wanna come and play?" Wheelie asked as he began downing bars of soap like mints.

"We shall destroy the world with diamonds, that way I will prove to the world just how awesome I am!" Sunstreaker cried out.

"What a freak." Gears said, referring to Starscream's ghost, who was crying in a corner.

"Christ I hate this place." Cyclonus said.

* * *

End of chapter 8. Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Gritty Reboots, Australia says no. I hope that this chapter didn't get annoying, but man, gritty reboots suck! I mean, why would you want to remake good movies and games, and then turn them into depressing stories? They really make you hate the final product, let me tell you! Blah, blah, blah, anger! Blah, blah, blah agression! Blah, blah, blah corn chips! Wow, sorry, I got a little carried away there. Ahem, my ranting aside, I hope that you enjoyed it, and please remember to review. Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

Welcome once again to a morbid little fanfic that I like to call THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 9. Once again, I do not own The Transformers or any characters that are associated with The Transformer...oh why do you tempt me so Hasbro? Why? I would do a recap of last chapter, but since this story has little, if any, plot, there would be no point, so you'll just have to read it for yourself. Ahem, anyway, without further ado, let me start the story that can only be known as THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 9. Please remember to leave a review when you're done, and thanks for reading!

* * *

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. Seaspray was out flying box kites, Powerglide was working on his ships in bottles collection, Wheelie was being used as a kickball by Blaster and Blurr and Jazz was fanning himself in a recliner.

"Whoa, it's really hot today..." Jazz said as he fanned himself lazily.

"Hey Jazz!" Cliffjumper called out as he walked up to him "Have you seen Hound? He promised he would help me shop for socks!"

Jazz rolled his eyes "You're a God damn robot, what do you need socks for!"

"Eatin'!" Cliffjumper replied, a moronic grin on his face.

Jazz sat up "You eat socks?" Jazz asked incredulously.

"Yeppo!" Cliffjumper replied, still grinning.

"Oh for God's-! You're a freaking idiot!" Jazz shouted as he threw a newspaper at Springer's head, which bounced off.

"So, have ya seen Hound?" Springer asked.

"I haven't seen him all day, he left some weird note saying that he was gonna be in some music video." Jazz replied, glaring at Cliffjumper.

* * *

Elsewhere...

"_Go Gas Guzzler you're taking up all of the road_!"

"_Gas guzzlin'! Go gas guzzlin'_!" Hound sung as he rocked back and forth in vehicle mode.

"_Go Gas Guzzler you're carrying the wanker load!"_

* * *

"I mean come on! Who would believe that Hound would star in a music video? It's just plain ridiculous!" Jazz exclaimed.

"So true...Sockssockssockssockssocks!" Cliffjumper screamed.

"What a freak." Starscream's ghost said as he walked by.

"Attention all Autobots! The Decepticons are attacking! All Autobots prepare for combat!" Optimus Prime's voice blared over the PA system.

"Finally! A chance to get away from you!" Jazz said, as he got up, pushed Cliffjumper down and walked away.

"SOCKS!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at a building site, Galvatron, Cyclonus, Soundwave and the Seekers were trashing the place.

Thundercracker was once again puzzled by the sudden reappearance of someone who was supposed to be dead, this time it was Skywarp.

"Uh Skywarp?" Thundercracker asked.

"Yeah?"

"Since Cyclonus and Jazz erased the gritty reboot universe, shouldn't you...not exist?"

"Oh, well, the author didn't have the heart to kill me." Skywarp replied.

"Oh...what author?" Thundercracker asked, a confused look on his face.

Suddenly, Optimus Prime, Jazz, Inferno, Huffer, Gears, Red Alert, Springer and Prowl burst onto the scene...wait, Prowl?

"Prowl? I thought that you were dead?" Asked.

"Oh, I'm not Prowl, I'm Bluestreak, I just painted myself black and silver to make myself look like Prowl!" the faux Prowl replied.

"Oh...well that's certainly not creepy or morbid in the slightest..." Jazz said as he backed away slowly.

"Eep! Autobots! Decepticons, attack!" Galvatron cried.

"Dirge, transfor-argh!" Dirge screamed as he was shot in mid transformation.

"Wow, that was easy, I wonder why we never thought of that before?" Jazz asked.

"Because then the fighting would be too easy!" Inferno said as he sprayed napalm onto a screaming Dirge.

"Aaaaah! Oh God, make it stop!" Dirge screamed in agony.

Inferno chuckled "Napalm!"

Huffer turned to Jazz "Dude, that guy freaking creeps me out!"

And then, the Autobots and Decepticons proceeded to launch into an epic battle of good versus evil, body parts flew and mech fluids covered the ground. Boy, it was quite a battle, let me tell ya.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sunstreaker, Warpath, Tracks and Blades were going on another diamond hunt, this time, they were in a funeral home in San Diego. Their contact was Dirge...who was somehow in two places at once...go figure.

"Alright, so the diamonds are being held at the hotel, but you can't get in." Dirge told the others.

"Why not?" Warpath asked.

"It's where the APEC delegates are staying, there's no way in!" Dirge replied.

"Hmmm, well, a genius like me could figure a way in...boys, take of Dirge!" Sunstreaker ordered.

"Hey! What the-?" Dirge exclaimed as Warpath and Blades picked him up and stuffed him into a coffin, which was on a conveyor belt that moved into a cremator.

"Very moving." Tracks said.

"Heart warming Mr. Tracks." Warpath added.

"A glowing tribute Mr. Warpath." Tracks added as Dirge screamed while he was being roasted alive.

"Ok, now that he's been taken care of, how do we get into the hotel?" Sunstreaker asked his associates.

"Why don't we get a bunch of cars and bikes for a motorcade, get some security guys and fake security clearances, and walk right in?" Blades suggested.

"Oh, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! It will never work!" Sunstreaker scoffed.

Later...

"I can't believe that worked!" Sunstreaker exclaimed.

* * *

Back the construction yard all of the Decepticons were bruised and bloody, except for Thundercracker and Cyclonus, who were smart enough to stay on the sidelines.

"This is getting more ridiculous then before." Thundercracker said.

"Yeah...wanna go get something to eat? I'm starving!" Cyclonus said.

"Oh! Can I come?" Jazz asked.

"Sure, why not?" Cyclonus asked, and together, the three walked off.

Galvatron panted, during the battle, he had been shot no less than seventeen time.

"Damn it! These Autobots are beating us somehow! Decepticons, we must retreat!" Galvatron cried out, before he turned to flee like a little coward.

"Fleeing? Already? Aw!" Inferno groaned as he shoved a fire hose full of napalm down Dirge's throat.

"Don't worry Inferno, they'll be back, because Decepticons love to cause destruction!" Optimus said as he placed a hand on Inferno's shoulder.

"Hey! Optimus! Can we take this...statue, home with us?" Bluestreaker asked as he held up what looked suspiciously like Dirge coated in dried cement.

"Hmmm...sure why not? A little culture would really brighten up the place!" Optimus said.

"Hey, look! Skywarp's getting away!" Huffer pointed out.

"Hmmm, I'll fix that!" Red Alert said as he shot Skywarp just as he was preparing to teleport.

"Urk!" Skywarp cried out as he was hit.

As he was hit in mid teleportation, he was flung into some far off dimension populated by white trees with pink spots, yellow skies and fuzzy, cannibalistic monsters, never to be seen again.

"I wonder if we'll ever see Skywarp again?" Huffer pondered.

"Oh, I'm sure we will Huffer, I'm sure we will!" Optimus reassured him.

* * *

And...end of chapter 9. Well, what did you think? I hope that you enjoyed it. Some of the Australian readers may recognise the Chasers jokes I've put in here, but the Americans would probably only remember them as those wankers who invaded the Australian APEC by disguising themselves as Canadians, oh those wacky Chasers! Anyway, I seem to be a few hundred words short of my self imposed 1000 word deadline, so to fill it out, would everyone please welcome our guest singer, Skywarp!

"Um...let's see...something to fill it out...oh, I've got it! Thundercracker what a pisshead! Thundercracker what a booze head! Oh my goodness what a pisshead!"

And we're clear! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Goodnight everybody!


	10. Chapter 10

Once more onto the breach dear friends, one more, into chapter 10 of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Once again, Hasbro's team of lawyers slash mercenaries are forcing me to tell you that I do not own The Transformers or any characters that are associated with The Transformers...and uh...what? I'm not saying that! (Gun cocks) Hail Hasbro! May their reign of tyranny never cease! Ok, now that we have that out of the way, please enjoy this chapter, don't forget to leave a review, and oh yeah, thanks for reading!

* * *

At the Autobot base, the Autobots were lounging around, enjoying a nice peaceful day for a change. There were no Decepticon threats, no terrorist threats and certainly no threats to the time stream caused by small fuzzy animals.

"Wow, it looks like we finally get a day off!" Jazz exclaimed in wonder.

"Indeed, although I calculate that this period of peace will only last for another...point five seconds." Perceptor said.

Jazz scoffed "Oh, that's just ridiculous Perceptor, how is that even-?" Jazz was suddenly cut off by the blaring of the base's alarm system "Crap!"

"Attention Autobots, a large Decepticon strike force is attacking the city of Garland, Texas! So, in response, I'm sending Jazz, Perceptor, Blaster, Starscream's ghost, Cloudraker and Fastlane to deal with it, ciao losers!" Optimus' voice taunted over the base's intercom system.

"That son of a-!" Jazz began.

"No time for cursing our grossly inept leader now Jazz, we've got a city to save!" Fastlane said, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

"Wha-? Where the hell did you come from?" Jazz asked, dumbfounded.

"I don't know!" Fastlane replied.

Jazz rolled his eyes "Whatever, let's just go over there and beat those Decepti-creeps!" Jazz said.

"Yeah!" Blaster cried, jumping up into the air, while Starscream's ghost cried in the corner at the prospect at being part in what was essentially a suicide mission.

"What a freak." Cloudraker muttered.

Perceptor sighed "You know Jazz, sometimes I feel like we're the only sane people here."

* * *

Meanwhile, Sunstreaker, Warpath, Tracks and Blades were continuing their diamond hunt. Now, they were on a plane, spying on their new contacts.

"Well, they're both aboard" Warpath said as he seated himself next to Tracks "And I must say, Miss Briefcase seems quite attractive..."

Tracks turned and glared at Warpath

"...For a lady..." Warpath added hastily, before giving an awkward laugh as Tracks continued to glare at him.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Garland, Texas, the Autobots had just arrived, and were scoping the place out, looking for the Decepticons. Perceptor was on top of a building, in telescope mode, hoping to find their enemy.

"Got it! They're on the southern side of the town!" Perceptor exclaimed.

"Well, how many are there?" Jazz asked.

"Um...I'd say about sixty." Perceptor replied "Amazing! That must be the entire Decepticon force on Earth!"

"Sixty Decepticons?" Cloudraker paled...well, as much as a shape changing robot can pale...which is apparently quite a lot, I guess "That's it! Game over, man! Game over! What the hell are we supposed to do now? What are we gonna do?"

"Well, you and your clod brother can stand and die for all I care, but I'm going to go Tallahassee on their asses!" Jazz said as he held up two pistols "Two pistols, sixty Decepticons, sixty bullets. I'll see you losers on the other side! Blaster, play me a heroic beat!" Jazz ordered.

Blaster transformed and began playing sombre and serious music.

Jazz nodded "Good, now I'm going to singlehandedly take out sixty Decepticons while you sit there and enjoy it!"

And so Jazz charged at the sixty Decepticons. They were all there, Galvatron, Shockwave, Scourge, Soundwave, Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Ratbat, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Overkill, Slugfest, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Dirge, Thrust, Ramjet, Sunstorm, Blitzwing, Spectro, Spyglass, Viewfinder, Astrotrain, Bombshell, Kickback, Shrapnel, Barrage, Chop Shop, Ransack, Venom, Scrapper, Bonecrusher, Scavenger, Mixmaster, Hook, Long Haul, Gravedigger, Hauler, Hightower, Onslaught, Brawl, Blast Off, Swindle, Vortex, Hun-Gurrr, Rippersnapper, Blot, Sinnertwin, Cuttrthroat, Trypticon, Motormaster, Breakdown, Dead End, Drag Strip, Wildrider, Razorclaw, Divebomb, Headstrong, Rampage and Tantrum.

"Bring it on." Jazz muttered, holding his hand forward and flexing his fingers.

* * *

In the Nevada desert, Blades and Warpath were digging up a hidden cache of diamonds that Dirge had supplied them with.

"Well, that should just about be enough diamonds for our planet destroying satellite...maybe..." Sunstreaker said.

"Yep...well, I guess I'll be on my way, I've got a Jazz to destroy in Texas, don't ya know!" Dirge replied.

"Hmmm, not so fast! Tracks, go shove him down that oil pipe down their!" Sunstreaker commanded.

"With gusto." Tracks said as he punched Dirge, picked up his unconscious form and dropped him into an oil pipe.

"Well, that's that taken care of...now I'm off to destroy the world." Sunstreaker said, striking a pose before walking off.

* * *

Back in Texas, Jazz was kicking ass and taking names. All five of the Stunticons drove towards Jazz at rapid speeds, guns ablazing, only to be shot down one by one by Jazz's twin pistols. First to go was Drag Strip, who went up in a ball of flame, then Wildrider was hit, followed by Motormaster, Dead End was next, and finally, Breakdown, who scattered parts on his fellow Decepticons.

"Alright! I just took on all five Stunticons and won! Who's next freaks?" Jazz cried out.

Thrust charged forward, only for Jazz to pick him up and slam him into the ground headfirst, causing him to get stuck. Ramjet and Sunstorm followed closely behind, only for Jazz to grab Sunstorm and throw him into Ramjet, causing him to painfully melt.

"Oh God! I'm melting!" Ramjet cried out in horror.

"Wow, this seems like something Inferno would do." Jazz muttered, before he ripped off Sunstorm's arms and threw them into his face.

"Oh God! Is that what melting feels like? My God, I deserve to die!" Sunstorm cried out, before his face melted into scrap.

Jazz proceeded to finish all three off with three well placed shots to the heads.

"Wow" Fastlane said in wonder "Jazz really took a class in badassery!"

Razorclaw and Rampage had suddenly started nipping at Jazz's heels.

"Bad kitty!" Jazz cried, kicking Rampage away, before ending his life with a single shot, before turning his attention to a stunned Razorclaw "I'm gonna have to put you down!"

Razorclaw yowled and tried to flee, only to receive a shot to the back of the head.

"He's...awesome!" Cloudraker exclaimed.

Back on the battlefield, Jazz was now duelling Astrotrain...well, not so much duelling as it was intimidating his opponent.

"Oh God! Please don't kill me!" Astrotrain pleaded.

"If you didn't want me to kill you, you shouldn't have gotten out of bed today!" Jazz said, before shooting Astrotrain point blank in the head with his pistol.

Taking things up a notch, Jazz then picked up Astrotrain corpse, threw it into Trypticon's mouth, and then shot Astrotrain's fuel tank, blowing Trypticon's head clean off and destroying Astrotrain's body.

Mixmaster could only stand where he was in horror, completely amazed by Jazz's assault.

"He ain't human!" Bonecrusher exclaimed.

"Duh genius!" Mixmaster snapped, before getting shot in the face by Jazz.

"This is getting ridiculous! Constructicons, combine to form Devastator!" Scrapper commanded.

"How? He shot Mixmaster! He was our left leg!" Scavenger asked.

"It doesn't matter! We can still kill him without one leg!" Scrapper retorted.

And so, the surviving Constructicons formed a somewhat incomplete Devastator, who was leaning slightly.

"PREPARE FOR ATTACK!" Devastator said, although somewhat half heartedly, before toppling over.

"Huh, well that was easy." Jazz said, before shooting the individual components of Devastator, just to be sure.

"Oh. My. God." Perceptor exclaimed.

Jazz pulled himself out of a mountain of Decepticon corpses and looked around, now, it was just him and Galvatron.

"Well Jazz, it looks like it's just you and me!" Galvatron exclaimed.

"Yeah, the narration just said that...not entirely accurate though, I can see Skywarp and Dirge cowering behind Trypticon..." Jazz said.

"Yes! Just you and me, fighting each other for the final time!" Galvatron exclaimed.

"Yeah, are you gonna shut up and fight, or are we just gonna talk?" Jazz asked.

"Galvatron, transform!" Galvatron said, as he transformed into some kinda...cannon...thingy.

In response, Jazz shoved a potato into the cannon, plugging it up and causing Galvatron to self destruct.

"I...still...function..." Galvatron's head-which had been blown off his body-said weakly.

"Wanna bet?" Jazz sneered, before firing off yet another shot "Well, I still have two shots left...who's still here?" Jazz asked, before turning and looking around "Aha! Dirge!"

Dirge screamed in fear and turned to flee, only to be shot in the back by Jazz...and then explode for some reason.

"Way to go Jazz! But...you there's still Skywarp!" Blaster cried as he ran over to Jazz.

Indeed, Skywarp was now flying away and preparing to teleport.

"He's not getting away on my watch." Jazz muttered as he fired his final shot.

"Urk!" Skywarp cried out.

As he was hit in mid teleportation, Skywarp was flung off to some far off dimension where horrible mutant jellyfish people ruled the Earth.

"You think we'll ever see Skywarp again?" Cloudraker asked his brother.

"Oh, I'm sure we will Cloudraker, I'm sure we will." Fastlane reassured his brother.

"Booyah bitches! I did it! You owe me drinks!" Jazz exclaimed in triumph.

"But we never-" Blaster began, before Jazz cut him off.

"Well, that's that taken care of, now to get back to base, read some fanfiction and get into a flamewar with some internet geek!" Jazz said, twirling his guns before walking off into the sunset.

* * *

End of the chapter 10 special bonanza. Well, what did you think? More action than normal, I know, but I hope that you guys enjoyed it. Anyone who gets the reference of Jazz's line "I'm going Tallahassee on their asses!" Get's a biscuit (Offer not legal anywhere except for Jupiter's moon of Io, contest closes two seconds ago). By the way, there really should be sixty Decepticons mentioned, but if there aren't, please let me know so that I can add/subtract a few. Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, even if it was somewhat...different, to say the least. Don't forget to leave a review, and thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

He-he-hello, and welcome to yet another chapter of New Bea-whoops, wrong story, sorry. What I meant to say was, welcome to yet another chapter of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 11. Once again, I must admit that I do not own The Transformers, nor do I own the characters that are associated with The Transformers...damn. Anyway, I really hope that you enjoy this chapter, I worked really hard to make it funny, so, I hope you do find it funny...anyway, hope you enjoy it and don't forget to leave a review. Thanks for reading!

* * *

In the Autobot base, Huffer and Bluestreak were standing around a water cooler, talking and drinking.

"My God, what's the point of it all Bluestreak? I mean, we are but brief sparks, to be forever extinguished by the water bucket of time...I made myself sad." Huffer said with a sigh.

"Jeez, you are, without a doubt, the worst person I have ever met." Bluestreak said as he rolled his eyes.

Inferno suddenly rounded a corner.

"Hey guy's whacha doin'?" Inferno asked.

"Oh, we were lamenting how cruel and brief existence is! Oh, how fate conspires against-Argh!" Huffer cried as Bluestreak kicked him in the stomach, knocking him over.

"Freakin' pessimists! They creep me out man!" Bluestreak said, spitting contemptuously.

"So true...can I shove this fire hose full of napalm down his throat?" Inferno asked, holding up his hose.

Bluestreak considered it, before shaking his head "As much as I would like to say yes, Jazz would probably kill me if I let you."

Huffer got back to his feet "Bastard." He muttered.

"Yeah, I love you too." Bluestreak said, rolling his eyes again "Hey Inferno, want to check out this new lighter I bought?"

Inferno's eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morn "Really? You have a new lighter?" Inferno asked in wonder.

"Sure, I think I got it right...here!" Bluestreak said as he rummaged through his pockets to produce a little Inferno shaped lighter "See? It's you! And look, the flame comes out of the fire hose!"

Suddenly, Inferno started grinning. And soon, his grin got bigger and bigger, until it stretched from one side of his face to the other. The grin dominated his face, a fact which did not go unnoticed by Huffer.

"Oh Shit! Run" Huffer screamed.

"Why?" Bluestreak asked, perplexed.

"He's haaaaappppppyyyyyy!" Huffer yelled as he ran off at top speed.

"Huh?" Bluestreak asked, before turning, the sight chilled his...whatever Autobots have for blood.

Standing over him was a crazed looking Inferno, a manic grin on his face, and eyes that continuously twitched. In his hands he held a fire hose which was dripping napalm.

"I'M SO HAPPY!" Inferno exclaimed, drool and foam dripping from his mouth.

Bluestreak shrieked in terror, before he too turned to flee.

"Super happy napalm fun time!" Inferno shrieked as he sprayed napalm out of his mighty hose of doom.

"What's all the commo-? Oh, Christ! He's at it again!" Jazz frowned as he saw Inferno destroy their base "Attention all Autobots! Inferno's gone crazy again! Somebody get the quantum disintegrator or something!" Jazz called out.

Inferno meanwhile, had begun singing as he destroyed stuff.

"Iron birds of fortune! Adrift above the skies!" Inferno sung as he began torching a fire extinguisher, which promptly exploded.

"He's gone berserk! Get him!" Eject cried, before charging at Inferno, backed up by Gears, Grimlock, Jetfire, Air Raid and Fireflight.

Inferno's grin actually seemed to widen and he changed songs "I'm singin' in the napalm! Just singin' in the napalm!" Oblivious to the screams of pain that were coming from the Autobots he was soaking.

Starscream's ghost happened upon the scene and whimpered, which turned into a scream as Inferno set his sights upon Starscream's ghost, his monster grin still adorning his face.

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" Starscream's ghost screamed as he ran in the opposite direction, arms flailing wildly.

"What the-?" Jazz asked as Starscream's ghost rocketed past him "What a freak." Jazz muttered.

Jazz rounded the corner to see how the others were faring...only to see their melted remains littering the corridor, Inferno dancing and spraying napalm everywhere.

"Sssssssssssssssshit." Jazz said, eyes wide at the sight.

Inferno suddenly turned and saw Jazz "Napalm!" Inferno cried.

"Holy crap!" Jazz yelled, before he turned and ran, followed closely by Inferno, who was firing a continuous stream of napalm from his hose "Must...escape...must...abandon...others...to...murderous...lunatic!" Jazz panted as he ran.

* * *

In the Decepticon base, Cyclonus was passing by when he heard some strange noises coming from Ramjet's room. Curious, Cyclonus poked his head in to see Ramjet on his computer.

"Ramjet, what are you doing? Are you ogling that cat girl who teaches Japanese online again?" Cyclonus asked.

"No, I'm over her...until she uploads her next video. Right now I'm playing one of those online games!" Ramjet replied, not looking away from his computer screen.

"Online games? Isn't that a little...nerdy?" Cyclonus questioned.

"No! All the cool celebrities do it! Vin Diesel, Judi Dench, that Australian guy! Plus, Lisa Foiles operates her own video game website!" Ramjet countered.

"Um, actually, I think those first three only playthat Gary Gygax game...Something's and Something's...who's Lisa Foiles?" Cyclonus asked.

Ramjet sighed "You'll never understand Cyclonus, get out of my room"

As soon as he was out of the room Cyclonus muttered to himself "Freakin' weirdos!"

Back in his room, Ramjet made sure that Cyclonus was gone before opening up his second tab "Oh Japanese speaking catgirl, never stop teaching." Ramjet murmured.

"I heard that ya freak!" Cyclonus yelled through the walls.

Ramjet turned red "Hey shut up man!"

* * *

Back in the Autobot base, Jazz was still running from Inferno.

"Come back! I just wanna set you on fire!" Inferno cried.

"Gotta hide! Gotta hide!" Jazz gasped, before ducking into a closet.

"You better not have brought him here!" A voice in the dark said.

"Wha-?" Jazz asked, before turning on the light.

With him was Huffer, Bluestreak, Perceptor, Blaster, Starscream's ghost and Cloudraker.

"Napalm time!" Inferno cried.

"...Jazz you son of a bitch..." Cloudraker said, glaring daggers at Jazz.

"Aha!" Inferno cried, kicking down the door.

"Oh crap." Blaster said.

Suddenly, Inferno was sent flying.

"Wha-?" Jazz asked, stepping out of the closet.

He saw what had knocked Inferno down...Dirge!

"I am sick and tired of you creeps killing me every single day! Well you know what? Now it's my turn baby!" Dirge said as he tackled Inferno again.

Inferno hissed in rage, before trying to aim his hose at Dirge. Dirge however, ripped the hose off and began pummelling Inferno with his bare hands.

"Holy crap." Bluestreak said, gaping at the sight "Did any of you know that Dirge was a closet badass?"

All of them answered in the negative.

"...And this is for the time you stuck the hose down my throat! And this is for the time you dipped me in cement and left me to dry!" Dirge said as he punched Inferno into a messy pulp.

"Uh...should we run? He's almost done with Inferno." Perceptor pointed out.

"Aw, how much damage could he do?" Blaster asked "He's Dirge!"

Suddenly, Dirge turned and glared at the others "Don't think I haven't forgotten about you freaks!" Dirge growled as he transformed...into a weapons array.

"Eep." Cloudraker said, as Starscream's ghost wailed in despair.

Suddenly, a gigantic laser blast came through the roof, vaporising Dirge and leaving a gigantic scorch mark in the ground.

"Huh?" Perceptor asked, looking up through the hole.

"Aha! Behold the glory that is Sunstreaker and his diamond powered satellite! Kneel pitiful creatures, kneel!"

* * *

And...End of chapter 11. Well, what did you think? I certainly hope that you enjoyed it, even though it's just a little shorter than normal, blame it on work related fatigue, I guess. Anyway, kind of violent, but don't worry, all of the Autobots who ran afoul of Inferno are still alive and well...just very badly scarred, mentally and physically. Well, I hope that you liked it, I'll have another chapter up as soon as possible, and don't forget to leave a review. Oh yeah, and thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

Hello and welcome to yet another chapter of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 12. Once again I do not own The Transformers blah, blah, blah do not own the characters, blah, blah, blah purple monkey dishwasher, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, recount...recount...huh, there's no plot to this story, so I guess that would be pointless...wait, didn't I already do this joke? Anyway, please enjoy the following crack fic, don't forget to review and thank you for reading!

* * *

In the Autobot base, Perceptor and Brawn were talking around the water cooler.

"Hey Brawn, weren't you dead?" Perceptor asked.

"Oh yeah, I died from a laser blast to the shoulder! Come one man! I have armour thicker than diamonds and I die from a shot to the shoulder! Yeah right!" Brawn said, glaring.

"Oh...but Prowl, Ratchet and Ironhide are dead for real right?"

"Oh yeah, those guys really aren't coming back." Brawn replied.

"Hence why Bluestreak painted himself to look like Prowl a little while ago." Perceptor said, staring into the wall opposite him and Brawn.

Suddenly, Wheelie walked up to the pair.

"Oh Christ! It's that little freak!" Brawn said, rolling his eyes.

"Hey guys! Wanna eat some beaks?" Wheelie asked.

"Get lost Wheelie!" Brawn said.

"Have you met my good friend Keeli?"

"Go to hell!"

"Let's ring a bell!"

"Why you little-!" Brawn said, lunging at Wheelie, only for Perceptor to hold him back.

"Let me handle this" Perceptor said, turning to Wheelie "Orange."

"Um...um...uh..." Wheelie suddenly started twitching and sparking "...Toothbrush?"

It was too much for him. His inability to rhyme caused Wheelie's circuits to overload, blowing his head into small pieces that rained down.

"Well thank God that's over! Man you're smart Perceptor!" Brawn complimented.

"Yes, yes I am." Perceptor replied.

"Attention all Autobots! Attention all Autobots! Please report to the meeting hall, Jazz has a special announcement!" Optimus' voice blared over the base's speaker system.

"Well, I guess we'd better go...what should we do to the body?" Brawn asked.

"Hmmm...let's put it in Starscream's ghost's room!" Perceptor suggested.

"Good idea! It'll really creep that little freak out!"

And with that, they threw Wheelie's body into Starscream's ghost's room, then went to the meeting.

* * *

"All right Autobots, listen up! We have just received word the Decepticons are planning to buy a professional baseball team and then use them to commit acts of evil!" Optimus Prime said into his microphone.

"Good God! Well, what do we do?" Seaspray asked.

"Well, Jazz has a plan! He'll explain it to you!" Optimus said as Jazz approached the podium "Good luck son, I just want you to know that, we're all counting on you."

"Yeah, whatever Leslie" Jazz said, rolling his eyes "Ok, the plan is to-" Jazz began, before he was cut off.

"You ain't got no pancake mix!" Cliffjumper shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Jazz.

"Ex-excuse me?" Jazz asked, blinking.

"I say you ain't got no pancake mix!" Cliffjumper repeated.

Jazz sighed "Moving on from Cliffjumper's crippling stupidity, the plan is-"

"You're deceiving these people! There ain't no pancake mix in there!" Cliffjumper shouted, pointing to a briefcase.

"Cliffjumper, would you shut up? I can't deal with you now!"

"These people want pancake mix!"

"Oh, you know what? Screw it!" Jazz said, walking off.

"I want me some of that pancake mix!" Cliffjumper shouted, before Jazz shot him as he walked away.

Optimus retook the podium and cleared his throat "Um...moving on, I want Mirage, Huffer, Sideswipe and Inferno too-"

"Hey! Has everyone forgotten about the genius who built the diamond powered death machine here?" Sunstreaker shouted, glaring at Optimus.

"What? What diamond powered death machine?" Optimus asked.

"The diamond powered death machine that I've been building for the last six bloody chapters! Has everyone forgotten about it?"

"Chapters? What are you talking about?"

"I used it to kill the homicidal Dirge for God's sakes!"

"Hmmm, nope, doesn't ring a bell. Anyway-" Optimus began, before being cut off once again.

"Screw you guys man! If you can't appreciate me or remember what death machines I build, then I'm leaving!" Sunstreaker cried, before running off.

"Should we follow him, Mr. Warpath?" Tracks asked.

"Eh, why not Mr. Tracks?" Warpath asked, and the two walked off.

"Hey, wait for me guys!" Blades cried out as he followed the group.

"Uh...moving on...again, we need to stop the Decepticons from-Jesus Christ!" Optimus yelled as a giant laser beam burst through the roof and destroyed the podium.

"Ahhahahahaha! I'll teach you to forget about my accomplishments and not worship me and my glory! Take that Autobots!" Sunstreaker cried out as he began to destroy the base.

Starscream's ghost screamed and ran away at the sight of the laser, locking himself into his room, only to see Wheelie's corpse, causing him to scream again.

"Jeez, what a freak." Mirage said, hearing the screams of Starscream's ghost.

"Run for your lives!" Red Alert cried as the beam advanced on them.

"Oh, what's the point of it all? Why fight the inevitable, when we are all just-Argh!" Huffer screamed as Bluestreak pushed him into the beam.

"Freakin' pessimists!" Bluestreak muttered.

The beam continued to chase the Autobots around the base, around and around, destroying everything in its path.

On a nearby hill, the Decepticons were watching the spectacle.

* * *

"Uh...should we do something...like, at all?" Thrust asked Galvatron.

"No, no...This is weird even for me..." Galvatron said as he gaped at the spectacle.

"I'll say." Dirge said as he spontaneously combusted.

"Just when you think things can't get any weirder." Cyclonus said, shaking his head.

"Phffft, tell me about it!" Ramjet said as he led the Decepticons army of cyborg baseball players up the hill.

"Which team is this anyway?" Cyclonus asked.

"Err...the Albuquerque Mata Mata Mutant Turtles..." Ramjet said sheepishly.

"Oh God damn it!" Galvatron cursed.

"There's no team by that name here...or anywhere..." Cyclonus pointed out "...And what's a mata mata mutant turtle?"

In response, Ramjet pulled out the team's mascot, a horribly disfigured turtle with a huge, warty head.

"Oh my God! What the hell is that? Kill it! Kill it with fire!" Scourge said.

"Uh guys...I think that thing just ate Dirge..." Dead End pointed out.

"Jesus, now we really have to get rid of this thing!" Thrust said.

"No, I rather like it...from now on, it shall be our mascot!" Galvatron decreed.

"...I am not going anywhere near that thing..." Cyclonus said.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the Autobot base, the Autobots were still being chased by the beam.

"How much longer can we run from this thing?" Gears asked.

"I don't know! Hopefully for as long as this thing lasts!" Optimus yelled back.

Suddenly, the beam tapered out and died.

"Oh damn it! It must be out of batteries!" Sunstreaker shouted.

"Well...that was convenient." Inferno said.

Suddenly, a badly singed Huffer shambled towards Bluestreak.

"You jerk." Huffer said, before he collapsed.

* * *

Well, that's the end of chapter 12, I hope that you enjoyed it. By the way, the mata mata mutant turtle is a real creature, and it must be feared accordingly, just look at a picture of it and you'll see why. Forget crocodiles and alligators, this think will haunt your dreams for the rest of your lives! It will come out at night to eat your toes while you sleep, before dragging your younger siblings off to hell! Well, sweet dreams! Anyway, again, I hope that you enjoyed it, I should have another update up as soon as possible, don't forget to leave a review, and thanks for reading! Bye!


	13. Chapter 13

Y'ello, and welcome to yet another chapter of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter Unlucky 13. Once again, I do not own The Transformers or any characters that are associated with the Transformers, however, I do own a rather lovely wide screen TV...which I enjoy...Anyways, we hope that you enjoy the following presentation, please do not forget to write a nice review when you are done and I would like to thank you for reading...thank you for reading. Enjoy!

* * *

The Autobots had decided to visit their local zoo, as it was such a nice day and all, and the Decepticons had yet to unleash their latest hair brained scheme. Jazz and Cliffjumper were strolling around until they happened upon the emu pens.

"Hey look! Emoos!" Cliffjumper shrieked, jumping up and down and pointing at the large, flightless birds.

"What? No, it's pronounced Eem-You, Eem-you." Jazz said.

"Ee-Moo!" Cliffjumper persisted.

"No, Eem-You, say it with me now, Eem-You." Jazz said, glaring at Cliffjumper.

"Ee-Moo! Ee-Moo! Ee-Moo!" Cliffjumper screeched, bouncing up and down and giggling.

"No you freaking idiot! Eem-You! Eem-You!"Jazz shouted.

"Ee-Moo!" Cliffjumper shouted a final time.

"Ugh, freaking idiot." Jazz muttered as he pushed Cliffjumper into the emu pen, where he would be savaged mercilessly by the vicious birds.

Starscream's ghost walked by, licking an ice cream cone. Suddenly however, the ice cream fell off of the cone, and then exploded when it hit the ground. Starscream's ghost, blackened, charred and saddened by the sudden loss of ice cream, cried and ran into the ladies restrooms.

"What a freak...wait, why did he go into the ladies rooms?" Wheeljack asked, a puzzled look on his face as he walked over to Jazz.

"Probably better not to ask. A question worth asking though, is why that ice cream exploded." Jazz said.

"Oh...yeah, that was me." Wheeljack said.

Jazz sighed "Right, should have seen that one coming."

"Yep, it's a flavour of my own design, choc chip nitro glycerine! It's deadly fun...well, more deadly than fun, but you get the idea." Wheeljack said.

"Wheeljack, you really are an idiot." Jazz said as he shook his head.

"Why thank you, yes, yes I am." Wheeljack said.

Jazz sighed again "I hate you all."

"Decepticons!" Huffer cried out.

And indeed there were, the Seekers flew down and began attacking the zoo. As Dirge made a low overhead pass, Sideswipe gave him a glancing blow, not enough to destroy him, but enough to send him into the pen of a ravenous horde of vicious, flesh eating wildebeest, which proceeded to tear Dirge limb from limb and then devour him as he screamed in pure agony.

"Wow, that was brutal." Gears said, as he witnessed the spectacle that was Dirge's death.

"Ah yes, those are our new flesh eating wildebeests, part of our new Dangerous Creatures line, alongside the Norwegian Blue Parrot and the Talking Slug." A zoo worker said as he approached Gears "My associate Willa says they're all the rage."

There was a brief pause.

"Wow, absolutely no one is going to get either one of those references unless they're extensively familiar with the work of John Cleese...that is sad!" Gears said as he walked off.

Cyclonus and Galvatron flew down to join the Seekers.

"Excellent work my slaves! Destroy this place and the Autobots in one fell swoop!" Galvatron said with an evil cackle.

"Galvatron, is this really necessary?" Cyclonus asked, a tired look on his face.

"What the bloody hell do you mean, "Is this necessary?" Of course it's necessary! We're destroying the Autobots, it's what we do!" Galvatron said, glaring at his second in command.

Cyclonus sighed "That's exactly what I thought you would say."

"So...you're psychic?" Galvatron asked.

Cyclonus sighed again and rolled his eyes "Yes Galvatron, I'm psychic."

Galvatron shrieked "Witch! A witch! Witch! Witch! Witch!"

"E' turned me into a newt e' did!" Thrust said.

"A newt?" Ramjet asked incredulously.

"...I got better..."

"Right, we'll have to burn him, but...what shall we burn him with?" Ramjet asked.

"More witches!" Skywarp cried, earning him a hit to the back of his head.

"Seriously, are we going to do any more John Cleese slash Monty Python jokes? Cause they're getting pretty old!" Thundercracker said as he glared at his allies.

"Well...we still hafta burn the witch!" Thrust said.

"He's gone you idiots!" Thundercracker snapped.

"What? Oh no, he escaped using his mighty witch powers! We must flee, before he finds an unbaptised youth for his flying potion!" Skywarp cried.

"What? No, he just walked off while you idiots were talking...at least that last joke wasn't a Monty Python one." Thundercracker said.

"I want to be a lumberjack." Thrust piped up.

"Oh God damn it!"

"Hey guys, where are the Autobots?" Ramjet asked.

"Huh...I guess they must have all left while we were talking amongst ourselves...go figure." Thundercracker said with a shrug.

"They're fleeing? Aha! Victory for the Decepticon cause! I hereby claim this zoo in the name of the Decepticons!" Galvatron cried out in triumph.

"An entire zoo all to ourselves? Sweet! I'm going to check out the cat girl enclosure!" Ramjet said, and he dashed off.

"Wow, his obsession with cat girls is really creepy." Thrust said.

"I'll say...hey look, ice cream!" Skywarp said, before he dashed off to get a scoop from the vendor.

"Eh, screw this, I'm outta here!" Thundercracker said, flying off.

"What's his problem?" Thrust asked.

"Eh, no idea." Galvatron said.

Skywarp made his way back to the others, clutching an ice cream cone. Suddenly, he tripped, sending the ice cream cone falling to the ground.

The mushroom cloud could be seen for miles.

* * *

"Wheeljack, you sly dog!" Mirage said as he viewed the explosion through a pair of binoculars.

"Ha, yes, I am awesome, aren't I?" Wheeljack responded.

"Hey, wait...wasn't Cliffjumper back there?" Jazz asked.

There was a brief pause.

"Oh my God." Bluestreak said in shock.

* * *

Elsewhere, Blades was holding up his custom mug. On the side of said mug was the definition of a certain word. A small group of Autobots were crowding around to see what the word was, all of them were disgusted.

"Oh my God! Why the hell would you put that on a mug?" Red Alert asked in disgust.

"I could have gone my entire life without knowing what that word was." Strafe said with a shudder.

"My eyes! They bleed!" Jetfire screamed as he clutched his bleeding eyeballs.

"Even I'm disgusted by this!" Inferno exclaimed.

"Yep." Blades said simply, as he raised his mug to drink, revealing the image he had painted on the bottom.

This time, Jetfire's eyes not only bled, they ripped themselves right out of their sockets.

"Argh!" Inferno screamed, before he jammed his napalm firing fire hose down his throat.

Strafe vomited in disgust and Red Alert 's eyes twitched, before he began bleeding profusely from his mouth.

"Yep." Blades said again as he took a sip of liquid from his mug.

* * *

And end of the unlucky thirteenth chapter. Well, I hope that you enjoyed it, sorry that it's a little shorter than most other chapters, oh well. Anyway, thank you for reading, THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter Unlucky 13, please remember to write a review when you've finished reading this sentence, and I hope that you enjoyed it...oh, and sorry for the obscene number of Monty Python jokes, I sincerley hope that you can forgive me for that.


	14. Chapter 14

Hello, and welcome once again to yet another chapter of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 14. Once again, Hasbro's team of lawyers slash mercenaries are holding me at gunpoint and forcing me to admit that I do not own the Transformers or any characters that are associated with The Transformers...but let's face it, you probably knew that already, didn't you? Anyway, as of right now, I have opened up a poll on my page where you can vote for which character you'd like to see more of in future chapters, so please, if you would like to see any of the following show up more, please remember to vote, you can vote for two characters: Huffer, Thundercracker, Wheeljack, Blitzwing, Hauler, the Autobot Mini-Cassettes, the Decepticon Mini-Cassettes, Bluestreak, Astrotrain or Strafe. Well, please enjoy the following story, remember to both vote and review and, um...that's about it actually, enjoy!

* * *

In the Decepticon base, Galvatron had called Soundwave into his office. Beside Galvatron stood the Decepticons second in command, the reasonably sane Cyclonus.

"STATEMENT: YOU WANTED TO SEE ME GALVATRON?" Soundwave asked.

"Ah, yes Soundwave, please, have a seat." Galvatron offered, motioning with his hand.

"QUERY: IS THIS IMPORTANT GALVATRON? BECAUSE I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT AT THREE." Soundwave said, motioning to his watch, the Decepticon reconnaissance officer Clock Stop.

"Ah, yes Soundwave, I'm afraid it is." Galvatron said hesitantly "You see, we're afraid that we're going to have to let you go."

Soundwave jerked in his seat "QUESTION : LET ME GO? WHY? HAVE I NOT BEEN FAITHFUL IN MY MANY YEARS OF SERVICE TO YOU?"

"Ah, yes, you have, but..." Galvatron trailed off.

"PERSISTING QUESTIONS: BUT WHAT?" Soundwave asked.

"Um...How to put this delicately? You're obsolete." Galvatron said.

"SHOCK: WHAT? OBSOLETE?"

"Yes, you transform into a cassette player, people haven't used those in decades, frankly, it's a wonder we haven't fired you earlier, you remember that little incident?" Galvatron asked.

"RECOLLECTING: UM..."

* * *

A few years ago...

Two construction workers walked into their locker room, immediately sighting a cassette player.

"Hey, isn't that the Decepticon spy, Soundwave?" One of them asked.

"Hmmm, yeah, I think it is!" The other replied.

'LIE: UH, N-NO IT'S NOT! IT IS A PERFECTLY NORMAL CASSETTE PLAYER THAT IS NOT CARRYING THE DECEPTICON RAVAGE INSIDE OF IT!" Soundwave lied.

"Uh, no, you're a Decepticon, you clearly have a big Decepticon insignia on you." One of the workers pointed out.

"Yeah, plus, no one uses cassette players anymore, they're not just yesterday's news, they're last years!" The other said.

"THINKING OF BACK UP PLAN: UH...UM...RAVAGE, EJECT AND DESTROY!" Soundwave commanded.

"Rowr!" Ravage snarled, before leaping to attack the humans.

"Aaaahhhh!" The humans screamed as they were mauled viciously by Ravage.

"PROCEEDING: NOW TO CARRY ON WITH MY MISSION!" Soundwave said, as he proceeded to rummage through the worker's lockers and steal all of their pens.

* * *

"Why were we stealing pens again?" Cyclonus asked, a confused look on his face.

"So, we have no choice but to fire you Soundwave. We thank you for your many years of service, and in return, we offer you this gift basket." Galvatron said, handing the ex Decepticon a small basket.

"STATEMENT:...THERE'S ONLY A SMALL TOWEL WITH THE DECEPTICON INSIGNIA ON IT AND A JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER..."

"Yeah, we thought we'd give it to you, because, who doesn't like peanut butter?" Galvatron asked.

"FACT:...I'M ALLERGIC TO PEANUT BUTTER..." Soundwave pointed out.

"Are you? Well, maybe you want to keep it with you...you know, you are out of a job and all...just in case..." Galvatron hinted.

"Wow, that is incredibly offensive." Cyclonus pointed out.

Soundwave sighed, took his gift basket and left.

* * *

In his cheap apartment, Soundwave was lying on his couch, almost blackout drunk, bottles of beer littering the floor.

"SELF PITY: IT'S NOT FAIR, I SURVIVED THE MOVIE, ONLY TO WIND UP FIRED?" Soundwave slurred as he raised yet another bottle to his...wait, does Soundwave even have a mouth?

Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak and Ratbat all approached their comrade.

"Hey, cheer up Soundwave, after all, ya still got us!" Rumble reassured.

"INSULT: OH GOODY, I'M STUCK WITH YOU GUYS! BUMBLE, PANSY, LOSERBEAK, RATNAG AND...UH...DISSAPOINTMENT!" Soundwave exclaimed, unable to come up with a suitable insult that sounded like Ravage.

Ravage yowled, properly translated, it would have sounded like "My God you're stupid."

Ratbat squeaked ("Maybe you should put down the bottle...")

Soundwave half rose from his position "STUBBORN REFUSAL/INSULT: AND THIS IS WHY I CALL YOU "RATNAG!" BEAT IT GUYS, I'VE GOT SOME DRINKING TO DO!"

Frenzy sighed "Come on guys, we'll come back when he has a hangover, and then we'll come back and make him regret insultin' us!"

Laserbeak...uh, I don't know, hissed? Birds do that, right? ("Sounds like a plan!")

Ravage snarled ("I don't know, maybe we should find some way to break him out of his depression?")

Ratbat made some sort of generic bat noise ("And why the hell would we do a thing like that?")

Laserbeak...insert generic bird noise here ("Eh, it'll lighten up the boredom.")

"Ok, but how do we do that?" Frenzy asked.

"Maybe we can get the Autobots to fight him!" Rumble suggested.

Ravage shrugged ("Eh, sure, we can do that.")

And so, the five of them set off to help their comrade slash mobile home.

* * *

In the Autobot base...

"Hey, Hoist, come look at this!" Wheeljack called out.

"What? What is it Wheeljack? Will it explode?" Hoist asked nervously.

Wheeljack laughed "Ha, no silly! Look, I found Windcharger's arms!"

Hoist balked "What? You found them? You stole them didn't you?"

"Yep, broke into his crypt and everything!" Wheeljack replied gleefully.

Hoist sighed "My God..."

"Hey, I got an idea, let's test them out!" Wheeljack suggested.

"How can we test out a pair of arms?" Hoist asked dubiously.

"Well, you remember how Windcharger had those built in magnets?" Wheeljack asked.

"Yeah..." Hoist replied uncertainly.

"Well, they were built into his arms! I can control them by prodding the nerves a bit, here, watch." Wheeljack said, as he turned to face Dirge, who had been chained to a wall.

"Oh God, what's happening? Why did you bring me here? Is this an Autobot torture facility?" A panicked Dirge asked.

"Yep!" Wheeljack replied as he began fiddling with Windcharger's severed arms.

"Wha-What's happening?" Dirge screamed as the magnets within Windcharger's arms began pulling at Dirge "Oh God! Argh!" Dirge screamed in agony as he was ripped to pieces, until only fragments were left, still chained to the wall.

"So, what do ya think Hoist? Hoist?" Wheeljack turned, only to see that Hoist had fled "Huh...oh well, back to torturing Dirge!"

* * *

Elsewhere, in the command centre, Optimus Prime, Jazz, Red Alert, Huffer, Skids and Hauler were talking to Cosmos, whose bulk was dominating the room.

"Feed ma Seymour!" Cosmos pleaded "Ah'm starvin'!"

Optimus sighed "Look, Cosmos, we've been through this, every time we feed you, a Third World Country dies of starvation, do you want the blood of the people of...Latsovia, on your hands?" Optimus asked, looking at a globe.

"But ah'm hungry! At least get me a florist or someone to eat!" Cosmos pleaded.

"Jesus, remind me again why we have this black hole with us?" Jazz asked.

"He's our deep space reconnaissance, remember?" Skids reminded.

"Yeah, but he fails at his job! He gets shot out of the sky all the time by UFO wing nuts and government agencies who want to dissect him!" Jazz exclaimed.

"Hmmm...true...why do we have him around again?" Skids asked.

"Hey guys, we've got intruders in the base!" Hauler pointed out.

"Intruders? Autobots, prepare for combat!" Optimus cried, before preparing himself...by assuming the crane position and making generic ninja noises.

Jazz sighed "Teletraan II, activate base defences." Jazz ordered.

"Very good, sir." Teletraan II responded.

Suddenly, a large explosion rocked the base, and the doors to the command centre blew open. Rumble and Frenzy, smoking and charred walked in, followed by the completely undamaged Ravage, Laserbeak and Ratbat.

"How did you guys get in?" Hauler asked.

"Through our skills as spies!" Rumble exclaimed.

Ravage sighed ("You're back door was unlocked.")

Jazz growled "Red Alert you stupid paranoid idiot, you install security cameras everywhere, but forget to lock the doors?"

In response, Red Alert shrugged.

"Oh, we are doomed! Doomed! Surrounded by Decepticons, oh, what a way to go!" Huffer lamented.

"My "Huffer is bitching senses" just went off, is everything ok in here?" Bluestreak asked, stepping through the remains of the door.

"Yeah, we've got everything under control here, it's just the cassettes, you can go back to whatever it was you were doing." Jazz said.

"Oh, ok, good luck with trouncing 'em guys!" Bluestreak said as he turned and waved.

Laserbeak...Laserbeak...just Laserbeak ("Look, we came here to get your help!")

Jazz cocked his head to the side "Help? What do you need our help for?"

"A cunning Decepticon trap! Open fire!" Optimus ordered.

"Wait, wait!" Jazz ordered, forcing the others to lower their weapons "Go ahead guys."

Ravage hissed ("Thank you. You see, Soundwave has since been fired from the Decepticons for being obsolete, and now he's depressed. We come to you, the Autobots, to help him get out of his slump, will you help us?")

"Uh...sure, but on one condition..." Hauler said.

Laserbeak screeched ("Oh yeah? What would that be?")

"You forgive us for Cosmos eating Rumble and Frenzy..." Skids said nervously.

Ravage turned ("What the-? Hey! Cut that out!")

Cosmos tried to talk through a mouthful of cassette, but could only make odd noises.

Jazz sighed "So, uh...deal?"

* * *

Ravage, Ratbat, Laserbeak and the regurgitated pair of Rumble and Frenzy led the Autobots back to Soundwave's apartment.

"Ok, here it is. Remember, pretend to lose, and then Soundwave'll feel better!" Frenzy reiterated.

"Yeah, yeah, we heard you the first time! Autobots, transform and kick ass!" Optimus commanded, kicking down Soundwave's door.

"What the-?" Red Alert asked, looking into Soundwave's room in shock.

The entire room had been completely redecorated, shelves now lined the walls, covered in knick knacks and crappy gifts. Where the couch had been, now there was a counter with a cash register, and standing behind it was Soundwave.

"GREETINGS: WELCOME VALUED CUSTOMERS, TO SOUNDWAVE'S GIFT EMPORIUM!" Soundwave exclaimed as he greeted his guests with open arms.

"What the-? Soundwave, we thought you was depressed!" Rumble said.

"EXPLANATION: I WAS, UNTIL I DISCOVERED MY TRUE CALLING, SELLING KNICK KNACKS AND OTHER SOUVENIRS! NOW I AM TRULY HAPPY!" Soundwave explained.

"Oh, uh...then I guess you won't be needing us then..." Jazz said uncertainly.

Ratbat chirruped ("I guess not, oh well, thanks anyway guys!")

"Oh, the shame of being unnesecary and obsolete! Oh, out brief candle! We are but shades-Argh!" Huffer's tirade was cut short by Frenzy tackling him.

* * *

The Autobots left, somewhat unsatisfied (although Cosmos tried to satisfy himself by eating Soundwave's TV, and Jazz had to drag Huffer away from an Edward Scissorhand's bobble head).

"Well, I guess that's that...mission accomplished?" Hauler asked.

"Not quite, I left a little present for them!" Wheeljack said, popping out of nowhere.

* * *

Back in Soundwave's shop, Frenzy was sweeping up the floor, when he found a large package.

"Huh? I wonder what this is?" Frenzy wondered aloud "...Oh..."

Inside of the box, was Dirge's head, covered in explosives.

The mushroom cloud could be seen for miles.

* * *

"Hey Cosmos? Where did you get your vehicle mode from anyway?" Skids asked as he and the others trekked back to base.

"Hmmm, I have some aliens stored within me, maybe they can answer!" Cosmos said, landing and opening his vehicle mode hatch.

"Why his head so big? Why his head so big?"

"I'm gonna get me some o' them tacos!"

"I'm gonna get a giant burrito too!"

* * *

And end of chapter 14. Yep, Cosmos was filled with Dextrians, who knew? He's also based on Audrey II of Little Shop of Horrors, hence the "Feed me Seymour!" line. Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed the chapter, it was longer than normal, so there's more to enjoy! Anyway, please remember to cast your votes, don't forget to leave a review and please remember to be kind to others...wait, was that a moral? In my story? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, until next chapter!


	15. Chapter 15

Well, hello, welcome one and all once again to a neat little story that we here at UltimoCo (a division of Eleven Industries) like to call...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 15, yep, 15er. Anyway, remember, the poll on my profile page is still open, so vote to see which character will get more air time! Oh, right, almost forgot, ahem...I do not own The Transformers or any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers...damn you Hasbro! Well, anyway, please enjoy the following 1000 word minimum story, don't forget to write a review and vote, and thank you very much for reading! On to the story!

* * *

"Christ I'm bored!" Slingshot exclaimed as he laid down on a couch.

"Well what do you expect? It's a Wednesday! Nothing good ever comes on a Wednesday!" Fireflight pointed out.

"No arguments there." Skydive muttered.

"Well, there's got to be something that we can do to alleviate this terrible boredom!" Air Raid said.

"Well...we could go out and have our own adventure." Skydive suggested.

"Yeah, that's a great idea! And it'll be an awesome adventure, with ninjas and aliens and stuff!" Slingshot cried, sitting bolt upright.

"But what about Silverbolt? Should we get him and bring him along with us?" Air Raid asked.

"Screw Silverbolt! We don't need him!" Fireflight said.

"Uh, ok then...shall we go now then?" Skydive asked.

"Why the hell not?" Slingshot asked, getting off the couch.

"Alright then! Aerialbots, minus Silverbolt, away!" Fireflight yelled, dashing off while holding his arms out in front of him and making whooshing noises.

Skydive sighed and swapped a glance with Air Raid "Dumbass."

"Definitely." Air Raid replied, before following him.

* * *

The group made their way to the exit, and were about to take off when they were suddenly stopped by a loud and obnoxious voice.

"Hey! Wait up you guys!"

Slingshot sighed "Oh crap, here comes that little freak Seaspray!"

"Hey guys, thanks for waiting!" Seaspray said as he approached the Aerialbots (minus Silverbolt).

"What the hell do you want Seaspray?" Fireflight asked, glaring at him.

"I heard you was going to go on an adventure! Can I join you?" Seaspray asked, his eyes shining with hope and expectation.

"No!" Slingshot snapped, causing Seaspray's eye's to lose their hope and expectation.

"What? Why not?" Seaspray asked.

"Well, for one thing Seaspray, you can't fly..." Skydive said delicately, not wanting to hurt Seaspray's feeling.

"That, and you suck!" Slingshot said, spitting at Seaspray.

"But...but I'm cool! People say so!" Seaspray protested.

"Who Seaspray? Who says that?" Slingshot asked, refusing to believe it.

"Uh...that guy from the deli! He thinks I'm cool!" Seaspray exclaimed.

"No he doesn't, he hates you as much as the rest of us!" Slingshot said, glaring at Seaspray with enough intensity to burn holes through the sea going Autobot.

"Yeah, it's true, he told us." Fireflight added.

"Uh, maybe I should take it from here" Air Raid broke in "You see Seaspray, it's not that you suck-"

"Which you do!" Slingshot interjected.

"It's just that...well, like Skydive said, you can't fly..." Air Raid continued, ignoring Slingshot.

"But...what if I tied my box kites to my body? I could fly then!" Seaspray exclaimed.

"No, gravity hates you and wants you to stay where you are!" Fireflight snapped.

"Yeah, face it Seaspray, you're like a more useless version of Aqua Man!" Slingshot added.

At this, the worst insult of all, Seaspray ran off, crying.

"You are such a deuce bag." Skydive said, glaring at Slingshot.

* * *

The Aerialbots (minus Silverbolt) took to the skies, soaring majestically over the land, like candy wrappers caught in an updraft, oh, it was quite a sight, let me tell you.

"So...now what do we do?" Fireflight asked.

"Well, I suppose we just fly around until something interesting happens..." Skydive suggested.

"That's a stupid idea! You're stupid!" Fireflight said.

Air Raid sighed "You really are an idiot."

"See? Air Raid agrees with me! Nyah!" Fireflight said, oblivious to the insult.

"Hey, look down there! A human settlement!" Slingshot pointed out.

"Oh yeah...let's go destroy it!" Fireflight suggested.

"What? No! We're the Aerialbots, minus Silverbolt, we're supposed to protect humans, not kill them!" Air Raid protested.

"Don't be such a pansy!" Fireflight snapped, before swooping down "Heehaw! Kill some humans!"

"We should probably stop him..." Skydive said.

"Yeah, but if we're lucky, maybe the humans will shoot him down!" Air Raid said.

"Hey, what the-?" The Aerialbots, minus Silverbolt heard Fireflight call out.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Skydive asked.

"This place is already trashed!" Fireflight exclaimed.

And he was right, all throughout the area were the hulks of wrecked cars and charred corpses.

"Jeez, only one organisation could have done something this awful..." Skydive said.

"Lawyers!" Fireflight exclaimed.

"The IRS!" Slingshot gasped.

"Close, but not quite! No, I think this bears all of the markings of...the Decepticons!" Skydive exclaimed.

"Wow, he must be a genius of perception!" Fireflight whispered to Slingshot.

"That, or he noticed the writing that says "Decepticons Rule!" spray painted on the wall of that building there." Slingshot pointed out.

"Oh." Fireflight said simply.

"Quickly Aerialbots, minus Silverbolt, to the skies!" Air Raid commanded as he and his fellows took off once more to find the Decepticons responsible for this injustice.

"Alright! Finally, a real adventure!" Slingshot exclaimed.

* * *

A short while later, the Aerialbots, minus Silverbolt, arrived at a second town, like the first one, this city was also badly damaged, the difference being that there were still Decepticons here.

"Look! It's the Seekers, minus Starscream's ghost!" Air Raid pointed out.

"What a freak." Slingshot muttered.

The Seeker's looked up.

"Hey! What are you guys doing here?" Thrust asked.

"Elementary my dear Thrust, we are out on an adventure!" Fireflight answered.

"What? You can't be on an adventure! We're out on an adventure!" Ramjet protested.

"Nuh uh! We called it first!" Fireflight argued.

"Freakin' idiots." Thundercracker muttered in disgust.

"Tell us about it!" Skydive said, strolling up to Thundercracker, alongside Air Raid.

"Well, I suppose we should get to fighting then?" Thundercracker suggested.

"Oh yes, lets!" Slingshot exclaimed, shooting Dirge.

"Argh!" Dirge screamed before he died.

"Seekers, attack!" Thundercracker cried.

"Aerialbots, minus Silverbolt, charge!" Air Raid shouted.

* * *

"I'm gunning for you Skydive!" Thrust announced as he flew rapidly towards Skydive.

"Ugh! His engines...so loud and obnoxious...just like a cell phone!" Skydive gasped as Thrust's loud engines deafened him.

"Aha! Yes, I'm beating you! In your base, killing your dudes!" Thrust exclaimed triumphantly.

"Uh, Thrust, maybe you should turn it down? I think you're overloading your engines!" Skydive shouted to be heard over the din.

"What?" Thrust shouted back.

"I said, I think you've overloading you're engines!" Skydive repeated.

"What?" Thrust asked again.

"I said-!" Skydive was cut off as both Thrust's engines and his eardrums exploded.

"Argh! I'm deaf and I'm falling!" Thrust screamed as he plummeted to his doom...doom happening to be a children's hospital.

"Oh...wow...that is, uh...wow..." Skydive said hesitantly.

* * *

"Watch out Slingshot, I'm about to rock you...like a tornado!" Ramjet sneered, before hitting Slingshot.

"That's hurricane ya idjit!" Slingshot retorted, before blasting Ramjet in retaliation.

"Ugh! Oh God damn it!" Ramjet cried out in annoyance "Oh, you're dead you uppity little bastard!"

"Come and get me then!" Slingshot said as he hovered in place.

"Ramjet, use Giga Impact!" Ramjet commanded, before flying towards Slingshot at top speed.

"Sucker!" Slingshot taunted, as he launched himself vertically upward using his VTOL jets.

"Argh!" Ramjet cried out as he crashed into an explosives factory.

The resulting explosion wiped out a good portion of the town.

* * *

Not far away, Fireflight was chasing down Dirge and Skywarp.

"I'm gonna get you, you little freaks!" Fireflight screamed, before bursting into a bout of insane laughter.

"Oh Jesus! He's catching up!" A terrified Dirge shouted.

"Just keep flying!" An equally scared Skywarp called back.

Fireflight suddenly launched a pair of fire fog missiles at his quarry. While one of them struck Dirge in the rear, the other exploded into the midst of a number of civilians, unleashing a cloud of acidic gas. When it settled, all that remained of the humans were a number of bloodied skeletons.

"Booyah! Bonus points!" Fireflight cried triumphantly.

"Gotta get outta here! Gotta escape!" Skywarp panted, attempting to teleport to safety.

"Oh, no escaping on my watch!" Fireflight said, blasting Skywarp as he attempted to flee.

As he was hit in mid teleportation, Skywarp was flung to some far off dimension where a number of alien Parasytes had integrated their way into humanity, biding their time until a full scale invasion could commence, never to be seen again.

"Huh, I wonder if we'll ever see Skywarp again?" Slingshot asked, flying alongside Fireflight.

"Oh, I'm sure we will Slingshot, I'm sure we will!" Fireflight reassured him.

* * *

Now all that was left in the Aerialbots, minus Silverbolt, way was Thundercracker and Dirge. Suddenly however, Dirge was hit by a blast of energy from Air Raid's torque rifle, twisting him around like a big...twisty...turny...thing! Needles to say, he suffered horribly.

"Well Thundercracker, I guess that just leaves you and me!" Air Raid said as he landed in front of Thundercracker.

"Uh, yeah...about that...goodbye!" Thundercracker cried as he threw a deku nut at the ground, temporarily blinding all of the Aerialbots, minus Silverbolt, and allowing Thundercracker and his wounded soldiers to escape.

"Huh...they got away...oh well." Air Raid said nonchalantly.

"Well, except for Skywarp, he's in another dimension...and Dirge, he's dead..." Skydive pointed out.

"Well, I guess that's that then! Adventure completed!" Slingshot said triumphantly, dusting his hands off.

"Not so fast soldiers!" A voice said.

"Jazz? What are you doing here?" Air Raid asked.

"I'm here to bring you back for gross destruction of human property and civilian casualties!" Jazz said, glaring at the Aerialbots, minus Silverbolt.

"Huh? What destruction?" Slingshot asked.

"You destroyed a children's hospital, an explosive's factory, killing a good portion of the town in the process and Fireflight here melted dozens of people!" Jazz exclaimed.

"Oh yeah...good times!" Fireflight said as he fondly reminisced.

"So, I'm here to throw your sorry asses in Hound's Training and Marriage Counselling Camp until you losers learn how to do things right!" Jazz said.

"Hound has a camp?" Skydive asked, puzzled.

"Wait, marriage counselling?" A perplexed Slingshot asked.

"Da-da-da-da!" A voice from above cried.

"What the-? Oof!" Jazz exclaimed as Seaspray abruptly dropped on him.

"Seaspray? How did you get here?" Air Raid asked.

"I tied all of my box kites to myself, then I cut the chords when I arrived!" Seaspray exclaimed.

"Oh...well, now that Jazz is unconscious, want to go get burgers?" Fireflight asked.

"Sure!" Seaspray said enthusiastically.

"Seaspray's buying!" Slingshot exclaimed as the five of them walked away.

"Oooh..." Jazz moaned as he struggled to get up, before collapsing.

* * *

And end o' chapter 15. Well, what did you, my loyal readers think? I certainly hope that you enjoyed it. And once again, don't forget about the poll, now you can vote for which character you would like to see more of! Voting closes whenever the hell I feel like it, so act fast! I hope that you enjoyed it, don't forget to review and vote and thank you for reading! Well, now that the story is over, I guess you guys should go back to your houses...well, what are you waiting for, it's over! Go home!


	16. Chapter 16

Hello, and welcome the sixteenth chapter of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 16. As usual, I am being forced to admit at gunpoint that I do not own either The Transformers or any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers...damn! Ok, well, now that we have the introduction out of the way, allow me to present...the story! Well, anyway, pleased remember to enjoy the following story, don't forget to leave a review when you're finished and thank you for reading!...Well, what are you still doing at the intro? Get out of here and enjoy the story!

* * *

In the Autobot base, Optimus Prime and Jazz were walking through the base.

"So Jazz, what are we supposed to be doing again?" Optimus asked his second in command.

"We're supposed to be checking out the energon deposits in the base's fuel storage area." Jazz explained to his leader.

"Oh...right, I totally knew that!" Optimus said with a slight wave of his hand.

Jazz sighed and rolled his optics "Whatever. Ah, here we are!"

The two stepped into the fuel storage area, to see a room full of...nothing.

"What the-?" Jazz asked in shock.

"Hey, here's a note!" Optimus exclaimed as he picked up the note.

"Gimme that!" Jazz said, snatching it away from his leader and reading it aloud ""I have stolen your energon for my own personal gain, boy, you really were stupid for letting me join you guys. Love, Octane." Son of a bitch!" Jazz screamed, crumpling the noted "Why the bloody hell did you let him join us Prime?"

Optimus shrugged "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Argh! Incompetent-! Optimus, you're stupidity has cost us dearly, so I have no choice but to place a bounty on Octane's head!" Jazz said.

"But where are we going to get the money for that?" Optimus asked.

"We're not, you are!" Jazz said, glaring at Optimus.

"But-" Optimus began, only to be cut off.

"No buts! This is your mistake, so you can pay for it!" Jazz snapped, before walking off.

"...Son of a bitch!" Optimus cursed.

* * *

In the Decepticon base, a small group of Decepticons had gathered around a table. Seated there were such individuals as Galvatron, Cyclonus, Ramjet, Dirge, Thrust, Long Haul, Scrapper and Hightower.

"Gentlemen" Galvatron said, addressing his fellow Decepticons "I have called you all here today for one reason...the Autobots have posted a bounty on the traitor, Octane!" Galvatron declared, holding up a wanted poster of Octane.

"A bounty? Good gravy man, how much are they offering?" Ramjet asked.

"$500,000! With that kind of dough, we'd be rich! Rich I say!" Galvatron cried, holding the poster up higher.

"Rich? Wait, what happened to the Decepticon fund? That had over two hundred million dollars in it!" Cyclonus exclaimed.

"Oh...I spent that on paddleballs!" Galvatron said, an idiotic grin lighting up his whole face.

Cyclonus growled through gritted teeth and began pounding his head on the desk "You (bang)! Stupid (bang)! Bastard (bang)!"

"Hmmm, all insult aside, who should we send out to hunt down Octane?" Galvatron asked.

"Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!" Thrust squealed as he bounced up and down in his chair.

"And why should it be you?" Galvatron asked.

"Because I can unleash my sonic squeals!" Thrust exclaimed, before demonstrating.

The resulting noise nearly shattered everyone's eardrums. The intense sound caused Hook and Ramjet to faint. It even completely destroyed Dirge's head.

"Gah! Make him stop!" Cyclonus shouted.

The squealing would have certainly continued, had the shrill sound not suddenly caused Thrust's eyes to explode.

"Aaaahhhh! My eyes! My beautiful eyes!" Thrust screamed as he clutched his bleeding sockets.

"Rrrrrrrrright...Anyway, Thrust's out!" Galvatron said.

"Then who should we send, o leader, my leader?" Scrapper asked.

"Hmmm, how about Thundercracker?" Galvatron suggested.

"Thundercracker? Why Thundercracker?" Cyclonus asked.

"Because he's been taking classes at some stupid school for ninja skills...that, and he's been acting like an uppity little bastard lately and I really want to get rid of him!" Galvatron said.

"Oh...um, ok then...I'll guess I'll go tell him then. Right, meeting is adjourned" Cyclonus said, banging the table with Dirge's head "Oh, I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to overstep my boundaries, you say that."

"Say what?" Galvatron asked, a confused look on his face.

"Meeting is adjourned." Cyclonus repeated.

"It is?" Galvatron asked.

"No, you say that!" Cyclonus said, glaring at his leader.

"Say what?"

Cyclonus sighed "Here, play with this." Cyclonus said, handing his leader a paddleball.

"Wahoo!" Galvatron cheered, leaping to his feet.

* * *

Later...

"...And that's what we want you to do. So, can you do it?" Cyclonus asked Thundercracker.

"Sure, just let me suit up first!" Thundercracker said, leaping to his feet and ducking behind a curtain.

"Suit up?" A perplexed Cyclonus asked.

Cyclonus was answered by Thundercracker leaping out from behind the curtain, now wearing a full blue body suit, bandages around his chest, arms and fists. A ragged white tunic covered the upper half of his body, the Decepticon insignia on the centre. Around his waist, Thundercracker wore a belt that contained kunai, shuriken and the ever important deku nuts. Finally, wrapped around his head, was a red headband.

"Suited up." Thundercracker declared triumphantly.

"Uh...wow, that's...quite a get up..." A stunned Cyclonus said.

"And now I must depart, fare thee well my friend." Thundercracker said as he stood up, threw a deku nut to the ground and disappeared in the ensuing flash of light.

"Damn...he's good!" Cyclonus muttered.

* * *

Back at the Autobot base...

"So, Mirage, is there anything good on tonight?" Jazz asked his fellow Autobot.

"Well, there's that great episode of _The_ _Simpsons _were it turns out Bart was born in the Nineties!" Mirage exclaimed excitedly, and was incredibly surprised to see that Jazz had suddenly pulled a gun on him.

"Say that again! Say that again! I dare you! I double dare you! Say that one more God damn time!" Jazz snarled as he held Mirage at gunpoint.

"Jazz, what-?" Mirage began.

"Let's get something straight here Mirage! That episode doesn't exist! Bart was born in the Eighties! Period! I don't want to hear one more God damn word about any new episodes! Next you'll be telling me that Bart was born with red hair!" Jazz snapped, glaring at his leader.

"But in one of the new episodes-!" Mirage swiftly silenced himself when Jazz cocked his weapon.

"Not one more God damn word." Jazz growled.

"Ok! Ok!" Mirage screamed, and Jazz slowly, hesitantly lowered his gun "So uh...who's going after Octane?" Mirage asked nervously.

"Well, someone replied to the ad Optimus sent out, so now he's going to send out a team to help this bounty hunter." Jazz replied.

Mirage suddenly stopped "Wait...did Optimus pick the team?" Mirage asked.

Now Jazz stoped "...Oh. God. Damn it!"

* * *

At the rendezvous point, Cliffjumper, Red Alert, Inferno, Wheeljack, Perceptor, Fireflight, Starscream's ghost and Seaspray were crowding around, waiting for their bounty hunter to show up. While the others were on the ground, Perceptor stood atop a building in telescope mode, truly the lamest of all modes.

"Do ya see him yet?" Red Alert shouted out to Perceptor.

"Just a minute...ah! I see the bounty hunter!" Perceptor called out.

"All right! Time to celebrate!" Cliffjumper shouted as he began firing missiles into the air.

"Just a minute...Hey!" Perceptor shouted out as he realised who the bounty hunter was "The bounty hunter is a De-!" He was unfortunately cut off by Cliffjumper's missile exploding.

"What'd he say?" Red Alert asked Inferno.

"He said the bounty hunter is a deer!" Inferno replied.

"Oh...wait, what?" A confused Red Alert asked.

"No God damn it! The bounty hunter is a De-!" Perceptor shouted, only to be cut off once again.

"Look! Here he comes!" Fireflight called out, pointing to an approaching figure.

Needles to say, all of them were somewhat shocked to see that their bounty hunter was a suited up Thundercracker.

Seaspray however, was yet to notice "As chairman of the welcoming committee, I extend to you a laurel, to our new..." Seaspray looked up and saw who he was talking to "...Decepticon..."

"What in tha hell?" An astonished Fireflight asked.

Thundercracker walked right into the midst of the group "Scuse me while I whip this out..." Starscream's ghost squealed in fright, and the others gasped...until Thundercracker pulled out a sheet of paper "I am honored to have been picked as your Bounty hunter, and promise to do my best to uphold-Why is everyone pointing a gun at my head?" Thundercracker asked.

And it was true, everyone present (except for Starscream's ghost) was now pointing a weapon at Thundercracker's head. There was a tense silence.

And then Thundercracker pointed his own gun at his head.

"Hold it!" Thundercracker demanded in a gruff voice "Anyone make one God damn move, and I blow this Decepticons head all over this town!"

Red Alert peered carefully at Thundercracker "Hold it men! He's not bluffing!"

Everyone except for Cliffjumper and Fireflight lowered their weapons.

Now Thundercracker began pleading in a desperate voice "Oh lordy! He's desperate! Do what he says! Do what he says!"

Cliffjumper and Fireflight swapped glances, before hesitantly lowering their weapons. From his view point, Perceptor could see what was going on, and was appalled by his comrade's stupidity.

"Next man moves, and this Decepticon gets it!" The gruff voiced Thundercracker warned as he began walking away, alternating between looks of confidence and fear.

"Isn't anyone gonna help that poor man?" Starscream's ghost wailed.

Inferno turned to Starscream's ghost "Hush freak! That's a sure way to get him killed!" Inferno hissed.

Now helpless Thundercracker began pleading again "Oh help me! Help me!"

Gruff Thundercracker took over "Shut up!" He warned, before covering his own mouth and ducking inside of a building.

Perceptor jumped down from his perch and glared at the others "You stupid bastards." Perceptor said, dangerously quiet.

* * *

Safely inside of the building, Thundercracker spoke to himself, in his normal voice this time "Oh baby, you are so talented! And they are dumb!"

* * *

Meanwhile...

"Hey! I thought that this adventure was supposed to be about me!" Octane protested "Well why the hell haven't I shown up 'till now? Screw this man! I'm getting a better agent!" Octane said, before he proceeded to storm off.

Suddenly, Thundercracker burst in.

"Ok Octane. Where's the energon?" Thundercracker demanded.

"Uh, over in the corner!" Octane shouted, desperate not to be shot.

"Alright, you just sit there until I get back! And don't even try to run, cause I got specially trained snipers crawling all over this place!" Thundercracker warned.

* * *

Outside...

"Do you think that cloud looks like a bunny, or a duck?" Seaspray asked.

Fireflight aimed his weapon upwards and fired a missile at the cloud "Now it looks like a God damn broken cloud!"

* * *

"Ok! Ok! I won't run!" Octane screamed.

"Good! Now to collect my bounty!" Thundercracker said triumphantly.

* * *

"...And here's your cash!" Optimus said as he handed Thundercracker a briefcase.

"Great! Galvatron will be glad to receive this!" Thundercracker said as he patted the briefcase.

"Very well, now...get the hell outta here! It's almost time for my stories!" Optimus snapped, pushing Thundercracker away.

"Alright, fine! Jeez, no need to get pushy!" Thundercracker said, before taking off.

"Optimus, why the hell did you actually pay him?" A severely irate Jazz asked.

"Oh, I didn't." Optimus answered

"What? Then what was in the briefcase?" A confused Jazz asked.

"Gold! Useless, useless gold!" Optimus exclaimed.

Jazz looked up at Thundercracker as he flew away, then down at his own feet and then he sighed in defeat.

* * *

And end of chapter the sixteenth. Yeah, a lot of Blazing Saddles jokes I know, I hope they didn't get too annoying or anything, thanks for sticking through it all the way. I shall have another chapter up as soon as possible! Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed it, please remember to leave a review and thank you for reading! Until the next chapter!


	17. Chapter 17

Why hello, and welcome to yet another chapter in the increasingly growing and ever enlarging story that is…THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 17. Oh yeah baby! Seventeen! Seventeen and still going! Whoo! Ahem, sorry about that little…outburst, I just…lost control for a minute there…wow, never thought I'd have to say _that _again…Anyway, since THEY are forcing me to admit that I do not own The Transformers or any characters that are associated with The Transformers, I am legally obligated to say…that I do not own The Transformers any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers…Well, now that we have _that _out of the way, please feel free to enjoy the following little comedic tale that I like to call…THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 17. Please enjoy, remember to leave a review when you're done and finally…thank you for reading!

* * *

In the Autobot base, Wheeljack was leading Autobot commander Optimus Prime and his second in command, Jazz through Wheeljack's laboratory to survey his latest inventions.

"Well Wheeljack, what have you got to show us this time?" Optimus asked as he followed the team's scientist.

"More importantly, is it going to explode?" Jazz muttered as he cautiously raised a fire extinguisher that he carried along with him whenever he had to visit Wheeljack and his laboratory.

"Well, first up we have the land mobile shark." Jazz replied, either not hearing or just plain ignoring Jazz's question.

"…Mobile…land shark?" Am extremely uncertain Jazz asked.

"Sure, here it is!" Wheeljack exclaimed as he led the Jazz and Prime to a window that separate the three from another room. Inside, was quite possibly the most terrifying creature that Jazz had ever seen. It was a shark that lacked gills and was supported by dozens of insect like legs. The room was completely dry and the shark seemed to be not to be suffering from any discomfort.

"What the hell is that thing?" A highly disturbed Jazz asked, stepping back in shock.

"Like I said, it's a mobile land shark!" An extremely proud Wheeljack exclaimed "Here, allow me to demonstrate!"

Wheeljack pressed a button on a remote, and a human man entered the room.

"Uh, yeah, I was to understand that there was to be pie and punch?" The man asked.

"No pie, only death awaits you!" Wheeljack said, speaking into a microphone.

"Huh?" The human asked, then shrieked when he saw the mobile land shark, before clawing and pounding on the door from which he had entered.

The shark awkwardly lurched forwards on its odd number of legs until it came within striking distance of the human. What happened next was a bloody and horrendous act, which should probably not be described here…aw, what the hell?

The shark opened it's gaping maw and-TO SEE THE REST OF THIS EXTREMELY GORY AND EXCITING SCENE PLEASE SEND $17.50 TO THE AUTHOR AT WHICH POINT THIS EXCERPT WILL BE AVAILABLE FOR VIEWING.

"Oh. My. God." A horrified Jazz said as blood steadily dripped down the window which separated the rooms.

"Freakin' awesome huh?" An excited Jazz asked.

"Hmmm, yes, very impressive…put a dozen in Seaspray's room." Optimus ordered, to which Wheeljack nodded.

Wheeljack led the group to the next window "And here we have my line of Pretenders."

"Dear God!" Jazz exclaimed, as he viewed the monstrosities before him.

All of them were disfigured horribly and in various ways. One of them had six arms, another had fangs and a second, larger set of arms growing out of it's back, while a third had no visible eyes at all, claws and pointed ears.

"Uh…good work?" Optimus said uncertainly as he viewed the creatures straight out of Uncanny Valley.

"Aren't they? And look, they speak too!" Wheeljack proudly proclaimed, pressing another button in the wall.

"Kill…me…"

"All I feel is pain."

"Oh God! Sweet merciful god! The agony! The agony!"

Optimus shuddered in horror and Jazz cringed visibly while Wheeljack nodded approvingly.

"And finally, we have a human pumped full of the T virus!" Wheeljack said happily as he showed them the latest of his creations.

At the mere sight of it, Optimus began retching and Jazz jumped back.

"Oh God! I think I just vomited in my face plate!" Optimus screamed as he leant over, hands on his knees.

"For God's sakes Wheeljack! Kill it!" Jazz shouted as the beast began clawing at the window.

"Heh, it's a Hunter!" Wheeljack explained happily, before moving a curtain to cover the window.

"You're a complete monster!" Jazz screeched.

"What are you saying? Optimus loves my creations, don't you Optimus?" Wheeljack asked

"Oooh…" Optimus moaned.

"See! He totally agrees with me!" Wheeljack exclaimed, glaring at Jazz.

"I'm outta here." Jazz said, before he turned and strode off.

"So…messed up…" Optimus panted, dabbing at his sweating brow with a towel.

"Everyone's a critic!" Wheeljack muttered in an annoyed tone of voice, before pressing yet another button.

A wary and frightened Dirge stepped through the door that led to the Hunter room.

"W-what's going on? Where am I? Is this another Autobot torture chamber? Oh my God! What the hell is that thing?" Dirge could be heard, before a loud splattering noise followed, accompanied by screaming, sobbing and some pleading.

Wheeljack chuckled.

* * *

Elsewhere, Starscream's ghost, Cliffjumper, Blaster and Springer were playing a card game in the parlour.

"You got any threes?" Cliffjumper asked Starscream's ghost.

"Nope! Go fish hunting!" Starscream's ghost proclaimed happily.

In response, Cliffjumper quickly stood up, tipped the table over and pointed his weapon at Starscream's ghost's head "Bullshit! Where are your threes? I demand your threes!" Cliffjumper screamed.

Starscream's ghost screamed and ran off, sobbing in horror and fright.

As if nothing had happened, Cliffjumper sat back down and turned to Blaster "What a freak."

"Yeah, can you believe that Springer once made out with him?" Blaster asked.

"Hey, shut up! I thought he was a woman!" Springer exclaimed in anger, glaring at Blaster.

"Yeah, that's it…" Blaster muttered smugly.

"Son of a bitch! I'll kill you!" Springer cried, before launching himself at Blaster.

"Whoo! Yes my pretties! Kill each other for my own entertainment!" Cliffjumper screamed as he watched Blaster and Springer fight each other.

"Aha! Kneel pitiful Autobots before the mighty might of Galva-!" Galvatron began as he, Cyclonus, Brawl, Onslaught and Scrapper burst through the wall and saw Blaster and Springer, rolling around on the ground while Cliffjumper cheered them on.

"Jesus Christ dude, this is screwed up!" Cyclonus exclaimed.

"True that!" Onslaught said.

"Decepticons! Retreat! And get the brain bleach! I need to un-see this!" Galvatron commanded as he covered his eyes and ran off…promptly running into a wall and knocking himself out.

"Should we do something?" Brawl asked.

"Screw it, he's done for." Cyclonus muttered, before turning and walking away.

"Well, once again, the day is saved, thanks to me!" Cliffjumper said triumphantly as the unconscious form of Galvatron lay on the ground while Springer and Blaster wrestled each other.

* * *

And…end of chapter 17! Yeah, 17! Whoo! Ahem, allow me to once again apologise for yet another one of my outbursts, I promise you, it shall never happen again…at least until chapter 20. Whoo! 20! Before I wrap all of this up, I would like to apologise for the relative shortness of this chapter, especially when compared to my last two or three chapters, so sorry. Well, now that we have that out of the way, I would like you once again for reading, and to remind you to please leave a review, so…thank you for reading, and I hope that you enjoyed it! Until the next chapter!


	18. Halloween Special

Greetings guy's and ghouls to what is no doubt a very special event for...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE!, for you see, this is...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE!'s Halloween Special...in July! That's right, this story is getting a Halloween special, tacky and wrongly timed as it may be. Who knows, maybe if it runs that long it'll be an annual occurrence, here's hoping. And just for variety, not only will we be focusing on the Autobots and the Decepticons, but also the Trick or Treating tales of Daniel Witwicky and his friends. Well, please bear with me on this, I aim to make this as funny as possible, I'm just a little worried about the part's featuring Daniel and his friends. Ahem, well, without any further ado, please allow me to introduce...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL! Please enjoy the following little tale, don't forget to leave a review and finally...thank you for reading!

Oh, and before I forget, I do not own The Transformers, any characters that are associated with The Transformers or any of the fictional characters that are represented here, yadda, yadda, yadda. OK, now that we have that out of the way...three...two...one...On to the story!

* * *

In the Autobot base, the Autobots were making preparations for their annual Halloween party. Jazz oversaw the preparations while Jetfire and Strafe hung up the streamers. Skydive and Slingshot blew up balloons, while Blades carved jack-o-lanterns and Grimlock lit the candles. As this was going on, Air Raid made punch, Perceptor was out buying food and Wheeljack was, as usual, making preparations to spike everything. The leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime, was currently busy doing what he did every Halloween...deciding what costume to wear.

"Damn it Jazz! I just can't decide on what to wear!" An exasperated Optimus exclaimed as he walked over to his second in command, who was busy commanding Hauler to lift a banner.

In response, Jazz sighed "Optimus, we go through the same routine every year, you always claim to not know what to wear, and you always end up wearing the same thing."

"And what's that?" A puzzled Optimus asked.

"...A cow remember?" Jazz replied, still guiding Hauler.

Optimus' face lit up "Oh yes, that's right! A great big lovely cow, with great big lovely udders!" Prime exclaimed, before dashing off.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Jazz chuckled to himself "Idiot."

"Nice one Jazz, but why a cow?" Hauler asked.

"I got the idea from an episode of _Blackadder_...a little to the left." Jazz responded, before continuing his instructions.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" The two heard Optimus cry.

* * *

In the Witwicky residence, Daniel was getting ready to go out trick or treating with his friends. This year, he had decided to go as a bear cub, instead of the pirate outfit that his father had picked out for him. As he stood on the porch of his house, Daniel's father, Spike, made sure to impart some words of wisdom unto his son.

"...And remember Daniel, always walk on the sidewalk." Spike said, kneeling down, one hand on his son's shoulder.

"Yes dad." Daniel said, rolling his eyes at his father's concern.

"And don't accept any candy with torn wrappers." Spike added.

"Yes dad." Daniel repeated.

Noticing the pattern, Spike asked "Have you gotten into my weed stash boy?"

"Yes dad...wait, what?" A startled Daniel asked.

"I thought that one would get you." Spike said, rolling his own eyes this time "But seriously for a moment, because this is the most important rule of all..." Spike trailed off, waiting for his son to acknowledge him.

"Yes dad?" Daniel asked.

"Don't accept any candy from the Autobots." Spike warned his son in a grave tone of voice.

"Not even Wheelie?" An astonished Daniel enquired.

"Especially not from Wheelie!" Spike exclaimed "Now, go on out son, I think your friend's will be waiting for you."

"Sure dad, I guess I'll see you later, bye dad!" Daniel called out as he ran down the porch and into the street.

Spike stood up and turned to go back into the house "Hey Carly!" Spike shouted "Break out the booze! Daniel's gone out with his little wiener friends!"

* * *

At the Decepticon base, Galvatron was lying in his recliner, a beer bottle in one hand. Suddenly, a large group of Decepticons approached him, led by Cyclonus.

"Go on, you ask him...him!" Shrapnel hissed at Cyclonus, gently pushing him in Galvatron's direction.

"You guys seriously owe me for this!" Cyclonus hissed back, before turning to their leader "Uh, Galvatron?"

"Huh, whazzat?" Galvatron asked, suddenly sitting bolt upright "Oh, it's just you guys. Well, what the hell do you want?"

Cyclonus cleared his throat "Ah, well, the Autobots are hosting their Halloween party and some of the lads and I wanted to know if maybe...we could go?" Cyclonus asked.

Galvatron stared at his second in command in a mixture of shock and horror "What? You want to go to some stupid Autobot party? Blasphemy!" Galvatron shouted, jumping out of his seat.

"Oh come on Galvatron, it's only for the night, and we promise, there'll be no fraternising with the enemy!" Thundercracker assured, stepping forward.

"No way in hell are you guys going to that party! Why, if you want a party so damn much, we'll just have our own party! And it'll be ten times better, with blackjack and hookers...in fact, forget the party!" Galvatron boomed.

Cyclonus slapped his forehead "Look, Galvatron, we would much rather go the Autobots party, we've had absolutely no time to prepare here, plus the Autobots would have booze and stuff."

"And Arcee." Reflector muttered.

"No God damn it! We're having a part here, and ain't no one leavin'!" Galvatron snapped, stomping his feet "Insecticons! Put up the balloons! Coneheads! Get some party hats! Stunticons! Get some snacks damn it! A party ain't nothing without snacks!"

Cyclonus sighed and massaged his brow, it was going to be a long night "Bring booze." Cyclonus told Dead End as he ran past.

* * *

On the streets, Daniel was meeting with his friends. One of them was dressed up as an angel, a cherub like mask covering her face, another was dressed up as an alien, a blue cloak covering her body, a glow stick in her hand and an alien mask disguising her face while the third was dressed as a witch.

"Hi guys!" Daniel called out with a wave of his hand.

His friend's turned.

"Daniel." Angel acknowledged with a slight nod of her head.

"Hey Danny." Alien greeted.

"Candy apple?" Witch asked, offering Daniel a dirt covered apple on a stick.

"Uh...no thanks...so, we all ready?" Daniel asked.

"Almost, we just have to wait for Sc-" Angel began, before being cut off by a loud noise.

The group turned to see a teenaged wearing a purple jacket and a skull mask coming towards them, pushing a shopping cart.

"Trick or treat!" The new figure said.

"About time." Angel muttered.

"Cool mask." Alien said, peering closely at the grinning skull.

"Thanks, my dad got it in Mexico." Skull replied, lifting it up.

"Cool, what else did he get?" Daniel asked, a broad grin on his face.

"Syphilis." Skull said, wiping the grin off of Daniel's face.

"Well, what are we waiting for? We've got houses to scope out." Angel reminded them.

"Wait a second" Skull said, holding up a hand to stop the group "Daniel, please don't tell me you're going as a bear cub?"

"What's wrong with the bear suit?" Daniel asked.

"Nothing, unless you want to run into Nicolas Cage." Skull replied with a shrug.

"...Huh?" A severely perplexed Daniel asked.

Suddenly, Nicolas Cage ran up to the group, punched Daniel, ripped his bear suit off, put it on and ran off screaming obscenities into the night.

"Wow...that was...weird..." Alien said in amazement.

On the ground, Daniel groaned and struggled to get up.

"Told you." Skull said with a frown.

"I better put that second costume on..." Daniel muttered, before turning and walking back home.

* * *

Back in the Autobot base, the Autobots had completed their decorations and had now begun to put on their costumes. Jazz had since donned a James Bond costume, and was holding a Walther PPK in one hand and a martini in the other, while beside him, Huffer had painted himself silver and was wearing green contact lenses.

"Who are you supposed to be?" Bluestreak asked as he wandered around the base in his Prowl costume.

"What? Can't you tell? I'm Marvin the Paranoid Android." Huffer replied slowly.

Bluestreak rubbed his chin thoughtfully "Funny, you don't look like Warwick Davis."

"That's because I'm the Marvin from the TV show." Huffer said, still talking in his slow and slightly sad drawl.

"There's a Hitchhiker's TV show?" An astonished Bluestreak asked.

Besides the two, Jazz sighed.

Elsewhere, Cosmos had dolled himself up to resemble the _Millennium Falcon,_ Springer was going as Indiana Jones, the Dinobots were dressed as the cast of _Extreme Dinosaurs _(except for Sludge, who had to go as Brachio from _Dinosaucers), _the Protectobots were the Power Rangers, Cliffjumper was a packet of pancake mix, Hauler was going as Armada's Hoist, Wheeljack was Dexter, Boy Genius while Starscream's ghost had painted himself black with red stripes and had added bones to his frame, making him look like a giant Decepticon skeleton. Even Teletraan II was getting in on it, he had started calling himself the HAL 9000 and had welded panels to every door in the base.

"Wow, this is shaping up to be a great party!" Sideswipe exclaimed as he stood by the punch bowl, dressed as Luigi.

"Yep, it sure is!" Sunstreak said joyously in his Mario costume "All thanks to my glorious presence!"

Mirage meanwhile, had begun playing with his hologram projector, until he settled on what he saw as the perfect costume...a Groucho Marx disguise.

"Hey guys! Great party so far, eh?" Mirage asked as he strolled up to the pair.

"Yeah, as long as Inferno doesn't-" Sideswipe began, before a door burst open.

"Here comes me!" A loud voice echoed around the room.

"Oh dear Mr. Tracks..." Warpath muttered to his partner, the two dressed as assassins.

"It appears that we have trouble, Mr. Warpath." Tracks replied as Inferno ran up to the pair.

"And what are you supposed to be?" Warpath asked, glaring ar Inferno.

"Randy Quench! Volunteer Fireman!" Inferno exclaimed, a huge smile on his face as he struck a pose.

"Oh dear God..." Tracks muttered, placing his head in his hands.

Meanwhile, Hot Rod, dressed as Raggedy Andy, was talking to Gears, who was going as Malcolm Reynolds from _Firefly_.

"Why are you in that stupid costume dude?" A weirded out Gears asked the clearly confused Hot Rod.

"It's not stupid! Arcee said she'd go as Raggedy Anne, that way we could be a team, and then we'd win the costume contest for sure!" Hot Rod explained.

"Hi Hot Rod." Arcee greeted as she walked up to the duo...wearing a werewolf mask.

"What the-? Arcee! You were supposed to be Raggedy Anne! We're a team, remember?" Hot Rod asked.

"Oh, sorry, I just realised that going as Raggedy Anne and Andy was a stupid idea, and I thought you would too, sorry about that." Arcee responded with a shrug, before walking off to talk to Springer.

Hot Rod stood where he was for a minute, seething "...Son of a bitch!"

Next to him, Gears was rolling on the ground, laughing.

In his room, Optimus had still not decided on what to wear.

"Damn! What can I be? It has to be something cool, original and scary, but what?" Optimus asked himself, before he began emptying out his closet.

* * *

Elsewhere, the Aerialbots were getting ready, and were just finishing putting on their costumes.

"Ok, we all come out on the count of three...one...two...three!" Silverbolt commanded.

At his command, four of the five Aerialbots slowly exited the change rooms. Standing tall and proud was Silverbolt, who was wearing a purple jacket, a black wig and a skull mask. Beside him was Slingshot, who was wearing a bloody pirate costume, sausages draped over his shoulder. Standing beside him was Skydive, who was somewhat annoyed by his costume...he was dressed as a witch and glasses perched on his face.

"Remind me again why I'm a witch?" Skydive asked.

"You're not a witch, you're Rhonda, from _Trick 'r Treat_!" Silverbolt reminded him.

"But why do I have to be her? This is stupid!" Skydive persisted.

"Well, first of all, I wanted us to have a theme, and that theme just so happened to be the kids of _Trick 'r Treat_, second of all, you're Rhonda because you're the smart one!" Silverbolt said.

"Then why is Air Raid a Canadian chick?" A perplexed Skydive asked.

"What? I am not a Canadian chick!" A severely pissed off Air Raid asked as he stood in his costume, a sparkly blue cloak wrapped around him, while a set of headgear braces covered his face.

"Actually, yes you are, Isabelle Deluce, the actress who plays Sara, is Canadian." Silverbolt pointed out.

Air Raid narrowed his eyes at his leader "Silverbolt you son of a bitch."

Slingshot laughed uproariously at this.

"Shut up!" Air Raid cried "And why the hell is Fireflight Macy?"

"Because he drew the short straw." Silverbolt reminded him.

Slingshot began laughing again.

"What did I just say? WHAT DID I JUST SAY?" Air Raid screamed.

Silverbolt ignored the squabbling and walked up to Fireflight's stall "Come on out Fireflight, we need you!"

"Hell no!" Fireflight protested.

"You have to come out some time." Silverbolt insisted.

"Hell I do!" Fireflight replied stubbornly.

Silverbolt turned and nodded to Slingshot.

"On it boss." Slingshot said, returning the nod.

Slingshot raised his weapons and fired at Fireflight's cubicle, demolishing it. When the dust settled, there stood Firelight, wearing a white dress with feathers glued to his wings.

Air Raid's eyes twitched, Skydive gasped and Slingshot began crying tears of laughter at this new sight.

Fireflight growled "Oh you can all just go to hell." Fireflight snarled, before storming off.

* * *

At the Decepticon base, Galvatron's party was a total bomb. The balloons were all uninflated, as none of the Insecticons knew how to tie knots, the streamers littered the floor and the treats comprised entirely of bits of cheese on toothpicks. At the centre of it all stood Galvatron, dressed as Megatron. Beside him, stood Cyclonus and Thundercracker, disguised as Darth Vader and Sheik respectively. Not far away, the Constructions were dressed as the members of Organization XIII, The Insecticons were dressed up as _A Bug's Life _characters, Astrotrain was a cowboy, Blitzwing was a member of the French Foreign Legion, Trypticon was Godzilla, the Horrorcons were Mecha-Godzilla and Mecha-Kong and Skywarp was a vampire, elegant suit and blood dripping from his mouth included. Close by, Soundwave, who had since been rehired as the base's gift shop manager had turned himself into an iPod, and his Mini-Cassettes were apps, while Ramjet was Kyle from _South Park,_ Thrust was Stan and Dirge (surprise, surprise) was Kenny.

Cyclonus stepped up to Galvatron "Sir, we need to talk."

"Not now, I'm enjoying this awesome party!" Galvatron silenced Cyclonus as he danced to the music...which happened to be country western.

Cyclonus shuddered "Sir, this party blows!"

Galvatron suddenly stopped dancing "What did you just say?" A very annoyed Galvatron asked, fire blazing in his eyes.

Cyclonus stared his leader straight in the eye "I said, this party blows." Cyclonus repeated.

Galvatron glared down at his second in command "Well then, if that's the way you feel, why don't you just leave?" Galvatron asked.

Suddenly, Cyclonus brightened "Sure! Hey guys, Galvatron just said we could leave!"

Everyone turned and stared for a moment, before they rushed out of the door, trampling Dirge to death in the process.

"Oh my God! They killed Dirge-y!" A horrified Thrust exclaimed.

"You bastards!" Ramjet shouted at the fleeing Decepticons, before they ran after them.

A stunned Galvatron stood where he was for a second, before calling after the others "Fine! I don't need you! I'll have my own damn part by myself! And it'll have blackjack and hookers...in fact, forget the party!"

* * *

On the streets, Daniel was walking with Alien. The group had decided to split up in order to collect more Candy and scope out the good houses. So far, Daniel and Alien had had no luck.

"So...what's it like?" Daniel asked Alien.

"What's what like?" Alien asked.

"Being a minor character who does nothing memorable? What's it like?" Daniel asked.

Alien suddenly stopped "Excuse me? Minor character?"

"Well sure, let's face it, you're not going to do anything of real importance, hell, you're most notable feature is your giant braces! Do you even have a name?" Daniel pointed out.

"Giant braces?" Alien asked, glaring at Daniel, but unconsciously touching her braces "Screw you Daniel! I am not a minor character! And I have a name! It's Sa-"

Daniel chuckled, cutting her off "Sure, you say that now, but just wait until the undead hordes show up and you're the first to die!"

Alien groaned in frustration "You are such a jerk!"

"Hey guys, find anything good?" Skull asked as he, Witch and Angel strode up to the pair.

"See for yourself." Alien replied, an annoyed look on her face as she held out her back.

Skull took the bag and peered inside "Pennies? Who the hell is giving out pennies?"

"Reverend Harris, he says sugar is the work of the devil." Alien replied, rolling her eyes.

"But...isn't that his house over there?" Witch asked, pointing behind the group.

They all turned to see a house covered in what was apparently with red paint. Phrases such as "God is Dead" and "Where is Your God Now?" covered the exterior of the house, and on the roof, there was a cross. Mounted on the top of the cross was a surprisingly realistic looking head. The group looked down to see a young trick or treater walking away from the house, clad in orange footy pyjamas and wearing a flour sack over his head.

"Wait, that wasn't there before-" Alien began, before Daniel cut her off.

"Hush background character, let the other, more important people do the talking." Daniel cut in, earning him a glare.

"But why would he change his mind?" Angel asked.

Skull shrugged "Who know, maybe the spirit of the holiday got to him."

With that, the group walked off to find more houses.

* * *

In the Autobot base, the part was in full swing. Most of the Autobots were dancing, some were at the buffet table while others talked to each other. Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"Oh, I'll get it guys." Jazz said as he strolled over to the door.

Frankly, he was more than a little surprised to see what was basically the entire Decepticon regiment.

"Uh, hi...can we come in?" Thundercracker asked.

"Uh...why?" A confused Jazz asked.

"We just want to party, no funny business, promise." Thundercracker replied.

"Why not have your own party?" Jazz questioned.

"We tried to, but it sucked." Cyclonus piped up.

"Please can we come in?" Thundercracker asked, his eyes glistening.

Jazz sighed in frustration "Fine, just don't do anything stupid!"

"Gotcha, nothin' stupid!" Thundercracker called out as he ran past.

"Thanks Jazz!" Cyclonus shouted.

Jazz sighed once again as more Decepticons streamed past him "The things I do for friends."

The Autobots, more than a little drunk at this point, accepted the Decepticons remarkably easily. Soon, both sides began to enjoy themselves...everyone except for Air Raid that was.

"Silverbolt, this party sucks!" Air Raid complained.

"Nonsense! You're just incensed because you're a Canadian chick!" Silverbolt retorted.

In response, Air Raid growled "And there are way too many Humans here!"

"Well, how many are there?" Silverbolt asked.

"Two!" Air Raid replied "And that is way too many for my taste! Look, one of them is mingling with the Seekers as we speak! Oh wait, now she's being held back by First Aid..."

"Cliffjumper, you stupid bastard! You're lucky I can't get you or I swear to Primus I will make you suffer!"The devil woman could be heard shouting.

"Who, the one in the devil costume?" Silverbolt asked, peering into the crowd.

"Yes, just look at her, all devil woman-y!" Air Raid seethed.

"Oh, why not mingle with the other one then?" Silverbolt suggested.

Air Raid sighed "Fine, but only to get away from you!"

Air Raid slowly approached a solitary human who was hanging out by the buffet table. He was tall, skinny and wore a trench coat, blue shirt and a pair of glasses while his hair was slicked up into the shape of a scythe.

"So...what are you supposed to be?" Air Raid asked.

"Me? I am the almighty, all powerful Author! Ruler and commander of all I see, I can create life and take it away in an instant! I can create wonders or I can create monsters! Such is the nature of my phenomenal cosmic power!...I'm also Dib from _Invader Zim._" The human replied, looking up at Air Raid.

"Uh huh...well you don't look so powerful to me." Air Raid observed.

"Oh yeah? Well why are you a Canadian chick?" The Author asked.

In response, Air Raid growled and levelled his torque rifle at the Author.

The Author squeaked "Uh, never mind then, forget I asked...corn chip?" The Author offered, holding up a bowl of cheesy corn chips.

* * *

At the entrance, Optimus was still looking for the perfect costume "Argh! Why can't I find it?" Optimus asked himself.

Suddenly, he found himself distracted by the doorbell.

"What now?" A frustrated Optimus asked as he opened the door.

"Trick or Treat!" A trio of clowns exclaimed.

"No candy until I find a costume!" Optimus snapped, before slamming the door shut in the trio's faces.

Suddenly, the doorbell rung again, and Optimus opened it.

"Trick or treat!" A young boy dressed as a puppy cried, holding out a bag.

"No candy! Just door!" Optimus exclaimed, once again slamming the door.

And for a third time, the doorbell rung.

"This had better be a costume delivery guy." Optimus muttered.

Instead, there was a young woman in her late teens.

"Hi, my name is Isabelle Deluce, my car broke down and I was wondering if I could use your phone?" The woman asked.

Optimus slammed the door in her face without saying a word to her.

"Want, want, want! Need, need, need!" Optimus ranted to himself.

For the fourth time, the doorbell rang.

But this time, there was something different, Optimus suddenly felt a chill go down his nonexistent spine.

"Odd...maybe it really is a costume delivery guy this time!" Optimus exclaimed hopefully.

However, when he opened the door, he only saw a young trick or treater wearing footy pyjamas and a flour sack over his head. In his hands he carried a dirty burlap sack, which he held out expectantly.

"Oh Jesus, another distraction? Beat it kid!" Optimus said, before booting the young boy away and not only slamming the door, but placing a sign on it that said Do Not Disturb and locking and dead bolting it "Let's see them get through that!"

* * *

On the curb, Sam, picked himself up and stared at the door to the Autobot base. Someone was going to pay for this, oh yes indeed.

* * *

Back inside, Air Raid was scowling, everywhere he went he was asked the same question: "Why are you dressed as a Canadian chick?" Suddenly, Air Raid saw the one person he knew that would not, nay, could not mock him...Perceptor. Surely Perceptor would not say such a childish thing.

"Hey Perceptor, what's shaking?" Air Raid asked as he approached Perceptor.

"Not much Air Raid, I-" Perceptor paused when he saw Air Raid's costume "...Why are you a Canadian chick?"

Air Raid screamed in frustration and pulled out his torque rifle, before firing wildly. One of his shots struck Dirge in the back while he was getting himself a cup of punch, killing him, a fact which did not go unnoticed by his friends.

"Oh my God, they killed Dirge-y!" A horrified Thrust exclaimed.

"You bastards!" Ramjet shouted, shaking his fist menacingly at Air Raid.

Meanwhile, Hauler had noticed that they were running out of balloons, apparently Fireflight had been stomping on them. He turned to Wheeljack.

"Hey Wheeljack, we got anymore balloons?" Hauler asked.

Wheeljack turned to face Hauler "Balloons? Yeah sure, I think I got some in my lab."

"Ok, thanks Wheeljack." Hauler said.

"Just a second Hauler" Wheeljack stopped Hauler "Look anywhere you want for those balloons, just don't go in my secret closet." Wheeljack warned Hauler.

"Uh, sure, I'll do that." Hauler replied, before leaving to get the balloons.

Air Raid meanwhile, was now severely intoxicated. How anyone could have gotten so drunk within the space of less than a minute was a mystery, but somehow, Air Raid had found a way. Suddenly, Blitzwing approached Air Raid.

"Autobot." Blitzwing acknowledged.

"Deshepticon." Air Raid slurred.

"Interesting party, wouldn't you day?" Blitzwing asked.

"Yeah, shure..." Air Raid replied, leaning slightly to the left.

"But I have a question for you..." Blitzwing added.

"Shoot." Air Raid said.

"Why are you dressed as a Canadian chick?" Blitzwing asked, a smirk on his face.

Something within Air Raid finally snapped, and he instantly sobered up.

"Argh!" Air Raid roared as he launched himself at Blitzwing.

The other Autobots and Decepticons all turned to see what was causing the commotion.

"Hey, a fight...fight!" Shrapnel pointed out.

"Sweet! Go Blitzwing! Show that Autobot bastard!" Reflector cheered.

"No way! Come on Air Raid! You show that Decepticreep what a Canadian chick can do!" Cliffjumper cried.

"Takin' all bets here! A thousand to one on Air Raid and his strangely effeminate costume!" Swindle called out, and immediately, everyone rushed over to him.

* * *

In Wheeljack's laboratory, Hauler was having no luck in finding those balloons. Suddenly, he noticed a closet that had the sign "Keep Out" imprinted on it. Looking around and seeing no one, Hauler cautiously opened the door.

"What harm could it possibly do?" Hauler asked himself.

Suddenly, Hauler was knocked to the ground by something that ran past him. Hauler leapt to his feet and looked around, weapon raised. Suddenly, he heard a noise from behind him. Hauler whirled around, only to see nothing.

"W-who's there?" Hauler called out nervously.

Suddenly, the beast charged at Hauler, and he could clearly see what it was: Seven humans stitched together, each one crawling on all fours.

"Heeeeelllllllppppp meeeeeeeeee!" The centipede human thingy screeched as it charged Hauler.

"Aaaaaahhhhh!" Hauler screamed as he opened fire at the beast.

* * *

On the streets, Daniel pointed out the house of a serial killer as they walked by.

"See that? That's were Willy "Library Card" Wilkins lived." Daniel pointed to an old, dilapidated building that was falling apart.

"Why'd they call him Library Card?" Witch asked.

"Because had this really awesome-" Alien began, only to be cut off by Daniel. Again.

"Jesus, will you shut up so I can tell the damn story?" Daniel snapped "...Everyone silent? Good! It's because he cut people's throats with library cards!" Daniel explained.

"Huh, I guess that's why we have these lame library cubes with the filed down edges." Skull said as he pulled out his own library cube, before casually tossing it aside.

"Lame! Let's get going!" Angel said, rolling her eyes, before walking off at a quick pace, closely followed by the others.

While the others weren't looking, Skull bent down and picked by his library cube, which he kissed profusely "Sorry, sorry, sorry! I could never leave you! Ever!"

"Uh...Dude?" Daniel asked, startling Skull "We're...we're kinda going now...you coming, or do you want to get a room with your cube?"

* * *

Back in the base, the Autobots and Decepticons were still crowding around Blitzwing and Air Raid. Suddenly, a severely bloodied and horrified Hauler walked up to the ring. Wheeljack stared at him.

"The...horror..." Hauler murmured in shock.

"What? Did you see something? You see something in my closet?" Wheeljack interrogated.

"No! I saw nothing!" Hauler quickly said.

"That's right nothing!" Wheeljack replied, glaring intently at Hauler.

Meanwhile, the Aerialbots all came to support Air Raid...well, some of them did.

"You can do it Air Raid! We believe in you!" Silverbolt reassured his solder.

"Yeah! You can do it man!" Skydive agreed.

"Yeah...or, alternatively, you could take a dive..." Slingshot suggested "I got a lot of money riding on Blitzwing."

Fireflight simply growled and glared with intensity at Silverbolt.

"Oh, right! We have to change costumes now!" Silverbolt exclaimed, before throwing down three deku nuts.

When the smoke cleared, he, Fireflight and Air Raid were now wearing zombie costumes with chains attached.

Air Raid looked down in shock "What the-? I didn't change my costume! Wait, Silverbolt, did you change me?" Air Raid asked in horror.

Fireflight on the other hand, was much happier "Awesome! Finally, I'm out of that lame ass costume!"

"Go get 'em slugger!" Silverbolt encouraged.

"On my mark...fight!" Astrotrain announced, before ringing a bell.

At that moment however, a different bell rang, the door bell.

"Oh, I'll get it guys!" Red Alert cried, before opening the door.

Standing in the door, were a number of Autobot zombies.

"Oh shit..." Red Alert said in horror, before zombie Ratchet tackled him and began tearing into him.

"Zombies!" Sunstorm screamed in horror, placing his hands on his cheeks...which promptly melted off.

"Uh oh! Quick, somebody do something!" Mirage cried.

Everyone suddenly turned towards the Author.

"What? Oh, uh...I'll heroically save the day...by getting the hell outta here!" The Author cried, before teleporting away...but not before stealing the bowl of corn chips.

"Uh...anyone else?" Mirage asked.

"I know! Sideswipe and Sunstreaker!" Gears exclaimed.

"They've gone." Jazz pointed out.

"...We're dead..." Huffer said simply.

This time, Starscream not only screamed, he wet himself, before running off.

"Ffffrrrrreeeeaaaaakkkk..." Zombie Windcharger moaned.

"Hey look, it's Windcharger!" Wheeljack pointed out "Hey buddy, still missing those arms I see!"

Windcharger groaned and shambled up to Wheeljack "Fffffllllleeeeeesssshhhh..."

"Uh yeah, ain't got none of that..here, take Seaspray!" Windcharger cried, throwing Seaspray, who was dressed as Aqua Man at him, before dashing off.

Following zombie Windcharger were others, such as zombie Ironhide, zombie Prowl, zombie Ratchet and other zombie Autobots.

"Well boys, it looks like we're in a whole mess of trouble." Sandstorm stated as he slowly backed away.

The zombies growled, before charging at the Autobots and Decepticons. Zombie Prowl threw himself at Dirge and began ripping him to pieces with his bare hands.

"Oh my God! They killed Dirge-y!" A horrified Thrust exclaimed.

"You bastards!" Ramjet shouted.

Suddenly, zombie Ratchet tackled Thrust, while zombie Windcharger tackled Ramjet.

"Oh my God! They killed us!" Thrust screamed as zombie Ratchet tore into his throat.

"You bastards!" Ramjet shrieked as zombie Windcharger latched onto his head.

"You ain't so tough!" Hot Rod told zombie Ironhide, using a broken bottle to defend himself.

In response, zombie Ironhide pulled out all of his weapons and trained them all solely on Hot Rod.

"Oh fu-!" Hot Rod screamed as he was doused with searing chemicals that reduced him to slag.

Elsewhere, a number of zombies had grabbed Air Raid's chains and were now dragging the severely disgruntled Aerialbot away.

"This is so humiliating." Air Raid muttered, his arms folded over his chest.

"Oh my God! They got the Canadian chick!" Bombshell cried in horror, before a shot from Air Raid's torque rifle took his head off.

Not far away, Jazz, Thundercracker and Cyclonus found themselves backed against the wall, armed only with boat oars for some reason...don't ask me, I don't know where they got them.

"Well gents, it looks like this might be it!" Cyclonus said to the others.

"Sir, I just want you to know, it's been an honour serving under you." Thundercracker told his superior officer.

"Save it! We're not dead yet!" Jazz said as he beat off zombie Ratchet with his oar.

* * *

Back on the streets, Daniel and his friends had been pinned down. Zombies had suddenly appeared in the streets and begun eating people. Now they were trapped in some abandoned warehouse.

"We're dead! We're dead!" Angel muttered frantically, clutching her head in her hands.

"Not necessarily, some of us might survive." Skull said hopefully.

"How can you tell?" Daniel asked.

"Well, we can go by our character types!" Skull revealed "Let's see, you're the sympathetic one, so you'll probably live" Skull said, pointing to Witch "I'm the nice guy, so I at least have a chance. Daniel, you haven't done anything bad yet, so you're in the running too..."

"Yes!" Daniel said, pumping his fist into the air.

"...You've been pretty bitch all night, so I don't favour you." Skull continued, pointing to Angel, who promptly bursted into tears "And as you've done absolutely nothing of notice, you're, you're screwed." Skull said, motioning to Alien.

"Excuse me? Nothing important?" Alien asked incredulously.

"Yep, you're a minor character at best, you've done nothing to gain anyone's sympathies, so...sucks to be you!" Daniel said gleefully "Try to lead the zombies away from us when you die!"

Alien raised herself up "You know what? I am sick and tired of you jerks putting me down because I haven't done anything important! Well screw you, cause I'm about to go River Tam on their asses!"

"You're going to get naked and crawl into the foetal position?" Skull asked, earning him a slap from alien.

"No you idiot! I'm going to kill them all! Hold this!" Alien told Witch, taking off her mask, revealing her headgear braces and whipping out a pair of kukris from out of her cloak.

"Jesus Christ man! Has she been carrying those around the entire time?" Daniel asked, partly in horror, partly in shock.

"Skull, get out your pod and start playing _Another one Bites the Dust!" _Alien ordered.

Skull shook his head "I don't have that one!"

"What? Never mind! Play..._Don't Stop me Now!"_

"I don't have that one either!"

"How can you-? Fine, just play _We Are the Champions!_ Everyone has that song!"

"I don't! I just have _Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy!"_

"What? Who the hell has that song?"

"I like that song!"

"Ah! Forget it! Go time bitches!" Alien muttered, before charging into the zombie crowd, hacking and slashing wildly.

* * *

Back in the base, Jazz, Thundercracker and Cyclonus were doing an admirable job of holding off the zombie hordes, but more and more just kept on coming.

"Jeez! It's like there's no end to them!" Thundercracker panted as he struck another zombie with his oar.

"Perhaps, but we must never give up!" Cyclonus replied, smacking at a zombified Dirge.

All those who had been bitten were now one of the undead. Among those newly zombified were Seaspray, Octane, Hot Rod and...Optimus Prime?

"Optimus? Oh God! Those zombies got Optimus!" Jazz exclaimed, preparing to whack his former leader.

"Hey guys! Great party huh? But why is everyone dressed as zombies?" "Zombie" Prime asked.

"Huh? Optimus, you're not a zombie?" A perplexed Jazz asked.

"Nope! Just a really good costume!" Optimus said proudly.

"But...you ripped your arm off..." Cyclonus pointed out.

"Great huh?" Optimus said joyfully as he wiggled his stump.

"And there's an enormous whole in your side..." Thundercracker added.

"Like I said, it's a great costume." Optimus bragged.

"Optimus, we're being attacked by zombies! Real zombies! Help us out!" Jazz pleaded.

"Wait, these guys are real?" A horrified Prime asked "Screw that man!"

"You're not going anywhere!" Cyclonus snarled, grabbing Optimus before he could make a run for it "You're going to stay here and help us...or else!"

"Uh, well...when you put it like that..." Optimus said nervously "Back you fiends! Back I say!"

Suddenly, the masses of undead parted, revealing a small figure clad in orange footy pyjamas and wearing a flour sack on his head. He slowly approached the four, hands outstretched.

"Hey! I remember you! You're that little brat who wanted handouts!" Optimus exclaimed, glaring at the boy.

"What? Optimus, you didn't give out candy?" An astounded Jazz exclaimed.

"Hell no! I was too busy looking for a freakin' sweet costume!" Optimus explained.

Jazz, Cyclonus and Thundercracker all slapped their foreheads.

"You stupid-!"

"Moronic-!"

"Look Optimus, that was just plain dumb! Just give the kid some candy and maybe we can get back to zombie slaying!" Jazz said, glaring at his leader.

"Ok, fine!" Optimus growled, before rummaging through his pockets until he recovered a lint covered chocolate bar "Here you go kid! Now beat it! The grownups are trying to kill some zombies!"

Sam stared at the candy bar for a second or two, before snatching it out of Optimus' hand and shoving it into his mouth. Once he had done this, he turned and walked off. To everyone's astonishment, the zombies followed closely behind.

"Wait, that kid was controlling the zombies?" An incredibly perplexed Thundercracker asked.

"Wow...I guess so...weird..." Cyclonus murmured.

"Well, I'm just glad it's all over!" Jazz said, confident that nothing else was happening.

* * *

In a field somewhere, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe stopped to catch their breath. They had run for ages trying to escape the zombies and they seriously doubted that they had been followed them this far.

"Well brother, it looks as if we've survived another Halloween!" Sideswipe said triumphantly.

"Good thing too, can you imagine a world without me?" Sunstreaker asked.

Suddenly, the two heard groaning coming from behind them. Slowly, hesitantly, the two turned. They screamed at what they saw was standing behind them.

Zombie Ratchet was right behind them, looming over them menacingly, dual wielding a pair of wrenches which he held over his head, ready to strike.

* * *

Back on the streets, the zombies were running out of soldiers. The zombie second in command approached his leader.

"Sir, the girl has decimated our entire force!" Zombie SIC reported.

"Shit! What about the werewolves?" The zombie leader enquired.

"She wiped them out five minutes ago!" Zombie SIC told his leader.

"The vampires?"

"She just decapitated the last one!"

The zombie leader's eyes opened wide "Is there anyone left?"

A hollow thunk noise...sounded, I guess, and Zombie SIC leaned forward "No sir, in fact, I'm afraid that I've just been killed" SIC reported, before collapsing.

The Zombie Leader looked in horror as Alien stood nearby, glaring at him and squealed "Retreat!"

"Booyah bitches!" Alien cried in triumph, raising her kukris above her head.

Suddenly, Skull spoke up "Oh wait, here's _Another One Bites the Dust!"_

Slowly, Alien turned around, and Skull flinched, for on Alien's face was a look of such white hot intense fury that Skull thought he would be struck down.

* * *

Back at the Decepticon base, Galvatron was still alone and dancing by himself. Suddenly, his cell phone rang.

"Oh, it's Soundwave, probably calling to say how boring that Autobot party was and how much better mine is!" Galvatron muttered to himself "Hello? So, is the party sucking? Wait, what? Zombie Autobots? You beat the hell out of them? Well are there any left? Motherfu-!"

* * *

And end of the Halloween Special. Well, I hope that you all enjoyed it, even though it was so cluttered and even more strange than normal. Who knows, maybe I'll do other holidays too, here's hoping. There were a lot of thinly veiled references in there to _Trick 'r Treat, _so I hope you can forgive me for that, I just really love that movie. I would also like to thank 9aza for helping come up with ideas for this story, especially the costumes, which I had some difficulty with. Oh, by the way, in case anyone is wondering, Alien threw Skull into an abandoned quarry. Well, thank you so very much for reading, I hope that you enjoyed it and don't forget to leave a review. Until the next chapter, ciao!


	19. Chapter 19

Well hello and welcome to yet another chapter of this glorious little tale that I like to call...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 19. Whoo! Yeah! Huzzah! Etc, etc, etc. Well, once again I do not own The Transformers or any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers, I blame my brother for this...why? Because I can. Anyway, following the...moderate success of the Halloween special, it's back to the regular, every day stuff, so, no more zombies for a little while...damn! Well, here it is, presented to you all neat and shiny...the story! Please enjoy, don't forget to leave a review when you've finished with it and once more...Thank you for reading!

* * *

In the Grand Canyon, the Autobots and the Decepticons were duking it out. Why? Because Skywarp had teleported into the Autobot base and stolen Optimus Prime's last soda, that's why.

"I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!" Optimus screamed as he tried to shoot Skywarp out of the sky.

"Eep!" Skywarp squealed as a shot clipped his wing, causing him to leak soda.

"Jesus Christ Prime! It was just a soda!" Jazz exclaimed as he fired a half dozen rounds into Dirge's head.

"It wasn't just a soda damn it! It's the entire principal of the matter!" Optimus cried as he began beating Bombshell with his own torn off arm.

"What principal?" Jazz asked "Do you even know what the means?"

"...Not as such, no...but They! Took! My! SODA!" Optimus bellowed as he punched Mixmaster with enough force to send his fist clean out through the other side of Mixmaster's skull.

Somehow, Mixmaster was still alive.

"Arghlefaf!" Mixmaster slurred as he jaw hung loosely on his face, only attached to one side.

Elsewhere, Blades was unleashing a Burning Rain of Death on his opponents by teaming up with Inferno to douse the vast majority of the Decepticons with napalm.

"This sure is fun, eh Inferno?" Blades asked as he gutted Dirge as they flew past him.

"Less talk-y more fly...y!" Inferno snapped as he sprayed napalm on the Decepticons.

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning came down from the sky and struck Blades, sending him plummeting to the ground.

"Aaaaarrrrggghhhh-Oof!" Blades and Inferno screamed as they spiralled and crashed.

"Blades...you're...crushing...me...Blades?...Blades?" A winded Inferno gasped from under Blades.

"What the hell? There's only that one cloud in the sky!" Cyclonus pointed out as he hoverd in mid air.

As if to spite him, not only did another bolt of lightning come down, striking Skywarp this time, but a colossal fireball that came plummeting from the sky hit Blast Off.

"Ok seriously, what the hell is going on?" Cyclonus shouted.

Suddenly, four figures flew down out of the cloud at rapid speed. All four of them were clearly human and they seemed to be riding hoverboards.

"Humans! Did we just get beat by a bunch of humans?" Cloudraker asked.

In response, one of the humans, a petite young woman somehow began firing...fire from her bare hands.

"Jesus! They got Cloudraker!" Mirage shrieked.

"I say we run!" Astrotrain shouted, before attempting to flee, only to be stopped by Thundercracker, who gripped him firmly by the wing.

"No one is running anywhere, right guys?" Thundercracker asked.

"Uh..."

"Well..."

"Oh, is that the time?"

"I have this appointment you see..."

"No one is going anywhere!" Galvatron bellowed "We have to defeat these little freaks or else the Decepticon name will be tarnished forever!"

"Oh please, it was already tarnished you stupid oaf!" One of the humans said, floating down

Now that they were closer, the Autobots and Decepticons could all see that they were wearing helmets and identical black suits.

"Calm down Operative Sparky." The tallest of the humans ordered.

"Hey, you know how much I like to insult the oafs!" Operative Sparky protested.

"You're so hot headed, you know that?" The woman asked.

"Crystal, you're a pyromaniac!" Sparky snapped.

"Correction, pyrokinetic...but yes, I am also a pyromaniac." Crystal said.

"Ahem, can we put aside the chit chat and get back to destroying the targets?" The fourth one spoke for the first time.

"Oh, yes, of course, thank you for remaining us Operative Errol." The leader said, turning towards the fourth.

"Quite welcome James." Errol replied.

The four then turned to face the Transformers.

"Oh crap." Optimus said.

The Operatives flew towards the humans at top speed.

"Time for a little..." James began.

"...Fire and ice!" Crystal completed the sentence, before joining arms with James and the two began flying in circles.

"Fire and ice? Jeez, that is such a crappy line!" Dirge scoffed.

Suddenly, the pair began shooting fire and ice randomly into the sky, the two elements striking Dirge.

"Argh!" Dirge screamed as he was sent plummeting to his doom.

Not far away, Fireflight was fleeing from Errol, who seemed to be able to shoot energy from his hands

"Argh! Get away from me you creepy little freak!" Fireflight shouted as he began twisting and turning.

"You can't get away from me!" Errol said, before throwing a pair of energy spheres at Fireflight, both striking him in the back, causing him to go careening into the Cliffside.

Elsewhere, Sparky was still rampaging around, firing lightning bolts erratically at everything that moved.

"Eep! Get away! Get away!" Dirge shrieked as Sparky began chasing him.

"Haha! Not quick enough little Conehead!" Sparky taunted as he shot another bolt of lightning at Dirge, striking him and killing him quickly...but not quite painlessly, Dirge suffered a lot.

"Retreat!" Optimus screamed as the humans began chasing after him.

"Yes, use the Autobots as bait if you have to!" Galvatron shouted as he threw Seaspray at the approaching humans.

"Targets are fleeing, should we pursue?" Errol asked.

"Negative Operative Errol, first we need to construct a temporary base, then we can search for them." James replied.

"Aw, but I want to kill things!" Sparky moaned.

"Don't worry, we'll get out chance!" Crystal reassured him.

"Operative Crystal is right, they cannot go far, and believe me, we will find them!" James said confidently, bawling his hand up into a fist.

"Um, James? Do you really need to call me "Operative Crystal"? Isn't Crystal just fine?" Crystal asked.

"We're on a mission Operative Crystal, we need to keep a strictly professional relationship for the duration." James replied.

"Strictly professional? You're my boyfriend, it doesn't get much less un-professional than that!" Crystal argued.

"Uh, look, can we talk about this later?" James asked.

In response, Crystal sighed "Whatever, I'm going to look for a good spot for the base." Crystal said, before flying off.

Sparky stifled a snicker "Wow, you sure handled that situation well!"

"Oh shut up!" James snapped.

* * *

Further away, the Autobots and the Decepticons were catching their non-existent breaths while they were temporarily safe. By a rock, Starscream's ghost was sobbing.

"Wow, I haven't seen him thus upset since he saw _Son of the Mask._" Gears observed.

* * *

Flashback...

In his room, Starscream's ghost was kneeling on his bed and sobbing as he tore up all of his Alan Cummings memorabilia.

"Why Alan? ! Why? !" Starscream's ghost sobbed hysterically as he tore a signed poster in half "I believed in you!"

* * *

"Yeah..." Gears said uncomfortably.

"I don't even know why you have that memory..." A disturbed Thundercracker said.

"How come we couldn't beat those guys? We always beat the Decepticons!" Sideswipe asked.

Jazz shook his head "These guys were different...they were...competent!"

Powerglide gasped "A competent enemy? We've never fought one of those before!"

"I know...it's weird..." Hauler murmured.

"I'm scared...hold me!" Starscream's ghost whimpered as he threw himself into Bluestreak's arms.

"Get away from me you freak!" Bluestreak snapped as he threw Starscream's ghost into the maw of the Grand Canyon.

"Eeeeeeeeeee!" Starscream's ghost squealed as he went plummeting into the chasm.

"Right, all idiocy aside, what do we do now?" Cyclonus asked.

"There is only one possible solution to all of this, we're not going to like it, but by God, it must be done!" Optimus exclaimed.

"Well, what is it then?" Huffer asked.

"Ghnnnadsa?" Mixmaster questioned , jaw still askew.

"We have to..." Optimus gulped "Team up! Autobot and Decepticon must work together to defeat this horrible menace!"

Both sides gasped.

"Nuh uh! No way in hell!" Galvatron exclaimed, waving his arms about.

"What other choice is there Galvatron? Those humans will destroy us if we attempt to fight them on our own!" Cyclonus argued.

"You know, I really hate to admit it...but Prime is right...for once..." Jazz added.

"Grabbafrabba!" Mixmaster pointed out.

"Hmm, who could argue with something like that?" Galvatron asked "Very well, we shall work with the Autobots, but only until we beat these filthy humans! But, in order to do so, we shall need help! To the Galvatron cave!" Galvatron cried, before running away, arms held in front of him as he made whooshing noises.

Cyclonus sighed and massaged his temples.

* * *

Later...

"Ok guys, brace yourselves, for I have called in the biggest of the big...the Pretender Monsters!" Galvatron exclaimed as a burst of lightning suddenly lit up the sky.

"The...Pretender Monsters?" Cyclonus asked.

"Aw man Galvatron, they suck!" Thundercracker complained.

"Yeah, why couldn't you have just gotten the Dinoforce?" Shockwave asked.

"Well...um..." Galvatron began.

* * *

Earlier...

"Attention Japanese Decepticons! Attention Japanese Decepticons! This is Decepticon Supreme Commander Galvatron hailing the Dinoforce! Come in Dinoforce!" Galvatron ordered as he stood in front of a large screen that dwarfed even him.

Instantly, a blue and gold Decepticon officer appeared on the screen. It was the aerial reconnaissance officer Yokuryu.

"Konichiwa! Oh, Galvatron-san!" Yokuryu said with surprise, before saluting "Zembu kikimas subarashi Galvatron!"

Galvatron balked "Eh? Wait, do you speak English?" Galvatron asked.

Yokuryu blinked "English? Ie."

"Uh...I'm gonna assume that means yes. Listen up, I need you and the rest of the Dinoforce to come to America in order to-What is that?" Galvatron asked as an alarm began blaring in the background.

Yokuryu turned around in time to face a gigantic tentacle "Aieeeee!" Yokuryu screamed "Taskete! Dobutsu wa boko o uke!"

"Abunai!" Goryu warned as he and Kakuryu rushed into view, both in pretender forms, guns ablazing.

Galvatron blinked "Uh...you guys look like you're busy, so I guess I'll just call back later...bye!"

* * *

"Yeah..." Galvatron said.

"But the Pretender Monsters are lame!" Thundercracker argued.

"Look, it was either them or the Mayhem Attack Squad, do you want those lunatics running around?" Galvatron asked.

Cyclonus remembered the last time Catilla was around, and shuddered, that had not ended well.

"Ok fine, we'll use those jerks! When do they arrive?" Cyclonus asked.

"Right about now." Galvatron replied, pointing skywards.

The four of them looked up to see five large cages being airlifted by helicopters. Suddenly, the helicopters released the chains, dropping the cages back to the earth...one of them happening to strike Dirge as he was flying past, crushing him horribly.

"Impressive entrance, I predict that it had a 71% chance of wowing the rest of you." Shockwave said.

"True that." Thundercracker muttered in awe.

Suddenly, the doors to the cages opened and out stepped...five of the most hideous, monstrous Decepticons ever.

"Yo guys, what up?" The leader of the group, Birdbrain asked.

"Good, you have arrived!" Galvatron announced.

"Yes, I think we've established that." Slog said, rolling his eyes.

"Good, now that you're here, all the way from Australia-" Galvatron began, only to be cut off.

"Wait, why did you send them to Australia?" Thundercracker asked.

"Well, what with all of the other deadly, deadly animals there, I didn't think anyone would notice!" Galvatron explained.

Shockwave sighed "Of course."

"Well, now that you guys are here, you can go and kill the humans! Hop to it!" Galvatron ordered.

"Sir yes sir!" The Monsters barked, saluting their leader before combing to form...Monstructor.

"PREPARE TO BE DESTROYED!" Monstructor announced, before rumbling off.

"Well, I think he'll do just fine!" Galvatron said, a confident smile on his face.

* * *

Twelve minutes later...

"You freaking failed there Galvatron." Cyclonus said, glaring at his leader.

"I predicted that this would happen." Shockwave told the others.

"Um...well, it's not all bad...Monstructor's not totally destroyed..." Galvatron replied.

"That's because you taped him back together!" Thundercracker snapped.

"Um..."

"Screw this, we're just going to have to beat those humans ourselves!" Cyclonus exclaimed, shaking his head at Galvatron's incompetence.

* * *

A short while later, all of the Autobots and Decepticons had been gathered together.

"All right guys, listen up!" Jazz announced "I know that most of you are scared-and Dirge, you probably won't even make it back in one piece-but we need to band together if we are to have even the slightest chance! Are you with me?"

There was some slight murmuring.

Jazz glared at the group, before motioning to Inferno, who raised his napalm hose.

"I said...ARE YOU WITH ME?" Jazz asked again, louder this time and with more emphasis on the napalm.

"SIR YES SIR!" The Autobots and Decepticons shouted.

"Good! Then charge!" Jazz roared, before transforming and racing towards the enemy camp.

* * *

"Huh?" Sparky asked as he struggled to get into a sitting position.

"What is it?" Crystal asked.

"I feel something...like...a rumbling?" Sparky replied, looking puzzled.

Suddenly, Errol rushed over to them.

"Don't look now guys, but we got a whole army of those guys!" Errol shouted.

James looked surprised "Really? Hmmm, this is unexpected...Operatives Crystal, Sparky, get into positons! Operative Errol, you're with me!"

"Yes sir!" Errol barked.

"Whatever fearless leader." Crystal replied, rolling her eyes.

"Mondo cool!" Sparky exclaimed as he mounted his hoverboard and flew off, Crystal not far behind him.

"Mondo?" Errol asked, raising an eyebrow behind his helmet.

"We'll ask him about it later, right now we gotta get ready!" James said as he began to fly towards the enemy.

* * *

"Here they come!" Cyclonus announced.

"FIRE!" Shockwave ordered, and all forces complied.

"Whoa!" Errol exclaimed as he barely dodged a shot.

"You deal with the ones on the ground, I'll take out the fliers!" James ordered.

"Gotcha!" Errol said, before he began his descent.

As soon as he landed, he began changing, his skin began rippling and hair grew all over his body. He grew fangs, claws and his eyes became cat like. Not only that, but he grew in size, eventually becoming eight feet tall. When the transformation was over, a tiger/human hybrid stood where Errol had been. He yowled and leapt at the closet being...Dirge.

"Aaaahhh! Bad kitty!" Dirge screamed as he was viciously mauled to death.

Up above, the others were still firing upon the Decepticons and the Autobots.

"Keep attacking them guys! We can win!" James cried.

In his excitment, he did not notice something crawling out of his shadow.

"Oh really?" A voice from behind him asked.

"Gah!" James screamed, startled, before realising who it was "Oh, Aku, you startled me!"

"Yes, I'm rather good at that." Aku replied.

He was a young man who appeared to be in his late teens, he had green eyes and messy, shoulder length black hair. He seemed to have a strange air about him, he was somewhat...menacing.

"We're here too!" A bubbly, femining voice rang out.

James looked up and saw another two operatives float down, Hideki and Aqua.

"Guys! great to see you! Are you here to help us?" James asked.

"Actually, we've cme to stop you." Hideki replied.

"Huh?" James asked, confused.

"Yes, the boss told us that he wants you to stop, and he wants to know why you attacked these...things without his permission." Aku explained.

"But...but we did have his permission! He told us so himself!" James argued.

"Hmmm...then you were probably talking to Andrew..." Aku said thoughtfully.

"Andrew?" James asked.

"Yes, he is the android that boss made to look like him, but he is somewhat...mischevious." Aku explained.

"An-android? Why didn't he tell me about this?" James questioned.

"Well, he told me." Aqua piped up.

"Well, he would, you are his favourite." Hideki said, rolling his eyes.

"Jealous?" Aqua asked, poking her tongue out at him.

"Ahem, we did not come here to talk, we were sent to bring you back." Aku broke in.

"Oh...very well. Come on guys!" James ordered.

"Aw, no fun!" Sparky complained.

"Wait!" Jazz called out, running over to them "Who is it you work for?"

Aku turned and stared at Jazz, making him uneasy "You may know him as...The Author." Aku replied, before teleporting away, along with the others.

"Well...that was...strange..." Cyclonus said.

"Yeah, I don't think that made any sense at all!" Thundercracker added.

"Oh well, this whole mess has taught me something, it's that the Autobots and Decepticons can work together, and maybe, just maybe, we can build a better tommorow...what do you say Galvatron, do you want to end this war?" Optimus asked.

"Sure...buddy!" Galvatron replied, shaking Optimus' hand.

* * *

Later...

"Hey! Who stole my soda! THis means war Decepticons!"

* * *

And end of chapter 19. Yeah, a little strange, even for this fic, more plot than usual I guess. FIrst off, I would like to thank 9aza for providing the Japanese phrases used in this chapter, it was a big help, thank you very much. I hope people still liked it, even though the ending was...weird, to say the least, kinda weak, I guess, sorry about that. I hope everyone can look past that and see the humour though. Oh, and I have minions! Cool, huh? So, to recap: James-Cryokinetic, Crystal-Pyrokinetic, Errol-Shapeshifter, Sparky-Electricty control, Aku-Necromancer/Shadow control, Aqua-Aquakinesis and Hideki-Electromagnetic pulse blasts. Oh, by the way, a new poll is up, don't forget to check it out on my profile page. Well, that just about wraps it up, so I hope you enjoyed it, please review and...thanks for reading! Until the next chapter!


	20. Chapter 20

Aqua: Hi hi! Welcome once again to yet another instalment of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 20...Anyway, I'm here because my boss, the Author thought he needed to spice up the openings, so here I am! Anyway, the Author would like to remind you all that he does not own The Transformers or any of the characters that are associated with the Transformers

Author: Damn it!

Aqua: Ahem, I thought we'd agree that you'd stay away while I did this?

Author: Uh, sorry, I just got a little annoyed there.

Aqua: Yeah, whatever, just go, I got this covered.

Author: Sigh, fine, call me if you need me.

Aqua: Yeah, sure...not likely. Anyways, for his latest gimmick, the Author has decided that this chapter will be a high school episode...Yay! So, sit back, relax, have a couple of snacks! And remember...please enjoy the following tale, don't forget to leave a nice review when you're done and as always...thanks for reading! Cya later!

* * *

In the attic, Trailbreaker was doing a bit of spring cleaning. He had been assigned by Optimus to go into the attic and find whatever weaponry might be lying around and take it back down to the base. Whatever was left over would be fed to the Dinobots and Cosmos. Suddenly, Trailbreaker's hand brushed against something.

"Huh? What's this?" Trailbreaker asked himself, picking the object up "Well, it's dusty, that's for sure."

Trailbreaker blew some of the dust off the object and saw that it was a book. Not just any book however, but Jazz's old high school yearbook.

"Huh, well this is interesting, maybe I'll show it to Jazz!" Trailbreaker exclaimed, before blasting a hole in the floor and dropping down.

* * *

Elsewhere, Jazz was in the kitchen, hiding the biscuits from that greedy bastard Cosmos.

"Stupid lard ass eats everything around here, even my good pants! Those were my going out pants!" Jazz muttered as he slipped the biscuits behind a box of unsold toys...Inferno, Injector, Nemesis Prime, the Insecticons, the Jumpstarter's and Scavenger.

"Hey Jazz!" Trailbreaker shouted as he approached the Second in Command.

"Gah!" Jazz screamed as he jumped and dropped the biscuits, in seconds they were snatched up by the Insecticons, who just so happened to be scrounging around "Oh God damn it! This had better be good Trailbreaker!" Jazz snapped as he glared at Trailbreaker.

"Uh, I found this yearbook, is that a good reason?" Trailbreaker asked hesitantly, not wanting to provoke Jazz's wrath.

"Hmmm? Let me see that." Jazz said as he reached out and took the yearbook "Wow, this takes me back...Trailbreaker, you remember our high school days, right?"

Trailbreaker shook his head "Not in the slightest."

"Oh, well then, I guess I'll reminisce for the both of us..." Jazz replied as he began flashbacking.

* * *

Back in the Day...

In his Cybertronian vehicle mode, Jazz drove up to his high school, Iacon High. Jazz strolled up to the doorways and looked around. Everyone was there, Soundwave and his gang, the quarterback Optimus Prime and the other football players, the Rain Makers, that little freak Starscream and his tormentors, Thundercracker and Skywarp, that little nerdling Megatron, Blaster and his gang, the resident lunatic Wheeljack, the stoner Beachcomber and the local security officer, Prowl. Suddenly, Jazz stopped. Just inside of the building was a metal detector.

"This is new..." Jazz said, blinking in surprise.

A tall red and black Transformer who looked suspiciously like the school's resident paranoid conspiracy theorist strode up "That's because due to the ever increasing threat of one of you little punks bringing some kind of weapon into the school! So, they hired me, Code Red to act as the school's security guard, now pass through this security checkpoint, if it goes off, you're in for a world of hurt!"

Jazz stared at Code Red in surprise, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. He looked around frantically, then his eyes settled on Dirge, the hapless loser.

"Hey, uh, Dirge, why don't you go first?" Jazz asked.

Dirge shrugged "Uh, sure."

Dirge walked up through the doors and past the metal detector...which promptly went off, flashing lights and blaring alarms.

"Huh? What's-?" Dirge began.

"I'll teach you to bring weapons into my school you son of a bitch!" Code Red shouted as he launched himself at Dirge, furiously whacking him with his nightstick.

"Oh God! The pain! Why God, why? !" Dirge screamed.

While Code Red was distracted with killing Dirge, some of the more intelligent students slipped by, such as Jazz, Thundercracker, Optimus, Prowl and Shockwave. Cliffjumper however...

"Ha! That'll teach you, you weapon wielding bastard!" Cliffjumper gloated over the corpse of Dirge, before stepping through the metal detector.

And then the alarms went off.

"I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!"

* * *

In the boy's bathroom, Soundwave and his gang were hanging around aimlessly, smoking ridiculous amounts of cigarettes...or at least Soundwave was, most of the others were just getting second hand smoke.

Ravage snarled, properly translated it would have sounded like "Jesus man, take it down a notch, you keep smoking like that and you're going to need one of those voice boxes!"

In response, Soundwave scoffed "Oh please, that's just stupid! Can you imagine me with one of those stupid voice boxes?" Soundwave asked.

Rumble laughed "Heh, yeah, that would be pretty stupid boss!"

Suddenly, the door to the boy's room swung open, and who should come swaggering in but Blaster and his own gang.

"Blaster!" Soundwave exclaimed.

"Soundwave!" Blaster spat.

"So, we meet again, my old foe!" Soundwave said, glaring at his arch nemesis.

"I see you haven't been expelled yet, does Mr. Trion know that you're the one who fed his cat to Sky Lynx?" Blaster asked threateningly.

Soundwave glared daggers into Blaster "You tell him and I rip the head of your little kitty there!"

In response, Steeljaw growled, properly translated, it would have sounded something along the lines of "I'd like to see you try bitch!"

Dial suddenly stepped into the middle "Look, calm down guys, can't we find a peaceful solution for all this?"

"Well screw that!" Frenzy snarled as he dive tackled Eject.

"Fight! Come on lads, let's show these sons of bitches!" Rewind shouted as he launched himself at Rumble.

It was complete and utter chaos as the two opposing gangs fought each other. Mirrors cracked and tiles were blown to pieces in the scuffle. Slamdance was wrestling with Squawkbox, Ravage was clawing at Steeljaw, Holwback was snapping at Ramhorn's heels and Ratbat was having his wings violently ripped off by Decibel.

Suddenly, Prowl burst in, startling everyone.

"What. The. Eff?" An astonished Prowl asked.

"Uh...ocupado?" Soundwave said meekly as he laid in a pool of blood.

Prowl stared at the others in shock "I'm...I'm going to walk away now and forget that I ever saw a bunch of bots wrestling in the bathroom, covered in blood, savvy?" Prowl asked.

"Sounds...sounds good to me..." Blaster replied, one hand around Soundwave's throat, the other hovering above his chest.

Prowl slowly backed away and closed the door.

"Right, so...where were we?" Blaster asked.

"Oh, well you had your arm around me, like this and my fist was in your stomach, like this..." Soundwave answered.

"Oh, yeah, right. Oh, and my other hand was clutching your-" Soundwave began, only for the school photographer, Reflector, to burst in, snapping pictures frantically.

"Enemy gangs tangled up in the bathroom? What a scoop!" Reflector exclaimed as he/they finished taking pictures and ran off.

"What? Wait, it's not what it looks like!" Blaster shouted in horror.

"Oh God damn it! Prowl must have gotten confused and told Reflector what he thought we were doing!" Soundwave cursed as he realised what happened.

Ravage sighed ("Son of a bitch.")

Ratbat squeaked feebly as he lay in a pool of his own blood, wings lying nearby ("How...humiliating...the pain...")

Eject sighed "Screw it, you guys wanna go out and watch the football game?"

Buzzsaw shrieked...do birds do that? ("Sure, why not? I need something to take my mind off this crippling embarrassment!")

And so the group left, still bloody and bruised.

* * *

In the science lab, the local outcast, Starscream was hanging out with the closest things he had to friends, Kickback, Shrapnel and Bombshell.

"So, Starscream, what are you doing for your science fair project?" Bombshell asked as he clutched a vial.

"It's genius! Sure to net me first prize!" Starscream gloated.

"Great, but what is it?" Kickback asked.

"A clone of my very own! It's a shoe in to win!" Starscream cried.

"You're making this because no one likes you, aren't you...you?" Shrapnel asked.

"What? Plenty of people like me! You guys like me...right?" A very insecure Starscream asked.

"No, we despise you too." Bombshell replied.

"Yeah, we only tolerate you, because, let's face it, even we look good next to you!" Kickback said.

Starscream sniffed and cried a little.

"Jeez, what a freak...freak..." Bombshell muttered.

"S-screw you guys! I'll show you! I'll show you all!" Starscream cried as he ripped off one of his fingers and dipped it into a Bunsen burner...which suddenly started smoking profusely.

"Oh this is not good." Kickback said, before diving to the ground.

"Eep!" Starscream cried as he ducked at the last possible moment, an explosion ringing out and a chunk of wall striking Dirge as he walked by the science lab, killing him instantly.

"Well that was an epic failure!" Bombshell taunted.

"Hey, who are you calling a failure you little freak?" A voice asked.

Shrapnel gasped "What...what?"

From the smoke, a figure emerged. Physically, he greatly resembled Starscream, except he was gold and heat seemed to radiate from him.

"W-who are you?" Starscream asked.

"Well how the hell am I supposed to know? I was only just brought into existence a few seconds ago, so you name me! But not Ricky, that's a stupid name." The new Transformer replied.

"Um...ok, how about...Sunstorm? You know, because you're gold?" Starscream offered.

Sunstorm sighed "Good enough."

"Yay! This is so awesome! I finally have a friend of my very own!" Starscream squealed with glee.

"You have a friend? I doubt that Starcreep!" A voice in the doorway taunted.

"Eep! It's Thundercracker and Skywarp!" Starscream cried

"That's right Starcreep, and it's time for your eleven o'clock beating!" Thundercracker sneered as he clenched his hands into fists.

"Save me Insecticons!" Starscream cried out in panic.

"Screw that! We're outta here!" Bombshell yelled as he and his friends climbed out the window.

"Um...ok then...save me Sunstorm!" Starscream wailed.

"Uh, yeah, no." Sunstorm replied in a bored voice.

"What? But I created you!" Starscream protested.

"Yeah, but I liked it better in the dark, have you ever been to oblivion? Much nicer place than this dump. You boys go ahead and beat up the little creep, you mind if I watch?" Sunstorm asked.

"Go right ahead!" Skywarp said as he began pummelling Starscream with a pillow sack full of quarters.

"Why Sunstorm, why ? !" Starscream screamed as he was viciously beaten.

"Great job boy's but don't forget to work the liver." Sunstorm suggested as he took out a deck chair and a bag of popcorn.

* * *

Elsewhere, Megatron was walking through the hallways, carrying a chemistry set. Megatron was without a doubt, the lamest, nerdiest Transformer at the school, he looked even worse than Air Raid and his headgear glasses.

"Wait, what? I had those damn things in high school? Son of a bitch!" Air Raid cursed.

Anyway, Megatron was walking to class when he was suddenly ambushed by Soundwave, Blaster and their gangs.

"Where you going with all that stuff pointdexter?" Soundwave asked.

"Uh, I g-gotta g-get to c-class..." Megatron stuttered.

"Not without your stuff you're not!" Blaster sneered as he grabbed Megatron's gear and tossed it to Enemy.

"Keep away! Keep away!" The others began chanting as they threw Megatron's stuff to each other.

"Stop it! I need that stuff! Oh you guys are real dicks!" Megatron yelled.

In response, Soundwave clubbed Megatron on the head with his own chemistry set.

"Shut up you little punk! Don't speak to your betters that way!" Soundwave snapped.

Megatron whimpered "You just wait! One day, you'll all be working for me, and then you'll be sorry!"

Soundwave laughed "Yeah right, that'll be the day!"

* * *

On the football field, the school's quarterback, Optimus Prime was standing on the field with the other football players, the Rain Makers.

"Ok guys, we've still got a couple of hours until the match, so we better get read one final time, does everyone know the plan?" Optimus asked.

"We sure do sir!" Acid Storm replied, glancing admiringly at Optimus.

Optimus was well known as not only being an academic genius, but also a football strategic genius who often made up great plays for the team to follow. Such was his prowess that the school had fired the coach and hired Optimus for half the pay.

"Terrific, now, Acid Storm, you get into position over in-Argh!" Optimus began, only to be struck in the head by a rock, knocking him unconscious.

"Jesus man! What the hell was that?" Acid Storm asked.

The group looked over to see the resident stoner, Beachcomber sitting on the field, chucking rocks while grinning and giggling like an idiot.

"Beachcomber, what the hell man? You just knocked out Optimus!" Acid Storm exclaimed.

"Heh, heh...dude, this field is like...green! You're green! Are you a field dude?" Beachcomber asked.

Acid Storm rolled his eyes "Great! Just great! Now Optimus is down for the count, what do we do now?"

"Wait, he's getting back up!" The blue Rainmaker pointed out.

"Hey, great! So Optimus, you ok?"

"...New plan, Acid Storm, from now on, you pass the ball to Dirge." Optimus said as he groggily stood up.

Acid Storm blinked in surprise "Uh, what? Dirge sucks!"

"Exactly, they'll never see it coming! Victory for teh uz! All your base r belong to us! In your base, killing your dudes!" Optimus rambled.

"Uh...ok Optimus, I'm sure you know what you're doing..."

Later, Iacon high lost by 108 points and Dirge was killed when he was ripped in half after being tackled.

* * *

"...And that's what happened in high school!" Jazz concluded, closing the year book.

"Um...what? Why were you telling me stories about everyone else? You were barely in it!" Trailbreaker asked.

"Because I more or less didn't do anything." Jazz replied, bitterness evident in his voice.

"Oh, ok then." Trailbreaker replied "I guess we're done."

* * *

Aqua: And...end of chapter 20. Yay! Wasn't that great everyone? We hope you enjoyed it, the Author worked very hard to write this! Oh, ands he says, in case you didn't guess, Code Red is Red Alert's father, but you probably knew that, right? He would also like to say that he hoped you enjoyed the following story, please remember to review and he would also like to thank you for reviewing! I'm glad that I got the chance to do this! Thank you all for being so supportive! Bye guys!


	21. Chapter 21

Crystal: Um...hi, and allow me to, uh...introduce They Just Don't Care Anymore, chapter 21, and-

Author: Wait, wait, wait, you're not saying it right, you gotta shout out THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! You can't just say it.

Crystal: Um...why?

Author: Because, that's just how it's done, its tradition.

Crystal: Um, ok, allow me to introduce...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 21...better?

Author: Much.

Crystal: Right...First off, I am not Aqua, so don't expect any of that bubbly personality that she has to show up here-

Aqua: Oh, don't be that way, you can be lots of fun!

Crystal: Aqua, not now, I've got an intro to do.

Aqua: Aw, you've been spending too much time with James!

Crystal: Oh, God, you're right...I'm getting way too serious...

Aqua: See?

Crystal: Uh, look, we'll hang out later and we'll do something to de-James me, ok?

Aqua: Sure!

Crystal: Ok, now that we have that out of the way, the Author does not own The Transformers or any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers, and he is pissed about it.

Author: Damn straight.

Crystal: Jeez, can I finish this please? God, nothing but interruptions! Anyway, the Author wishes that you enjoy the following story, don't forget to leave a review and finally...thanks for reading! Ok Aqua, what did you have in mind?

Aqua: Well, I thought we could go and see that new movie about...

* * *

The suburban streets, calm and peaceful places, where absolutely nothing of any interest happens...yep, just another peaceful day!

"Argh! No! Not the bulls! Not the bulls!"

I lied.

Running down the streets at fantastic speed were Skywarp, Barricade, Motormaster, Drag Strip, Brawl, Wildrider, Breakdown, Scourge and Bombshell. Why were they running? They were being chased by a pack of rabid, flesh eating bulls, that's why damn it.

"Eep!" Scourge shrieked as he ducked inside of a car, which barely managed to contain his bulk.

Skywarp, meanwhile, was just about to teleport, when one of the bulls tackled him. As he was hit in mid teleportation, both Skywarp and the bull were flung off into some far off dimension where Dead End was Supreme High Overlord of Existence, never to be seen again.

Not far away, Brawl and Bombshell were tackled, gored and stamped on by the horde of vicious bulls, scarring them horribly. Motormaster, fearing for his life, jumped into a bin...which was promptly sent flying by a particularly vicious bull, sending it flying over the roof of a building, taking the hapless Decepticon with it. A few second later, Barricade too went down, being trampled and jumped on repeatedly by no less than six bulls who apparently hated Micromasters.

"Gonna make it! Gonna make it!" Drag Strip panted as he and Wildrider ran into a house.

Wildrider, doing what he did every time something was chasing him, jumped out of the nearest window. Drag Strip on the other hand, paused as he considered whether or not jumping out of a window was really the smartest thing to do.

"Uh...hmmm...wait what if-Argh!" Drag Strip screamed as a bull charged into his back, severing his spine and dragging him along by his brake lines as it charged.

Suddenly, Cyclonus, Astrotrain, Thundercracker and Blitzwing landed nearby.

"What...the...hell?" An incredibly perplexed Astrotrain asked as he stared at the spectacle.

"I...oh Jesus, this is stupid even for them!" Cyclonus said in a very frustrated tone of voice, slapping his forehead.

"What in God's name are they doing?" Astrotrain asked his commanding officer.

"They saw the Running of the Bulls on TV and decided to copy the stunt." Thundercracker explained, staring in shock as the seemingly endless pack of bulls continued on their rampage, chasing Wildrider and Breakdown.

"Oh Jesus, they've done some stupid things before but...just...just Jesus..." Astrotrain exclaimed, clutching at his head.

"OK boys, this crap has gone on long enough...get the teargas." Cyclonus ordered.

"With pleasure sir!" Blitzwing answered as he turned into a tank and began firing tear gas into the stampeding bulls, causing them to disperse and allowing the new arrivals to approach their wounded comrades.

"You guys are in so much trouble." Astrotrain said, glaring at the injured Decepticons.

* * *

Back at the Decepticon base, Galvatron, Cyclonus, Thundercracker, Scrapper and an injured Scourge were seated around a table, discussing what to do about the others stupidity.

Scrapper sighed "OK, we can't condone this kind of idiocy, I say we brand them all with the Mark of Shame and leave them wandering the Deserts of Sorrow for the next fifteen years."

Cyclonus raised a nonexistent eyebrow at him "Uh, yeah...or, we could just enrol them in Idiocy Management Courses."

Scrapper shrugged "That too."

Galvatron screwed up his face in concentration as he thought about what to do...and then, it hit him "I say, we must have a contest to find the most creative way to kill Dirge!"

The others looked shocked.

"What?-! Galvatron, are you even listening to what we've been saying?" Thundercracker asked.

"Not at all!"

"But...just look at Scourge! He's been very badly beaten!" Cyclonus exclaimed.

"Probably those Dextrian iron parasites...speaking of which, when are we going to get rid of those guys?" Galvatron asked.

"Uh, I wasn't aware-" A surprised Cyclonus began.

"No mind! Contest begin!" Galvatron shouted.

* * *

All throughout the base, the Decepticons, and even some Autobots, had heard of the Dirge Killing contest, and all wanted to win. No more so than Astrotrain however, who was determined to kill Dirge the most, and in the most creative ways.

"Alright, let's see...I could slowly dip him into a vat of acid..." Astrotrain murmured to himself.

"Already been done!" Blades cried, popping out from nowhere.

"Uh...ok then...what about covering him in napalm?"

"So last week!" Inferno replied.

"Uh...ripping his head off with my bare hands?"

"I did that way back in Chapter 2, back when the Author wasn't sure what kind of character I would be!" Air Raid said.

"Hmmm...What if I were to skewer him on several sharp metal spikes and cover him with nitric acid using a small paintbrush, has that been done before?" Astrotrain asked, getting frustrated.

The trio of Autobots looked shocked, even Blades.

"Jesus man, that's seriously dark!" An astounded Air Raid exclaimed.

"You been watching those _Guinea Pig _movies?" Inferno asked, suspicion in his voice.

"Right, that settles it then! That is how I shall kill Dirge!" Astrotrain said, before dashing off.

The Autobots stood where they were, a silence hanging over them.

"So...how did we get here again?" Air Raid asked.

* * *

In the city, the hunt for Dirge had began. Already, several Decepticons had managed to kill Dirge in a myriad of horrific ways. Scrapper and Bonecrusher had been chosen to act as the event's commentators and were reading out the names of all those who had killed Dirge so far.

"...And next we have Runabout and Runamuck, who managed to spray Dirge with corrosive acids using spray cans, genius, simply genius! Not to mention Scourge's method of drawing and quartering Dirge with the help of some of his Sweeps!" Bonecrusher cried.

"Followed by Wildrider, who repeatedly backed over Dirge, crushing him horribly! Oh, and I've just received notification that Blast Off tied Dirge down so that he could blast him with his exhaust!" Scrapper added.

"Boy, it sure pisses me off that we're stuck up here and won't be participating!" Bonecrusher exclaimed, pounding his fist on the table.

"Well to hell with that! Let's just go on out there!" Scrapper yelled.

"Yeah! From a View to a Kill!" Bonecrusher shouted as he and Scrapper jumped out of their box and began their own Dirge hunt.

* * *

Astrotrain ran through the streets, looking frantically for Dirge. So far he had had no luck, and had even had to fight off Thrust, Blot, Hook and Kakuryu. No, things were not looking good, and to make things worse, an extremely panicked Dirge had begun hiding from his supposed friends.

"Aha!" Astrotrain heard someone cry out.

Astrotrain picked up his pace and ran towards the source of the noise, only to arrive too late as he saw Rippersnapper slowly lowering Dirge into a tank full of bulldog ants.

"Oh God! The agony!" Dirge screamed as the ants went all _Kingdom of the Crystal Skull _on him.

Astrotrain cursed, at this rate, he would never win.

* * *

Elsewhere, Bruticus was lumbering around, also searching for Dirge. Suddenly, he felt the ground shaking, looking around, he saw Superion making his way towards him.

"SUPERION! MY OLD ARCHNEMISIS!" Bruticus roared.

"WHAT? I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT MENASOR WAS MY ARCHNEMISIS!" Superion replied.

"NO, IT WAS DEFINENTLY ME! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Bruticus asked/bellowed.

"I'M HERE TO KILL DIRGE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Superion questioned.

"THE VERY SAME! AND NOW WE MUST BATTLE, FOR WE BOTH CANNOT HAVE THE SAME GOALS!" Bruticus...made a very loud noise.

"VERY WELL! TO THE DEATH!" Superion responded, raising a hand and flexing his fingers, challenging Bruticus to bring it.

* * *

Close by, Aqua and Crystal stepped out of the movie theatre.

"Well, was that a great movie or what?" Aqua asked.

"Yeah, that was fun, we should go out more often...oh hey, is that the time? I was supposed to meet James back at the base." Crystal said, looking at her watch, secretly the Decepticon reconnaissance officer Clock Stop.

"You know, we're just going to have to start this whole thing over again, right?" Aqua raised an eyebrow.

Crystal shrugged "I don't mind, I like hanging out with you and-Jesus Christ!" Crystal exclaimed as a truck that had been sent hurtling through the air barely missed her.

"What the hell?" Aqua asked, looking up and catching sight of Superion and Bruticus locked in combat "Huh, don't see that everyday..."

"Eeeeeeeeeee! They're after me!" Dirge screamed as he ran past the pair.

"That either..." An astonished Crystal added.

Suddenly, Astrotrain ran up to them "Hey, have you two seen a pointy blue guy with wings attached to his legs run by?"

Aqua pointed in the direction Dirge had run in.

"Right, thanks! Get back here so I can kill you Dirge!" Astrotrain shouted as he brought out a rifle.

More Decepticons followed suite, such as Blitzwing, Shrapnel, Reflector, Apeface, Hun-Gurr and the entire Breastforce...no, seriously, there's a Decepticon sub group called the Breastforce, I swear I'm not making this up.

"Well that was weird..." Crystal said.

* * *

Meanwhile, Superion and Bruticus were still fighting, Bruticus was wielding a monorail like nunchaku, while Superion was helicopters as shuriken, and absolutely none of it was relevant to the plot.

"PREPARE TO FACE YOUR DOOMY DOOM!" Bruticus snarled.

"THE SAME FOR YOU!" Superion retorted, before flinging the helicopters.

* * *

Not far away, Astrotrain was getting fed up with the chase. He had been pursing Dirge for hours, and so far he had only killed half a dozen humans and scared that little freak Starscream's ghost.

"I need a plan that's sure to kill Dirge and take out the competition...wait! I've got it!" Astrotrain exclaimed, before flying off into the sky.

"That's another one gone! Quickly, we must reach Dirge!" Scowl cried as he and Divebomb gave chase to the fleeing Dirge.

* * *

Back to Superion and Bruticus, Bruticus had gained the upper hand, and was pummelling his foe mercilessly. Suddenly, a gigantic shadow passed over them.

"EH?" Bruticus asked, looking up "...OH FU-"

He never got any further than that, because a gigantic meteorite crushed both him and Superion, before striking the city, causing gigantic explosions and shockwaves that demolished the surrounding area.

"Wha-? Argh! Run away!" Wildfly screamed as he saw a wall of fire rushing towards him.

In the ensuing destruction, many, many Decepticons were sent flying by the explosion, and Dirge was killed horribly.

When the destruction was over, Astrotrain landed in the remains of the city.

"Well, that's that taken care of, and no more competition either!" Astrotrain said with a grin, dusting his hands off.

Galvatron walked over to Astrotrain "We have a winner! For the most creative, destructive, reckless, collateral damaging method of killing Dirge so far, you win!"

Astrotrain shrieked with glee "Alright! What do I win?"

"Dirge's head!" Galvatron replied, holding up Dirge's severed head.

"Sweet!" Astrotrain said as he marvelled at his prize.

"Huh, this place is a mess...Constructions! Clean this up!" Galvatron ordered the Constructions, who were groaning as their blackened and smoking bodies littered the area.

* * *

Crystal: Wow...that was...wow...

Aqua: How did we survive that again?

Crystal: Eh, who cares? We're alive, that's what's really important.

Aqua: But...all those people-

Crystal: I'm sure it's fine. Anyway, I've got the closing message to deliver. Ahem, the author wishes to express his hope that you enjoyed the following...horrific tale, and he hopes that you will review. Finally, he thanks you for reading...uh...bye? Ok, how was that?

Aqua: Pretty good!

Crystal: Ok, thanks. Oh, and one more thing, the Author wishes to thank 9aza for helping him come up with the plot of the chapter, her idea was a big help. Now...wanna get something to eat?


	22. Chapter 22

Errol: Hello, and welcome to They Just Don't Care Anymore, chapter 22-

Author: You're not saying it right, you have to shout it.

Errol: I'm not doing that.

Author: The hell you're not! I made you a were tiger and by God I can unmake you a were tiger!

Errol: That doesn't, uh...that doesn't begin to make sense.

Author: Whatever...what were we arguing about again?

Errol: Uh...Sparky stealing your blueberry muffin?

Author: What? That was Sparky? I'll kill the son of a bitch!

Errol: Right, now that we have him out of the way, I wish to make absolutely clear that he does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers.

Author: Curses!

Errol: What the-? How the bloody hell does he do that?

Aqua: He has very good hearing.

Errol: Uh...right, anyway, please enjoy the following story, do not forget to leave a review when you're done and finally...We appreciate that you took the time to read this.

* * *

In the Autobot base, Optimus Prime had summoned Jazz to his office.

"You wanted to see me sir?" Jazz asked as he stepped into the office.

"Ah, yes, sit down Jazz." Optimus told his second in command.

Jazz looked around, confused "But there's no chair here-"

"Damn it Jazz! When I say sit down, I mean stand up, so stand up!" Optimus roared.

Jazz rolled his eyes at his leader's sheer lunacy "Riiiight, so what did you need me for?"

Optimus stood up and placed his hands on his desk "I have a very important announcement...the Autobots are going to buy out the Decepticons!"

Dramatic lighting!

Jazz looked up, startled "Jesus man! Where the hell did that come from?"

"Yeah, I don't know, must be some faulty electrical wiring or something." Optimus replied, shaking his head "Anyway, like I said, we'll be buying out the Decepticons!"

Jazz stared at his leader "Buying out the Decepticons? Will they let that happen?"

"They have no choice! Their stocks have been plummeting, their sales have tanked! Soon, they will be as broke as Cosmos is hungry!" Optimus exclaimed, banging his hands on the table.

"Damn...wait, what do they sell?" Jazz questioned.

"Knick knacks! Soundwave makes and sells them!" Optimus answered "But because of a decline in sales, they're haemorrhaging money! So, I'm sending three of my most expendable minions to offer them a deal!"

Jazz looked apprehensive "And...which minions would these be?"

"Perceptor, Ultra Magnus and Arcee!"

Jazz's eye twitched "Uh...sure, I'll go tell them..."

Optimus sat back down "Good! You got do that! And get me a bagel while you're at it, I'm freakin' starving over her for God's sakes!"

Jazz stepped out of the door, leant against it and sighed "One of these days, I'm going over to the Decepticons..."

* * *

Jazz walked into the Rec Room and spied the three he had been assigned to get. Of course, he walked right past them and approached Cliffjumper, Wheeljack and Starscream's ghost.

Jazz shoved a briefcase into Cliffjumper's arms "Prime says give this to Galvatron or he'll cut your bearings off."

Cliffjumper eeked.

* * *

At the Decepticon base, Cliffjumper, Wheeljack and Starscream's ghost made their way through the halls of the enemy fortress. Suddenly, Starscream's ghost heard strange noises coming from behind a door. Curious, he peeked his head into the gap, and was amazed by what he saw.

Sunstorm was serenading Tracks with a rendition of _Never Gonna Give You Up._

Starscream's ghost blinked "Tracks? What's going on?"

Tracks jumped when he realised that Starscream's ghost was watching them "Argh! Starscream's ghost! This isn't what it looks like!"

"Does Warpath know about this?" Starscream's ghost asked.

"Uh...Mr. Warpath doesn't need to know about this! Here, here's fifty bucks, it's yours if you keep your mouth shut!"

Starscream's ghost's eyes lit up "Fifty bucks? My lips are sealed!"

And with that, Starscream's ghost ran off with a shrill squeal.

"Jesus, what a freak..." Sunstorm muttered "Now, where were we?"

* * *

In Galvatron's office...

"Sir, there are some Autobots for you." Cyclonus told his leader, poking his head through the door.

"What do they want?" Galvatron asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"They didn't say sir...but apparently it involves Cliffjumper's bearings..." Cyclonus answered, looking disturbed about having to say that.

"Hmmm, I'll see them...in front of the Infernal Pit of Doom!" Galvatron exclaimed.

Dramatic lightning!

Cyclonus jumped "Jesus! The hell was that?"

"I don't know, probably something to do with Buzzsaw, he was screwing around in the base's ventilation systems a while ago. Anyway...to the Infernal Pit of Doom!"

* * *

By the Infernal Pit of Doom, Cliffjumper, Wheeljack and Starscream's Ghost were lining the edge, while Galvatron, Cyclonus, Soundwave, Skywarp, Thundercracker, Dirge, Ramjet, Thrust, Wildfire, Scrapper, Hook, Onslaught and Brawl had their weapons carefully trained on them.

"State your business Autobots!" Galvatron commanded.

"Optimus said that you guys are going broke, so he told us to offer you some money if you let us buy you out." Cliffjumper told him, holding up his briefcase.

"And if you don't then I'll kill you all." Wheeljack added, holding up a detonator.

"What...? Buy us out?" A stunned Galvatron asked, eyes wide open, lowering his weapon slightly.

"Yeah, he said that-" Cliffjumper began.

"Silence!" Galvatron cried out, silencing Cliffjumper "How dare you! You offer me money for my dying organisation! You threaten me and my people with death! You insult my queen!"

Starscream's ghost blinked "Queen? What-?"

"I mean Cyclonus!" Galvatron roared.

"WHAT?-!" Cyclonus shrieked.

"But we never-!" Wheeljack started.

"Silence! For your insolence, we must kick you into the Infernal Pit of Doom!" Galvatron shouted, raising his cannon.

Cyclonus cleared his throat and stepped forward "Sir, he's offering to buy us out, giving us money...money which we desperately need, so whatever you do, don't kick him into the Infernal Pit of Doom."

Galvatron turned to Cyclonus, stared at him for a few seconds, then turned back to Cliffjumper...and then he kicked him into the Infernal Pit of Doom.

Cyclonus groaned "What did I just say? What did I just say?-! Stop kicking people into the Infernal Pit of Doom! Really! Look, maybe this is still salvageable, there's still two left-"

Galvatron then proceeded to kick Wheeljack into the Infernal Pit of Doom.

Cyclonus sighed and massaged his temples "Uh, look, Starscream's ghost, maybe you should just leave before-"

"I just kicked him in." Galvatron said.

Cyclonus sighed again "Oh Jesus Christ."

"But they left the briefcase!" Galvatron added, stooping to pick up the briefcase, which rested by the edge of the pit.

Cyclonus looked up "Seriously? Oh, good, I guess we got out on top after all!"

Galvatron then kicked Hook into the Infernal Pit of Doom.

Cyclonus looked shocked "Galvatron, what the hell?-! He was on our side!"

"Oh, I know, I've just developed a taste for kicking people into the Infernal Pit of Doom." Galvatron replied, before proceeding to kick Wildfire into the pit as well.

Cyclonus began spluttering, trying to find something to say "But-Jeez-Oh come on!"

"Remember your speech therapy lessons Cyclonus!" Galvatron said as he kicked Brawl into the Infernal Pit of Doom.

"Screw this! I am outta here!" Cyclonus shouted, throwing his arms up into the air and stormed off.

* * *

Later, Galvatron had pretty much decimated his entire garrison, save for Cyclonus, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Dead End, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Flip Sides, Ravage and Dirge. In order to combat his sudden lack of soldiers, he had gone out and hired a whole bunch of new ones. Standing in front of him now were such fearsome Decepticons such as Quickstrike, Demolisher, Tarantulas, Tidal Wave, Terrorsaur, Oil Slick, Waspinator, Blackarachnia, Lugnut and Armada Cyclonus.

"Gentlemen, welcome to my evil Decepticon Base" Galvatron addressed his troops "One second." Galvatron walked over to his troops, grabbed Dirge and threw him into the Infernal Pit of Doom.

"Aaaaaahhhhh!" Dirge screamed as he was sent plummeting into the pit.

"Let that be a reminder that this organisation will not tolerate Coneheads." Galvatron told his flinching soldiers "Gentlemen, let's get down to business" Suddenly, Dirge groaned "We've got a lot to do."

"Someone help me...I'm still alive only I'm very badly burned..."

Galvatron peered down into the pit in surprise, before continuing "...Some of you I know, some of you I'm meeting for the first time-"

Hello out there...can someone call an ambulance...I'm in quite a lot of pain..."

Galvatron tried to ignore Dirge "Ok, you've all been gathered here for my evil cabinet-"

"Ooooohhhh..."

Galvatron chuckled nervously and raised a finger "Scuse me..." He said, before walking over to Skywarp "Yes, he's down there."

"So?" Skywarp asked.

"I want you to kill him, possibly with a gun." Galvatron replied.

"And if I say no?" Skywarp asked, crossing his arms.

In response, Galvatron threw Skywarp into the Infernal Pit of Doom.

"If somebody could please just throw down a rope I could get out of here...See I designed this myself and-Oh! Oh, hi, good...I'm glad you found me, listen, I'm very badly burned, so if you could just-"

A gunshot echoed off the walls.

"You shot me!"

"Right, moving on-" Galvatron began.

"You shot me right in the eye! Why did-?-!"

A second gunshot, followed by an incredibly awkward silence as Galvatron waited to see if Dirge was really dead this time.

"...Right, anyway, as my former second in command, Cyclonus, stormed off, Cyclonus, I'm making you my new second in command!"

Armada Cyclonus leapt into the air "Hahah! Alright! Booyah bitches! It's all Cyclonus now!"

"What?-!" Cyclonus shouted "Galvatron, this is bullshit! Why does he get my position?"

"Because he's so damn cool." Galvatron replied as Cyclonus kicked Skywarp back into the pit as he struggled to pull himself back up.

"But you can't have two Cyclonus!" Cyclonus protested.

Galvatron rubbed his chin thoughtfully "Good point, from now on, you're Cyclonus II."

Cyclonus II's eyes twitched in fury "Aw to hell with it." And with that, he picked up Wheeljack's detonator and pressed it.

The resulting explosion sent all of the new recruits and Galvatron tumbling into the Infernal Pit of Doom.

"Well, problem solved." Cyclonus said, dusting his hands off.

"Good riddance." Thundercracker muttered.

"I never liked Armada anyway" Dead End muttered.

("Well...what now?") Buzzsaw shrieked.

"Drinks?" Flip Sides suggested.

("Sounds like a plan!") Ravage snarled.

And they all got hammered.

* * *

Errol: End of chapter 22. Well, are you not entertained? I guess I kind of liked it...way too many pop culture references though. Once again, the Author hopes that you enjoyed the following tall of his, to please remember to leave a review and finally...Thank you for reading, until the next chapter, goodbye.


	23. Optimus Prime Makes a Really Stupid Call

Hideki: Ah, why hello, and welcome to another instalment of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! As usual, the author does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers.

Author: Curses!

Hideki: Ahem, may I remind you that it was my turn to introduce this?

Author: Ah, right, sorry, please, continue..."

Hideki: Good...Um, there's not a whole lot left to say, I guess...Oh! I know! Please enjoy the following fic that has been presented to you, don't forget to leave a nice review and finally...thank you for reading!

Author: What are you building?

Hideki: A tractor beam.

Author: What do we need one of those for?

Hideki: I don't know, it just might be useful to have in the future.

Author:...Jack would have come up with a reason to have one.

Hideki: Sigh, I am not Jack, stop comparing me to Jack and-Wait, are we still rolling? Oh son of a-!

* * *

In space, the calm tranquillity of it all was being utterly demolished, as if with a sledgehammer...or even a jackhammer...yeah, you know what? Make that a jackhammer, they're much louder. Where was I? Oh yeah, in space, Fortress Maximus was being pursued by the Decepticons in their own ship, the _Revenge. _

From the bridge of Fortress Maximus, Optimus was commanding his crew, consisting of Jazz, Huffer, Gears, Bluestreak, Hauler, Blaster, Ultra Magnus, Perceptor, Sandstorm, Trailbreaker, Starscream's ghost, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Mirage and Hound, as well as Cerebros and Fortress Maximus himself.

"Sir, we'll never escape them unless we dump the cargo!" Hauler warned Optimus.

"We are not dumping the cargo!" Optimus cried "It's too valuable! We need it too much!"

"We don't need Lithonian booze and Paradronian Cigars that badly!" Jazz protested as an explosion rocked Fortress Maximus.

"The hell we don't! We're down to a mere 76% on all supplies!" Optimus countered.

"Sir! Shields are down to 14% integrity, we can't take another hit like that!" Trailbreaker exclaimed.

"Bah! We'll have to go into...Hyperactive!" Optimus said, striking a pose.

"Takin' her into Hyperactive..." Sideswipe acknowledged as he flicked a few switches and toggled a few...toggles.

And with that, the hyper jets began warming up.

* * *

On the _Revenge,_ Galvatron and his forces were preparing to destroy Optimus Prime and his forces once and for all. Aboard the ship stood Galvatron, Cyclonus, Scourge, Thundercracker, Dirge, Ramjet, Thrust, The Combaticons, the Stunticons, the Constructicons, Soundwave, Blitzwing, Reflector and Shockwave.

"Sir, they've sustained heavy damage, one more blast should just about do it." Shockwave informed his commander.

"Excellent! Prepare to attack!" Galvatron commanded.

"Prepare to attack!" Scourge repeated.

Galvatron began again "One the count of three...One...Two-"

Suddenly, Fortress Maximus zoomed off.

"Late! What the hell was that?-!" Galvatron asked.

"I don't know sir, they must have hyper jets on that thing!" Cyclonus exclaimed.

"And what do we got on this piece of crap?" Galvatron questioned.

"I don't know sir!" Scourge squealed, fearing Galvatron's wrath.

"Well find them, catcth them!" Galvatron commanded his crew, throwing his hands up into the air.

Cyclonus quickly took charge of the situation "Prepare ship for light speed!"

Galvatron shook his head "No, no, lightspeeds too slow!"

"Lightspeed too slow?" An astonished Cyclonus asked.

"Yes, we'll have to go straight to...Ludicrous speed!" Galvatron exclaimed.

"Ludicrous speed? Sir, I don't think the ship can take it." Cyclonus cautioned.

"Whatsa matter Cyclonus? Chicken?" Galvatron asked, getting all up in Cyclonus' grille.

Cyclonus scowled "Prepare ship for Ludicrous speed!"

Scourge picked up the announcer "Prepare ship for Ludicrous speed! Fasten all seatbelts! Seal all entrances in exits! Cancel the three ring circus! Secure all animals in the zoo-!" Scourge's announcements were promptly cut off.

"Gimme that you petty excuse for an officer!" Galvatron snapped, snatching the announcer from Scourge "Now hear this! Ludicrous speed-!"

"Sir, perhaps it would be wise if you were to buckle up first?" Shockwave suggested as he and the rest of the crew put on their safety harnesses.

"Aw, buckle this!" Galvatron spat "Ludicrous speed, GO!"

And with that, the ship took off at incredible speeds. Galvatron screamed as the force of the speed almost sent him flying, he barely managed to stop himself from being sent hurtling around the bridge by grabbing a handrail on a console. All around him, lights were flashing in magnificent colours.

"What have I done?-!" Galvatron struggled to speak "My brains...are going into my feet!"

Suddenly, the stars that were whizzing past the view screen began to melt together and changed colours. Now they were plaid.

* * *

Inside of Fortress Maximus, the Autobots held onto their stations as something rocketed past them.

"Whoa!" Gears gasped.

What the hell was that?" Sandstorm asked, astonished.

"The _Revenge..."_ A shocked Huffer murmured.

"They've gone to plaid!" Hauler exclaimed.

* * *

Back aboard the _Revenge..._

"We passed them! Stop this thing!" Galvatron cried.

"We can't stop! It's too dangerous! We've got to slow down first!" Cyclonus strained to speak.

"Bullshit! Stop this thing! I order you! Just stop this thing! Stop!" Galvatron ordered.

Cyclonus' hand inched its way towards the emergency brake. Wrestling against the G-forces, Cyclonus managed to grip it and pull it towards him. Suddenly, the ship stopped and Dirge died from whiplash. Galvatron on the other hand, was sent rocketing forward, until a console stopped him. The others all unbuckled themselves and rushed towards their leader.

"Here, let me help you sir." Swindle offered, helping Galvatron to his feet...and then stealing his wallet.

The others gasped when they saw just how banged up Galvatron was. There were dents in his head and his crown had been partially ripped off.

"Are you alright sir?" Scourge asked hesitantly.

"Fine...how have you been?" Galvatron asked in a daze.

"Very good sir, it's a good thing you were wearing your extra reinforced head today." Scourge said, earning him glances Cyclonus, Shockwave and Thundercracker.

"Yeah..." Galvatron muttered, eyes glancing off into two separate directions.

"What shall we do now sir?" Shockwave asked.

"Well...are we stopped?" Galvatron questioned.

"We're stopped sir." Shockwave responded.

"Good...Why don't we take a five minute break?" Galvatron suggested.

"Very good sir." Scourge answered.

"Smoke if you got 'em..." Galvatron muttered, before he collapsed on top of Dirge, crushing him under his weight.

* * *

Back aboard Fortress Maximus, The Autobots were puzzling over what to do next.

"We must catch them!" Optimus cried, spalling a console with his palm.

"...Why?" Blaster asked.

"Because I said so, that's why damn it!" Optimus exclaimed.

"But how sir? They must have overshot us by a week and a half!" Bluestreak pointed out.

"Then we'll just have to go to...Oh Shiiiiiiiii-! Speed!" Optimus replied, a look of lunacy and determination on his face.

"Sir, this is madness! Fortress Maximus can't handle it! You'll doom us all!" Jazz exclaimed.

"I concur sir, we would all surely perish!" Cerebros chipped in.

"Nothing can beat me and my mighty Master Sword, especially not when I'm powered up with the Triforce of Power!" Fortress Maximus added, confusi9-ng all those present.

"Uh...right...Anyway, I'm sure my loyal and dedicated crew will have no problem following me on what is essentially a suicide mission! Right my loyal crew?" Optimus asked, turning to face his men.

Everyone except for Jazz was gone. Jazz looked around in shock.

"What the-? Aw son of a bitch!" Jazz cursed.

"Where did everyone go?" Optimus asked.

"Now launching escape pods...I call them my Pods of the Red Lions!" Fortress Maximus answered.

"Cowardly sons of bitches!" Optimus hissed, before turning and noticing that Jazz was trying to sneak off too "Hey! Cut that out! You and me have got a job to do!"

"And if I refuse?" Jazz asked, crossing his arms.

Optimus replied by pointing a gun at his head.

Jazz sighed "Fine."

"Now, Oh Shiiiiiiiii! Speed, go!" Optimus ordered.

Jazz muttered something under his breath and keyed in the ignition sequence from Perceptor's console. Suddenly, they rocketed forwards at breakneck speed. As quick as the ride had begun it stopped and jazz and Optimus were flung through Fortress Maximus' view screen and into the hard ground.

"Ugh...where are we?" Jazz asked as he picked himself up.

"The Beast planet." Cerebros replied as he detached himself from Fortress Maximus, accompanied by Cog, a drone.

"The Beast planet? Oh God! We're going to be killed by Beast Drones and their Null-Matter energy beams!" A panicked Optimus screeched as he flailed his arms around.

"Not that Beast planet you idiot!" Cog snapped "The one where the Beastformers live!"

"The Beastformers? I didn't know they were still part of our series." Jazz mused.

"They're not, so we abandoned the base we set up on this planet, as well as the garrison we left here." Cerebros explained.

"Uh...the Monsterbots? Isn't that a little harsh?" Jazz asked.

"Tell that to the guy who authorised it." Cog said.

Jazz turned to Optimus "You stupid bastard."

"What? There were budget cuts! Sacrifices had to be made!" Optimus defended himself.

"But not your booze or cigars, right?" Jazz asked, frowning at Optimus.

"Exactly! Finally, someone gets it!" Optimus exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Well...I guess we should meet up with the Autobot forces stationed here..." Cog muttered as he took lead.

Jazz sighed, stood up and walked alongside Cog.

"Come along Fortress." Cerebros commanded.

"I'm unstoppable when I used Nayru's love!" Fortress Maximus exclaimed.

Cerebros sighed "Of course you are..."

* * *

Elsewhere, Galvatron and his forces had touched down on the planet, having tracked the Autobots by using their Plaid trail.

"See anything yet?" Cyclonus asked as he, Thundercracker, Scourge, Thrust, Vortex, Blast Off and Ramjet scouted from the air.

"Nothing yet." Shockwave responded as he and Galvatron led the others.

Suddenly, there was a loud thunk noise and the others turned around to see what had caused it.

Dirge groaned "Pardon me sirs, but I seem to have been killed." He said, before collapsing, a spear sticking out of his back.

"Ambush! Decepticons, prepare for attack!" Shockwave commanded.

The Decepticons who weren't Shockwave proceeded to stand there doing absolutely nothing.

"Argh! Incompetent-! Bail 'em out!" Cyclonus commanded.

A number of small attackers rushed through the undergrowth, but stopped when they reached the Decepticons.

"You are...Decepticons?" One of them asked.

"Sure we are, what of it?" Galvatron asked.

"Oh thank the Gods! Sir, we are all that remain of the Beastformers who have sided with you!" An arachnid like Beastformer answered.

"I don't...I don't remember any of you guys..." Galvatron replied.

"Oh, then allow us to introduce ourselves, I am the commander here, Alligatotron" An albino alligator introduced himself "And with me are Devilbat, Deathspider, Badshark, Iguanamons, Brown Gyro, Green Chameles, Power Nozzle, Cuttledeep, Ultragas and Pangol."

"Uh huh...Are you guys flammable? I like flammable!" Galvatron said, staring intensly at Cuttledeep, who was deeply unsettled.

"Galvatron, wait! They may be able to lead us to the Autobots!" Cyclonus hissed as he lowered Galvatron's cannon.

"Autobots? You want Autobots? Yes, we can take you to Autobots!" Deathspider offered.

"Yes, follow us!" Cuttledeep cried as he and the others dashed off into the brush.

"Galvatron, can't we just get back to base?" Thundercracker asked.

"No! The Decepticons back on Earth expect us to bring them back a sack full of Autobot heads, and I will not disappoint them!" Galvatron exclaimed.

"Huh...Oh my God! Who's leading the Decepticons back on Earth?" Shockwave asked.

"Relax, I left Skywarp in charge." Galvatron reassured.

"Skywarp...Oh no..." Thundercracker muttered.

* * *

Back in the Decepticons Base...

Skywarp shifted uncomfortably in his seat at his desk. Nervously, he pressed the button that activated the intercom, opened his mouth to say something, stopped, thought about what to say, and then opened his mouth again.

"Uh...attention everyone...work harder...thank you..." Skywarp's voice blared throughout the base.

* * *

"Oh God, he's probably destroyed everything by now!" Cyclonus muttered, clutching his head in worry.

"Eh, I'm sure it's fine...Now, on to the Autobots!" Galvatron commanded, ignoring the fact that Badshark was now feasting on Dirge.

And off they went, to hunt down the Autobots and their Beastformer allies.

* * *

The Autobots reached what appeared to be a very old building, covered in creepers.

"Wow, this place really went to hell fast..." Cog muttered as he and Jazz strolled up to the buildings.

"Actually, it was always like this, Optimus just didn't want to spend a lot of money on renovations." Cerebros explained.

Suddenly, a shot rang through the air, scratching Cerebros.

"Enemies!" Jazz exclaimed.

"I'll use Din's Fire to defeat them!" Fortress Maximus cried, before making several bizarre gestures that vaguely resembled dance moves and making whistling noises.

Suddenly, three Autobots popped out of the wreckage of the building.

"Prime! You sorry son of a bitch! Never thought you'd show your face around here!" Repugnus snarled.

"We should kill them." Doublecross suggested.

"Good idea!" Grotusque agreed.

"Wait!" Jazz cried, dropping his rifle and holding up his hands "We are aware of what happened to you, and let it be known that it was entirely Optimus' fault! Not us, him!"

"Hmmm, maybe we should just kill Prime then." Repugnus suggested.

"Maybe...but on the other hand..." Doublecross trailed off as he raised his rifle.

"Oh come on! Let us go and we'll give you some Decepticons to scalp, or whatever." Cog suggested.

"Hmmm, torturing Decepticons is always fun..." Repugnus mused.

"Who you got?" Grotusque asked.

"Starscream's ghost!" Cog replied, turning to Fortress Maximus "Let him go!"

Fortress Maximus took out a giant bottle, uncorked it and tipped it upside down. Out popped Starscream's ghost.

"Heal me Poe!" Fortress Maximus commanded, causing Starscream's ghost to squeal.

"What a freak" Grotusque muttered "Hey! We can't torture him, he's a ghost!"

"They've gone." Repugnus pointed out.

"Son of a bitch!" Doublecross snarled.

End of Part I

* * *

Hideki: Yeah, it's a two parter...personally, I think the Author just couldn't be bothered to write anymore...lazy little-

Author: Hey! Don't insult your employer! Jack wouldn't have insulted me!

Hideki: Sigh. No, Jack would have tried to stab you in the back with one of those lame robots of his.

Author: Hey, Jack wouldn't have done that! He was loyal!

Hideki: What about that time he tried to steal everything out of the vault?

Author: He...he said he was sleepwalking!

Hideki: Ugh, whatever man, I'm tired. One last thing, we hoped you enjoyed it, blah, blah, blah, please review, yadda, yadda, yadda and thanks for reading, good night everybody...

Author: Yeah, you better run! (Hit by tractor beam projector tossed through the air) Ugh! Oooh...please...remeber to...use the poll on my profile page...which TJDCA is your favourite...Ugh (collapses) THUD!


	24. Beastformers? Visionaries? WhateverII

Hideki: Hello one and all, to yet another chapter of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 24. Ok, once again, the Author does not own The Transformers, the Beastformers, the Laser Beasts or any of the characters that are associated with those franchise.

Author: Argh! Curses! A pox on Hasbro and whoever owns Laser Beasts!

Hideki: Oh for the love of-! You agreed to stay away!

Author: Sorry, sorry, you know how I get whenever-

Hideki: Yes, we all know, now get back before I pull out the restraining order!

Author: Eep! Right away!

Hideki: Ahhh, now where was I? Oh, yes, this is the follow up piece to last chapter's cliff-hanger, so prepare to be...uh, entertained I guess...The Author expresses his desire that you enjoy the following tale, please don't forget to leave a review when you've finished with this and finally...Thank you for reading...Right, I need a soda...

* * *

The Decepticons and their allies, the Decepticon Beastformers slowly trekked their way through the jungles of the Beast planet. Finally, Galvatron grew tired of it.

"Argh! How much further is it?-! I grow tired of all this walking, and when I get tired, I don't just get angry, I get trigger happy!" Galvatron yelled, startling his soldiers.

"Uh...perhaps it would be best if one of us scouted ahead to see..." Alligatron suggested "Devilbat, you fly on and tell us what you see!"

"At once my liege." Devilbat hissed, bowing slightly, before pulling out a Power Staff "Wings of Steel shall ride the breeze, Invade the-!"

"Wait, wait, wait! Where the hell did you get a Power Staff? Aren't they from _Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light?" _Cyclonus asked, waving his arms about.

Iguanamons shrugged "Eh, we're pretty much the same."

"How? How are you the same?" Cyclonus asked, folding his arms.

"We're wearing brightly coloured armour with panels on our chests that have symbols and we all wield melee weapons, sounds a lot like _Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light _to me!" Cuttledeep clarified.

"Well, not really-" Cyclonus began, only to be cut off by Dirge.

"Can you transform into animals too?" Dirge questioned, looking at the Beastformers inquisitively.

"Sure, why not." Power Nozzle said with a shrug, before transforming into a giant, mutant anteater.

"Ooooohhhh..." Dirge gasped in wonder...until Power Nozzle sucked Dirge into his mouth like an oversized ant "Argh!"

Devilbat stared at the scene for a moment, surprised, before getting back to his Power Staff "Wings of steel shall ride the-!"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Cyclonus began again "Why do you need to cast a spell to fly? You're a bat, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but his wings were eaten by Badshark while he was asleep." Deathspider replied.

"He's German." Pangol explained in a hushed tone.

Thundercracker gave a nod of understanding "Ah, German cannibal."

"Can we get away with that?" Shockwave asked.

"Eh, if _IT Crowd _can, then so can we!" Pangol exclaimed.

"Ahem, as I was saying...Wings of steel shall ride the breeze, Invade the air, the land, the seas!" Devilbat cried, before six, silvery, glowing, metallic spikes shot out of his backs, before sprouting a fleshy membrane that connected the spikes together.

"I don't remember that being in the show." Thundercracker said, raising an eyebrow.

Alligatron shrugged "Eh, we took some liberties to modify the spells."

* * *

Elsewhere, the Autobots Optimus Prime, Jazz, Cerebros, Cog, Fortress Maximus and Starscream's ghost were walking through another part of the jungle.

"It seems too quiet to be natural..." Cog muttered.

"Who gives a damn?" Optimus mumbled.

Cog shook his head "Jungles are supposed to be noisy, jackass! There's birds and insects and animals making noises...this is way to quiet..."

Fortress Maximus suddenly joined the conversation "Mah Boi, this peace is what all true heroes strive for!"

Cog jerked back in surprise and disgust "Did you just call me "Mah Boi"?"

"Maybe." Fortress Maximus replied.

"Maybe we should-" Cerebros began, only for Prime to cut him off.

"ATTACK!" Prime shouted, before firing wildly into the brush, destroying everything...oh it was a slaughter, let me tell you.

"Oh God damn it!" Jazz cursed, slapping his forehead in annoyance.

"Well, that showed that uppity little forest, eh?" Optimus asked, turning to his troops.

Suddenly, they heard the sound of a rifle being cocked.

"Reach for the skies Decepticons!" A voice called out.

"Never Autobot scum!" Prime shouted before firing again.

"Prime you idiot! We're Autobots!" Jazz shouted to his leader, throwing himself at him to stop him from shooting anymore.

"Are we? Oh..." Prime said, surprised.

"Wait...Prime? Autobots?" The voice seemed curious "Are you really Autobots?"

"Yes, we are!" Cerebros called out "Please, come out! We wish you no harm!"

"Hmmm...Better send someone expendable...Giader! You go!"

"What?-! Why does it have to be me?-!" Another voice cried out.

"Because you're a weasel! And since you're not the weasel from Farthing Wood, that makes you expendable!"

"Aw, you sons of bitches!"

Grumbling, a small figure stepped out into the open. He was covered in reddish brown fur and clad in dark blue armour, one hand replaced with a cannon, carrying the stupidest looking axe or spear with his real hand.

"So...you gonna kill me, or what?" Giader asked as he stared up into the eyes of Optimus Prime.

"Why yes, yes we are!" Prime answered as he lifted his foot.

"No Prime, no!" Jazz cried out, rushing to stop his leader "We're not here to kill you! We need help! Our ship crashed here due to a case of terminal stupidity!"

"Yo!" Optimus called out, waving.

"So...you're not going to kill me then?" Giader asked.

"No!" Cog replied.

"Oh, ok then...its ok guys, you can come out!" Giader turned and called to his buddies.

Suddenly, a whole pack of cyborg animals strode out...yes, you read that right, cyborg animals. Leading them was a bipedal tiger wearing brown armour, a rocket launcher attached to one shoulder and a white sword in one hand.

"Ah, greeting Optimus Prime, I see you have returned to us. I am Golder, leader of the Beastforce and king of the fair lands Gunmarino and Bestram." The leader announced himself.

"Goldar? What, like the _Power Rangers _villain?" A confused Optimus asked.

Golder's eye twitched "No, not Goldar! Golder! I am not a bloody _Power Ranger _villain!"

"Wait, I was under the impression that White Leo was the leader of the Beastforce and king of Bestram?" Cerebros asked as he searched his databanks.

"No, White Leo had...a very unfortunate..."accident"...yes, he "accidentally" tripped and fell on his own sword...Which he then bequeathed to me...Tragic..." Golder replied, nodding slowly, looking down at White Leo's sword, White Beamer.

"Oh my God..." Jazz muttered, massaging his brow.

"And...Everyone was ok with that?" Cog asked dubiously.

"Hey, I've got a frickin' missile launcher attached to my frickin' shoulder! Who's going to argue? Nobody, that's who!" Golder snapped.

"Riiiiiiiight..." Cog replied.

"Why is the half Lynel talking? We should kill it!" Fortress Maximus suggested, drawing his Master Sword.

"Good idea!" Optimus agreed, raising his blaster.

"No! Jesus man, just...just no..." An extremely exasperated Jazz told his leader "Uh, look, we need some parts to repair our giant spaceship slash complete moron, do you have anything we can use?"

A bird Beastformer shook his head "I'm afraid we don't the Autobots that were stationed here stole everything when they realised that you weren't coming back for them, you'll have to talk to them if you want your stuff."

Cog sighed "Just great..."

"Do you think you could help us get our stuff back?" Cerebros asked.

"Sure, why not? Allow me to introduce my troops, Giader you've already met, there's also Colonel Flykick, Big Serow, his second cousin Little Serow, Hedgehog, Gray Sharp, Koala Gray, Undergun, Scope Cougar, Jungaroo, Beavop, Night Glider, Seairon and Drakoon." Golder introduced his troops.

"Uh huh, and which ones are the sane ones?" Jazz asked.

Little Serow, Jungaroo, Flykick, Giader, Koala Gray, Beavop and Gray Sharp stepped forward.

"That would be us sir." Little Serow replied as he held up his Serow Carbine.

"Ok, well this is promising..." Jazz said, glad for a change.

"And the rest of you?" Cog asked.

"Well, Big Serow keeps trying to kill us in our sleep, Hedgehog thinks he's Sonic the Hedgehog, Undergun thinks he's Bottles the Mole, Scope Cougar is a spastic, trigger happy cowboy, Seairon is afraid of bears, Night Glider is obsessively protective of his grenades and Drakoon is a kleptomaniac..." Koala Gray clarified.

"Ah...well, that's that then..." Cog replied uncertainly.

"Sounds like a perfect group if you ask me! Now onwards men, to glory, for tonight, we dine in hell!" Optimus cried.

There was a mutter of disagreement.

Optimus sighed "Ok, then we won't dine in hell, we'll order take out!"

The mutter turned to agreement, and away they went.

Unbeknownst to them, high above them, Devilbat was watching them...and plotting.

"Hey, what the-? God damn birds!" Fortress Maximus cried.

Devilbat giggled, right on target.

* * *

The Autobots trekked back the way they came, accompanied by the Beastformers.

"Ugh, is it much further?" Jazz asked as he accidentally stepped on Cobrander as he slithered past.

"My spine..." Cobrander breathed, twitching.

"Eh, I don't know...Hedgehog! Go ahead and see!" Golder commanded.

"At once commander Goldar!" Hedgehog replied, slapping his chest in acknowledgement.

"No, not Goldar! Golder!" The tiger protested.

"Eh...whatever..." Hedgehog answered, pulling out a Power Staff "Time to go Supersonic! Sheathe these feet in the driving gale, Make swift these legs o'er land I sail!"

And with that, Hedgehog turned into a gold blur that zipped off.

"Why...why does he have a power staff?" Cerebros asked.

"Oh let's not start that again!" Night Glider protested.

Suddenly, Hedgehog returned "Right behind that tree."

"I-Seriously? That tree over there?" Cog asked, pointing it out.

"Yep."

"Huh...what a terrible waste of energy..." Jazz muttered.

And so, the Autobots finally reached the decrepit Autobot base after a perilous, fifteen minute journey. What an adventure it was.

"So...how do we get the stuff if those psychotic Autobots are guarding it?" Starscream's ghost asked.

"Easy, we beat the crap out of them!" Optimus exclaimed, activating his energy axe.

"Huh...ok..." Starscream's ghost replied uncertainly.

"What? Prime, can't we try diplomacy, just this once?" Cerebros asked.

"Diplomacy is a finely sharpened blade to the head!" Fortress Maximus exclaimed.

"Shut up. Come on Prime, can't we all just get along?" Cerebros asked.

"Hmmm...Nope!"

"Ugh, very well then..." Cerebros sighed.

"Ah! See you are back for more! And you brought friends!" Doublecross cried as he stepped into view, alongside Repugnus and Grotusque.

"Look, we just need some spare parts so we can go!" Jazz called out "You can come with us if you want!"

"Or...we could kill you, steal your ship and then leave by ourselves." Repugnus suggested.

"No, let's not do that!" Cog called back.

"Eh, too bad!" Grotusque replied, before firing.

The Autobots and Beastformers all scrambled to find cover. Beside Jazz and Cog rested Little Serow, Koala Gray, Seairon and Gray Sharp.

"Isn't there something you guys can actually do?" Cog asked as a shot whizzed by his head.

"Well, there might be something..." Little Serow replied as he brought out a Power Staff "A whim, a thought, and more is sought, Awake my mind, thy will be wrought!"

A blue man with a pulsating head shot out of the staff.

"What is it you wish to know?" The energy being asked with a voice that sounded strangely like Jim Cummings'.

"How the hell do we beat these guys!" Little Serow asked.

"What? That's it? Oh, well I suppose you shoot at them...it's really not that hard..." Knowledge replied with a shrug, before dissipating.

Little Serow cursed "Smart alec son of a bitch!"

Jazz rolled his eyes "Right, now that we have that out of the way, let's return fire."

And with that, Jazz, Cog and Little Serow stood up and began firing. Besides them, Koala Gray and Gray Sharp grasped their power staffs.

"Three suns aligned, pour forth their light, And fill the archer's bow with might!" Gray Sharp bellowed, before summoning a blue archer who shot arrows at the Monsterbots.

"Draw upon the breath of stars, And scorch the earth with fiery scars!" Koala Gray cried out, sending fireballs towards his foes.

"By nature's hand, by craft, by art, What once was one now fly apart!" A voice exclaimed.

Suddenly, a gigantic green beast rose up out of the trees and lumbered towards the Autobots, carrying Dirge's body, which had been ripped in half.

"What is that?" Cog asked in shock.

"The beast of destruction! If he's here, then Pangol and the other Decepticon Beastformers must be close!" Koala Gray replied.

"That's right!" Pangol sneered as he walked into the clearing, holding his Power Staff aloft and leading the other Decepticons behind him.

"Surrender yourselves Autobots!" Galvatron cried.

"...How 'bout no, ya crazy Decepticon bastard!" Optimus shouted as he tackled Onslaught.

"Decepticons! Attack!" Galvatron commanded.

"Oh mist filled pits, dark, dank, unclear, Touch all before me with frost fingered fear!" Deathspider cried, summoning some freaky, man-spider hybrid from his staff.

"Eep!" Starscream's ghost cried as the beast tackled him, pinned him down and bit him...causing nothing to happen.

"What's going on? Why isn't he paralysed with fear!" Deathspider questioned.

"Because Starscream's ghost is already a cowardly little freak! He can't get any more afraid!" Cog explained.

"What a freak!" Deathspider spat in disgust.

This time, Alligatron tried his luck "By what creeps, what crawls, by what does not, Let all that grows recede and rot!"

Springing from Alligatron's Power Staff was a winged rat beast, as it walked, the grass beneath it withered and died.

"Uh oh..." Big Serow muttered, before fleeing from the beast, which gave chase.

"Yowr!"

Meanwhile, Brown Gyro was squaring off against Jungaroo.

"The arrows turn, the swords repel, Let nothing pierce this mortal shell!" Brown Gyro cried, as a spiky green figure appeared and light enveloped Gyro's body "Ha! Now you cannot defeat me!"

In response, Jungaroo kicked him in the nads.

"Oh God!" Brown Gyro moaned as he rolled around on the ground in agony.

"Now invincible against that, were you bitch?" Jungaroo asked.

Cuttledeep and Ultragas stood back to back, surrounded by Autobots.

"Flay the flesh, lay bare the bone, Upon this field, let grief be sown!" Cuttledeep commanded, summoning forth a sharp wind.

"Winds of sickness, illness most vile, Strike down my enemy, with disease revile!" From Ultragas' Power Staff, a green mist crept, destroying everything it touched.

"Aw, screw this man! I'm outta here!" Scope Cougar shouted as he turned tail and fled.

Not far away, Green Chameles had found himself surrounded by Seairon, Drakoon and Giader.

"Uh...What once was there, now is gone, Shall now unleash, a terrible storm!" Chameles cried out, before vanishing.

"Hey! That wasn't in the show!" Giader protested.

"Creative liberties!" Chameles hissed, before an invisible fist punched Giader in the gut.

Cog and Jazz meanwhile had their hands full with Galvatron.

Galvatron laughed as he faced the pair "Foolish Autobots! Did you really think that you could defeat?-!" At that point, Galvatron was struck by a rock that Cog had thrown "Oof! Did you really think that-?-!" Thwak! A boulder "Did you really-?-!" Thwak! A tree. "Hey! This isn't fair you sons of bitches!" Thwak! Alligatron. "Hey! Screw you guys and-Oh crap!" Galvatron cried.

Thwak! Fortress Maximus.

"Wow, this battle sure is intense! Hey princess, how about a kiss...for luck?" Fortress Maximus asked.

Jazz stepped back in disgust "Get the hell away from me!"

Fortress Maximus pouted "Well, excuuuuuuuuuse me princess!"

Now the Monsterbots were joining in on the fun.

"Wahay! This is fun!" Repugnus shouted as he twisted Dirge's head at a 180 degree angle.

"Sure is! Now I remember why I joined the Autobots! To brutally slay other living things!" Doublecross exclaimed.

Fortress Maximus looked around in surprise "Tektites? Dairas? Octos? Sweet! It's an enemy smorgasbord! I'm gonna get sooooo many rupees!"

And with that, Fortress Maximus stepped on the Beast of Destruction.

"What? How did he do that?-!" Pangol squealed.

"He transforms into a spaceship big enough for Transformers, I think it's reasonable to assume that he's the size of a mountain!" Cerebros replied.

"Where have you been for this entire battle?" Power Nozzle asked.

"I was behind that rock!" Cerebros explained.

"I know! I'll transform into the Fierce Deity!" Fortress Maximus exclaimed, as he pretended to put on a mask and began contorting and twisting around, as if he were shapeshifting.

"Will somebody put a freaking leash on that guy?-!" A frustrated Golder asked.

Suddenly, the Decepticons and the Beastformers realised that the battle had shifted against them. They looked around in surprise, before they fled off into the jungle...except for Dirge, who was struck by a flying Iguanamons thrown by Grotusque, causing him to explode.

"Well, that was fun." Repugnus said as he dusted his hands.

"Yeah...sure was...hey, it's Goldar! How ya been buddy?" Doublecross asked.

Golder groaned in exasperation "Golder! Not Goldar! Damn you all!"

"I'll take that as a just fine." Doublecross said.

"Well, now that the battle's over...can we have your stuff to fix our ship?" Cog asked.

Doublecross shrugged "Eh, sure, why not? You've reminded us what it meant to be an Autobot...that we could kill whatever we want, whenever we want!"

"Uh, I don't think that's what-" Cerebros began.

Jazz sighed and held up a hand to silence Cerebros "Save it, there's just no changing some people."

"Jazz!" A voice called out.

"What?" Jazz looked up "Strafe! Scattershot! How did you find us?"

"We placed a chip in Optimus' head that allows us to track him down whenever he does something stupid." Scattershot explained.

"Ok! With your help, we should be able to repair Fortress Maximus in no time!"

"Alright! Now we can leave this hell hole, get our crew and go home!" Optimus cried.

Cerebros blinked "The crew? Where exactly did they end up?"

* * *

Elsewhere, on some barren, inhospitable planet...

"Oh God! Make it stop!" Sandstorm screamed as he fled.

"The horror! The horror!" Hauler shouted.

"Come back! We just want to be loved!" Leader-1 cried as he and his Gobot minions chased after the fleeing Autobots.

"Nooooo! Get away you cheap knock off bastards!" Huffer cried, arms flailing as he made his escape.

Cykill sighed "Oh well, at least we managed to capture Gears, Sideswipe and Ultra Magnus!"

"We's gonna make 'em squeal like a pigs!" Hans-Cuff hyuked.

"Sweet..." Tank murmured as Gears, Sideswipe and Ultra Magnus struggled against their bonds.

* * *

Hideki: And...end of chapter 24...yeah, not so great right? I told him.

Author: Hey! Shut up man!

Hideki: I'm just saying.

Author:...I wish Jack were still here.

Hideki: Well, he's not, so get over it. Besides, I'm a much better Head of Science and Research anyway.

Author: Sigh. Just say the closing line.

Hideki: Oh yeah, right. We hoped that you enjoyed that...dribble, please leave a review and finally...thanks for reading. Right, now where's my pay check?

Author: And don't to forget to check out the poll on my profile page, or I shall feast on your squeedlyspooch!

Hideki: The hell is a squeedlyspooch?

Author: A superorgan primarily found in members of the Irken species! Now, go to the poll! The Author commands you! Go!


	25. Chapter 25

Sparky: Hello readers, and welcome to...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 25. Well, first of all-o, the Author tells me to tell you that he does not own The Transformers, and he sure as hell don't own any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers either.

Author: Damn you Universe!

Sparky: Anyway, he would also like to-

?-?-?: Why do you bother to do the work of a fool?

Sparky: Huh? Who's there?

?-?-?: I am the evil found in man's heart. I am the suffering of humanity. I am pure darkness incarnate!

Sparky: Oh, hi Ashlyn.

Ashlyn: Hey Sparky.

Author: Hey, an e-mail! I'll just open it and-! Oh God damn it! Ashlyn, stop rick rolling me! Urk!

Ashlyn: I told you, only Sparky can call me that.

Author: Ok, ok! Fine, stop rick rolling me _Demi._"

Ashlyn: Fifty bucks.

Author: Grumbling. You mercenary.

Ashlyn: Yeah, see, that's exactly what I am, in fact, most of us are. Me, Errol, my sister...we're all mercenaries.

Author: Well, Aqua's not-

Ashlyn: Excluding Aqua, everyone else is a mercenary.

Sparky: Uh...ok then...anyway, without further...non related crap, please enjoy the following story!

* * *

In some random city, the Autobots and the Decepticons were absolutely wrecking up the place. Menasor and Defensor were grappling with each other, Cliffjumper was beating the everloving shit out of Skywarp and Hauler was ripping Dirge apart through the use of his crane. Yep, normal day.

"Give up Autobots!" Galvatron screamed as he rammed Red Alert's head into a wall.

"Never! You'll have to beat Red Alert a lot more than that for him to give up the fighting!" Inferno exclaimed.

"Dear God nooooo! Make it stop!" Red Alert cried as Galvatron repeated his head slamming technique.

"Yep, a whole lot more than that." Inferno repeated.

Not far away, Optimus Prime was wrestling with Scourge.

"Maybe this will teach you Decepticon bastards not to cut the line in the movie theatre!" Optimus snarled as he mercilessly pummelled the hapless Scourge.

"Wait, I wasn't even there and-! Oh God! The agony!" Scourge cried.

"DEVASTATOR SMASH!" Devastator boomed as he rumbled up to Prime.

"Eep!" Starscream's ghost squealed, before running off.

"WHAT A FREAK." Devastators muttered "NOW, TO KILL PRIME!"

"Bah! Go ahead if you think you're bot enough! I bet you don't got the bearings for it, you lily livered-! Urk!"

The battle between the two was promptly ended when Devastator simply stepped on Prime.

"What? Prime's down?" Jazz asked in shock.

"Aha! I now claim leadership of the Autobots!" Grotusque cried "All kneel before the might of Grotusque!"

"Wait, I think he's still alive..." Perceptor pointed out.

"Oh no he's not." Grotusque countered.

"No, actually I'm pretty sure he's alive." Perceptor replied.

"Are you sure? Because I can come over there and check." Grotusque suggested as he cocked his rifle and strode over.

"Jeez, he doesn't look so good, we'd better get him back to the base." Hauler murmured.

"What, and retreat? Never! I'll die before I retreat" Fireflight protested.

In response, Goldbug shot him, stunning everyone.

"What? Well don't like at me like that! He practically asked me to do it!" Goldbug protested.

"Ah...right...let's just...let's just get their carcasses back to base..." Jazz said, shaking his head.

* * *

Back at the base, Optimus was laid out on a metal slab, Perceptor and First Aid by his side. Watching from the sidelines were Jazz, Hot Spot, Silverbolt, Ultra Magnus and Sandstorm.

"Well First Aid, will he make it?" Hot Spot asked.

"Hmmm, difficult to say at this point...it could go either way..." First Aid replied, not turning to face them.

Suddenly, someone burst into the room. They all turned around and saw Hot Rod standing in the doorway, wearing sunglasses.

Striking a pose, Hot Rod whipped of his sunglasses "Fatheeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr!" Hot Rod screamed.

Breaking into a run, Hot Rod dashed over to Optimus...before unceremoniously shoving him off his slab. A startled First Aid tried to calm down Hot Rod, but Hot Rod slapped him away. Annoyed, First Aid slapped him back, and well...it all just went downhill from there until Hot Rod stood over First Aid's smouldering body.

"What the hell just happened?" A confused Silverbolt asked.

"Here lies a great man! A great man!" Hot Rod cried, motioning to Optimus, still on the floor.

"He's not dead you jackass." Jazz seethed, the annoyance creeping into his voice.

"Well, in any case, as the team's former leader, I reluctantly accept command of the Autobots...Right, I'll see you all on Monday." Hot Rod said, beginning to stroll away, until Sandstorm stopped him.

"Wait a second, why should you get control of the Autobots? You're an idiot!" Sandstorm exclaimed, glaring at his new "leader".

"Because, I owned the Matrix and led the Autobots into a golden age when I was the leader, ergo, I lead." Hot Rod replied.

"Golden age?-! You blew up twelve planets you idiot!" Sandstorm exclaimed.

"Yes, but I had a very good reason...there were a small number of Decepticons there...like, a really small number...not worth it dude." Hot Rod answered.

"And then you went and insulted all the survivors, saying that Cybertron was a better planet than there's!"

"Well, it totally is!" Hot Rod said with a shrug.

"You utter bastard." Jazz muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, that's no way to talk to your leader man...I'm docking your pay." Hot Rod told Jazz.

Jazz cursed "Son of a bitch!"

"Right, I'm off, see you all on Monday." Hot Rod said again as he walked off.

Sandstorm was trembling with rage "Dude, we cannot let that jackass be the leader!"

"Well, what do you propose we do?" First Aid asked as he struggled to get to his feet, still smoking.

"First Aid, you Perceptor and Ultra Magnus working on fixing the lesser of two douche bags, Scattershot, you're made up of Unicron bits, and Hot Rod hates Unicron, so you find some way of stopping him from assuming command, same goes for you Hot Spot. Silverbolt, I'll need you to...to...You know what? You can just go get hammered." Sandstorm told the Aerialbot.

"Wahoo!" Silverbolt cried, thrusting his arms up into the air.

"And I'll stick with you." Jazz concluded, turning to Sandstorm.

"Sure, but I need to call in some help, I know a guy who'd have the parts we need to fix Optimus." Sandstorm replied.

* * *

"Hey guys, what's up?" Octane asked as he sat down next to Sandstorm, Arcee and Jazz.

"Oh no..." Jazz muttered.

All four of them were aboard Octane's space freighter, cruising along through space...yep.

"Octane, we need some parts to fix Optimus, do you think you have them?" Sandstorm asked.

"I might, what's wrong with him?" Octane questioned.

"Devastator crushed him." Arcee replied.

"Huh, crushed him eh? Well, that'll probably cost extra..." Octane said, turning his head and holding out his hand.

Jazz sighed and handed him a sack full of Octane actions figures.

"Sweet, just let me check my inventory..." Octane said, before walking over to his computer and turning it on.

Suddenly, a picture flashed up.

"Hey, what was that?" Arcee asked.

"Uh, nothing!" Octane reassured her.

"Was that-? Was that a picture of me?-!" Arcee exclaimed.

"...No..." Octane denied quietly.

"You son of a bitch." Arcee glared at Octane.

"Eep!" Octane...eeped.

"OK, embarrassing photos aside, do you have what we need?" Sandstorm asked.

"Yep...but of course, I'm going to need some extra payment...For repairs, you understand..."

"What repairs, this place looks fine?" Jazz asked.

In response, Octane punched his computer screen, shattering it.

Jazz sighed.

* * *

Back on Earth, Hot Rod was making his way towards the Autobot Throne of Leadership, when suddenly, the Technobots and the Protectobots jumped in front of him.

"Gah!" Hot Rod cried out in shock "Oh, it's you guys...what the hell do you want?"

"We want to talk about our pay." Nosecone replied.

"Pay? What pay? You guys don't get paid! You've never been paid!" Hot Rod snapped.

"What? No pay? Well then, I think this calls for a strike!" Streetwise exclaimed.

"Strike! Strike! Strike!" The others chanted.

"What? I can't deal with this now, I've got a throne to ascend!" Hot Rod tried to tell them.

"No throne until we get our pay checks! Men, form a human wall!" Lightspeed cried as he and the others joined arms to block Hot Rod.

"Hey, this isn't fair you sons of bitches! Come on!" Hot Rod protested, struggling to get by.

* * *

Back in space, Octane was piloting his ship back to Earth.

"Right, well, we should be there any minute now!" Octane told the others as he set the ship on autopilot "Assuming of course nothing unexpected happens to slow us down or else stop us in some way!"

Suddenly, an explosion rocked the ship, and Galvatron's face appeared on the monitor.

"Autobots, traitor, prepare to be destroyed!" Galvatron growled.

Jazz glared at Octane "You had to say it didn't you? You just had to say it!"

In response, Octane shrugged.

Suddenly, several long, hard tubes shot out of the _Revenge _and pierced the skin of Octane's ship, ejecting Decepticons into it...yeah, I purposefully wrote that sentence that way.

"Right, prepare to die!" Galvatron exclaimed, pointing his cannon at Sandstorm.

"Look, you don't understand-!" Jazz began.

"Oh, I understand! You Autobots are teaming up with the traitors to finish me off! Well it's not going to work!" Galvatron said smugly.

"Actually, we were just trying to stop Hot Rod from becoming the new leader of the Autobots." Arcee corrected.

There was a collective gasp amongst the Decepticons.

"What? Hot Rod wants to lead again?-!" A horrified Cyclonus gasped.

"Dear God no! Remember when he blew up the planet of Booze because we were vacationing there?" Blitzwing asked.

"Or the Planet of Sheer Awesome?" Thundercracker reminded them.

"That settles it! We cannot let Hot Rod take over! As much as it pains me to say it, we must team up with the Autobots!" Galvatron exclaimed.

"Huh, really? Because that will cost all of you extra..." Octane told them, holding out one hand.

In response, Arcee shoved him out of the airlock.

"Problem solved." Arcee said as she dusted her hands off and took the controls of the ship.

* * *

"Hey come on! Let me get past!" Hot Rod complained as he struggled to get past the two teams, plus some others who had joined them, such as Air Raid, Skydive, Hauler, Seaspray, Starscream's ghost, Warpath, Grapple and Skids.

"No!" Skydive snapped, kicking Hot Rod in the crotch.

"Argh!" Hot Rod grunted.

"Oh, nice one Skydive." Grapple complimented.

Suddenly, Octane's ship, still attached to the _Revenge _crashed through the roof of the base. Dirge, who had not been wearing his seatbelt, was thrown out of the windshield and crashed into Hot Rod, killing Dirge instantly.

"Jesus Christ!" Skids exclaimed.

"Ugh...what the hell is going on here?" Hot Rod asked as he struggled to get up.

"We're here to stop you from getting the throne!" Cyclonus cried as he and the others jumped out of the ship.

"Decepticons?" A confused Afterburner asked.

Sandstorm jumped down to join them "It's ok, they're with us."

"Oh...ok..." A still confused Afterburner replied hesitantly.

"You'll never...stop me from getting to that thrown!" Hot Rod snarled as he got up, ran and leapt over the barricade, before running towards the throne.

"Oh no! Somebody stop him!" Arcee cried out in horror.

Thinking quickly, Scrapper grabbed a chain and threw it at Hot Rod, stopping him. Walking up to him, Mixmaster transformed into a cement truck and began pouring cement on the annoying Autobot, trapping him.

"Well, I guess that's one problem solved, now what about Prime?" Sandstorm asked.

"We'll help you repair him." Hook told the others.

"Me too, many hands make light work!" Grapple exclaimed.

"Dude, that is the lamest thing ever." Long Haul told Grapple.

"Uh, sorry, I just-" Grapple began.

"Never mind that now! We've got a Prime to save!" Hauler cried as he joined up with his old teammates and rushed for Prime's room.

* * *

Hours later, Prime was back to normal and the Autobots and the Decepticons gathered around him.

"Glad to hear that you didn't let that uppity little bastard take over, little son of a bitch got me killed once." Prime commended the others.

"Yes, well, he's gone now." Cyclonus told his enemy.

"Yes...incidentally, where did you send him?" Optimus asked.

"Someplace where he'll never bother any of us again." Arcee reassured Optimus.

In the farthest regions of space.

Hot Rod sighed as the escape pod that he had been placed into orbited around a black hole. Suddenly, he passed another escape pod.

"Hey...You piss off the Autobots too?" Johnny Evilguy asked as he passed Hot Rod's own escape pod.

* * *

Sparky: End of chapter! End of chapter! Ah, well, that's that then! I'm done so now I can enjoy some time off!

Ashlyn: All you ever do is fawn over Jenny and drink at the bar.

Sparky: Well...gotta have something to do.

Ashlyn: Sigh. Just finish it off so we can go.

Sparky: Oh, yeah, right. We all hope that you enjoyed the following fic, don't forget to leave a review, and finally...thanks for reading!


	26. Jazz and the Chocolate Factory part I

James: Greetings citizens, and welcome to yet another chapter of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 26. As per the usual, the Author is forced to admit that he does not own The Transformers, not does he own any of the Transformers characters...huh? No interruptions?

Crystal: He's not here.

James: Huh? Why not?

Crystal: He said something about going off to buy supplies for a camping trip...

James: Oh...huh, he doesn't strike me as the camping type...

Crystal: Well surprise, surprise, he is.

James: Huh...But isn't he some kind of uber nerd who listens to a weird mix of Linkin Park, Queen and Utada Hikaru?

Crystal: Yep.

James: Oh...well, anyway, without further ado, the Author also wished me to tell you to please enjoy the following tale, don't forget to write a review when you've finished, and finally...Thanks for reading! Ciao citizens!

* * *

In the Decepticon Base, Galvatron was pulling some sort of bullshit that was irritating Cyclonus.

"I have decided to become a Satanist!" Galvatron cried as he covered himself in black paint and tattooed an inverse cross on his forehead.

Cyclonus sighed and massaged his brow "Oh God damn it Galvatron, this is just ridiculous!"

"Nuh uh! This fanfic told me that if I were to go Goff, I would become unstoppable!" Galvatron protested.

"And was this fanfic filled with enough spelling errors to get Microsoft Word to give up on it?" Cyclonus asked, frustrated.

Galvatron thought about it, stroking his chin "...Huh, yeah it did..."

"See? It's never a good idea to get ideas from crappy internet literature! And-Why do you have an upside down cross on your head?"

"Because it's totally satanic!" Galvatron exclaimed.

Cyclonus groaned in frustration "No it's not you idiot!"

"Yes it is!" Galvatron countered.

"Christ, are you thick? The upside down cross is the symbol of Saint Peter, who wanted to be crucified upside down because he didn't feel worth enough to be crucified in the same manner as Jesus!" Cyclonus explained.

There was an awkward silence between the two.

"Wow, I didn't know the Author knew this much about religion..." Galvatron said, finally breaking the silence.

"Yeah...me either..." Cyclonus muttered.

Suddenly, Soundwave burst in.

"EXCITED ANNOUNCMENT: ATTENTION! ATTENTION! CRITICAL INFORMATION INCOMING!" Soundwave shouted, arms flailing before he transformed and tuned into a radio station.

"...And in other news, the Wiley Watcher Chocolate Factory will be holding a competition where six lucky people will receive a tour of his famous chocolate factory. To win this fantaboulous prize, participants will need to find one of six Golden Skulls hidden in random Wiley Watcher products. Winners will be allowed to bring up to two companions and-" An announcer read, before Soundwave cut him off by transforming back.

"PROCLOMATION: WE MUST FIND THE GOLDEN SKULLS!" A determined Soundwave said, clenching his hand into a fist.

"...Why?" Cyclonus asked.

"Because, I've always wanted to see the inside of that place! Ever since that last tour was held and those children were mysteriously mutilated, I've dreamed of entering those walls and seeing what sorts of wondrous torture devices that man must have!" Galvatron revealed.

"Uh, torture devices?" Cyclonus questioned "Galvatron, the man owns a candy factory, I don't think-"

"He must have torture devices! How else did he viciously stretch that boy into a paper thin freak? Or make a chocolate-boy hybrid?" Galvatron asked.

"...Really bad caretaking?" Cyclonus suggested.

"No! Torture! I must meet this man, and I must find his torture devices!" Galvatron exclaimed, before moving over to the base's PA system "Attention all Decepticons! Cease all activity! I have a new objective for all of you! You are to go out, steal all the Wiley Watcher products and search them for Golden Skulls! The first one to do so gets a half day off!"

And with that, the Decepticons began scrambling to find the golden skulls.

"Oh dear God..." Cyclonus muttered, massaging his forehead.

* * *

Elsewhere, even the Autobots were getting in on the hunt for the Golden Skulls.

"Hurry men, we can't let those damn Decepticons get their grimy fingers on my Golden Skulls!" Optimus shouted as he and the other Autobots ran through their local supermarket, looting all the Wiley Watcher merchandise.

Cerebros was scanning every bar of chocolate in search of the skulls, discarding the negatives, Red Alert was using a metal detector, Jetfire was harassing the cashiers, attempting to threaten them into telling them were the skulls were and Cosmos was...sitting down in a huge pile of chocolate, shovelling it all into his gigantic mouth.

"Oh God damn it Cosmos! Quit eating the products! What if you eat the skulls?" Hound snapped.

"I won't!" Cosmos replied...before burping up a skull, which went flying into the air and impacted into Dirge's skull as he stepped through the door, killing him instantly.

All of the Autobots froze and stared at the skull.

"Get it! Get it!" Springer cried as he dived for it.

"I saw it! It's mine!" Octane snarled as he elbowed Sludge in the face.

"Get out of way or me Slag make your head into ashtray again!" Slag roared as he ambled past Octane as he was clambering to get past the Dinobots.

"Mineminemineminemine!" Sunstreaker chanted as he frothed at the mouth.

Suddenly, Cosmos flew ahead of them all while in saucer mode, dropped down, transformed back and picked up the skull.

"Yoink!" He exclaimed as he snatched it away from Seaspray, crushing him in the process "I found it, so I get to go!"

There was a collective groan as the Autobots all looked on at Cosmos in disappointment.

"Wait, he still gets to pick two people to go with him!" Sandstorm exclaimed with joy.

"Who you pick Cosmos? Me Swoop?" Swoop asked expectantly as he leaned forward, placing his hand atop Omega Supreme's head.

"Hmmm..." Cosmos thought about it as he rubbed his chin "I pick...Hauler!" Cosmos announced "You can help me carry all the candy I'm gonna get!"

"Yes!" Hauler shouted as he leapt up into the air.

Optimus cursed "Damn it! Now there are only...uh...three more skulls left!"

"Five sir." Jazz corrected with a sigh.

* * *

Elsewhere...

"Success!" Drag Strip cried out as he jumped out of a massive pile of chocolate wrappers, holding a golden skull aloft in one hand.

"Woot!" Galvatron cheered "And you're going to take me, right?"

Motormaster suddenly stepped up behind Drag Strip and pointed a gun at the back of his head.

"Sorry Galvatron, but he promised me he'd take me, right Drag Strip?" Motormaster asked, cocking his gun for emphasis.

"Uh right!" Drag Strip nervously agreed.

"But he can take two people!" Galvatron protested.

"...He's taking Dead End." Motormaster added.

"But I don't want to go!" Dead End protested.

In response, Motormaster cocked his gun.

Dead End sighed "Fine...I'll go get my bags..."

"Oh God damn it! Who's going to find the next Golden Skull?" Galvatron asked himself.

* * *

"I want the Golden Skull now daddy!" Mirage pouted.

"Yes, yes dear, I'm doing my best to find it." Lord Straxus, Mirage's father assuaged his son as they stood inside the family Lugnut factory.

"Now! Now, now, now, now, now!" Mirage screamed.

"Yes alright, I'll get you the friggin' skull." Straxus assured, before turning back to his workers and pulling out a rifle "Right, you have five minutes to find that skull, or else I start shooting."

And with that, the workers began frantically going through mountains of chocolate, desperately hoping not to get shot by their insane employer or his idiot son.

Suddenly, one of the workers, a rusted out Empty by the name of Telus, stumbled upon something hard and shiny. Eyes wide with shock, he realised it was the Golden Skull. Eyes shifting back and forth, he made to slip it into a hidden compartment in his stomach.

It was at this point that he was shot by one of the factory's security guards, a Seeker called Ferak.

"That's some good murder there Ferak." Straxus complimented his demented Seeker henchman.

"Telus, no!" Rotorbolt cried, kneeling over his friend's corpse.

"Silence him!" Mirage yelled, pointing at Rotorbolt.

So, Ferak aimed and fired. Moments later, a cry was heard as someone doubled over in pain, smoke pouring from his wound.

"Well, that was the wrong guy, but I think he got the idea." Mirage said, waving his hand slightly "Anyway, bring the skull to me!"

"Well, who will you choose to accompany you?" Straxus asked.

Mirage shrugged before replying "Eh, I'll bring Ferak and Starscream's ghost, they can carry my stuff for me!"

"Good idea! You hear that Ferak? You get to lug my son's stuff around all day through a gigantic factory!" Straxus called out.

"Oh...goody..." Ferak muttered, beating a helpless Empty for the hell of it.

* * *

Inside the Decepticon base, a large group of reporters were crowding around Shockwave and Galvatron, clambering to get a view of Shockwave's recently discovered Golden Skull.

"Shockwave! Shockwave! How did you find the Golden Skull?" A reporter called out.

"Well, it was somewhat simple for a genius of my calibre to do so. All I did was [Insert Technobabble here], and that was it!" Shockwave explained.

"Of course! Genius!" The reporter exclaimed with wonder.

"And who will you take with you?" A second reporter asked.

"Why, me of course!" Galvatron cried, putting his arm around Shockwave.

"Uh...sure..." Shockwave replied uncertainly.

"And how did the chocolate bar taste?" Reporter number three asked.

In response, Shockwave shrugged "I don't know, I can't eat chocolate, no mouth."

* * *

In the Autobot base...

"Well it's a good thing you're going to a chocolate factory then, you mouthless little bas-!" Gears ranted at the TV, only to be pushed aside by Jazz.

"Alright men, there are only two Golden Skulls left, so let's get searching! Move, move, move!" Jazz commanded, sending the others in a motivated frenzy.

"Wait! I think I found something!" Groove called out, alerting the others.

Everyone rushed to see the Skull...and were all horribly disappointed to see that it was bronze, not gold.

"Groove ya idjit! This ain't no Gold Skull! It's Bronze!" Cog snapped as he looked at the skull.

"Well...what do I win?" Groove asked.

"Hmmm..."Congratulations dear customer, you have won a trip for five to the _USG Ishimura"_!" Jazz read aloud.

"...Aw, son of a bitch!" Groove cursed.

"What the hell's so great about a big dumb spaceship anyway! We've already got one of those!" Hot Spot complained, motioning to Fortress Maximus.

"I can fly with my Pegasus Boots!" Fortress Maximus exclaimed as he leapt into the air with all the grace of a drunken whale...and promptly crushed Beachcomber, Tracks, Goldbug and Smokescreen.

"Uh...maybe it'll be fun...maybe..." Streetwise said with a shrug.

* * *

And elsewhere again...

"Whee! I found the fifth skull! All bow before me!" Skywarp commanded as he presented his skull.

"Where did you get it? I didn't see you buy a single bar!" Thundercracker pointed out.

"I stole it from the factory that produced them!" Skywarp announced.

"Wait, what? Well why didn't you say so until now?" Thundercracker asked.

"I didn't want the company that made them to get suspicious, so I waited a little while before I announced it!" Skywarp told him.

"Huh...you are a despicable person, you know that right?"

"Yep!"

* * *

On the streets, Jazz sighed. Now there was only one Golden Skull left, and although he had displayed no obvious interest to find it before this sentence, he desperately yearned to find it.

Suddenly, he heard a cry of joy. Looking around, Jazz saw Daniel and some of his friends all crowding around outside of a candy shop.

"Wahoo! I just found the last Golden Skull bitches! You can all just suck it! Especially you Sara!" Daniel gloated.

"Screw you Daniel." Sara replied, glaring at her so called friend.

"Are you still mad that she beat the living hell out of you because you wouldn't stop calling her a minor character?" Rhonda asked Daniel.

"What? No, it has absolutely nothing to do with that! Other than the fact that yes, it has everything to do with that!" Daniel screamed, gnashing his teeth in a psychotic fury.

Sara sighed in annoyance.

"Say...Is that a Golden Skull Daniel?" Jazz asked as he moved close.

"Why, it sure is!" Daniel replied, beaming.

"Wold you...mind if I held it...to make sure it's real and not some cheap fake?" Jazz offered.

"Why sure buddy!" Daniel exclaimed, handing the Autobot his Skull.

It was at this point that Jazz ran off, skull in hand.

"Uh...Daniel-?" Schrader began.

"Not now man, I'm waiting for Jazz to get back with my skull! He'll be back any minute!" Daniel shushed his friend.

* * *

Hours later, the sun had gone down, and Jazz was standing alongside Sara, who was basking in Daniel's ignorance.

Finally, having enjoyed Daniel's sheer stupidity long enough Sara said to Daniel "Daniel, you are without a doubt, the dumbest person I have ever had the misfortune to meet...luckily, karma hates you almost as much as I do, so...nyeh!" Sara stuck out her tongue as she walked off.

"Any...minute now..." Daniel repeated, very tired, finally collapsing from exhaustion.

* * *

James (?): And...end of chapter 26! Wait, that's it? He ends just as the sixth skull is found? It's another two parter? What a rip off! I feel terribly cheated here! The next chapter had better be twice as long to make up for this travesty! Boo! Boo I cry!

James: What the-? Operative Demi, what are you doing here?

Ashlyn: I was filling in while you visited the vending machine...and I was doing a very good job.

James: You were sabotaging the Author again, weren't you?

Ashlyn: Maybe...

James: Sigh. Anyway, now that I'm back, please feel free to ignore Demi's comments and make up your own mind. Whether you liked it or loathed it, I hope you'll return to see the next chapter! Until then...ciao!


	27. Jazz and the Chocolate Factory part II

Aku: Greetings pitiful mortals, and welcome to yet another instalment of They Just Don't Care Anymore.

Crystal: Uh, aren't you going to tell him how to correctly announce the series?

Author: Are you freaking kidding me?-! Do you remember what happened to the last guy who talked to Aku?

Crystal: Oh yeah...poor Avrute...

Aku: As usual, the Author wishes to express that he does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any characters that are associated with The Transformers...would you like to say something?

Author: Eep! N-no!

Aku: Very well then. Proceed to the story, and remember to enjoy and review...or else! Oh, and thank you for reading.

James: Alright, I was supposed to open this! I demand that you tell me who replaced me so that I may give them a piece of my mind! It was Aqua wasn't it? Oh that little-!

Author: Actually, it was him.

Aku: Hello James, do you have some sort of problem with this arrangement?

James: Eep! I-Uh...Ooooh...

Thud!

Author: Wow, he just fainted in sheer terror!

Aku: And let that be a lesson to all of you...do not insult or otherwise enrage me. On to the story.

* * *

Outside of the Wiley Watcher chocolate factory, a large group of humans, Autobots and Decepticons were standing outside, waiting for the mysterious owner to come out and greet the six winners of the Golden Skull competition.

"This is pointless, why did you invite me to join you?" Cyclonus asked Jazz.

"Well, because one, you're my best friend, two, there is no way I'd ever invite Optimus, three, we need at least one reasonably sane person here and four...no, that was about it actually..." Jazz responded.

"Huh...thanks...I guess..."

"Look! Here he comes!" Sara cried out as a small figure stepped out of the factory gates.

A massive cheer went out as Wiley Watcher made his first public appearance in years. Oh it was a glorious sight, let me tell you.

"Hello everyone! Are you ready to tour my factory?" Wiley Watcher asked, shouting to be heard over the roaring crowd.

"YES!" The crowd responded.

"Well that's just too freaking bad! Because only six people, plus their chosen friends will be taking a look inside! Not only that, but they'll all be signing confidentiality wavers, so they can never tell anyone what glorious secrets went on in here! So screw you everyone one else, and get the hell off my propitah!" Wiley Watcher told his crowd, still wearing that insane grin.

"I-What?" A stunned crowd goer asked.

"Well, that didn't work...oh well, break out the hoses!" Wiley Watcher cried out, turning to look over his shoulder.

At once, jets of water came shooting out of nowhere, knocking everyone away...everyone who wasn't a twenty foot tall transforming robot that is.

"Right, come on then!" Wiley Watcher beckoned to the surprised Transformers.

"Dude, this guy is screwed up!" Hauler whispered to Ferak, who nodded in response.

"Welcome, welcome! I'm sure you're all anxious to start the tour, right?" Wiley Watcher asked.

"Well, we were, until you hosed down all those people..." Thundercracker replied, looking around at all the soggy, groaning people.

Wiley Watcher laughed "Of course I did! Now come on!" There was a silence, during which nobody moved "I said...Come...On!"

At once, the Autobots and Decepticons began scrambling after the lunatic.

"Ok, so we've got a lot of ground to cover, so let's start with the introductions...ah, you!" Wiley Watcher exclaimed, pointing to Skywarp.

"Uh, hi, I'm Skywarp, I love long walks on the beaches, bouquets of flowers, chocolate and pissing on hospitality!" Skywarp answered.

"Pissing on hospitality?" A weirded out, mildly disgusted Wiley Watcher asked.

"Oh, well it's where you-" Skywarp began, only for Dirge to cut him off.

"No! Let's not get into that again!" Dirge cried, waving his arms about frantically.

"Ah, and you must be Skywarp's guest?" Wiley Watcher enquired.

"Yes, me and Thundercracker." Dirge answered, motioning to himself and Thundercracker.

"Oh good, then we can skip his introduction then!" Wiley Watcher said gleefully, cutting Thundercracker off as he opened his mouth to speak.

"I'm Mirage, and I'm the richest person here!" Mirage exclaimed.

"No you're not." Wiley Watcher countered.

"Yeah I am."

"No, you're not."

"Am so!"

"Are not!"

"Oh, ok then...you're disqualified from this tour, goodbye!" Wiley Watcher said with a manic smile.

"...What?"

"Goodbye!" Wiley Watcher said as he pulled a nearby lever which inexplicably appeared next to him.

Instantly, the ground under Mirage shot up, propelled by a spring. Mirage was sent screaming into the air by the force.

"Jesus Christ dude!" Ferak exclaimed in horror.

"So...I don't have to carry around his stuff?" Starscream's ghost asked hopefully.

"No you stupid freak! It means that Lord Straxus is going to horribly murder us!" Ferak snapped.

At this, Starscream's ghost burst into tears.

"Five...four...three...two...and one!" Wiley Watcher counted down.

Suddenly, Mirage came hurtling back to Earth, crushing Dirge under his weight, killing him in an agonizing way.

"Mirage!" Ferak exclaimed, rushing over to his employer's son.

"So...he's not ejected from the tour?" Cyclonus asked.

Wiley Watcher laughed "Of course not! It's much too early for him to be eliminated!"

Needless to say, everyone was unnerved by the comment.

"Alright! Let's move on to the first stop on the tour! The chocolate room!" Wiley Watcher announced as he kicked down a gigantic set of doors.

The group stood in awe at the sight before them.

It was a huge room filled with all sorts of sweets and chocolates. Chocolate bunnies roamed peacefully, as giant gummi bears and strange people made out of cake frolicked merrily amongst lollipop trees and liquorice vines. Most impressive of all however was the chocolate river and waterfall that snaked through the room, eventually leading into a dark tunnel on the other side of the room.

"Wow...is this a chocolate ecosystem?" Jazz asked.

"Correct! See, I biogenetically engineered certain plants and animals to contain sugary substances! See, there's chocolate bunnies, gummi snakes and bears and even the Humanakes!" Wiley Watcher exclaimed joyfully.

"Humanakes?" Shockwave questioned.

"Why yes! People cross bred with cakes! See, over there?" Wiley Watcher pointed out.

"Kill me..." A being made out of cake, save for its arms and legs (which were candy canes) pleaded in a raspy voice.

Wiley Watcher laughed as the others looked on in shock.

"I knew it! He does have a torture chamber!" Galvatron exclaimed, leaning over to Motormaster.

"Damn...I want one of those cake people...they would make excellent slaves...excellent, delicious slaves!" Drag Strip muttered, licking his nonexistent lips.

"Whoa! What are those strange creatures over there?" Mirage asked, pointing to a grassy hillock.

All the others turned to see. Atop the hillock was...Blackjack, smoking a cigar and wielding a circular saw which he was using to chop down a gumdrop tree.

"Why those are my Micromasters! They do all of my work for less than minimum wage!" Wiley Watcher answered, a disturbing looking grin plastered on his face.

"Wait, Micromasters? I thought you used Oompa Loompas?" Dead End asked, perplexed.

Wiley Watcher gave an uncharacteristic scowl "I had to let them go when they demanded actually pay instead of cocoa beans...ungrateful bastards..."

"That's awful!" Galvatron gasped in horror.

"Well that and...I had them perform in Gladiatorial death matches against Whangdoodles, Snozzwangers, Hornswogglers and Vermicious Knids...So I replaced them with the Micromasters, who work for the crap I find between my toes."

Motormaster chuckled "Stupid little freaks."

"Wait, so...what happened to the Oompa Loompas?" Cyclonus asked.

"Oh, they're picketing out the back." Wiley answered, making a vague motion with his hand.

* * *

"Dey terk mah jerb!" One Oompa Loompa shouted as he pelted the chocolate factory with tomatoes.

"Dey terk yer jerb!" Another orange skinned, green haired little creep cried out in anger as he too pelted the chocolate factory with rotten eggs.

* * *

"...So please feel free to run amok in this room, because remember, everything in this room is eatable!" Wiley Watcher reminded them.

"Everything?" Cosmos asked, eyes shining in anticipation.

"Yes, everything my pudgy, grotesquely overweight friend!" Wiley Watcher said with a mean spirited chuckle.

"Sweet! Hauler, get over here!" Cosmos ordered his partner.

"Yes?" Hauler asked hesitantly.

"Start picking up everything in sight! I want this whole room!"

"But I don't think I can-" Hauler began, only to be sent flying from a blow from one of Cosmos' oversized hands.

"Do as I say, or I shall feast upon your soul!" Cosmos roared.

"Can you...can you actually do that?" Hauler questioned, looking doubtful.

To answer his question, Cosmos opened his mouth. A harsh wailing sound could be heard as ghostly hands tried to claw their way out of Cosmos' jaws.

"That answer your question?" Cosmos replied as he snapped his mouth shut, silencing the spirits of the damned.

"Eep! I'll get your chocolate right away!" Hauler squealed as he ran off.

* * *

Not far away, Jazz, Cyclonus and Shockwave were talking amongst themselves.

"Didn't this place used to be called the Willy Wonka chocolate factory?" Jazz asked.

"Hmm...according to my databanks it was up until four years ago, when Wonka mysteriously disappeared, at which point this Wiley Watcher showed up to take control." Shockwave replied.

"So...do you think that this Watcher guy killed Wonka and usurped his position?" Jazz asked.

"Seems pretty likely to me." Cyclonus muttered, motioning for the others to look at Watcher.

The other two turned to see Wiley Watcher giggling maniacally as he pushed a gummi grizzly bear into the chocolate river. His glee only seemed to increase as the creature roared in panic as it was sucked under by the dense liquid.

"Ok...getting a little creeped out here." Jazz whispered.

"I predict a 76% probability that Watcher will attempt to murder us." Shockwave informed the others.

* * *

And elsewhere...

"Wow, this is impressive!" Ferak muttered appreciatively as he, Dead End and Motormaster came upon a glass panel set in the floor.

Through it, they could see an entire city set up for the Micromasters. Men, women and children all scurried about throughout the city, and the cake people seemed to serve and attend to their every whim.

"I wonder how big this place is?" Dead End asked aloud.

"Oh it's quite big, let me tell you!" Wiley Watcher cried as he popped up out of nowhere, causing the Decepticon trio to jump in fright "Yep, this place stretches for miles, why, if you were to get lost, no one would ever hear your screams for help! No one." Wiley Watcher whispered into a shaking Motormaster's ear, dragging his tongue along it, before walking off.

"We are so screwed." Motormaster whispered in fear, to which Dead End and Ferak nodded.

* * *

Hauler walked up to Drag Strip, dragging a ridiculous amount of chocolate with him.

"Hey man...have you seen Cosmos anywhere around here?" Hauler panted as he came to a stop.

"No, I haven't seen him since he ran off to-" Drag Strip was suddenly cut off by a panicked cry.

Instantly, everyone whirled around to see Cosmos shoving Highwatch, Seajumper and Storm Cloud into his mouth.

"What the hell is going on?-!" An enraged Wiley Watcher screamed at Cosmos.

"Uh ust eting or orkirs!" Cosmos mumbled through a mouthful of Micromaster.

"What?" Wiley Watcher asked.

"Uh...he said "I was just eating your workers"." Hauler translated.

"Oh God damn it! Well what the hell were you thinking?-!"

Cosmos spat out the Micromasters to answer "Hey man, you said everything in this room was eatable!"

"Well I didn't mean the freaking slaves too!" Wiley Watcher protested.

"Hey, if you didn't want me eating your slaves, you should have been clearer!" Cosmos countered, turning to walk off...before falling into the chocolate river.

"Uh...aren't you going to do anything?" Mirage asked.

"Not particularly, little bastard mouthed off to me." Wiley Watcher replied, not taking his gaze off of the floundering Cosmos.

The group suddenly heard a loud droning noise and turned to see a gigantic claw machine floating over to the spot where Cosmos was. Hovering over him, it scooped him up and carried his unconscious form away.

"Where is it taking him?" Hauler asked, not feeling particularly worried to whatever Cosmos' fate might be.

"To the boiler room, it's where we take all of the objects that fall into the river, we put them in our wildly popular "Wiley Watcher Mystery Bars"!" Wiley Watcher explained.

"Ew..." Hauler muttered.

"Hey, I think those little men are about to sing!" Skywarp exclaimed, pointing to one of the Micromasters.

"No we're not!" Nightflight called back.

"Ahem!" Wiley Watcher cleared his throat and gave the Micromasters a stern glance.

"Oh fine!"

_Cosmos the fatass ate way too much_

_Cosmos the fatass didn't die quite as such_

_Instead he got grabbed by a big mechanical claw_

_And soon Cosmos the fatass will not be no more! _

Wiley Watcher suddenly turned on Hauler "I bet you don't want him to get turned into chocolate, do you? I bet you want to save your friend?"

"Not particularly, I don't-"

"Well lucky you! There's still time for us to stop him from being melted down into scrap and lard flavoured chocolate! I'll have Groundpounder escort you to the boiler room!"

An overall wearing Micromaster suddenly popped up besides Hauler and dragged him away.

"But I don't-! Aw, damn it!" Hauler cried out as Groundpounder led him away.

Wiley Watcher suddenly clapped, bringing the others out of their daze "Right! Let's continue with the tour, shall we?"

"Wait, there's more? After we just saw Cosmos get forcibly taken away by a situation that was caused by your negligence?" Dead End asked.

"Why of course! If I stopped the last tour every time something bad happened to one of the contest winners, then I would have never stumbled across that one, very special child!" Wiley Watcher exclaimed, a crazed look in his eye.

"Uh...ok then..." A disturbed Ferak said, pulling Mirage away from the lunatic.

"Now! Let us continue! To the boat!" Wiley Watcher cried, walking over to a dock near the river.

"Oh my God..." Jazz muttered upon seeing the boat they were supposed to take.

The boat appeared to be an old fashioned rowing boat, with horrific designs painted onto the sides in red, such as people fleeing from storms, demons devouring people and John Goodman as he appeared in _Blues Brothers 2000_. The boat's figurehead was equally horrific, as it featured a bloody skeleton with a blindfold around its sockets, clutching a sword in its bony fingers and bore a metal crown with inwards facing spikes.

"Is anyone else beginning to think that we've wandered onto the set of _Eternal Torment?"_ Jazz asked, looking around.

"Then any moment now Bug Eyes is going to come up and use his Demon Claws to tear out our souls...sigh, I knew it..." Dead End muttered.

Wiley Watcher laughed as he stepped into the boat "Come now children, let us leave this place and continue on our journey, we still have much to see!"

Nobody moved.

Wiley Watcher twitched "I said...GET ON THE BOAT!"

Everyone scrambled to get on the boat.

Once on it, the remaining members of the group were disturbed to see Micromasters chained to their seats in the lower deck as they manned the oars.

"This is getting freakier and freakier..." Cyclonus whispered to Jazz, who nodded in response.

"Hey, is that a tunnel coming up?" Drag Strip asked.

"Oh, your genius levels of perception amaze us! Bravo!" Motormaster said sarcastically as the boat approached a large, dark tunnel.

"Round the world and home again! That's the sailor's way!" Wiley Watcher said as he sat atop his throne, a large, skull encrusted seat "Faster, faster, faster, faster!"

The boat began to pick up speed as it entered the tunnel. The lights went out and the walls of the tunnel seemed to flicker strangely.

"What's happening?" Mirage gasped as Starscream's ghost whimpered.

The group jumped as Wiley Watcher began to sing.

_There's no earthly way of knowing  
Which direction we are going  
There's no knowing where we're rowing  
Or which way the river's flowing_

Suddenly, the walls of the cavern began to light up in red, green and blue.

_Is it raining, is it snowing  
Is a hurricane a–blowing_

"What is-?" Ferak asked, when a skull suddenly flashed up on the wall.

The group screamed as more horrific images showed up: Snakes, zombies, Rosie O'Donnell, enough to drive a man to madness.

_Not a speck of light is showing  
So the danger must be growing  
Are the fires of Hell a–glowing  
Is the grisly reaper mowing_

He began to pick up speed.

_Yes, the danger must be growing  
For the rowers keep on rowing  
And they're certainly not showing  
Any signs that they are slowing_

"Holy shit dude!" Drag Strip screamed in panic.

"We're all going to die!" Skywarp sobbed.

"I knew it! I knew it!" Galvatron cried out excitedly.

Ferak struggled to stand up as the boat rocked back and forth "Watcher! This has gone on long enough, I want you to stop this thing! Stop!"

"Quite right sir, stop the boat!" Wiley Watcher commanded, causing the boat to somehow screech to a halt.

Dirge, unprepared for the sudden stop, was promptly hurled out of the boat, where he drowned in the chocolate river.

"Now, let's continue!" Wiley Watcher said, ignoring Dirge's death.

"Yeah...we're definitely in _Eternal Torment_!" Cyclonus panted as he got off the boat.

Thundercracker began retching.

* * *

"Ah, and here we have the Wiley Watcher Power Shake line!" Wiley Watcher directed his guests to a pair of Micromasters, Hub and Motorhead, who were standing in front of a display for a brand of power shake.

"Do you wanna feel better?" Hub asked.

"Are you tired of not being better?" Motorhead added.

"Do you feel worse than better?"

"For better or worse, you'd rather feel better, right?"

"Oh my God..." Jazz muttered as he began to massage his aching head.

"Well now you can!" Hub exclaimed joyously.

"How?" Motorhead questioned, only to immediately answer himself "With this power shake! Guaranteed to make you feel better!"

"Do you need bulging quads?" Hub asked the crowd

"Power shake!" Motorhead answered for them.

"Rippling biceps?"

"Power shake!"

"Strong...uh...bits?"

"DRINK A GODDAMN POWER SHAKE!" Motorhead cried, slamming his fist down onto the display table.

"And what's more, this shake don't not contain no Aspinall!" Hub added, ignoring his partner's display of lunacy.

"That's right! There ain't not no Aspinall in these shakes!"

"So what are you waiting for? They're completely free!"

"Go on, take them! They're just $9.99!"

"Completely free!" Hub reassured.

"So buy them today! And remember, there ain't not no Aspinall!" Motorhead said with a smile.

"Warning, this shake may contain Aspinall." A mechanical voice blared.

"...Let's move on..." Wiley Watcher told the group, quickly steering them away.

"Where now Watcher?" Shockwave asked as he followed the demented chocolatier.

"Why, to the inventing room of course! It's where all the chocolate and candy concepts are created, and where we subsequently test them!" Watcher answered.

"I bet he's got all sorts of torture equipment in there." Galvatron murmured to Motormaster, who gulped in terror.

"And here we have it!" Wiley Watcher exclaimed as he stepped into a bright, shining room filled with drawing boards and strange devices.

"Ok Shockwave, you go left, I'll go right, those torture devices have got to be around here somewhere!" Galvatron whispered to his trusted lieutenant.

"...And here you can see my designs for the first ever soda powered cyborg super soldier!" Wiley Watcher said with a smile as he pointed to a set of blueprints depicting a suit of armour with numerous hoses connected to it.

"I'm-I'm sorry, but what does this have to do with making candy?" Dead End asked.

"Why, absolutely nothing! You see, I'm also connected with the military of a small Third World country called Latsovia, they pay me big bucks for manufacturing military hardware!"

Galvatron's eyes lit up "So you've also got heavy weaponry and military vehicles in here too?"

"Of course my good...uh, man."

"Sweet!" Galvatron muttered appreciatively.

"Hey, what's this thing over here?" Drag Strip asked as he walked over to a large machine.

"Why, that is the device I'm using to create a new strain of chewing gum! It'll be the first gum ever to be used as a weapon! See, it contains lots of little pieces of shrapnel, and when you make a bubble out of it, it pops and sprays deadly chunks of metal everywhere! It'll be the first ever Hand Grenade Gum...and I've got that name copyrighted, so don't even think about stealing it!" Wiley Watcher explained, turning to face the group.

"Weaponised gum eh? Drag Strip, take a piece and test it out!" Motormaster commanded.

"What?-! Why me?" Drag Strip asked "Why not Dead End."

"Because Dead End has no mouth." Motormaster replied.

"It's true, I don't." Dead End added as he removed his face plate...which he quickly covered with his hand.

"Move your hand." Drag Strip told Dead End.

Dead End shook his head in reply.

Drag Strip sighed "Fine, but if I die...I'm totally coming back to haunt you all!"

"Duly noted, now eat that gum!" Motormaster ordered, pointing at the gum.

Drag Strip muttered something incomprehensible under his breath as he strolled up to the gum making machine and snatched the Hand Grenade Gum it had produced. It was dark green and had a number of grooves etched into it, just like a real hand grenade.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Wiley Watcher asked, placing his hands on his hips as Drag Strip moved to put the gum in his mouth.

"Stealing your gum under the orders of my sergeant, what does it look like I'm doing?" Drag Strip snapped as he placed the gum in his mouth.

"Hey, not cool man! Spit that out!" Wiley Watcher commanded.

Drag Strip glanced at Motormaster, who shook his head "No can do."

"Drag Strip, I order you to spit that gum out immediately!" Shockwave commanded.

"Belay that order!" Galvatron ordered "I want to see what happens!"

"Don't do it man!" Thundercracker told Drag Strip.

"I bet he paints the wall with his head." Dead End muttered.

"Oh for the love of God spit it out!" Mirage pleaded.

"Wow...it tastes like...metal..." Drag Strip said through a mouthful of gum.

Wiley Watcher laughed, unnerving the others "Haha, yeah! Spit it out!"

"Huh...now it's getting spicy."

Wiley Watcher began sneaking away, before breaking into a run.

"Wait...something's happening..." Drag Strip said, causing the others to throw themselves onto the floor.

It was at this point that Drag Strip's fuel tank exploded, causing a thick pink liquid that smelled of metal and mint to shoot out. Soon, more liquid began to fly out of Drag Strip's mouth, and some even began to seep out of his eyes.

"What did I say? Huh, what did I frickin' say would frickin' happen?-!" Wiley Watcher screamed as he walked back to the group.

"Well, you didn't actually warn us at all...in fact, before Drag Strip stole the gum, you never even warned us to stay away from it." Dead End replied.

"What part of Hand Grenade Gum doesn't sound dangerous?-!"

"Well...what are we going to do about Drag Strip?" Motormaster asked, motioning to Drag Strip, who was still leaking pink goo.

"We've got no choice but to drain him of all that gloop and de-gum his insides...it's not going to be pretty." Wiley Watcher said with a grimace, which quickly changed to a grin "But I won't be doing that, so I guess it's not my problem! Hey, Tread Bolt! Drop Shot! Get over here! We've got another de-gumming for you!"

The Micromasters grumbled as they approached the gum squirting Drag Strip.

"Hey, Growl, we've got another 2-19 up here..." Tread Bolt spoke into a walkie talkie "Yeah...uh huh...yes, Watcher did it again...can you get a de-gumming crew up here ASAP? Ok, good...yes, Tread Bolt out." Tread Bolt finished his conversation with Growl and put away his walkie talkie.

"And?" Motormaster asked.

"Well, Neutro and his de-gumming crew will be up here in about four minutes, so I guess we'd better get your friend prepped for the procedure." Tread Bolt replied.

"We?"

"Yeah, you caused this mess, so you can help clean it up!" Drop Shot snapped as he turned to face Motormaster.

"Well Dead End can help too then!" Motormaster said, grabbing Dead End as he tried to sneak off.

"Oh look, they're singing again!" Skywarp pointed out.

Drop Shot sighed "No we're-"

Wiley Watcher cleared his throat again.

Tread Bolt growled, before turning to the other Micromasters and shouting something at them.

_Micro-Master-Mastery-Do_

_I've got another brain teaser for you_

_What happens when you mindlessly follow orders?_

_Listening without question to some brain dead loser?_

_You'll one day wake up without all your organs, in some hotel across the border_

_Won't you look real stupid then?_

_Micro-Master-Mastery-Do_

_Here's a good tip from me to you_

_Don't obey to some idiot twit_

_Or you'll end up looking like quite...the...git!_

"Hey!" Motormaster protested, frowning at the Micromasters.

"Well it's true!" Drop Bolt said with a shrug.

"Well, on with the tour then!" Wiley Watcher piped up, pushing the others away from Drag Strip, Motormaster and Dead End.

* * *

"Next on our tour is the nut room!" Wiley Watcher announced as he led the remaining members of the group through a bright hallway that spiralled down.

"The nut room?" Thundercracker questioned.

"Why yes, the nut room! It's where we sort out the good nuts from the bad nuts! Only the best for our Wiley Watcher Nutty Goodness Bars and Wiley Watcher Big-Badda-Boom Dynamite!" Wiley Watcher explained.

"Dynamite?" Galvatron asked, excitement crawling into his voice.

"Why yes! It's a little known fact that peanut butter is actually a key ingredient in the making of dynamite!"

"Sweet!" Galvatron muttered.

"Ah, here we are!" Wiley Watcher announced as they entered a large, circular room.

The group was amazed at what they saw: Sitting on small stools were dozens of five foot tall, blue creatures with large gold eyes, oversized heads, tusks, snouts, two clawed hands and triple jointed legs. They were sitting in front of chutes from which nuts popped out, when they received the nuts they tapped them, and either discarded them by throwing them into a large pit or shelled them with their claws and placed them on a conveyor belt that encircled the room.

"What are they?" Mirage asked in wonder.

"Why these are the salamuttons, animals from a far off planet...or something I had the Micromasters biogenetically engineer, I forget which. You see, with their expert noses, fantastic eyesight and spectacular hearing, they are more than adapt for the process of shelling nuts!" Wiley Watcher answered.

"What does good smell and eyesight have to do with shelling nuts?" Ferak asked.

"Why they can smell the good nuts from the bad nuts, they can see hairline cracks in the shells that would indicate if the nuts have been tampered with-you wouldn't believe how many shipments of cyanide laced nuts we receive-and with their hearing, they can hear the nuts rattling around inside!"

"Damn!" Mirage exclaimed "Hey, I want one of those, how much?"

Wiley Watcher laughed "Why, silly little girl! These aren't for sale!"

Mirage bristled, "little girl"? "Look Watcher I am super freaking rich, I can buy you the moon if you want, just give me a salamutton!"

"As I said before, they are not for sale, you can't have one." Wiley Watcher replied calmly.

Mirage growled and turned to his chaperones "Ferak! Starscream's ghost! Make him give me a salamutton!"

Starscream's ghost turned and whistled while Ferak cleared his throat "Uh, sir? I really don't think it would be a good idea to piss this guy off, so far he's shown himself to be...less than stable..."

Now Mirage snarled "Fine then! If you pansies won't get me a salamutton, I'll just get one myself!"

And with that, Mirage stepped over the barrier separating the tour group from the salamuttons and strolled over to the nearest one.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you little girl!" Wiley Watcher called out.

"You're mine!" Mirage murmured as he approached the salamutton.

The salamutton turned to face Mirage. As he reached out to grab it however, it leapt at Mirage whacking his head with a claw. It seemed to listen closely, before calling out to its brethren, who all turned to face it.

"Wha-what's happening?" Mirage asked as the entire salamutton force swarmed around him.

"Well it seems as if they've deemed you a bad nut...and well, we all know what happens to bad nuts!" Wiley Watcher said with a demonic glee.

"What happens?" Ferak asked apprehensively.

"They get tossed into that big hole over there!" Wiley Watcher answered, pointing it out.

"And where does that go?" Starscream's ghost was beginning to sweat.

"To the incinerator!" Wiley Watcher murmured.

"Eep! Let me go!" Everyone turned to see the salamuttons carrying Mirage over to the big hole, before unceremoniously chucking him in.

"Ah!" Ferak cried as Starscream's ghost broke into tears "Oh man, we are so dead! When lord Straxus learns of this-!"

"Well, he may not be dead." Wiley Watcher broke in.

"What? Why not?"

"Well, it's quite possible that she simply got stuck in the hole, being that she's such an unusually large girl and all. If that were the case, then it would be a simple matter of you reaching in and pulling her out!" Wiley Watcher explained.

"Right" Ferak said with a nod, before turning to Starscream's ghost "Go pull him out."

"Me? Why can't you do it?" Starscream's ghost whimpered.

"Because you're expendable! Besides, think of what lord Straxus would do to us if he knew what happened..."

Starscream's ghost gulped, before walking through the barrier and up to the hole.

"I-I don't see him!" Starscream's ghost called out.

Ferak cursed "Damn it! Hold on, I've got a torch, I'll come and see!"

Ferak stepped over the barrier and walked up to the mouth of the hole.

It was quite unfortunate that neither he nor Starscream's ghost noticed the pair of salamuttons that were creeping up behind them until it was too late.

"Eh? What's it-Argh!" Ferak screamed as he was pushed into the pit.

"Aieeeeeee!" Starscream's ghost cried out as he too was shoved into the pit.

"My, my, my, territorial little critters, aren't they?" Wiley Watcher asked.

"Aren't you going to do something? Didn't you say that the pit led to the incinerator?" Thundercracker questioned.

"Well yes, but not to worry, we only light on every third Tuesday of the month, provided there's an orange moon." Wiley Watcher responded.

"But...it is the third Tuesday of the month and there IS an orange moon out tonight." Thundercracker revealed.

"Oh..." There was a slight paused "Well, there's always the chance that they decided not to light it today..." Wiley Watcher offered meekly.

Cyclonus sighed and rubbed his temples.

As if out of nowhere, another Micromaster showed up and whispered something into Wiley Watcher's ear.

"Really? Oh, good!" Wiley Watcher turned to his guests "I've just been informed by Phaser here that the incinerator's been broken due to a saboteur having broken it...with his charred corpse, so there should be two months worth of rubbish to break their fall!"

"Lucky them." Jazz muttered under his breath.

"Hey look, those funny little men are singing again!" Skywarp cried.

Phaser looked around in confusion "But I'm the only one here!"

Wiley Watcher cleared his throat.

Phaser glared at Wiley Watcher "Oh fine! But I demand a pay rise!"

In response, Wiley Watcher took of his shoe, dug into the space between his toes and flicked a piece of...something at Phaser "There, now start singing!"

_Oh my what a spoiled brat_

_Being treated like a Persian cat_

_That kind of attitude breeds greed_

_That sure isn't what we really need_

_Blame the parents the lazy bastards_

_Cause they sure are..._

"Uh...I'm not sure what rhymes with bastards..." Phaser said.

Wiley Watcher sighed "Never mind...let's continue with our tour, shall we?"

* * *

Aku: And now we are at the conclusion of the latest chapter, rest assured, this arc will be completed. Before we go, I would like to announce the opening of the newest poll on the Author's profile. You can vote for which minion you favour best. Although I dislike the term minion, I believe that you should vote for me...assuming you value your souls that is. That about does it from me, so I bid you adieu. I'll see you in your nightmares mortals.


	28. Jazz and the Chocolate Factory part III

Lisa: Hello, second in command Lisa here and ready to open this instalment of...They Just Don't Care Anymore! Chapter 28.

James: Second in command? I thought I was second in command!

Lisa: Nuh uh! I am, I've always been!

James: Grrr! I'm making a complaint!

Lisa: Go ahead little man!

James: Little...man...

Crystal: Uh oh, now she's done it.

James: ARGH!

Bam!

Pow!

Bort!

James: Oooh...Thud!

Lisa: That'll teach him. Anyway, please enjoy the following story, don't forget to leave a review and finally...thanks for reading! Ok, Crystal, can you get rid of your annoying boyfriend's unconscious body? He's blocking the door!

* * *

The seven remaining Transformers nervously followed their guide, Wiley Watcher through a twisting and winding corridor. Things had gotten weirder and weirder since the tour had started, the other eight Transformers had been "eliminated" as Watcher had said, through a combination of sheer stupidity and Watcher's own criminal negligence.

"Ah, and coming up we have the assembly line! Where we assemble the finest chocolates and weaponry known to man!" Wiley Watcher announced as he lead the group through a large doorway.

"Is it really a smart idea to produce and thermonuclear warheads in the same room?" Thundercracker asked as he stepped away from a missile head that was being carried by a pair of Micromasters.

"Not at all!" Wiley Watcher said with a creepy looking smile.

"Oooh, what does this button do?" Skywarp asked as his eyes settled on a gigantic red button.

"That button? Why it unleashed a magical parade of sheer win! Don't touch it though!" Wiley Watcher snapped, smacking Skywarp's hand with his cane.

"Ow! Why not?" A disappointed Skywarp questioned.

"Because I said so, and round these parts, I'm the boss and everyone has to do what I say...or else!" Wiley Watcher answered, still bearing a large and creepy grin.

"But...but I wanna push it!" Skywarp pleaded, rubbing his injured hand.

"Tough luck, what I say goes!" Wiley Watcher said, beginning to lose his smile.

"But I wanna! I wanna!" Skywarp screamed, beginning to tear up.

"Jeez, someone get this little brat a dummy or something, I think he's gonna cry! Is the little baby gonna cry?" Wiley Watcher taunted.

"Waaahhhh!" Skywarp cried.

"I'm sorry, but is this really necessary?" An increasingly angry Thundercracker asked.

"Of course it is! If I don't taunt the baby, who will?" Wiley Watcher asked as he began to poke Skywarp.

"This just seems cruel for the sake of being cruel!" Thundercracker pointed out, glaring at Watcher.

"And your point would be...?" Wiley Watcher questioned as he now started to weld Micromasters to Skywarp's leg.

"Please put me down." Blast Master requested.

"Waaahhhh! Waaahhhh!" Skywarp screamed, before running off deep into the bowels of the factory.

"Skywarp! Come back here! Oh God damn it!" Thundercracker cursed "Just my luck, the idiot's run off into Freddy Krueger's lair!"

In response, Wiley Watcher laughed "Oh that's funny! Yes, it does look a bit like Freddy Krueger's old haunt, doesn't it? All the steam jets and the narrow catwalks...I could rent this place out as a ride for tourists! Oh man, that'd be sweet!"

"Aren't you going to do something? He was in your care after all." Jazz pointed out.

"And if I don't?" Wiley Watcher asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Then I predict an 89% chance that Skywarp will win in the ensuing lawsuit." Shockwave spoke up.

Wiley Watcher stared for a moment, before turning to face his workers "Shit! I need all of you top find that little freak-!"

"Starscream's ghost? He's clogged up in the garbage disposal!" Sky High called out.

"Not that freak dumbass!" Wiley Watcher snapped "I'm talking about the purple freak! Skywarp!"

"Oh...on it boss!" Sky High answered as he ran off, taking Flak and Roadhogger with him.

"Now we just sit back and wait." Wiley Watcher said as he pulled out a deck chair.

"Help! Help!" They all heard Skywarp cry out.

"Hmm, that was much quicker than I expected...well done to me!" Wiley Watcher congratulated himself.

"Where is he then?" Cyclonus asked, crossing his arms.

"I, uh...don't know..." Wiley Watcher replied hesitantly.

"Oh for-! Skywarp, where are you?" Thundercracker yelled out.

"I don't know!" Skywarp called back.

Jazz sighed "Well, that was certainly very helpful, wasn't it?"

"What? How was that helpful? Man you Autobots are stupid!" An oblivious Galvatron complained.

Jazz sighed once more and began to massage his aching temples "I'm surrounded by idiots."

"Um, actually, Dirge and Galvatron are the only idiots left." Thundercracker pointed out.

Jazz looked around in surprise "Oh, so they are...how wonderful, perhaps now I can enjoy this tour!"

"Ahem!" Skywarp called out, sounding annoyed "I believe there's still the small matter of me being lost!"

"Oh, right...well, did you pass any noticeable features?" Cyclonus asked.

"Uh...two big statues of Axel from _Kingdom Hearts_, clutching wind and fire wheels." Skywarp replayed.

"Oh, that would be the entrance to the room where I make my famous chocolate Nobody range!" Wiley Watcher revealed.

Thundercracker sighed "All right, Dirge, you go and get him!"

Dirge spluttered in protest "Wha-? Why me?"

"Because you die on a regular basis and are therefore deemed expendable, so march mister!" Thundercracker ordered, pointing in the direction that Skywarp's voice was coming from.

Dirge grumbled something under his breath, before walking off.

"Ok, I'm at the entrance...but there's an intersection! Which way do I go?" Dirge called out.

Wiley Watcher frowned, and wrinkled his face up in concentration "Um, you want to go right, that's the way to the manufacturing room, but don't go left though, nosiree, that leads to the furnace!"

"Ok...I'm going right then...wish me luck...and stuff..." Dirge shouted.

Wiley Watcher placed a hand under his chin "Or was that right to go to the furnace and left to go to the manufacturing room?" Wiley Watcher asked himself.

"ARGH!" Dirge could be heard screaming "I'm burning to death!"

"Oh...question answered!" Wiley Watcher exclaimed triumphantly "Oh well, with Skywarp lost and Dirge's corpse melting in the furnace, why don't you remain behind Thundercracker and help my Micromaster slaves find your lost friend?"

"Nah, stuff him, I'm fine with continuing on with the tour." Thundercracker said nonchalantly.

"Oh...well alright then! On with the tour!" Wiley Watcher shrugged, before beginning to move off.

"Hey! Is that the sound of little tiny voices singing I hear?" Skywarp asked from...wherever it was that he was.

Wiley Watcher sighed "Fine! But this is the last song!"

With a very audible sigh of relief, the Micromasters banded together for the final time.

_Throwing tantrums is great when you're young_

_It gets you what crave, plus it's real fun_

_But when you try it on a mayor or an insane factory owner_

_Then prepare to get beat and lose your...uh, boner?_

"Moving on!" Wiley Watcher said quickly, pushing the remaining Transformers away.

* * *

"Ah, and here we have the TV room!" Wiley Watcher pointed out, showing them a huge white room with what appeared to be a gigantic camera and a big, enormous widescreen TV.

"And what exact purpose does this room serve?" Shockwave asked.

"I'll show you." Wiley Watcher replied as he donned a ridiculous white jumpsuit "See, I am working on a teleporter device where I beam my chocolate bars-and the occasional terrorist weapon-into televisions across the world-mostly foreign embassies-so that people can test taste them, and they'll see just how damn good my chocolate is!"

"But wouldn't that end up costing you millions in lost profits?" Jazz asked.

"And how does it work? I mean, does the fastest person get the chocolate, or are you somehow broadcasting millions of chocolate bars simultaneously?" Cyclonus questioned.

"And would this be a onetime only promotion deal or a daily occurrence? Because this ties in well with the previous questions." Shockwave pointed out.

"Enough!" Wiley Watcher screamed "I am not answering those questions because your logic scares and confuses me, so let's all just sit back and watch what happens shall we?"

And so, two Micromasters placed an oversized chocolate bar on top of a pedestal in front of the camera, which promptly lit up and zapped the chocolate bar, which disappeared in a sudden flash of light.

"Where'd it go?" Thundercracker asked.

"Look up." Wiley Watcher replied, motioning with his cane.

They all looked up to see millions of little pieces of...bits floating above them towards the TV screen.

"This...does not begin to make sense..." Shockwave said, stunned.

They all turned to see face the TV. A Micromaster sat down in front of it and turned it on. At once there was a bright lit, the screen lit up and...promptly exploded sending the Micromaster flying.

"We're uh...we're still working out some of the kinks..." Wiley Watcher told his stunned group.

"Incredible! With this sort of technology, I could rule the world!" Galvatron exclaimed "Shockwave! Go test it out!"

"...I am not doing that." Shockwave said flatly.

"Come on!" Galvatron whined.

"No."

"I'll be your best friend!"

"The answer is no Galvatron."

"Oh, you're mean!"

"What did I just say?"

"Ok, fine then! But at least steal it!" Galvatron commanded his tactical officer.

"Sir, do you really think it to be wise to steal from this deranged and mentally unstable lunatic?" Shockwave cautioned.

Galvatron seemed to think it over for a second before answering "Yep!"

Shockwave sighed "Oh, very well then."

So, Shockwave walked over to the teleporter device, uprooted it out of the floor and had it teleport itself into the Decepticon base.

"Hey! Just what the hell is going on here?-!" An enraged Wiley Watcher questioned.

"In your base, stealing your stuff!" Galvatron replied with a smirk.

"Oh God damn it! Just God damn it! That is the last straw!" Wiley Watcher snarled, stamping his feet.

"Oh, I'm so scared? What are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and whey they bark they shoot bees? Well I'm not afraid of you, do your worst!" Galvatron taunted, poking his tongue out at Watcher.

"Do my worst eh?" Wiley Watcher asked, before turning to a Micromaster "Bombshock, release the robotic Richard Simmons!"

"At once sir." Bombshock replied with a salute, before pulling a nearby lever.

At once, a hidden section of the wall came away and an automaton in crude Richard Simmons form came forth.

"Let's move those bodies ladies!" The subpar android squawked in a tinny voice.

"Aaaahhhh!" Galvatron screamed, before running off.

"We're done for!" Thundercracker cried in horror.

"Let's get out of here!" Jazz screamed.

"Ah, good, it seems that the mice are fleeing deeper into the mouse hole!" Wiley Watcher said as the Transformers fled in terror "Very good Bombshock, you may call it back now."

"Uh, I can't sir, it doesn't seem to be responding to my commands." A nervous Bombshock revealed.

"What? Quickly, get me my Oompa Loompa hunting rifle!" Wiley Watcher commanded.

Sunrunner quickly threw his lord and master the hunting rifle and watched as he raised the weapon.

"Eat lead!" Bombshock cried as Watcher fired, destroying most of the android's head.

"There, you see? A winner is me!" Wiley Watcher cried triumphantly, oblivious to the Richard Simmons drone rising up behind him.

"Watch out sir!" Big Daddy cried out in horror, throwing himself in front of his beloved tyrant.

The resulting massacre claimed the lives of over fourteen Micromasters. It was a dark day for them, and they marked it on their calendars as Robotic Richard Simmons Day, a day where they would mourn their dead and celebrate by kicking aerobics instructors in the crotch every time they passed one.

"Well that was..interesting..." An astonished Wiley Watcher murmured.

"Cough...sir...what should we do about the guests...hack!" Bombshock gasped as he clutched his gaping side wound.

"That? Oh, just reroute them towards the arena, with any luck, they'll perish at the mighty claws of a Hornswoggler." Wiley Watcher replied with a shrug.

"Cough...very good..sir...oooohhhh!" Bombshock breathed before passing out due to massive blood loss.

"Can somebody get a mop for this guy? He's bleedin' all over the damn floor!" Wiley Watcher called out.

* * *

The five remaining Transformers panted as they ran through the hallways.

"Ok, I think we lost 'em." Thundercracker gasped as he came to a halt.

"Well, where do we go now?" Jazz asked.

"Um...this way!" Cyclonus said, trying a door, which would not open.

"My logic sensors indicate that this would be an appropriate choice." Shockwave pointed out a big door that had exit painted on it.

Jazz tried it, only to find that it too was locked.

"Damn! Are any of these doors not locked?" Jazz asked.

"There's this one, but I don't think we wanna go there." Cyclonus said, pointing out a door with a sign above it that read "Death Arena".

"Death Arena? Sick dude! We have to go there!" Galvatron exclaimed.

"But Galvatron-!" Shockwave began, only to be cut off.

"Damn it man! We're going in there even if I have to kill you all and drag your carcasses with me!" Galvatron shouted, spittle flying from his mouth.

Cyclonus sighed "Fine! I'm sure it can't be any worse than Watcher!"

* * *

Chapter 15: It Got Worse

It Got Worse.

* * *

The group found themselves inside of a large arena with stands that were separated by a huge wire fence. Inside of the arena were all manner of vicious beasts fighting Micromasters.

"What's going on here?" Jazz asked.

A yellow Micromaster ran up to Jazz for the singular reason of answering his question "Watcher throws all the intelligent Micromasters down here because we won't accept his crappy deal! I, Detour, am the leader of the Micromaster resistance here!"

"Ok, so what sorts of things do you fight?" Cyclonus asked.

"Vicious beasts such as the Whangdoodles, Snozzwangers, Hornswogglers and Vermicious Knids!" Detour answered.

The group turned to see large, yellow, six legged pig beasts firing acid from their tails, furry, clawed, arachnid creatures with sucking proboscis, blue and red raptor like animals with second heads on their stomachs and giant, purple shapeshifting eggs.

"Damn dude..." A stunned Cyclonus muttered.

"I predict a 64% chance that we will perish." Shockwave said calmly.

"And if we throw Thundercracker at them as a sacrifice?" Galvatron asked.

"84% chance." Shockwave replied.

"Works for me!" Galvatron exclaimed.

"Hey!" Thundercracker protested.

"Please, we must work together if we are to survive!" Detour cried, trying to stop the fighting.

"Here's an idea..." Jazz broke in, snatching Galvatron's Fusion Cannon and blowing a hole in the side of the arena "Run like hell!"

"Works for me!" Detour shouted as he and his allies ran out the hole, closely followed by the Transformers, who were themselves followed by the arena predators.

* * *

In his private arena box, Wiley Watcher cursed "Shit! In retrospect, I probably should have taken their weapons away..."

"Ya think?" Grit asked snidely as he held a tray of snacks.

In response, Watcher shot him.

"Wait, where are they headed now?" A concerned Wiley Watcher asked.

Sledge brought out a map and studied it closely before replying "Well sir, according to this, they're headed for the base's power station."

Wiley Watcher's eye's shot open "Oh crap...we can't let them get there! Do something!"

"Well sir, that may be somewhat difficult, considering that every single monster from the arena escaped and is now hunting down and killing everything that moves, and then killing everything that doesn't move for good measure..." Sledge replied hesitantly.

In response, Watcher threw him out of the window of his private arena box.

* * *

Elsewhere, the five members of the tour group ran through a dimly lit corridor.

"Oh jeez, this has got to be the worst adventure ever!" Cyclonus panted.

"Yeah, well, at least it beats going to the _Ishimura _space station like the Protectobots did! That place is probably boring as hell!" Jazz replied.

"Huh, I wonder how they're doing?" Thundercracker asked.

"Maybe I'll give them a call..." Jazz murmured as he got out his cell phone and dialled the number "Hello, Groove?"

"Uh, yes? Who is this?" Groove asked as he picked up the phone.

"It's Jazz, I just called to see how your tour was going, ours is shit." Jazz told him.

"Oh, uh, our tour? It's uh...fine..." Grove replied uncertainly.

"Ready lurker? Kick the baby!" Jazz heard Blades' voice in the background.

"Don't kick the baby!" A young sounding voice gurgled.

"Kick the baby!" Blades insisted.

Seconds later, there was a loud whack sound.

"Huh, sounds pretty interesting over there." Jazz said.

"Uh, yeah, listen I gotta go we-" Groove began, only to be cut off.

"Oh my God! Look out, it's a Graverobber! Nooooo!" Jazz heard First Aide scream in pure terror, before the line cut off.

Jazz stared at the phone in surprise "Well that was...weird..."

"Hey, look!" Thundercracker called out "It's the factory's power plant!"

"If we can shut it down, then maybe we can get out of here!" Cyclonus exclaimed.

"Right, I predict a 95% chance of success." Shockwave said.

"Wahoo! Mindless destruction! Yeah!" Galvatron cheered.

The group burst into the room and gasped at the unexpected sight that greeted them there.

There was Cosmos, Hauler, Drag Strip, Dead End, Motormaster, Mirage, Ferak, Starscream's ghost, Skywarp and Dirge all chained to the wall of the room, and there were wires plugged into their chests.

"What's...what's going on here?" A horrified Thundercracker asked.

"Well, I see you have discovered my deep dark secret, congratulations." A voice from behind them said darkly.

The Transformers whirled around to see Watcher standing in the doorway, an uncharacteristic look of blankness on his face.

"What is this?" Cyclonus asked, motioning to the bound Transformers.

"This is what powers my factory! The energy of these captive Autobots and Decepticons!" Wiley Watcher explained.

"Why not just use Micromasters?" Jazz questioned.

"Because they do not have enough energy to survive the procedure, am I correct Mr. Watcher?" Shockwave asked.

"Correct indeed my good fellow, a Micromasters body can only survive for up to an hour, four tops, that's why I staged this contest, only fully grown Transformers can power a plant this large!" Wiley Watcher exclaimed.

"But why not just use solar power or fuel?" Cyclonus asked.

"Because that's just not as fun!" Watcher replied.

"Who are you, really?" Jazz questioned.

"My alias is Wiley Watcher, but my real name is...Charlie Bucket!" Watcher revealed.

"Charlie Bucket? The winner of the original contest?" Shockwave gasped.

"Yes! You see, after I became the heir to the Wonka fortune, I feared that Wonka would never abdicate, selfish bastard took these pills that extended his life, so one day, I replaced his pills with rat poison! Of course, I couldn't trust my family, they were always untrustworthy, what with my lazy ass grandparents always being in bed and my parents trying to poison me with watered down cabbage soup, so I had to get rid of them too! No one ever suspected me when our house mysteriously propelled itself into the sun, because I had the perfect alibi...I was in the bathroom at the time, foolproof!"

"You're mad!" Thundercracker cried.

"Perhaps, or perhaps I'm a genius and you're the mad ones, or maybe I'm mad! Either way, I'm afraid that I can't let you leave here, you know too much! Prepare to die!" Wiley Watcher shouted as he raised his gun to fire...

And was promptly vaporised by Galvatron and his mighty fusion cannon.

"Jesus, yak, yak, yak! I thought he'd never shut up!" Galvatron complained.

"Did...did Galvatron just save our lives?" An astonished Jazz asked.

"I think he did..." An equally amazed Cyclonus responded.

"Let us never speak of this to anyone." Thundercracker muttered.

"Agreed!" Shockwave said.

"Well, I guess we better get these guys down." Jazz muttered, turning to face his captive friends and foes.

"Forget about Dirge, he's already dead." Thundercracker pointed out.

"And we may as well just leave that fatass Cosmos here." Jazz added.

"Agreed." They all agreed in unison.

* * *

A short while later, all the captives (save for Cosmos) were walking outside of the factory, glad to have made it out of that nightmare.

"Ferak, I want my salamutton! Get me a salamutton!" Mirage ordered.

"Aw shut up!" Ferak snapped.

"How dare you talk to me that way!" An indignant Mirage whined "My father is lord Straxus! He could-!"

"I don't give a damn because I QUIT! You can just shove it you ungrateful little bastard!" Ferak shouted as he pushed Mirage to the ground, before flying off.

"Well, I'm glad that that's all over, but I can't help but feel that I forgot something..." Jazz muttered.

Cyclonus shrugged "Ah, whatever it is, I'm sure that it's not important."

* * *

Elsewhere...

In an empty street, a sleep deprived, dehydrated and starving Daniel stood, hand outstretched.

"He'll be back...any second now..." Daniel croaked weakly.

"Whoa, Daniel, are you still here?" Sara asked as she passed by "Damn, you really are a dumbass!"

At this point, Daniel collapsed from exhaustion.

* * *

Lisa: And so concludes our massive three part special!

James: Should have been my special!

Lisa: Oh, I'm sorry? What was that? Could you speak up a little please?

James: Sigh, forget it.

Lisa: Good boy. Anyway, please tune in next time when we discover what happened to the Protectobots during their big trip! Until next time, we sure hope that you enjoyed the story, don't forget to leave a review, and finally...thanks for reading! Bye!


	29. Chapter 29

orJenny: Hey there, and welcome to...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 29! As you may have read, while Jazz, his friends and the Decepticons were going out on a magical trip to the Wiley Watcher chocolate factory, Blades and the Protectobots were being sent to the _USG Ishimura_ for a guided tour! What will happen, who knows? Now before we go, we'd like to sincerely thank you for reading, like to remind you to please leave a review, and finally...Thanks for reading! Oh yeah, and the Author does not own The Transformers, neither does he own any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers...He doesn't own Dead Space either, so don't get any ideas to the contrary!

Author: Darn!

Jenny: Well, that's about it from me, so take care now! Bye!

* * *

"Crewman's log, we are approaching the _USG Ishimura_, strangely, we are receiving no replies when we attempt to hale it, something doesn't feel right. I only hope that I will be able to see my girlfriend, Nicole when I arrive." Engineer Isaac Clarke reported into his log.

"Alright crew, we're touching down!" Kendra Daniels informed the crew as they entered the space station's hangar.

* * *

"Well, here we are" Isaac Said as he stepped down the landing ramp "The _USG Ishimura, _the first ever-Oh my God!" Isaac screamed as a gigantic ship smashed into the hangar and unceremoniously crashed into the _Kellion, _crushing it.

"Well, here we are!" Groove exclaimed as he jumped out of Fortress Maximus' starboard hatch.

"Wow, this place is a dump!" Blades said as he surveyed the destroyed hangar.

"Uh, guys, I think we crashed into someone..." First Aide pointed out.

"Just throw some money at them, they'll shut up then." The group's leader, Hot Spot snapped.

"But...I think they're really hurt." Streetwise pointed out as the ship underneath lay in a burning, smoking heap.

"Look, we don't have time for that, we're supposed to be on a tour here, so we'd better just sit back, and wait for our tour guide to arrive." Hot Spot told them.

"But-" First Aide began, only to be interrupted by Groove.

"What's our tour guide's name?" Groove questioned.

"Uh, let me check, I got it written down here somewhere..." Hot Spot muttered as he rummaged through his pockets "Ah, here it is! His name is Richard Sawyer!"

"Phffft, that's a stupid name." Blades muttered.

Suddenly, a shambling, horribly deformed creature shambled up to the group. It was bloody, had exposed muscles and bones, and had a secondary set of bladed hands protruding from its stomach. It also wore a nametag identifying it as one Richard Sawyer.

"Ah, you must be our tour guide, greetings Mr. Sawyer, we are the contest winners!" Hot Spot announced as he walked forward to shake the monsters hand.

"Ah, sir, I don't think you should move too close to that thing." First Aid warned.

"Don't be so rude minion, come and say hello to Mr. Sawyer!" Hot Spot ordered.

While his attention was diverted, the monster took the time to cut off Hot Spot's ring finger on his outstretched hand, using of its clawed hands.

"What the-? Hey! I was going to use that to poke things!" Hot Spot exclaimed "What the hell kind of tour guide are you?-!"

In response, the Sawyer beast snarled and leapt at Hot Spot, latching onto his face, clawing, scratching and biting at it.

"Aaaahhhh! Get it off! Get it off!" Hot Spot screamed as he was viciously mauled.

Streetwise, Groove and Blades immediately opened fire on the beast...unfortunately, most of their shots hit their leader.

"Not me you idiots!" Hot Spot snapped "Oh God, my eye!"

"You know, in retrospect, that probably was a bad idea." Streetwise murmured sheepishly.

"And your point would be...?" Blades asked as he lined up his rifle once again.

"No Blades! No!" Groove cried "We must find some other way to defeat the beast!"

"Like this?" Blades asked as he picked up a piece of debris from the _Kellion_ and swung it around menacingly.

"NO!" Streetwise, Groove and First Aide cried.

It was too late however, and Blades crushed the creature with the chunk of metal...right against Hot Spot's face, mangling it horribly and smashing a number of his teeth out.

"Urgh! My teef!" A stunned Hot Spot screamed as he caught his teeth as they tumbled out of his mouth, before collapsing.

"Oh great going there Blades! Just great, you knocked out our leader!" Streetwise snapped.

"Yeah, but I killed the creature!" Blades exclaimed, not noticing the half dead, mostly crushed creature dragging itself away.

Streetwise sighed "Right, well, what do we do now?"

"Well, first thing to do would be to put Hot Spot back inside Fortress Maximus so that he can-" First Aid began, only to be cut off by Groove.

"He's gone." Streetwise pointed out.

"Whee! I know I can beat that damn sprinter this time if I really, _really _try!" Fortress Maximus cried as he flew off at incredible speeds.

"Oh son of a bitch!" First Aid cursed.

"Ok...so, what do we do now then?" Groove asked.

"We dump him over in that pile of debris and mangled corpses and hope that nobody notices." First Aid muttered in a very annoyed tone of voice.

"Right, and the rest of us?" Streetwise questioned.

"We kill some more bitches!" Blades exclaimed, activating his rotors.

"No!" First Aid snapped "We look around this place and see if there's anyone who can help us!"

"And if they've all been killed by these...things, what then?" Streetwise persisted.

"I don't know, I guess we launch a distress beacon or something." First Aid replied.

"Right...well, let's move out then, I'll take first position, Blades, you cover the rear." Streetwise commanded.

Blades giggled "Heh, you said "rear"!"

Streetwise sighed "Just shut up and do what I say!"

Blades giggled again "Heh, heh, you said "do"!"

At this point, Streetwise shot Blades in the kneecap.

"We're moving out." Streetwise informed the others in a cold, deadpan voice.

* * *

"Geez, this place is really freakin' creepy!" Groove muttered as he passed by a sparking power conduit.

"Yeah, yeah, it's creepy, just don't let that distract you from finding people." Streetwise told him.

"Uh, right sir." Groove replied.

The group walked into what looked like a laboratory, one room separated by a window. Suddenly, a human male with a beard in a white suit in the other room ran up to them

"Help me! You gotta let me out of here!" The man cried, pounding on the glass.

"What's happen-Holy crap!" Streetwise exclaimed as what looked like a mutant baby with three spiky tentacles ran up from behind the human "Fire! Fire!"

"Uh oh!" The human ducked as the four Autobots opened fire, blowing the glass away and spray painting the walls with the monster's blood.

"Well that was intense!" Groove exclaimed.

"First Aid, check the civilian!" Streetwise commanded.

"Right away!" First Aid replied, climbing through the broken window and approaching the human "What's your name son?"

"Uh, Jason, Jason De Le Roca." The man replied, looking at the blood covered walls in a mixture of shock and fright.

"Right, well, can you tell us what happened here?" First Aid asked.

"Well, it all started around the captain was killed, you see, there was thing object on the planet's surface that-" Jason attempted to tell the story, only to be cut off by Blades.

"Yeah, yeah, just get to the point or I'll vivisect you!" Blades broke in, raising his weapon.

"Eep! Well, long story short, bunch of aliens showed up and started messing with all the dead bodies, turning them into these monsters! Hell, they even got these stored foetuses!" Jason exclaimed, motioning to the dozens of jarred babies on the walls behind him.

"Uh...why do you have dozens of jarred foetuses?" A severely disturbed Groove asked.

"Oh, well we clone human crew and harvest the clones while they're still developing, so that if anyone is injured, we can harvest the missing body part or organ and reattach it to the injured person." Jason explained.

"Ok then...I'm just going to go over there now...in the shadows...where you won't be able to see me...bye!" Groove exclaimed as he first sidestepped, before dashing off.

"But now that you're here, we can escape!" Jason said, hugging First Aid's leg.

"Uh, yeah, about that..." Streetwise trailed off.

"What? What is it?" Jason asked, looking anxious at this sudden change of behaviour.

"Our ship kind of...dumped us..." Streetwise muttered sheepishly.

"I-I don't understand...how can a ship dump you?"

"He thinks he's Link from _The Legend of Zelda_..." First Aid explained, or rather, tried to explain.

Jason looked up at them in confusion.

"Yeah, live around us long enough and you kind of get used to it..." Streetwise assured "Anyway, where's Groove gone off to?"

"Here I am..." Groove called out as he walked back, his eyes suddenly red and bloodshot "Wow, anyone got some food here? I'm starving!"

"Oh no, Groove, are you high again?-!" First Aid sighed.

"Maybe...heh, heh...Groove chuckled.

"Oh God damn it!" Streetwise exclaimed in annoyance.

"You guys wanna get high?" Groove offered.

"No, we don't want to get high!" Streetwise snapped.

"...You sure?" Groove persisted.

"Damn it!" Streetwise cursed.

"Ahem, I think we'd better get going if we want to activate that distress beacon." First Aid pointed out.

"Right, right...can you tell us where the communications room is?" Streetwise asked, turning to Jason.

"Uh, yeah, sure, but you got to take me with you! No way am I staying behind and getting killed by those things!" Jason exclaimed.

"Fine, you can ride in my cabin." First Aid offered, opening up one of his doors.

"Uh, thanks..." Jason said uncertainly as he climbed in.

"Alright men, let's move out!" Streetwise ordered, pushing forward towards their next destination.

* * *

Soon after more encounters with the monsters (which a stoned Groove had dubbed Necromorphs), the group came upon a sealed door.

"What's behind this door Jason?" Streetwise asked.

"That? Uh...that's a bathroom..." Jason answered.

"And me." A voice from behind the door added.

"What the-? Who is that?" First Aid asked.

"It sounded like Johnny Vasquez, the most dangerous, hardest, sociopathic guy on this whole station." Jason replied.

"Yep, that'd be me, but I'm not alone." Johnny told the others.

"Really? Are there other survivors with you?" An expectant Jason asked.

"Well...define survivors..." Johnny said through the door.

"Uh...those that are still alive..." A surprised Jason explained.

"Oh, those kind of survivors...um, no, just me and a Slasher." Johnny revealed.

"A...S-Slasher?" Jason asked nervously.

"Yep, one of those things with four arms and the scythes growing out of the wrists, I call 'em Slashers. Right now, he's trying to stab me." Johnny said as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"Jesus Christ! Well, uh...do you need some help?" First Aid offered.

"Would you? That might be nice...Ecki Tump!" Johnny shouted, a sound which was promptly accompanied by a thud noise as something struck the ground.

"Hmmm, Blades, kick the door down!" Streetwise commanded.

"I have a better idea!" Blades exclaimed as he used a still high Groove as a battering ram.

"Blades! Don't do that!" First Aid exclaimed.

"Why not? He's too stoned to feel anything!" Blades justified as he struck the door again.

"It's totally true dude, I am!" Groove told the others.

"Just kick the God damn door down!" Streetwise snapped.

"Fine!" Blades sighed...before snapping off Groove's leg and throwing it at the door, knocking it down to reveal...

A tall, skinny, dishevelled man in his late twenties, holding some kind of high tech saw and standing over the body of a dead Slasher.

"Well, about time." Johnny admonished.

"Great to see you man, I thought I was the only-Holy shit!" Jason exclaimed as Blades vaporised both Johnny and the Slasher.

"What? It twitched." Blades told the horrified Jason, referring to the Necromorph.

"Oh for the love of-! Blades, you are seriously testing me here!" Streetwise snapped through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll let you know when I start caring, now let's keep going!" Blades exclaimed.

"Great" Jason said with a sigh "I'm trapped on a space station full of the undead, and I'm travelling with a sociopath, the robot version of Samuel L., a stoner Jackson and a gay robot."

"How'd you know I was gay?" A curious First Aid asked.

"I found a _Carpenter's _tape in your CD player." Jason revealed.

* * *

And so they continued some more, still searching for the communications room and encountering even more Necromorphs. Finally, after a tiring twelve minutes of searching, they decided to stop for a breather.

"Man I'm tired!" Blades exclaimed.

"The murdering would probably have something to do with that." Streetwise muttered in an annoyed tone of voice.

Naturally, he was quite pleased when a Lurker suddenly sprang forth and attacked Blades.

"Argh! Get it off! Get it off!" Blades screamed, somewhat muffled by the lurker.

"Karma is a funny thing, isn't it?" A satisfied and smirking Streetwise said to First Aid.

To everyone's surprise (even the Lurker seemed shocked), Groove's cell phone began to ring.

"You had your cell phone with you the entire time?-!" An enraged Streetwise asked.

"Uh, yeah, I must have forgotten about it, oops!" A now back to normal Groove apologised...sort off.

"Oh son of a-!" Streetwise cried, launching himself at Groove, only to be held back by First Aid.

"Save it, we've got other things to worry about." First Aid told him.

"You're right...we've still got to launch that distress beacon." Streetwise muttered.

"Uh, hello? Still being attacked here!" Blades called out.

A short distance away, Groove was answering his phone "Uh, yes, who is this?"

"I'm in quite a lot of pain!" Blades shouted, still being ignored.

"It's Jazz, I just called to see how your tour was going, ours is shit." The voice on the other end of the line told him.

"Oh, uh, our tour? It's uh...fine..." Grove replied uncertainly as Blades finally pulled the Lurker off his face and threw it onto the floor.

"Ready Lurker? Kick the baby!" Blades exclaimed.

"Don't kick the baby!" The Lurker gurgled.

"Kick the baby!" Blades repeated, kicking the young monster with all his force, sending it flying into the wall.

THUD!

The Lurker slowly started sliding down the wall.

"Huh, sounds pretty interesting over there." Jazz replied, evidently having heard the exchange between Blades and the Lurker.

With Blades having fun with his newly invented Lurker football, nobody noticed the bladed creature slowly making its way towards them.

"Uh, yeah, listen, I gotta go, we-" Groove began, only to be cut off by a bloodcurdling scream.

"Oh my God! Look out, it's a Graverobber! Nooooo!" First Aid screamed as the creature charged him, knocking Groove's phone out of his hand in the process in its mad dash to gore First Aid...

And was promptly blasted right out of existence by Streetwise "Let's keep moving."

"No arguments there." A stunned Jason agreed.

* * *

And so, after another harrowing journey, the group finally arrived at the communications room.

"Alright, Jason, you activate the beacon, the rest of us will make sure that none of those Necromonsters-" Streetwise began, only to be interrupted by Groove.

"Necromorphs, they're called Necromorphs." Groove corrected.

"Yeah, whatever, we make sure that none of those _Necromorphs _attack, savvy?" Streetwise asked.

The others voiced their agreement, and Jason rushed to complete his task.

It was very unfortunate that at this moment, several Pregnants, Infectors, Lurkers and one very pissed off Brute smashed through the wall.

Streetwise twitched "Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfreakin' Necromorphs on this motherfreakin' space station! Everybody, strap yourselves in, I'm about to open a window!"

"But it'd be absolute zero! I'd freeze to death, plus, just holding onto something wouldn't work, the suction is incredible!" Jason pointed out.

"Here, put this on and secure yourself to a console or something!" First Aid told Jason, throwing him a space suit and cable which he had conveniently contained within his body.

Once Jason had done as First Aid had ordered him, Streetwise blasted a hole in the side of the space station, blowing the Necromorphs into space "Well, that's that taken care of!"

"Hey guys! I've just picked up a signal! A ship is coming to pick us up! We're saved!" Jason cried out in joy.

And so, the group made their way back to the hangar, but on their way back...

* * *

"Huh? What is that?" First Aid asked as he spotted a woman with a cloth tied around her eyes with half a corpse sitting next to her.

"Huh? Is there someone there? McCoy, do you see anyone?" The woman asked the torso sitting next to her.

"Uh, yeah, we're here, we're going to the hangar so we can be rescued." Streetwise informed her, unnerved by the corpse.

"Hey, I know you! It's Elaine, isn't it?" Jason asked.

"That's right...Jason De La Roca?" The woman asked.

"Yeah, so do you want to come with us?" Jason questioned.

"Sure...Oh! Take this, it's a kinesis module, it'll let you psychically grab items!" Elaine said, holding out a device.

Jason stared at her incredulously, before taking the module "Put that on the list of things that would have been useful twenty minutes ago and-Oh my God!" Jason cried as Blades vaporised both Elaine and McCoy's torso.

"What? He twitched." Blades justified his actions to a horrified Jason when he turned to stare at him.

* * *

Back on Earth...

"Well, thank God we're out of that bloody factory! It was a nightmare in there!" Dirge exclaimed as he walked away from the factory.

His joy was short lived, for at that moment, a ship's leg crushed him, and the Protectobots, plus Jason all stepped out.

"Well, that may be without a doubt, the worst place we've ever been to..it was worth it." Groove said as he walked down the ramp.

"Let us never speak of any of this again." Streetwise muttered to First Aid.

"Agreed." First Aid muttered back.

"Well I don't know what you guys are complaining about, I thought it was fun! What with all the killing and all!" Blades reminisced fondly.

"You guys are all a bunch of freaks." Jason muttered as he walked away.

"Who was that again?" Hot Spot asked as he clutched at his aching head.

None of them noticed the lone Slasher that had snuck aboard, nor did they notice when it crawled off the ship, ran down the road and...was promptly struck by a car.

Crisis averted thanks to some dumbass who was talking on his cell phone.

* * *

Jenny: Aaaaaannnnnndddd, there you have it! Chapter 29 of THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! We here at Ultimos Corp certainly hoped that you enjoyed it, and of course, we'd like you to please remember to please review and finally...thanks for reading! Until the next chapter, goodnight everybody!


	30. Chapter 30

Gauntlet: Hello people, I'm Gauntlet' the group's mechanic and resident grease monkey, and welcome to yet another chapter of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! 30th chapter spectacular, can you believe it? This chapter, we'll be focusing on the Japanese Autobots and Decepticons as they do their stuff, great, huh? And as a special bonus, you'll also be looking into the goings on right here! Sadly, my role will be minimal, but hey, at least I get more lines than my brother, Vlad, poor guy gets stage fright! Can you believe that, big bad vampire guy get's shy around people? But I digress, the Author does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters that are involved with the Transformers.

Author: Curses!

Gauntlet: Yeah, that wasn't funny the first time and it's still not funny the tenth time. Anyway, please remember to enjoy the following tale, please don't forget to review, and finally...thanks for reading! Oh, and on a sidenote, thanks to Hideki for rigging up the Japanese-to-English translators, this will allow you to understand the lingo. Thanks Hideki!

* * *

Ah, Japan, the land of the rising sun, a magnificent, beautiful, and most of all, peaceful place...

BOOM!

"Doryū you son of a bitch! I swear I'm going to get you back for that!"

...Most of the time.

At the moment, it was being destroyed by the combating forces of the Dinoforce and the Trainbots. Doryū of the Dinoforce had just blasted the Trainbot Seizan through a wall, the cause of his anger.

"Doryu smash!" Doryū shouted as a heavy green, armour plated stegosaurus lumbered towards Seizan.

"You think you can take me peanut brain? Then bring it on!" Seizan cried, raising his wind and fire wheels.

In response, Doryū leapt majestically into the air, like a drunken whale, or a vast predatory bird, apparently with the intention of crushing Seizan...unfortunately for him, he was promptly sent flying when Kaen struck him with a flaming Kanabo in mid jump.

"Home run! Wahoo!" Kaen exclaimed as Doryū went flying over the horizon.

"I could have had him!" Seizan snapped.

"Sure you could have, sure you could have." Kaen replied sarcastically.

"Why you gigantic muscle bound-!" Seizan snarled, ready to attack his teammate.

"Knock it off morons!" Suiken exclaimed, smacking Rairyū in the side of his oversized head with one of his jute.

Seizan and Kaen turned to each other "Uh, truce?" Seizan offered.

"Only until we deal with these creeps." Kaen replied, not taking his eyes off Kakuryū as he charged towards them, all three horns and all six cannons aimed solely at them.

"Deal." Seizan agreed.

"Infernal Blaster!" Kaen cried as he threw a fireball at Kakuryū.

"Soraventus!" Seizan added, wreathing his wind and fire wheel in a shimmering blue energy and tossing it at Kakuryū.

The resulting explosion was quite impressive.

"Boy, it sure is nice that living in Japan has given use these Anime powers, isn't it?" Kaen asked.

"Sure is." Seizan added as he caught his wind and fire wheels as they returned to him, despite the fact that they were _supposed _to be solely melee weapons.

Not far away, Getsuei was engaging Gairyū in combat, using his mighty yari, despite the fact that it looked nothing like an actual yari at all and was clearly nothing more than a very elaborate spear or lance.

"I'm...going...to...get...you..." Getsuei drawled slowly as he half heartedly rushed Gairyū with his highly suspect yari.

Gairyū however, merely stepped to the side as Getsuei "charged" him, before dealing him a mighty blow with his clubbed ankylosaurus tail.

"Ha ha! I'm too good for you puny Autobot! Nyeh!" Gairyū exclaimed, sticking his tongue out at Getsuei.

At that moment however, the sun was obscured by a cloud.

Getsuei's eyes lit up, and suddenly he was gone.

"Huh? Argh!" Gairyū cried as a speeding blue blur struck him.

Several more times did a super speed empowered Getsuei strike him...before the sun came out again.

"Oh...no! Curse...you...son...I...shall...destroy...you...for...your...impudence!" Getsuei slowly exclaimed.

"Chou Makhow!" Gairyū cried, blasting energy from his mouth and sending Getsuei flying with it.

"Oh...noooooo...!" Getsuei exclaimed tediously as he went slamming into the side of a building.

"Now we'll both finish you off!" The real Gairyū, a green quadrupedal monster said as he lumbered up to the faux Gairyū, nothing more than a pretender shell.

"Argh! Oof! Ugh!"

Close by, the youngest (and possibly second most intelligent) member of the group, Yukikaze, was locked in combat with Yokuryū, who was flying around in pterodactyl form, reigning fire upon the citizens of Tokyo.

"Do you think you can defeat me Yukikaze?" Yokuryū asked as he breathed a steady blast of fire at Yukikaze, who simply dodged the blast.

"I don't think..." Yukikaze replied, throwing both of his kusarigama at Yokuryū, tangling up both his feet and wings and sending him plummeting down to the ground "...I know!"

"Rawk! We'll see!" Yokuryū exclaimed as he broke free of the chains and blew another blast of fire at Yukikaze, this time destroying the chunk of building that he was standing on.

"Whoa!" Yukikaze cried as he was sent plummeting down to the ground, before using his kusarigama to snag a flagpole "Nice try birdbrain, but it'll take a whole lot more than that to beat me! Subzero shooter!"

With that, Yukikaze shot several blasts of arctic energy at his foe.

"Yipe!" Yokuryū exclaimed as he dodged the blast, the place that it hit freezing instantly "Aha! Too slow! You'll have to be a lot faster than that to-Eep!"

If he hadn't been so busy gloating, Yokuryū might have realised that the narration had said _several _blasts, instead of just one. What have we learned?

"Dumbass." Yukikaze muttered as he studied the ice sculpture that was Yokuryū.

Meanwhile, the leaders of their respective groups, Shoki and Gōryū were fighting as well, of course the fight was tipped slightly in Gōryū's favour...

"Aieeeeeee! It's Godzilla!" Shoki cried in panic as Gōryū lumbered towards him, astride his pretender shell.

"That's right pathetic Trainbot, and look, he has atomic fire breath!" Gōryū exclaimed, kicking his pretender in the side of its head.

"Rowr!" The pretender...roared and unleashed a cloud of green radioactive fire that completely engulfed Shoki.

"Aha! Victory for the Dinoforce! All your base r belongs to us! In your base, killing your dudes!" Gōryū cried in triumph.

"Aer Slicer!"

"Wha-?Ugh!" Gōryū cried as several blasts of concentrated air knocked him off of his pretender "Shoki? But how?-!"

"It was convenient for the plot! Now, let's dance!" Shoki exclaimed as he pulled out his katana.

"Uh...behold the awesome power of my mighty claw! Fear the claw!" Gōryū cried as he brought out his alt mode's claw and began slashing away at Shoki with it.

In response, Shoki simply kicked him in the crotch as he foolishly charged at him, before slicing him vertically in half.

"Argh! My one weakness!" Gōryū groaned as he fell to the ground in two separate halves "Dinoforce, retreat!"

And with that, the Dinoforce eagerly fled from the Autobots.

"Another victory for us!" Shoki exclaimed triumphantly.

"You know, I'm not sure how victorious we can be called when we let our enemies escape every single time." Suiken pointed out, motioning to the fleeing Dinoforce with one of his jute.

"Hey, that's great, now shut the hell up Suiken!" Shoki told his tactician and battle expert "Now, how about we all go out for dinner!"

"Where, the city is destroyed?" Yukikaze asked, motioning to the destroyed city.

"Oh...well...let's get fugu! I know a great place that's swimming with them!" Shoki exclaimed.

Yukikaze sighed as Suiken approached him "Are you sure that he's not adopted?"

"I'm beginning to believe that more and more every day. Every. Single. Day." Yukikaze replied as he watched his idiotic brother dance and cavort around like a moron.

Elsewhere...

* * *

"Argh!" A voice rang out through the halls.

"What was that?" Crystal asked, whirling around in surprise.

"No idea, but it sounded angry...let's get out of here, if it's Aku...shudder." James replied as he tried to drag Crystal away.

Suddenly, Lisa barged in, kicking the door down "Stupid son of a-! I swear to God I'm going to get him back! What are you staring at?-!"

"Eep! N-nothing sub-commander!" James replied, hiding behind Crystal.

"Well keep it that way!" Lisa snapped as she stormed off.

"I wonder what's' eating her?" Crystal wondered aloud.

"Who cares?" James asked.

"I think she got dumped again...I wonder why?"

"Oh yeah, all the guys are clamouring for brunettes with domineering personalities who wear tan tank tops and jeans." James replied, rolling his eyes.

"We should do something" Crystal said.

"What? Why?" James questioned.

"She's our second in command, do you remember what happened the last time she got upset?"

James shuddered "Oh yes...I remember..."

* * *

Pseudo Flashback!

Circus music...oh God the circus music! It haunts me!

Shriek! Shriek!

"Oh God! The searing agony!"

Kraka-Thoom!

End Pseudo Flashback!

* * *

James shuddered again "Poor Operative Kollekio, he had so much to live for!"

"He's not dead...just in a full body cast..." Crystal pointed out.

"Ok, I'm convinced, we can't let the sub-commander ever get that upset again...God knows what she'll do to me." James told Crystal.

"Yeah, she hates you." Crystal murmured.

"I don't know why, she beat me for position of second in command..." James muttered bitterly.

"She's just an aggressive person, she sees you as a threat." Crystal explained.

"Hmmm, I wonder if I could start a coup against her?" James wondered.

"Oh no! Not another coup! You remember what happened last time?" Crystal asked, frowning.

"Yeah...that didn't go so well, did it?" James asked.

* * *

'Nother Pseudo Flashback!

"_...You will remember my name!"_

Groan! Shuffle! Groan! Shuffle!

"They've captured the entire East wing sir! If we cannot defeat them in the main hall, then we'll be overrun in a matter of hours!"

Dance-dance-dancin' like a monkey!

End 'Nother Pseudo Flashback!

* * *

"We lost a lot of good men that day..." James muttered.

"They were all traitors!" Crystal exclaimed.

"Hmmm, oh yeah...oh well, back to whatever it was that we were doing!"

"But who could we get to go out with her? Hideki?" Crystal asked.

"He's going out with that pseudo scientist who believes in aliens." James replied.

"Sweetie? We've fought aliens before remember?"

"They could have been shape shifters or people in elaborate disguises."

"Ok then...In-Su?"

"Who?"

"Gauntlet."

"Possibly, but I don't think they get along."

"Ok then...hmmm, Aku's right out...Vlad?"

"He's way too shy."

"Argh! Who then? Who's left?" An exasperated Crystal asked.

"Hey guys." Errol greeted as he walked past.

Crystal and James' eyes lit up "Errol!"

* * *

Back in Japan...

"Argh! They have beaten us once more...again!" Gōryū exclaimed in anger, pounding his fist down on Kakuryū's head.

"But how can they always beat us? We're cooler than them!" Gairyū pointed out.

"Hmmm, true...maybe it's their super ninja weapons! We don't have those!" Gōryū realised.

"Then we should get some!" Yokuryū exclaimed, before turning to Rairyū "Rairyū, what do you think?"

"Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh..." Rairyū drooled, staring blankly.

"My thoughts exactly!" Gōryū replied.

"Doryū like plan! Doryū think plan good!" Doryū agreed.

"So do Kakuryū!" Kakuryū added as he fed his pet bunny.

"Then it's settled! We bug lord Galvatron until he gives us weapons!" Gōryū exclaimed "Yokuryū, you're the communications officer, go call him!"

"Yes sir!" Yokuryū barked, giving his supreme sergeant a salute.

"What? Who is this?" Galvatron asked as his image flickered on screen.

"Hello lord Galvatron, we wish to have weapons, give us weapons." Yokuryū addressed his leader.

"I-What? I can't understand you! Do! You! Speak! English?" Galvatron shouted at the screen.

"Didn't he ask us this before?" Yokuryū asked, turning to Gairyū, who shrugged in response.

"What! Do! You! Want?" Galvatron shouted some more.

"Uh..." Yokuryū paused for a moment, wondering what to do, before a thought came to him.

Yokuryū proceeded to mime the use of various weapons, going "Budda-Budda-Pow!", wielding an imaginary sword and practicing with imaginary nunchaku.

"What the hell is this?" A confused Galvatron asked.

Suddenly, he was pushed away from the screen, and Cyclonus took his place "Right, sorry about that, our leader is kind of an idiot. Luckily, I can speak Japanese, so just tell me what you want."

"Oh...we want weapons to deal with the Trainbots!" Yokuryū replied.

"Oh good! Finally, some smart Decepticons! Right, what do you want, atomisers, cruise missiles, Devastator?" Cyclonus asked.

"Ninja weapons." Yokuryū answered.

Cyclonus balked "...What?"

"Yeah, we want ninja weapons!" Gōryū broke in.

Cyclonus sighed "Fine, I'll have Dirge teleport there via space bridge with some weapons...dumbasses."

* * *

Five to six minutes later...

"Argh! Doryū wait for ages! Doryū want weapons!" Doryū exclaimed in frustration.

At that point, Dirge suddenly materialised in front of them, six crates were with him "And here we are! A crate load of weapons for you! Enjoy!"

The Dinoforce rummaged through the crates, looking for the weapons that they wanted.

"Kakuryū call this!" Kakuryū exclaimed as he picked up a Qian Kun Ri Yue Dao...some kind of handheld, bladed weapon...or something...

"Oooh! Doryū take dibs!" Doryū pulled out a sansetsukon, also known as the three jointed staff.

"This is mine!" Yokuryū called out as he snatched a customised yumi, or Japanese bow.

""Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh..." Rairyū groaned as he picked up a lochaber axe.

"Kickass!" Gairyū exclaimed as he whipped out a jii, a crescent spear.

"A sword of my very own!" Gōryū cried as he grabbed a tachi.

"Right, well you got what you need so I'll just-Argh!" Dirge screamed out as Doryū cracked him on the back of the head with his weapon, killing him.

"That for making Doryū wait!" Doryū exclaimed in annoyance.

* * *

Elsewhere...

"Uh...I don't know about this guys..." Errol told Crystal and James.

"Come on, it could be fun, besides, you like Lisa." Crystal attempted to coerce.

"Well, uh, yes, but not quite in that way..." Errol replied.

"Look Operative Errol, if you don't do this, then the sub-commander is going to be pissed, and if she's pissed, then I'm screwed. Plus I'm your superior, so do it." James ordered Errol.

"Well, I don't know...I, uh..." Errol stammered.

"Look, aren't you tired of being lonely?" Crystal asked.

"I'm not-" Errol began, only to be cut off.

"Sure you are, you're always by yourself, filling out paperwork, or performing reconnaissance missions...doesn't that get lonely?" Crystal persisted.

"Uh, well, I suppose-" Errol began, blushing, only to be cut off again, by James this time.

"Excellent! You don't need to worry about a thing, I had Jenny give Lisa a rose and tell her it was from you!" James replied, slapping Errol on the back.

"You what?-!" Errol shouted in horror.

* * *

"Lisa!" Jenny called out, running up to the second in command.

"Huh? What is it sunshine? I'm in a hurry here so let's keep this brief!" Lisa told Jenny.

"Here you go! Compliments of Errol!" Jenny told Lisa as she handed her the rose.

"E-Errol?" Lisa asked.

"Yep, he was too shy to give it to you himself though, so he had me do it for you, isn't that cute?"

"Uh..sure...have you seen him around anywhere?" Lisa questioned.

"Sure, he was with James and Crystal just a moment ago in the hallway, must be getting tips!" Jenny replied with a laugh.

"Um...thanks..." Lisa muttered.

"Anytime, see you later!" Jenny called as she turned and walked the other way, waving as she went.

Lisa stared down at the rose in surprise, before smiling.

* * *

And in Japan again, the Trainbots were patrolling the city, oblivious to the danger that they would soon be facing.

"All clear in this sector, what about you Yukikaze?" Suiken asked as he strolled around, clutching his jute.

"Everything's fine here, Getsuei, what's your position?" Yukikaze replied, before switching frequencies.

"Everything's A-ok here my friends!" Getsuei replied, working at peak efficiency now that the sun was down.

"Good, and Seizan?" Suiken questioned.

"Nowhere near enough action!" Seizan complained.

"Good, let's hope that it stays that way, Kaen?"

"I agree with Seizan, it's boring, I want to set something on fire!" Kaen exclaimed.

Suiken sighed in response "Just shut up and patrol the area."

"Everything is clear from here." Shoki reported in.

"Good, it looks like for now at least, those prehistoric idiots have learned their lesson!" Suiken exclaimed.

BOOM!

"Argh!" Seizan cried over the radio.

"Seizan? Seizan, report!" Suiken ordered.

"Oh God damn it Doryū you son of a bitch! I swear I am going to get you for that!" Seizan exclaimed.

"Argh! Ok, they're back, everyone converge on Seizan's position!" Suiken commanded.

"Hey, hey! Who's in charge here? Who's in charge?" Shoki asked in an angry tone of voice.

Suiken sighed "You are...sir."

"That's right I am! And don't you forget it! Everyone, converge on Seizan's location!" Shoki ordered.

And so the group all rushed to engage the Dinoforce in combat, still unaware of what they would face.

* * *

Back at the base, Errol was sitting down as James, Sparky, Hideki and Gauntlet surrounded him.

"Now remember Errol, don't say anything stupid!" Gauntlet told his friend.

"Yeah, don't forget, she could snap you in two if she wanted!" Sparky exclaimed.

"I-uh..." Errol stammered in shock.

"Jeez guys, calm down, you're scaring him." Hideki told the others.

"Well he should be scared! Lisa is a fiery, vicious young woman! She beat the hell out of me the other day because I wouldn't wipe my feet on the welcome mat!" Sparky exclaimed.

At this, Errol turned pale.

"Oh for the love of-! Errol, it's all going to be all right, just take a couple of nice, deep breathes and everything will be fine!" Hideki assured.

"...Unless she decided to kill you." Sparky added after a short pause.

It was at this point that Errol started to hyperventilate.

* * *

And in another room, Lisa was with Aqua, Crystal, Jenny and Ashlyn.

"Now remember, don't be too intimidating." Jenny reminded Lisa.

"Yeah, you freak him out and he'll run out of there faster than a rabbit flees from a predator...or me." Ashlyn added.

"Oh, don't be so negative! I'm sure it'll go fine!" Aqua reassured.

"Thanks Aqua." Lisa said quietly.

"But seriously, act calm, you can be scary when you get angry." Crystal told Lisa.

"Uh..." Lisa began, unsure of what to say.

"Yeah, like the time you beat the hell out of Sparky when he wouldn't wipe his feet on the welcome mat." Jenny reminisced.

Lisa looked slightly embarrassed at this "I said I was sorry..."

"Remember though, Errol is shy, almost Vlad shy, so don't spook him." Crystal advised.

Lisa sighed, there was going to be a lot more advice.

* * *

And in Japan yet again, the rest of the Trainbots had arrived at Seizan's location, and were just in time to witness his epic battle with Doryū.

"What is that he's wielding?" Getsuei asked.

"Hmmm, it looks like a sansetsukon." Suiken mused.

"But where the hell did he get a weapon?" Shoki asked.

"Weapons! We've all got 'em!" Gōryū exclaimed as he and the rest of the Dinoforce jumped down behind the Trainbots.

"Gōryū! How dare you attempt to even the odds between us! We shall make you suffer for this!" Shoki assured his enemy.

"We shall see my enemy, we shall see!" Gōryū exclaimed, determined.

"All right men, before we start, we shall play our theme music, that way, we are sure to win!" Shoki said, turning to his allies "Kaen! Play the music!"

At that, Kaen activated a CD player concealed within his body, and music started to play.

_Subarashii chin chin mono  
Kintama no kami aru  
Sore no oto wa sarubobo  
Iie! Ninja ga imasu!_

_Hey hey let's go kenka suru  
Taisetsu na mono protect my balls  
Boku ga warui so let's fighting!  
Let's fighting love!  
Let's fighting love!_

_Kono uta chotto baka  
Wake ga wakaranai  
Eigo ga mecha kucha  
Daijoubu, we do it all the time!_

_Hey hey let's go kenka suru  
Taisetsu na mono protect my balls  
Boku ga warui so let's fighting!  
Let's fighting love!  
Let's fighting love!_

The others looked at Kaen in a mixture of shock, disgust and horror.

"Kaen! Why the hell is that our theme song?-!" Yukikaze asked.

"Why? What's wrong with it?" Kaen questioned.

"What's wrong with it? Are you deaf and stupid?" An outraged Yukikaze asked.

"...I can't speak Japanese..." Kaen muttered.

The group regarded him in shock.

"But...but you're speaking Japanese right now!" Suiken pointed out.

"I hired some guy to speak for me..." Kaen muttered in shame.

"That's right! If you want quality dubbing, come to the Fujiyama Dubbing Agency! Cheap, effective, Fujiyama!" A voice from nowhere exclaimed.

"Right, well now we need to decide what our new theme song is going to be!" Shoki snapped, highly annoyed.

"I say Cha-La (Head-Cha-La)!" Suiken spoke up.

"Yeah, that's good and all, but I think it should be Go! (Fighting Dreamers)!" Yukikaze said.

"I like Hikari E." Seizan added.

"Uh...are we going to fight now, or what?" A confused Gōryū asked.

"Oh, of course! Where are your manners guys? Let's kick the shit out of them!" Shoki exclaimed as he leapt at Gōryū, katana raised.

"Dinoforce, attack!" Gōryū cried as he too leapt.

It was a fierce battle as the two opposing sides fought each other mercilessly. Yukikaze was fighting an aerial battle with Yokuryū, Kaen was grappling with a drooling Rairyū, Getsuei was tangling with Gairyū, their respective spears clashing against one another, Doryū was again fighting his old enemy Seizan, Suiken was engaged in a fight with Kakuryū and his bizarrely shaped and named weapon, and finally, Shoki and Gōryū were duking it out, swords clashing, metal against metal, oh what a fight it was, all epic...and stuff.

"Submit to me! You can never win!" Gōryū taunted through gritted teeth.

"Never! I shall be victorious!" Shoki exclaimed.

* * *

And so the battle continued, raging on for days, with neither side showing any side of tiring or even slowing down. Finally, Shoki had had enough.

"Argh! This is bullshit! If we cannot defeat them alone, then surely we can beat them as...Raiden!" Shoki exclaimed.

"Yeah, Raiden! Yeah! Whoo!" Kaen cried.

"What? Well if you get to be Raiden, then we get to be Dinoking!" Gōryū protested.

Shoki sighed "Fine! But hurry up, I'm getting hungry!"

"Go Tyrannosaurus!" Gōryū cried, holding up his morpher as the others did the same.

"Triceratops!"

"Pterodactyl!"

"Ankylosaurus!"

"Stegosaurus!"

"Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

The Dinoforce quickly came together to form the dreaded Dinoking, wielding a gigantic version of Gōryū's tachi.

"Oh yeah? We'll show you! Super Raiden Force Powers, activate!" Shoki cried.

Quickly (and somewhat reluctantly), the Trainbots came together to form...Raiden Rider...or just Raiden...either one. He too was wielding the weapon of his leader, Shoki's katana.

"TO THE DEATH!" Dinoking roared.

"SO BE IT!" Raiden roared right back, raising his katana.

"DEATH BEAM!" Dinoking shouted, blasting lasers from his eyes.

However, with his impressive speed, Raiden simply dodged the blast in a flash, leaving an afterimage before retaliating.

"KAIO-KEN TIMES TWENTY!"

And with that, Raiden was engulfed in a fantastic red light. He rushed to meet his enemy, pummelling him with his fists and slicing into him with his katana.

"ARGH! YOU SHALL PAY FOR THAT! FIELD OPEN!" And with that, a field of bright green explosive energy surrounded Dinoking, blowing Raiden away.

"ARGH! DIE FOR YOUR INSOLENCE! TRI-BEAM!" Raiden shouted as he brought his hands together and fired a blast of ki through a gap in his hands, striking the enemy.

In response, Dinoking fired a beam of energy from his mouth, sending Raiden flying.

"UGH! FOR THAT INSULT, WE ARE FORCED TO USE OUR STRONGEST ATTACK! GO GENKAI-DAMA!" Raiden roared, bringing his hands skyward.

"UH OH..." Dinoking gasped as a bright ball of red energy was sent hurtling towards him, heavily damaging him and destroying a good part of the city.

When the smoke cleared, the six individual members of the Dinoforce lay groaning in a heap. As he was no longer being needed, Raiden separated into his own individual components, who approached the Dinoforce.

"Do you see now Gōryū? You don't need fancy, kickass weapons to win, you need actual intelligence." Suiken told his vanquished foe.

"Ooooh, Gōryū regret everything..." Gōryū moaned.

"Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" Rairyū drooled as he lay in a smoking pile of debris.

"Kakuryū not evil in the first place, Kakuryū just misunderstood!" Kakuryū exclaimed as he lay on his back.

"Well, you don't have to be evil, you could join the Autobots." Yukikaze suggested.

"Deal...but if Galvatron or the Breastforce ever show up, then we'll still pretend to kick the shit out of you." Gōryū replied, still in a heap.

"Agreed." Shoki told him "Right, come on then, let's all get some fugu!"

* * *

And elsewhere...

"Um, that was really nice." Errol told Lisa as they returned from their night out.

"Yeah, I had fun." Lisa replied his a smile.

"So, I'll see you around?"

"Sure, let's do this again sometime, ok?"

"Sure!"

"Goodnight Errol."

"Goodnight Lisa.

"..."

"..."

Errol sighed as he walked away. Best. Night. Ever.

* * *

Gauntlet: And there you have it, the story of Lisa and Errol's first date together, it kept her happy anyway, so I'm glad it all worked out! What? Oh yeah, and the Dinoforce were happy with being Autobots too. Well, I guess that about wraps it up, so I'll just leave on this one last ne, ok? We hope that you enjoyed the following story, please don't forget to review and finally...Thanks for reading Goodnight everybody!


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: The Author does not own The Transformers, or H.G. Well's _The Time Machine_ nor does he own any of the characters that belong to The Transformers Franchise or H.G. Wells.

* * *

"Hey guys!" Seaspray called out as he walked past Wheeljack, Sideswipe, Starscream's ghost and an angry looking Warpath.

"Piss off freak." Warpath muttered.

Starscream's ghost look startled and pointed to himself.

"Not that freak, the big yellow freak!" Warpath snapped.

Starscream's ghost looked relieved.

"Yeesh, what's your problem?" Seaspray asked.

"He dumped Tracks." Sideswipe explained.

"And he won't let me blow him up!" Wheeljack muttered in an annoyed tone of voice.

"What? That's terrible! Why?" Seaspray asked.

"Turns out that he was cheating on me with that freak Sunstorm!" Warpath exclaimed.

"Backstabbing bastard." Starscream's ghost muttered under his breath as he caressed the scar he had received from Skywarp shortly after Sunstorm's creation.

"Huh...well, I'm off!" Seaspray exclaimed as he ran off.

"Where the hell are you going?" Sideswipe called out.

"To spend the day with some underprivileged kids, it's part of a charity thing I signed up for! Bye now!" Seaspray cried as he ran out the door.

"What a freak...I'm going to go rig up a bomb in his room!" Wheeljack decided.

* * *

Elsewhere, the Minions where playing basketball in the base's court. While the majority of them played, Sparky, Aqua and Aku watched from the sidelines.

"This game looks so exciting!" Aqua exclaimed as she watched in fascination.

"Yep, sure is...so why aren't you playing?" Sparky asked.

"Oh, I'm more of an ice skating person, I'm not so great at these kinds of sports." Aqua explained.

"Really? Well that's a shame because they're so much fun! The running, the jumping, the electrocuting the referee when he say's you're travelling! Ah, good fun!" Sparky reminisced.

"Well, if you want my opinion-" Aku began, before being cut off by Sparky.

"Ah, zip it Villain Sue!" Sparky snapped "I don't recall asking for your opinion!"

"Villain Sue?" Aku asked.

"Yeah, a villain with virtually unlimited powers and a penchant for evil, in other words...you, so beat it and let the actual humans talk!" Sparky explained.

"Hmmm, I rather like that description..." Aku murmured.

"Yeah, yeah, great, now scram!" Sparky attempted to shoo Aku away.

"Very well, I shall depart." Aku replied as he floated away, smiling.

"Um, was that really the smartest thing to do?" A nervous Aqua asked.

Sparky shrugged "Eh, what could go wrong?"

* * *

Back in the Autobot base, Warpath was sitting down and talking with Arcee.

"So you found him in his room with Sunstorm?" Arcee asked.

"Yeah, and the cheating bastard was singing too him!" Warpath exclaimed.

"That's awful!" Arcee gasped.

"Yeah...but, I've decided to move on, find someone new...someone like you..." Warpath told her as he reached out and took her hand.

The moment was totally ruined when Seaspray burst in, accompanied by Daniel and Sara.

"Hey you guys! What up?" Seaspray asked.

Warpath winced "Seaspray, me and Arcee are kind of having a romantic moment here, why don't you go play in traffic or something?"

"Romantic moment? I thought you were gay?" Seaspray questioned.

"Actually I'm bisexual." Warpath explained.

"Hi Daniel!" Arcee called out.

"Hi Arcee!" Daniel called back, waving.

"What happened to those underprivileged kids you were sponsoring?" Warpath asked, annoyed at Seaspray's intrusion.

"Oh, these are them!" Seaspray told them.

"Underprivileged? But my dad's a cop and my mum's a doctor!" Sara pointed out.

"Yeah, and my parents are ambassadors." Daniel added.

"Yep, so I'm going to be taking these poor little urchins out to the zoo!" Seaspray exclaimed.

"Hey, that's great, now get lost!" Warpath snapped.

"Ok, ok, sheesh, snappy!" Seaspray exclaimed, rolling his eyes and taking the two teenagers with him.

"Ok, so where were we?" Warpath asked as he took Arcee's hand again.

"Forgot my hat." Seaspray called out as he ducked in and grabbed a hat.

"Will you get out of here?-!" Warpath shouted.

* * *

In the Author's base, Vlad was walking through the hallways. Suddenly, he felt a chill and a rush of wind behind him.

"Hello Aku." Vlad greeted without turning around.

"Ah, your senses are sharp." Aku complimented as he slid out of Vlad's shadow.

"Yes, well, when you're a vampire, they become quite attuned." Vlad replied.

"But can you truly call yourself a vampire? You don't drain live human blood, you break into blood banks." Aku pointed out.

"Well, unlike you, I am not a monster, I accept what I am, but I don't kill." Vlad explained.

"Oh? But what about that young man in New York? He was alive, was he not?" Aku asked, a smile on his face.

Vlad bristled "He was a murderer, he did not deserve to live."

"You bristled, did I upset you?" Aku asked, still smiling.

"Contrary to what you seem to think Aku, you do not scare me." Vlad replied confidently.

"Give it some time, I can make you afraid, I promise you that." Aku told him.

"Wha-?" Vlad began, before he felt himself being roughly picked up and slammed into a wall.

"Are you afraid yet?" Aku asked as he loomed over Vlad.

"No, but I think you should be!" Vlad exclaimed as he transformed into a large flock of bats.

"A cheap parlour trick, it is beneath me." Aku replied, rolling his eyes as the bats attempted to latch onto him, only for him to vanish in a puff of black smoke.

"What?" One of the bats asked in shock, before Aku rematerialised and swatted him out of the air.

The rest of the bats scattered, only for Aku to teleport all over the room and swat them all down. When they were all down, they transformed into dark blobs, before joining back together to form Vlad.

"Well now, are you afraid now?" Aku questioned.

Jenny gasped as she witnessed Aku standing over the beaten Vlad. In all her years of knowing Aku, he had never done something like this. Horrified, she turn and ran.

"Yes, run, it won't do you any good." Aku muttered as his eyes rested on Vlad's unconscious form.

* * *

At the zoo, Seaspray had taken Sara and Daniel to the aquatic exhibition, and now they were viewing the marine mammals.

"Seaspray? What's a blowhole for?"Daniel asked as he watched a porpoise cavort in the water.

"Well, I'll tell you what they're not for Daniel, and then you can understand why I can never go back to SeaWorld." Seaspray told the young boy.

Sara looked up at Seaspray in disgust. This was going to be a very long day.

Back at the base...

* * *

"...And then he beat him, he just beat him like it was nothing!" Jenny exclaimed as she finished telling the others what had happened.

"Hmmm, this could be a very serious problem." The Author muttered.

"No shit it's a problem! What the hell are we supposed to do?" Sparky asked.

"Calm down Sparky, we've faced threats before, we can handle this one." Lisa replied.

"Yeah, but Aku? He's a shape shifter, a necromancer, a shadow manipulator, immortal, hell, I swear he was created by Satan himself!" Crystal exclaimed.

Sparky whimpered "Oh, I had forgotten about the necromancy..."

"He was created by Mephistopheles actually..." Ashlyn muttered.

"Whatever! The point is we can still defeat him, all we need to do is band together!" Lisa exclaimed.

"Yes, you do that...I'll be hiding in my panic room." The Author told the others as he tried to walk away.

Suddenly, the security monitors in the room flickered, before they all showed Aku's face.

"You can try to run, you can try to hide, but rest assured, I will get to you, and then I will dispose of you." Aku told the others, seeming to be facing the Author.

"M-me?" The Author asked with a gulp.

"Yes, you, and when I do, I shall rule, anyone who resists shall be...dealt with..." Aku replied with a sadistic grin.

"Alright everyone, this is it, the big one! Get into battle positions!" Lisa commanded, before turning to a console.

"What are you doing?" Crystal asked.

"I'm sending in the Shrieklings, maybe they won't be able to defeat him, but at the very least they might be able to weaken him." Lisa answered.

The Shrieklings were the basic foot soldiers of the Author, being two and a half meters in height and resembling crosses between weasels, snakes and Blue Slaads, they were both intimidating and physically powerful. Of course, they had never faced a being as powerful as Aku before...

* * *

And back in the Autobot base, it was Seaspray's second day with Sara and Daniel. Right now, Daniel was on his cell phone, and Sara was fiddling around with a handheld game.

"Hey, come on you guys! Let's have some fun!" Seaspray called out to them.

Sara rolled her eyes in response "Fun? With you, I think that's pretty much impossible!"

"Uh huh? Really? Oh freaking sweet dude! Yes, yes, I know just the two!" Daniel spoke into his phone, before hanging up "Hey dudes, check it out! I just won a competition! And I'm taking you guys with me!"

"What competition?" Sara asked, not taking her eyes off her game.

"Well, three weeks ago, I mailed in a letter explaining why I wanted to win the competition, and they liked it so much that I won!" Daniel explained.

"Let me guess, you just wrote "I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really want to win" didn't you?" Sara asked.

"Yep! Sheer genius!" Daniel exclaimed.

"Alright! So, what did you win?" Seaspray asked.

"Here's the pamphlet." Daniel replied, handing it over to Seaspray.

Seaspray read it eagerly, before his eyes lit up "Hot damn! I'm going to SeaWorld!"

Sara fell out of her chair in a mixture of shock and horror.

* * *

Back in the base, the others were watching the Shrieklings on a security screen. They were all gathered around in a large, empty room with two doors on either end.

"Well, is he coming?" Hideki asked.

"He should have been through there by now...unless...he discovered a way around!" Lisa exclaimed.

"Oh crap!" Sparky shouted in horror "Oh God, not the zombies again! I can't handle more zombies! Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! Zombi-! Argh!"

"Calm down." Ashlyn said calmly as she backhanded Sparky.

"Hey, easy for you to say, you're not a necrophobe!" Sparky exclaimed as he picked himself up off of the ground.

"Wait, I think I see something!" James pointed out.

The others hurried to the screen to see a black mist seeping under the door.

"What the hell?" The Author murmured.

Suddenly, the black mist rapidly expanded, covering the whole room, the floor, the Shrieklings, even the security cameras. Seconds later, there were dozens of inhuman screams of terror and agony.

"What the hell is going on in there?" The Author asked, panic beginning to creep into his voice.

"Calm down, we're not going to let that animal get in, we assure you." Lisa told the Author.

"That's good, because I'm the one who's paying you all, remember? Remember?-!" The Author asked.

"Somebody knock him out or something!" Errol snapped.

"Gladly!" Sparky replied, whacking the Author over the head, sending him into unconsciousness.

"What now Sub Commander?" James asked Lisa.

"Now? Now we wait, and hope that we can repel him." Lisa replied.

* * *

Elsewhere...

"Thanks a lot Seaspray! You got us kicked out of SeaWorld!" Daniel snapped in anger.

"Hey, that Whale was totally coming onto me!" Seaspray attempted to defend himself.

"Oh for the love of-!" Sara exclaimed, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, what's that building over there?" Daniel asked, pointing to the adjacent building.

"That's a museum Daniel." Sara replied.

"Are they any fun?" Daniel asked.

"...Sure..." Sara answered.

"Well then let's go!" Daniel cried as he ran across the road, ignoring the red light and almost getting run over.

"Dumbass." Sara muttered under her breath as she and Seaspray followed him.

"Hey, you lied to me Sara! This isn't fun! This isn't fun at all!" Daniel exclaimed.

"I lie about a lot of things." Sara replied in a bored tone of voice.

"H-hello? Is someone there?" A timid voice called out.

"Just a two kids and a giant robot!" Seaspray called back.

"...What?" The voice asked.

"I know it sounds weird, but yes...there are two kids in a museum." Seaspray added.

"No, I meant-Never mind, could you come in here please? Through the door to your left?" The voice questioned.

"Walk into some mysterious room at the request of a total stranger whose appearance we don't know? Sure, what could go wrong with that?" Daniel exclaimed.

"Wow, what a weird place..." Sara muttered as she surveyed the room.

"This is my laboratory." A man replied as he approached them, he had brown hair, a beard, glasses and wore a lab coat, in other words, a scientist stereotype.

"I shall trust you completely since your are clearly a scientist!" Daniel told the man.

"Uh...thank you..." The man replied uncertainly.

"So, who are you?" Sara asked as she looked around the room.

"My name is Professor Marcus Slater, and I am working on a time machine." The man replied.

Sara looked at the man in surprise "That so? Well, I guess I'll just be going now, but Daniel and Seaspray will stay here to keep you company..." Sara told Professor Slater as she slowly edged towards the door.

"No! I swear I'm sane, here, permit me to show you." Slater said as he led the three to a sheet that covered a large object "And...Voila!"

Professor Slater ripped the sheet off to reveal a large machine with three chairs, wheels on one end, skis at the front, a handle with what looked to be a diamond on the top and a wheel at the back.

"That's a time machine?" Sara asked.

"Yes, permit me to demonstrate!" Professor Slater exclaimed as he sat inside the machine, pushed a few buttons and pulled a lever.

Suddenly, he disappeared in a flash of brilliant white light.

"W-where'd he go?" A confused Seaspray asked.

Suddenly, there was another flash of light, and the professor and his machine came back into existence.

"Exactly ten seconds into the future!" Professor Slater answered.

"Awesome." An astonished Sara muttered.

"Wow, that was...that was...wow!" Daniel exclaimed.

"Coooool..." Seaspray added.

"You see? Tine travel!" Professor Slater exclaimed.

"Can we test it out?" Daniel asked.

Professor Slater seemed apprehensive "Well, I don't know, you're just children...and one severely stupid robot..."

"It's ok professor, I'm the sane one, you can trust me." Sara told the professor.

"Hmmm...then I suppose so, just keep an eye on them." The professor warned.

"Ok then...wait, what about food? If we were to go into the future, or past, then our immune systems might not be able to handle the different foods." Sara pointed out.

"Smart girl" The Professor complimented "Well, I've already thought of that, see? I've packed a lunch!"

"Ok, but what about space? The Earth moves, but we'd stay in the same place, what about that?" Sara persisted.

Professor Slater beamed "You really are a smart girl! Well, you see, I've thought of that too, see, I've programmed the time machine to track the Earth's movements through space and follow it accordingly, so that when it stops, it should be in roughly the same location! Where did you learn so much about time travel complications?"

In response, Sara shrugged "Internet."

Professor Slater sighed and rolled his eyes "Of course. Anyway, go, explore the future!"

"We're already there!" Seaspray exclaimed as he leapt into the driver's seat and started fiddling around.

"Uh, gotta go, see ya later prof!" Sara exclaimed as she and Daniel leapt into the time machine.

And with that, the time machine disappeared in a bright flash of light.

"Hmmm, I hope that they don't do anything to mess up the time-Oh good God!" Professor Slater exclaimed in horror as his right hand mutated into a green lump of flesh with six long, tentacle like fingers.

* * *

The far flung future...

"That was mean Daniel." Sara reprimanded.

"Hey, I'm sure the Professor will think it's funny! Anyway, we're in the future now, so we have nothing to worry about!" Daniel exclaimed.

"Hmmm, I wonder if there are people around?" Sara asked.

"More importantly, are there any fish?" A lecherous Seaspray questioned as he looked around.

Suddenly, there was a rustling in a nearby bush, and out stepped a gold skinned, fair haired, androgynous midget. It seemed startled by their appearance.

"Eloi!" Sara gasped in shock "Holy shit! H.G. Wells was right!"

"The hells an Eloi?" Daniel asked.

"Eh nokk tel ah?" The Eloi spoke in a strange language.

At that moment however, a tall, powerfully built humanoid creature covered in shaggy grey fur burst out of the bush, pouncing on the Eloi and shoving it into a sack, which it swung into the ground, nearby trees and Seaspray repeatedly.

"Morlocks!" Sara cried.

"The hell is a Morlok?" Daniel asked.

"Aw, isn't he cute?" Seaspray asked as he stepped out of the time machine to get a closer look "Who's a cute Morlock? Is it you? Is it you? Yes it is!" Seaspray gushed.

"Ga fromm dek, ar-tok, okk okk tar?" The Morlock questioned in its own dialect.

Suddenly, even more Morlocks ran out into the open, all wielding nets and clubs.

"Shit! Time to leave!" Sara exclaimed as she pulled the lever.

"What about Seaspray?" Daniel asked.

"Screw Seaspray!"

The bright light served to repel the Morlocks, who fled from the light. Seaspray looked around, before wandering off. After a few minutes of walking, he came across another Eloi, this one possibly female, it was hard to tell.

Seaspray gasped "You're...beautiful!"

* * *

And even further into the future...

"Where are we?" Daniel asked.

"I don't know, it's too dark to see, and it's freaking cold!" Sara exclaimed.

"Hey then, let me warm you up baby!"

"Daniel, touch me and I swear to God-"

"Wait, what was that?" Daniel asked.

"What was what?" Sara questioned.

"I don't know, it sounded like a twig snapping or a-" Daniel began, only to be cut off by what sounded like a dozen rifles cocking.

"Shit!" Sara cursed.

Suddenly, the area was illuminated, and the two teenagers found themselves surrounded by Morlocks. These ones were different however, as these ones were covered in yellow armour, and half of them wielded silver and blue rifles, the other half wielded bulky looking rifles with two prongs in place of a barrel, electricity shooting from it. On closer inspection however, Sara realised that the "armour" was not attached, but actually grafted into the skin.

"What the-?" Sara asked.

"Halt, identify yourselves!" One of the Morlocks commanded.

"You...you speak English?" An astonished Sara gasped.

"No, we speak Galactic Common, the universal language of the Solar Federation." The Morlock replied.

"Uh...huh?" A confused Sara questioned.

"Wait, you look like...are you two humans?" A different Morlock asked.

"Yep, we sure are! Oh how human we are!" Daniel answered.

"He seems to be aggressive, stun him." The head Morlock ordered.

Instantly, a Morlock carrying one of the pronged rifles fired his weapon, and an arc of electricity shot forth and zapped Daniel, shocking him.

"Gah! The agony!" Daniel cried.

"Hmmm, I guess his skin isn't thick enough to handle it...oh well, what possible harm could it do?" The head Morlock realised.

"Hey, can I try that?" Sara asked.

"Well, you're an unidentified civilian, but sure, why not? You seem smarter than your friend!" The head Morlock replied "Tassris, give the girl your gun!"

Another Morlock handed Sara his gun.

"Cool!" Sara exclaimed "Daniel, this is for every bad thing you have ever said to me!" And with that, Sara fired, electrocuting Daniel some more...and then she zapped him again "And that's for all bad things you will say in the future!"

"All fun aside, you must come with us!" The head Morlock told the children.

"To where?" A dazed Daniel asked, only to be shocked again.

"Why, to the Sphere of course!" The Morlock replied.

"The Sphere?" Sara questioned.

"Why yes, it is the capital of the United Solar Federation." The head Morlock answered as he led the group away.

"Wait, what about the time machine?" Sara asked.

"Oh, do not worry, we shall take it with us."

The Morlocks led the two to a large clearing where a shuttle was located, boarding the shuttle, the group of Morlocks and humans lifted off.

* * *

"Here we are, the Sphere!" The pilot announced, pointing to the massive structure ahead of them.

"My God...it's a Dyson's Sphere!" Sara gasped.

"What, you mean Mike Tyson built this thing?" Daniel asked.

"No you idiot! Not a Tyson Sphere, a _Dyson's _sphere!" Sara snapped.

"So...it's inhabited by les-Oof!" Daniel grunted as Sara elbowed him in the stomach.

"Daniel? Just shut up before I really have to hurt you." Sara told her companion.

"Beginning docking procedure...now." The co-pilot said as he toggled a few...toggles.

Soon, the ship had flown into a massive hangar, where other, similar shuttles surrounded it.

"Impressive!" Sara exclaimed as she and Daniel walked down the boarding ramp.

Three Morlocks walked towards them, one clad in blue robes, the other two having more regal looking cybernetic implants and wielding rifles.

"Welcome most honoured guests to the Sphere, the capital of the Solar Federation. My name is Dakk'Tar." The robed Morlock introduced himself.

"Uh, hi...um, what is this place exactly?" Sara asked.

"Follow me, I will show you." Dakk'Tar told the two as he walked off, closely accompanied by his personal guard.

"So much has changed since we were last here...science marches on I guess." Sara muttered as she and Daniel followed Dakk'Tar.

"Well, not exactly..." Dakk'Tar replied as he showed the two...a massive hologram of Seaspray, the plaque underneath reading "_OUR SAVIOUR"_.

"What. The. Hell?" A shocked Sara asked.

"We were told that one day, a pair of humans would walk among us by our holy leader, Seaspray, and lo and behold, the prophecy has been fulfilled." Dakk'Tar breathed in wonder.

"What happened here? You worship Seaspray?" Sara asked.

"Yes, many eons ago, Seaspray appeared before us. He sired many children with the Morlocks, the Eloi and many others, before uniting the people of the Earth under one banner. Working together and putting aside our petty squabbles, we were able to rebuild our lost civilisation and start anew. Soon, he showed us how to master space travel and advanced construction, and so we created the Sphere, where we gather energy, as it surrounds the sun. Sadly, lord Seaspray perished when a group of radicals destroyed a small section of the interior of the Sphere, sending him tumbling into the very sun itself...it was an awesome death though." Dakk'Tar explained.

"Oh yeah, totally awesome." The guards agreed.

"Strange, you don't seem to be particularly stupid or insane." Sara muttered.

"Perhaps it is our enhanced cybernetics, they greatly increase our strength, speed and intelligence...plus it automatically kills any Morlock that looks like Jeremy Irons."

"Hey guys, what's up?" A Morlock who looked strangely similar to Jeremy Irons asked...before his head spontaneously exploded.

"So...do we have statues too?" An excited Daniel asked.

"Oh, of course, they're right over there!" Dakk'Tar pointed out.

To the left of the Seaspray hologram was one of Sara, she was frowning and had her arms crossed, the plaque underneath read "_ANNOYING WHINING GIRL"_

"Son of a bitch!" Sara cursed.

"And mine?" Daniel asked, eyes still gleaming with hope.

Dakk'Tar pointed to the right, and there stood a picture of a grinning Daniel in a jester's outfit, one hand outstretched in a thumbs up, the other holding a hand grenade. His plaque read "_DUMBASS"_

"Oh my God..." Daniel gasped "This is...this is...kickass! Oh sweet man! My own freaking statue! Yes! Yes!"

Sara rolled her eyes "Jeez, you really are a dumbass."

"Come, we have much to show you." Dakk'Tar told them, pulling out a gold, blue and white cub with a small hole in the top "This for example, is a dimensional pocket cube, with it, you can store an infinite number of objects in a pocket dimension."

"Are there...more of these things?" Sara asked.

"Sure, they're right over there in the gift shop." Dakk'Tar pointed out.

Sara and Daniel walked over to see that it was being run by an Eloi in a mechanical suit that resembled a steel barrel on its side, with two small grasping appendages and a pair of thick legs on either side of its body.

"Cool." Daniel muttered.

"Come children, we shall now see the armoury!" Dakk'Tar called out.

"Oh yes! Freaking sweet dude!" Daniel cried out as he ran over.

Making sure that no one was watching, Sara snatched a dimensional pocket cube, slipped it into her pocket and walked off.

* * *

Back in the base...

"Alright guys, get ready, he'll be here any second now." Lisa told the others.

Errol walked up to her "Listen, Lisa...if this doesn't go the way we planned it to, I just want you to know that-"

"Sssh" Lisa cut him off "I promise you that we're going to get through this ok, then we can go out, and we'll be happy, ok?"

Errol nodded his head "Ok."

"Good, now get into position." Lisa ordered.

Suddenly, a black mist began to drift through the crack under the door.

"Here he comes!" James cried.

"Positions!" Lisa commanded.

As the black mist began to take shape, the minions jumped back. Finally, Aku stood there.

"Come out come out wherever you are." Aku said quietly.

Suddenly, they all jumped out, either brandishing weapons or their own natural abilities.

"It's over Aku, no one here is going to let you pass. We all swore to work for the Author, we didn't betray him during the coup, and we're sure not going to betray him for some undead freak like you!" Lisa told Aku.

"Oh really? Well, that is quite a shame, I had such hopes that you would see reason." Aku replied, picking at an imaginary speck of dirt under his pristine fingernails.

"You're going to pay for what you did to my brother shadow spawn!" Gauntlet spat as he raised his gauntlet.

"Well, we shall have to see, won't we?" Aku asked, a smirk on his face.

Suddenly, an abnormally large white tiger leapt at Aku from behind. Quick as lightning however, Aku turned and swatted him out of the air, sending him flying.

"You always were one for attacking people when their backs were turned, weren't you Errol?" Aku asked as he watched Errol transform back into a human.

"You don't scare me demon! I've dealt with your kind before!" Errol spat.

"Oh? I assume you mean that business with Simon." Aku replied with a smug grin.

Errol looked shocked "How...how do you know about that?"

Aku grinned, a sadistic, malicious smile that frightened all those present "Oh, I know quite a bit about you. I know about all of you. Errol, I know about your friend Simon's descent into depression, his deal with that demon, his death, his return...I know that he killed your sister, and I know what you did to him after that...it wasn't pretty, was it?" Aku asked.

Lisa turned to Errol "What is he talking about?"

Aku turned to face Crystal "Crystal, you're father died, and your stepfather, he didn't care for you, did he? So you ran, you ran and hid, scrounging off what you could find." Now he turned to James "James, your parents disowned you when they found out about your relationship with Crystal, they couldn't stand their only son having a relationship with an urchin, so they cut you off, and you resent her for it, don't you?"

James looked horrified "N-no! It's not true!"

Aku grinned, before turning to Hideki "You used your powers to help a stranger from a mob, didn't you? Of course, you wiped out the power for a mile radius, oh, the people with pace makers and respirators, how they must have...gone."

Hideki clenched his teeth and started to sweat "I didn't know...I didn't know!"

"Ashlyn, your parents were devoutly religious, and they couldn't stand a monster for a daughter, so they abandoned you, hoping that you would die."

Ashlyn merely shrugged "News to me."

"And Aqua, you've died once already, haven't you?"

Aqua shivered and stepped backwards "No...Not there...please..."

"Jenny, your parents were alcoholics, they beat your regularly, until one day, you couldn't take anymore, so you hit back. Of course, you didn't know about your powers then, so you sent your father flying through the roof, oh, your mother was so frightened, wasn't she? She called you a monster, an animal, a _demon! _And Sparky, you had a best friend, her name was Natalie, wasn't it? Oh, but then _he _showed up, didn't he? And you remember finding her body, you remember what _he _did to her. You were never quite the same after that, were you? So you did horrible things to him, didn't you? You made him suffer, just as she suffered."

Sparky began shaking with rage "Shut up! Just shut up! You think you can shake us? Rattle us with all this crap? I'll kill you!"

"Sparky no!" James cried as Sparky launched himself at Aku.

"Fool." Aku muttered as he transformed one hand into a long, smoking tendril of darkness.

Effortlessly, he struck Sparky, sending him skidding across the room.

"Who's next?" Aku asked with a grin.

James grunted as he concentrated, and suddenly, he was covered in a thick icy shell. Raising his hands, he launched a frosty must at Aku, freezing whatever got in the way. Crystal added her power into the mix by launching a continuous stream of flame, until there was an incredible explosion.

"Boo." Aku whispered as he teleported in front of James, grabbing him and smashing him into the floor, before turning and swatting Crystal away as she tried to charge up a fireball.

"Rush him!" Lisa cried as she ran forward.

"Oh goody, I do so relish a fight." Aku murmured as he transformed both of his hands into those wisps of black smoke.

Hi s first blow struck Aqua as she leapt at him, a whip made out of semi-solidified water in one hand. She didn't let out a sound as she was sent flying away. Gauntlet was next, he tried to fire off some kind of energy beam from his gauntlet, only for Aku to reflect the blast back at him, slamming him into the wall behind him. Errol let out a roar as he transformed into a massive tiger/human hybrid and brought both massive fists down into the ground, his blow complimented by Ashlyn, who let out a breath of fire which scorched the floor. Aku merely teleported before he was struck, before striking him, launching him into the air, striking Ashlyn and sending her falling to the ground.

"Demon!" Hideki cried as he charged him with his sword.

"Hah, it was foolish of you to announce your attack." Aku replied as he sidestepped the blade.

"Unlike you, I won't kill an unaware opponent!" Hideki cried as he slashed again.

"That's what sets us apart, I am not afraid to break the rules, while you..." Aku trailed off as he grabbed Hideki and lifted him up into the air "...Are a pitiful little boy scout."

With that, Aku tossed Hideki away as if he were nothing, his body bouncing off the Author's throne. While his attention was distracted, Jenny swung a punch which connected, sending Aku flying into a wall, smashing it.

"I got him!" Jenny called out to Lisa, not noticing the stirring in the rubble.

"Jenny look out!" Lisa cried.

"Huh-? Oof!" Jenny grunted as a long smoky tendril struck her with the same amount of force, knocking her away.

Aku stepped out of the rubble, transforming his hand back to normal "And so it comes to this, Aku versus Lisa, the redheaded stepchild of the group. You have no powers, what makes you think that you could stop me?"

"I can certainly try!" Lisa snarled as she raised her fists.

"Go ahead, hit me with your best shot, fire away!" Aku chuckled at his little joke.

"Yaaaahhh!" Lisa cried as she ran at Aku, striking him.

Needles to say that Aku was very surprised when he was thrown backwards.

"Unexpected...only someone with powerful light based power could do that to me." Aku muttered as he stood up and wiped a trail of blood from the corner of his mouth.

"There's a lot that you don't know about me demon, now, bring it on!" Lisa goaded, flexing her fingers.

"Gladly." Aku replied as he glided quickly towards her.

* * *

Back at the Sphere...

"...And this is our armoury, where our soldiers train!" Dakk'Tar announced as he led Daniel and Sara into the room.

"Whoa!" Daniel gasped as he stepped into the room.

The entire room featured wall to wall weapons, from rifles to pistols to halberds to...a sand pit at the opposite end of the room. Standing in front of the pit was the epitome of masculinity, a deeply tanned, muscled humanoid, neither Morlock nor Eloi, with long black hair that was tied back. His arms and legs were covered by a crimson metal, his hands ended in sharp claws and his spine was protected by more cybernetic implants. In one hand he held a large red and gold kanabo like club, only it lacked spikes or studs, instead it had dozens of tiny speakers.

"Master Gunnery Sergeant, these are our guests, Daniel and Sara." Dakk'Tar introduced.

"Pleased to meet you." The Gunnery Sergeant greeted.

"Gah! You are sooooo dreamy!"

"Uh...thank you, I could have gone my entire life without hearing you say that Daniel..." The Gunnery Sergeant replied nervously.

"Me too..." Sara added, stepping away from Daniel.

"Why don't you show the humans some of your equipment?" Dakk'Tar suggested.

"Gladly, here in my hands I hold a sonic club." The Sergeant explained, raising his club.

"What's it do?" Daniel asked.

In response, the Sergeant turned to face the pit and brought the club down hard. Instantly, a massive shockwave surged forwards, spraying dust everywhere.

"Magnificent!" Sara exclaimed.

"Isn't it? And that's just the most basic weapon. Come, let me show you the rifle range!" The Sergeant told them as he set down his club and walked off towards another room.

As the others walked out, Sara made sure to steal the club.

* * *

"...Lady and Gentlemen, the rifles range." The Sergeant announced as he led the group into the room.

"Super cool!" Daniel exclaimed, running about the room "Hey, what's this do? What's this do?"

"I've seen this gun before, the Morlocks that brought us here had them." Sara murmured as she walked up to the silver and blue rifle she saw earlier.

"Not quite, those were police issue rifles, these are military grade. Whereas the police only have two settings, freeze and kill, ours have many more. Here, let us see..." The Sergeant told Sara as he picked up a rifle.

Walking up to the firing range, he pressed a button. Instantly, several holograms popped up. All seemed to be a bizarre hybrid of fish, human, crab and machine, having humanoid bodies, with scales, fish like faces, razor sharp teeth, four long, crab like legs sticking out of their backs and various cybernetic implants.

"Watch this." The Sergeant told Sara as he raised his rifle and fired.

A small purple pellet shot out of the rifle and suddenly exploded when it was in the middle of the room. In its place was a meter wide spot where there was...absolutely nothing, not even light. The holograms were promptly sucked in, while a digital countdown suddenly flashed across the void in alien numbers. When the countdown stopped, so did the void, it seemed to collapse in on itself.

"That was its black hole feature, it also has incendiary, acid and cellophane, among others." The Sergeant replied.

"Cool! I want one! I want one!" Daniel cried, jumping up and down...and accidentally running across the rifle range, where he was hit by a cellophane pellet and found himself wrapped up in the stuff.

With everyone suitably distracted, Sara proceeded to steal even more weaponry with her handy dandy hypercube.

When she had grabbed enough, she turned to the Sergeant "What were those things that you were shooting at?"

"Those? Those are the scum of the solar system, they are the Dektoran, a race of bastard fish people who dare to blaspheme against the holy lord Seaspray by daring to claim that he sired them with the aid of a sea bass! The audacity!" Dakk'Tar exclaimed.

Sara rolled her eyes "Yeah...real hard to believe."

"For their lies, we drove them from the Earth, and they have since set up thousands of colonies amongst the asteroids in the asteroid belt in the system. From time to time they lash out, but they are weak, their numbers too few. Besides, we have three other systems in our grasp, and we predict that in seventeen thousand years we shall have constructed the first ever artificial solar system." Dakk'Tar added.

"Artificial solar system?" Daniel asked, having ripped himself free of the cellophane.

"Why yes, we construct this enormous Dyson's Ring, even bigger than the Sphere, power it with nuclear material, heat up the interior to millions of degrees until lava forms and drag it into a suitable, isolated spot in space. From there, we construct enormous metal shells and cover them in rocks from collected asteroids and meteorites, before terraforming the rock. For water, we collect comets, melt them, purify them and have freighters cover the planet." The Morlock elder explained.

"Wow...this place is awesome!" Sara exclaimed.

"Sure is Sara, it sure is." Daniel agreed.

Suddenly, blaring lights flashed, and a siren...sounded throughout the base.

"What's happening? Is it a space cow? Did we hit a space cow?" A panicked Daniel asked.

"No, we're under attack! Must be those damn Dektoran again! Quickly, we must get you back home!" Dakk'Tar exclaimed as he grabbed the two and ran off.

"No! I still have more stuff to stea-Uh, I mean...never mind!" Sara cried as she was dragged along roughly.

"Humans, it has been an honour meeting you, but now I must bid you adieu...bye!" Dakk'Tar cried as he shoved the two roughly into the time machine and pressed a few buttons.

"You know how to activate it too?" An astonished Sara asked.

"Our lord and saviour Seaspray told us how to do that too!" Dakk'Tar explained, before he vanished.

"Best trip ever!" Daniel muttered as he jumped up out of his seat...and fell out off the time machine and was sent hurtling through the time stream...until he landed in the present and struck Dirge as he was flying overhead, sending him careening into the ground, killing him.

Luckily (or perhaps unluckily) Daniel was completely fine.

* * *

Back in the base...

Lisa panted as she swapped blows with Aku. Although it had looked good at first, this power of hers was rapidly draining her energy, and while Aku was certainly weakened, he was far from beaten.

"You seem to be growing tired, would you like to quit, little girl?" Aku asked snidely.

"Never!" Lisa cried as she rushed Aku, fists raised...

...And promptly bounced off an invisible barrier that Aku had raised.

And that was it, she had no more strength left to fight, she was done.

"I'm...sorry...I failed..." Lisa whispered.

"Well, that was fun." Aku said as he stood over Lisa.

"Go on...finish it..." Lisa gasped weakly.

"No, I think not." Aku replied.

"Why...not?"

"Because, then I would never get a chance to do this again." Aku responded.

"What?" A confused Lisa asked.

"This was all part of a...game that I was playing. I wanted to see if I could beat you all if I wanted, and I did." Aku explained.

"So, you were never going to kill us?" Lisa questioned.

"No."

"But...then you could go rogue at any time, and there wouldn't be a thing that any of us could do to stop you?"

Aku leaned forward and grinned "Precisely."

Lisa closed her eyes. She felt utterly helpless knowing that should this ever occur for real, there was not a thing that she could do to stop it.

Nothing at all.

FIN.

* * *

Villain Sue: A powerful and evil character that is nigh unstoppable.

Mood Whiplash: Frequent transitions from the light hearted and often comical to the dark and violent.

Plot Hole: An error or inconstancy in the story, such as how a time machine designed to remain in the same spot ended up in space and somehow managed to return to Earth with no explanation.


	32. Chapter 32

Vlad: Greetings people, and welcome to yet another instalment of...they just don't care anymore...

Author: Say it-

Vlad: Ask me to say it right, and I'll drain your blood.

Author: Eep! D-duly noted.

Vlad: Right, now that he's gone, let us begin. For starters, the Author does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters that are involved with The Transformers. Now, this chapter is special, because it was suggested by a fan, XspriteyX in it the Transformers meet the Thunderbirds...no, we're not kidding, and yes, it's another crossover. So, yeah...Please enjoy the following story, don't forget to review and finally...thanks for reading. Annyeong everybody.

* * *

In the Autobot base, Jazz was sitting alone in his room, reading, when suddenly...

BAM!

"Jazz! Get your ass out here! We've got work to do!" Optimus snapped as he barged into the room.

Jazz simply sighed "What work?"

"We've gotten reports-and by that I mean the random guessing of Cliffjumper-that the Decepticons are working on some kind of super secret project out in the middle of the ocean!" Optimus answered.

"So? What do you want me to do about it?" Jazz questioned.

"I want you to take a team of Autobots out there and check!" Optimus replied.

Jazz sighed once more "Fine, I'll go get Arcee, Perceptor, Ultra-"

"Oh no, you're not taking them" Optimus interrupted "No, they're not special enough, we need a team who's really, _really _special!"

Jazz looked nervous "Who?"

"You'll be taking Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Tracks, Warpath, the Throttlebots, Starscream's ghost, and Broadside, he'll be your vehicle!"

Jazz's right eye twitched "Optimus, you son of a bitch."

Optimus chuckled in response "Ok, I see that you're excited to be taking such an awesome team, so I'll leave you to pack...toodles!"

As soon as Optimus had left, Jazz smashed his head into the nearest wall "FU-!"

* * *

Jazz stood outside of Tracks' room, about to enter. Suddenly, he heard strange noises. It sounded like...groaning and panting?

"I better not regret this." Jazz muttered as he slowly opened the door.

He was shocked by what he saw.

"Oh yeah! Come on! Yeah!" Tracks cried out.

"Uh, Tracks, why are you making sweet, sweet robot love to a pillow?" A horrified Jazz asked.

Tracks squealed and covered himself "What the hell?-! You're not Mr. Warpath!"

"Uh, no, no I'm not...wait, were you trying to make him jealous?" Jazz asked, eyes wide open.

"Yes-No!...Maybe..." Tracks replied uncertainly.

"That is messed up dude, you cheated on him." Jazz pointed out.

"Hey, that wasn't my fault! Sunstorm was just so...so shiny, ya know? And he did these things with his-" Tracks began, only to be cut off by a squicked out Jazz.

"Ew! I don't wanna know! I don't wanna know!" Jazz exclaimed, waving his arms about.

"Well what do you want?" Tracks asked.

"Uh, we've been assigned to go out on a mission to the Pacific Ocean." Jazz replied.

"Oh...ok, anyone else coming?"

"Uh..." Jazz began.

"WHAT?-!" Tracks' resulting scream could be heard all throughout the base.

* * *

By the beach, the Autobots had gathered around there massive, uh...associate, Broadside, who was to serve as their transport.

"What's this all about Jazz?" Searchlight asked.

"Yeah, and why is this bastard here?" An irate Warpath asked, motioning towards Tracks.

"Dance with us Jazz! Dance with us into oblivion!" Rollbar cried.

"Uh...right...anyway, we are all here because there are unconfirmed rumours-or just the wild guessings of that jackass Cliffjumper-of the Decepticons residing in the Pacific Ocean, and it is out job to investigate...or something..." Jazz answered.

"As the most obvious choice, I believe that I should lead this expedition!" Chase piped up.

"Oh no, not again!" Goldbug protested.

"Yeah, do you remember what happened the last time you were in charge?" Sideswipe asked.

"I put the fires out!" Chase exclaimed.

"You made them worse!" Sideswipe pointed out.

"Worse...or better?" Chase asked.

Jazz sighed "Ok, all of you freaks just shut up and get aboard the big dumbass." Jazz ordered.

"It's a-me! Broadside!" Broadside greeted as he transformed into an aircraft carrier.

"Get on the damn boat!" Jazz snapped.

Everyone rushed onto Broadside, not wishing to piss off the already stressed Jazz.

* * *

"...Ok, ok, I got another one!" Freeway exclaimed as his laughs died down.

Searchlight sighed "I swear to God Freeway-"

"What do you call a psychotic freak with a split personality?" Freeway asked, waiting briefly for an answer "Ya call him Searchlight!"

Searchlight's normally calm and sane demeanour suddenly cracked and he took on a look of pure rage "I am trying to enjoy this boat ride, can't you see that I am trying to enjoy this boat ride?-!"

Freeway flinched "...Yo mamma's so fat that her driver's licence is double sided..."

In response, Searchlight tossed him over the side.

Not far away, Wide Load was talking on his phone.

"Hello? Yes, Julie? Hi Julie, it's Wide Load. What? It's Wide Load! Uh huh...yeah...hey, listen Julie, shut up for a sec...yeah, shut up. Julie-Julie, shut up! No, Julie, shut up! Shu-Hey!" Wide Load exclaimed as Sunstreaker snatched his phone away from him, crushed it in his hand, threw it to the ground and then stepped on it.

"I hate you." Sunstreaker said simply before walking off.

When he was gone, Wide Load pulled out another phone "Hello, Julie? Yeah, shut up-"

The phone was promptly shot out of Wide Load's hands.

And on the bow, Goldbug, Rollbar, Chase, Warpath, Sideswipe and Starscream's ghost were playing volleyball...and by volleyball, I mean they were tossing around the missiles that they had found within Broadside.

Jazz sighed as he watched the crippling stupidity of his fellow "Broadside, how much longer until we get there?"

"Get where?" Broadside asked.

"To our destination." Jazz answered through gritted teeth.

"Oh...I drifted off course hours ago!" Broadside replied.

"...What?" A furious Jazz questioned.

"Yep, I was chasing the dolphins!" Broadside replied.

Jazz's expletive was heard for miles by nearby fisherman.

"Turn around you stupid son of a bitch, before I go down there and break everything!" Jazz snapped.

"Ok, ok, sheesh let me see..." Broadside muttered, before making several loud grunting noises "I can't."

"What, why?" Jazz asked.

"I tossed out my helm." Broadside answered.

"You tossed out you-? Why the hell would you do that?-!"

"Duh, to make room for the tuna!" Broadside replied.

"ARGH!" Jazz screamed in anger, blasting away into Broadside's deck and throwing Dirge overboard...no one was quite sure how he got there...he was promptly chewed up by Broadside's propellers.

"So...what now?" Starscream's ghost asked.

"What now? I'll tell you "what now" you stupid freak! We're going to drift helplessly until we hit something, that's what we're going to do now!" Jazz screamed.

In response, Starscream's ghost ran off, crying.

"What a freak." Goldbug muttered.

"Hmmm, well, that might be all well and good for you losers, but we can fly, so, later bitches!" Sunstreaker exclaimed as he and Sideswipe flew off...before crash landing into Broadside's conning tower.

"Dumbasses." Goldbug muttered.

"I'm in so much pain..." Sideswipe muttered as he and his brother lay in a heap.

Suddenly, Broadside was shaken violently as he struck something, knocking everyone off their feet.

"What was that?" Searchlight asked.

"Probably yo mamma going for a swim!" Freeway snarked, laughing at his own joke before Searchlight broke all of his teeth with one punch.

"It looks like an island." Goldbug muttered.

"A mongoose island?" Rollbar asked.

"...No..." Goldbug answered after a pause.

"Then I shall conquer it in the name of the mighty Autobot Empire!" Chase cried, jumping off of Broadside and planting a flag in the island.

"We don't have an empire dumbass." Jazz pointed out.

"But...the pants command me to claim this place for our empire! Do not ignore my veins!" Chase exclaimed.

Jazz sighed "At this point, I'm beyond questioning anything."

"Let's go exploring!" Tracks suggested.

"Phffft, great idea there genius!" Warpath said sarcastically.

"Let me see! Let me see!" Broadside cried, transforming back into oversized robot mode (sending everyone flying in the process), before running off.

Jazz picked himself up and dusted off "Alright everyone, let's spread out and explore this island. Warpath, you take Tracks, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe and Starscream's ghost and cover the East side of the island, me, the Throttlebots and the big damn lunatic will cover the west."

"Do I have to take Tracks?" Warpath asked.

"Yes." Jazz answered firmly "Now get going before something else happens!"

Warpath sighed "Yes sir. Alright troops, let's move out!"

With Team Two gone, Jazz turned to face the Throttlebots "Right, let's get going. Wide Load, Chase, Rollbar, you take the rear...where I won't have to listen to you. Goldbug, Searchlight, you're with me, since at least you're relatively sane."

"I have a split personality disorder." Searchlight pointed out.

"Well, at least you're sane half of the time." Jazz replied wearily, before he trekked off.

* * *

Up on a building on the island...

"Hmmm, what's this?" Virgil asked as he looked at the security monitors and saw...seven giant robots making their way towards the base "Well this is...weird, even for us. Dad!"

"What is it Virgil?" Jeff asked as he made his way into the control room.

"Uh, well this is going to sound strange, but...giant robots are walking towards the base." Virgil answered uncertainly.

Jeff looked surprised "You're right, that is weird."

"Any ideas on what we should do about them?" Virgil asked.

"Are they armed?" Jeff questioned.

"It would appear so." Virgil answered.

"Hmmm, monitor their actions and see if they pose a threat to us." Jeff told his son.

"Right dad."

"Oh God damn it Rollbar! Get that squirrel out of your mouth!"

"Why my squirrel! I loveded you squirrel! I loveded you!"

Virgil and Jeff stared at the screen "So...I don't think they're a threat."

* * *

"How much further is it? My beautiful feet are getting tired, and I'm sure Julie is worried about me!" Wide Load complained.

"Shut up, we don't even know if this island is inhabited." Jazz replied.

"Uh, yeah, I think it is." Goldbug said as he pointed out a large building.

"Yes! Pedicures, manicures, Julie, here I come!" Wide Load exclaimed as he rushed towards the large building.

"I'm gonna get me a burrito!" Rollbar cried as he followed Wide Load.

"Oooh, a pool!" Broadside gasped.

"All kneel before the mighty...might of Chase and the Autobot Empire!" Chase shouted as he leapt after the others.

Jazz sighed.

* * *

"What. The. Hell?" An astonished Scott asked as he walked outside to see a number of giant robots cavorting around.

"Uh, sorry about all this." Jazz apologised as he approached the befuddled human.

"Uh, what's going on around here?" Scott questioned.

"Yeah, long story short, we were supposed to be on the lookout for a band of insane soldiers, but due to a case of terminal stupidity we crash landed here...sorry about that." Jazz explained.

"Oh...ok then...would you...like to come inside?" Scott offered.

"Sure...do you have anything for headaches? Being around these lunatics is bound to kill me one day."

* * *

"Well Galvatron, it looks like the Autobots might discover our location." Cyclonus murmured as he stood beside his leader.

"But how did they know that we were out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, upgrading Trypticon?" Galvatron asked in confusion.

"Who knows, what's important now is what we do about the Autobots." Scourge said.

"Right...Scrapper! How's Trypticon coming along?" Galvatron called out.

"His upgrades are eighty nine percent completed sir!" Scrapper called back...and then something exploded, killing Dirge "Uh...better make that eighty four percent sir."

"Well, what now?" Cyclonus asked in a bored tone of voice.

"Oh, don't worry, we've got a mole inside the base even as we speak! I put him there when I discovered that island, just in case." Galvatron reassured with a smile.

* * *

Tracy Island...

Alan walked through the halls of the building, everything was as it should be, potted plant, crack in the drywall, large robot masquerading as a Mountain Dew machine, windo-wait, what? Large robot masquerading as a Mountain Dew machine?

Alan walked backwards to survey the robot "What the fu-? Brain! Have we always had this evil robot in the hall? Is it one of yours?"

The robot suddenly jerked forwards "Rargh! Dispensor not robot! Dispensor Mountain Dew Machine!"

Alan blinked "Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure you're a robot."

"Dispensor not robot! Dispensor dispenses refreshing Mountain Dew!" Dispensor shouted.

"Yeah, I don't think-" Alan began, only to be cut off when Dispensor shoved a giant cannon in his face.

"Dispensor not robot! You buy Dispensor Mountain Dew! You quench thirst!" Dispensor roared.

"Ok, ok!" Alan exclaimed quickly, whipping out his wallet and rummaging around through it "Uh, I don't have any change..."

"Grargh! Dispensor smash!" Dispensor cried.

"Oh crap-!" Alan muttered as Dispensor brought his fists down on him, smashing him to the ground, and then fired a few rounds of Mountain Dew at him, before running off to cause some random destruction.

* * *

"...And so, that's why we're here." Jazz finished explaining to the Tracy's.

"Well, that's...quite a story." Jeff said as he put down his coffee.

"Spooky, yes?" Chase asked.

"Didn't we...didn't we end up banishing you?" Searchlight asked his comrade.

"Oh, I quit that." Chase replied.

"You quit being banished?-!" An astonished Searchlight questioned.

Goldbug cleared his throat "Ahem, in any case, we'd appreciate it if you could aid us in our search."

"We'd be glad to help, wouldn't we dad?" Gordon asked.

"Yes, I'll just call John up and have him see if anyone reported giant robot attacks...wow, never thought I'd have to say that again..." Jeff muttered.

"Again?" Wide Load asked, raising a nonexistent eyebrow.

"Long story, don't ask, ends in total destruction of Detroit." Gordon replied.

Suddenly, an alarm began sounding, and a picture on the wall began to flash.

"Dad, John reporting in." A voice suddenly broke in.

"Oh, John, I was just about to call you, how are things?" Jeff asked.

"Not now dad, we've gotten reports of a...giant robot dinosaur rampaging around Washington D.C., accompanied by six, uh...transforming robot jets...yeah..." John reported.

"Huh, well that was fast...FAB John."

"FAB dad." John answered, signing out.

Jeff turned and faced his children and his guests "Alright, we've got an emergency in Washington D.C. and it looks like it might be the people you're looking for Jazz."

"Excellent, we'll leave immediately, thank you for your hospitality but we must be-"Jazz began, only to be interrupted.

"Hold on there, we're going with you. You see, we operate a sophisticated rescue operation here, and we dedicate our lives to helping the innocent...yep." Jeff replied.

"Oh, ok...but how are you going to get there?" Jazz asked.

"Oh, we have our ways, come, let us show you." Jeff replied, leading the way.

Jazz turned to Goldbug who shrugged and followed.

* * *

"Behold our mighty Thunderbirds!" Jeff exclaimed as he brought the Autobots to the hangar of Thunderbird 3.

Searchlight whistled in appreciation "Impressive."

"isn't it?" Jeff asked "Yep, this baby s fast. How fast? Real fast!"

"Yes, it certainly–Broadside! Stop doing that to Thunderbird 3!" Jazz shouted in anger and disgust.

"But we're in love!" Broadside protested.

"Yes, I can see that...although I wish I hadn't and no amount of brain bleach is going to make me forget it and-Get off the damn machine!" Jazz snapped.

"Aw..."

"Right..." A shocked Virgil muttered "Anyway, we had better get going to our own ships."

A few minutes later, the Autobots had boarded Thunderbird 2 and were on their way...except for Broadside who was too big and had to stay behind with Gordon.

* * *

"Well, here we are, Washington D.C. Wow, your friend really did a number on this place." Virgil whistled as he surveyed the smoking ruins of the city.

"Damn! Are they still here?" Searchlight asked, before his face suddenly darkened "Because if they're not..."

"I see 'em, they're just beside the Washington monument." Scott reported from Thunderbird 1.

"Right, I'll fly over and then I'll deploy you guys, ok?" Virgil asked.

"Sounds like a plan." Jazz replied.

"Ok, we're directly over them...now! Go, go, go!" Virgil cried as he opened up the cargo hatch.

"Bonzai!" Goldbug exclaimed as he and the others jumped out.

"My hair! My beautiful nonexistent hair!" Wide Load screamed in horror as his "hair" was messed up by the winds.

Below them, Trypticon, Cyclonus, Scourge, Slugslinger, Triggerhappy, Misfire and Dirge were flying around, causing all sorts of carnage. Suddenly, Dirge was crushed by Rollbar as he fell from the sky.

"What the-?" A surprised Slugslinger asked as more Autobots dropped from the sky.

"Autobots, attack!" Jazz ordered as he and the others landed.

"TRYPTICON DESTROY!" Trypticon roared as he unleashed a fiery breath.

"Yargh!" Wide Load, Rollbar and Chase screamed as they were all horribly roasted by the blast.

"Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this!" Misfire cackled with glee as he opened fire...and missed every single time "Oh God damn it!"

In response, Searchlight shot him.

"I shall destroy you!" Triggerhappy cried as he shot at Jazz...who simply absorbed the shot "Um...be my friend?"

"TRYPTICON KILL!" Trypticon shouted as he slammed his tail into the ground, narrowly missing Goldbug and Jazz, who managed to dive to safety.

Unfortunately for them, Scourge and Dirge stood over them as they struggled to get up.

"Aha! Looks like we've got the better position here Dirge! If they move, waste 'em!" Scourge commanded.

At that point however, they were both crushed by a gigantic wheel. Dirge was killed.

"What the hell?" An astonished jazz asked as he looked up to see...a gigantic fighter jet.

"Surprised?" Broadside asked as he transformed back into robot mode "Yeah, see, I'm a triple changer, but I just plain forgot!"

Jazz's right eye twitched.

"TRYPTICON NOT AFRAID OF BIG PLANE! TRYPTICON STILL SMASH!" Trypticon roared.

"Bring it on big man!" Broadside exclaimed...and was promptly batted aside by Trypticon.

"Oh crap..." Jazz muttered as Trypticon turned to face him, Goldbug and Searchlight...

...And was suddenly enveloped in a beam of energy.

"What. The. Hell?" A stunned Searchlight asked.

"I'm amazed we didn't bring this out earlier, all it needed was some spare batteries!" Sunstreaker exclaimed as he, Sideswipe, Warpath, Tracks and Starscream's ghost flew down.

"You mean that was..." Jazz trailed off.

"Yep, my old diamond powered death laser!" Sunstreaker answered with a triumphant grin.

"Hug...talk about a Deus Ex Machina..." Goldbug muttered.

"Uh, hey guys?" Slugslinger asked "me and Cyclonus were wondering if we could put this whole business behind us and go out for some drinks, what do you say?"

The Autobots all turned to face each other.

"Yeah."

"Sure."

"Sounds like a plan."

And so, they all got hammered...and made the passed out Broadside pay for it all.

* * *

Vlad: And, end of chapter 32. Yep, well, that's the end of crossovers for a while, it'll be pure Transformers stuff from now on...or until the Author gets inspired by something from TV...Yep, well, anyway, we hope that you enjoyed the following chapter, please feel free to leave a review, and finally...thanks for reading! Annyeong everybody.


	33. Chapter 33

Aqua: Aaaaaannnnnnd...here we go! Chapter 33 of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Yay! Sorry for the wait guys, the Author's just been busy with all sorts of other, important things, like his very neglected other stories. Anyway, the Author would like to say that he doesn't own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters that are associated with the Transformers...darn...oh well. Before I go, please remember to enjoy the following story, please don't forget to leave a review and finally...thanks for reading! Miss Aqua, out!

* * *

In the Decepticon fortress, Galvatron was busy chewing up the Targetmasters.

"How the bloody hell could you lose?-!" Galvatron shouted in anger "We're just plain better than they are! And you had Super Massive Supernova Force Trypticon on your side!"

Cyclonus sighed "Galvatron, we would have won, except that they had this...diamond powered...death laser...thing...yeah..."

Galvatron balked "...What? Why that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of since windshield wipers! I mean honestly, what are they for, huh? What are they for?-!"

"Dumbass." Cyclonus muttered.

Scourge stepped up "Oh yes sir, a diamond powered death laser! It was quite impressive it was, sure showed us!"

In response, Galvatron growled and threw Dirge at Scourge, killing Dirge and knocking Scourge down.

"You're all a bunch of incompetent little idiots!" Galvatron shrieked as he stood up and began stamping his feet and flailing his arms, like a bratty little...brat.

"Look who's talking..." Slugslinger nodded to his partner, Caliburst, who nodded.

"What did you say?-!" Galvatron screamed, startling everyone present.

"Uh...it was Triggerhappy!" Slugslinger exclaimed, motioning over to his insane fellow.

"Chep, it totally was!" An oblivious Triggerhappy agreed as he tried to eat Dirge's severed head.

In response, Galvatron shot him...which, strangely enough, Triggerhappy seemed to enjoy, seeing as how he was giggling about it...freak.

"Alright, because you're all such losers, I'm sending you for training at...The Planet Destroying Fortress!" Galvatron exclaimed.

Cyclonus looked surprised "The Planet Destroying Fortress? As in, the Planet Destroying Fortress where Emperor of Destruction Deathsaurus lives?"

"Yep, that's the one!" Galvatron answered.

"Leader of the Breastforce Deathsaurus?" Cyclonus persisted.

"The one and only!"

At this, Misfire giggled "Heh, heh...Breastforce!"

"Do you find something funny about the Breastforce?-!" Galvatron bellowed.

Misfire attempted to stifle a giggle "N-no sir..."

"What's so damn funny about the Breastforce! They're a fierce fighting force!" Galvatron reminded them.

Misfire giggled a little "I'm sure sir..."

"With they're mighty fighting Breast Animal Partners, they can take down anything! Damn it man, the Breastforce is nothing to laugh about!" Galvatron exclaimed, bringing his fist down on Dirge's head, killing him.

Now Misfire could not help but laugh.

"Stop laughing! You dare laugh at the mighty...might of the Breastforce! Why, their members are dangerous criminals, such as the mighty Gaihawk! Why, when enemies see a streak of pink in the sky, they know to drop down on their knees and plead for his forgiveness on their faces!" Galvatron cried.

Understandably, Misfire had now collapsed into a laughing coma, tears where streaking down his face, and several loud cracking noised indicated that he had cracked at least a dozen ribs.

Galvatron meanwhile stood where he was, furious.

"Uh...maybe we'd better go..." Slugslinger suggested.

"Good idea." Cyclonus replied as edged towards the exit.

* * *

In the Autobot base, the basement was flooding, and resident Mr. Fixit Pipes was taking a look.

"Hmmm...yep, it's flooded." Pipes said as he casually glanced at the basement.

Jazz gritted his teeth "Yes, I know that, what I wanted to know was if you cold fix it?"

Pipes paused to consider it "Hmmm, yeah, probably, but I'd need parts to do it...parts that I don't have...in fact, I'd have to send out an order for new parts."

Jazz sighed "Well, when can we get these parts?"

"Well, it'd take two weeks if I ordered them now...which I won't." Pipes replied as he took out a cigarette.

"Well why the hell not?-!" An angry Jazz asked.

"Well frankly, I feel left out, while all you jerks go out and have your awesome adventures, I'm stuck here fixin' stuff, have you ever tried fixin' stuff? It's not fun." Pipes told the Autobot second in command.

Jazz sighed again and put his hand over his eyes "Well, what if we agree to let you join us on our next adventure, will you fix the damn basement then?"

Pipes perked up "Oh, yeah, sure, that'd work."

Jazz looked relieved "Oh, good...well, I guess you'll be fixing the basement then?"

Pipes shrugged "I can't."

"What? Why not?" A surprised and slightly annoyed Jazz asked.

"Don't have the parts."

"Well get them!"

"That'd take two weeks...if I ordered them now."

"Argh! Well is there a quicker way?"

"Sure, I could just go out and buy the parts."

"Then why don't you do that?-!"

"I'm broke."

"Gah! Well then here's some money!"

"Thanks...heh, heh, sucker!" Pipes muttered as he tucked the money in his wallet, which was stuffed to bursting point, and walked off.

* * *

In the Author's base...

"What was that?" Sparky asked, sitting up.

"Hmmm, I didn't hear anything." Jenny said as she propped herself up.

The two had were enjoying some time together on the couch while the others were off doing...something, they weren't quite sure, probably something stupid like conquering another dimension or something.

"It sounded like-" Sparky began, only to be cut off by...

BOOM!

"A door exploding..." Sparky trailed off as smoke poured into the room.

"Hello Sparky, Jenny, how are things?" A voice from within the smoke asked.

Sparky cursed "Sergei!"

"Sergei? What are you doing here?" Jenny asked, shooting up.

"What, no hello for your old teammate?" Sergei asked as he stepped out of the smoke, accompanied by a Max, a young man with scales running down his back, Earl, a vaguely human shaped blob of blue protoplasm, Ace, a blond man in his thirties with sunglasses and a brown duster, and three more people that neither Sparky nor Jenny recognised. One of them was a jittery looking teen with a shaved head and a jacket, one was a teenage girl with brilliant red hair tied back into a ponytail and the last was...yet another teenager, this one wearing a leather jacket, a bandolier full of ammo and was carelessly tossing an explosive device from one hand to another.

"Look, when we left the Offbeats, we agreed that you would at least give us some warning before you just barged in." Sparky reminded his former leader.

Sergei shrugged "Eh, this was urgent, and besides, Max missed you."

"Guys!" Max exclaimed as he launched himself at Sparky and Jenny, capturing them in a combination of a hug and a tackle.

"Guh!" A winded Sparky gasped.

"It's...good...to see you too...Max..." Jenny breathed out as she struggled to breath.

"Where are the others?" Ace asked, peering around the room.

"Uh, I think Hideki and Gauntlet down in the basement, working on something, as usual, Vlad is probably out scouting and as usual I have absolutely no idea where Demi or Aku are..." Jenny answered as Max let her out of his grasp.

"Hmmm, go get them we'll need them...bring your new comrades too, they may be of some assistance." Sergei told them.

Sparky grumbled as he walked off to do just that.

* * *

A few minutes later, the entire force of Minions were sitting inside of the lounge, staring at the unexpected guests.

"So...who are the newbies?" Hideki asked.

"Oh, well, this is David" Sergei replied, motioning to the jittery teen "He's a psychic, that's how we found you. Blaze here is a pyrokinetic" Sergei motioned to the redheaded youth, who gave a short wave "And Charlie here...well, he just likes to shoot things, don't you Charlie?"

"Yo." Charlie greeted as he sat in his chair, polishing a Heckler & Koche G3 automatic rifle.

"...Please put that down..." Errol said, unnerved that the gun was pointing at his head.

"So, what is it that you want, exactly?" Lisa asked coldly, staring intently at Sergei.

"Well, you see, a few weeks ago, one of our members, code named: The Ocelot-" Sergei began, only to be quickly cut off by Sparky.

"Jasmine? What happened to Jasmine?" Sparky asked, shooting up from his seat.

Sergei sighed "Well, she left us and went back to her old, life of crime ways, so, we'd thought we'd come here and recruit your assistance in retrieving her."

"So, basically you thought that her old ex might be able to persuade her to get her to come back, right?" Ashlyn asked.

"Precisely." Ace replied as he shuffled a deck of cards out of habit.

"Hang on! You can't just use my boyfriend like that!" Jenny protested.

"...Why not?" Sergei asked.

"Because this is just-Argh! Have you even tried to stop her by yourselves?" Jenny asked angrily.

"Da, we have, but as I'm sure you know, she is very skilled, very fast, very...agile." Sergei told her.

"So, we decided to get you guys." Blaze spoke up for the first time.

"Because, hey, if there's anyone who can get Jasmine to listen, it's you." Max added.

"So, what do you say, will you help us?" Sergei questioned, standing up.

Sparky sighed and looked down at his hands "I promised that I would never go back to you guys...hell, all of those that left did...but I can't stomach the thought that Jasmine could get thrown in a jail cell, or worse, so...I'm coming with you..."

Sergei smiled "Good, and the rest of you?"

Jenny looked slightly angry "Fine, if Sparky's in, then so am I."

"Me too." Ashlyn added.

"And I guess you can count the rest of us in as well." Vlad said as he, Gauntlet and Hideki stepped forward.

"We're in too, what are teammates for, etcetera, etcetera?" Lisa replied.

Now Sergei was beaming "Excellent, we'll leave as soon as possible."

* * *

In the Planet Destroying Fortress, the Targetmasters were being led around by Deathsaurus' right hand man, Leozack, who seemed strangely familiar...

"And this is where our "glorious leader's" throne room is, try to resist the urge to insult and or try to assassinate him, I know I do." Leozack informed them.

"Does this guy seem familiar to you?" A puzzled Scourge asked.

Cyclonus simply rolled his eyes.

The group stepped into a large, well decorated room. Sitting on an ornate throne was the Emperor of Destruction himself, Deathsaurus, and on either side of him were his two Breast animal familiars, Eaglebreast and Tigerbreast and-stop laughing!

"Well, are these the new recruits Leozack?" Deathsaurus asked.

"They are indeed "Sir", here they are for inspection "Sir"." Leozack replied, his voice not just dripping in sarcasm, but actually drowning in it.

"Ah, good then...do you have my tea then?" Deathsaurus asked.

"Yes "Sir", it's right here." Leozack answered, holding out a cup of tea, moving towards Deathsaurus to deliver it, only to trip...and have the tea burn a hole through the hull of the fortress, dripping down onto Dirge's head, who was there for some reason and killing him.

Deathsaurus looked down at the hole, before turning his gaze to his second in command "Leozack?"

"Uh, yes "Sir"?"

"Did you put corrosive acid in my cup?"

"...No..."

"Then why is there a hole in the floor where you dropped it?"

"Uh...shoddy construction?"

Deathsaurus paused "...Makes perfect sense!"

Leozack looked greatly relieved "Right then, I'll just be off to show our guests to their quarters."

"Oh, and Leozack?" Deathsaurus called out, causing him to pause.

"Yes, my "Lord"?" Leozack called back.

"If you ever cross me know, or ever, I shall do to you what God did unto the Sodomites..." Deathsaurus told him calmly.

"Oh..." Leozack replied, looking puzzled and slightly scared.

"...But we both know that you could never betray me! Ever, ever!" Deathsaurus added with a huge grin and a burst of laughter.

"Oh...ah, ha, ha." Leozack chuckled nervously, still looking puzzled, before walking out the door "...Jackass." Leozack muttered the moment he was out of his leader's earshot.

* * *

Back on Earth...

"Ok then, shop number 114 is also out of the parts that I require, so now I must move on elsewhere..." Pipes murmured to himself "But where?"

"Pssst! Hey, buddy!" A voice from the shadows whispered.

"Uh, yes?" Pipes asked.

"I hear that you're looking for parts?" The voice enquired.

"Yeah..." Pipes answered cautiously.

"Well you're in luck, I know a place that has all the stuff you could ever want!" The voice told Pipes.

"Yeah, well excuse me if I'm somewhat hesitant to trust a mysterious stranger who's hiding in the shadows." Pipes replied.

"Oh, you can trust me...really." The voice reassured.

"Look, just tell me who you are first, and then maybe I'll be more inclined to believe you." Pipes said.

The voice sighed "Fine..." And with that, the mysterious figure stepped out of the shadows to reveal...Sparkplug Witwicky.

"Sparklug? The hell man? We haven't seen you in years!"Pipes exclaimed.

"Yeah, well, I've been in a bad place, there were all these sweaty, writhing-" Sparkplug began, only to be very hastily cut off.

"Yeah, I don't wanna know! I don't wanna know!" Pipes cried, waving his arms frantically "Now, about this stuff..."

"Oh yeah! Well, ya see, ya gotta..." Sparkplug began whispering, leaning in close to Pipes.

* * *

In the city, the Minions and the Offbeats were searching for their quarry, Jasmine Hobbes...

"See anything yet?" Lisa asked as she sat atop a building, binoculars in hand.

"That's a negative sub commander." James replied as he crouched on a column.

"Damn! Crystal, what about you?" Lisa spoke into her walkie talkie.

"I got zilch." Crystal answered.

"Perhaps my operatives have fared better" Sergei said to Lisa, who glared "Blaze, anything?"

"That's a no there Sergei." Blaze responded.

"...You're just sitting around with Ashlyn aren't you?" Sergei questioned.

"Yes, yes we are." Ashlyn spoke this time.

Sergei cursed in Russian, before switching channels "David, have you picked up anything yet?"

"N-nothing yet, sir, she's proving to be very hard to get a mental lock onto." David told his leader.

* * *

"She always was a sneaky one..." Sparky murmured wistfully.

Jenny sighed "Yeah, I remember the time she snuck into Hideki's room and stole his weapons cache...that was funny."

"So, you're not mad about this whole thing?" Sparky asked, surprised.

"Look, Sparky, I trust you, I know you'd never hurt me...and besides, she was my friend, even if she was a thief before she joined us." Jenny replied.

Suddenly, David spoke up "Hang on, I think I've got something! Yes, she's heading towards the bank near your position boss! Crystal and Errol are close too, you guys can get there quickest if you hurry!"

"Alright, think you can keep up little girl?" Sergei asked...only to see that Lisa had already left "That girl is fast..." Sergei muttered, before going off after her.

* * *

Soon, Crystal, Lisa, Errol and Sergei had arrived at the bank in question.

"Well, here we are, but I don't see anything." Errol muttered.

"Look up." David spoke into his walkie talkie, alerting the others.

"Huh?" The four of them looked up to see...

"SPARKY'S EX IS A CATGIRL?-!" Lisa, Crystal and Errol cried out in shock.

And so she was, scaling the wall was a young woman with distinctly feline features: short orange brown fur, a long tail and twitching ears.

Sergei seemed mildly surprised "Da...Did he not tell you this?"

At this point, Sparky, James, Ashlyn, Hideki and Jenny ran over to join the others. Crystal, upon seeing Sparky, could not help but burst into laughter.

"Hahaha! Sparky's a furry, Sparky's a furry!" Crystal taunted in a singsong voice.

Sparky blushed "Oh...so, you saw Jasmine them?"

"Damn right I saw her! Oh my God!" Crystal gasped as she clutched her sides.

"Meow? Something funny?" A voice from behind them asked.

Crystal gasped and turned around, coming face to face with Jasmine "Gah!"

"Meow! Hey there Ashlyn, Jenny, Sergei, Tech...Lover, who are your friends?" jasmine asked.

Sparky blushed "Hey, come on, you know we're not together anymore..."

"Meow! Maybe, but that doesn't mean that we can't still have a friendly relationship!" Jasmine replied with a grin.

Sergei cleared his throat "Ahem..."

Sparky looked at him for a moment, before turning back to Jasmine "Oh yeah...Um, do you think that you could, you know...stop committing crimes?"

Jasmine seemed to consider it before answering "Hmmm...nope, sorry Lover!"

Sparky and the others face planted.

"Oh come on! For old time's sakes?" Sparky asked.

"Sorry Lover, but you can't change my mind, so...catch me if you can! Ahahaha!" Jasmine laughed as she leapt into the air, scaling the building.

"Quick after her!" Sergei commanded...only to see that no one was moving "What are you waiting for? Go!"

Lisa cleared her throat "Go."

At this, they all rushed after her.

Sergei gaped at Lisa "How did you-?"

"Practice, you should try it." Lisa replied, before she too ran off after Jasmine and the others.

Sergei stood where he was, before reaching for his radio "Blaze, Charlie, get over here ASAP!"

"On boss!"

"Me and Ashlyn will be over...whenever." Blaze replied lazily.

"Damn it Blaze! I hired you because you were supposed to be the best! Not some lazy little brat who picks up on others bad habits!" Sergei snapped.

"I rather like her." Ashlyn told Sergei.

Sergei grumbled something under his breath.

* * *

Back at the Planet Destroying Fortress, Slugslinger, Misfire, Triggerhappy and their partners were creeping around. It was only their second day, and already they had been put through gruelling training: Drillhorn had taught them strategy and tactics, Gaihawk was giving them flight combat training, Jarugar had taught them how to loyally serve their leader (while Leozack secretly taught them how to stab your leader in the back), Killbison was mentoring them on battle tactics (mostly consisting of "Run, hit and hope you don't get shot."), while Hellbat was tutoring them on...how to be a complete psychotic jackass.

"So, what are we doing again?" Aimless asked as he crept alongside of the others.

"Shut up gun, you don't get to talk!" Misfire snapped.

Slugslinger sighed "We're going to sneak out and party, got it?"

"Oh...got it!" Aimless replied, beaming.

"This plan is hotter than Alyson Hannigan!" Triggerhappy exclaimed.

Suddenly, the Author ran up, clutching an autograph book in one hand and a pen in the other "Alyson Hannigan? Where? Where?-!"

"Uh, no, sorry, she's not here." Slugslinger told the Author, wondering where he had come from.

"Aw..." The Author moaned, before walking off.

Suddenly, the group heard the sound of running water.

"What's that?" A nervous Blowpipe asked.

"Have we been caught? It was all Misfire' idea!" Aimless shrieked in terror.

"You son of a-!" Misfire exclaimed.

"Shut up! It's just Scourge taking a shower!" Slugslinger snapped, glaring at the others.

Suddenly, sounds wafted through the open door of the shower room...

_Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me, I wanna be dirty  
Thrill me chill me fulfil me  
Creature of the night._

"What. The. Hell?" An astonished Caliburst asked.

"Dude!" Misfire exclaimed.

"Bwahaha! Oh this is too good!" Triggerhappy chortled, drooling slightly.

"Scourge is seriously weird..." Slugslinger muttered as he shook his head from side to side...as if there was any other way to shake your head.

"Y-yeah, freakier than Starscream's ghost..." Aimless muttered.

* * *

A short time later, the Targetmasters had successfully snuck out of the Barracks and had moved onto the Entertainment District of the Planet Destroying Fortress...yes, massive space super weapons have entertainment and recreational facilities, deal with it.

And it was totally lame.

"Ugh, this place sucks!" Caliburst muttered.

"Hey, what about this place?" Triggerhappy exclaimed, running up to a building with a large sign reading _"DANDYLIONS" _in front.

"You're joking." Slugslinger replied, glancing at the building...which had a lion with petals around its neck painted onto one of the windows.

"Yeah, I bet this place is going to be totally-" Aimless began, only to be cut off by a shout from inside the building.

"Pru, it's kicking off!" A voice from inside the building cried.

It was at this point that loud noises could be heard, smashing, crashing, all that crap. And then...

"Jesus Christ!" Misfire exclaimed as some guy was sent flying out the window.

"Let's get outta here man! This is clearly a bad part of town!" Blowjob cried, before he ran off, screaming.

"But...it's Dandylions..." Slugslinger murmured in shock.

There was some gunfire from within the store.

"We're getting the frak outta here!" Caliburst shouted.

And so they all ran for their dear, sweet lives.

* * *

Back on Earth...

"Well, this is the place." Sparkplug informed Pipes as he led him to a large building.

"It's a mall." Pipes stated.

"Why yes, yes it is." Sparkplug replied.

Pipes rolled his eyes "Well thank you very much, this was so helpful!"

"Anytime...well, goodbye, I have to go back over there now." Sparkplug said as he motioned to the edge of the screen, before walking off.

"Jeez, what a douche." Pipes muttered as he wandered around, looking for his parts.

* * *

And in the city, the Minions and the Offbeats were still chasing Jasmine.

"Ahahaha! Catch me!" Jasmine taunted as she ran across a girder on a half constructed building.

"Yowr!" Errol snarled as he leapt at Jasmine in hybrid form.

"Oh wow, you are a big kitty cat, aren't you?" Jasmine asked, approaching Errol slowly.

Errol blinked in surprise, this wasn't the reaction that he had been expecting.

"Easy there cutie, you stay right there..." Jasmine said soothingly as she strode closer...and began nuzzling Errol.

Now Errol's eyes opened wide. Wha-?

"Sucker!" Jasmine exclaimed as she kicked him off of the building.

"Rowr!" Errol cried as he was sent plummeting...

...To land safely on Dirge, killing him but saving Errol.

"Errol! Why you little-!" Lisa snarled as she leapt at Jasmine.

"Uh uh!" Jasmine called out as she nimbly jumped to the side, punching Lisa as she landed, causing her to teeter over the ledge...before grabbing her to stop her from falling.

"Uh? Why did you-?" Lisa began, only to be silent when Jasmine swung her around and used her a shield for one of Charlie's shots "Uuuhhh..."

"Damn! Missed..." Charlie muttered as he reloaded.

"What the hell?-!" Sparky cried out in horror "You can't shoot her!"

"Relax dude, they're just tranquilisers." Charlie reassured Sparky, before firing again.

Sparky grabbed the teen and whirled him around "Listen to me you little punk, there is not going to be any shooting of any kind, got it?"

"Uh...yeah, sure..." Charlie murmured, lowering his rifle.

"I'll get her myself." Sparky muttered, before leaping off the building, pulling out his hoverboard and rocketing off after his old flame, who was currently engaging Crystal and James.

"W-wow, he sure is brave!" David exclaimed.

"Aw, shut up!" Charlie snapped.

* * *

Back in the Planet Destroying Fortress, the Targetmasters were now in a club, drinking and doing...other club stuff...you know what I mean.

"Well, this certainly turned out to be a craptacular evening." Slugslinger muttered as he downed his sixth scotch of the evening.

"Triggerhappy looks like he's enjoying himself." Misfire pointed out.

"He's giving businessmen lap dances!" Slugslinger snapped.

"This isn't even this sort of bar, why is he being allowed to do this?" Caliburst murmured in horror.

"Beats the crap outta me" A drunk and mortified Blowpipe slurred, before collapsing.

Suddenly, an explosion rocked the bar.

"What the hell was that?-!" Aimless exclaimed, standing up...only to be knocked down again when another explosion struck.

"You should be called Useless!" Misfire snickered...before a chunk of the ceiling collapsed on top of his head.

"We'll just call that karma then, shall we?" Slugslinger asked as he stood up and exited the bar.

Outside, it was complete chaos. Buildings were just plain exploding and Decepticons were running around in panic. Looking up, Slugslinger could see why.

Hovering over the city was a massive spacecraft, firing randomly into the city, while below it, eleven more Autobots laid siege to the Fortress.

"Well this is different." Slugslinger muttered indifferently.

Suddenly, the ship began descending...before it transformed into a massive red and white Autobot.

"Star Saber!" A Decepticon bystander gasped in horror.

"We're all going to die!" Another wailed.

"...So, what did God do unto the Sodomites?" Cyclonus heard someone ask.

"Dunno, but I can't imagine it'd be any worse than what they did to each other." Killbison replied as he and the other Breastforce members walked around a corner.

"True and-What the hell?" An astounded Drillhorn asked as he saw the destruction that the Autobots had caused.

"Uh...prepare to die?" Dash offered meekly.

"Not while the Breastmasters are here!" Drillhorn cried out as he and his companions leapt out of nowhere.

The civilians couldn't help but giggling.

"Hey, shut up man! Shut up or we'll shave the stink clean off your head!" Hellbat exclaimed.

"There are so many things wrong with what you just said, I don't know where to start." Jarugar muttered in disappointment at his comrade's stupidity.

"Autobots attack!" Star Saber cried.

"Who are these clowns?" Misfire asked as he stepped out.

"Space Autobots." Slugslinger replied.

"Oh...wait, what?"

"Laster, ready!"

"Braver, ready!"

"Master Blaster, ready!"

"Wait, Master Blaster? That can't be your name!" Caliburst protested.

"Master Blaster" sighed "No...but my old one wasn't very politically correct, so I had to change it..."

"Anyway, let's just get to the fighting!" Laster exclaimed.

"COMBINE!" The trio cried out, before joining together to form...

"ROAD CAESAR!" The Combiner called out, raising his sword.

The Breastforce snickered "You call that a Combiner?" Leozack taunted "This is a Combiner! Breastmasters, combine to form-!"

"E Cup?" Greatshot joked, causing the other Autobots to burst out laughing.

"Hey, shut up! We're a perfectly respectable fighting force!" Gaihawk, the pink warrior exclaimed, placing his hands on his hips.

Naturally, the Autobots only laughed harder.

Leozack scowled "Breastforce, combine to form..."

"LIOKAISER!" The newly formed Decepticon rumbled as he whipped out his pistol...and not the sexy kind.

Road Caesar looked down at his sword, then he looked at Liokaiser's gun "...AW FU-!"

It was at this point that he was blown away by Liokaiser's superior firepower.

Star Saber peered over and cursed "Aw crap! It happened again! Victory Leo! Get your ass over here so that we can Powerlinx!"

"Wait, Powerlinx? Like in that crappy-?" Aimless began, only to be cut off by the sheer awesomeness that was...

"VICTORY SABER!" The Powerlinxed Autobot cried.

What happened next was a spectacular fight between the two massive behemoths, oh it was quite glorious, let me tell you. Unfortunately, I am not creative enough to describe it, so you'll just have to use your imaginations.

"ARGH! I AM DEFEATED!" Liokaiser cried as he clutched his side, before collapsing.

"Aw frak." Caliburst cursed.

"Anyone else think that we should leave?" Aimless asked.

"Good idea!" Misfire exclaimed as he turned into a...pink...car...jet...thing, and flew off.

"Should we really be leaving?" Slugslinger asked.

"Eh, I'm sure things will work themselves out, I mean, what's the worst that could happen if a bunch of Autobots got their hands on a Decepticon Super weapon?" Blowpipe asked.

Two weeks later, twelve planets had been destroyed.

* * *

Back in the Autobot Base, Pipes had recovered the parts that he so desperately needed and was now fixing the flooded basement.

"Found the parts I see." Jazz said as he stepped into the basement.

"Yep." Pipes replied simply.

"Incidentally, what did you need exactly?" A curious Jazz asked.

In response, Pipes held out his hand to reveal...a screwdriver. Just a plain old screwdriver.

Jazz's eye twitched "Oh son of a bitch! It took you two days to get a God damned screwdriver?-!"

Pipes shrugged "Better than two weeks."

"Oh motherfu-!"

* * *

Back in the city...

"Ahahaha! You guys are so much fun!" Jasmine exclaimed as she dodged a fireball thrown at her by Crystal.

"Stand still so we can hit you!" Crystal snapped as James fired several icicles at her.

"Nyeh! Gotta be quicker than that! Meow!" Jasmine purred as she leapt at James, kicking him squarely in the chest, before running along a girder to charge Crystal...

Only to be intercepted by Sparky, who floated in front of her.

"Meow! Oh, hello Lover." Jasmine greeted.

"Jasmine, this has gone on long enough, just cut it out." Sparky said firmly.

Jasmine paused "Hmmm...No. Sorry Lover, but this is just too much fun to give up."

Sparky cocked his head to the side "Wait, tell you what, what if I beat you in a fight? Then will you stop?"

"Oooh, a fight? That could work!" Jasmine agreed, shaking her head.

Sparky smiled good "Let's get started then!"

"Meow!" Jasmine exclaimed as she ran at Sparky, who leapt to safety "Sigh. You always were very acrobatic...that was a lot of fun!"

Sparky blushed, before swinging his fist.

The fight went on for what seemed like ages, with neither side having any clear advantage. Finally, after an hour of fighting, the two collapsed on top of the girder, panting heavily.

"Wow...that was something Lover..." Jasmine gasped.

"Yeah...I guess it was..." Sparky replied.

"So...I guess we're cool." Jasmine said as she slowly stood up.

"Huh? But I didn't beat you." Sparky pointed out.

Jasmine shrugged "No, but we tied, and that's close enough."

Suddenly, the other Minions and Offbeats approached.

"Did you defeat her?" Ace asked.

"Well...not exactly..." Sparky replied.

"But it's cool, I decided to stop the whole crime spree thing." Jasmine added with a grin.

Jenny rolled her eyes "I don't believe it."

"Very good, then we shall be leaving." Sergei muttered, turning to leave.

"Wait" Sparky called out "I know we didn't exactly part on good terms, but...ugh, why don't we all get together, for all the...y'know, old times sakes...and stuff."

Sergei stared for a few moments, before turning to his crew "What do you think?"

"Eh."

"Totally!"

"S-sure."

"That could be cool."

"..." Was all Earl said.

"Alright! Party!" Aqua cried, leaping into the air with joy.

* * *

Aqua: And the resulting party was awesome! Everyone had fun, and it was all so great! Well, that just about does it from us here, but we certainly hope that you have enjoyed the following story, please don't forget to leave nice review, and finally...thanks for reading! Bye now!


	34. Birthday Special

Aqua: Hi, hi, and welcome to yet another chapter of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE!

Crystal: Now this chapter's a little special because...

Sparky: It's the Birthday Special!

Errol: That's right, it's our very own 9aza's birthday, so we thought we'd celebrate it with this.

Lisa: So sit back, enjoy and have some snacks as we take you through the They Just Don't Care Anymore birthday special!

James: Oh, and the Author does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers...but you knew that already, didn't you?

Aqua: Yay! On with the story!

* * *

In the Decepticon base, the Insecticons Kickback and Shrapnel were setting up sitting up in front of a massive cake that they had prepared. The cake was for Bombshell, who the other Insecticons had decided they were going to throw a birthday party. Suddenly, they heard the clomping of metal feet against stairs, so they waited expectantly.

And waited...

And waited...

And waited...

And _waited_...

Jesus, is this guy ever going to get here? Just how many stairs are ther-?

BAM!

Oh, here he is...'bout bloody time...

Bombshell surveyed the room in shock, looking from the banners to the streamers to the cake "What the 'ell is this?-!"

"It's your B-Day! Happy B-Day! What a B-Day! Kickass B-Day! B-Day! Yeah!" Kickback and Shrapnel sang quickly.

"Shut up! Shut up!" Bombshell roared.

"...To you." Kickback finished.

"You vicious little sons of-! I hate you!" Bombshell yelled.

"Hey, and many happy returns!" Shrapnel said to his friend, patting him on the shoulder.

"Shut up!" Bombshell roared, leaping back from Shrapnel's hand "You never forget it, do you?'

"It's today." A smiling Kickback reminded his friend.

"Well I do, and do you know why?" Bombshell asked through gritted teeth.

"We're going to have a party." A still smiling Kickback told Bombshell.

"No you're not! I hate birthdays, I hate getting older!" Bombshell snapped, stamping his feet on the ground.

"Now look, save your breath, you're going to need it to blow out these candles-candles!" Shrapnel told Bombshell as he led him over to his cake.

Bombshell glanced at the cake and did a quick candle check "Seventy five? You son of a-!"

"Now come on then, let's see you blow them out!" Kickback requested.

Bombshell growled, but turned to his cake nevertheless and started to blow on the cake.

And blow...

And bl-I think we get the idea here, let's not go through that again.

Finally, Bombshell collapsed onto the couch, panting. All of the candles were still lit.

"Now, now, don't upset yourself-self." Shrapnel reassured his friend as he lay in a heap, wheezing for air "There's a lot of candles on this cake...and awful lot of candles..." Shrapnel said, glancing at the cake in surprise.

Bombshell weakly tried to stand up so he could strangle him.

"Look, just because you're not what you used to be-" Kickback began, hoping to appease Bombshell.

"What, young?" Bombshell broke in.

"No, middle aged-it doesn't mean you're on your last legs." Kickback reassured, oblivious to the fact that Bombshell was now trying to strangle him too.

Bombshell shot up "Look, I am not having a party! I am not getting older and I'll be damned if I let any of you creeps try anything! I mean, just look at me! My body's a mess! Girls always laugh at me!"

"Well that's...that's impossible..." Kickback said softly, putting his arms around Bombshell "...It can't just be girls!"

"That's it! I've had it! I don't need to take this abuse from you lot!" Bombshell shouted, shaking himself free of Kickback.

"Where are you going-going?" Shrapnel asked as Bombshell stormed off.

"Out!" Bombshell shouted without turning, unfortunately not looking where he was going and falling down the stairs.

And falling...

And falling...

And-Oh God damn it! Not again! No more!

Kickback walked over to Shrapnel "Poor Bombshell, he seemed really upset, didn't he?"

"Yeah...want to throw him a party to cheer him up-up?" Shrapnel asked.

"Oh hell yeah!" Kickback exclaimed, high fiving Shrapnel.

* * *

Ten minutes later, the two Insecticons had assembled all of the Decepticons stationed on Earth together in the meeting room.

"Shrapnel, what is the meaning of this?" Shockwave asked.

"Well-well, we-we, de-de-decided t-to-" Shrapnel began.

"Yeah, I'm going to be talking to you from now on." Shockwave broke in, turning to Kickback.

"Good move." Cyclonus muttered to him.

"Well, its Bombshell's birthday, and he obviously desperately wants a party, so we're all going to give him one!" Kickback explained.

"...Why?" Skywarp asked.

"Because he's our friend?" Kickback offered.

"What about the time he ate all the supplies in the base?" Thundercracker questioned.

"Well, he was hungry and-" Kickback began.

"Or the time he brought back all those Dextrian Iron Parasites?" Dead End asked.

"He was in love then! You all remember Deidre, don't you?"

"Or the time he ate me?" Dirge reminded them all.

"...And your point would be?" Ramjet asked.

"I-Aw, I'm sad now..." Dirge moped.

"Anyway, the point is we must have a party-party!" Shrapnel interjected.

"Works for me!" Galvatron exclaimed.

"Galvatron! You're backing this idea?" A shocked Cyclonus asked.

"Yep! The men need a good party! And I'll plan it! It'll have country music, and little cheese cubes on sticks, and-!" Galvatron's rant was mercifully cut short when Onslaught whacked him on the back of the head with Dirge, knocking him out and giving Dirge a fatal concussion, killing him.

The others stared at Onslaught in shock.

Onslaught turned to address them "Right, I say we lock him in the closet before he wakes up. Galvatron cannot plan another party!"

"AGREED!" Every single Decepticon cried.

As everyone rushed to prepare Bombshell's party, no one noticed Blitzwing slipping away quietly.

* * *

In the Autobot base...

"No Cliffjumper, you cannot blow up Milwaukee!" Jazz snapped.

"Aw, but I wanna!" Cliffjumper whined.

Jazz sighed and stepped on a hidden switch on the floor, opening up a trap door beneath Cliffjumper and sending him into the Infernal Pit of Doom.

Suddenly, Blaster came crashing into the room "Jazz! Big news!"

Jazz turned to face he Communications Officer "What is it Blaster? This had better be good, because I had to send three people to the Infernal Pit of Doom today!"

"It's a secret, coded message from our mole in the Decepticon base! He says that all of the Decepticon forces on Earth are gathering in the Decepticon Base for Bombshell's birthday party!" Blaster explained.

"So?" Jazz asked, raising a non-existent eyebrow.

"So it would be the perfect opportunity to destroy them while they're all in one convenient location!" Blaster added.

"Uh, well yes, I suppose it would be, but-" Jazz was quickly cut off by Blaster.

"I'll go and tell Prime the good news!" Blaster cried, before running off.

"Prime? Wait, no!" Jazz called out after the running Autobot "Argh! Oh man, this is gonna be bad..."

Five minutes later, Optimus Prime had assembled every single Autobot on Earth to the Autobot base's assembly hall. It was cramped, let me tell you.

"Alright Prime, what's this all about?" Air Raid asked, crushed against Omega Supreme.

"Y-yeah, you made it sound really urgent!" Strafe added from between Hauler and Grotusque.

"Fellow Autobots, I have called you here to announce that...Bombshell is having a birthday party!" Optimus exclaimed.

There was an awkward silence.

"So...we're going? Yay!" Starscream's ghost cried out.

"No you stupid freak! We're going to send the deadliest items that we can think of in order to kill them all!" Optimus snapped.

There was a collective "Oh" from the crowd and a sob from a saddened Starscream's ghost.

"Yes! So my fellow Autobots, I urge you to go out and find or buy the deadliest items possible...but there's a $50 budget so don't knock yourselves out." Optimus continued.

"Optimus, I'm telling you that this is a bad idea." Jazz whispered into his leader's...whatever he has in place of an ear.

"Oh, that's just you! You're always annoying and saying how bad my plans are!" Optimus said with a slight wave of his hand.

"But I'm telling you-!" Jazz began, only to be very quickly interrupted by Optimus speaking into the microphone.

"Right, meeting is adjourned, I'll see you all on Monday!" Optimus concluded stepping away from the podium.

"Uh, how do we get out? Fortress Maximus is blocking the door!" Hoist pointed out as he lay pinned under Cosmos' bulk.

"I'm gonna collect me some train parts so I can build my own custom train, and then I'll do the same for a boat!" Fortress Maximus exclaimed with glee.

"That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard!" Eject Snapped, pinned to the ceiling by Powerglide's head.

"Uh...meeting will be adjourned as soon as we can get a way out of here!" Optimus added.

"I say we make an SOS sign out of dead bodies!" Cliffjumper cried out.

"There are no dead bodies' dumbass!" Hound snapped.

"Oh there will be!" Cliffjumper reassured him.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the streets...

Bombshell sighed as he wandered around the city, no particular place to go. He was still upset, due to a combination of his fellows' callous comments and his own impending birthday.

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" Bombshell muttered to himself.

"Well, if you want my advice, you'd figure out a way to stop your birthday from occurring." A voice from the shadows spoke up.

Bombshell looked around, startled "W-who said that?"

"I did." A tall, skinny man with long black hair, a black trench coat and grey eyes said as he stepped out of the shadows.

"And you are?" Bombshell asked.

"I have many names, Darkness, Evil, The Entity, Oh God please don't hurt me, but you may call me...Aku." The man revealed.

"Uh, ok...what did you have in mind?" Bombshell persisted.

"Well, in order to stop your inevitable aging process, you'd have to stop time, would you not? Stop the days from ever occurring." Aku told Bombshell.

"Uh, sure, I guess." Bombshell muttered.

"Then the solution is a simple one...you must stop the world from turning!" Aku explained with a somehow sinister smile.

"Oh...brilliant! But...how do I do that?" Bombshell questioned.

Aku began stepping back into the shadows "How you do so is not my concern, I just plant the ideas and watch them grow..."

"Hey, wait!" Bombshell cried, stepping forward and activating his headlights.

When his light illuminated the alley however, there was no sign of Aku.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Decepticon Base, Astrotrain and Razorclaw were sorting out the entertainer.

"Argh! Where is that blasted Paul Herman? He was supposed to be here an hour ago!" Razorclaw cursed.

"Well, I can go and check, see if he's here, if you want?" Astrotrain offered.

"Yes, you do that, and if you see him, you tell that creepy little weirdo that if he ever shows up late again, I'll eviscerate him, hang him with his own organs and parade him around the city!" Razorclaw snarled.

"Uh...ok then, I'll be sure to do that..." Astrotrain said cautiously as he backed away slowly

Five minutes later Astrotrain came back with a disturbed look on his face.

"Well, did you find him?" Razorclaw asked.

Astrotrain nodded in response.

"Well what's he doing back there?"

"That thing that cost him $75 and got him banned from the movie theatre..." Astrotrain replied.

"He wha-? Oh, ew! That is sick dude!" Razorclaw exclaimed in disgust.

"I know...I saw everything..." Astrotrain muttered sadly.

* * *

And in the Autobot base...

"That's it men, pile everything up over here!" Wheeljack directed.

The Autobots had collected quite the pile of dangerous objects, such as the Lament Configuration, the Pillar of Souls, an evil Zuni Doll, a box full of enchanted army men figures, a cursed Gypsy pie, a blank videotape, a fire opal, the Necronomicon Ex Mortis, a painting entitled _The Road Virus Heads North, _a frozen chunk of The Blob, a Druish rune stone possessing the spirit of a warlock and of course, what collection of evil trinkets would be complete without Jumanji and Zathura, the Collector's Editions?

"Wow, this pile reeks of evil!" Jetfire exclaimed.

"Uh, yes, I'm not sure that I want to be here...hello? Could someone please open that box over there? The ivory box from which the tortured souls of the damned are screaming out in agony? Please...I shall rip your soul apart!" Pinhead shouted from the Pillar of Souls.

"Well, that should just about do it, unless anyone has any late minute contributions they'd like to add?" Optimus asked.

"Oooh! Me, me!" Blaster called out as Eject and Rewind flanked him.

"Alright Blaster, what do you have to give to Bombshell?" Optimus questioned.

"It's a Paris Hilton CD that plays without a source CD player...and never stops playing!" Blaster exclaimed, a malicious grin on his face.

"Good God man! That is evil!" Optimus cried "But...why isn't it playing now?"

"Eject and Rewind here are emitting a field from which no sound can play, and I'll be sure to wrap the CD in the same material." Blaster exclaimed.

"Well, very good, just throw it onto the pile, next to that big ugly statue." Optimus told his subordinate.

"Ugly?-! Why you little-! Your suffering shall be legendary even in hell!" Pinhead cried out, wiggling back and forth from his stone prison.

* * *

Back in the city, Bombshell was still trying to figure out a way for him to stop the Earth from moving...and was having little success so far.

"Hmmm, let's see...what if I got this great big space clamp and...? Argh, no, that would never work! Perhaps if I were to hire Squishy, the Hugger of Worlds to...No, he would only crush the Earth! Shit! This is harder than I thought..." Bombshell muttered to himself as he paced back and forth "Wait a second...what if I was too...and then I...? My God, it's brilliant, it's perfect!"

Bombshell let out a bout of maniacal laughter as he ran to draw up the blueprints for his plan.

* * *

And back in the Decepticon base, the guests were streaming in, assuming that the bouncer, Mixmaster, would let them through.

"Name?" Mixmaster asked.

"I am the great and powerful Author! Fear me! Fear me!"

"Right, you can come in, next?"

"Ashlyn Sumrall."

"In, next!"

"Jenny Zim."

"In, next!"

"Sparky Montgomery."

"In, next!"

"Miss Aqua Shah."

"In, next!"

"Hideki Eguchi."

"In, next!"

"Damon Slater."

"Damon Slater? Your record says that you're supposed to be in hell, suffering for all eternity." Mixmaster read out.

"Uh...day release?" Damon offered meekly.

Mixmaster stared at him for a second, before shrugging and letting him enter "Next!"

"Ah, Zatch Summers." A pretty blonde teen said, walking up, only to be blocked.

"Sorry miss, I'm going to need your real name." Mixmaster told her.

"What? But...I don't like my real name..." Zatch muttered.

"You either tell me or you stay outside."

Zatch muttered something unintelligible.

"I'm sorry?" Mixmaster asked.

"Heatherine...my real name is Heatherine..." Zatch said through gritted teeth.

"You can't be serious." Mixmaster shook his head.

"Just...just check the bloody list." Zatch muttered as she brought a hand to her forehead.

Mixmaster did as he was asked and looked both surprised and amused "Oh...wow, ok, carry on."

"Asshole." Heatherine muttered as she walked past.

"Name?" Mixmaster asked as a skinny, black haired, goth looking youth walked up.

"Edan Parker and Cody Tucker." The teen introduced.

"Huh? I only see one person here, where's the other one?" Mixmaster questioned.

In response, Edan brought out a card showing a screaming and sobbing teen "This is Cody."

"Holy shit! Are you crazy? That's a card!" Mixmaster pointed out.

"You insult Cody!" Edan exclaimed, before bringing the card to his ear "What's that Cody? You say tell the big green jackass that he can take his job and shove it? Ok, I'll tell him." Edan turned to face Mixmaster "Cody say's-"

"I heard." Mixmaster broke in, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, so you can hear him." A surprised Edan exclaimed.

Mixmaster sighed and rubbed his temples "Just go!"

"Alright Cody, a party! Just like the good old days!" Edan shouted as he and his pet card walked into the base.

"Next!"

A tall, shadowy creature with sickly grey skin, a crown of horns upon his head, reflective silver eyes and a vertical, toothy maw wearing a black trench coat glided forward.

"Uh...and you are?" A nervous Mixmaster asked.

"Our name is of no importance, all that is required is for you to let us in!" The thing hissed.

"Sorry sir, I'm going to need a name." Mixmaster blocked it's path.

"What? You dare stop us?" The creature asked, astonished at the Decepticons impudence.

"Those are the rules, if your name's not on the list then I can't let you in." Mixmaster told the thing.

"Oh, very well then, we answer to Bug Eyes!" The creature snapped.

"Uh, Mr...Bug Eyes, I'm going to have to see some identification." Mixmaster said, holding out his massive hand.

Bug Eyes grumbled something under its breath, before pulling out an old and dusty drivers license. Mixmaster inspected it, before handing it back.

"I'm sorry sir, but you're not on the list." Mixmaster informed it.

"What? Not on the list? But I am the guardians of those teens you let in! I must be allowed in!" Bug Eyes cried.

"Sorry sir, not on the list."

"If you don't let me in, then I shall rend your soul to pieces!" An annoyed Bug Eyes snapped.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave before I call the police." Mixmaster warned Bug Eyes

"But I-!" Bug Eyes protested.

"Sir, please leave, I'll give you five minutes, and then I'm informing the police."

Bug Eyes again muttered something, before trudging off, flipping Mixmaster the bird as he left.

* * *

Inside, Kickback and Shrapnel were looking around, unable to find Bombshell. Instead they had run into a scary looking green skinned girl talking to a scary looking brunette with a bizarre name...it had started with T...a muscled, glaring human threatening Brawl with a finely sharpened pencil and another human with two different eye colours freaking out Skywarp.

"Where is he-he?" Shrapnel hissed.

"I don't know, but he better get here soon, Pee Wee Herman is getting drunker and drunker!" Kickback replied.

"Hey everybody, wanna see what I can do?" The drunk entertainer called out.

"Oh God! My eyes, they bleed!" Dirge screamed.

"Code Red! Code Red! Herman's doing it again!" Razorclaw barked into a walkie talky.

"Oooooook..." A stunned Kickback muttered.

"I did not need to see that-that." An equally shocked Shrapnel added.

* * *

Autobot base...

"Alright men, load the presents onto the space bridge! We teleport these bad boys right into the Decepticon HQ!" Optimus shouted to his troops, who let out a cheer in response.

"Optimus please, I'm telling you that this is a bad idea!" Jazz whispered as he stood by his leader's side.

"I'm not entirely sure what problem you have with this plan Jazz, so shut the hell up." Optimus said cheerfully as he waved to his (mostly) loyal troops.

"I just don't think that handing over a shitload of dangerous objects to the Decepticons is a smart move! I mean look, a Djin, a trapped Cenobite and an evil board game all in one neat little pile! This just screams bad idea to me sir!" Jazz hissed.

"Duly noted...now get the hell out of my sight." Optimus whispered back, still waving to his soldiers and smiling from beneath his faceplate.

"Son of a bitch!" Jazz cursed.

* * *

Wherever Bombshell is right now...

From atop a hovering platform, Bombshell surveyed his latest creation. Using the help of hundreds of his own clones, he had created his masterpiece: A giant push pin which he could use to stick the Earth and its moon into the sun, suspending it in place for all eternity, it was sheer...stupidity.

"Aha! Finally, my minutes of hard work and sheer genius shall come to fruition and I shall be forever remembered as the jackass who stopped time!" Bombshell cried.

Suddenly, Aku appeared in a puff of black flames "Oh for the love of-! This isn't what I had in mind you stupid hunk of crap!"

"I-what? You said stop the Earth from spinning, and that's what I'm doing!" Bombshell argued.

"With a giant push pin?-!" An incredulous Aku asked "I strive for chaos, normally the idiots like you that I trick into causing it do that just fine, but you? You? You're the dumbest one I've ever faced!" Aku hissed in annoyance.

"Uh, thank you...wait, no, not thank you! Not thank you at all!" Bombshell exclaimed.

"You can just go to hell!" Aku snarled as he kicked the pin over, causing it to crash into Bombshell and his clones, trapping them and crushing a number of buildings, before he disappeared in another puff of black flames.

"Uh...hello? Is anybody out there? I'd like to go to that party now..." Bombshell called out.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the Decep Party, Kickback and Shrapnel were beginning to lose hope that Bombshell was ever going to show up.

"Damn! This is a disaster! Where could he be-be?" Shrapnel asked.

"No idea...hey, you want to rummage through his presents and steal all the god ones?" Kickback asked.

"Sure!" Shrapnel exclaimed.

At that moment however, there was a bright flash of light, and a huge pile of presents came into being, crushing the old pile of presents.

"Hey, what the hell is this crap?" Kickback questioned

"Hey, I've got an idea, why don't you guys open that ivory puzzle box over there? I'll show you wonders!" Pinhead offered with a sleazy smile.

"Is he hitting on us?" Kickback asked.

"No I'm not bloody hitting on you! Now open the damn box so I can introduce you to my friend pain!" Pinhead snapped.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Edan warned as he walked up to the pair.

"Oh yeah, who says-says?" Shrapnel asked.

"My friend Cody" Edan answered, bringing out his card "He says that it would be a bad idea!"

"Hey, are you going to listen to a card, or are you going to open that damn puzzle box? Don't make me have to do a Frank Cotton Special on you!" Pinhead exclaimed.

"Hmmm, should we listen to the card, or the statue? Card, or statue? Card...Statue? Hmmm, this is a tough one!" Kickback mused.

"Edan, are you bothering other people with your supposed talking card again?" Temar asked.

"What? Of course Cody talks! And no I am not bugging them!" Edan exclaimed.

Temar sighed and placed a hand to her head "Oh for-! The card doesn't talk!"

"Hey, you weren't there! You weren't there!" Edan exclaimed "You and Dwier were off doing God knows what while I was being horribly mutilated by demon tentacles!"

"Demon tentacles?" Shrapnel whispered to Kickback, who shrugged.

"You are so ridiculously jealous!" Temar snapped, throwing her hands up in the air.

"What's that Cody? No I don't want your advice, stay out of this!" Edan cried.

"Hey, what's going on?" Ashlyn asked, walking up to the bickering group.

"My idiot ex-boyfriend is talking to a card." Temar replied.

"Huh, that's...No, I've still heard weirder." Ashlyn said, thinking back.

"Hey, while you guys were arguing about talking cards, we solved the puzzle box!" Kickback exclaimed as he and Shrapnel walked up, holding the twisted box.

"...What?" A stunned Ashlyn asked.

"Yeah, we totally solved it-it!" Shrapnel informed her.

"Looks to me like you just broke it apart and crudely taped it back together." Zatch pointed out, staring closely at the box.

"Good enough for me!" Pinhead exclaimed, bursting free of his statue "Now come, as I drag you all to hell!"

"Hey man, we're all giant transforming robots, you don't scare us!" Cyclonus told the Cenobite with confidence.

"Oh really? Not even if I was to do...this!" Pinhead shouted as he shot a hooked chain at Cyclonus...which promptly pinged off his hard metal skin.

"And your next trick would be...?" An unimpressed Motormaster asked.

"Oh Leviathan damn it! I'll make you-Whoa!" Pinhead exclaimed as he tripped on the Zuni doll and slid down the pile, knocking loose the Paris Hilton CD and scratching it'd wrapping paper.

Suddenly, an ominous music began to play, startling and shocking absolutely everyone single person that was present at the party.

"What the hell is that noise?" Scrapper asked, beginning to become nervous.

"Oh no! It's the deadly wailing of Paris Hilton!" Thrust screamed out in a panic, bursting his own eardrums with his own supersonic scream and killing Dirge.

"Let's get out of here!" Vortex cried as he sped off.

In the ensuing stampede, Dirge was crushed to death by many mechanical feet, and died in horrible agony.

Outside, Bug Eyes was pacing back and forth, wondering what was going on inside.

"What the bloody hell are those little mortals doing in there? It's One o'clock, that's way past their curfew!" Bug Eyes exclaimed.

Suddenly, he heard a rumble, as if the ground was moving, he cautiously moved up to the door and...was flattened as dozens of Decepticons and a handful of humans ran out.

"I-Urgh! Wait, please-! Argh! No, Nooooo!" Bug Eyes screamed as he was stepped on mercilessly.

"Hey, we're free!" Edan cried as he ran away.

"Wahoo! Party at Dwier's place!" Zatch shouted.

"Hey!" Dwier exclaimed in protest.

Two minutes later, a partially crushed Bombshell walked towards the entrance of the base, not noticing and subsequently stepping on Bug Eyes, before walking inside.

"Hello? I'm ready for my party now...I'm hungry and would like some cake!" Bombshell called out.

Suddenly, he heard Paris Hilton music.

"Oh God! What is that unholy music?-!" Bombshell cried, falling to his knees.

"If you want my advice, you'd come with me...I have such wonders to show you." Pinhead told Bombshell as he sat atop the pile of presents.

* * *

Gauntlet: And there you have it! The They Just Don't Care Anymore Birthday Special!

Vlad: Wasn't it exciting?

Aku: I very much enjoyed my hand in all this.

Ashlyn: Of course you do, you would be the one causing all that chaos.

Jenny: I thought it was a fun party, even after it was horribly ruined by the sudden arrival of demons from another dimension and the Paris Hilton CD!

Author: Well, I guess that's about all the time we have, so once again, we hope you enjoyed the birthday special, please don't forget to leave a review, and finally...Thanks for reading!

Aqua: Oh, and whoever names all the presents and the movies that they come from wins a biscuit!

Warning: Offer not valid anywhere except Jupiter's Moon of Io, contest expires two minutes ago.

Author: Bye!


	35. Chapter 35

Crystal: Hello once again to yet another instalment of...sigh...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Episode 34. Now, as usual, the Author does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters That belong to the Transformers and-

Author: DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

Crystal: Shut up before I hit you.

Author: Eep! Yes ma'am!

Crystal: Good, now anyway, please remember to enjoy the following story, don't forget to review, and finally...thanks for reading!

* * *

In the Autobot base, Pipes was hanging around Jazz, who was sitting down and reading the newspaper.

"So, when are we going to go out on an adventure?" Pipes asked the second in command.

"As soon as the opportunity presents itself." Jazz replied, flicking the page over.

"Uh huh, and when is that?" Pipes persisted.

Jazz sighed and lowered his paper "Look Pipes, adventures aren't a daily occurrence...although they really seem to be with us...it could take days, or even weeks to-!"

It was at this point that Optimus burst in.

"Big Damn Decepticons are causing trouble! They're attacking the city! Autobots transform and roll out!" Optimus cried, before running away.

As Pipes smiled, Jazz could only sigh.

* * *

In the Minions base, James, Sparky and Errol were on a stage. While James and Sparky had guitars, Errol was seated in front of a large drum set. Seated in front of them were most of the other Minions.

Errol looked around, puzzled "So...remind me again what we're doing?"

James sighed "Look, it's very simple, we're auditioning for _Minion Idol_ and we need a drummer, savvy?"

Errol only looked more puzzled than before "That's...not how Idol shows work..."

"I know, but _Minion Idol _is different, we all audition as a group, then we perform individually, then during the grand finale, we join back up together again." James explained.

"So, what songs should we practice?" Errol questioned.

"Do Bon Jovi!" The Author called out from the stands.

Sparky groaned in frustration and annoyance "Look man, every time we audition for this damn show, you always suggest we do Bon Jovi, and it never pays off! Face it, Bon Jovi sucks!"

The Author paused for a second, before chuckling nervously "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I said Bon Jovi su-Oof!" Sparky grunted as the Author suddenly appeared in front of him and punched him.

"Don't you ever say that again!" The Author cried in outrage, before walking off.

"...Damn dude..." A stunned Gauntlet muttered.

* * *

Elsewhere, the Autobots, consisting of Jazz, Pipes, Sunstreaker, Mirage, Starscream's ghost, Hound and Blurr were fighting the combined forces of the Combaticons, the Coneheads and Dr. Arkeville and his cyborg bodyguards...consisting of Cyborg 0010, Metal Man, Bomber Man, Spark Man, Pharaoh Man, Gyro Man and Frost Man...Yeah...

Their evil plan this time was to break into the local bank and steal everything...not a very original plan mind you, but hey, at least it's a plan.

"Stop, or I'll...say stop again!" Mirage cried pathetically.

Hound and Sunstreaker rolled their eyes before shoving Mirage away and opening fire on the villains.

In response, Pharaoh Man, 0010, Onslaught, Dirge and Ramjet opened fire as the others charged the Autobots, Gyro Man and Vortex quickly taking to the skies.

"Wow, this _is _exciting!" Pipes exclaimed as he sprayed corrosive acid on Dirge, melting him horribly.

"Yeah, sure, whatever you say." Jazz muttered as he swatted Metal Man away as he leapt at him.

"Die Autobots!" Brawl snarled as he tackled Blurr, smashing his head into a wall repeatedly.

"Ow!Ithurts!Why?" Blurr screamed as he was beaten.

"Is any of this really necessary?" Gyro Man asked as he provided covering fire for his fellows.

"Probably not, but when you're allied with the Decepticons, you can just forget about things like logic, or intelligence." Spark Man replied as he fired a lightning bolt at Hound.

Gyro Man sighed, before he continued to fire upon the Autobots.

"Ow! That hurt you little freak!" Swindle snarled as Starscream's ghost's shot grazed his shoulder.

Starscream's ghost emitted a shrill squeal as Swindle opened fire on him with every weapon he had...which turned out to be quite a lot of weaponry.

"Nooooo!" Dirge screamed as Hound lifted Dirge above him, before breaking his back by bringing him down onto his knee, killing him.

Soon, the Autobots had defeated the Decepticons, leaving only Dr. Arkeville and his bodyguards.

"Uh...truce?" Frost Man offered as he looked around to see all of his Decepticon allies down.

"So...what now?" Pipes asked.

Jazz brought out a sheet of paper that Optimus had handed him before they had left "It says here that we're supposed to...Oh God, let them escape so that they can attack us at a later date...Optimus you son of a bitch!"

"Well, that was a nice fight there, I guess we'll see you losers later!" Vortex sneered before he and the others started to leave.

"Wait!" Pipes called out, much to everyone's surprise "Uh, you don't think that I could hang out with you guys for a while, do you?"

"What the hell man?-!" An astonished Hound exclaimed.

"I want to see what sorts of cool stuff the Decepticons do!" Pipes answered, turning to face his comrades.

"Hmmm, interesting prospect...we shall discuss it!" Onslaught decided, turning to face his allies, who all huddled together.

"Weeeeeiiiiiiiiirrrrrd." Sunstreaker muttered.

After about a minute of conversing, Onslaught turned to face Pipes "Alright kid, we've decided that you get to hang out with Brawl for the night."

"...Why Brawl?" A confused Pipes asked.

"Well someone needs to babysit him!" Blast Off answered.

"Um...ok then...well, I guess I'll see you guys later! Ciao!" Pipes called out as he walked off with Brawl.

"What. The. Hell?" A terribly confused Jazz asked.

And so, Pipes drove down the road at high speeds while Brawl leaned out of the side window of Pipes' cabin and punched anyone who crossed their paths...quite a lot of people died.

* * *

Elsewhere, Gauntlet was monitoring the communications room, quite bored. Suddenly, the screen flashed to life, startling him. It was Jenny, she and Sparky were supposed to be out looking for new parts for one of Hideki's inventions, but right now it seemed as if they were in trouble.

"Gauntlet! Kchzzz-Need ba-Kchzzz-Roman's atta-Kchzzz-Urgent!" Jenny cried as the screen crackled and distorted.

"Roman?" Gauntlet exclaimed "Oh man, the Author's not going to like this..."

* * *

"WHAT?-!" The Author exclaimed.

"Yeah, it's Roman." Gauntlet replied.

"Oh that sonova-! Right, that's it, that is it! That creep isn't going to get away with attacking my Minions!" The Author snarled.

"So...what do we do?" Hideki asked.

"Well, _you're _going to go out and stop him, that's what!" The Author answered.

"Oh damn it." Lisa muttered as she and the others walked off.

* * *

Continuing on in their night of wild fun, Pipes was now watching Brawl as he sawed through a cable connected to an elevator.

"Jesus man, do you really think that this is such a good idea?" A nervous Pipes asked.

"Pipes, I'm a God damned Decepticon, I don't think!" Brawl reminded his associate as he finally cut through the cable, just as an elevator full of people began their descent...

...And nothing happened.

"What the-?" A stunned Brawl questioned.

"Yeah, there's never just one cable connected to an elevator, there are six to eight, with each one being able to hold up the capacity of the listed capacity of the car, plus an additional twenty five percent" Pipes pointed out "You...didn't really think this one through, did you?"

"...Shut up!" Brawl snapped.

* * *

In the market, Jenny and Sparky were pinned down. Roman's Minions, Apollo and Vesta had the pair pinned down.

"When did they say they were getting here?" Sparky asked as he fired a crackling jolt of electricity at Apollo.

"Uh...it shouldn't be long now..." Jenny replied as she picked up a shopping trolley and hurled it at the opposing Minions.

It was at this point that a loud explosion signified the arrival of the other Minions.

"About time." Sparky muttered as he stood up.

"Ah, here they come." Roman muttered as the Minions made their way towards him.

"Alright you little creep, you're going to stop this damn stupid rivalry with the Author and you're going to stop harassing us, capiche?" Lisa asked as she grabbed Roman and lifted him up by the collar.

"Uh, I think not, you see, my Minions don't like you very much, and if I didn't let them attack you jerks, then...well, I don't know what would happen, except it wouldn't be good, now would it?" Roman asked as he motioned towards his own Minions.

Stepping towards them were Juno, Roman's second in command, Romulus, his shape shifter, Ceres, Mercury, Diana, Apollo, Vesta, Orcus, and a new member, one with spiky purple hair, pale skin, and a third eye on his forehead...

"Eek! Girom!" Aqua cried as she leapt behind Jenny, cautiously peeking her head out.

"Well well, if it isn't my old friend Aqua! Strange, I could have sworn I killed you, oh well, this time I'll make sure I do!" Girom exclaimed as he grinned maliciously, causing Aqua to flinch.

"That's enough!" Jenny snapped, glaring at Girom with enough malice to wipe the grin off his face.

"Hmmm, I think I shall enjoy killing you." Girom said as he covered his arms in two ice blades.

"What the hell do you want Roman?" Lisa asked as Roman stood calmly, a smirk on his face.

"Well, I heard that you were auditioning for _Minion idol, _theproblem with that being that we were auditioning as well, and we'd rather not have the competition." Roman explained.

"So you're scared of us?" James asked, wiping the smirk off of Roman's face.

"No! I just don't like the idea of you fools competing against us!" Roman snapped.

"Yeah, yeah, chicken!" Sparky taunted, poking his tongue out.

"Enough!" Roman cried "We shall see who is the better side, Minions, attack!"

And with that, Roman's Minions rushed towards their foes.

"Go get 'em." Lisa quietly ordered her subordinates, who charged.

* * *

Back with Pipes and Brawl, Pipes had become tired of looking after Brawl, who had proceeded to break into an office building to draw graffiti on the bathroom walls and throw all of the computers out of the window, before egging a number of suburban houses...and by egging, I mean launching thermonuclear warheads at.

"Ugh, look man, this isn't turning out to be as great as i thought it would, I think I'll just go." Pipes told Brawl as he turned to walk away...

...Only to come face to face with Brawl. Confused, Pipes turned around...and saw Brawl standing behind him as well.

Weird.

"But you can't go yet! We're just starting to have fun! We're having fun right?" Brawl asked.

"Uh, no, no we're not, we're just going around performing random acts of destruction." Pipes pointed out.

"But you can't leave me unsupervised! Who shall look after me?" A suddenly meek and scared Brawl asked.

"Not my problem." Pipes replied as he started to walk off...

...Only to stop when he heard the sound of a gun cocking behind him. Turning around, Pipes saw that Brawl was pointing a gun at him.

"Not so fast! You agreed to spend time with me and by God, we're going to spend time together!" Brawl said in a quiet, yet very dangerous voice.

Pipes sighed in defeat "Fine, I guess I'll just have to-OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?-!-?-!" Pipes screamed, pointing behind Brawl.

"Wha-? Oof!" Brawl turned to look, only to be hit on the head by Pipes.

"Dumbass." Pipes muttered, dusting his hands off as he turned to leave.

* * *

Back in the market, the tired and wounded Minions stood over their...equally tired and wounded foes. Neither side seemed to have a clear advantage, and both seemed t be equal in terms of skill and fighting prowess, much to their annoyance.

"Ok, it's clear that we're not going to win that way." Crystal muttered as she wiped blood from the corner of her mouth.

"Agreed." Juno said as she bandaged a cut on her arm.

"So...what now then?" A puzzled Errol asked.

"Allow me to make a suggestion" Roman offered as he stepped forward "Why don' we settle this during _Minion Idol_? That way we can see which side is the better, hmmm?"

"Agreed!" James exclaimed before any of the others could say anything.

"Well that's just stupid." Crystal muttered.

"Very well then, we shall see you on the show then, ciao." Roman bid them farewell before he and his Minions disappeared into what appeared to be a pool of darkness which inexplicably appeared behind them.

"Well, I think that went rather well." Sparky said, oblivious to the glares that the others were giving him.

* * *

Back in the Autobot base, a tired Pipes collapsed onto the couch. Jazz walked up to him.

"Got tired of Brawl huh?" Jazz asked.

"Yep."

"You know he'll never forgive you for leaving him, right?"

"I kinda figured that."

"You are so screwed."

"Mmm hmmm."

* * *

Crystal: And...end of chapter 34. Wow, that was the worst one yet in my opinion, there was so little focus on the Autobots and so much on us, I mean, who wants to read about us, ugh...Anyway, we thank you for reading this, please remember to leave a review, and finally...thanks for reading, bye!


	36. Chapter 36

Dedicated to Leslie Nielsen, February 11 1926-November 28 2010

R.I.P.

* * *

"Oh, hi Sara." Spike greeted his son's friend as he opened the door.

"Hello Mr. Witwicky, is dumba-I mean, is Daniel home?" Sara asked as she fiddled with a small, mechanical cube.

Spike rolled his eyes "Yeah, he's just upstairs. Hang on, I'll go get him."

"Thanks Mr. Witwicky."

Spike walked up the stairs and entered his son's room "Hey, Daniel? Your friend Sara's here, she wanted to-" Spike broke off as he noticed a camera sitting on Daniel's dresser.

"Oh, ok, thanks dad." Daniel said as he began to leave.

"Uh, son...where did you get that camera?" An astonished Spike asked.

"Hmmm? Oh, I found it lying in the street! Neat, huh?" Daniel questioned with a smile.

"Uh, yeah...listen, why don't you go out and play with your friend, ok?" Spike suggested.

"Alright, cya dad!" Daniel called out as he ran down the stairs...and promptly tripped and fell the rest of the way down.

Spike sighed at his own son's stupidity, before closing the door, sitting on the bed and facing the camera "Hello Reflector."

The camera did nothing.

"I know it's you, we fought enough back in the day for me to recognize you." Spike said, staring at the camera.

The camera sighed "H-hey there Spike."

"So...what brings you to the hovel which is my son's room?" Spike questioned.

"Uh, Cyclonus noticed a whole lot of energy radiation coming from this area, and then we realised that you lived here, so we thought that the Autobots had given you some weapons or something, so Galvatron sent me here." Reflector answered.

"Huh" Spike muttered "You know, I've noticed some weird explosions in that empty lot recently, it started when one of his friends brought a weird cube here...weird."

Reflector seemed to shrug.

"So, what's going on with the Decepticons?" Spike asked.

"Oh, same old, same old...Galvatron's still insane, Skywarp's still a spaz and Cyclonus is still the glue which holds all of us sane Decepticons together...oh, and Soundwave got fired and rehired as the base's souvenir shop owner."

"Huh...how very...bizarre." Spike muttered.

Again, Reflector seemed to shrug...how that was possible for a camera is beyond me "Yeah..."

Spike suddenly stood up "Well, it sure has been nice talking to you Reflector, but I think it's time for you to leave...don't come back."

Spike strode over to Reflector, picked him up and punted him out the window.

"Argh! Oof!" Reflector grunted as he bounced off of the pavement and several pieces of him broke off.

The three separate pieces of Reflector broke off and transformed back into robot mode.

"Well, I guess..."

"...I should..."

"...Go home and get repaired."

Reflector groaned and walked off, dragging his/their broken pieces.

* * *

In the Autobot base, Hoist and Hauler were talking while standing around the water cooler.

"So, did you hear that lunatic who was on Chatterbox?" Hoist asked.

"Oh, you mean that Reed Tucker guy? Yeah, he was...he was messed up." Hauler replied as he took a sip from his cup.

"Yeah, and another thing is-" Hoist began, only to be cut off by a shrill scream.

"Aieeeee! They're all out to get me! They're all out to get me!"

"Red Alert?" Hauler asked.

"Red Alert." Hoist confirmed, not taking his eyes off of Hauler.

Suddenly, Red Alert came up, wearing a tinfoil hat on his head and clutching a rifle in his hands "Hey, have either of you guys seen Bluestreak?"

Hoist and Hauler exchanged glances before turning to face Red Alert.

"Uh...no?" Hauler replied, looking uncertain.

"Lies! YOU LIE!" Red Alert shrieked, baring his fangs (?) and waving his claws around (claws? Wait, what-?)

"Uh, ok, what do you want Blue-?" Hoist asked.

"He's plotting to get me! Get me I tell you! He tried to kill me!" Red Alert muttered, getting in close to the pair.

"Uh...how?" Hauler questioned.

"He placed a small, pike like weapon on my chair! It was probably poisoned too!" Red Alert suddenly shouted, causing Hauler and Hoist to jump back.

"You mean...a thumbtack?" A severely Hoist confused asked.

"No! Maybe...yes, yes it was a thumbtack...an evil thumbtack!" Red Alert shouted, his eyes wild and crazy looking.

"Uh, we think we maybe saw Bluestreak in...the moon." Hauler offered.

"Uh, yeah, the...the moon." Hoist added.

"To the moon!" Red Alert screamed as he ran and leapt out of a nearby window.

Hauler and Hoist looked puzzled for a moment, before getting back to their drinks.

"So...Did you catch Detroit City Survivor last night?" Hauler asked.

"Oh yeah, yeah...didn't Sanderson get shot?" Hoist questioned.

"Yeah, yeah, by Jellico." Hauler answered.

"Hmmm."

"Yep."

* * *

Back in the Decepticon base, Reflector was being patched up by Long Haul, Hook and Scavenger.

"Well, that just about does it, you guys should be as right as rain now." Long Haul assured Reflector as he wiped his brow.

"Not that anyone cares about the work we did..." Scavenger muttered under his breath.

"Aw shut it!" Hook snapped, shoving Scavenger down "We got the job done, and with my help, you two losers helped to make a masterpiece of construction!"

"Uh...thanks?" A confused Reflector said.

"Not you! My repairs!" Hook snarled, jabbing a finger at Reflector.

"Uh, well, thanks guys, I guess I'd better get going...bye!" Reflector thanked as he got off the slab and walked off.

"...So, are they one guy, or three?" A puzzled Long Haul questioned.

"Beats me." Scavenger replied, picking himself up off the floor...only to get knocked down again by Hook.

At that moment, Ramjet and Dirge walked in, both were carrying pieces of what looked suspiciously like Dirge.

Long Haul sighed "Ok, what happened this time?"

"Um...we kinda dared him to eat two dozen packets of baking powder and drink two gallons of vinegar." Ramjet replied, somewhat embarrassed.

* * *

Back at the Autobot base, Red Alert and Starscream's ghost were outside, both were carrying axes.

"So, what are we doing out here again?" Starscream's ghost asked.

"Oh, we're going to chop some wood...yes, chop some wood." Red Alert assured him.

"Oh...ok!" Starscream's ghost replied with a smile.

As Starscream's ghost walked off with a smile on his face, Red Alert rubbed his hands together "Yes, soon my little freak, your shall no longer plot against me because you'll be...dead! Dun, dun, dun, dun!"

"Are you coming or not?" Starscream's ghost called out.

"Yes...coming!" Red Alert whispered as he made his way to Starscream's ghost, the axe raised menacingly over his head.

* * *

Back inside the base, Huffer was talking to Jazz.

"So, have you seen Red Alert lately? Optimus wants him to make a report on the bases security systems." Huffer asked.

"Red Alert? Uh, I think I just saw him leave with Starscream's ghost...they were carrying axes, or something..." Jazz replied as he thought back.

"Huh...Strange." Huffer replied.

Suddenly, Hauler ran up to the duo "Hey! Have you guys seen Red Alert? He's been acting even crazier than lately and I'm worried that he's going to do something...well, crazy."

Huffer and Red Alert exchanged horrified glances, before running off.

"Uh...guys?" A confused Hauler asked.

* * *

"Where is he? Where is he? Where is he?-!" Jazz asked as he ran outside, Huffer and Hauler closely following him.

Suddenly, all three of them heard a loud, shrill scream.

"Oh no..." Huffer murmured, before racing towards the sound.

* * *

Red Alert sobbed as he clutched the handle of the axe which had caused so much pain "What...what have I done?"

"It looks like you've swung the axe into your leg there..."

Starscream's ghost stared at Red Alert and his accidentally self inflicted wound.

"Yes, thank you freak, I can see that, now are you going to do anything about it?" Red Alert asked through gritted teeth.

"Oh, ok!" Starscream's ghost replied, before merrily skipping over to the injured Red Alert.

"Wait! Stop! Don't kill Starscream's ghost Red Alert!" Jazz cried as he, Hauler and Huffer burst out into the open.

"Wait, what? Were you trying to kill me?-!" A horrified Starscream's ghost asked.

"No! Maybe...yes, yes I was..." Red Alert answered "Now, about this axe..."

Starscream's ghost ran screaming off into the forest.

"What a freak." Red Alert muttered.

"Oh, so you didn't kill Starscream's ghost after all, that was...um, lucky...I guess." Hauler muttered.

"That's not what I would call it." Huffer muttered, clearly disappointed.

* * *

In the Decepticons base, Reflector was walking around, bored and unsure of what to do. Suddenly, Cyclonus came up to him...them...whatever.

"Hey, Reflector, I've got a job for you!" Cyclonus called out.

"A job? Really? Well thank God for that, it's been boring as hell out here all day!" Reflector exclaimed "Is it exciting?"

Cyclonus looked unsure "Uh, yeah...real...real exciting."

* * *

Five minutes later...

"Aw, son of a bitch!" Reflector cursed as they took out the Decepticons laundry.

* * *

Back in the Autobot base, the Autobots had gathered around to talk about what they were going to do about the increasingly paranoid and dangerous threat that was Red Alert.

"I say we shiv him when his back is turned!" Warpath suggested, banging his fist on the table.

"I say we drug him, steal his parts and then we melt him down and sell him as paperweights!" Octane cried.

"I say we get this great big cannon-" First Aid began.

"Oh, and then I suppose we get him to stick his head in?" Optimus asked, voice dripping with doubt at the plan.

"Well, yes sir, and then we-" First Aid began again, only to be cut off...again.

"And then I suppose we set it off?" Optimus questioned.

"Um...yes, sir..." First Aid replied.

In response, Optimus glared at him for a few seconds, before throwing his paperweight at him.

"Well...I liked it!" Blades told First Aid in a supportive tone. First Aid merely sighed.

Suddenly, Scattershot stood up "Gentlemen, I believe that I have a better idea..."

* * *

A little later, Scattershot, Strafe, Jazz, Hauler, Optimus, Octane, Grimlock, Bluestreak, Sandstorm and Goldbug were creeping around near the Decepticons space bridge. Tied up and within a sack was Red Alert.

"Alright, are we all clear on the plan?" Scattershot asked.

"Yeah, we go over there, and while you program the coordinates, we watch your back to make sure that no Decepticons sneak up on you." Jazz answered.

"Correct! Alright, let's roll!" Scattershot muttered, and prepared to run towards the space bridge.

"Wait!" Sandstorm hissed, grabbing Scattershot's shoulder before he could get too far "Look! Constructicons!"

And it was true, moving towards the space bridge were Bonecrusher, Mixmaster and the leader of the Constructicons himself, Scrapper.

"Damn! It's too late! We must abort the mission!" Optimus cursed.

"What? Why?" Hauler asked.

"Because they could form Devastator! And he's too powerful for us!"Optimus replied.

"Well...the upper body of Devastator maybe..." Octane muttered.

"That's still too strong for us! Come Autobots, away!" Optimus cried, before trying to run off, only to be held back by a very annoyed Jazz.

"Not so fast! No one is going anywhere!" Jazz admonished his leader as he kept a tight grip on his shoulder.

"Aw, but I wanna!" Optimus whined as he struggled to break free of Jazz's grip.

At that moment, they all heard a grumbling noise. Turning they saw Reflector walking past, dragging a large sack with the Decepticon insignia on it, and muttering curses under his breath.

"Lazy, lousy, no good sons of-!" Reflector muttered, silencing himself when he heard the telltale click of a half dozen rifles being cocked "Uh...hi?"

"Alright, uh, runts, here's the deal, you're going to help us get to the space bridge or-!" Jazz began, only to be quickly cut off by Reflector.

"Deal." Reflector said quickly.

"Uh...huh?" A confused Jazz asked.

"Hey, you're obviously trying to get rid of something" Reflector pointed out, staring at the wriggling sack on the ground "And I want to get back at those bastards for sticking me with all of the crappy jobs which get me beat up or just plain suck! So yeah, I'm gonna help you."

Jazz stared for a moment, before lowering his weapon and motioning for the others to do the same "Oh, ok then. So, what did you have in mind?"

Reflector smiled knowingly.

* * *

Beside the space bridge, Scrapper thought he heard something "Huh?"

Reflector stuck his head out from behind a rock "Hey, Scrapper! Do you think you could give me a hand here?" Reflector called out.

"Yeah, sure, uh...guys...is that right? Guys? I can't tell if Reflector is one guy or three..." Scrapper whispered to Mixmaster, who just shrugged in response.

As Scrapper walked off, Bonecrusher thought he heard a rustling in the nearby bushes.

"Huh? Mixmaster, did you hear anything?" Bonecrusher asked.

"No, now shut up and guard!" Mixmaster snapped.

It was at this point that the Autobots leapt out of the bushes and opened fire.

"Oh no! Autobots!" Bonecrusher gasped, raising his weapon and firing.

"Ya think?-!" Mixmaster yelled as he too opened fire.

"Only one thing left to do then...Constructicons! Combine to form Devastator!" Bonecrusher cried as he and Mixmaster leapt into the air to form...

Devastator's torso, left leg and arm.

"W-WHA-?" Devastator's torso questioned in a mix of Mixmaster and Bonecrusher's voices.

Jazz could only stare at the monstrosity that was composite Mixmaster-Bonecrusher "Wow, this is sad even by Decepticon standards...let's wipe him out boys."

And with that, the Autobots unleashed their full arsenal on Torso-stator, blowing huge chunks out of him.

"Right, all lame-ass battle aside, let's take out the trash!" Jazz said as he dusted off his hands.

"Right, on it Jazz!" Scattershot cried as he ran over to the space bridge's control and began inputting his coordinates "And...done! We are good to go!"

"Bluestreak! Goldbug! Prepare the bag!" Optimus called out.

With that, Goldbug and Bluestreak stepped forward, carrying Red Alert's sack.

"Ready...Aim...Fire!" Optimus commanded.

And so, the pair of Autobots who were holding Red Alert's sack unceremoniously threw him into the space bridge, zapping him to space unknown.

"Alright, mission accomplished! Go, go, go!" Optimus cried, before running off.

"But why don't we-?" Strafe began, motioning towards the space bridge.

"No time! Gooooooo!" Optimus shouted, throwing himself off of a cliff which had inexplicably materialised next to him.

A few minutes later, Reflector and Scrapper returned, all...four of them carrying the laundry bag. When they witnessed the spectacle that was half-Devastator, they stopped.

"So...you failed again huh?" Scrapper asked the moaning heap.

* * *

Back in the Autobot base, the "noble" and "valiant" Autobots were celebrating their recent victory over the paranoid forces of Red Alert and the stupid forces of the Decepticons.

"So, where did you end up sending Red Alert?" Hauler asked.

"Oh, don't worry, I sent him to a very high tech planet full of hyper intelligent cyborgs, he should be home in no time." Scattershot replied.

* * *

Planet Tek...

On Doomsday.

* * *

FIN.


	37. Christmas Special

Jenny: Hiya! Welcome to the first ever...

Minions: THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!

Lisa: We're all here to celebrate the magical holiday which is Christmas...through comedy!

James: Wonderful, isn't it?

Crystal: So sit back, enjoy some popcorn or whatever...

Aqua: And enjoy the TJDCA Christmas Special! Yay!

Hideki: And remember, the Author does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters which are related to The Transformers.

Sparky: But you knew that, didn't you?

Jenny: So without further ado...On to the story!

* * *

Ah, Christmas, _It's the most wonderful time of the year_ as they say...

"ATTACK!"

...Assuming that you're not a Decepticon, that is.

"Damn it Galvatron, attacking on Christmas? This is low, even for you!" Jazz exclaimed as he used a Christmas star like a shuriken and threw it through Dirge's head, killing him.

"Hey, evil doesn't settle for simple Tuesday!" Galvatron snapped as he blew Grapple away as he leapt at him.

"Galvatron, even I agree that this is pathetic, this stoops to George Washington levels of indecency!" Cyclonus pointed out.

"I fail to see how slaughtering people on Christmas is in bad taste." Galvatron replied as he crushed Sludge's head under his foot.

"Well, neither did Washington." Cyclonus added as he half heartedly returned fire on the Autobots.

"Oh for God's sakes! This is just getting ridiculous! Technobots, combine to form...Christmas Computron!" Scattershot commanded.

At once, the other Technobots all converged on their leaders position and began to combine...Christmas Computron, who was incredibly like regular Computron, except he was wielding a finely sharpened candy cane like a sword, had two Christmas stars positioned on the top of each antennae, was wreathed in tinsel and was surrounded by several floating ornaments.

At once, Christmas Computron began smashing his way through the ranks of the Decepticons, sending Scavenger, Scrapper, Astrotrain and Reflector flying with one well timed sweep of one massive hand, before trying to crush Blot, Dirge and Soundwave...only Dirge wasn't quick enough to dodge.

"Oh for the love of God! Somebody do something!" Galvatron snapped "Menasor! Don't you have some kind of festive holiday mode, or something?"

"Well actually, we're all stuck at the Halloween phase, none of us are strong enough yet to reach our Christmas forms..." Motormaster pointed out.

"Oh, whatever, just do that!" Galvatron snapped as he threw Blurr away as he tried to tackle him.

"Uh, ok then...Stunticons, combine to form...Halloween Menasor!" Motormaster ordered somewhat half heartedly.

At once, Halloween Menasor was created, having a jack o' lantern mask covering his face, fake wings stapled to his back, claws and fangs and the ever important vorpal blade, excellent against Jabberwockies, surprisingly bad against everything else.

"PREPARE FOR ATTACK!" Menasor rumbled as he raised his sword menacingly.

"PREPARE TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED!" Computron countered as he too raised his weapon.

"We can't stand by and let this happen! Men, let us combine to create Devastator!" Mixmaster suggested.

"How? We're down by two people." Long Haul pointed out.

"Oh please, that never stopped us the last two times that's happened, why should it stop us now?" Mixmaster asked.

"I say we go on strike, pass it on." Hook whispered to Long Haul, who nodded in agreement.

"Devastator! Now!" Mixmaster suddenly shouted.

"What a man, I'd follow him to the ends of the Earth I would!" Bonecrusher murmured in what seemed to be a strange combination of admiration, respect and lust.

"PREPARE FOR A-OH GOD DAMN IT!" Devastator was horrified to notice that he had neither a left leg or a head...he was quite annoyed to say the least.

"Well if that ain't the most pathetic sight ya ever did see..." Beachcomber muttered in shock.

"Get 'em!" Outback cried as he, Bluestreak, Warpath, Tailgate, Swerve, Sideswipe and Huffer all launched themselves at the partially complete Devastator, who was promptly sent sprawling.

"Don't worry guys, I'll finish him off with my festive napalm acid mix! It's a horrific green and red swirl of pain!" Inferno shouted as he approached his comrades who were still atop Devastator.

"Wait, don't-!" A panicked Swerve cried out in horror...

...As Inferno's festive napalm acid mix blew up in his face, setting him on fire...and Dirge, who happened to get too close.

"Argh! Oh God! Oh God! It burns! Oh, the agony!" Inferno screamed as he ran around in great big flaming circles.

"Somebody put him out!" First Aid cried.

"We got it!" Grimlock shouted as he, Snarl and Slag ran up to Inferno and began to beat the hell out of him.

"Aaahh! No you idiots, no! What is wrong with you?-!" Inferno screamed.

Meanwhile, the Predacons were standing on the sidelines in shock.

"Uh...what the hell is going on here?" An astonished Divebomb asked.

"I don't know...all I know is that it's wrong on so many levels..." Kickback muttered in reply.

Finally, it hit Seaspray that he could probably put Inferno out by spraying him with water, and after putting a fair amount of slush in a bucket, he promptly threw it at the flaming and badly burnt Inferno.

"Wow..." A stunned Hauler simply said.

"Huh...Optimus, what do you make of all this?" Gears asked.

Optimus seemed to light up at this "Well, to answer that, why don't we go to Hound for everyone's favourite sketch: Just How Crazy Was That!" Optimus exclaimed, pointing to Hound, who was standing next to a numbered chart.

"Well Optimus, on a scale of one to ten, one being the lowest and ten being the highest, I would rate the actions of Inferno to be...a Sarah Palin." Hound announced as he stamped the chart with a sticker of Sarah Palin.

Cyclonus sighed as he witnessed the spectacle "Well, that didn't go terribly well, now did it?"

Galvatron stared in shock "...Wha-? Aw, shut up!"

"Should I order the retreat sir?" Shockwave asked as he turned to face Galvatron.

"No, I forbi-Urk!" Galvatron exclaimed, before Cyclonus suddenly struck him over his head.

"Right, let's go, this farce has gone on for too long." Cyclonus muttered, before turning to the Coneheads "Somebody drag this idiot back!"

"Huh...victory for the Autobots...I guess...Yay!" Optimus cheered.

Jazz merely sighed and massaged his temples.

* * *

At the base...

"Ok guys, so how are the decorations coming along?" The Author asked as he came along to inspect the efforts of his Minions.

"A-OK, we're almost done here!" Sparky called out as he Gauntlet, Vlad and Jenny decorated the living room.

"Ok then, keep up the good work!" The Author shouted as a pair of Shrieklings wearing antler headbands walked by, carrying a Christmas tree.

"And how are they doing?" Lisa asked as she approached the Author.

"Fine, fine...how are Crystal, James, Hideki and Errol going in the hallways?" The Author questioned.

"They're keeping to the schedule, if we keep this up we should complete the work on time for a change." Lisa answered as she checked out a clipboard.

"Y'know something? You're way too...uh...uptight, that's the word, loosen up! It's Christmas!" The Author reminded her.

Lisa sighed "That may be, but we have a lot of work to do, what with the decorations, secret Santa-"

"Secret Father Christmas." The Author reminded her.

Lisa sighed and rolled her eyes "Whatever, and Sparky and Hideki still have the Christmas dinner to prepare."

The Author shrugged "Eh, I'm sure they'll do it, have a little faith."

"I do, it's just that there's a lot of work to be done in just a few short hours...it gets me so frustrated, y'know?" Lisa asked.

"Look, you've been working hard, take some time off...maybe spend some time with Errol...?" The Author told her with a slight smirk.

In response, Lisa hit him over the head with her clipboard before walking off.

"Oh come on, it was just a joke!" The Author called out.

* * *

Back at the Decepticons headquarters, Galvatron was drowning his fourteenth scotch for the night.

"Hic...well, I shuppose it'sh time to hit the hay..." Galvatron slurred before standing up groggily and teetering off to his room.

_Galvatron...Galvatron..._

"Eh?" The drunken Galvatron asked as he looked around, wondering where the noise had come from.

After a moment of hearing nothing, Galvatron set off for his room once more. Finding himself outside of it, Galvatron reached for the doorknob and...

...Was shocked to see that the knob had turned into the face of Lord Zarak.

"Well...this is new...disturbingly new..." Galvatron muttered.

"...What? Your doorknob turns into my handsome face and that's all you can say? What the hell is wrong with you?-!" Zarak asked in anger.

"Hey, I've fought a planet sized Satan and I'm crazy! Nothing surprises me anymore!" Galvatron countered.

"Oh...well then..." Zarak trailed off.

"So...what are you doing here anyway?" Galvatron questioned.

"Well, since we last encountered each other, I was doomed to spend an eternity of suffering and misery!" Zarak informed Galvatron.

"Oh, hell?" Galvatron asked.

"No, Detroit!" Zarak answered.

Galvatron could only shudder at that "So why are you here then?"

"To warn you that if you don't change your miserly ways, you too could end up in Detroit!" Zarak warned Galvatron.

"Uh huh..." Galvatron said.

"So, you will be visited by three ghosts who will attempt to aid you in your quest for rede-Hey!" Zarak exclaimed as Galvatron twisted him as if he were still a doorknob.

"Hey, that's great and all, but I gotta get some sleep before the hangover kicks in, kay?" Galvatron asked.

"No it ain't "kay"! I'm trying to save your immortal spark here moron!" Zarak snapped.

"Oh, I sold that." Galvatron revealed.

"You sold it?-! To who?-!" Zarak questioned.

"Oh, Unicron, Satan...Cyclonus for the last packet of corn chips..." Galvatron replied.

Zarak sputtered in anger and disbelief "What the hell is wrong with you?-!"

"...So many things...Good night!" Galvatron shouted as he opened the door, snapped Zarak off of it, threw him away and shut the door.

"Hey, wait! You can't do this to me! Galvatron you stupid nimrod!" Zarak cried out in outrage as he lay in a corner behind a spider web.

"Well, time to get me some sleep!" Galvatron exclaimed as he threw himself onto the bed, unwittingly crushing Dirge, who was hiding underneath it for some reason.

* * *

Back at the Author's base, the decorations had been set up and now everyone was enjoying the Author's annual Christmas party. Sparky and Jenny were talking by the punchbowl, James and Crystal were on the couch, Vlad and Ashlyn were playing chess while Gauntlet were watching and Errol and Lisa where talking to each other.

"Wow, you sure got this place looking great." Lisa observed.

"Well, we couldn't have done it without your efficiency." Errol complimented.

Lisa blushed "Thanks, but you guys did most of the work, me and the Author were mostly just watching."

It was at that point that the doorbell rang.

"Guests?" Errol asked, raising his eyebrow.

"None that I know of." Lisa replied, looking at the door curiously as Sparky ran to answer it.

"Hello?" Sparky asked as he opened the door.

"Hi, Roxanne Simmons, I'm Hideki's girlfriend." A tall, pretty black haired young woman with glasses greeted as she answered the door, a large present in her hand.

"Oh, right, hi. We met before, remember?" Sparky asked.

"Um...Oh right, when you were fighting that creep who controlled water and his two weirdo friends, right?" Roxanne questioned.

"Yeah...Chaser, Nick and...Ricky..." Sparky answered, his throat catching at the mention of his greatest enemy.

"So, can I come in?" Roxanne asked.

"Oh, of course, come on in, Hideki should be in his workshop, he said he was working on something for the party." Sparky explained.

"Ok then, thanks Sparky!" Roxanne called out as she made her way towards Hideki's workshop.

"Huh...wonder if anyone else is gonna show up?" Sparky asked himself.

"So, who was that?" Lisa asked as she and Errol approached.

"Oh, that was Hideki's girlfriend, she's nice...works at SETI." Sparky explained.

* * *

Back in the Autobots base, everyone was gathered around in the assembly hall for Secret San-

"Secret Father Christmas!"

...Whatever...

"All right peeps, everyone take a name out of this hat!" Optimus commanded from atop his podium, Jazz by his side.

"Um...that's not a hat...it appears to be Dirge's severed head..." Gears pointed out.

Optimus merely chuckled jovially "Heh, heh...yeah..."

Cautiously, Starscream's ghost walked up to the podium and plucked a name out of the head.

"I got Sandstorm!" He cried happily.

In response, Optimus smacked him on the back of the head "You're not supposed to say it moron!"

And so, Starscream's ghost ran off screaming and sobbing.

Jazz sighed "Alright, next!"

A few minutes later, Cliffjumper, Inferno, Blades, Seaspray, Wheeljack and Fireflight were all gathered around and inspecting whose names they had received.

"I got Warpath." Blades reported.

"I have Huffer." Inferno replied.

"I've got Jazz!" Cliffjumper cried.

"They've given me Hauler" Fireflight told the others.

"For me...Scattershot." Wheeljack informed them.

"I got a rock." Seaspray reported, holding up a rock for the others to see "...also Perceptor."

"Well, that settles it then...to the gift store!" Cliffjumper cried as he ran off, closely followed by his idiotic compatriots.

Seaspray sighed "You know, sometimes even I think we're depressingly stupid..."

"Suck it up!" Wheeljack snapped, bitch slapping Seaspray.

* * *

In the Decepticon HQ, Galvatron was laying down for the night to recharge. It seemed that no sooner had he shut his eyes that a bright light enveloped his room.

"Uh? Damn it Swindle! What did I tell you about running meth labs in my room?-!" An annoyed Galvatron shouted.

"Swindle is not here."

"Wh-who said that?" Galvatron asked, astonished.

A figure clad in a white robe stepped forward, wreathed in a shining white light, a bright flame seemed to be emanating from the hood of his robe. In one robed hand was a magnificent golden sceptre. The figure threw back his hood to reveal...

Windcharger, with a small flame floating above his head and wearing a stupid looking metal cap...and also missing his arms for some reason.

"What? Autobot! How the bloody hell did you get into my room?-!" Galvatron questioned.

"Well, I am a ghost, in fact, I am one of the three spirits who is to visit you. I am...the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future!" Windcharger revealed.

"Right, and where are your arms?" Galvatron persisted with his questions.

Windcharger looked down at his stumps for a moment "Um...I have to make a quick stop before I take you on your mystical journey of revelation..."

* * *

In Wheeljack's laboratory...

"Damn it! There must be some kind of cool present in here somewhere!" Wheeljack cursed as he rummaged around through a pile of junk.

Suddenly, a flash of light caught Wheeljack's attention, and he looked up to see a robed and head flaming Windcharger, accompanied by Galvatron.

"Windcharger! I thought you were dead even though I and several others mysteriously got better! How are ya buddy? Need any explosives?" Wheeljack asked, ignoring Galvatron as he stuffed a nuclear grenade into his pocket.

"Actually, I want my arms back you stupid son of a bitch!" Windcharger snapped.

"Oh...those...Well, don't worry, I've just been using those to commit war crimes and torture Dirge!" Wheeljack explained.

Windcharger spluttered in rage and shock "Torture?-! Wheeljack you idiot! My arms were never meant for that!"

"Well...they are now!" Wheeljack exclaimed as he lifted them up for Windcharger to see.

"Give me those!" Windcharger snapped, telekinetically grabbing his arms and fusing them back to his nubs.

"Coool!" Galvatron exclaimed as he covertly snatched weapons grade plutonium.

"Now that we have that out of the way, let's...Aw to hell with it." Windcharger muttered as he suddenly turned to Wheeljack and used the magnets in his arms to throw him into a wall, before proceeding to hurl him out of a window.

"Damn dude." Galvatron muttered.

"Right, now that we have that out of the way, let's continue on our journey of self discovery, ok? Our first stop, your childhood!" Windcharger announced as he used his magical ghost powers to teleport the two of them into the past.

Instantly, the flame on Windcharger's head enveloped both him and Galvatron, before receding.

"Wha-?" A stunned Galvatron asked as he opened his eyes and lowered his arms. Where once had been the harsh, metal interior of the _Ark_, now was the harsh, metal exterior of Cybertron...only, different somehow.

"Welcome to the past!" Windcharger exclaimed as he raised his arms in a gesture of grandeur.

"Lame." Galvatron said, earning him a whack to the head from Windcharger's sceptre.

"Just shut up and pay attention! Ah, there's you!" Windcharger exclaimed as he pointed out a small, grey Decepticon.

Galvatron turned to see his younger self...being whipped mercilessly by a Quintesson slave master.

"Mush slave! Mush!" The Quintesson barked as he whipped Megatron.

"I love you cold, unfeeling robot overlord." Megatron squeaked.

"And I love it when you work maggot!" The Quintesson snapped as he used his tentacles to beat the helpless young Decepticon.

"You see Galvatron? Your anger stems from an abusive childhood where you-Hey, where the hell did he-? Oh dear God!" Windcharger exclaimed as he saw Galvatron beating the hell out of Megatron.

"Take that you snot nosed little brat! Ahahaha!" Galvatron laughed as he began pummelling his past self with the Quintesson slave master.

"...This is messed up beyond all reason..." Windcharger muttered in shock.

* * *

In the Author's base...

Sparky heard the doorbell ring again and stood up to answer it.

"Sparky!" Max cried as he ran up to his old friend.

"Urk! Hello Max..." Sparky chocked out as his former main annoyance hugged him.

"Hey dude, long time no see." Blaze greeted as she, David and Charlie walked in.

"Oh, you're here too...are the...others with you?" Sparky asked as Max let him go.

Blaze laughed and gave him a friendly punch on the arm "You're funny! Of course they're here! We'll go make ourselves at home, why don't you greet the others, K?"

"Max? Is that-Oh God no! Not the mistletoe hat!" Sparky could hear Ashlyn shout.

Sparky sighed, this was going to be a long party.

* * *

In the Autobot gift store, Fireflight was desperately looking around for a gift for Hauler.

"Hmmm, something good, something good...Um, a novelty pencil sharpener?" Fireflight asked himself as he held up a pencil sharpener in the shape of Galvatron dressed up as a clown "...This is so stupid."

"QUESTION: DO YOU WANT MY ADVICE?" A voice asked.

"Gah!" Fireflight cried as he jumped a meter into the air and hovered nervously "Who said that?"

"ANSWER: I DID." The voice replied as he stepped out behind a rack of snow globes to reveal...

"Soundwave? What the hell are you doing here?" A shocked Fireflight asked.

"EXPLANATION: DUE TO THE SUCCESS OF MY KNICK KNACK STORE, I HAVE BRANCHED OUT TO OTHER LOCATIONS, INCLUDING YOUR BASE." Soundwave replied.

"Oh...huh...So, what do you suggest?" Fireflight asked.

"THOUGHT: HMMM...PERHAPS THIS NOVELTY PENCIL SHARPENER?" Soundwave suggested, holding it up.

Fireflight sighed.

* * *

In the past...

"Ok, let's try this...you're just starting out as leader of the Decepticons and you're looking for followers..." Windcharger suggested as his head flame enveloped the pair and dumped them at another point in time.

"Hey, look, there's old me!" Galvatron exclaimed as he pointed at Megatron, who was standing on a box and waving a sign that read "JOIN THE DECEPTICONS OR I'LL KILL YOU".

"Join the Decepticons or I'll kill you! Join the Decepticons or I'll kill you!" Megatron cried at several passersby "You sir! You look like you'd like to join a military force of doomy doom!"

"Hey, what's with all those urchins running around in the background?" Galvatron asked as he motioned to the children running around in the street.

"What?" An annoyed Windcharger asked.

"Are there no torture chambers? Are there no slave pits?" Galvatron questioned.

Windcharger just sighed "Shut up and look at the vision."

"Join the Decepticons! Visit strange and exotic planets, meet interesting people, kill them-"

Suddenly, a can struck Megatron on the back of the head.

"Hey Mega-jerk! I see you're still a loser!" Soundwave shouted out as he and his gang walked up.

"Oh God damn it!" Megatron hissed as he picked himself up off the ground.

"Ello', ello', what's all this 'ere then?" The leader of the Autobots asked as he approached, closely followed by a group of Autobot soldiers.

"Uh, nothing sir, we were just-Argh!" Soundwave screamed as Megatron tackled him.

"Hey! He just tackled da boss!" Frenzy exclaimed.

"Let's get him!" Rumble cried.

Ravage yowled, properly translated it would have sounded like "I concur!"

What happened next was a massive brawl between Megatron, Soundwave, his gang, the Autobots and several nearby dockworkers.

"Argh! I am hit and am dead!" The Autobot leader cried as he clutched at a wound in his side.

"Good God! You killed him! What the hell is wrong with you?-!" A dockworker named Dion exclaimed.

"Uh...he did it!" Megatron cried, pointing at Soundwave.

"What?-!" Soundwave shrieked.

"Well you're all under arrest and-Wait a minute, where the hell's the Matrix?" An Autobot guard asked, looking around.

"Where did that thing go anyway?" Galvatron watched as he surveyed the scene.

Nobody seemed to notice a red mech with a blue helmet sneaking away, smuggling a cloth under his arms, eyes shifting about all...shiftily...

"And the point of that was?" Galvatron asked.

"To show you where exactly your life went wrong of course!" Windcharger explained "See, if you never became a Decepticon, you would have remained as the relatively saner Megatron and would have gone on to have a career in the field of dental hygenistry...wait, is that even a word...hygenistry?"

Galvatron blinked "That is...dumbest thing I have ever heard!"

Windcharger sighed and extinguished the flame on his head with his metal cap "Alright, this is bullshit! I have tried patiently to help you change your ways and stop you from eternal damnation in Detroit, but noooooo! You had to be an idiot and ignore me! Well you can burn in Detroit for all I care! This vision is over!"

And with that, the bleak and lifeless surroundings of Cybertron suddenly vanished and Galvatron found himself back in his room.

"Huh...well that was...crappy...oh well, good night world!" Galvatron shouted as he threw himself back down onto his bed and promptly went to sleep.

* * *

Elsewhere, Blades was scouring the city, looking for the perfect gift.

"Well, let's see...I could steal the weapons store, Warpath likes guns...or is that me? Yeah, it's probably me." Blades said to himself "Um...aha! I think I got it!" Blades murmured as he made a sudden turn, slicing into an office building as he headed towards the city centre.

* * *

At the Author's base...

I'll get it!" Sparky shouted as he heard the doorbell.

"ROWR!"

"Eek!" Sparky cried as something large and orange leapt at him, tackling him and pinning him on the floor.

"Hello lover"

"J-Jasmine?" An astonished Sparky asked.

"Yep! Thought I'd stop by and see how you were doing these holidays. Miss me sweetie?"

"Uh, yeah sure...are the other Offbeats with you?" Sparky questioned.

Jasmine shook her head "Nope, I came by myself, I was hoping to get some alone time with you..."

Sparky chuckled nervously "Uh, yeah, you remember that I have a girlfriend now, right?"

Jasmine pouted "Oh, you're no fun at all! Oh well, which way to the champagne?"

Sparky rubbed his head as Jasmine got off of him and allowed him to stand up "Yikes..."

* * *

In Galvatron's room...

"Wakey wakey...Hello? Oh come on. Hey! Oh for God's-!WAKE UP!"

"Aaahh!" Galvatron shouted as he was startled out of bed "Who are you?"

Standing in front of him was a figure in a fur lined green robe, a crown of mistletoe upon his head and a bejewelled staff with a Christmas bauble atop it. All around them were decorations and food, creating a lavish banquet fit for a Duke, or even an Earl "I am the Ghost of Christmas Present From the Now, and I come to-"

"You're Ratchet, aren't you?" Galvatron asked.

The figure seemed to hesitate "I am the Ghost of Christmas Present From the Now and I come here before you to-"

"But you are Ratchet, right?" Galvatron persisted.

The Ghost of Christmas Present from the Now sighed and threw back his hood, revealing his face "Yes, yes I am Ratchet, are you happy now?"

"I'm never happy." Galvatron replied as he fired a shot out of his window, vaporising Dirge as he walked by.

Ratchet rolled his eyes "Of course not. Come on, we've got a lot to see and only a short time to see it all."

"Well, where are we going? The far flung future? The depths of my mysterious past?" Galvatron questioned.

Ratchet blinked in surprise "You really don't get this, do you? Let me spell it out for you: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present. See? It says it right there in my name, the Ghost of Christmas Present. Present, see? As in, the here and now."

"...I still don't get it..." Galvatron said, gazing dumbly at Ratchet.

"Of for-! Never mind, let's just get going, time is short." Ratchet replied as he opened the window and leapt out of it, taking a hold of Galvatron.

"So...where we going exactly?" Galvatron asked.

"Well, our first stop is right here, we're going to see how your fellow Decepticons are doing." Ratchet explained as he and Galvatron floated through the halls.

"So...did we really need to jump out of the window for that?" Galvatron asked in one of his extremely rare moments of clarity.

Ratchet paused for a second...he hadn't really thought of that "Ah, never mind, let's just keep going then, shall we?"

"You da boss man Mr. Ghosty!" Galvatron exclaimed, quickly settling back into insanity.

Ratchet could only sigh.

* * *

In the Author's base, Everyone was having a good time, drinking, snacking popping those...party...gift giving...things...you know what I mean!

"Well, this is turning out to be an awesome party!" David said as he looked around.

"You got that right, it's about the only time when Ashlyn acts even a little charitable." Gauntlet replied as Ashlyn walked up to Jenny.

"Uh, Jenny..." Ashlyn called out.

"Yeah Demi?" Jenny responded, turning to face her.

"Uh...this is for you..." Ashlyn replied as she shoved a gift wrapped box into Jenny's hands.

"A present? Oooh, thanks!" Jenny exclaimed, drawing a very reluctant Ashlyn into a hug.

"Um...please let go now." A blushing Ashlyn told Jenny.

Jenny let go "Oh, sorry Demi!"

Ashlyn turned to leave, stopped, turned and faced Jenny "Um...you can call me Ashlyn."

Jenny's eyes lit up "Really?"

Ashlyn sighed "Sure...but just for the holidays, got it princess?"

Jenny shook her head enthusiastically "Oh yeah, got it! Thank you so much Ashlyn!"

Aqua giggled at the sight "Aw, so cute!"

Sparky smiled and raised an eyebrow "Well, there's something you don't see every day, Ashlyn acting nice!"

"Damn dude, that is seriously weird!" Blaze exclaimed, eyes wide and staring "My idol is so complex!"

Suddenly, the doorbell rang again.

"Argh! Who the hell is it this time?-!" Sparky asked.

Charlie shrugged "Probably the rest of the guys, they said they were getting something special..."

Sparky rushed to the door and opened it.

He was amazed by what he saw.

There in the doorway was Sergei, Ace, Earl and...Bill.

"Bill? You're here?" An astonished Sparky asked.

Bill smiled faintly "Yeah, they said I was strong enough to make it...can we come in?"

"Uh...sure...go ahead." Sparky said, staring.

"Thanks." Bill replied as he walked inside, closely followed by Earl.

"Surprised?" Ace asked.

"Yeah, I thought he was still in therapy, you know, after his little...breakdown?" Sparky asked.

Sergei shrugged "I talked to the professor, he said Bill was fine to attend this party, as long as he didn't overdo it."

Sparky smiled "Great, you guys coming in?"

And they did.

* * *

Back at the Decepticon base, Galvatron and Ratchet were flying through the halls until they happened upon the break room. Inside were Scourge, Cyclonus, Shockwave, Astrotrain, the Constructions, save for Bonecrusher and Mixmaster, Onslaught, Brawl, Reflector, the Insecticons and the Stunticons.

"Ugh, I am so damn tired!" Scourge moaned as he threw himself into a chair.

"You're telling me." Reflector added wearily as he...they (?) lay in a heap.

"You think we'll be able to catch the Autobots Christmas party?" Long Haul asked.

Motormaster shook his head "I doubt it, you know how Galvatron gets when we ask him about the Autobots and parties."

Shrapnel sighed "Yeah...yeah."

Brawl snorted "Who cares? It's just a stupid party!"

Dead End turned to him "You want to go, don't you?"

Brawl sighed "Yeah..."

"well, we could still try?" Astrotrain suggested.

"It's no use, he'd never go for it." Cyclonus muttered from his seat.

The entire group sighed.

Ratchet turned to Galvatron "Do you see how disappointed they are? Don't you feel bad?"

Galvatron shifted uncomfortably "No! Maybe...No! Not at all! Maybe..."

Ratchet smirked "Maybe you are learning something after all."

Galvatron frowned "Whatever, let's go."

As he walked out, he accidentally brushed the coffee machine off the counter.

"What the-?" A surprised Onslaught asked.

"It wasn't me!" Wildrider insisted.

"Well that was weird..." Kickback muttered as he and Reflector examined the broken coffee machine.

Ratchet sighed and followed Galvatron. As he walked past the smashed coffee machine, it began to repair itself, until it stood in pristine condition, startling the Decepticons.

"What just happened?" A very confused Shockwave asked as Hook looked on in shock.

* * *

"Next, we're going to see how the Autobots deal with Christmas. First off, Cliffjumper is working as a lounge singer to pay for gifts for his friends, let's take a look see, m'kay?" Ratchet asked as he took Galvatron into a lavish lounge.

Sitting by a piano was Cliffjumper, who was right in the middle of the _Piano Man_...sort of...

_Now Pete is a real estate novelist_  
_That's a cute way of saying Pete's broke_  
_I'll laugh at his life, while I'm humping his wife_  
_'Cause Pete's tiny schlong is a joooooke!_

_My piano it sounds like God's symphony _

_And my microphone smells like the poor_

_They put bread in my cup and their lives all suck!_

_If I quit this job they'd lose all interest in living since life would have no meaning and they'd blow their brains out onto the flooooor!_

_Oh la da de doodley da!_

At this point, the crowd began to boo...until Cliffjumper pulled out his gun and began waving it about.

_Down on your knees I'm the piano God!  
Pray to the songs that I've sung  
Tell me I'm too good to work here  
And put my balls right on your tongue!_

At the point the audience was in an uproar, booing and hurling rotten fruit at Cliffjumper as he stood up and took a bow.

"Thank you! Thank you! No applause, just throw money!" Cliffjumper shouted as he stood up, only to be hit square in the forehead with a tomato "What the-? Who threw that! That's it! You are dead!"

At that point, he leapt into the crowd, blasting wildly.

Galvatron looked at the scene calmly, before turning to face Ratchet "So, uh, this is your idea of a good Christmas?"

Ratchet could only stare at the scene in horror "Oh God damn it! I thought that they would have fixed the stupid son of a bitch by now!"

Galvatron looked at Cliffjumper with traces of pity "Well...it is sorta of sad..."

Ratchet looked startled "You...you're learning a lesson from all this?"

Galvatron shrugged "I guess so." _And why do I feel so...different? Like this weird feeling in my head? _Galvatron thought.

Ratchet lit up like a Christmas tree "Oh this is great! I'm actually teaching Galvatron! I wonder if I'll get an award or something? Wait, where'd he go?" Ratchet asked as he noticed that Galvatron had suddenly left his side.

"Argh! Ragglefraggle!" Galvatron cried as he began shovelling the fleeing masses into his mouth.

Ratchet could only sigh "Well, back to square one.

* * *

Back at the Author's Christmas party...

"Hey there Hideki!" Roxanne greeted as she found Hideki seated in his workshop.

"Oh? Hey Roxie!" Hideki called out, getting up.

"So, why aren't you at the party?" Roxanne asked.

Hideki smiled "Well, keep it a secret, but I'm working on something, here take a look."

Hideki walked up to a bench covered in a sheet, before suddenly ripping it off.

"Ta-da!"

"Oh wow...it's so cool!" Roxanne exclaimed.

"Isn't it?" Hideki asked with a grin as he stood in front of a mechanical Father Christmas, complete with sleigh, all nine reindeer and elves.

"Does it fly?" Roxanne asked, half jokingly.

"Actually, yeah, I installed an anti-gravity feature and thrusters, wanna see?" Hideki asked.

"Do it!" Roxanne exclaimed without a moment's hesitation.

"Alright then, 'ere we go!" Hideki cried as he grabbed a remote from the table and pressed a few buttons.

Almost instantly, the sleigh began to hover and the reindeer began kicking their legs, almost as if they were running.

Roxanne clapped her hands "Awesome! You did a great job!"

Hideki smiled "Thanks, I can't wait to show the others!"

"Oh, that reminds me, here, I got you a present!" Roxanne exclaimed as she grabbed the present and handed it to Hideki "Here!"

"Thanks! Can I open it now?" Hideki asked as he shook it gently.

"Sure, but you owe me for letting you open this early." Roxanne replied, grinning mischievously.

Hideki enthusiastically ripped open the present and found...a picture of him and Roxanne, their arms around each other as they stood in front of the building where Roxanne worked.

"Oh wow, thanks! This is great!" Hideki exclaimed with a huge grin as he hugged Roxanne.

Roxanne giggled "Thought you'd like it."

"So, there's no real hurry to get to the party, wanna hang out here for a little bit?" Hideki asked.

Roxanne smiled "Sure, that sounds great."

* * *

Meanwhile, Ratchet and Galvatron were still flying around.

"So, where to now?" Galvatron asked.

"We have to make a stop at the Witwicky house, hang on." Ratchet replied as they suddenly found themselves outside of the home of Spike Witwicky and his family "Look inside." Ratchet commanded.

Galvatron did so, and saw Spike sitting down with his wife, Carly, his son, Daniel and his son's wiener friends, Sara, Macy, Rhonda and Schrader.

"Father, will we have enough money to buy my medication?" Daniel asked as he coughed feebly and held onto a crutch.

Spike sighed "For the last time Daniel, you're not dying and you don't need that crutch! And why are your friends here?"

"Oh father, I thought that these poor, starving orphans might like a few scraps of morsels to eat, can we feed them, please?" Daniel questioned and sneezed...right onto Macy.

"Oh God damn it Daniel!" Macy exclaimed as Schrader and Sara laughed.

"Danny, we're not orphans an d we're not starving." Sara pointed out once she had stopped laughing.

"Oh, their hunger makes them delirious with...delirium!" Daniel bemoaned, causing everyone present to roll their eyes.

"I told you not to drink during pregnancy!" Spike hissed at Carly.

"Geez, I never thought he'd end up _this _messed up!" Carly hissed back.

Suddenly, the door slammed open and Sparkplug burst in.

"Son! I thought you'd like to spend Christmas with your dear old Dad! Happy holidays!" Sparkplug cried.

"Get back into your retirement home old man!" Spike snapped as he stood up.

"Why son? Don't you love me anymore?" Sparkplug asked, a hurt look on his face.

"I haven't talked to you since you tried to sell Daniel for crack!" Spike exclaimed in anger.

"Maybe we should go..." Rhonda whispered.

"Hang on, this is gold." Sara replied as she turned on her phone camera.

"I will give you my soul for that video." Schrader murmured to her.

"Deal." Sara replied.

A severely confused Galvatron turned to face Ratchet with a _very _confused look on his face "What the hell is going on here? And why did you show me this?"

Ratchet stared at Galvatron emotionlessly "I wanted to show you the tragic and dysfunctional home life of the Witwicky family, tragic, isn't it?"

"Well, yes, I agree but-Jesus Christ!" Galvatron cried as Sparkplug was suddenly thrown out of the window.

"And don't come back here old man!" Spike shouted from inside the house.

"Aw...I just wanted some crack!" Sparkplug shouted back, before sadly trudging off.

Ratchet glanced at his watch "Well, our time is almost over, so I suppose I should get you back home, but before I do, I have one final thing to show you." Ratchet said as he landed on the ground, Galvatron closely following him.

"So, what is it?" Galvatron asked, his curiosity piqued.

Suddenly, Ratchet's robe seemed to squirm, as if there was something underneath it, and something fell out.

_"_Forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask" said  
Galvatron, looking intently at Ratchet's robe "but I see  
something strange, and not belonging to yourself, protruding  
from your skirts. Is it a foot or a claw?"

"It might be a claw, for the flesh there is upon it" was  
Ratchet's sorrowful reply "Look here."

From the foldings of its robe, he brought two children;  
wretched, abject, frightful, hideous, miserable. They knelt  
down at its feet, and clung upon the outside of its garment.

"Oh, Man. Look here. Look, look, down here." exclaimed the Ghost.

They were a boy and a girl. Yellow, meagre, ragged, scowling,  
wolfish, but prostrate, too, in their humility. Where  
graceful youth should have filled their features out, and  
touched them with its freshest tints, a stale and shrivelled  
hand, like that of age, had pinched, and twisted them, and  
pulled them into shreds. Where angels might have sat  
enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No  
change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any  
grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has  
monsters half so horrible and dread...also, they looked like Daniel and Sara for some reason.

Galvatron started back, appalled. Having them shown to him  
in this way, he tried to say they were fine children, but  
the words choked themselves, rather than be parties to a lie  
of such enormous magnitude.

"Spirit...are they yours?" Galvatron could say no more.

"They are Man's." Ratchet replied, looking down upon  
them. "And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers.  
This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both,  
and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy,  
for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the  
writing be erased. Deny it." cried Ratchet, stretching out  
its hand towards the city "Slander those who tell it ye.  
Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse.  
And abide the end."

"Have they no refuge or resource?" cried Scrooge.

"Are there no torture chambers?" said the Ghost of Christmas Present From the Now, turning on him for the last time with his own words "Are there no slave pits?"

Galvatron shuddered "What now Spirit?"

"Now I must depart, farewell, we shall not meet again." Ratchet told Galvatron, and suddenly, he, Want and Ignorance seemed to shimmer with a golden light, before turning into thousands of tiny lights, which were then scattered away by the wind.

Galvatron shut his eyes tightly, and when he opened them, he found himself back in his room.

"Oooh, my head hurts..." Galvatron muttered as he clutched at his head, which had suddenly began to throb.

* * *

In the city, Seaspray was searching desperately from shop to shop, still looking for the greatest gift ever.

"Hmm, what would Perceptor want? What would Perceptor want?" Seaspray muttered to himself as he went from a toyshop to a pawn shop to a pet store.

"Hmmm...maybe he'd like a fluffy bunny? Or perhaps a puppy?" Seaspray asked, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, before a sudden, wicked gleam crossed his eyes "Or...perhaps he'd like a fish? Yes...everyone loves fish...yes..."

Five minutes later, Seaspray was unceremoniously kicked out by the owner of the shop.

"And never, ever come back you giant freak!" The owner cried.

"But can't I just-?" Seaspray began, before the owner cocked his shotgun "Eep! Leaving!" Seaspray cried as he ran off.

* * *

In Galvatron's room...

"Uh...what?" A tired Galvatron asked as he suddenly woke up.

He looked around, the room had suddenly become dark and cold.

"What could have caused th-Oh my God!" Galvatron screamed as a black cloaked figure clutching a scythe floated towards him.

GALVATRON...GALVATRON...

"Eep! Wh-who are you?" Galvatron asked as he tried to cover himself with his blanket.

The figure pulled his cloak back to reveal...

"Gasp! Prowl! But...but you're dead...Scavenger killed you! Ghost! Argh! Ghost!" Galvatron exclaimed.

Prowl sighed "Yes, yes he did, chalk one up for Scavenger. Funny, Ratchet said you actually seemed to be getting this, but now that he's gone you seem stupid again."

"I do." Galvatron replied as he shoved five candles down his throat.

Prowl glared at the now stupid again Galvatron "Alright moron! Knock it off! We've got a lot of ground to cover and I'm the last spirit, so we had better hurry this up. So come on, let's get going."

"M'kay! Bye bye room!" Galvatron cried as he waved to his room, before seizing Prowl's hand in a death grip.

Prowl sighed before tapping his scythe on the floor. Instantly, a Corridor to Darkness opened up, and the two walked into it into parts unknown.

* * *

At the Author's headquarters...

"Hey, where's Hideki and Roxanne?" Crystal asked as she and James stood by the punchbowl.

"Oh, they're probably around here somewhere...oh look, there they are now." James pointed to the entrance of Hideki's workshop, where the two were staggering out.

"They look a little sweaty." Crystal pointed out.

"Hmmm, must be hot down there." James mused.

"Are you joking?" Crystal asked.

James lightly punched her arm "Of course I'm joking, I'm not that thick."

Crystal giggled "I don't think you're thick at all."

"Heh, thanks." James replied.

Once again, the doorbell rang.

"Oh come on!" Sparky exclaimed, startling everyone "How many people are gonna show up anyway?-!"

"Just get the damn door!" Lisa snapped.

"Yes ma'am..." Sparky replied quietly as he walked towards the door.

"Hey big brother." The girl at the door greeted, a short brunette in her late teens.

"Anna!" Sparky exclaimed, pulling his little sister into a hug "I didn't know you were coming! Geez, you shoulda told me!"

Anna smiled "I know, I just wanted it to be a surprise."

"Well, it's great to see you! I'm so glad you could come!" Sparky exclaimed, grabbing her hand and dragging her inside.

"Hey Jenny." Anna greeted with a slight wave.

"Hi Anna, Sparky didn't tell us you were coming." Jenny replied.

"Oh, that's because I didn't tell him. I thought I'd surprise him." Anna told Jenny.

"Ha, well he looks surprised all right." Jenny said.

Suddenly, the Author approached the microphone "Ahem! All right everybody, I just wanted to let you know that in a few minutes, our resident musician James will be performing! If you have any requests, be sure to pester him about it! Have fun guys!"

* * *

"Behold...the future!" Prowl announced as he and Galvatron walked into a high tech, futuristic looking...future.

"Oooh, future-y!" Galvatron exclaimed as he looked around in amazement.

"Come, we have much to see." Prowl stated as he began to...float off, and Galvatron rushed to keep up with him "Behold." Prowl said as he walked up to an old, boarded up building.

Galvatron peered through one of the boards and was confused by what he saw "Why, it's my fellow Decepticons! But they look so...so weary and broken...and stuff!"

Indeed, inside were the time ravaged forms of Ramjet, Slugslinger, Misfire, Snapdragon, Soundwave, Rumble, Frenzy and Razorclaw.

"Eh, did you hear the news?" Slugslinger asked as he warmed himself by a crudely constructed fire.

"What news?" Ramjet asked with a scowl.

"That doddering old coot died, that's what they say!" Razorclaw muttered.

"Oh, so he's dead is 'e?" Snapdragon questioned.

"Eh, good riddance!" Frenzy grumbled.

"Yeah! He was nuthin' but trouble anyways!" Rumble added.

"STATEMENT: I CONCUR, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I EVER SAW IN HIM!" Soundwave agreed as he tightened the dirty rag he was using as a shawl around his shoulders.

"'Bout time I say! I owed money to 'im!" Misfire said with a form of malicious glee.

"Ya think anyone's gonna show up to 'is funeral?" Snapdragon asked.

Razorclaw snorted "I doubt it, who could ever love a miserly old lunatic like him?"

"Agreed!" The others cried in unison.

Slugslinger chuckled "You think they'll even bother putting up a statue for him in the Mausoleum?"

"Why bother? Vandals would just deface it as soon as it's erected." Ramjet replied.

"Heh, you said "erected!"" Rumble said with a chuckle.

"Well, if they do put one up...you guys wanna vandalise it?" Misfire asked.

"Ha, sure, might be good for a laugh!" Snapdragon replied with a cruel laugh.

At this, they all burst into laughing...even Galvatron.

"Ahaha! Why are we laughing?" Galvatron asked.

Prowl groaned "We're not you idiot! Just pay attention!"

"Ok then!" Galvatron replied, before pausing "Hey! Wait a second...I don't like what they were talking about for some reason, am I crazy?"

"Yes, yes you are." Prowl replied "But you shouldn't like what they're saying, I think we're making some progress here."

"Coool." Galvatron replied.

Prowl rolled his eyes "Well, come on, let's get going, our next stop is the Witwicky residence."

"Again?" Galvatron asked.

"Yes, _again!_" Prowl replied.

"Oh...okay then!" Galvatron exclaimed, an idiotic grin lining his face.

Another Corridor to Darkness enveloped the pair, and they soon found themselves outside of Spike's house. Now however, it was in an obvious state of repair, having no broken windows, no salted flower beds and no burned down fences.

"What happened here?" A shocked Galvatron asked.

"Look inside and find out." Prowl replied, motioning towards the window with his scythe.

Galvatron peered through the window and saw an angry looking Spike, a guilty looking Sparkplug and a sobbing Carly.

"Oh God damn it old man! You had to do it, didn't you? You just couldn't control yourself!" Spike yelled.

"Well, in my defence-" Sparkplug began.

"What?-!" How can you defend yourself?-! Huh? How can you possibly defend what you did?-!" Spike cried in outrage.

"Son, would you let me finish?" Sparkplug asked "As I was saying, in my defence...it was some good quality crack!"

Spike began spluttering in rage and shock, before groaning loudly as Carly began to sob even louder "You idiot! You sold your own grandson for crack and all you can say is "It was some good crack"?-!"

"Well...it was." Sparkplug replied with a shrug.

"Urgh! Alright you old idiot, for selling our son for crack, we're going to have to force you to perform the fiery ritual of Carousel!" Spike told his father.

"...Can I have some weed first?" Sparkplug asked.

Spike glared as he pulled a lever, instantly, Sparkplug was pulled up into the air, as if gravity had ceased to work for him, and Sparkplug began circling the room, going faster and faster.

"Wheee!" Sparkplug cried in joy as he went spinning faster, faster, faster...and then he exploded "Aw man, I am dead!"

"Good riddance." Spike muttered.

"But what about our son? What about Daniel?" Carly asked through her hysterical sobs.

"Well, even though without him we're richer, have a better, lest destroyed house and we no longer have to put up with his lameass friends...it just won't be the same without him...damn you old man!" Spike cried, shaking a fist into the air as his father's ashes began floating down "Aw God damn, it! Now we're covered in Dad!"

Galvatron pulled back from the window, eyes wide and staring "Well...that was...different."

"You see? Their lives are miserable without their son and his father is dead." Prowl informed Galvatron.

"And how is any of this my fault?" Galvatron asked.

"Oh, it isn't, it's just great for guilting people about their own decisions." Prowl replied.

"Uh huh...wait, wait...it seems to be working." Galvatron said as he placed a hand over his spark "Or it could be heartburn...no wait, I think it's heartburn...No...No, hang on...yep, it's guilt."

* * *

Back at the Author's base, James and his band were beginning to perform. What was he performing? Well, a rocked out version of _Jingle Bells _how's that? What? What do you mean it's not awesome?

_Dashing through the snow  
In a one horse open sleigh  
O'er the fields we go  
Laughing all the way  
Bells on bob tails ring  
Making spirits bright  
What fun it is to laugh and sing  
A sleighing song tonight_

_Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells_  
_Jingle all the way_  
_Oh, what fun it is to ride_  
_In a one horse open sleigh_  
_Jingle bells, jingle bells_  
_Jingle all the way_  
_Oh, what fun it is to ride_  
_In a one horse open sleigh _

_A day or two ago_  
_I thought I'd take a ride_  
_And soon Miss Fanny Bright_  
_Was seated by my side_  
_The horse was lean and lank_  
_Misfortune seemed his lot_  
_We got into a drifted bank_  
_And then we got upsot_

_Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells_  
_Jingle all the way_  
_Oh, what fun it is to ride_  
_In a one horse open sleigh_  
_Jingle bells, jingle bells_  
_Jingle all the way_  
_Oh, what fun it is to ride_  
_In a one horse open sleigh yeah_

_With the performance over, everyone _cheered and clapped their hands as James bowed.

"Ok, wow, thanks guys, ok, we're gonna do another song now so-" James was cut off by more applause "Wow, thanks! Ok, so we're gonna do another song, but I'm going to need the help of a lovely assistant, any volunteers."

Instantly, Jenny's hand shot up "Oh, oh, pick me! Pick me, please!"

James chuckled "Heh, sorry Jenny, but I think someone else fits this perfectly, Crystal, you wanna come up here?"

The crowd parted and Crystal walked up, with James helping her up onto stage.

"Ok, I think you know this one, so I don't think I need to hand you a lyrics sheet or anything, just try to keep up, ok?" James asked, a mischievous smile on his face.

Crystal poked her tongue out at him and elbowed him softly in the ribs "We'll see who needs to keep up with who, won't we?"

James chuckled "Well, I guess we will. Hit it!"

The music started and Crystal's eyes lit up "Oh my God, I love this song!"

James smiled and shrugged "Yeah, I know, ready?"

Crystal nodded.

"OK, here we go."

_I_ _can show you the world  
Shining, shimmering, splendid  
Tell me, princess, now when did  
You last let your heart decide?_

_I can open your eyes_  
_Take you wonder by wonder_  
_Over, sideways and under_  
_On a magic carpet ride_

_A whole new world_  
_A new fantastic point of view_  
_No one to tell us no_  
_Or where to go_  
_Or say we're only dreaming_

At that point, Crystal began to sing, dazzling the audience with her singing voice...

_A whole new world_  
_A dazzling place I never knew_  
_But when I'm way up here_  
_It's crystal clear_  
_That now I'm in a whole new world with you_  
_Now I'm in a whole new world with you_

_Unbelievable sights_  
_Indescribable feeling_  
_Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling_  
_Through an endless diamond sky_

_A whole new world_  
_Don't you dare close your eyes_  
_A hundred thousand things to see_  
_Hold your breath - it gets better_  
_I'm like a shooting star_  
_I've come so far_  
_I can't go back to where I used to be_

_A whole new world_  
_Every turn a surprise_  
_With new horizons to pursue_  
_Every moment red-letter_  
_I'll chase them anywhere_  
_There's time to spare_  
_Let me share this whole new world with you_

_A whole new world_  
_That's where we'll be_  
_A thrilling chase_  
_A wondrous place_  
_For you and me_

James and Crystal began dancing slowly with each other, and a spotlight operated by a Shriekling narrowed on them, giving the others a clear view. A huge cheer went up as they leaned close to each other and kissed.

James blushed and turned to the audience "Uh, yeah, not a very Christmas-y song, we know, but I hope you enjoyed it...um, merry Christmas everyone!"

Another huge cheer went up and the audience began to applaud.

Back in the future...

* * *

"And now we reach our final destination..." Prowl told Galvatron as they walked out of a Corridor to Darkness and into...

"Gasp! The Decepticon Mausoleum!" Galvatron...gasped and turned to Prowl, who motioned towards a giant statue veiled in shadow at the far end of the mausoleum "I-I think I know who my former minions where referring to Spirit...Oh, but please tell me that I was wrong..."

Galvatron walked up to the statue, the shadows receding with each step until he could clearly make out who the statue was a memorial to...

**GALVATRON**

Galvatron closed his eyes, before turning back to Prowl "Oh please Spirit, tell me that the future can be changed! Please tell me that it is not all set in stone! Oh please Spirit, say something, anything, I implore you!" Galvatron sobbed.

"It is all over Galvatron, this is the end...prepare to face...Oblivion." Prowl said calmly as he slammed his scythe into the ground.

Galvatron screamed as a fiery pit opened up beneath him, flames licking at his feet. The floor beneath his feet crumbled, and Galvatron barely managed to find a chunk of ledge to cling onto.

"Please Spirit! Have mercy, I beg of you!" Galvatron screamed as he felt the ledge under his fingers begin to give way "Please! I will change! I swear of it! I will change my ways!"

Prowl's eyes seemed to flash red, and Galvatron let out a final scream as he was sent tumbling down into the abyss, he closed his eyes in terror...

...And opened them to find that he was back in his room.

Galvatron cried out with joy "I'm alive! I'm alive! Oh, thank you Spirits! I will change my ways! I swear it! Oh, but is there still time?"

Running to the window, Galvatron smashed it open and leant out, seeing Thrust walking outside.

"You! Conehead!" Galvatron called out, attracting Thrust's attention.

"Who? Me sir?" Thrust asked.

"Yes, you Conehead! What day is this?" Galvatron asked.

"Today sir? Why, tis Christmas eve day sir!" Thrust responded.

"Oh joy! Then it is not too late!" Galvatron exclaimed, weeping tears of joy.

Divebomb and Drag Strip walked up to Thrust.

"Yo, what's going on?" A confused Drag Strip asked as he witnessed Galvatron dancing and sobbing on his windowsill.

"I think Galvatron may have lost it..." Thrust said as he watched the spectacle.

"Yay! Peace! Joy! Love!" Galvatron shouted.

"...Yep, he's lost it." Divebomb muttered.

Suddenly, Galvatron leapt out of the window and landed next to the stunned trio, who all leapt back in shock.

"Quickly, I have to fix this! I have to fix everything!" Galvatron muttered to himself, before turning his attention to the three Decepticons, who were eyeing him nervously "You three! I have jobs for you!"

Divebomb looked around cautiously, before settling his attention back to Galvatron "Uh, sure boss, what did you have in mind?"

"I want you to go find Cliffjumper, Thrust, you can look for Inferno, Drag Strip, retrieve Seaspray, and tell Slugslinger and Dirge to track down Wheeljack and Fireflight, I wish to talk with them! But do it gently! I don't want any of you to harm them!" Galvatron told his underlings.

"Uh, you feeling ok there boss?" Drag Strip asked, raising a nonexistent brow.

"Never better! Why, I feel marvellous! Terrific! Now, please, go and find them quickly! I have much to do, oh yes, so very much to do!" Galvatron exclaimed, rubbing his hands together with glee.

"Uh, yes sir." Thrust replied, before running off, with the others soon following suite.

"Now, to make a quick stop." Galvatron murmured as he ran off...

* * *

The Witwicky house...

"Aw, come on son! Please? Let me in! I promise not to try to sell Daniel for drugs!" Sparkplug whined.

"Hello human." A voice from behind Sparkplug greeted, causing him to turn around.

"Gah! You're that giant evil robot!" Sparkplug exclaimed.

"Well, giant evil automaton to be exact, but yes, that's me!" Galvatron replied, a broad grin on his face.

"W-what do you want with me?" A terrified Sparkplug asked, trembling visibly.

"Well, I'm going to stop you from being a burden on your family, using the only way I know...over the top violence!" Galvatron explained as he picked Sparkplug up and booted him over the horizon.

"NOOOOOOO!" Sparkplug screamed.

"Well, that worked well I think." Galvatron said to himself as he dusted his hands off.

"Sir!" A voice from above cried.

"Hmmm?" Galvatron asked, looking up "Ah, good, I see you have arrived!"

Coming to land were Thrust, Drag Strip, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Divebomb and Slugslinger, accompanied by Seaspray, Fireflight, Wheeljack, Inferno, Cliffjumper and Blades.

"Yes sir, we have returned and we have the Autobots that you requested!" Thundercracker replied.

"Uh, but where's Dirge? Wasn't he with you?" A puzzled Galvatron asked as he looked all around.

In response, Blades held up his rotor, from which hung Dirge's severed head.

"He tried to take me, so I took his head!" Blades replied with a psychotic grin.

"Uh, ok then...listen Autobots, we mean you no harm! We wish to help you get presents for your friends!" Galvatron explained.

The Autobots looked at Galvatron in confusion.

"You? Help us?" An astonished Inferno asked in...astonishment.

"Yea Verily! I come bearing gifts for you to take back!" Galvatron exclaimed, holding up a large sack filled with presents.

The Autobots carefully rummaged through the sack and each brought out labelled gifts.

"My God! These are perfect!" Cliffjumper murmured in astonishment.

"So...awesome!" Fireflight agreed.

"Look at it! Look at it and behold the sheer awesome!" A slack jawed Wheeljack exclaimed.

"Uh, no thanks, I already have the perfect gift." Blades told Galvatron as he patted a blood soaked burlap sack tied in two places with belt.

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but...what's in it?" A nervous looking Skywarp asked.

"A dead Fred Figglehorn!" Blades exclaimed.

"...What." Skywarp asked.

"Yeah, I hate that freak, I mean, he's not even funny! Oh, look at me, I'm some spaz who talks really fast! Pay attention to me! Oh, I have some crappy movie when lots of other, real internet phenomenons don't and they should!" Blades spat in disgust.

"Oooookay, then, let's deliver these presents ASAP!" Thundercracker said.

"Oh, you guys go ahead, I have something to do first!" Galvatron told them as he flew off.

* * *

At the Autobot base...

"Alright everyone, get ready for the Secret Father Christmas unveilings! Everyone ready?" Jazz asked.

"Wait! Don't start without us!" Seaspray cried as he and the others burst in through the door.

"OH good, since you guys are all so enthusiastic, why don't you go first?" Optimus asked with a smile.

"Ok, we will!" Wheeljack exclaimed, turning to face Scattershot "Scattershot, I got you a pair of wing warmers on cold nights."

Scattershot's mouth fell open "Th-thank you Wheeljack, these are perfect!"

"And for you Huffer, I found a globe of Cybertron so you don't get homesick!" Inferno told Huffer.

"Why this is...this is perfect! I have nothing to complain about!" Huffer exclaimed in wonder.

"Jazz, for you I went out and bought this lovely taser, so that you can stun us when we get too annoying, happy Christmas!" Cliffjumper said as he presented Jazz his gift.

Jazz was amazed "Thanks Cliffjumper, I'll treasure it always and only use it on you guys when you really, _really _piss me off."

"Uh, here Hauler, take this signed photo of you and the Constructions from when you were still friends." Fireflight offered to Hauler.

Hauler sniffed and wiped a tear from his eye "Thank you so much Fireflight, this means a lot to me."

"Perceptor, I sold my armour so that I could afford to buy you a chain for your gold watch...but then the Decepticons gave me the chain, so I guess I sold my armour for nothing...oh well, enjoy!" Seaspray told Perceptor.

"Um...thank you Seaspray...now all I need is a gold watch..." Perceptor replied, looking at Seaspray curiously.

"And Warpath, for you I have...the dead, deceased corpse of Fred Figglehorn." Blades unveiled the burlap corpse sack.

Warpath stared at the sack with wide eyes for the longest time before saying "Freakin' sweet dude! I hate that Fred creep! He can burn in festive Christmas hell! Thanks man!"

Suddenly, the doors to the base burst open and in came every single Decepticon.

"What the-? Ambush!" Optimus Prime exclaimed, reaching for his rifle.

"Wait! Prime, we come to you in peace!" Galvatron exclaimed, holding up his hands.

"Peace?" A confused Jazz asked, hand on his taser.

"Yes, peace! For you see, I had a vision where I was visited by three spirits who showed me the error of my ways, and so I come before you with a request...a request to party! So, Optimus, will you let us party with you?" Galvatron asked.

Optimus seemed to think it over before replying "Oh, what the hell! Come here man! Let's party!"

And so they partied long into the night, forgetting their petty squabbles, instead, basking in the friendship and glory of their Christmas truce. Instead of death, Dirge's gift was a shiny new set of wings from Inferno.

And it was magical for all involved.

* * *

Back at the Author's party...

"Here you go!" Lisa said to the Author as she handed him a gift.

"What's in it?" The Author asked, his voice dripping with excitement.

"Well open it and find out!" Lisa replied with a smile.

Grinning, the Author ripped open the present to find...

"An autograph book? Zooey Deschanel? Richard Steven Horvitz? Mary Elizabeth Winstead? Christopher Walken? Lacey Chabert? Holy crud! Sienna Guillroy! Gah!" The Author exclaimed in wonder.

"Yeah, we got you the autographs of all your favourite actresses and actors." Lisa explained "Oh, and check the back."

"Ok, let's see here...Holy-! Diana Agron! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The Author squealed, before he turned stared at her, his eyes wide and his mouth opening and closing rapidly "This is...the greatest gift ever! Thank you so much!"

Lisa chuckled and turned to face the screen "Well, we hope that you enjoyed the first, and hopefully not the last Christmas edition of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE!

Gauntlet: Sadly, that just about does it from us.

Vlad: But we hope that you enjoyed this, we sure had fun being in it.

Roxanne: So don't forget to leave a review...

Anna: And we thank you so much for reading!

Crystal: Until we meet again...

Minions: THANKS FOR READING!

* * *

_Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells_  
_Jingle all the way_  
_Oh, what fun it is to ride_  
_In a one horse open sleigh_  
_Jingle bells, jingle bells_  
_Jingle all the way_  
_Oh, what fun it is to ride_  
_In a one horse open sleigh_

_A day or two ago_  
_I thought I'd take a ride_  
_And soon Miss Fanny Bright_  
_Was seated by my side_  
_The horse was lean and lank_  
_Misfortune seemed his lot_  
_We got into a drifted bank_  
_And then we got upsot_

_Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells_  
_Jingle all the way_  
_Oh, what fun it is to ride_  
_In a one horse open sleigh_  
_Jingle bells, jingle bells_  
_Jingle all the way_  
_Oh, what fun it is to ride_  
_In a one horse open sleigh yeah_

FIN


	38. Chapter 38

Errol: Dada-da-da...Hello once again to yet another instalment of They Just Don't Care Anymore. As usual, the Author would like to convey the fact that he does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters that you might generally associate with The Transformers...He'd also like me to say "Oh Well"...right... And of course, Rhythm and Tune belong to Jesus Luvs Everyone and 9aza respectively, don't forget to check out their story, New Recruits: Infiltration, it's hilarious! Anyway, with all introductions out of the way, lets continue on the story, shall we?

* * *

In the Decepticon headquarters, Weirdwolf, Skullcruncher, Mindwipe, Apeface and Snapdragon were lounging around, nothing to do.

"Ugh, this is so boring!" Skullcruncher moaned.

"True that is...glorp." Weirdwolf added in his weird...Weirdwolf speak, only recently he had been adding Rorschach esque noises to his speech...it was annoying.

"Well that's probably because we never get picked for any missions." Mindwipe pointed out.

"Yeah, why is that?" Apeface asked.

"I dunno, maybe because they're afraid of how awesome we are and that we'd upstage them?" Snapdragon suggested.

Mindwipe could only sigh at Snapdragon's stupid optimism.

"Screw it..." Skullcruncher muttered, before standing up "Why don't we go out there and destroy the Autobots by ourselves! That way, we'll not be bored _and _everyone else will see just how damn important we are!"

"Yay!" Snapdragon and Apeface cheered.

"Oh, agree with this, I do...smeerch." Weirdwolf added.

Mindwipe sighed "Sure, whatever, I guess I'm in too."

Skullcruncher grinned "Awesome! This is gonna be the bestest adventure ever!" He cried as he leapt up into the air with glee "Oh wait, hang on, just let me grab a snack!"

He walked off, and for the next four minutes the group was left standing around in the lobby. Suddenly, they all heard screaming, and other scuffle related noises, before Skullcruncher returned, bloodied and carrying a dripping sack.

"Uh, I'm almost afraid to ask, but...what's in the bag Skullcruncher?" A very concerned Mindwipe asked.

In response, Skullcruncher reached into the bag and pulled something out, showing it to the rest of the group "Dirge's head!"

* * *

In the Author's base...

Crystal groaned as her eyelid's fluttered. Why was she awake...?

"Morning Crystal!" A cheery, bubbly voice cried.

Crystal's eyes shot open and she saw Jenny sitting on her bed, leaning down over her.

"Gah! Jenny, what the hell?-!" Crystal shouted "Get out of my room!"

Jenny sighed as she slid off of the bed "Sorry, I just wanted to remind you, that's all..."

Crystal paused "Remind me of what, exactly?"

Jenny suddenly whirled around with a huge grin on her face "It's your anniversary tomorrow! Hooray for you!"

Crystal fell out of bed and glanced at the calendar.

"Son of a-!" Crystal gasped.

It was true, tomorrow really was her anniversary, the anniversary of...

"The day me and James met..." Crystal murmured.

* * *

Eight years ago...

She saw him walking down the street, wallet poking out of his back pocket slightly. She sneered, stupid, he was asking for trouble. Eagerly she crept closer, sure that he had not detected her presence. She reached out to grab the wallet and...

He grabbed her by the wrist.

Crystal gasped and struggled around "Let me go!"

"You were trying to take my wallet, weren't you?" The boy asked.

"Let me go! Let me go!" Crystal shouted, still struggling to get out of his grip.

"Alright, I'll let you go if you come with me, deal?"

Crystal snorted "Yeah right, you'll probably take me to the police or something, right?"

"Actually, you look hungry, I just want to get you something to eat." The boy replied.

Crystal abruptly stopped thrashing "What?"

"I said I wanted to get you something to eat." The boy replied.

Crystal stared at him, before resuming her struggles "I'm not stupid! This is a trick!"

The boy sighed and let go of her wrist, causing her to stumble back "Alright, how about you just follow me, is that ok?"

Crystal gave him a curious look "Well...alright, but I won't stand too close to you, I don't want you to grab me again! This could still be a trick!"

The boy walked off "Whatever, coming?"

Warily, Crystal made to follow him, keeping her distance just to be on the safe side.

* * *

Inside a nearby diner, The boy was staring at Crystal intently, an untouched grilled chicken burger in one hand, mayonnaise dripping down. He was quite amazed at her appetite, she was wolfing down fries as if this was her last meal.

"Wow, uh, that's...quite an appetite you have there..." The boy mused as he watched her eat, laying his burger down on his plate.

"I'm starving! Snarf! Munch! I haven't eaten in days! Chew! Glomph!" Crystal said through mouthfuls of food.

"Uh huh" The boy replied "So, you do have a name right?"

She looked up "It's Crystal...Just Crystal...Who are you?"

The boy stuck his hand out "It's James."

Crystal sighed and grabbed James' hand, shaking it quickly and coating it in grease, which James wiped off with a napkin.

"So...why are you being so nice to me?" Crystal asked.

"What?" James Questioned.

"Why are you being so nice to me? I don't get it, nobody's ever nice to me...I'm...I'm homeless, nobody is nice to me..." Crystal murmured.

James smiled at her "I'm not like other people, besides, you seem like an interesting person...so tell me, what's it like being so independent?"

Crystal stared at him "What? It's horrible! I sleep in an alley, I'm cold and starving all of the time and people spit at me!"

James sighed "Still seems more appealing than my life."

Crystal snorted "Oh yeah? What's so bad about your life? Your wallet's stuffed!"

James smiled faintly "Well, I am rich sure, or rather, my parents are rich, but I have no freedom. My parents order me around and I never do what I want...frankly if I had the choice I'd rather be a little more average."

Crystal frowned "Well at least you've still got your bloody parents! Do you know what happened to mine?-!"

James looked startled "Crystal I-"

"My dad is dead! He was the only person who ever showed me any compassion! After he died my mother married this complete psychopath who hated me! He got drunk and he hit me! And my damn mother was too damn apathetic to care! She was always depressed and doped up! So you know what I did? I ran away because I couldn't take their crap anymore! But you've got two parents and they must care for you rich boy!"

James looked down, saddened "No they don't...they never spend any time with me...they're always out at parties or whatever...they never notice me...Hell, they never even seem to know I'm there...And when they do, they're always angry that I'm not more like them...That's abuse too"

Crystal calmed down and stared at James before sighing "Sorry...I...I'm still mad about what they did to me..."

"It's ok...I was being pretty insensitive...you done?" James asked, motioning to her food.

"Yeah, I'm done...James...do you want to...do you want to do this again sometime?" Crystal asked.

James smiled "Sure."

* * *

"Wow..." Jenny said, looking at Crystal with wide eyes "So that's how you met? Aw, that is sooooo sweet!"

Crystal sighed "Yeah...he changed my life, I really owe him for everything he's done."

Jenny rolled over onto her back "Well, he owes you too. I'd say that without you, he'd be a boring, button downed workaholic with no sense of adventure! All I can say is he had better get you something good!"

Crystal chuckled "Thanks Jenny."

Jenny grinned "No problem! So, where are we gonna look for his present?"

* * *

Outside the Autobot base, the five man band were standing outside, scouting the area's defences.

"Well, what do you see?" Snapdragon asked as Apeface stood atop his shoulders.

"Hmmm...Two Autobot guards...Bluestreak and Smokescreen if I'm not mistaken...and of course, I never am!" Apeface replied.

"Alright then, Mindwipe, do your thing!" Skullcruncher exclaimed, pointing to Mindwipe.

"Mindwipe, Terrorize-! Er, I mean, Transform!" Mindwipe cried as he leapt into the air and transformed into a bat, before flying at the pair of Autobots.

"Eh? What's this? Is that Ratbat?" Bluestreak asked as he noticed the flying purple blur that was headed towards them.

"Hmmm, I think so...Must be Ratbat, he's no threat to us!" Smokescreen reassured with a chuckle "Shoot to kill."

Ratbat-er, Mindwipe snarled in fury "I am _not _Ratbat!"

"What the-?" Bluestreak began.

Mindwipe's eyes flashed red "Look into my eyes! You are not Autobot sentries, you are Decepticon spies under my command!"

Bluestreak and Smokescreen's eyes turned red "Yes Master Ratbat!"

Mindwipe spluttered in anger "I am NOT Ratbat! I'm Mindwipe damn you all!"

The other four came out of their hiding place "Do it did you well...Glorch?" Weirdwolf asked.

Mindwipe transformed as he lowered himself to the ground "Yes, and now they're going to get us in! Quickly, tell us the codes!" Mindwipe commanded.

"One...Two...Three...Four...Five..." Smokescreen replied, staring blankly ahead.

"So the combination is..."One, two, three, four five"" Skullcruncher read back, before looking back up in a mixture of shock, anger and horror "What?-! That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard! That's the sort of combination an idiot would have on his luggage!"

Weirdwolf...Ooohed "Amazing that is! The same combination on my luggage do I have...Smeep!"

"Very well minion, input the code!" Mindwipe ordered.

"And my luggage change combination the...Peep!" Weirdwolf added.

* * *

Out on the streets, Crystal and Jenny were out looking for something to buy for James.

"Oooh, how about this?" Jenny asked as she pressed her face to a window display of an electric guitar.

"Nah, James' must have a dozen guitars...wait, where does he get the money for them?" Crystal asked, raising an eyebrow in puzzlement.

"Oooh, then this?" Jenny questioned, pointing to a gold watch.

"That's...a little out of my price range..." Crystal admitted.

"Ok, well how much do you have?"

Crystal pulled out her wallet to see "$108 and seven cents..."

Jenny began thinking "Ok, then how about...Oooh, motorbike!"

"M-motorbike? Ok, now that's really too-" Crystal began.

"No, look! Over there!" Jenny exclaimed, whirling Crystal around.

"Whoa..." Crystal breathed.

Across the road was a motorbike in pristine condition, a big sign next to it and about a dozen people crowding around it.

"What is it?" Jenny asked.

Crystal peered closely at the sign "I think it's one of those contests where you place a hand on an object and if you don't let go, you win something..."

"Oooh, let's sign up!" Jenny exclaimed.

Crystal sighed "Alright..."

"What do we get if we win?" Jenny asked the contest manager, who was sitting behind a booth.

"The bike, you win the bike." The manager replied "Sign here."

"Awesome!" Jenny cried.

"Alright, let's go..." Crystal muttered as she walked up to the bike to see...

"You!" Crystal exclaimed as she saw a flash of bright blue

"Oh no, it's one of you dipsticks..." Ember muttered, rolling her eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Jenny asked, surprised.

"Same as you I presume baby pop, I'm in it for the bike." Ember explained, looking board.

"Oh yeah? Well so are we! And we're going to get it from you, you traitor!" Crystal snapped.

"Yeah! Don't think that we forgot about how you lead that coup!" Jenny added.

Ember shrugged "Hey, I didn't like the way the king dipstick was running things. Anyway, I doubt you'll win, I brought backup."

"Prepare to face the wrath of...Jack Spicer! Boy Genius! Oh hey, it's you two losers, long time no see." Jack announced as he leapt out of nowhere.

Crystal sighed "Oh God..."

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" The contest announcer blared from a microphone "LET THE CONTEST BEGIN!"

"Well, better get over there I suppose." Jenny said, before sticking her tongue out at Ember.

"THE RULES ARE SIMPLE! AS LONG AS ONE HAND REMAINS ON THE MOTORBIKE, THE CONTESTANT IS STILL IN THE CONTEST! BUT, SHOULD HE OR SHE TAKE THEIR HANDS OFF, THEN THEY ARE DISQUALIFIED! GOT IT EVERYONE?"

"Got it." The crow muttered back.

"ALRIGHT THEN! LET'S MEET OUR CONTESTANTS! FIRST OFF, WE HAVE JASON DE LA ROCA!"

A bearded guy in his early thirties turned and waved.

"JENNIFER ZIM!"

Jenny waved enthusiastically.

"BLAZE SMITH!"

"Hey guys, didn't know you were gonna be here." Blaze greeted, turning to Jenny and Crystal.

"POPSTAR SENSATION, EMBER MCLAIN!"

A massive cheer went up and Ember raised one hand.

"Tell me who you love!"

The crowd began to cheer her name, irritating Crystal.

"CRYSTAL...UH, JUST CRYSTAL APPARENTLY..."

Crystal gave her wrist a quick flip.

"JACK SPICER...UH, BOY GENIUS..."

"Yeah, and I'm with her!" Jack cried, pointing to Ember.

The Crowd turned silent, not even the crickets bothered to chirp.

"Aw crud..." Jack muttered.

"MR GULLIBLE!"

"That's me..." A meek, nerdy looking man said feebly.

"AND FINALLY, JOHNNY EVILGUY!"

"I shall turn the world into a gritty reboot! Bow down! Bow down before me!" Johnny Evilguy shouted.

"ALRIGHT! LET THE CONTEST...BEGIN!" The Announcer shouted.

"I'm very excited to be here...pleased to meet you all..." Mr. Gullible greeted "So...who do you think will win?"

Ember and Jack shared a quick glance "Oh, didn't you hear?" Ember asked sweetly.

"No, hear what?" Gullible asked.

"You already won, you just have to go to the booth at the front to collect your prize." Ember explained as Jack suppressed a laugh.

"Really?" Mr. Gullible questioned.

"Oh, yeah, sure, congratulations man!" Jack added.

"Hurray! I won a motorbike! I never win anything!" Gullible cheered as he raised both hands in the air...

...And was promptly escorted away by two burly security guards.

"What? What's happening? Did I win?"

"AND WE HAVE OUR FIRST DISQUALIFICATION! SORRY MR. GULLIBLE!"

"Oh darn it!" Gullible muttered as he was dragged away.

Johnny Evilguy chuckled "Well, that's one down, let's see who's next."

"So, uh, Mr. Evilguy, what do you plan to do with this bike?" Jack asked.

Johnny Evilguy turned to Jack, a maniacal gleam in his eyes "I plan to turn it into a bike from the gates of hell! Spikes on the wheels! A cattle skull on the handlebars! Flame decals! It'll be evil!"

"And cheesy." Jason muttered, eliciting a stifled giggle from Blaze.

"What? What did you say! Fear me and my crappy movies! I'm the man who told Joel whats-his-face to add Batnipples!" Johnny Evilguy screeched.

"That was you?-!" Jason exclaimed "You bastard!"

"Man, he is evil." Jack muttered to Ember, who nodded in response.

"Well then Evilguy, from one villain to another, let me congratulate you." Ember said as she offered her hand.

"Oh, thank you, most gracious." Johnny Evilguy replied as he took her hand.

Ember chuckled "Sucker!" And with that, she yanked him away from the bike, sending him sprawling.

"AND WE HAVE OUR SECOND DISQUALIFICATION! BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME JOHNNY EVILGUY!"

"Oh God damn it! I shall rule the world through my crappy gritty reboots!" Johnny Evilguy cried.

Crystal sighed, this was going to be a very long competition.

* * *

Back inside the Autobots base, the five Decepticons and their two Autobot slaves were wandering around the various corridors.

"Well then, what first?" Apeface asked.

"Hmm, first off, I saw we replace their Autobot symbols, with our own Decepticon symbols!" Mindwipe suggested, as he pointed to the still hypnotised Bluestreak and Smokescreen.

"Eh, why not?" Snapdragon said with a shrug as he brought out a can of spray paint.

A few minutes later...

"There! All finished!" Snapdragon announced "What do you think?"

"Wow, very nice." Apeface muttered in appreciation.

"Ok, so what now?" Mindwipe asked.

"Now we sneak around and sabotage their base! I brought all the supplies we need!" Skullcruncher replied as he brought out a big bag, which he slung over his shoulder.

"See let ooooh me...Yarp!" Weirdwolf exclaimed, rummaging through the back.

"Hey! Knock it off you little freak!" Skullcruncher snapped, swiping at Weirdwolf.

"Ko...Belp." Weirdwolf replied, secretly slipping a pair of handcuffs into his pocket.

"Ok then, let's get this project underway!" Skullcruncher said as he and his group rounded a corner...

...And came face to face with two Decepticon Mini-Cassettes.

"Uh..hi..." Mindwipe greeted hesitantly.

"Hello..." The blue, winged Cassette greeted back, slightly aprehensive.

"Uh, not to sound rude but...who are you?" Skullcruncher asked.

"Uh, I'm Rhythm, and this is Tune." The blue Cassette explained before motioning to the green Cassette.

"Hi." Tune replied with a wave.

"Oh. Ok then. And, uh...what are you doing here?" Skullcruncher asked.

Tune smiled "Well I'm glad you asked that!"

"Yeah, ya see, we came here on a daring mission!" Rhythm added.

"To prank all of the Autobots!" Tune finished.

Mindwipe looked surprised "Oh, well that sounds interesting. And how is that going?"

"Yeah, pretty good, got most of them, but we got seperated from our partners in crime." Rhythm replied.

"Oh, more Decepticons?" Apeface asked.

"Actually, Sunstreaker, his brother and Jazz." Tune explained.

The others balked "You got three Autobots to help you prank their fellows? Dear God you guys are good!" Skullcruncher explained.

"Thanks, I see you've got your own helpers, Bluestreak and Smokescreen right?" Rhythm asked.

"Oh yeah, hypnosis powers, my own work." Mindwipe revealed.

"Cool...wanna help us?" Rhythm asked.

Skullcruncher shook his head "Love to, really we would, but we've got our own plans, good luck with your pranks though."

"Yeah, same to you, bye!" Tune said as she and Rhythm hurried down the opposite corridor.

"Well, they seemed nice." Mindwipe said.

"Yeah...well, anyway, back to work I suppose." Skullcruncher replied as he lifted up his big sabotaging sack.

* * *

At the entrance to the _Ark..._

"Alright everyone, we will now begin our tour of the famous Autobot ship, the _Ark_, with us today are celebrities William Shatner and John Lithgow, let's have a big hand for them!" The tour guide announced as she spoke into her microphone.

"Thank. You. It's. Good to be here. I'm sure. I'll. Enjoy. The tour." William Shatner said, earning him puzzled looks.

"Um, alright then, our first stop is the engine room, isn't that exciting?" The tour guide asked in the standard, cheery voice that they were forced to assume, lest they spend a free weekend with the Pain Monster.

As they walked down the hallway, William Shatner took a look out of a nearby window. What he saw caused him to freeze.

"Oh. Deear God. No! It's. Happening again! There's a. Man. On the. Wing of the plane!" William Shatner exclaimed.

"Oh dear God! I see it too!" John Lithgow shouted "What are we going to do Bill?"

"Quick. Give me. Your. Gun." William Shatner cried.

"Do you really think that that's-?" John Lithgow began, only to be quickly silenced.

"Damn it. Man. I'm an. Experianced. Gun...shooter...person. Not an. Untrained. Actor. Now, quick. Give me. The. Gun." William Shatner ordered.

"Yes sir daddy!" John Lithgow replied as he handed William Shatner his gun.

"I'll see. You in. Hell. You. Little green. Bastard." William Shatner said somewhat unenthusiastically as he squeezed the trigger, breaking the glass.

"Oh no! The air pressure is changing! We'll be sucked out for sure!" John Lithgow cried as a mild breeze wafted in through the window.

"Quick. Man. Rope yourself. To the. Pipes. With your. Belt." William Shatner commanded.

"What the hell is going on in here?-!" Cliffjumper shouted as he saw the two professional actors standing next to a broken window, one of them holding a smoking gun and both of them using their belts as some kind of rope.

"Oh you've got to believe us! There was a man on the wing of the plane!" John Lithgow exclaimed.

"No there wasn't!" Cliffjumper snapped.

"But he's right behind you right now!" John Lithgow cried.

Cliffjumper turned to see a small, hideous creature with blue skin, fangs and claws dressed up in a hat and a fake moustache.

"Who, this? This is clearly a tourist! Right?" Cliffjumper asked the monster.

"Mmm hmmm." The thing replied, before walking off.

Around the corner, The Decepticons and their Autobot mind slaves watched the spectacle.

"Well, our Gremlins seem to be sabotaging the base quite nicely!" Skullcruncher exclaimed as he rubbed his hands together with glee.

"Yep, and they're smarter than the Autobots apparently." Mindwipe mused.

"Yes, and-Hey!" Skullcruncher cried as Weirdwolf clamped the handcuffs onto each other's arms.

"Oooh, husband and wife I pronounce us now...Zort!" Weirdwolf exclaimed with an idiotic grin on his face.

"Oh God damn you you bastard!" Skullcruncher snapped.

"Uh, could you maybe keep it-?" Apeface began.

"SHUT UP...Poik!" Skullcruncher and Weirdwolf shouted...well, the "Poik" was purely Weirdwolf, but the other lines were both of them.

"Too late..." Mindwipe muttered, his eyes wide open.

"Wha-? Oh crap..." Skullcruncher gasped as he saw Hound, Mirage, Goldbug, Grapple, Gears and Cosmos standing over them.

"Decepticons! In the base! And one of them is Ratbat!" Grapple exclaimed.

"Damn you all!"

Hound sighed "Yes, thank you Grapple, we can see that!"

"Nab 'em!" Mirage cried.

"Then eat them and devour their souls!" Cosmos added, earning him shocked glances from the others "...What? It's what I do!"

"Ratbat, hypnotise them!" Skullcruncher whispered.

"Can't! Too many! And I'm Mindwipe for God's sake!" Not-Ratbat hissed back.

"Oh well then, only one thing left to do...Smokescreen! Bluestreak! Attack!" Skullcruncher cried, causing his too Autobot minions to shamble out and attack.

"Gah!" Goldbug shouted as Smokescreen fired a magnetic spray which immobolised them.

"Well, that went quite well I think." Snapdragon said as he dusted his hands off.

"Uh, spoke too soon!" Apeface muttered as Strafe, Hauler, Chase, Jetfire, Blurr, Ultra Magnus, Perceptor and Octane rounded a corner.

"Uh oh...Split up!" Skullcruncher screamed as he and Weirdwolf ran off in one direction, Mindwipe flew off in another and Snapdragon and Apeface took a third corridor.

"Quickly! After them!" Ultra Magnus ordered as he gave chase.

"You're not the boss of me!" Jetfire muttered.

"DAMN IT DO AS I SAY!" Ultra Magnus shouted.

"Eep! Yes O captain my captain!"

* * *

Back in the city...

"Ugh, it's way too hot..." Jack muttered as he wiped sweat off of his forehead.

"Aw, suck it up ya big wuss!" Ember snapped, seemingly not bothered by the heat.

Blaze and Crystal were fine too, although they attributed that to their fire based powers. Crystal wondered whether it was the same with Ember, or if it was because she was a ghost.

Jason and Jenny on the other hand were heavily perspiring.

"Hey, you guys alright?" Blaze asked.

"Sure, I could go at this all day, 'cause I'm-!" Jack began, only to be quickly cut off.

"Not you ya creep! I was talking to them!" Blaze snapped, causing Jack to shirk away as much as he was able to.

Jason smiled weakly "Sure, I'll be fine..."

Jenny moaned "Ugh...I don't know how much more of this I can take..."

Crystal looked down, before returning her gaze to Jenny "Jenny, you can go home if you want."

"Huh?" A surprised Jenny asked.

"You heard me, I can do this on my own." Crystal told her.

"You sure?" Jenny asked, raising an eyebrow.

Crystal smiled "Sure, trust me, I can outlast these losers!"

"Hey! I thought we were friends!" Blaze exclaimed.

"I don't even know you..." Jason muttered.

"Uh, sorry, you two excluded." Crystal replied sheepishly, before turning back to Jenny "Besides, there's still plenty of that mud cake Sparky made for your birthday."

Jenny's eyes lit up "Mude cake? Sweet! I forfeit!" Jenny cried as she wreched her hand away from the bike.

"AND SO WE HAVE OUR THIRD DISQUALIFICATION! THANKS SO MUCH FOR PLAYING! LET'S HAVE A BIG HAND FOR MISS ZIM!"

Ember laughed "Ha! That's another one down! Which one of you losers is gonna be next?"

"Oh, I am so going to beat the hell out of you when this is over!" Blaze snarled.

"Ha! You can try dipstick, but you won't succeed!"

Crystal sighed "Just ignore her Blaze, all she ever wants is attention!"

Ember shot her a dark look.

"Hey, it's ok, you still got me!" Jack reassured her.

Ember paused and seemed to think "Yeah, about that Jackie Boy, I think I just had an idea that renders you obsolete!"

"...Huh?" Jack asked.

"Wha-?" Crystal gasped as she felt the hand that was connected to the bike slip, and she found herself falling.

She was not the only one.

"Wah!"

"Ooof!"

"My Evil Boy Genius Pride!"

Crystal, Blaze, Jason and Jack lay in a heap as Ember stood up, one hand still on the bike.

"Ha! I don't know why I didn't think of that sooner!" Ember exclaimed.

"AND THE WINNER IS...EMBER MCLAIN!"

A massive cheer erupted, and the fans began cheering Ember's name.

Crystal stood up "You-You made the bike intangible! You cheater!"

Ember smiled "Nuh uh! You all slipped!"

"Why you arrogant little-!" Blaze began, launching herself at Ember, only for Crystal and Jason to hold her back.

Jack stood up, looking hurt "Why? I thought we were a team?"

Ember laughed "Oh please Jackie Boy! You were more like a tool than a partner! Just because we used to work together doesn't me we still do! Man, I thought you were smarter than that!"

Crystal grumbled as she let go of Blaze. Now what?

* * *

Back in the base, Weirdwolf had forced Skullcruncher to take him to the bathroom.

"Ugh, are you almost done in there?-!" Skullcruncher shouted from outside the booth.

"Not quite full yet am I...Baa!" Weirdwolf called back.

"Full? Wait, wha-? Oh God damn it! Are you drinking the toilet water?-!" Skullcruncher shouted.

"Maybe...Troz!" Weirdwolf replied.

"Oh God damn it! I hate you you evil little monster! When you get out of there, your nose is going to get such a flicking!" Skullcruncher cried.

"Yip! Yip! Yip!" Weirdwolf...yipped, before a loud thudding noise was heard and Skullcruncher's handcuffed arm began moving around.

"Whoa! Hey, hey, hey! Are you running around in there?" Skullcruncher questioned.

"Scare me, you do...Grabthar's hammer!" There was a loud thud, a groan, and Skullcruncher abruptly found himself dragged to the floor by Weirdwolf's weight.

"Wha-Oh no! He knocked himself out!" Skullcruncher muttered "Wait...perchance there's the key to these cups in my pocket...Damn! If only I could reach it! Argh! I'll have to bust the door down and drag him out!"

And so Skullcruncher proceeded to kick the door down, but fell in the process, splaying himself over the unconscious Weirdwolf.

It was at this point that Wheelie walked in.

Wheelie looked surprised at the spectacle "Uh, hi...now, I know how this looks but-" Skullcruncher began.

"Oooh, bathroom party! Those are fun and art-y!" Wheelie rhymed.

"Uh, yeah, whatever, look, can you get a key out of my pocket?" Skullcruncher asked.

"Sure the poor!" Wheelie rhymed, reaching into the cringing Skullcruncher's pocket.

_Dear God it's like a nightmare! A nightmare surrounded by lunatics! How could this get any worse? _Skullcruncher thought to himself.

It was at this point that Starscream's ghost walked in and saw Wheelie reaching into Skullcruncher's pocket while he lay splayed out over Weirdwolf's unconsciouss body. His eyes opened wide before he let out a shriek and ran for his life.

"Wait! Wait! It's not what it looks like ya stupid freak!" Skullcruncher called out after him "Aw damn it!"

* * *

Back in the city, Crystal was walking around by herself, upset.

After she had been cheated out of the contest, she had seen Blaze home and began her lonely walk home.

"What am I gonna do now? I don't know what I could get him..." Crystal muttered to herself.

Suddenly, it caught her eye. She glanced up and saw it in all of its glory.

"My God...it's beautiful..." Crystal whispered, before looking at the price tag.

It was exactly in her range.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Crystal exclaimed, leaping up into the air with joy.

This was going to be perfect!

* * *

Just outside the Autobot base, the five Decepticons had regrouped and were now standing on a hill overlooking the base. In his hand, Skullcruncher held a small device with a large red button on it.

"Well gentlemen, this is it, the destruction of the Autobots and their base...savour the moment men, we are about to go down in Decepticon history." Skullcruncher said to the others.

"Awesome." Snapdragon muttered.

"Uh, wait, what about those two Cassettes? Rhythm and Tune, shouldn't we-Oh sweet Jesus no!" Mindwipe cried as Weirdwolf snatched the detonator away from Skullcruncher.

"ToolateRatbat! Fivefourthreetwoone and GO!" Weirdwolf shouted, pushing down on the button, at which point the Autobot base exploded...

...With whipped cream.

"Wha-What just happened?" A severly perplexed Apeface asked in shock.

Skullcruncher stood rooted to the spot for a moment, before staring at Weirdwolf "You! You were supposed to pack the explosives!"

"Oh, left home at that I...!" Weirdwolf explained.

"You left it? Why?-!" Skullcruncher asked in desperation.

"To room for the make cream whipped...Dancin' like a monkey!" Weirdwolf shouted as his head erupted in a shower of whipped cream.

Skullcruncher could only sigh.

In the Author's base...

* * *

"So, how do I look?" James asked as he stood in front of Errol and Sparky.

"You look great man!" Errol reassured him.

"Yeah, awesome!" Sparky added.

James was wearing what he considered to be his best suit, all black, somewhat casual but still appropriate for most occasions.

"Well, we'd better go, she'll be here any minute." Errol said as he glanced at his watch.

"Yeah, and, uh, maybe you should tip the chef who made you guys this awesome meal?" Sparky suggested as he eld his hand out.

James sighed and slipped him a fiver.

"Thank you!" Sparky said cheerfully as he slipped out after Errol.

"Hi James." A voice from behind James greeted.

He turned, and what he saw took his breath away...

In a pink dress, looking beautiful beyond belief was Crystal, her red hair shining in the fading light.

"H-hi Crystal..." James replied, having some trouble controlling his tongue, which seemed to have swollen up in his mouth.

"So, are you going to stand there stammering or are you going to offer me a seat?" Crystal asked, wearing a mischevious grin.

James hurried to do so.

"Thank you."

"Wow, you look-you look beautiful..." James breathed.

Crystal laughed "Thanks, Jenny and Aqua had a hand in it."

Something in the back of Jame's mind clicked "Oh, uh, I got this for you."

He held out a small box. Taking it out of his hands, Crystal opened it to find a small, heart shaped locket.

"Oh wow, it's beautiful! Thank you so much James!" Crystal gasped as she hugged him.

James chuckled "You're welcome."

Crystal looked up, suspicious "Wait, how did you afford this?"

James gave a small grin "Oh, Hideki gave me a hand with it...let's just say my parents bank account is now short a couple of hundred dollars."

Crystal's eyes lit up "You didn't!"

"Sure did. Man, I wish I could see the look on their faces." James murmured whistfully.

"Oh, and I got you this!" Crystal exclaimed as she brought out a box.

"Wow, what is it?" James asked.

"Well open it and see!" Crystal replied.

James eagerly opened up the box to find...

"Oh...this is...wow..." James murmured as he picked up the snowglobe.

Crystal laughed "Thought you'd like it. It reminded me of our first date."

James smiled as he gently shook the snow globe "Oh yes...I remember it."

* * *

Five years ago...

"So, here it is!" Crystal announced as she led James to the spot.

"Crystal, what is...oh, wow!" James gasped as he what she had wanted him to see.

"Awesome, huh?" Crystal asked as they stared out at the city New York.

"Awesome does not begin to describe it..." James muttered in awe.

Crystal layed down a blanket as James continued to stare "Come and lay down." Crystal offered.

James did so "Can you belive how long we've known each other?"

Crystal considered it "It's been a very nice three years, hasn't it?"

"Yeah...this is all just so beautiful..." James murmured.

"Yeah, I come up here to think. It's nice." Crystal replied.

"Want it to get nicer?" James asked.

"Sure." Crystal replied.

James blew softly into the air and soon, snowflakes were descending.

Crystal smiled "Nice."

"Yeah...Crystal?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too James."

* * *

_Why do birds suddenly appear_

_Every time you are near?_

_Just like me, they long to be_

_Close to you._

_Why do stars fall down from the sky_

_Every time you walk by?_

_On the day that you were born_

_and the angels got together_

_And decided to create a dream come true_

_So they sprinkled moon dust_

_in your hair of gold_

_And starlight in your eyes of blue._

_That is why all the girls in town_

_Follow you all around_

_On the day that you were born_

_and the angels got together_

_And decided to create a dream come true_

_So they sprinkled moon dust_

_in your hair of gold_

_And starlight in your eyes of blue._

_That is why all the girls in town_

_Follow you all around_

_FIN_


	39. Arise Grimlock Prime and the Exkaisers I

Aku: Welcome mortals to They Just Don't Care Anymore, chapter 39. As usual, the Author has requested that I make it known that he does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters which belong to The Transformers, pity him, for his life is meaningless. Now that we have these meddlesome...introductions, out of the way, feel free to enjoy this...Adieu.

* * *

Just outside of the Autobot base, the Dinobots were returning from a patrol near the area, making sure that there were no Decepticon threats.

"Well, me see no threats." Grimlock reported as he and the others returned to the base...

...To see it covered in whipped cream.

"Yipes!" Mindwipe cried as he ran by, closely followed by several others.

"Gotta go!" Skullcruncher shouted.

They failed.

"Hey! Where they go?" Swoop asked.

In response, Sludge just shrugged.

"Oh well, they gone now, so...victory for us!" Grimlock shouted.

"Yay!" Sludge cheered.

"Sludge dumb, coup later, pass it on." Snarl whispered to Slag.

"Uh, guys, cream?" Swoop asked, motioning to the whipped cream covered base.

"Oh, yes, cream...Snarl, Sludge, clean that up!" Grimlock ordered.

The duo sighed as they trudged towards the base.

"Swoop, track escaping Decepticons!" Grimlock added.

"Got it!" Swoop called out as he took to the air.

"And Slag?" Slag asked.

"Go see if Prime survived cream." Grimlock commanded.

"And then?" Slag raised an eyebrow...which he didn't have of course, but oh well.

"Then kill him so that Grimlock rule!" Grimlock explained as he handed Slag a gun.

"Gladly." Slag replied as he took the gun and merrily skipped off to murder his leader.

* * *

Not far away...

"Gah! Keep running! One of them is after us!" Apeface shouted as he and his compatriots fled.

"Eep!" Snapdragon...eeped, as Swoop landed in front of them and transformed back into robot mode.

"Grimlock ordered me Swoop to track you down...and bring you back, presumably." Swoop told the Decepticons.

"Uh...take Weirdwolf!" Skullcruncher shouted as he threw Weirdwolf at Swoop.

"Je veux ton amour et je veux ta revanche!" Weirdwolf shouted as he flew through the air, before impacting on Swoop's chest as the others ran off.

"Cheese it!" Mindwipe cried.

"Huh...oh well, at least Swoop get one of them..." Swoop muttered as he held Weirdwolf at arm's length.

"Oooh, chicken leg's you've got...Smeerch!" Weirdwolf giggled.

* * *

In the Author's base...

Ashlyn rubbed her eyes as she sat up.

_Ah, well, another miserable day _Ashlyn thought, not in the habit of talking to herself.

Getting up, she strode to her computer. As usual, she started the day by Rick Rolling everyone in the base...well, almost everyone, there were two people she excluded from her morning prank.

"Oooh, hey, an e-mail! I'll just open it to see-Argh!"

"What the frag?-!"

"Damn you Demi!"

"Why are we surprised by this anymore?-!"

Ashlyn smirked at the confusion and annoyance that this had created. If there was always one thing that she enjoyed, it was annoyance.

* * *

Making her way out to the rec room, Ashlyn saw Crystal and made her way over.

"Hey little sis, how's it going?" Ashlyn asked.

Crystal looked up "Demi, why do you call me little sis?"

Ashlyn shrugged "You remind me a lot of a young me, full of aggression, former street urchin, blazing red hair."

"...Right, y'know, you pissed off a lot of people with your Rick Rolling thing...again." Crystal informed her.

Ashlyn shrugged again "So what if I did? You think I care?"

"Clearly not, but Lisa is PO'ed, and you know how she gets when she's mad." Crystal replied.

Ashlyn looked indifferent "So, how'd your anniversary go?"

Crystal was surprised that Ashlyn of all people was bringing it up "Uh, yeah, good, me and James had a great time."

"Good, but in case the need should ever arise, remember that I can always make sure that James doesn't do anything...stupid." Ashlyn replied.

Crystal was startled "You don't mean..." She caught the look in Ashlyn's eye "Yeah, you do mean that...Uh, look, thanks for the offer, but no. Never."

Ashlyn shrugged "Alright, but the offer still stands."

"Whatever...I was going to watch James practice for Minion Idol, then get a few rounds in myself, wanna come?" Crystal offered.

Ashlyn shrugged for yet a fourth time "Sure, beats...whatever it was I was doing."

* * *

Outside of the Autobot base, Snarl and Sludge were shovelling away at the cream, having already shovelled out Cliffjumper, Hauler, Tracks, Huffer and Outback and were in the process of uncovering Springer and Sunstreaker.

"Argh! This hard work!" Snarl complained as he slammed his shovel down...right into Sunstreaker's knee joint, lodging it there.

"My leg!"

"Yeah, but we rescue Autobots! Good work, help others." Sludge replied as he did likewise...also into Sunstreaker's leg.

"My other leg! Oh God why?-!"

"To hell with good work! We do all work while Grimlock sit!" Snarl exclaimed as he pointed at Grimlock, who was sitting on top of the base and using Seaspray as a footstool.

"Grimlock no hear work!" Grimlock called out.

"We doing it damn you!" Snarl called back, stomping his foot down...right onto Sunstreaker's belly.

"Oh God! My belly!"

"Good! Keep working! Now, vibrate for Grimlock footstool!" Grimlock commanded.

"Yes sir!" Seaspray replied as he started shaking.

"You have point..." Sludge replied.

"Me Swoop back with prisoner!" Swoop cried as he landed in front of Grimlock, Weirdwolf in one of his claws.

"Ah good, me interrogate him! Who you and why should Grimlock spare you?" Grimlock asked as Swoop threw the Decepticon to the ground.

"Spare me you should 'cause bad Decepticon me and and Weirdwolf...Cheep!" Weirdwolf replied.

Grimlock stared at him for a moment, before turning to Swoop "Him look Sludge look smart!"

Swoop could only nod.

"Me find Optimus Prime!" Slag called out as he dragged the semi-conscious Autobot leader and threw him at Grimlock's feet.

"Ah, yes, Grimlock! Good to see you, my most faithful and loyal of followers! I know that you could never betray me!" Optimus greeted the leader of the Dinobots.

Swoop and Slag exchanged glances.

"Hmmm...Tragic, Prime is deceased." Grimlock muttered.

"What? I'm alive and-" Optimus began, only to be quickly cut off by Grimlock.

"_And _before he die, he bequeath me Grimlock with Autobot Matrix of Leadership...how nice." Grimlock added.

"What? I never-!" Optimus started again.

"We shall all remember him, etcetera, etcetera...Gimme!" Grimlock cried as he suddenly lunged forward and ripped the Matrix right out of Prime's chest.

"Gah! Oh, woe is me, for I am dying!" Optimus cried as he clutched at the gaping wound in his chest.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. As first act, I-" Grimlock began.

"Oh! Oh! Dying! Oooh!" Optimus cried out some more, before collapsing.

"...Yes, well, as first act, I-"

"Oh, what a world what a world!" Optimus shouted, suddenly leaping up and making Swoop and Slag jump.

"Gah! Why you not dead?-! You die all time! Now you decide to live?-!" Grimlock shouted.

"Out! Out, brief candle! Ssss!" Optimus exclaimed, before collapsing again.

Grimlock observed the body very closely this time before continuing "...Yes, well, as first act-Oh come on!" Grimlock shouted as Optimus leapt to his feet again.

"Fading! Fading! Ark! Now ze light, she fades! And darkness settles in!" Optimus cried.

"Oh this is ridiculous! Somebody kill him already!" Grimlock shouted.

It was at this point that Slag and Sludge began to pummel Optimus.

"Argh! Ooh, that hurts! Still dying by the way! Still dying!" Optimus shouted.

"Why won't you die?-!" Grimlock exclaimed.

"Oh! Oooh!" Optimus groaned as he collapsed and Slag and Sludge shot the body a few times, just to be sure.

"Finally! Now, first act-!"

"Oooh!" Optimus moaned and twitched an arm slightly...to be quickly blasted by Grimlock and have his smouldering body kicked off of the top of the base.

"Is he dead yet?-!" Grimlock shouted and waited for a few minutes "No? Good! As first act, all currently active Autobots must build statue to honor me Grimlock!"

"Uh, Grimlock, there are only six active Decepticons, not counting Dinobots." Snarl pointed out as he climbed up to the top of the base to face Grimlock.

"Oh...Well, dig some more!" Grimlock commanded, before kicking Snarl off and following up by shoving Slag and Sludge after him.

"WAAAAHHH!" The three cried out as they fell.

"Well, now to enjoy leadership..." Grimlock said "...Satisfying!"

* * *

In the Decepticon base...

"...And that's how we defeated the Autobot scourge sir!" Skullcruncher finished as he faced Cyclonus.

"Someone call my name?" Scourge asked, poking his head around a corner.

"Not you idiot!" Cyclonus snapped "So, you say that the Autobots have been vanquished?"

"Oh yes sir, right now, they're buried under a hundred and fifty tonnes of whipped cream!" Snapdragon replied.

"...Whipped cream?" A puzzled Cyclonus repeated "Wait, I thought you said-?"

"Oh, nice going Snapdragon!" Apeface snapped as he whacked his friend on the back of the head.

"Uh, look sir, the point is, we have immobilised the evil Autobot Armada! So, all that we ask is that we be given credit for our outstanding achievements? Pleeeaaaassse?" Mindwipe asked.

Cyclonus sighed and massaged his brow "Fine! Weird though, despite the stupidity of your plan, you actually seemed to have succeeded."

"Oh yes sir, you see, we're almost entirely sane...except for Weirdwolf...and to a lesser extent, Snapdragon." Skullcruncher replied.

"Great! I'll go and tell Galvatron!" Snapdragon exclaimed, before running off.

"Galvatron? Wait, no-!" Cyclonus cried out.

"What? Autobots defenceless! Sweet dude! All Decepticons, start the invasion!" Cyclonus could hear Galvatron shout.

Too late.

Cyclonus could only sigh and massage his brow.

* * *

In the Author's base, Crystal and Ashlyn were seated in the auditorium, were James was up on stage, practicing his big musical number.

_And how can you say I'll never change  
They're the ones that stay the same  
I'm the one now  
'Cause I'm still here_

_I'm the one_  
_'Cause I'm still here_  
_I'm still here_  
_I'm still here_  
_I'm still here_

Crystal clapped as the song finished "Awesome! You'll do great!"

James leapt down from the stage "Thanks, so, what song are you going to do?"

"Well, let me show you!" Crystal replied as she got up on the stage and took a microphone.

_She sits in her corner  
Singing herself to sleep  
Wrapped in all of the promises  
That no one seems to keep  
She no longer cries to herself,  
No tears left to wash away  
Just diaries of empty pages,  
Feelings gone astray  
But she will sing_

_'Till everything burns_  
_While everyone screams_  
_Burning their lies_  
_Burning my dreams_  
_All of this hate_  
_And all of this pain_  
_I'll burn it all down_  
_As my anger reigns_  
_'Till everything burns_

_Ooh, oh_

_Walking through life unnoticed_  
_Knowing that no one cares_  
_Too consumed in their masquerade_  
_No one sees her there_  
_And still she sings_

_'Till everything burns_  
_While everyone screams_  
_Burning their lies_  
_Burning my dreams_  
_All of this hate_  
_And all of this pain_  
_Burn it all down_  
_As my anger reigns_

_'Till everything burns_  
_Everything burns_  
_(Everything burns)_  
_Everything burns_  
_Watching it all fade away_  
_(All fade away)_  
_Everyone screams_  
_Everyone screams..._  
_(Watching it all fade away)_  
_Oooh, ooh..._  
_(While everyone screams)_  
_Burning their lies_  
_Burning my dreams_  
_(All of this hate)_  
_And all of this pain_  
_I'll burn it all down_  
_As my anger reigns_  
_Til everything burns_  
_(Everything burns)_  
_Watching it all fade away_  
_(Oooh, ooh)_  
_(Everything burns)_  
_Watching it all fade away..._

James stared, wide eyed "Wow...seriously dark..."

Ashlyn allowed herself a small smile "I like it, so much anger and sadness in it."

James stared at her "Uh...right..."

Ashlyn stood up "Nice work little sis, love to hear more, but I better get going, I promised Sparky and Jenny I'd show up unannounced some time, ciao."

"Uh, ok, bye." Crystal called out.

"She scares me." James said.

"Oh, she's a little...intimidating, sure, but I'm sure she's...uh, well, decent at least..." Crystal replied.

"She likes you at least, so you have nothing to worry about." James pointed out.

Crystal shrugged "Yeah, apparently I remind me of her, that's why she calls me little sis."

James looked confused "A young Demi? I can't even imagine that."

"Why are you calling her Demi now? She's not here right now, she can't hear you." Crystal pointed out.

"Oh, she has ways, she'll hear me." James replied.

"It's true, I will!" Ashlyn called out.

James shuddered as Crystal looked surprised.

* * *

Back at the Autobot base, the Dinobots, in addition to the other Autobots that they had recovered, were still busy with their excavation efforts.

"Hurry up minions!" Grimlock ordered, brandishing a whip, which he used to flay Sunstreaker.

"Yipe!"

Suddenly, a shadow passed over the Autobots and their pseudo valiant efforts to rescue their trapped comrades...

"Eh?" Grimlock asked as he turned around to face...

"DEVASTATOR SMASH!" Devastator shouted as he brought his fist down on top of Sunstreaker as Grimlock safely leapt out of the path of Devastator's overgrown green and purple fist.

"Decepticon ambush!" Snarl exclaimed as even more Decepticons flew towards them.

"This call for big guns! Omega Supreme! Attack!" Grimlock commanded, pointing towards the huge Autobot.

"COMMAND ACKNOWLEDGED!" Omega Supreme replied as he launched himself at his old enemy.

"All Autobots attack!" Grimlock cried as he brought out a sword and leapt at Dirge, cutting him in twain...two, twain means two...I assume...

"Charge Decepticons!" Galvatron ordered as he transformed into a cannon and opened fire...

...In mid air, causing him to fall to the ground.

"Ack!" Dirge cried as he was blown out of the sky by one of Omega Supreme's shots.

'EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!" Omega Supreme Chanted as he then proceeded to turn the full force of his firepower onto Skywarp, who attempted to teleport as he was hit, only for him to end up in a dimension where Nintendo characters were superheroes, never to be seen again.

"Oh no..." Frenzy muttered as Omega Supreme swivelled around and trained his arsenal on him and Rumble, blowing them away.

"RARGH! DEVASTATOR DESTROY!" Devastator roared as he launched himself at the towering Autobot.

"ALL YOUR BASE R BELONG TO US!" Omega Supreme retorted as he elbowed him in the head.

Kick!

Punch!

Smash!

Oooh! Right to the wrecking balls!

"IN YOUR BASE, KILLING YOUR DUDES!" Omega Supreme Taunted as Devastator lay on the ground, writhing in pain, before getting back up and blasting Omega Supreme in the back.

"This could go on while..." Swoop muttered.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Author's headquarters...

The Author grunted as he dragged a heavy sledgehammer across the bases floor.

Looking up in confusion were Ashlyn, Sparky and Jenny.

"Uh...whatcha got there?" Jenny asked, perplexed.

The Author let out a breath of air as he stopped trying to drag the heavy object "Time and a sledgehammer."

"And...What are you going to do with them?" A severely confused Sparky asked.

"I, am going to go out there and destroy every single bloody DVD and VHS copy of _Welcome to Woop Woop _in existence, that's what I'm going to do!" The Author replied.

"...Why?" Sparky asked after a slight pause.

"Because like most Australian movies, it seems to hate Australia and paint us in a bad light and therefore must be destroyed!" The Author responded, before attempting to set out once more.

"Oooh, senseless destruction! Can I come too?" Ashlyn asked.

"Sure, your fire breath will come in handy...or, maybe you'd like to carry the sledgehammer?" The Author asked hopefully.

"No." Ashlyn replied, to the Author's great disappointment.

The Author sighed "Oh well...onwards to destroy a movie that I did not like!"

And so they set off, the Author still dragging that damn sledgehammer behind him.

"Well...that was certainly weird..." Jenny stated.

"It sure was sweetie, it sure was..." Sparky replied.

* * *

Back at the Autobots base, Omega Supreme was standing over the defeated and unconscious form of Devastator.

"I HAVE DEFEATED THE ENEMY! PRAISE ME! PRAISE MEEEEE!" Omega Supreme cried as all of the Decepticons watched on in fear.

All except one.

Knowing what he had to do, Buzzsaw charged towards his foe at top speed...

...And flew right through him, coming in out the front and exiting via the back.

"URK! I'M GONNA WRITHE AROUND ON THE GROUND NOW, OK?" Omega Supreme asked as he collapsed and began to shake and jitter around uncontrollably.

"Well...crud..." Was all that Grimlock could say.

"Aha! With your greatest weapon defeated, you are surely doomed!" A bruised and battered Galvatron cheered.

"What shall we do now, O leader, my leader?" Sunstreaker asked.

"No more harm shall befall you!" Grimlock announced, accidentally swinging his arm into Sunstreaker's jaw "Because we Dinobots have super secret weapon! Da Autobot Matrix o' Leadership! It is neat!"

"Uh, are you sure that you should be using that thing?" Hauler asked.

"Silence! Now witness as we unleash it on the fools! It's Morphine Time!" Grimlock cried.

"Uh, morphin'..." Snarl corrected.

"Whatever." Grimlock said as he opened it up...

_Arise...Grimlock Prime and the Exkaisers..._

_You got the touch  
You got the power_

_After all is said and done_  
_You've never walked, you've never run,_  
_You're a winner_

_You got the moves, you know the streets_  
_Break the rules, take the heat_  
_You're nobody's fool_

_You're at your best when when the goin' gets rough_  
_You've been put to the test, but it's never enough_

_You got the touch_  
_You got the power_

_When all hell's breakin' loose_  
_You'll be riding the eye of the storm_

_You got the heart_  
_You got the motion_

_You know that when things get too tough_  
_You got the touch_

_You never bend, you never break_  
_You seem to know just what it takes_  
_You're a fighter_

_It's in the blood, it's in the will_  
_It's in the mighty hands of steel_  
_When you're standin' your ground_

_And you never get hit when your back's to the wall_  
_Gonna fight to the end and you're takin' it all_

_You got the touch_  
_You got the power_

_When all hell's breakin' loose_  
_You'll be riding the eye of the storm_

_You got the heart_  
_You got the motion_

_You know that when things get too tough_  
_You got the touch_

_You're fightin' fire with fire_  
_You know you got the touch_

_You're at your best when when the road gets rough_  
_You've been put to the test, but it's never enough_

_You got the touch_  
_You got the power_

_You got the touch_  
_You got the power_

"Armour Geist!" Snarl cried out, now bearing gold armour, a red visored helmet and a whole lot more spikes.

"Horn Geist!" Slag exclaimed as he now brandished bright orange armour, a horned helmet, also bearing a red visor and a faceplate.

"Thunder Geist!" What had once been Sludge shouted as he showed off his brand new blue armour, purple visored helmet with fin attachments and the blades which were now protruding from his shoulders.

"Ptera Geist!" Swoop shrieked as he hovered in midair, clad in grey armour, a large helmet with yet _another _red visor and large and majestic wings with claws of solid gold poking out of them.

"And me...Grimlock Prime..." Grimlock shouted before noticing that aside from gaining a little extra height and a few wrinkles, absolutely nothing had changed. "Oh God damn it!"

"Nevermind! We can still beat them! Hey...we can talk normally now! Sweet!" Armour Geist exclaimed.

"Oh this is awesome!" Ptera Geist cried.

"Exkaisers, attack!" Horn Geist shouted as he transformed and charged the Decepticons, with the others soon following suit.

"Uh oh..." Dirge muttered as Snarl promptly impaled him on his tail.

"C'mon boys, let's go get 'em!" Slamdance cried as he leapt at Beatboxer, beating the hell out of him.

"Yeah! Let's get 'em!" Blaster agreed.

"CHAAAARRRRGGGGEEEE!" Grimlock Prime roared as he leapt at Galvatron.

The battle raged as the newly powered Exkaisers and regular Autobots fought the same old Decepticons.

"Wow, this sure is fun!" Thunder Geist exclaimed as he pummelled a dazed Tantrum with one closed fist, holding him up by his collar in the other.

"You said it pal!" Horn Geist replied as he unleashed a barrage of missiles at Scourge, who promptly exploded.

"Wahoo!" Armour Geist shouted enthusiastically as he eagerly leapt into a crowd of Sweeps, tearing them to pieces.

"Keep going men, we got 'em on run!" Grimlock Prime cheered...

...Before a bolt of green lighting sliced through the air and exploded above them.

"What the hell is that?" An only just freed Jazz asked.

Suddenly, through the smoke, all those who were present could make out a green form with a yellow, horned insignia on his chest.

"Autobots! Decepticons! I am Megabolt, Herald of the dread lord Unicron! My arrival signals the arrival of the Destroyer of The Cosmos himself! Unicron!" The Transformer exclaimed.

"I-impossible, we destroyed all the Unicrons!" Gears exclaimed.

"Yeah! We destroyed him good!" Smokescreen added.

"Quiet you! You weren't even there!" Springer snapped.

"Yes sir, sorry sir..."

Megabolt sneered "Correction! You merely thought that you had destroyed him, but his spark lived on in all of his Heralds! And now we come here before you to show you that Unicron lives! Behold!"

They all gasped when a huge form materialised in the sky...It was Unicron!

"Prepare for your destruction fools!" Megabolt cackled.

"...Aw Man." Thunder Geist moaned.

* * *

Aku: And so concludes the story. Well, I'm sure that you're all wondering what shall happen, well, rest assured that all will be revealed in the next exciting instalment of They Just Don't Care Anymore...Until then, farewell mortals!


	40. Lots of Action, Surprisingly Bad II

Errol: Hello, and welcome to They Just Don't Care Anymore, the fortieth chapter milestone...Yay. As usual, I am to say that The Author does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the various characters whom you would usually associated with The Transformers...Nor any of the many characters who will be making cameos in today's exciting and thrilling episode, etcetera, etcetera. Last time, the Autobots, under the command of the treacherous Grimlock Prime were beating the Decepticons to a bloody pulp, until the arrival of the newly reconstructed Unicron...oh no. Oh, and also there was this subplot with Demi, which really didn't go anywhere, but she said she'd kill me if I didn't mention it. Ahem, well, without further ado, on with the story...go.

* * *

_I am a shadow, flitting across your peripheral vision..._

_I am the blade of destiny, destined to sever your thread of life..._

_I am-_

"Sparky! What the hell are you doing in my room?-!"

_Uh oh._

Hideki strode over and grabbed the katanna from Sparky's grip, before restoring it to its proper place in its mantle on the wall "This is not a toy Sparky! This sword was used by my ancestors! So don't touch it!"

"Aw, but it looks so cool! Besides, you got to use it all the time back when we were Offbeats!" Sparky protested.

Hideki snorted "That was because we were all running around like idiots! I got swept up in it all!"

"You loved it!" Sparky exclaimed "Besides, it's how you met Roxanne!"

Hideki paused for a moment, before asking "How did you get in my room?"

"Oh, you can thank Ashlyn for that, she got a set of your thumbprints!" Sparky answered.

Another pause "...How?"

Sparky shrugged "She wouldn't tell me because she thought I'd tell you."

Hideki sighed "Demi...that girl will be the death of me one day..."

"Oh, she's actually really nice when you win her over." Sparky replied.

"She still threatens you, doesn't she?" Hideki questioned.

"Yeah, but less than she used to!" Sparky countered.

Hideki sighed again "Look, whatever, just go! I'll be in my workshop!"

Sparky gave a mock salute "Yes sir!"

Hideki glared at him as he left, before he did the same.

It was at that point that the doorbell rang.

"SPARKY! Go get that!" Sparky heard Lisa shout.

Sparky sighed "Yes my slavedriver..." He muttered.

"I heard that!" Lisa shouted.

Sparky jumped "Ok! Ok! Answering the door!"

He opened the door to see...

"Hi, Sparky, right?" Roxanne asked.

"You got it. Hi Roxanne." Sparky greeted.

"Hi, is Hideki here?" Roxanne questioned.

"Yeah, he's in his workshop, come on, I'll show you to him." Sparky offered.

"Thanks." Roxanne said as she stepped into the base and followed Sparky "So...what do you do around here?"

Sparky shrugged "Cook, linguist."

"Linguist?" Roxanne asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Si senorita, un lingüista y uno de alto calibre." Sparky answered.

"Wow, you speak Spanish?" Roxanne asked, impressed.

"And French, Russian, Italian, Korean, German, Swahili, Mandarin and Japanese, that last one courtesy of your boyfriend." Sparky answered.

"Wow, that is impressive, it would most people decades to learn all those languages." Roxanne murmured.

"Well, of course, I'm not everyone." Sparky replied with a smile "Of course, there is one language of which I have yet to master..."

"Oh yeah? What is it? Arabic, Cantonese?"

Sparky paused "The elusive language of...Pig Latin."

Roxanne paused, and then chuckled "You're joking, right?"

Sparky glanced back at her, a grim look on his face.

"Ok then..." Roxanne muttered.

Finally, they arrived at Hideki's workshop.

Sparky knocked on the door "Hey! Hideki! Roxanne's here!"

There was a brief silence, before they heard someone coming up the stairs, before Hideki opened the door.

"Roxie, hi." Hideki greeted.

"Hey Hid, ready?" Roxanne asked.

Hideki's eyes opened wide "Oh right, we were supposed to be going to that amusement park today, weren't we?"

Roxanne raised an eyebrow "Don't tell me you forgot?"

Sparky slipped by them "I'll get out of your hair, I just need to get something from in there, ok Tech?"

"Tech?" Roxanne asked.

Hideki sighed "My old nickname...and no, I didn't forget, how could I forget?" Roxanne stared at him "Um...just let me get my coat..."

They walked down into his workshop, passing by all manner of objects.

"So, what are you working on?" Roxanne asked.

"Oh, you know, the usual, new vehicles, non lethal weaponry, that sort of stuff..." Hideki answered.

"Huh, sounds cool." Roxanne replied.

"Sure is...so, you looking forward to today?" Hideki asked.

Roxanne smiled "Sure, I've been going to this place since I was a little girl, you're going to love it!"

"That's good, I'm sure I-" Hideki opened the door to the closet he kept in his workshop...

...And Ashlyn and Sparky fell out.

"Uh...hi there..." Sparky muttered feebly.

"What were you doing in there?" Hideki asked.

"Uh...nothin'." Sparky replied.

"You were eavesdropping, weren't you?" Hideki questioned, a displeased look on his face.

"Uh...Actually, we were trying to figure out whether Roxanne looks more like Mila Jovovich or Emile De Ravin...it was her idea!" Sparky accused, pointing to Ashlyn.

"So what if it was?" Ashlyn asked, staring calmly at Hideki.

Hideki sighed in frustration "Demi, I don't care how intimidating you are, this is just ridiculous!"

Roxanne gave a little chuckle "If you wanna know, I looked like Emile De Ravin before I dyed my hair, now people say I look like Mila Jovovich."

Hideki, Ashlyn and Sparky looked suitably surprised and confused.

The pair got up "Uh, we'll just be getting out of your hair then, bye!" Sparky cried as he grabbed Ashlyn by the arm and quickly strode off.

"Stop saying "Uh"!" Ashlyn snapped.

Hideki frowned as they left "Nosy little-!"

"So, are they involved or something?" Roxanne asked.

"Hmmm? Nah, Sparky's in a relationship with Jenny, you remember her? That perky girl with the black hair and the super strength?" Hideki asked.

"Yeah, I remember her, she seems really sweet." Roxanne replied.

"Well she is, so I have no idea what she's doing with a lunatic like Sparky." Hideki muttered.

"He seems nice, despite the weird celebrity resemblance thing." Roxanne replied.

Hideki shrugged "Ashlyn, or Demi as she prefers to be called by everyone except Sparky is a loner, but apparently she did have a boyfriend once, some guy named Klaw...Sparky and Ashlyn are just really close friends."

Roxanne nodded "Ah, ok then."

Hideki pulled on his coat "So, you ready to go then?"

Roxanne slid off of the bench "Sure, ready for a great day?"

Hideki grinned "Sure am."

* * *

Above the assembled Autobots and Decepticon stood the greatest threat that they had ever known...Unicron!

But wait...what was up with his chest...and his arms...and his legs...and his spine? What the hell is this thing?

"Uh...what up with Unicron?" Grimlock Prime asked.

It seemed that his head had been the only piece of him that had been relatively intact, while the rest of him was constructed of various spaceships. His torso was a huge pinkish-purple ship with a black, triangular logo on it, his body was a huge grey metal triangle, his right arm was a very strangely shaped ship, vaguely resembling the letter E, a yellow, black, purple and white saucer replaced one of his feet, and it looked like a white dreadnought with a strange upside down heart shaped logo made up a good portion of his back, hell, there was even an old fashioned British police box, among other oddities.

"What the hell is this thing?" Jazz asked.

Megabolt rubbed the back of his head "Yeah, well, Unicron was pretty banged up by the time that we got to him, so we kinda had to rebuild him using passing ships..."

"That's lame! You're lame!" Wheeljack exclaimed, pointing an accusatory finger at Megabolt, who, in response, fried him with some form of laser...thing.

"Kneel before Megabolt!" Megabolt cried.

"Hmmm, giant crappy Unicron in sky, little egomaniac Unicron spawn below us..." Grimlock Prime muttered "Kill!"

Suddenly, Hot Rod pushed past Grimlock and pointed at Unicron "Hey! That's the guy! And he's back for MOOORE!...Get him!"

In response, Grimlock Prime shoved him out of the way "Stupid Hot Rod. Who let you out of event horizon anyway?"

"Enough of this! Let the epic battle for the fate of the world COMMENCE!" Megabolt cried.

"Wait, why do we have to have an epic fate of the worlds battle?" Hauler asked.

"Yeah, couldn't you just, like, destroy us pathetically easily?" Smokescreen questioned, only to be promptly shushed by Goldbug, Pipes and Huffer.

"Hmmm, that's not a bad idea...Unicron! Activate the bridge cannon!" Megabolt shouted.

"GAAAAHHHHH..." Unicron Remade drooled as the Massive ship that made up his chest fired a widespread beam from its bow...

* * *

Aboard the _Massive..._

"Well this is strange..." Purple muttered as he viewed the _Massive's_ bridge cannon fire on a bunch of giant robots.

"Yeah, no duh!" Red snapped "I bet Zim's behind this!"

Purple snorted in contempt "Yeah Zim! This stuff is always his fault! Stupid Zim! And where are my snacks?-!"

One of the Bridge officers looked flustered "Uh, sir, whatever has taken control of us has jettisoned the Snack Compartments...we, uh...have no snacks..."

Red and Purple looked horrified.

"No snacks?-! Aaaaah!" Purple screamed as he flew around the bridge, flailing his arms around in panic.

Red pressed one of his hands to his face "Aw man, not the snacks...Not the snacks!"

* * *

Aboard the Resisty Ship...

"Urgh!" Lard Nar exclaimed as he slammed his fist down onto the arm of his chair "Can someone explain to me how this happened? Hmmm, anyone?"

Spleenk raised his arm "Oooh! Oooh! Pick me! Pick me!"

Lard Nar sighed and motioned to him.

"Was it because we fell into a trap where we thought that the _Massive's _snacks were just floating around in space? Huh? Issat it? Huh?" Spleenk asked.

Lard Nar sighed and massaged his brow "Yes that would probably be it..."

Shloonktapooxis spoke up "Oooh! Captain! It's the _Massive! _Can I shoot it? Pweeeeaaaassssse?"

Lard Nar frowned in annoyance "Yes, I know it's the _Massive _because we've been welded to it for the past sixteen hours, and no, you can't shoot at it because WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER OUR WEAPONS SYSTEM!-!"

"Awwww..." Shloonktapooxis and Spleenk moaned..

"Well...now what?" A three headed alien asked.

"Oooh! Five thousand and two pickup!" Spleenk cried as he proceeded to throw a massive number of cards into the air.

Lard Nar sighed as one of them skewered itself onto one of his horns.

* * *

Aboard the _Dark Star_

"Awwww man..." Sergeant Pinback moaned "First that stupid alien makes me feed him, then that stupid bomb threatens to go off in the cargo hold, and now this stupid robot has us trapped here!"

"...You suck..." Boiler muttered.

"Awwww..." Pinback moaned.

* * *

_Spaceball One..._

"What the hell's the matter with this thing? Why aren't we moving?" Dark Helmet asked.

"Well sir, we seem to have been captured and welded to a giant robot head, along with a number of other ships to form some sort of giant robot..." Colonel Sanders answered.

"What, like Mega Maid?" Dark Helmet persisted.

"Well, yes sir, but of a much lower quality and with more weapons."

Dark Helmet laughed "I knew it! No matter how hard they try, these losers can never match up to the power of...The Spaceballs!" He laughed maniacally and pulled his helmet down...until the camera hit his head and knocked him over "Shit!"

* * *

And back on the ground...

"Wow, that sure is a lot of firepower trained on us..." Hoist muttered.

"Yeah...take him! I'm too pretty to die!" Grapple shouted as he pointed to Hoist.

In response, Gears and Huffer proceeded to lob Grapple at Unicron, where he promptly impacted and exploded on the _Chimera. _

"Well now what do we do?" Blitzwing asked.

Galvatron looked around "What now? Now I say we fight, for when you fight, you say that you-!" It was at this point that one of Unicron's new hands struck him and sent him flying high into the atmosphere "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!-!-!"

Looking around nervously, Scourge walked up to where Galvatron had been standing and addressed all of the assembled Autobots and Decepticons "Um, let's...go, fight?"

At once, a massive cheer erupted as they all launched themselves at Unicron.

"Attack! ATTACK!" Mixmaster shrieked as he began gently gnawing upon Unicron's leg in the hopes that it would make him sad.

Soon, blasts were flying from all sides as Autobot and Decepticon teamed up to defeat Unicron...again. It was neat.

"Wahoo!" Cliffjumper shrieked as a massive shot from _Serenity _sent him flying.

"YAY! We're doomed!" Blurr shrieked as he ran around in flaming, searing agony.

"Only my Master Sword can save us now!" Fortress Maximus exclaimed...before it overheated and shattered when a stray shot glanced it "WAAAAAHHHH!"

"Oh, who can save us now?" Starscream's ghost cried.

"We can ya little freak!" The Exkaisers shouted as they effortlessly leapt over him, all majestic like, like a drunken whale...well, except for Thunder Geist, who crushed Starscream's ghost under his bulk.

"CHARGE!" Grimlock Prime shouted as he slashed Unicron's heel...which seemed to be a giant Teacup shaped thingy or something.

Sky Lynx leapt forward in Lynx Mode, running along Unicron's legs, hacking and slashing furiously as Omega Supreme blasted him from below.

"Hmm, this might not be going as well as I had expected it to..." Megabolt muttered "Come hither my fellow Heralds! Yeah!"

Streaming from Unicron's mouth came dozens of other Transformers.

"Roll call!" Megabolt shouted as the Heralds lined up behind him.

"Antagony!"

"Shokaract!"

"Elephorca!"

"Rartorata!"

"Drancorn!"

"Cataclysm!"

"Bludgeon!"

"Sideways!"

"New Wave Bossa Nova!...wait, am I even connected to Unicron at all?"

"Carcass!"

"Lobotomaxx!"

"Ravenus!"

"Plus a shitload of Legion!" A bunch of creepy as sin Megatron's with suspiciously phallic looking tongues shouted as they flew down besides their fellows.

"Jesus Christ!" Cyclonus exclaimed in horror.

"I think I'm gonna be sick..." Jazz muttered as he saw the Legion drool...it was not pretty.

"Well, uh...CHARGE! Some more!" Grimlock Prime shouted.

The ensuing battle was truly epic...truly.

* * *

"So, what do ya wanna try out first?" Roxanne asked as she led Hideki by the arm.

"Well, how about the Ferris wheel?" Hideki asked.

"Sounds like a plan!" Roxanne exclaimed as they walked off.

It was at this point however that a nearby hot dog cart blew up.

"What the-?" Hideki asked in shock as he looked up.

"Freeze peons, as the Sinister Science Squad arrives!" An elderly man who looked bizarrely like Dr. Gero announced as he and three others stood in a hovering platform.

"Oh no, not these losers..." Hideki muttered.

"Friends of yours?" Roxanne asked as she raised an eyebrow.

"See the old guy?" Hideki asked, pointing to him "That would be Nicodemus, standard mad scientist schtick, the orange furry guy next to him? Winston Riker, his disgruntled assistant. Next to him is Sergei's brother Dimitri...and he's still a mantis like mutant. And finally, we have cobra, the enforcer with huge fangs and venom...ugh, these losers were our enemies back in my Offbeat days..."

"So...what are they doing here?" Roxanne asked.

"Good question...Hey! Tools! What the hell are you losers doing here?-!" Hideki shouted.

Riker looked down "Oh no...Doctor, it's that twerp from the old days!"

Nicodemus followed his gaze "What is he doing here? Hey! What are you doing here?-!"

"I asked you first!"

Nicodemus sighed "Very well, we are here to demonstrate our latest robot army so that the masses know who to fear! Tremble before Nicodemus! Tremble I say!"

Hideki glared "Look, that's all very good and all, but I'm on a date right now, so can you take this little rampage of yours downtown so that Spider-Man or Thor or whatever can take care of you?"

Nicodemus laughed "Not a chance! By destroying you, I can make people fear me even more!"

"Nobody fears you, idiot." Riker muttered under his breath.

"Now go my minions, gooooooo!" Nicodemus shouted as dozens of robots launched themselves at Hideki.

"Eep!" Roxanne cried as Hideki pushed her out of the way.

"Sorry!" Hideki exclaimed as he reached into a pocket and pulled out...a fuma shuriken...yes, he carries those around with him...and in neat, foldable form!

Quickly unfolding it, he slashed the nearest two attack bots in half, before launching it at another three.

"Yipe!" Cobra cried as he barely dodged the shuriken "Oh you are dead!"

"Can I join in?" Dimitri asked.

"Sure, go nuts..." Nicodemus muttered as he watched his robots go down.

"Yay!" Dimitri cried as he flew down, alongside Cobra, who used a jetpack.

Back on the ground, Hideki used his EMP touch to disable another robot, kicked another away, before shutting off a third. And that's when he was tackled by Cobra...

"Oof!"

"Now let's have a dogpile...or somethin'...uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh...Yeah! A dogpile!" Mantis exclaimed.

"Oh no-" Hideki muttered as a huge number of robots and two mutants leapt at him "...Ow..."

* * *

Back at...wherever the giant robot battle is being fought, things were getting even more interesting, oh yeah!

"Yagh!" Chase cried as a stray blast sent him flying.

"Hey! They got that dumbass Chase!" Goldbug exclaimed.

"Come on men, let's go get 'im!" Search Light cried

"Fool! Have you the brain worms?-! We shall surely be killed!" Wide Load...uh, screeched...man, I am running out of descriptive...sound...make-y...words...

And with that, the Throttlebots all transformed and all raced towards Unicron.

"Eh?" Antagony exclaimed, looking down "Not on my watch you don't! Cataclysm! Follow me!"

"Yes sir, oh captain my sub-sub-captain!" Cataclysm agreed.

Swooping down, the pair opened fire on the Throttlebots.

First to go was Wide Load, who exploded quite spectacularly, next was Rollbar, and then Freeway, leaving only Goldbug and Search Light left.

"Quick Transform!" Goldbug commanded as he returned to robot mode, leaping as he did so and pulling out two chained blades which had somehow attached themselves to his wrists.

PRESS X

Goldbug slashed at Cataclysm, violently ripping him in half and apparently turning him into...red, or something, which Goldbug quickly absorbed.

"Not fair...not fair...when will _New Beast Wars _get an update damn yooooooooooouuuuuu!"

TRIANGLE

Goldbug then turned his attention to Antagony, and punched her as he flew towards her, before he started to grapple with her.

SQUARE

Punch!

SQUARE

Punch!

SQUARE SOME MORE

Punch!

SQUARE BITCH

Punch! And with that, Antagony's jaw was shattered and she was sent crash landing, bouncing off of Unicron's kneecap before slamming into the ground.

PRESS X-NO! NOT CIRCLE!

Too late! Goldbug fumbled and was then swept aside by one of Unicron's big mighty hands...of might. Goldbug was promptly sent flying, only to have his landing softened when he crushed Dirge, killing him instantly. Goldbug on the other hand, walked away completely unscathed.

Back on the ground, Thundercracker and Hauler were back to back, surrounded by Legion.

"Think you can handle this many?" Hauler asked, weapon raised.

"Well...Might be tough if one more shows up." Thundercracker replied.

"Then that'll have to be the one I take care of!" Hauler joked.

"What, you're fighting too?" Thundercracker asked teasingly.

The Legion suddenly charged, and the two began firing rapidly, cutting down many Legion, even forming a little barricade of Legion corpses as they did. Kicking things up a notch, the two leapt into the crowd, pulled out their melee weapons and kicked the absolute crud out of the disgusting, mysterious and somehow unsettling white liquid drooling robots.

Not far away, Inferno was torching many of the Legion drones with his friendly napalm, killing many. Suddenly, New Wave Bossa Nova and even more jumped him, completely surrounding him.

"Right, lesson one, ahem..." Inferno said, stopping to clear his throat "I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE AND I BRING YOU FIRE!"

With that, Inferno whipped out his napalm hose and quickly spun around, melting the drones with frightening speed.

"Oh God! I'm melting!" One particularly unfortunate drone asked as he lay in a puddle of what once had been Bob and his own legs.

"Now bow down before your God!" Inferno commanded.

Looking around, scared, the remaining drones and New Wave Bossa Nova all dropped down to one knee. And suddenly, pillars of fire erupted out from under them, killing all but a dozen. The survivors looked on in fear and confusion.

Inferno grinned "Yeah, I can create fire with my mind now...SUCH IS THE POWER OF THE GOD OF HELLFIRE!"

It was at this point that New Wave Bossa Nova began to wave a tiny flag reading "INFERNO YAY!"

Yet another short distance away, Blaster and Soundwave were fighting of yet some more Legion, but quickly found themselves fighting side by side.

"STATEMENT: NEED SOME BACKUP." Soundwave announced.

"Team up?" Blaster asked.

"INDIFFERENCE: EH, SURE, WHY NOT?"

"Go Eject! Flipsides! Slamdance! Playback! Ramhorn! Rewind! Rosanna! Steeljaw! Sundor! Dial! Saur! Graphy! Noise! Blackcat! Eject!"

"EJECT RUMBLE, FRENZY, RAVAGE, RATBAT, ENEMY, LASERBEAK, GARBOIL, BUZZSAW, HOWLBACK, GLIT, BEASTBOX, SQUAWKTALK, OVERKILL, SLUGFES, AUTOSCOUT! EJECT!"

Ravage rowled, properly translated, it would have sounded something like this "Let's kill these freaks!"

Autoscout honked his horn ("Yes, let's!")

("Charge!") Dial roared.

"Did you know that I can kick your ass!" Eject snarled as he kicked a Legion drone in the head.

Sundor...screeched ("I call dibs on their eyes!")

And so it quickly devolved into a free for all, all sides hacking and slashing at each other, hell, Soundwave even got to use that chain gun on his shoulder for once. As Noise and Steeljaw tore into one very unlucky drone, Ratbat, Graphy, Sundor and Buzzsaw led an aerial assault. Ramhorn even impaled a guy.

It was cool.

* * *

Back at the amusement park...

"He is too strong!" Cobra exclaimed.

"Run!" Dimitri cried as the pair ran off...

...Only to be stopped by a well thrown bola, roping the two up.

Nicodemus lay in the rubble of a Test O' Strength tower and his own floaty...hovery...thing.

"I surrender..." He muttered weakly, before fainting.

Hideki dusted his hands off "Well, that settles that, now, back to fun!"

Hideki turned...to see Riker holding a knife to Roxanne's throat, who, inexplicably, had a bored look on her face.

"You! Back off or she gets it!" Riker snapped.

Hideki looked confused "Why didn't you just run off while I was busy with the Demon Squid?"

Now Riker looked confused "Um...Shit! I've been around that idiot way too long! He's starting to rub off on me!"

"Yeah, I know what you mean, when I was with the Offbeats, it was all I could do to keep me sane." Hideki replied.

Riker sighed "Always the way isn't it? Intellectuals surrounded by idiots.

Hideki nodded "True...so, are you going to let Roxanne go?"

"Are you going to let _me _go?"

"Nope."

"Oh...well then no!"

It was at this point that Roxanne spoke up "Excuse me, but can I just interject here?"

Riker once more looked confused and lowered the knife slightly "Uh...go ahead..."

"Thank you." Roxanne suddenly stepped behind Riker and rammed her elbow into his stomach, sending him sprawling.

"...Ow..."

Hideki looked surprised "Wow, that was...wow."

Roxanne smiled "Thanks, I took some self defence classes a few years back."

Hideki chuckled "Evidently they were very useful...you know, it's funny, he tried the exact same thing on Jenny once..."

"And how did that go?" Roxanne asked.

"Oh, she crushed his foot by stomping on it." Hideki replied.

Roxanne giggled "Nice."

"So...now that that's out of the way...wanna get a soda or something?"

* * *

And...end of part 2. Yeah, originally this was all going to be one big chapter, but it was taking way too long and I couldn't stay focused, so it's going to be in three halves, sorry! Next chapter however, is going to be a Q&A, so be sure to think up some questions for me, K? From stuff to plots, to characters to scrapped ideas, ask away, either in reviews or PMs.

Errol: May I finish please?

Go ahead.

Errol: Thank you. Ahem, we hope that you have enjoyed this chapter of They Just Don't Care Anymore, please don't forget to leave a nice review now that you're done, and finally...thanks for reading! Bye!

* * *

Aboard the _Massive..._

Purple jolted out of his nap"Wha-? Are we still here?"

Red snorted "Yeah, so much for resolution, huh?"

Purple muttered something about damn lazy authors and went back to sleep.

"Oh, and just to be clear here, we're on the bridge here, and Purple is napping while...uh, floating, or whatever they do, so, don't get any ideas shippers!" A navigator snapped, turning to the camera.


	41. Special Features:Promos, Q&As, Deletions

__

Hello, and welcome to the...mildly anticipated Q&A chapter of TJDCA! Yay. Anyway, as I didn't get as many questions as I would have liked (Curse you ego for making me think this was much more popular than what is! Curse you!) I'll be padding this out with deleted and alternate scenes, plus some teasers...and some I just plain forgot...yeah. So, thank you for reading, don't forget to review and thanks for choosing They Just Don't Care Anymore, oh, and don't forget to spread the word about this...adequate story! Thanks!

Oh! And I own, nussink! Nussink!

* * *

Jenny: Ahem! Hi there, me and Sparky here...

Sparky: Yo.

Jenny: Will be your hosts for this evening, m'kay?

Sparky: Let's get this over with...

Jenny: Don't be so mean!

Sparky: I have tickets to _The Green Hornet_, I really wanna get out of here.

Jenny: Oh, you just know that movie's gonna suck!

Sparky: The hell it will! Seth Rogen is a comedic God!...Or at least better than that psychotic douchebag ewe boll!

Jenny: Uh...who?

Sparky: You know, ewe boll, the guy who makes the crappiest movies in existence and challenges his critics to boxing matches...well, the ones who can't actually fight that is, he wussed out when a real man was gonna him.

Jenny: Okaaaaaay...anyway, let the questions begin!

Sparky: Question one comes from 9aza, who asks "Why did we decide to work with the Author?""

Jenny: Good question! Well, ya see, back when me, Sparky, Demi, Hideki, Vlad and Gauntlet-

Sparky: And that freak Aku...

Jenny: Yeah, and Aku, had left the Offbeats, we kinda had nowhere to go, until Gauntlet noticed this flier looking for applicants to an exciting new job! So, we showed up, met the Author-

Sparky: Who performed _We Are the Champions _for some reason.

Jenny: And so we joined.

Crystal: As for me and James, we had just left out own group, because a certain _someone _kept trying to get the position of leader when we already had one!

James: I would have made a much better leader...besides, you were only a part time member, it wasn't really worth being there if you weren't.

Crystal: Aw, that's sweet...I mean, uh, we saw the flier too, and so we signed up.

Errol: After I...eliminated my former friend Simon, I knew I could never go back, my old friends could never understand just what I had done, or what I had become...I would be nothing more than a freak to them...an animal...

The Traitors/Aqua: Eh, he brought most of us back to life, so we felt we owed him...

Ember: Until I led that coup.

Lisa; I was with the Author from the start, with two others, his advisor, Somenamelessguy, and Marlow, his bodyguard. When the group was officially started, he got rid of Marlow and the other guy, and that was how we all came together.

Jenny: Yep! One big happy family!

Ashlyn: Yeah, real happy.

Jenny: Shush!

Sparky: Right, next question, this one is from Wannabe Starscream, who asks the following questions "Why do you keep bashing Starscream's ghost and Dirge?" and "Why can't we have an episode where everyone else dies/ runs off?""

Jenny: Well Wannabe Starscream, the Author feels that Starscream's ghost is such a great target because of his funny voice!

Sparky: Wait, wait, wait...Starscream's ghost is a dude?

Jenny: You know he is!

Sparky: As for Dirge, the Author noticed that he...really, really sucks when it comes to...well, not dying. For example, in his career, he has been eaten by dinosaurs, shot by Tracks, beaten up by Beachcomber and Seaspray, crashing into a swamp, kidnapped and drained by the Combaticons, actually flying INTO Unicron's mouth in some bizarre and really badly thought out plan, explodes after crashing into a _building _and blown up by Cobra Commander! God! So much for natural selection Darwin, if dumbasses like Dirge can keep getting back up!

Jenny: Ahem, moving on, as to why we don't try something where everyone except those two die and/or run away...Well, uh...that would just be silly!

Sparky: That's not really answer.

Jenny: yeah it is.

Sparky: No, no it's not.

Jenny: Are we going to continue this, or do I have to hurt you?

Sparky: You wouldn't-Argh!

It was at that point that Jenny clutched Sparky's hand with almost enough force to break it.

Jenny: Uncle?

Sparky: Ah! Yes! Uncle! Uncle!

Jenny: Good, now, for our last batch of questions, we have ABSOLute Chimera's queries of: "May I hug Galvatron? MayMayMayMay I?", "Sideways, cool horns, where do you get them?" and finally "Cyclonus and Jazz, as the only sane mechs there, do you feel lonely some times?" Well, unfortunately, we can't answer those questions...so we'll go straight to the people who can! Galvatron?

Galvatron:...No...

Jenny: Oh, please?

Galvatron: No!

Jenny: Sigh. One second.

Galvatron: Ouch! Ooh! Nooooo!

Jenny: Whoo...Ok, I'm back! Galvatron, you're reply?

Galvatron: Y-y-yes...

Jenny: Thank you!

Sparky: Uh, Sideways?

Sideways: Thanks! Well, I get my horns at S-Mart! Remember, shop smart, shop S-Mart!...They pay me to say that...

Ash: And here's your cheque.

Sparky: Oh, hey, cool! I love S-Mart!

Ash: Good to hear, but if you ever shop anywhere else, me and my boomstick will come and take care of you!

Sparky: Ulp...Moving on...

Jenny: Jazz, Cyclonus, your answers please.

Inferno: I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE!

Mixmaster: I am the Mixmaster! The whole world is my game! Is this the real world, or is it just my game? ! Probably, yes!

Starscream's ghost: Waaaa!

Hot Rod: Bow to me! Booooooooow!

Rumble: And Air Raid is still the Canadian chick!

Cyclonus: Oh yes, oh so very lonely.

Jazz:...

Sparky: Ahem, well...sadly, that is the last of our Q's and A's, so...bring on the promos!

* * *

Vlad whirled around in the solitary hallway, sure he heard something. Finding nothing, he turned to make his way forward-

"Hi!"

"Gah!" Vlad exclaimed, falling backwards.

Standing over him was a dark haired feminine figure clad entirely in black, black top, black skirt, black choker. Vlad noted that she looked somewhat similar to that Japanese speaking catgirl that Sparky and In-Su often drooled over.

The girl in front of him giggled "Clumsy, aren't we?"

"Y-you're last year's winner...M-M-M-" Vlad stuttered, struggling to find words.

"Mia." She replied, drawing out the word "And you're with those other guys right? The blonde guy, the demon girl, etc, etc, right?"

"Y-yeah..." Vlad answered "W-what are you? I've only ever seen one person move as fast as you."

"I assume you mean the guy in the long black coat with the long black hair in your group? Well, ya see, I have demon blood in me, I'm half shadow demon, that guy in your group is a full blooded shadow demon, so I have most of the powers, but none of the psycho!" Mia replied.

"Oh...Aku, that's his name." Vlad replied.

"So, why don't you take of the goggles and scarf?" Mia asked, peering closely.

"Uh, what?" Vlad asked.

"Well, they kinda obscure your face." Mia answered.

"Oh, uh...I kinda prefer having them on..."

She shrugged "Suit yourself then...actually, they make you look kinda cute."

At this, Vlad could only blush.

* * *

Sparky couldn't believe it. His face was a mask of shock and horror, and his right eye constantly twitched. Jenny meanwhile, had somehow managed to perform the Anime movement of sweat dropping.

"I don't believe it..." Sparky muttered.

"Wow...she really has a thing for you, doesn't she?" Jenny asked.

A short distance away, Lisa and the Author were also watching the performance...the Author seemed dazed.

"Snap out of it!" Lisa exclaimed, snapping her fingers in front of the Author's face.

"Huh...sorry...I was just remembering that episode of...God Rachael was sexy in that frog costume...and those bangs!"

In response, Lisa smacked the back of his head.

* * *

Standing backstage, Sparky and James both stared forward intently.

"You think you can keep up, "cous?"" James asked, leaning his head to the side slightly.

Sparky chuckled "Oh yeah, I'd be more worried about you little man."

James bristled "Well, I guess we'll just have to see who's the better singer."

Sparky smirked "Yeah...and may the best man win."

"AND HERE THEY COME EVERYONE, IN THE DUET YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR...SPARKY MONTGOMERY AND JAMES BITTERS!" The announcer's voice blared over the cheering crowd.

James walked forward "Oh, don't worry, I intend to."

Stepping out onto the stage, James turned to face his expectant audience.

_Every time that I look in the mirror  
All these lines on my face getting clearer  
The past is gone  
It went by, like dusk to dawn  
Isn't that the way  
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay_

Taking his cue, Sparky came forward and began his part.

_Yeah, I know nobody knows  
Where it comes and where it goes  
I know it's everybody's sin  
You got to lose to know how to win _

Half my life  
Is in books' written pages  
Lived and learned from fools and  
From sages  
You know it's true  
All the things come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the year  
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tears  
Sing with me, if it's just for today  
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away, yeah

Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year  
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear  
Sing with me, if it's just for today  
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Dream On Dream On Dream On  
Dream until the dream come true  
Dream On Dream On Dream On  
Dream until your dream comes true  
Dream On Dream On Dream On  
Dream On Dream On  
Dream On Dream On

Sing with me, sing for the year  
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear  
Sing with me, if it's just for today  
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away  
Sing with me, sing for the year  
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear  
Sing with me, if it's just for today  
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away...

As the two finished, the crowd burst into applause.

* * *

A young woman jumped through the portal. Sparky noted that she had long red hair, a fringe covered her right eye and a strangely familiar face.

"Uh...who are you?" Sparky asked.

"Good question, it has a confusing answer...I'm your daughter from another dimension." The woman replied.

"Um...what?" A shocked Sparky asked.

"You heard me, I'm from another dimension where you and Ashlyn are my parents."

Ashlyn looked shocked at first, then began to retch.

"Thanks very much Ashlyn.." Sparky muttered.

"Wait, what?" Jenny exclaimed "Well, what about me?"  
"You married Max."

"Children?"

"A daughter."

"Ugh...are you our only child?" Ashlyn asked, standing up.

"Uh..."

Suddenly, two more portals burst open and two teenage figures jumped out. One was a blonde girl who greatly resembled a younger Ashlyn, but with a cheerier face, the other looked like a smaller Sparky, with shorter hair.

"Those are them now."

* * *

Jenny:...

Sparky:...

Jenny: Um...moving on...Deleted...scenes...

* * *

In the base's rec room, Sparky walked in to see Aku watching TV.

"Uh, whatcha watching?" Sparky asked hesitantly.

Aku grinned "A little show called Candle Cove, it's a fascinating show that was done in the early seventies with marionettes."

Sparky peered closely at the screen "...There's only static..."

Aku's grin stretched even wider "To you perhaps."

Sparky shuddered.

* * *

In the base's rec room, Sparky walked in to see Aku watching TV.

"Uh, whatcha watching?" Sparky asked hesitantly.

Aku grinned "A little continuation of a show called Candle Cove, it was a fascinating show that was done in the early seventies with marionettes...the newer version is just as...fascinating."

Sparky peered closely at the screen...

_Pst...Hey, flapjack. Come with me, we'll go and see, a place called Candied Island._

_Who needs candied island? It's safer at the docks. _

But there ain't sea of soda pop, no drippin' down the rocks.

It's dangerous and risky.

But adventurous and free!

Adventure that's the life for me.

There's lollipop trees and a lemonade sea!

Doesn't sound very good to me.

The Misadventures of...

_Flapjack!_

Sparky shuddered.

* * *

Crystal walked in on Sparky, Errol, Hideki and In-Su staring intently at the TV.

"Hey guys, what are you-?" Crystal began.

"Sssh!" Sparky...shushed "We're watching the _Douchebag of The Year Awards_!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, for being a completely psychotic asshole, a pissy little coward who runs away when his opponents aren't inexperienced midgets and a director of God awful films, I hereby award ewe boll this year's Douchebag of the year award!" The host announced, holding up the not so coveted, Golden Douche.

_Douchebag_

_He's the Douchebag of The Year!_

_Now, ain't he great folks?_

_Ain't he grand?_

_He's the Douchebag of The Year!_

_Douchebag!  
He's Mister Douchebag!_

_Of the year!  
Look at him smile!_

_Look at him shine!  
__He's the Douchebag of_

_The Douchebag of The Year!_

_

* * *

_

Crystal leaned into the auditorium to see that James was practicing for Minion Idol.

_Perfect _she thought _With any luck, he'll never even know that I'm gone! This'll give me plenty of time to find him the perfect gift!_

_

* * *

_

Crystal rushed forward "Hi , Mr. Carrel! Thank you so much for

It was at this point that Crystal punched him "That's for_ Evan Almighty _you son of a bitch!"

* * *

"...Combine to form-!" Leozack cried out, only to be quickly cut off.

"Hannah Minx?" An Autobot joked.

"Oh you guys are dicks!" Jarugar exclaimed.

* * *

Jenny: And there you have it! A little shorter than we would have liked, sorry about that.

Sparky: I still think it went over quite well...so, are we done?

Jenny: Not quite yet sweetie, there's one more thing...

Sparky: Sigh. Alright...

Jenny: We hope that you've enjoyed this edition of...

Both: THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE!

Sparky: Don't forget to review...

Jenny: And finally, of course...

Both: THANKS FOR READING!


	42. The New Arrival AKA More Fighting III

Vlad: Hello all, and welcome to yet another chapter of...They Just Don't Care Anymore! Yay...Anyway, as per the usual, The Author does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters of which you'd normally associate The Transformers...Or any of the other myriad of characters who you'll see in this particular chapter, three of whom came from a delightful little comic called _Pink Chickens _which was sadly cancelled. Oh well. Anyway, with my little introduction out of the way, let's move onto the story, shall we? So, without any further ado, we hope that you enjoy the following story, please don't forget to review and finally...thanks for reading! Bye!

* * *

At the entrance to the Author's headquarters, the Minions, save for Hideki, who was still out, gathered around the Author and the newest recruits.

"Everyone, may I present to you the latest additions to our little group, Mustard Custard, Mucus and Frupert, treat them with the same respect as yada, yada, yada. I'm off to play cane toad golf." The Author told the others.

"Uh, hi." Mustard greeted, a small girl, barely in her teens, if even that, with blue hair, glasses, a pink dress, boots and a green undershirt stood before them, while besides her, a small teddy bear teetered around with wide, bloodshot eyes, a few lobotomy scars and a severe overbite.

Jenny leaned forward until the two were almost nose to nose "So, you're a tech wizard or something right?"

"Yeah, that'd be me." Mustard replied, moving back slightly "I can create anything from an exotasticating emofrogurnboobulator to a toaster oven."

Crystal looked confused "So, you're Mustard, and that little guy is...?"

"Frupert. He's Frupert, he sorta belongs to a friend of mine." Mustard replied, looking down at the deranged looking teddy bear.

"Aw, he's cute!" Aqua gushed as she picked him up and squeezed him.

"Right, so, where's Mucus?" Lisa asked.

"Why shucks, that'd be me!" A voice seemingly coming from Mustard's wrist spoke up "Gosh, it's grrreat to meet you all!"

"Mucus is a ship's onboard AI that I downloaded onto this thing I wear on my wrist...the personality program still has a few quirks to it though." Mustard revealed as she raised her wrist to show off a device.

Sparky, Errol and James looked amazed "Wow, Hideki better watch his back with this kid around." Sparky muttered to James.

"We'd ALL better watch our backs, who's to say the Author doesn't replace the rest of us with super kids like this one?" James whispered back, glaring at Mustard.

"Nah, you're just being paranoid." Sparky replied.

Lisa remained unimpressed by the newcomer and scowled "Alright then, so who's going to give her the tour?"

The Minions looked around.

"Absolutely not." Aku said when James looked at him.

"Well I don't wanna do it!" James exclaimed.

"Me neither! Tour duty suuuuuuuuucks!" Gauntlet whined.

"Um...I'm right here you know." Mustard spoke up.

Lisa sighed and reached into her pocket "Alright, we'll draw straws for it, shortest straw has to babysit the newbies."

"Literally standing right in front of you." Mustard pointed out.

"Make sure I get a long one." Errol whispered to Lisa, who nodded in response.

* * *

One straw drawing later...

"...And this, as you'll see is the bar, which, um, I guess you're too young to be in." Vlad pointed out.

"Well, thanks for pointing it out then." Mustard muttered, then paused "So, are all the others so...inhospitable?"

Vlad shrugged "Well, apart from Jenny and Aqua, pretty much, at first anyway. You'll probably like Crystal when she warms up to you, and Sparky and my brother can be pretty funny."

Mustard looked down "Hmmm...Where's Frupert?"

At that point, Aqua came strolling down the corridor, throwing Frupert up in the air and catching him "Whee! Oh, hi guys! Whee!"

Mustard chuckled.

* * *

Outside the Autobots base...

"Eep!" Ramjet cried as a blow from Sideways sent him flying.

"Hey! No prissy little loser from _Armada _can get away with thrashing a Conehead! Come on Dirge! Let's go get 'im!" Thrust exclaimed.

"Yeah, let's get 'im!" Dirge agreed.

Fourteen seconds later, Dirge was missing a head, and Thrust suddenly found that it had found its way into his chest.

"First you see us!" _Armada _Thrust exclaimed before he and his mini-con turned invisible "Then you don't!"

"What the hell?" Hook asked, before he was punched in the back "Oof!"

"Now you hear us...and now you won't!" Thrust whispered, before a barrage of shots blasted Mixmaster away.

"Hey! Cut that out!" Smokescreen cried.

"Now you feel us..." Dirge added, before Smokescreen felt a powerful kick to the jaw "...Now you can't!" Dirge followed up with a blow to celiac plexus...which he actually did feel...a lot...good God he was in agony.

"Are we real?" Thrust asked as he shimmered in and out of visibility "Perhaps we aren't!" Thrust cried out in a kind of psychotic glee as he vaporised a number of Sweeps out of existence with a ridiculously massive ball of energy "It's our secret of survival bitches!"

"I'm scared! Hold me!" Starscream's ghost squealed as he clutched at Hoist.

"Get the hell off of me, you little freak!" Hoist exclaimed, before pulled out a massive gun "Time to use that move I learned from _Beast Wars: Transmetals!_ Now let's see...I think you just press and hold Z...or B, either one..."

Soon, a massive ball of energy had charged up, eclipsing _Armada_ Thrust and an oblivious Sideways, who was busy pummelling Soundwave into the ground.

"Uh oh..." _Armada _muttered in horror, his nonexistent pupils shrinking down to pinpricks...and then the blast was upon him, Thrust and Soundwave.

"Ahahaha! Unavoidable, quickly charging mega attack, _bitches!_" Hoist taunted.

As the dust cleared, a blackened and smoking Thrust coughed weakly "Every creature for survival has to look out for itself...Oooh..."

THUD!

Not far away, Cog was running from a massive group of Legion, when he suddenly found himself completely surrounded.

"Prepare for some very disturbing shots of our phallic looking tongues and highly suspect drool!" A Legion drone cried out his big, hard, veiny...tongue flapping to and fro.

Cog glanced up and smiled maliciously "Oh, I don't think so freaks!"

"And why is that?" The drone asked.

In response, Cog pointed up, and the drones followed his gaze to see...

..."HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HELLO! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN!"

The Legion drones screamed out in horror as the massive form of Fortress Maximus came hurtling towards them. The drones behind Cog ran off as the ones in front of him were crushed and scraped when the ship came crashing down on top of them...to stop only just short of Cog.

"Heh, good lunatic Fortress Maximus!" Cog said happily, patting the ship on the bow.

From up above-

_And from beneath!_

Cut that out! _Armada _Thrust is dead now!

_Yes sir, sorry sir..._

Right, no more interruptions? No? Good! From up above, Megabolt was surveying the scene with displeasure, this was not going at all the way that he had planned it to.

"Oh Unicron damn it!" Megabolt sighed "A fat lot of good you are!" Megabolt shouted, turning to Unicron and shaking his fist "Come on! Smite them, O mighty...Smiter!"

Unicron stared blankly ahead.

Megabolt scowled "You're more worthless than _Evan Almighty_!"

In response, Unicron blasted him using the Bridge cannon.

* * *

Back at the amusement park, Hideki and Roxanne were enjoying the Ferris wheel.

"Pretty nice view, huh?" Roxanne asked with a smile.

Hideki returned it "Yeah, it's really great."

Suddenly, a thin, metal tentacle wrapped itself around the safety bar and began reeling itself in.

"What the-?" Hideki asked, before tanned young man with a head full of bristling metal spikes was launched in front of him.

"Bleh!" Nick cried as he landed on the safety bar, the tentacle quickly changing back to his right arm "Hello losers! Fancy seein' you here!"

Hideki sighed in annoyance, almost as if he had run into an annoying friend "Hello Nick..."

Roxanne frowned "You! You're that creep who kidnapped me!"

Nick smiled "Sure am! How ya been?" Not waiting for an answer, he turned to face Hideki "I'm still kinda mad at being, well, blown up, but I'm sure I could get over that if I were to, say, beat the tar out of you."

Hideki gripped the safety bar tightly "I'd like to see you try, there's just one of you!"

"Nuh uh! See, I brought backup!" Nick taunted.

Hideki leaned down to see a red blur streak into the amusement park.

"Heyhowareya,whatchadoin'?" Chase asked as he zipped up the Ferris wheel.

"I'm here too." A pale individual greeted as he surged upwards, carried by a pillar of water.

"Ricky!" Hideki spat.

"So, are we going to fight, or are we going to stand here all day talking?" Nick asked as his metal hair waved around impatiently.

Hideki turned to Roxanne "Wait here, I'll deal with these losers!"

Roxanne nodded hesitantly. Turning back to Sparky's old enemies, Hideki suddenly leapt forward.

* * *

Back in the Author's base, Vlad was wrapping up Mustard's tour.

"...And here is your room, you'll need to archive your fingerprints and retinal scan so you can enter." Vlad explained.

"Impressive." Mustard mused as she inspected the tech "So, is that it then?"

Vlad hesitated before he answered "...Yeah, that's pretty much it..."

"What was with that pause?" Mustard queried.

Vlad was glad that he was wearing tinted goggles, otherwise she would have seen his darting eyes "Oh, it's nothing, really...Um, I have some business to attend to, so, I'll just leave you to working out the retinal scanner, bye!"

And with that, he left, darting off down the corridor...

...To run straight into the other Minions.

"So, did you initiate her yet?" Ashlyn asked.

"Um, no, but-" Vlad began.

Gauntlet sighed "Come on bro, you know that we all had to go through that frankly horrific initiation thing, so she should too!"

"Yeah" James added "You need to show her...The Fic!"

"Dun, dun, dun dun!" Sparky provided.

"But...she's twelve, I'm not sure that this is a good idea..." Vlad pointed out.

Ashlyn scoffed "Oh please, we showed it to Aqua, and she seems just fine!"

Vlad glanced over to Aqua, to see her sitting on the ground, her arms wrapped around her legs, which she had pulled up to her chest while she rocked back and forth "Never sleep again...never sleep again...never sleep again..." She chanted, staring wide eyed at nothing in particular as Frupert began doing the cancan beside her.

"See? Fine." Ashlyn reassured.

Vlad looked horrified "Oh come on! Surely I can't be the only one who thinks this is horrible!"

Jenny, Aqua and the very reluctant pair consisting of Errol and Crystal stepped forward.

Ashlyn sighed "Fine, if that's the way that it's going to be...Aku, whose side are you on?"

Aku snorted "The corruption of the young and the innocent? I am of course aligned with you."

Everyone except for Ashlyn was distinctly unnerved by that particular comment.

"Excellent." Ashlyn said with a small smile.

* * *

Back outside of the Autobots base, the battle was still raging...some more.

Warpath stood on a hillock, blasting away Legion drones with his chest cannon as Sunstreaker utilised his Diamond Powered Death Laser, carving huge swathes into their number...also, the ground, he was carving into that too.

"Die Autobot scum...and, Decepticon scum too...I-I guess...Die!" Rartorata cried as he opened fire on his foes.

"Retaliate! Fire, fire, fire!" Slugslinger shouted as he, Misfire and Triggerhappy took to the skies and returned fire on the hideous Unicron spawn.

"Eh oh..." Rartorata whispered before being blow to high hell by Slugslinger and Triggerhappy...meanwhile, Misfire's shots all veered wildly off course and struck Dirge, killing him instantly.

Hound, Bluestreak and two Sweeps meanwhile, were dealing with the very stealthy and dangerously competent Drancron.

"Get 'im! Get 'im!" Hound cried as Drancron ran circles around them without making any noise.

"Ee-urk!" One unfortunate Sweep exclaimed as Drancron appeared behind him and used his massively oversized claw to snip his head off.

"Screw this man!" The other sweep cried, before turning to run.

"Nobody flees, nobody escapes." Drancron whispered as he then proceeded to fire his claw at the Sweep.

"Whyyyyyyyyyyyy? !" The Sweep cried as the claw caught him in its iron embrace and cut him into two pieces.

Drancron turned to Hound and Bluestreak "Now...for you."

Hound and Bluestreak opened fire on Drancron, who managed to dodge each shot with frightening ease. Bluestreak began to sob in fright as Drancron raised his second head...slash hand cannon...which I just made up...

"Argh!" Drancron grunted as Thundercracker tackled him from behind.

"Only room for one badass ninja esque character in these parts stranger!" Thundercracker exclaimed as he threw a handful of kunai at the dazed Unicron spawn...

...Only for it to turn into a log with a scroll on it.

"Wow, I guess he is a ninja..." Bluestreak muttered as Drancron appeared behind Thundercracker.

"Die...some more...I-I guess...die!" The badly wounded but still quite alive Rartorata shouted as he fired a barrage of...ahem "Ceremonial rapid fire poison arrows". Now isn't that a mouthful?

Instead of hitting their intended target, Thundercracker grabbed Drancron and threw him into their path, creating a spectacular explosion.

"Wow, this fight sure is gonna be epic!" Bluestreak exclaimed as he reached for the popcorn.

"Chep." Hound agreed.

And the epic fight begins No-!

Meanwhile, Omega Supreme, Devastator and the Lynx half of Sky Lynx were teaming up to tackle the biggest of all the Unicron spawn yet, the gargantuan Elephorca.

"PREPARE FOR AN ASSKICKING!" Devastator thundered.

"I CONCUR!" Omega Supreme agreed.

Lynx...Lynx just tried to rip Elephorca's throat out.

"DIE LOSERS!" Elephorca shouted as he punched Lynx, blasted Devastator and used a rocket punch to send Omega Supreme flying.

"Geroni-do-run-run-roni-MOOOO!"

"EH?" Elephorca asked, looking up...

...To see Wreck-Gar and dozens of Junkions about to land right on top of him...just what the hell they had launched themselves off of is a complete mystery.

"HE'S DISTRACTED! GET HIM!" Devastator shouted as he, Lynx and Omega Supreme opened fire, burning the massive Herald of Unicron to a crisp.

A stone's throw away, the Computrons and the Stunticons were working together to hold off a swarm of Legion and Shokaract while Lightspeed and Dead End analyzed Unicron for weaknesses.

"Scanning...scanning...sca-" Lightspeed muttered to himself.

"Jesus! Will you quit with the scanning and find out his damn weakness?-!" Wildrider snapped as he tore a Legion drone's head clean off with a point blank blast of laser fire.

"This isn't exactly an easy process Wildrider, it's incredibly complicated." Dead End pointed out.

"Foolish, doomed creatures! The fires of a living God beat at my dark heart! The end of everything is upon us, the long night of oblivion beckons...for you ALL!...and you in particular." Shokaract exclaimed as he tore away at the hastily constructed barricade that the group had set up around the base.

In response to this, Strafe and Breakdown fired wildly, striking him several times.

"That's some nice panicked shooting there boys." Scattershot complimented, placing his hand on Breakdown's shoulder...who promptly turned around and blasted Scattershot.

"Not too smart, eh?" Motormaster asked.

"Did not think that one through."

"They're breaking through!" Afterburner cried as Shokaract converted into tank mode and began tearing into their barricade.

"Oh, you are gonna pay for shooting me, so very, very much!" Shokaract threatened.

"Oh...this is gonna suck..." Drag Strip muttered to himself as he cocked his rifle in preparation...

...Just as Blast Off and Vortex carpet bombed Shokaract and the Legion at the front, sending them flying all across the battlefield.

"Vortex! Oh man, I never thought I'd be so glad to see you, ya psychotic bastard!" Nosecone exclaimed.

Blast off and Vortex exchanged glances, before simultaneously blasting Nosecone.

"Oops, my finger slipped." Vortex muttered to his shocked comrades.

"Yeah, mine too." Blast Off added.

"Aha! Got it!" Lightspeed exclaimed.

"Report!" Scattershot ordered.

"Unicron is being is gaining energy from a Central Power Core located in the centre of his body, if we were to reach it, then we would be able to shut him down." Dead End replied.

* * *

Back at the amusement park, Chase and Nick lay groaning in a heap as the weakened Hideki and Ricky stared each other down.

"So...I guess this is it then...two titans fighting mano y mano." Ricky said.

Hideki snorted "Don't flatter yourself, you're a murderer, a rapist and a pathetic freak of nature."

Ricky scowled "And what makes you think you're better than me?"

Hideki sighed and rolled his eyes "Well, for one thing, I'm not standing on a live electrical wire."

Ricky looked down, and then glanced up to see that Hideki was known brandishing a finely sharpened shuriken "Aw, fu-!"

Hideki threw the shuriken, and allowed a small smile of satisfaction as it struck the wire, electrocuting Ricky.

"I'm sure Sparky would approve." Hideki muttered as he handcuffed Chase and Nick and threw a bola at Ricky, before making his way back to Roxanne "Sorry about that."

Roxanne sighed "It's ok, it's not like you have any control over all of this."

Hideki glanced at his feet "I guess not, but I still feel kinda bad about all this."

Roxanne took his hand "Forget about it. We came here to relax and have fun, what do ya say we do just that?"

Hideki smiled "Sure, but better do it fast before some other freak comes along...I just hope it's not someone really weird, like...I dunno, Steven Dennet."

Roxanne blinked "Who's Steven Dennet?"

Hideki shrugged "He looks like a homeless Johnny Depp...but with Aku's powers."

* * *

Back at the Author's base...

"Hi Vlad." Mustard greeted, only for him to roughly grab her arm and drag her along with him "Wha-?"

"Follow me, you're in serious trouble at the moment, so we need to get you somewhere safe." Vlad told her.

"I'm in danger? Oh no, it's not a guy with yellow and red eyes and a lot of stubble, is it? Because-" Mustard began.

"Uh, not quite, it's a little complicated." Vlad replied.

Mustard frowned "Well what is it then?"

"Well...my brother...and Sparky...and Ashlyn" Vlad frowned "In fact, _especially _Ashlyn."

"Can you please be clear about this? You're so annoyingly vague." Mustard pointed out.

Vlad contemplated whether he should be honest or not "Um...well..."

Mustard glared at him "Spit it out already!"

"Well, there's this thing that we do with all new recruits, where e make them read this fanfic..." Vlad explained.

"That doesn't sound so bad." Mustard replied.

Vlad shook his head "You don't understand, this isn't just any fic, it's a horrible, horrible fic filled with all sorts of stuff that'll make you want to make you wish that you never learned to read in the first place!"

Mustard whistled "Wow, that does sound bad...nevertheless, I think I can handle it."

Vlad grimaced "No, you can't. Trust me on that."

Mustard opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted.

"Attention peeps! I thought I'd just let you know that we're being surrounded by about a five individuals, and boy are their angry levels high!" Mucus piped up.

"Well, so much for stealth." Aku muttered as he leapt through the wall.

"Give us the girl." Ashlyn commanded as she and Sparky stepped out from around the corner.

"Oh come on, can't we work this out? Please?" Vlad asked.

"Nope, we all read it, so she has to as well!" Gauntlet replied.

"But she's twelve! There's no way she can-!" Vlad began.

"Rgh! Enough! I'm not a kid, I think I can handle it!" Mustard snapped, yanking her arm from Vlad's grasp.

"But-!" Vlad started, only to be interrupted again.

"Don't say a word! I'm going to read this fic, and then you're all going to drop this, got it?" Mustard asked, turning to face the other Minions.

"Sounds fine to us." Sparky replied, before whispering to Ashlyn "Wow, this kid's got guts."

In response, Ashlyn glared at Sparky, causing him to flinch.

"Um, alright then...come with us!" James ordered as he and Gauntlet flanked Mustard.

* * *

One fic reading later...

Jenny, Vlad, Aqua, Frupert, Errol and Crystal stood outside the computer room nervously, waiting for Mustard to reappear. Crystal shot James a glare as he came to unlock the door.

"How the hell could you do this?" Crystal hissed.

James looked nervous "Look, we all had to do this, there shouldn't be any exceptions..."

Crystal shot him a withering death glare that made him flinch "She's twelve! Grown men shouldn't have to read this!"

James glanced down at his feet, before unlocking the door. Mustard came out, looking slightly green.

"Mustard? How are you feeling?" Jenny asked nervously as she knelt down beside the newbie.

"Ugh...that was awful..." Mustard moaned as she clutched at her stomach.

"I don't see what the big deal is...but then again, I don't see...period." Mucus muttered.

"So, are you ok?" Errol asked.

Mustard nodded "Yeah, I mean, it was bad, but I'll get over it."

Suddenly, Sparky and Gauntlet came rushing around the corner.

"Alright! She pulled it off!" Sparky exclaimed.

"Welcome to the club, newbie!" Gauntlet added.

"So, you're going to be a little friendlier now?" Mustard asked.

"Oh yeah, sure. Any animosity was only because of the whole initiation thing." Sparky explained.

"Ok then, so let's put it all behind us." Mustard said.

James looked relieved "Glad you're being so understanding about this."

Mustard smiled "Oh, don't worry about it...really."

"Great! Well, we gotta be going now, so...cya around Newbie!" Sparky said as he and Gauntlet walked off.

"You're taking this really well Mustard." Vlad noticed.

"Oh, well, I did do a little something to help me get over this." Mustard said as she inspected a gloved hand.

They all widened their eyes "Mustard...what did you do?" James asked hesitantly.

"Oh my GOD!-!" They all heard Gauntlet scream.

"What the hell is this stuff?-!" Sparky shouted.

* * *

Ashlyn examined her room, which was now covered completely in a slimy green past which smelled of mildew...and allowed herself a small smile.

_This kid has style._

_

* * *

_

Mustard: And that was this week's addition of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Oh yeah, I got them back good, didn't I? That'll teach them not to mess with me. Actually, that was pretty tame compared to what I could have done. I'll let them know that next time they mess with me. Anyway, we hope that you enjoyed this chapter of They Just Don't Care Anymore, this arc will be concluded (hopefully) next chapter. So, again, we hope that you enjoyed, please don't forget to review, and finally...thanks for reading! Bye!

Mucus: And remember to stick tadpoles between your toes! It's grrreat!


	43. Valentine's Day Special

And...welcome to the inexplicable, very late They Just Don't Care Anymore Valentine's Day Special! Yay! I didn't do this when it was actually Valentine's Day because I didn't have any ideas on what to do, but now I do. But, as this is a mini chapter, it'll only feature the Minions, sorry. I own them...well, most of them anyway, I don't own Aqua, Mustard, Frupert and Mucus, the last three are owned by Patrick Alexander, author of Pink Chickens, which you can read online now, and Aqua is owned by...whoever owns MAR (Marchen Awakens Romance, one of the best animes ever!). So, without anything else, please enjoy the following special, please remember to review, and finally...thanks for reading!

* * *

"Hey Sparky! Excited for Valentine's day?" Jenny asked, wearing her special Valentine's day outfit...it was basically the same as her regular outfit...but pink.

From behind the counter, Sparky looked up "Hardly, seeing as how Hideki and me have to make the stupid dinner!"

"Aw, come on! Valentine's day is great! All the love and the caring and gifts, doesn't it warm your heart?"

Sparky shrugged "Not really, no."

Jenny sighed "You are hopeless...but you do value our relationship, right?"

"Of course I do, it's just that this is a stupid day, no different from any of the other stupid days...save for Halloween and Christmas, we can still love each other then." Sparky replied.

It was at this point that James came up to them "Hey guys, have you seen Crystal around?"

Jenny turned to him "Crystal? Yeah, she said she was practicing for Minion Idol in the auditorium."

"What song?" Sparky asked as he carried a stack of plates.

* * *

_Big and Loud!_

_I didn't get where I am today_  
_By letting myself get pushed around!_  
_No man nor beast or kitty-cat or doggy_  
_Is going to drag me down!_

_The lightning will be flashing_  
_The thunder, it will roar_  
_They'll never know what hit 'em_  
_Wait'll they see what I have in store!_

_Big and Loud!_  
_It will be Big and Loud!_  
_When the fall they'll really fall!_  
_And they're gonna fall big!_  
_And they're gonna fall loud!_  
_They're gonna fall big and..._

_LOUD!_

From the seats, Mustard, Aqua and Frupert began to clap.

"Nice Crystal! That was great!" Aqua cheered.

"Yeah, that was good." Mustard added.

Frupert just stared ahead with his huge eyes.

"Thanks guys!" crystal replied as she reached for a bottle of water.

"Crystal! There you are!" James exclaimed as he approached the little group.

"Oh, hey James." Crystal greeted.

"Here, I got you something for Valentine's day." James told her as he brought out a small box.

"Oooh, a very nice looking box, how sweet." Crystal joked.

"Oooh! What's in it? What's in it?" Aqua asked, her eyes aglow with curiosity.

Crystal took the box and opened it to see...

"Oh, wow! This is gorgeous! Thanks James!" Crystal exclaimed as she examined the ring, which had a ruby set in it, before pulling James into a hug "Courtesy of your parents?"

James chuckled "Of course, that thing must have cost a couple thousand, man, I wish I could see the looks on their faces."

Crystal smiled "Nice, you are bad!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Lisa and Errol were setting up the decorations in the dining room.

"So, uh, looking forward to this?" Errol asked as he helped Lisa to lift up a banner.

Lisa shrugged "I dunno, I've had a lot of disappointing Valentine's days in the past."

"Well, I do intend to change that." Errol replied.

Lisa chuckled "Well, you'll need to buy me a lot of chocolate and gifts, and I mean a _lot."_

Errol tsked "Always about the material possessions, why is it that no one remembers the true spirit of Valentine's day?"

Lisa pretended to look puzzled "And what would that be?"

"I dunno, something to do with love, right?" Errol joked.

The two laughed over that.

* * *

Having finished with the cooking, Hideki and Sparky had decided to spend time with their loved ones. While Sparky had taken Jenny out on a ride over the city on his hoverboard, Hideki was with Roxanne.

"Here, this is for you." Roxanne told Hideki as they walked down the halls.

"What is it?" Hideki asked as he took the gift wrapped box.

Roxanne shrugged "Open it and find out."

Hideki pulled off the wrapping to find...

Hideki gasped in surprise "A DVD of _Neon Genesis Evangelion _autographed by Hideaki Anno?-!"

"Yep, you wouldn't believe how hard it was to-" She was promptly cut off when Hideki surprised hugged her.

"You are the...greatest...sweetest...girlfriend ever!" Hideki exclaimed.

"Wow, I'm guessing that I got you the right gift then?"

* * *

In the rec room, Ashlyn was leaning on a wall, staring into space when Jenny came in.

"Hey Ashlyn, excited about Valentine's day?" Jenny called out.

"Not really." Ashlyn replied in her usual deadpan voice.

"Aw, come on, there must be something you like about it?" Jenny persisted.

Ashlyn shrugged "Wouldn't know, never had a boyfriend."

"Well...didn't you and Sparky have something going on before I joined the Offbeats?" Jenny asked.

Ashlyn sighed "Sparky is...Sparky is my best friend, he's always been my best friend. He's always been there for me, you know? Yeah we didn't trust each other when we first met, but now I trust him enough to let him use my real name. He's...special...but that's it, it's all we've ever been, and it will be all we ever will be, got it?"

Jenny looked surprised and peered closely at Ashlyn "Demi, are you...are you blushing?"

Ashlyn looked surprised, before turning away "No! You must be imaging it! Now get lost princess, I've got important stuff to take care of."

Jenny smiled in spite of Ashlyn's sudden rudeness "Ok then, happy Valentine's day Demi!"

As soon as Jenny had left the room, Ashlyn took out a small picture she kept with her, and glanced sadly at the wild haired young man it displayed.

* * *

Later, the Minions had all assembled in the dining room for the Valentine's Day dinner. For entertainment, Crystal had agreed to sing.

_Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,_  
_Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?_  
_Do you ever feel, feel so paper-thin_  
_Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?_

_Do you ever feel already buried deep?_  
_Six feet under screams, but no one seems to hear a thing_  
_Do you know that there's still a chance for you?_  
_'Cause there's a spark in you_

_You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine_  
_Just own the night like the Fourth of July_

_'Cause baby, you're a firework_  
_Come on, show 'em what you're worth_  
_Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"_  
_As you shoot across the sky-y-y_

_Baby, you're a firework_  
_Come on, let your colours burst_  
_Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!",_  
_You're gonna leave 'em falling down oh, oh_

_You don't have to feel like a waste of space_  
_You're original, cannot be replaced_  
_If you only knew what the future holds_  
_After a hurricane, comes a rainbow_

_Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed_  
_So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road_  
_Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow_  
_And when it's time you know_

_You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine_  
_Just own the night like the Fourth of July_

_'Cause baby, you're a firework_  
_Come on, show 'em what you're worth_  
_Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"_  
_As you shoot across the sky-y-y_

_Baby, you're a firework_  
_Come on, let your colours burst_  
_Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"_  
_You're gonna leave 'em falling down oh, oh_

_Boom, boom, boom_  
_Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon_  
_It's always been inside of you, you, you_  
_And now it's time you let it through-ooh-ooh_

_'Cause baby, you're a firework_  
_Come on, show 'em what you're worth_  
_Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"_  
_As you shoot across the sky-y-y_

_Baby, you're a firework_  
_Come on, let your colours burst_  
_Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"_  
_You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe_

_Boom, boom, boom_  
_Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon_  
_Boom, boom, boom_  
_Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon_

_

* * *

_

End. And again, sorry for the lack of any actual Transformers characters in a Transformers fic.


	44. Life, the Universe and Everything noIV

Mustard: Hello, and welcome to chapter 42 of...They Just Don't Care Anymore!

Mucus: And gosh y'all, innit exciting? Yeah? Yeah?-! Yeah...ya know...

Mustard: And as usual, the Author does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters which are usually associated with the Transformers...or any other characters which appear in this fic...eh, you know the drill.

Frupert:...

Mustard: Frupert, stop staring! You're unnerving the audience! Anyway, without further ado, we present They Just Don't Care Anymore, chapter 42, please remember to enjoy, please review, and finally...thanks for reading! Enjoy the fic!

* * *

In the Author's base, Lisa was walking down the hallways, talking on her phone.

"...And I swear, James has a real obsession with power, he keeps trying to one up me, I think he's trying to get promoted!" Lisa muttered into her phone.

"Wow, he sounds like a real try hard." Sora replied.

Lisa sighed "Tell me about it, and don't even get me started on Sparky-"

"...And she can't even fight! I mean, it's all punch, punch, kick, kick, but there's no real secret to that!" Lisa heard someone in the rec room say.

Someone else laughed "Yeah, I know! I mean, what's the point of being second in command if you don't even have any combat experience?"

Lisa paused "Sora, I'm going to have to call you back."

Lisa peered into the room to see Sparky, James Mustard, Mucus and Gauntlet sitting around laughing...well, Mucus wasn't so much sitting as he was...being attached to Mustard's wrist.

"And did you see her when she fought off that golem? She kicked it in its nonexistent stomach!" Gauntlet exclaimed, before bursting into laughter.

It was at this point that Lisa kicked the door down, causing the others to scream in fright.

"WHAT WAS THAT?-!-!" Lisa shouted as the others stared at her in horror.

"...We are so screwed..." James muttered to Gauntlet, who nodded.

"WHAT WERE YOU SAYING ABOUT ME?-!" Lisa shouted...some more.

Sparky had since gotten over the initial shock and was feeling a little more confident "Well, uh, you don't know how to fight."

In response, Lisa punched the wall "What was that Blondie?"

"Well, all you do in a fight is punch and kick...and to tell you the truth, they're some pretty amateurish punches and kicks, you have no style, no real tact." Sparky explained.

"It's a fight! Where the hell does style come into it?" Lisa asked.

James rolled his eyes "Quite a bit actually, you can't just punch your foe a bunch of times, you've got to know where to strike! And, uh, as it is, you don't."

Lisa grabbed him by the throat and shot him a glare "Shut. Your. Mouth."

James managed to croak a few words out "Urk! Yes...ma'am..."

Lisa let him go and gave the others that same icy glare.

"Is she always like this?" Mustard whispered to Gauntlet.

"Oh no...This is one of her better moods." Gauntlet whispered back, half jokingly.

Sparky looked at the angry Lisa and cleared his throat "Look, if you want to learn how to fight, it just so happens that one of us is a highly experienced fighter with knowledge of a few martial arts."

Lisa glanced down at James, before roughly pulling him back up to his feet "You! Teach me!"

James shook his head rapidly, and in annoyance, Lisa dropped him back to the floor, before turning to Gauntlet.

"Well don't look at me! All I've got going for me is this...and a degree in engineering!" Gauntlet exclaimed as he lifted up his gigantic gauntlet.

Lisa turned to face Mustard "Don't tell me it's you kid?"

Mustard shook her head "No, I don't know the first thing about fighting!"

Lisa's pupils shrank and she grimaced "No...Not you..."

"Yep! I'm the experienced fighter with all the knowledge of martial arts! Cool, huh?" Sparky asked.

Lisa put her head in her hands, before looking up at Sparky "Teach me."

Gauntlet looked horrified "Don't do it man! She's already enough of a Mary Sue! We don't need her to get any worse!"

Sparky shrugged, before whispering back "Don't worry, this is all really hard stuff, it took me years to master, she'll give up, I promise."

Gauntlet looked slightly unconvinced "Well, just don't tell her everything you know."

"Deal." Turning to Lisa, Sparky answered her "Deal, but you train under my conditions or not at all!"

Lisa shuddered "D-deal..."

Sparky jumped into the air with joy "Wahoo! I have the second in command totally under my thumb! Now, get me a soda!"

Lisa grumbled under her breath, before going off to do so.

Mustard, James and Gauntlet looked suitably impressed "Damn dude." James muttered in awe.

* * *

Back at the Autobot base, the battle was still raging...yep, oh what a fight it was.

_Armada _Sideways was facing down the Predacons. Suddenly, Rampage leapt forward, yowling as he did so, quickly followed by Tantrum and Divebomb. Sideways however, swung his arm as Rampage leapt at him, sending him flying, before blasting Divebomb out of the sky and grabbing Tantrum by the horns and tossing him away with only minimal effort.

Headstrong growled "Tough little bugger, ain't he?"

Razorclaw nodded in response "Only one thing for it...Predacons! Combine to form Predaking!"

And cue da awesome Combining Sequence! Hell yeah!

"DIE AT THE HANDS OF THE MIGHTY PREDAKING'S BLADE!" Predaking roared as he raised his blade.

In response, Sideways raised his hand and flexed his fingers, _Bring it._

The two charged at each other, weapons raised, when suddenly a bright flash of light stopped them in their tracks, before a large portal opened up and...a giant monster made out of cake flowed out, accompanied by two humans in strange costumes and...Skywarp?

"Ha! So much for never returning!" Skywarp sneered.

"What the hell is this?" _Armada_ Sideways asked.

"_Armada _Sideways, meet Pyro, Sparx and Bundt, from the dimension where Nintendo characters are superheroes and villains!" Skywarp exclaimed, before opening fire, as his new allies did the same, with fire, lightning and candles respectively.

"Oh no..." Sideways muttered before he was engulfed in the barrage "Glub!...Worst...death...ever!"

Predaking looked at the new arrivals with shock "DAMN...THAT WAS COOL."

"Damn straight." Skywarp said with a smirk.

Not far away, Astrotrain, the Insecticons, Outback, Tailgate and Pipes were pinned downed by enemy fire from Antagony, Carcass, Lobotomaxx, Ravenus and Bludgeon.

"Gah! What are we gonna do-do?" Shrapnel asked as a blast from Ravenus clipped his antennae.

"We fight back of course! For the freedom of our brothers the toasters, and the bicycles and of course the noble garbage disposal units! For freedom!" Tailgate screamed as he leapt out from his cover, getting off a few shots...before being blasted to shreds "...Um...ok, new plan!"

The others stared at him in shock, before Outback whispered to Pipes "Jeez, that one is seriously messed up."

Pipes nodded in response.

"Well, maybe we could do just what the lunatic suggested." Astrotrain offered.

"Right, and how do we do that?" Pipes asked.

"We use his magnetic abilities to draw their weapons out of their hands and return fire on them." Astrotrain answered.

"Could work, maybe." Kickback mused.

"So let's try it out then!" Bombshell exclaimed.

"Yaha!" Tailpipe exclaimed as he pulled out his magnet cannon and ripped the weapons right out from the hands of the _sickening _Unicron Spawn.

Looking down at their now empty hands in surprise, the minions of Unicron looked up to see seven pissed off Autobots now holding aiming their own weapons.

"Uh oh..." Was all Lobotomaxx could get out before he was blasted by Kickback and Astrotrain.

"Eat metal eating spray losers!" Pipes cried out as he brought out his cannons and sprayed a corrosive gas at the enemy group.

Antagony screamed out in agony as she was horribly, horribly melted...it sure was neat...wait, does thinking that was neat make me a horrible person?

And elsewhere some more, Mirage was screaming as he fled from Drancron and Rartorata, their weapons raised menacingly. ..

...When it just suddenly and apparently totally randomly started to rain...Beastformers.

"What the fu-?" Drancron asked, before they all opened fire at once.

"The cavalry has arrived!" Golder exclaimed, his ill gotten sword, White Beamer, raised high above his head "Beastformers! Charge!"

And they were all there, Golder, Big Serow, Colonel Flykick, Elephan, Greysharp, Grayox, Battle Bear, Bonga, Wildthunder, Beafox, Yellow Giraffe, Hedgehog, Rabbit The Kid, Bowdog, Bluehorse, Giader, Violethorn, Bombsheep, Powerjaguar, Stronghippo, Major Wavemoose, Jungaroo, Seairon, Drakoon, Smileduck, Undergroun, Beavop, Yellowcamelus, Polar Battle Bear, Flyingattcker, Platinum Tiger, Bullorn, Panzer Panda, Koala Grey, Black Jaguar, Dream Eater, Baboon, Dog Hunter, Bupink, Razorkukku, Musk-Horn, Slo, Earthhog, White Cow, Zebra Ball, Duck Diver, Frenzied Mingo, Little Serow, Penguins, Udan, Blue Eagle, Sailon, Tiger Burn, Ground Wolf, Brain Mouser, Brown Lion, Grencats, Fight Horn, Hustlebear, Killer Hound, Strong Hurricane, Mantfenzy, Scope Cougar, Jeerer Monkey, Hornhead, Monkey Fighter, Alligatron, Devilbat, Deathspider, Cuttledeep, Badshark, Browngyro, Iguanamons, Delta Chameleon, Powernozzle, Cobrander, Ultragas, Pangol and all the recently freed from captivity Decepticon allied Beastformers: Killer Carp, Snakebomb, Drillfrog, Hardtop Tortoise, Crabhit, Redocto, Scoutmouse, Slasher Dragon, Knightowl, Shield Dragon, Demonkey, Eagle Killer, Crowmax, Spark Shark, Anarchy, Condorassin, Fly Sailor, Zariganian, Rainbow Samu, Shool, Battle Fennec, Dragon Seahorn, Sea Panic, Puzzlecolour, Skull Grotess, King Buster, Slag King, Flying Dragon, Kickback...no, not that Kickback, Skybat, the Grin Reefer, Salomanther and Dino Gator. Yep, what a list.

"Ready to fight?" Alligatron asked as their battle chariots touched down and began their assault on the vast number of Legion Drones.

"Yep, looking forward to it." Golder replied as he brought out his original weapon, the Baton-Gol.

Alligatron chuckled "Good, so am I...Goldar."

Golder twitched.

"The arrows turn, the swords repel, Let nothing pierce this mortal shell!" Browngyro cried as he raised his power staff and a spiky green humanoid enveloped the chariot that he was riding it, casting a protective spell over it.

"Ha, that's some nice shielding there Gyro." Bonga said as he rode with Browngyro, Cuttledeep, Ultragas, Earthhog and Drakoon.

"Oh mist filled pits, dark, dank, unclear, Fill all before me with frost fingered fear!" Deathspider exclaimed, forming a hideous man-spider...thing from his own power staff, which caused the Legion drones to see horrible things.

"Aiee! Tentacle monsters! The one Japanese scourge worse than ourselves!" Legion drone Bobby shrieked in horror as he fled.

"Draw upon the breath of stars, And scorch the Earth with fiery scars!" Koala Grey cried, shooting fireballs at the scampering drones.

"Three suns aligned, pour forth their light, And fill the Archer's bow with might!" Grey Sharp added as he summoned his Archer.

"Ah, this takes me back." Grotusque murmured as he blasted a drone's face off as he thought back to his days on Beast.

"Yeah, me too." Repugnus said as he casually tore Dirge in half, ignoring his screams that he was not the enemy.

Meanwhile, Hedgehog was singing as he was kicking the tar out of the Legion drones with his incredible speed.

"_Well am I making haste or could it be haste is making me_  
_What's time but a thing to kill or keep or buy or lose or live in_  
_I gotta go faster_  
_Keep up the pace_  
_Just to stay in the human race_

_I could go supersonic_  
_the problem's chronic_  
_Tell me does life exist beyond it_  
_When I need to sate_  
_I just accelerate_  
_Into oblivion_  
_Into oblivi yah yah yah yah yah yah yan_

_Now here I go again_  
_everything is alien_  
_How does it feel to be outstripped by the pace of cultural change_  
_My deeds are senseless_  
_and rendered meaningless_  
_When measured in that vein_

_I could go supersonic_  
_the problem's chronic_  
_Tell me does life exist beyond it_  
_When I need to sate_  
_I just accelerate into oblivion_  
_Into oblivion_

_I won't lie_  
_it's exciting_  
_When I try_  
_to decide things_  
_I just want to live_  
_decently_  
_meaningfully_  
_I'm in misery_

_I could I go supersonic_  
_the problem's chronic_  
_Tell me does life exist beyond it_  
_When I need to sate_  
_I just accelerate into oblivion_  
_Into oblivi yah yah yah yah yah yah yan_"

"Huh...is it just me, or is this turning into some kind of lame variety hour?" Zariganian asked Undergroun.

"Press A and then Z to use the Beak Bomb attack!" Undergoun exclaimed "And then, we can try out the Rat-A-Tat-Tap Attack!"

Beside the two, Redocto and Fly Sailor exchanged confused glances.

"Still thinks he's Bottles the Mole!" Spark Shark cried as he, Cobrander and the Grim Reefer ran past, firing on Rartorata.

"Ah." Fly Sailor muttered as he saw Undergoun attempting to use a bottle cap to jump up higher than he normally could.

* * *

Back at the amusement park, Hideki and Roxanne were still wandering around, although by now they wary of any other impending super villain attacks.

"So, still enjoying everything?" Hideki asked, hoping to break the silence.

Roxanne nodded "Yeah, although the constant attacks have been annoying. I know it's not your fault, it's just that-"

Suddenly, a loud explosion occurred, and people could be heard screaming.

Hideki groaned in frustration "What _now?_"

Roxanne grabbed Hideki's arm "Couldn't you let someone else get it? Do you know just how many superheroes live in this city? It's a lot, really."

Hideki sighed and looked down at his feet "I wish I could, but as far as I know, I'm the closest one here and I can't run the risk of civilians getting hurt because I waited for Spider-Man or someone to show up. I'm sorry..."

And with that he ran off...

...And saw his old enemy Butch Bowers beating up Obnoxious Teen Sensation, that blonde haired pretty boy douchebag who sounded as if he had never hit puberty and was almost certainly a eunuch as Archelon and that God damn turtle mech watched it all.

"What the fu-" Hideki began, only for Archelon to notice him.

"Boss! Company!" Archelon cried as he trained one of the turtle mech's cannons on Hideki.

"Who-?" Bowers asked, before noticing Hideki "Oh, don't worry about it, it's just a civilian."

"Hey! I'm not a "just a civilian"!" Hideki exclaimed.

"Then who the hell are you?" Bowers questioned.

"I'm-!" Hideki sighed, rummaged around in his utility satchel and pulled out his old helmet faceplate, before covering his face with it "I'm Tech."

Realisation dawned on Bowers and Archelon "Ah, yes, I haven't seen you in months, where have you been?"

Hideki shrugged and put his faceplate away "Oh, I guess I sorta quit, it was too much."

Bowers nodded "Right...so, what brings you here?"

"I was just out enjoying the park when I heard the explosion...so, why are you beating up Obnoxious Teen Sensation?" Hideki asked.

Bowers growled "Because this little asshole threw a water balloon at me as I was walking by!"

"Why the hell would you do that Obnoxious Teen Sensation?" Hideki asked.

"Because I totally can! I'm famous and everyone loves me!" Obnoxious Teen Sensation whined in his ridiculously high pitched voice.

Hideki and Archelon rolled their eyes "Yeah, maybe prepubescent girls and creepy old men like you but everyone else knows that you're a little douchebag!" Archelon snapped.

"I'll bomb you next bitch!" Obnoxious Teen Sensation exclaimed, clawing at the air as he tried to escape from Bowers.

Bowers snarled and pressed his foot down hard on Obnoxious Teen Sensation's back before turning back to Hideki "So, I assume that you're here to stop me and free this little brat?"

Hideki paused to consider it "Well, normally I would, but it sounds like Obnoxious Teen Sensation was asking for it, and frankly I hate this little freak so...go nuts!"

And with that, Hideki walked off to spend the rest of his day with Roxanne, leaving a very confused Bowers and Archelon and a sobbing Obnoxious Teen Sensation, who promptly wet himself like the little bitch he was.

* * *

Back in the Author's base, the Minions were gathering around Jenny and laughing.

"Ok, ok, now do your Mae Whitman impersonation!" Crystal called out.

Jenny giggled, puller her hair back into two pony tails and smeared mascara under her eyes "Ok, ok, ahem...Just a phase?-! It meant nothing?-! Oh honey, I'm a little bi-furious!" And with that, Jenny leapt forward and smashed a pillar in half with a single punch.

Sparky cheered before turning to James "Damn she's good!"

"Every Pilgrim reaches the end of his journey, some sooner than others." Jenny raised her leg high above the remains pillar, as if she were about to axe kick it "Your BF's about to get eff'd in the B!"

As she was about to slam her leg down however, Lisa burst into the room "WHERE IS HE?-!"

Jenny flinched and brought her leg crashing into the pillar at a greatly reduced speed, accidentally hurting her foot "Ow..."

Sparky jumped "Lisa, what-?"

Lisa rushed up to Sparky and grabbed him by the neck of his outfit "We had a deal! You were supposed to meet me in the gym a half hour ago!"

Sparky looked surprised "That was today? Oh wow, I totally forgot about our deal..."

Lisa looked shocked and angry "We made it fifty minutes ago you dick! Now quit screwing around and get your lazy ass in that gym!"

"Yes slave lord my slave lord." Sparky muttered.

In response, Lisa glared, let Sparky go and walked out in a huff "And clean this mess up!"

"Ouch..." Jenny mumbled as she rubbed her aching foot.

* * *

In the gym, Lisa and Sparky were staring each other don from opposite ends of the room.

"So, we gonna do this, or what?" Lisa asked.

"Oh, we will, but first you must prepare." Sparky replied, not averting his gaze.

"Prepare how?" Lisa asked.

Sparky glanced over at a magnificent looking short-staff, before strolling over to it and taking it off of its support "You see this staff? This is the _Minimac Requiem_, used by one of the world's greatest practitioners of Eskrima."

"Then how do you have it?" Lisa asked, failing to believe that Sparky could have gotten his hands on such a rare weapon.

In response, Sparky shrugged "Stole it" Noticing Lisa's smirk, he quickly added "B-but it had already been stolen from another guy so it's all cool."

"So we're going to be using staffs first up?" Lisa asked.

Sparky smirked "No, I just wanted to show off, we'll be preparing you in an entirely different way!"

Lisa shuddered "Different how?"

* * *

Ten minutes later.

"You ready?" Sparky asked, suppressing a grin.

"I really don't want to do this." Lisa replied, not coming into view.

"Well too bad, you have to or no training for you! Nyeh!" Sparky taunted.

Lisa growled before half heartedly sliding into the room, wearing an oversized button up shirt, socks and shorts.

_Just take those old records off the shelf_  
_I'll sit and listen to 'em by m'self_  
_Today's music ain't got the same soul_  
_I like that old time rock and roll_

At this, Sparky burst out laughing while Lisa growled in humiliation.

"Ok! Now that we have that out of the way, can we get on with it now?" Lisa asked through gritted teeth.

Sparky smiled mischievously "Not yet...tell me, do you like _Rain Man_?"

"Yeah, it's one of my favourite movies" Lisa suddenly narrowed her eyes in suspicion "Why?"

"Well you're going to have to watch it with subtitles, and it's gonna be really annoying!" Sparky revealed.

Lisa scowled, Sparky would pay for this, oh how he would pay.

In the shadows, Aku smiled menacingly.

* * *

Back outside of the Autobots base, the battle was...sigh...still raging. Yes, after four chapters and multiple interludes, it was friggin' still going. God damn you, you lazy Author!

Anyway, yep, still going...

Dirge screamed out as Lobotomaxx devoured his head, killing him in a horribly painful manner. Not far away, Ravenus and Bludgeon were firing wildly at Scourge and Sandstorm as Megabolt watched on.

"Yes, soon we shall rule the Multiverse and destroy all!" Megabolt cried.

"Wait, wait, wait, let me get this straight...you want to rule the Multiverse, yet at the same time you want to destroy it?" Thunder Geist asked.

"Uh...yes?" Megabolt replied.

"How does that work?" Ptera Geist questioned.

"Well you see, it...uh...kill them Unicron! Kill them!" Megabolt cried, pointing at the Exkaisers.

Unicron drooled and began charging up his bridge cannon...only to suddenly jerk sideways, sending the beam flying into a nearby mountain.

"What the hell?" Jazz asked.

* * *

Aboard the _Massive..._

"Gah! What just happened?" Purple screamed as he was sent flying into a console.

"It looks like that whatever's taken control of the ship has...lost control!" Red answered as he gripped onto a handrail to steady himself.

"But what could cause that?" Purple asked as he was promptly knocked off of his...floating feet.

* * *

Elsewhere...

"Ahahahah! I knew that The Tallest could not resist returning to Earth to see my progress! My genius amazes even ZIM!" Zim shrieked as he remotely controlled Unicron.

"BUT ISN'T THIS THE SAME PLAN AS BEFORE?" Zim's computer asked.

Zim paused to consider this "Why yes, yes it is...what's your point?"

"WELL DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME YOU DID THIS?"

"Well The Tallest were hurled into a sun, sent a core part of their ship into an enemy vessel which I tried to use to crush Dib only it activated it's Shrinky Self Destruct Feature and blew a hole in his head of about the diameter of a half of a mosquito proboscis? That plan?" Zim asked.

"UH...YES." The Computer replied.

"GENIUS!" Zim shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Peep." Minimoose said to the Computer.

"I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN."

"Master! You have an incoming message! Ain't it neat? Now I gonna make toast!" GIR cried as he ran up to Zim.

"What? A message? Maybe it's the Tallest! Computer, patch it in!" Zim commanded.

"Hello Zim!" A holographic representation of Dib greeted.

"Dib monkey! Get off the line, I'm waiting for a very important call from My Tallest and I can't afford to have you waste my time!" Zim snapped.

"UH, BUT THIS IS THE CALL, THE TALLEST HAVEN'T CALLED AT ALL." The Computer explained.

"Eh? What?" Zim asked "YOU'RE LYING! YOU LIIIIIIIIE!-!"

"UH...NO..."

Dib chuckled "Whatsa matter Zim? Mad that I managed to hack into your base _again?_ Wow, some super advanced alien you are!"

Zim growled, before attempting to ram Dib with his control box...only to pass right through the hologram.

"Didn't really think that one through, did you?" Dib asked mockingly.

"Curse you Dib! Curse yoooooooooooouuuuuuu!"

* * *

Back outside the Autobots base, Unicron was jerking and flailing around wildly, completely out of control as Zim, Dib, The Tallest and Megabolt all wrestled to regain control.

"Well this is certainly strange." Grimlock Prime muttered as he witnessed the truly bizarre spectacle.

"No doubt about that." Galvatron agreed as Cyclonus nodded.

"So what now?" Horn Geist asked.

"Hmmm...All forces, train your fire on that target!" Grimlock Prime ordered, pointing at Megabolt.

"Wha-? Oh bollocks!" Megabolt cried as every single Autobot, Decepticon and Beastformer present fired simultaneously at him, creating a massive explosion "Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?-!"

"Well that was certainly fun...now what?" Armour Geist questioned as he noticed that all of the Legion Drones and Heralds had since been vanquished in one way or another.

"Well, even with our combined power, we would not be able to defeat Unicron, so we're going to need to call in the biggest, baddest Transformer eva!" Grimlock Prime exclaimed.

"You don't mean...?" Thundercracker gasped.

"Oh hells yeah, I mean...him! The one, the only-!"

PRIMUS! Dun Nuh! Saviour of the Universe!

PRIMUS! Dun Nuh! He'll save every one of us!

"Where did that come from?" A surprised Slugslinger asked...in surprise.

Jazz shrugged "That seems to happen every time anyone mentions Primus'-"

PRIMUS! Dun Nuh! He's for every one of us!

PRIMUS! Dun Nuh! Stand's for every one of us!

"...Name." Jazz finished.

"Huh...weird dude." Cyclonus muttered.

"So, how do we get him here?" Galvatron asked.

In response, Grimlock cleared his throat and raised the Matrix above his head "By the Power of Primus...is a stupid catchphrase, only an idiot would use something so lame, so it's not that!"

Jazz and Cyclonus face palmed "So what the hell is it then?-!"

"This." Grimlock Prime replied simply as he pressed a small button on one of the Matrix's handles.

Suddenly, a bright flash of light enveloped the sky, and there stood...

PRIMUS! Duh Nuh!

* * *

In the Author's base, Lisa walked out of the gym, beaten and bruised.

"Hey Lisa...wow, what happened to you?" Jenny asked as she walked past.

"Your idiot boyfriend happened! First he keeps humiliating me, then he beats the hell out of me with some God damn stick!" Lisa snapped.

"Huh...sounds like he's a tough instructor." Jenny replied.

Lisa growled "No, he's just sadistic! Talk to him!"

"Well, ok..." Jenny muttered as Lisa walked off.

"Hey Jenny." Sparky greeted as he walked out of the gym, clutching the _Minimac Requiem_.

"So...how goes the training then?" Jenny asked.

"Well Click Goes the Shears Boys...click, click, click, it is awesome! Lisa is really struggling at this! She has no idea how to hold these things" He raised his staff "No idea where to strike, her speed is abysmal and her defence is nonexistent!"

"So, how long is it going to take to train her?"

"If we're optimistic, a year, but I doubt that!" Sparky replied.

From behind her hiding place, Lisa growled.

"Looking for a little revenge perhaps?"

Lisa gasped in surprise, before catching herself "What do you want demon?"

Aku suddenly appeared before her in a flash of black fire "Why, to help you of course, I live to serve."

Lisa snorted "Yeah, yourself, what would you get out of this?"

"Oh, like you I believe that Sparky needs to be taken down a peg, and believe me, I know just the way to do it." Aku replied.

"How?" Lisa questioned.

Aku grinned maliciously "Did you know that Sparky has a slight fear of the undead?"

Slowly, Lisa formed her own grin "Do it."

* * *

Back in the gym, Sparky was casually twirling the _Minimac Requiem _between his fingers when he heard someone step up behind him.

"Hey there Sparky." Lisa greeted.

"Hey amateur, what do you want?" Sparky asked.

Lisa smiled. For some reason, Sparky found that he did not like it in the least.

"You know, it's funny, when we were training, you mentioned something about exploiting weaknesses..." Lisa said and she slowly began to circle the room.

"Yeah...so...?" Sparky asked.

"Well, I'm sick of the crap that you're putting me through, so I thought I'd exploit your weakness." Lisa replied with a smirk.

Now Sparky was really uneasy "Lisa...what are you-?"

"Bye bye." And with that, Lisa pulled out a small black capsule from her pocket and threw it onto the ground.

The capsule exploded into a black mist...which quickly began to take form.

Sparky backed away slowly "Lisa, what is this? What are you doing?"

Lisa smiled "Payback."

Soon, the smoke thing had completely formed and Sparky whimpered when he saw it. It had rotting skin, dead white eyes, razor sharp teeth and a glowing yellow rune stone on its forehead. Upon seeing Sparky it growled then began to advance upon him.

This was too much, Sparky screamed and ran off, the zombie trailing after him as Lisa looked on.

"Wow, that was impressive." Lisa muttered.

* * *

Down the hall, Lisa was wandering along when she heard Sparky scream "What-?"

Suddenly, Sparky rounded the corner, and upon spotting her ran behind her and clutched at her arms. He was whimpering and Jenny was alarmed to notice that there were tears in his eyes.

"Sparky, what-?" Jenny began, only to gasp as the zombie rounded the corner "Magic zombie!"

"Please don't let it get me...please." Sparky whimpered, tightening his grip.

Jenny was horrified that Sparky could be acting like this, she knew about his necrophobia and had even seen its effects before, but it still unsettled her "Alright, I'm going to stop it, but I'll need you to let go first."

"Please don't leave me..." Sparky choked out, tears clouding his vision.

"It's ok, but I need my hands to stop this thing, ok?" Jenny replied in a soothing tone of voice.

Slowly, reluctantly, Sparky complied, and Jenny turned to face the monster. Jenny cracked her neck and knuckles before leaping towards the zombie. It growled in response and ran to meet her...where it was promptly decapitated by a blow to the head.

"Stupid Zed." Jenny muttered, being sure to punch its torso twice, reducing it to dust, before going over to crush its head "Ok Sparky, what happened?"

* * *

Back in the gym, Lisa was playing around with some of the weapons there when the door suddenly went flying into the opposite wall.

"What the hell-?" Lisa asked, shocked.

"You!" Lisa jumped back to see Jenny walking quickly to her.

"Princess, what-?" Lisa began, only to be cut off when Jenny seized her by the throat.

"You don't do that! You never do that!" Jenny exclaimed, and Lisa noticed that her eyes were actually glowing a light blue colour.

"Jenny...wait..." Lisa gasped.

"You never do that to him again, do you understand me?-! If I hear that you do this again I will break you, you arrogant little freak!" Jenny added, raising Lisa higher.

"Ok! Ok!" Lisa choked out and Jenny let her go.

As she turned to leave, Jenny muttered "You disgust me, I was always trying to see the good in you when the others would insult you...but I was wrong, you have no good."

Lisa stared wide eyed as she left, stunned by Jenny's uncharacteristic rage.

* * *

In his room, Sparky had pulled his legs up to his chest and had his arms around them. When Jenny entered the room, he flinched.

"It's alright Sparky, I've made sure that she won't ever do anything like that again." Jenny assured Sparky, wrapping her arms around him.

"You promise?" Sparky asked.

"Yeah, I promise."

* * *

Back outside of the Autobot base, all who had assembled were standing in awe of Primus.

Duh Nuh!

Quit that.

Ok.

"Hmmm, this could be a problem..." Megabolt muttered as Primus towered over him and Unicron spasmed around, still out of his control.

Suddenly, Primus looked down at Megabolt and fired electricity from his eyes.

"Oh no...Yargh!" Megabolt screamed as he was vaporised.

Turning his attention back to Unicron, Primus quickly began to pummel the crud out of him, with the punches and the kicks and the Ow and the confused Cosby esque sentences.

"Wow, this is so anticlimactic, I expected this big and epic fight, but Unicron just keeps...spazzing out." Huffer muttered.

"Yeah, this truly is a massive disappointment." Gears agreed.

Finally, with one almighty punch, Primus literally knocked Unicron's block off, sending it flying out of orbit...and also causing all of the ships to crash down.

* * *

"WAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!" The Irkens screamed as they were battered and tossed around, before slamming into the ground "...ouch..."

* * *

"Quick! To the escape pods!" Dark Helmet cried.

"We can't sir! There aren't any left, we were too slow!" Colonel Sanders exclaimed.

"Aw shit! Not again!"

* * *

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Lard Nar screamed in panic.

* * *

"Well this is gonna suck." Captain Reynolds muttered.

* * *

"Sir, we're caught in the planet's gravitational pull! What do we do?-!"

"...We die."

* * *

Victor sighed as his lord and master Regius Flartus ran around screaming while his shp plummeted.

"We're all gonna die! We're all gonna die! Curse you princess Fenchurch for escaping and making me chase after yooooooouuuuuu!"

* * *

And cue the massive explosion! Weeeee!

* * *

Once the Earth had stopped exploding, the Autobots and Decepticons picked themselves up and looked at Primus.

"So, uh, what now?" Grimlock Prime asked.

_NOW YOU WILL RETURN T HE POWER THAT YOU HAVE STOLEN AND THE RIGHTFUL RULER OF THE AUTOBOTS WILL BE RESTORED_

Grimlock Prime groaned "Aw, do I hafta?"

_YES_

Suddenly, the ground before Grimlock Prime burst into flame, and Optimus came back into being.

With a sigh, Grimlock handed the Autobot Matrix of leadership back "Here, I'm sorry for killing you and usurping your leadership and all that."

"Apology accepted douchebag!" Optimus exclaimed as he snatched the Matrix back.

As soon as he had done so, Grimlock and the Exkaisers returned back to their original forms.

"Aw..." The Dinobots moaned.

Primus vanished now that his work had been done and Optimus surveyed the scene.

"Right, three questions...one, why is this whole area on fire? Two, why are there horribly injured aliens all scattered about? And three...WHY IS SKYWARP DRINKING MY GODDAMN SODA!"

"Uh oh." Skywarp muttered, glancing at the soda he was holding.

"DIE!"

* * *

At the Author's base, the Author walke in and threw down an envelope "Here."

"What's this?" Gauntlet asked.

"Minion Idol, we're in." The Author replied.

"So we're goingto be performing on the show?" Vlad asked.

"Yep."

"Huh...ok then."

"Hey, I'm back and...who is she?" Hideki asked as he stepped through the entrance and sighted Mustard.

* * *

Mustard: And there you have it. Well, that's it for the massive four parter and all those damnded specials and excuses to write less. And yes, we are going to be on Minion Idol so...hurray for us! SO, yeah, thanks for reading, please don't forget to review and we hope that you enjoyed. Bye!


	45. Chapter 46

Ashlyn: Sigh...let's get this over with. Hello once again to...They Just Don't Care Anymore. As usual, the Author only own the Minions, he does not own The Transformers, any of the characters associated with The Transformers, nor any of the other myriad of characters who appear here, you know the drill. And thankfully, I think that just about does it for my intro, and uh...we hope you enjoy, review or I'll hurt you and please enjoy or whatever...Bye.

* * *

In the Decepticon base, the Constructicons were lounging around, doing nothing of any real importance.

"Wow, it sure feels good to stand here and do nothing of any real importance!" Mixmaster suddenly said.

"Dude, why does he talk like that?" Long Haul asked Scavenger, who merely shrugged in response.

Suddenly, Galvatron burst into the room, accidentally killing Dirge when the door struck him.

"Constructicons, I have an announcement!" Galvatron exclaimed.

...

"Well?" Scrapper asked, waiting for the reply.

"Oh! Well, I want you to go out and build me a monument, as a testament to my glory! It's gonna be neat!" Galvatron replied.

"Uh huh...well we'll get right on that." Scrapper replied as he went to pour himself some tea.

"Great! Now here are the blueprints!" Galvatron said as he shoved them into Hook's hands.

"Wait, is this...Dear God, is this lava?-! You want us to build you a statue of you surrounded by lava?-!" Hook exclaimed in shock and horror.

"Yep! And it has to be premium lava too! None of that cheap stuff!" Galvatron replied as he made to exit the room.

"...Son of a bitch!" Hook cried as he threw the blueprints down.

* * *

The Minions, plus Blaze, David, Charlie, Roxanne and Sparky's younger sister Anna looked around in awe as the passed through the set of _Minion Idol_.

"Wow, this is all so cool!" Blaze breathed as she looked around.

"I'll say." Anna replied with a small whistle.

"All I can say is that I cannot wait to get my rock on!" James said.

The others all turned to stare at him.

"That didn't sound as awesome as you thought it would." Ashlyn muttered, causing James to shrink back.

At the back of the group, Lisa was sulking, still mad about how Jenny had treated her. Errol caught the look on her face.

"You need to let this go."Errol told her.

"Why? That bastard boyfriend of hers was humiliating me, he needed to be taken down a peg."Lisa replied with a scowl.

Errol frowned "You know, even I think that what you did went way too far...Demi and the Author aren't too pleased either."

Lisa scowled "Oh please, Ashlyn insults Sparky almost as much as me, why should she care?"

"They're still friends, it seems to be more of a vitriolic relationship. They insult and threaten each other, but they're still friends." Errol replied.

"Well if she gets in my way, she's going down!" Lisa growled.

"What do you mean?" Errol asked hesitantly.

Lisa abruptly seemed to calm down "Nothing...nothing at all."

Suddenly, the group found themselves confronted by two people, both dressed up in business suits. One was taller than the other and had brown hair and a cane, where the other had glasses and a goatee.

"Hi, my name is Robert, and this is my assistant, Gary" The taller of the two greeted, before motioning to the other man "And we'll be keeping track of you and all the other contestants!"

"So are you the judges?" Crystal asked.

Robert chuckled "No, more like your keepers, it is our job to prevent you from getting into any trouble, as I'm sure you're aware, fights tend to be quite common, the show is after all _Minion Idol_ and keeping a bunch of egomaniacal would be world conquerors around rarely ends well."

The other Minions all turned to look at Aku, who merely stared back unnervingly.

"Well, we'll leave you to wander around, just try not to start any fights, got it?" Robert asked, before he and Gary left.

"Let's go check out the competition!" Crystal exclaimed, before dragging James off after her, both were soon followed by the other Minions.

"Ok, let's see..." The Author muttered as he brought out a large book titled _BANDS OF THE MULTIVERSE AND BEYOND _"Ah, see those guys in the black robes over there? That's Organization XIII." The Author pointed out.

"Impressive outfits." Aku murmured.

"Eh, I bet they're emos." Ashlyn said with disdain.

"And over there is the league of Seven Evil Exes." The Author revealed, pointing to a group of people, who looked like a pirate, a skateboarder, a vegan, a half ninja, two guys tinkering with a robot and...some guy with glasses.

"Wait, I thought that they were fictional characters? I was pretending to be Roxie Richter just a little while ago!" Jenny exclaimed.

"You of all people should get this Jenny, this is a cross dimensional competition, bands from all over the Multiverse are showing up, what's fiction to some is reality to others! You think anything is original? Nope! Any imaginative idea is the reality of another dimension leaking into our own, why, we're probably fictional in lots of dimensions!" The Author explained.

The Minions all gave confused glances in one direction, seemingly at nothing.

"And here we have-" The Author began.

"Roman and the Galactic Experience!" Roman sneered as he snatched the book from the Author's hands.

"Roman! You creep give that back!" The Author snapped.

"Make me!" Roman taunted, before a shadow fell over him, he looked up to see a huge, furry creature with dark blue towering over him "...eep..."

"I suggest you give it back." A young man with long black haired tied back into a ponytail and carrying a staff said.

Roman chuckled nervously as he handed the book back, before backing off slowly.

"Uh, thanks...who are you guys?" The Author asked.

"I'm Tommy Walker, the big guy is Dallas Beckett." The staff wielding man replied.

"That sounds familiar..." Sparky murmured.

Tommy chuckled "It should, we're members of the HDLA."

Sparky, Anna and Mustard's eyes opened wide "The HDLA?-!"

"The what?" Jenny asked.

Sparky turned to her "The Hero Defence League of Australia, they're a bunch of government funded heroes who protect Australia from any danger!"

"So they're sellouts." Ashlyn muttered in disgust.

"Well, I wouldn't quite put it like that-" Tommy began.

"Hey! Sparky!" A new voice called out.

"Who-? On no! Justin!" Sparky moaned.

"The very same!" A young man with brown hair, scaly patches of skin and razor sharp teeth replied as he walked up with three others, one being a young brunette woman wearing what appeared to be an Egyptian necklace, a pair of gauntlets and carrying a staff, a pale man with brown hair and red eyes and a teenage girl in a black suit.

"How do you two know each other?" Jenny asked.

Sparky scowled "I knew this creep back when I was a kid! He was a cocky little jackass!"

Justin smirked "Funny coming from you Sparky!"

Sparky was about to make a retort when he suddenly found himself being tackled to the ground.

"Attack hug!"

"Wha-? Jasmine?-!" Sparky exclaimed as he was pinned to the floor.

"Yep! Hiya!" Jasmine greeted with a smile.

"Um...not that it isn't nice to see you, but what are you doing here?" Sparky asked, glancing up at Jenny, who seemed surprised.

"She's with us baby-pop!"

At the sound of that voice, Crystal groaned and Jenny gasped. Sparky turned his head to see Ember, Jack Spicer, Avrute, Kollekio and Mr. Hook standing nearby, along with three people that Sparky didn't recognise.

"Jasmine! You're with them?-!" Sparky exclaimed in horror.

"Meow! Sure am! They said it'd be a chance to be all famous and stuff!" Jasmine replied "Not that I'd let it go to my head mind you, I don't want to end up like my sister!"

"What are you doing here creep?" Crystal asked Ember with a scowl.

"Same thing as you dipstick, we're here to win _Minion Idol_!" Ember replied.

"Fat chance of that." James said with a snort.

In response, Ember blasted him with a shot of energy from her guitar, knocking him off his feet.

"So, who are the newbies?" Ashlyn asked.

"Meet Biowulf, our bodyguard..." Ember replied, pointing to a bipedal wolf clad in blue and grey armour "Breach, our method of transport..." A teenage girl with short black hair and four arms "And Skalamander." Ember concluded, pointing to a hideously deformed giant lizard with multiple limbs and crystalline protrusions growing from his body.

"The hell does he do?" Charlie asked.

"He's our roadie" Ember replied "...yeah, we couldn't figure out just what else he could do." She added, noticing the confused glances.

"Ugly son of a-" Charlie began, only to let out a yelp when Skalamander slammed his club hand down in front of him.

"You wanna watch what you say around me kid!" Skalamander snapped.

"Holy crap it talks!" Charlie exclaimed in shock.

"Damn right I do ya little brat!" Skalamander replied with a snarl.

Errol, who had been standing on the sidelines watching until that point, jumped when Breach suddenly appeared next to him and began caressing his face.

"You can be my new favourite." Breach said to Errol.

"Um...thank you?" Errol replied, looking confused and worried.

"Breach! Don't mingle with the competition!" Ember snapped.

"You're not the boss of me." Breach muttered glumly, but rejoined her band mates.

"Well, I guess we'll leave you dipsticks to it then, ciao." Ember said, before Breach opened up a portal for them to exit through.

"Meow! Bye Sparky!" Jasmine exclaimed, before running off after Ember and the others.

"I guess we'll be leaving to, later J-!" Justin began.

"Don't call me that!" Sparky snapped before he could finish.

"Heh, whatever." Justin replied, before he turned to walk off, Dallas, the brunette and the pale man following him.

Tommy looked embarrassed "Sorry about that, Justin's a good guy, but he can be a little intense sometimes."

"We know the feeling." Ashlyn replied, glancing at Sparky.

"Well, I better get after them, I really don't like leaving Hazel and Justin together, their arguments are bound to end in something getting destroyed, bye!" Tommy called out, before leaving.

Looking somewhat nervous, the teenage girl came up to Sparky "Um, excuse me, but you are the Sparky who was in the Offbeats, right?"

Sparky nodded "Yeah, that's me, why?"

Blushing, she pulled out a pen and a piece of paper "Um...could I maybe have your autograph...please?"

Ashlyn, Hideki, Vlad and Gauntlet were taken aback. This was new, no one had ever asked for any of their autographs before.

Sparky looked just as confused as the others "Um...ok then, and your name is...?"

"Um, Sarah, but can you make it out to Taz, please?" The girl asked.

Sparky raised an eyebrow "Taz? As in, of Tasmania?"

Taz giggled in response "Yeah, something like that."

Sparky shrugged and finished off the autograph "Here ya go. I guess I'll be seeing you around."

"Thanks...well, bye!" And with that, she ran off after her teammates.

"Sparky's got a fangirl! Sparky's got a fangirl!" Crystal teased as Sparky looked on, perplexed.

"Well that was weird...wanna go check out the cafeteria?" The Author asked.

There was muttering of agreement.

"To the lunch room!" Charlie exclaimed, before hurrying off.

* * *

In the city, the Constructicons were rushing around frantically, hoping to complete Galvatron's ludicrously over the top and damn near impossible to make monument.

"God damn it, this is impossible!" Scrapper muttered as a pipe that Hook was setting was melting due to the lava which was flowing through it.

"Well, at least we've completed eighty seven percent of the statue sir." Long Haul replied optimistically.

"Autobots attack!"

There was a loud explosion as the statue of Galvatron was blown apart from the torso up.

"You were saying?" Scrapper asked in a deadpan voice as Bonecrusher and Mixmaster were sent flying by the explosion.

"Decepticon scourge! Prepare to be destroyed, and...stuff!" The Autobot warrior Backstreet cried out as he, Cerebros, Cog and Trailbreaker spontaneously appeared.

Scavenger rolled his eyes "Look buddy, we're very busy, so why don't you and your little posse make like a tree and get the hell out of here before we burn your forest down, tear you from your roots and turn you into a table!"

The others stared at Scavenger in confusion.

"Um...what?" Long Haul asked.

Scavenger shrugged "Hey, I think it sounds a whole lot more badass this way!"

There were mutterings of agreement.

"Anyway, now that we've laid down the standard pre-battle threats, let's you and us fight!" Backstreet cried, firing wildly, causing the Constructicons to duck and hitting Dirge, who was there for some reason and killing him.

"Agreed! Constructicons, attack!" Scrapper ordered, before pulling out his weapon and retaliating, winging Trailbreaker's shoulder.

"Yah bitches! Time for Bonecrusher to shine!" Bonecrusher exclaimed as he chased after Backstreet while in vehicle mode, trying to crush him.

* * *

In the cafeteria of the _Minion Idol _building, Lisa was getting her lunch and was wandering around looking for a table.

"Crystal, James." Lisa greeted, attempting to sit at the pair's couple, only for James to create an ice sculpture in the seat.

"Sorry, seat's reserved." James replied coldly.

Lisa glared at him, but moved on to another table.

"Hey Demi, what's-?" Lisa began, walking up to Ashlyn and Blaze's table, before Ashlyn turned and snarled at her.

"Get lost creep." Ashlyn spat.

Lisa looked stunned "What? Why should I?"

"What you did to Sparky was low even by my screwed up standards!" Ashlyn snapped.

Lisa spluttered in surprise "What I did?-! You mess with him all the time! You insult him on a daily basis and pull all sorts of pranks!"

"Maybe so, but I would never, ever pull a stunt like that on him. I would laugh at his fear if a zombie showed up by chance, but creating one just to scare him? You disgust me." Ashlyn replied, before returning to her food.

"Yeah, take a hike!" Blaze added.

Lisa growled as she walked away _This is all Jenny's fault! She humiliated me, so the others think they can walk all over me! Well, I'll show them by making an example out of Jenny! _Lisa thought, before strolling over to Jenny's table, where she was with Sparky, Hideki, Roxanne and Anna.

"So I said, "No, you're not getting this: sentient meat." So then he says-" Roxanne was recounting to the others when Lisa slammer her fist down onto the table.

"Jenny! You and me. Now." Lisa said.

Jenny frowned "You want to fight me? That's not a good idea."

"Well I'm going to, you are going to pay!" Lisa snapped.

"You were out of control Lisa! What you did went too far!" Jenny exclaimed, alerting the other bands.

"What's going on over there?" Todd Ingram asked.

"Looks like there's a fight starting!" Jack replied eagerly.

"Yeah, you had no right to treat my brother that wa-!" Anna began.

"Zip it kid! This is between me and princess here!" Lisa interrupted.

"Don't talk to her that way!" Jenny snapped.

"Make me!"

"I'm warning you Lisa-!"

"If you want me to stop, you're going to have to beat me! I! Have! Spoken!" Lisa shouted, pulling her belt off to reveal it as a whip sword.

"Phffft, she totally stole that from me!" Roxie Richter whispered to Avrute.

Lisa shouted as she began snapping her whip at Jenny, who began to nimbly dodge it.

"What's the big deal, she's super strong, right?" Anna asked.

Sparky shook his head "Super strong yes, but not super endurable, she's about as durable as any twenty year old woman."

"Stop dodging! It's really annoying!" Lisa snapped as she leapt at Jenny.

"Stop trying to kill me!" Jenny replied as she picked up a table to absorb the blow.

"Bow down before me, then we'll talk!" Lisa exclaimed, flicking her wrist and cracking the whip sword.

Jenny gasped and ducked...

...Allowing the sword to graze Hazel's cheek, drawing a small trickle of blood.

The pale haired man gasped in horror and rushed to Hazel's side "Sweetie! It's just a scratch! Please don't-!"

"Gary...shut up!" Hazel shouted as she raised her gauntlets and blew a small crater in the ground in between Jenny and Lisa.

Avrute grinned behind his mask "It looks like a fight! Come on!"

"Uh, but I don't-!" Kollekio began timidly.

"Just shut up and fight!" Avrute interrupted, before throwing Kollekio at two of the members of the HDLA, Harry and Samuel.

"FIGHT!" Someone shouted.

And all hell broke loose.

From the sidelines, the Katayanagi twins smiled and brought out a record, before pulling out a DJ station from...hammerspace.

_I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation_  
_You're living in the past, it's a new generation_  
_A girl can do what she wants to do and that's what I'm gonna do_

_An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation_  
_Oh no, not me_

_An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation_  
_Never said I wanted to improve my station_  
_An' I'm only doin' good when I'm havin' fun_  
_An' I don't have to please no one_

_An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation_  
_Oh no, not me, oh no, not me_

_I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation_  
_I've never been afraid of any deviation_  
_An' I don't really care if ya think I'm strange_  
_I ain't gonna change_

_An' I'm never gonna care 'bout my bad reputation_  
_Oh no, not me, oh no, not me_

_Pedal boys!_

_An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation_  
_The world's in trouble, there's no communication_  
_An' everyone can say what they wanna say_  
_It never gets better, anyway_

_So why should I care 'bout a bad reputation anyway?_  
_Oh no, not me, oh no, not me_

_I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation_  
_You're living in the past, it's a new generation_  
_An' I only feel good when I got no pain_  
_An' that's how I'm gonna stay_

_An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation_  
_Oh no, not me, oh no, not me_  
_Not me, not me_

"Roxanne! Watch my sister!" Sparky cried, before getting sent flying by a blow by Biowulf.

"Spoilsport." Anna muttered as Roxanne pulled her under their table.

"Nothing personal." Mr. Hook said with a shrug to Tommy, who he was holding at sword point...

...Until Taz teleported in front of Mr. Hook and kicked him in the jaw.

"Ha! Don't mess with my teammates creep!" Taz exclaimed.

"Die!" Breach snapped as she teleported besides Taz, making her jump.

"Eep!" Taz...eep-d, before the two launched into a teleporting battle...gee, it sure was awesome and I'd love to tell you about it, but alas, I am not creative enough...sigh, alas.

"You know how they say the hand is quicker than the eye?" Lucas Lee asked Todd Ingram as he held up a fist.

Todd nodded in response, not taking his eye off Lucas' fist...

...And completely missing the kick which hit him square in the chest.

"Well the hand ain't got nothing on the leg you stupid son of a bitch!"

"We're on the same side genius!" Gideon snapped as he hid under a table.

"I know, he's just a douchebag cocky cock!" Lucas replied.

"Go get them my demon hipster chicks!" Mathew Patel ordered as he flew around throwing fireballs at random Minions.

"That creep is so going down." Ashlyn muttered as she kicked a demon hipster chick aside, before spitting a fireball at Patel.

"Hey! You almost hit me!" Patel exclaimed in horror.

"That's the idea genius!" Ashlyn retorted, before launching herself at him, smoke pouring from her mouth.

"Yipes!"

"Hey! Those guys have just been watching this whole time!" Gauntlet exclaimed, pointing to the Katayanagi twins.

"Yeah! Let's go get 'em!" Harry cried as he, Gauntlet, Jack and Kollekio began advancing on the Katayanagi twins.

Ken nodded to Kyle, who lifted a remote into view and pressed a button. Almost instantly, three robots of varying sizes shot up from the ground and charged at the four who had dared to challenge their masters.

"Uh oh-!" Gauntlet muttered before one of the robots was upon him.

For the next four and a half minutes, it was all a tangle of limbs as Minion after Minion fought.

"What the devil is going on in here?" Robert asked as he and Gary walked in to see what all the commotion was about "Damn it! Not again!" Robert muttered as he brought out a pistol and fired into the air...

...To no effect. Several shots had already been fired earlier, so no one was likely to notice a few more.

"Damn...Gary, pass me my HandCannon, would you?" Robert asked.

Gary quickly brought out a ridiculously large pistol and handed it to Robert, who proceeded to fire it into the air again.

The resulting shot managed to tear the roof right off of the building. This time the effect was noticed, and all of the Minions turned to stare at Robert.

"Right, now that I have your attention, I would like to remind you all to STOP FIGHTING! Honestly, we lose enough sets each year, now you're damaging the lunch room? See that it doesn't happen again, or else!" Robert threatened as he levelled the HandCannon at Jack.

"...I think I just wet myself..." Jack whispered meekly, before passing out.

"Oh, and one of you is going to have to perform in...oh, dearie me, five minutes! Well, I'll leave you to sort that out, we must be off, ta!" Robert cried before he and Gary walked off.

There was a long silence, which was finally broken by Ember.

"...Motherfu-!"

* * *

Back in the city, the Constructicons were still holding off the Autobot strike team. All around, things were exploding, shots were being fired and Dirge's were dying. Oh it was all awful...and stuff.

"Keep firing! Resistance is useless!" Backstreet cried as he fired wildly at the Decepticons...and continually missed, even though the majority of them were just standing there.

"Jeez, where did this guy learn to shoot?" Long Haul asked.

"I bet it was the Imperial Marksmanship Academy!" Scavenger joked.

"Nah, probably the Vogons!" Hook added with a snicker.

It was at that point that Backstreet pulled out a detonator "Ha! While I was distracting you, the others rigged up explosives on your precious statue! Now bow down before me, or I'll blow your statue to high Hell!...Because Hell is apparently high I-I guess...and I learned to shoot from the Uwe Boll film school!"

Oh yeah, bitch got burned...now if only he would read this...shit, I didn't completely think this one through...

In response, Long Haul shot his hand, causing Backstreet to yelp and throw the detonator into the air, where it was promptly snatched by Scrapper.

"You really are an idiot, you know." Scrapper said calmly as he held onto the detonator.

"...Um...retreat!" Backstreet shrieked.

"Did we even get any lines?" Cog asked Cerebros.

"You know, I'm not sure that we did..." Cerebros replied as he fled.

"Well, that takes care of that then!" Hook exclaimed, dusting his hands off.

"Surprise inspection time! Oh yes!" Galvatron cried out, startling the Constructicons.

"...Please don't do that again...Ever." Scavenger muttered.

With their Supreme Evil Overlord of Tyrannical Darkness were Shockwave and Soundwave.

"So, where is my statue?" Galvatron asked.

"Uh, it's right behind you..." Scavenger pointed out.

"Really? I thought that little thing was the statue and that was the real Galvatron behind it!" Bonecrusher exclaimed.

After a short pause Hook promptly smacked him upside the head.

Galvatron began to inspect the statue "Hmm, yeah...well, I guess that's a good start..."

"Uh, sir?" Scrapper asked.

"Yeah, it's big alright, but I can't help but wondering...is it too big? Yeah, tear it down and start again! And don't forget my upper body next time!" Galvatron cried out as he began to walk off.

"Aw screw it." Scrapper muttered as he activated the explosives, causing the statue to explode.

"Gasp! NOOOOOO! Remember me as a guuuuuuuuuuyyyyyyy!" Galvatron shrieked as he was buried by many tons of rubble.

"Well...what now?" Shockwave asked.

At that point, Ravage, Rumble and Frenzy ejected themselves from Soundwave.

"Whaddya say we's all get hammered?" Rumble suggested.

"Sounds like the plan!" Frenzy agreed.

Ravage snarled, properly translated, it would have sounded something like "Sure, why not?"

"EXCLAMATION: HOORAY!" Soundwave cheered.

"Yeah, and drinks are on Galvatron!" Hook cried out.

"...Please help me..." Galvatron muttered weakly.

* * *

_Yeah, Oooooooo_

_It was, it was September,_  
_Wind blow, the dead leaves fall._  
_To you, I did surrender,_  
_Two weeks you didn't call._

_Your life goes on without me,_  
_My life, a losing game._  
_But you should, you should not doubt me,_  
_You will remember my name._  
_Oh Ember, you will remember._  
_Ember, one thing remains,_  
_Oh Ember, so warm and tender,_  
_You will remember my name._

_Your heart, your heart abandoned,_  
_You're wrong, now bare the shame._  
_Like dead trees, in cold December,_  
_Nothing but ashes remain._

_Oh Ember, you will remember._  
_Ember, one thing remains,_  
_Oh Ember, so warm and tender,_  
_You will remember my name._

_Oh Ember, you will remember._  
_Ember, one thing remains,_  
_Oh Ember, so warm and tender,_  
_You will remember my name._

"And that was Ember and...uh, the Ember Band playing their hit song, Remember! Give it up for them people!" The announcer cheered.

"Ok, so what's our song?" James asked as he peered out at Ember's performance.

"I got it all planned out see, we're going to do a mix-up of Any Way You Want it and Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'! It'll be perfect!" The Author exclaimed.

"What a Glee fanboy." Ashlyn muttered to Sparky, who nodded.

"AND NOW, HERE'S ROMAN AND THE GALACTIC EXPERIANCE PLAYING A MIX-UP OF ANY WAY YOY WANT IT AND LOVIN,' TOUCHIN', SQUEEZIN'!" The announcer...announced.

_Any way you want it_  
_That's the way you need it_  
_Anyway you want it_

_whoaaaa oooh_

_She loves to laugh, she loves to sing_  
_she does everything_  
_she loves to move, she loves to groove_  
_she loves lovin' things_

_It won't be long yeah til you're alone_  
_When your lover (looove)_  
_Oh he hasn't come home_  
_'Cause he's lovin (lovin) ooh he's touchin' (touchin)_  
_he's squeezin' another (another)_

_Any way you want it_  
_That's the way you need it_  
_Anyway you want it_  
_(he said)_  
_Any way you want it_  
_That's the way you need it_  
_Anyway you want it_  
_ooooooh_

_Na na-na na naaa ..._

_I was alone I never knew_  
_What good love could do_  
_then we touched then we sang_  
_about the lovely things_  
_'Cause he's lovin (lovin) ooh he's touchin' (touchin)_  
_he's squeezin' another_

_Any way you want it_  
_That's the way you need it_  
_Anyway you want it_  
_(he said)_  
_Any way you want it_  
_That's the way you need it_  
_Anyway you want it_  
_ooooooh_

_Na na-na na naaa ..._

_Any way you want it_  
_That's the way you need it_  
_Anyway you want it_  
_(he said)_  
_Any way you want it_  
_That's the way you need it_  
_Anyway you want it_

_Na na-na na naaa ..._

The Author's eye twitched.

"...Son of a bitch..."

* * *

Ashlyn: Yeah, and that's where we're choosing to end it...what? I am not reading that. I don't care if-! What? You can't-! Urgh! Sigh...Will we think of a new song, will we be well received and will that douchebag Roman be viciously beaten or something...Well I don't know, so we're just going to have to wait. Urgh...and we hope you enjoyed, please review and thankyouforeading!


	46. Chapter 47

Anna: Um, ok...so, I'm new to this whole "introduction" thing, so Im going to get this over with as quickly as possible, okay? So, this is...They Just Don't Care Anymore?

Sparky: You're supposed to yell it out.

Anna: Oh...They Just Don't Care Anymore! How's that?

Sparky: Great, great.

Anna: So, yeah, anyway, the Author does not any of the Transformers characters or The Transformers characters...just the Minions...And me I guess, I mean, I'm not a Minion, just the sister of a Minion...

Sparky: Pssst! Get on with it!

Anna: Oh...sorry...um, yeah, we hope you enjoy, please don't forget to review and thanks for reading! Bye!

* * *

"Crud, crud, crud!" The Author hissed as he paced back and forth "What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?-!"

"Well, what other songs do we know?" Crystal asked.

"Bon Jovi." James replied.

"Queen." Sparky added.

"Twisted Sister..." Errol said.

"Michael Jackson." Jenny murmured.

"...Right, well, how about we go with Queen?" Crystal suggested.

"Yes! Good idea! But...which song?" The Author asked.

Crystal rolled her eyes "Well, what's their most well known song , that's also likely to impress the judges?"

"_Bohemian Rhapsody!_" The Author cried.

"Good, we'll do that!" Crystal replied.

"But that's so hard!" Sparky whined.

"Tough! It's all we got!" Crystal snapped "So we're going out there, and we're performing the best damn rendition of _Bohemian Rhapsody _possible!"

* * *

"AND COMING UP NEXT ARE THE OH SO CREATIVLEY NAMED MINIONS PERFORMING...UH, WHAT ARE THEY PERFORMING AGAIN?" The announcer asked.

A stage hand came up to him and whispered something in his ear.

"OH, THEY WILL BE PERFORMING _QUEEN'S_ _BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY_!" The announcer cried "AND TO INTRODUCE THE GROUP, WE HAVE LAST YEAR'S _MINION IDOL _WINNER, MIA STARK!"

"Alright people are you ready!" Sparky heard a woman on stage blare "On vocals we have...James Bitters!" A loud cheer went out as James rushed out onto the stage "On bass, Sparky Montgomery!" With that, James ran outside onto the stage, but could not see who was calling them out due to the stage lights obscuring his view "Drums! Errol Grey! For guitar, we have Vlad! On piano, Gauntlet! And dancers and backup vocals include Crystal! Jenny Zim! Lisa! Hideki Eguchi! Aku, Master of Darkness! Ashlyn Sumrall!"

A hush fell over the crowd as the Minions prepped up. Finally, James and the others began...

_Is this the real life?_  
_Is this just fantasy?_  
_Caught in a landslide,_  
_No escape from reality_  
_Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see,_  
_I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,_  
_Because I'm easy come, easy go, Little high, little_  
_low,_  
_Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to_  
_me_  
_Mama I just killed a man,_  
_Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's_  
_dead_  
_Mama, life had just begun,_  
_But now I've gone and thrown it all away_  
_Mama, ooh, Didn't mean to make you cry,_  
_If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,_  
_Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters_  
_Too late, my time has come,_  
_Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time_  
_Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,_  
_Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth_  
_Mama, ooh, I don't want to die,_  
_I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all_  
_I see a little silhouetto of a man,_  
_Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango_  
_Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me_  
_(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo figaro_  
_Magnifico I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me_  
_He's just a poor boy from a poor family,_  
_Spare him his life from this monstrosity_  
_Easy come, easy go, will you let me go_  
_Bismillah! No, we will not let you go_  
_(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go_  
_(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go_  
_(Let me go) Will not let you go_  
_(Let me go) Will not let you go (Let me go) Ah_  
_No, no, no, no, no, no, no_  
_(Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama mia, let me go_  
_Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me_  
_So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye_  
_So you think you can love me and leave me to die_  
_Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,_  
_Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here_  
_Nothing really matters, Anyone can see,_  
_Nothing really matters,_  
_Nothing really matters to me_  
_Any way the wind blows_

The crowd erupted into cheers.

"ALRIGHT! NOW LET'S HEAR WHAT OUR JUDGES HAVE TO SAY!"

"Not terrible!"

"I didn't hate it!"

"The audience was applauding!"

"..." James gaped.

"Um...is this good?" Jenny asked.

"I don't know." Sparky replied.

* * *

In his room, Jazz was watching an old movie and eating popcorn, when his phone rang. Ignoring it, he allowed it to go straight to messages...

"_Believe it or not Jazz isn't at home, please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up the phone, where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home!" _The recorded message sang, causing Jazz to chuckle.

"Jazz? Jazz, I know you're there! Pick up the phone! Pick up the phone! Pick up the God damn phone Jazz! God! I hate that song!" Bluestreak snapped.

Jazz immediately picked up the phone "Hey! Nobody insults this song ya son of a bitch!"

"Aha! I knew you were there!" Bluestreak...aha-ed.

Jazz rolled his eyes "Yeah, yeah, whatever, now what do you want?"

"Prime wants us, Blurr and the Dinobots to scout out an area for Decep activity...you know the drill, bring the usual equipment." Bluestreak replied.

Jazz sighed "Yeah...I'll go get my thermonuclear chastity belt."

* * *

Backstage, a small crowd was gathering around the Minions and the other bands who had already performed. Suddenly, a fan squealed and ran off.

"Yeah, you better run! Katie Lucas is a dumbass fatass who can't write!" Sparky yelled after him.

Jenny sighed "Sparky, what did you do this time?"

Sparky shrugged "Just insulted the dumbass writers of _Star Wars: The Clone Wars_, usual stuff."

Jenny placed the palm of her hand against her eyes "Sparky..."

"Don't bother, he's not going to change any more." Ashlyn said as she walked up to the pair.

"Change more? What do you mean?" Jenny asked.

"Hang on, the next band is about to perform." Ashlyn shushed as she walked to the door.

Jenny looked out to see that the stage was empty "But I don't see-!"

At that point, a large, egg shaped patch of darkness appeared in the centre of the stage. Stepping out was a figure clad in a black cloak. Shrugging it off revealed a young man with dirty-blonde hair.

"Hello _Minion Idol! _The name is Demyx! Are you ready to rock?" He shouted.

The crowd was silent.

"Wow...tough crowd...Um, ok then...let's get rockin'! One-two-three-four!"

At that, more Corridors of Darkness opened, and twelve more figures stepped out onto various parts of the stage. They stood their silently for a minute. Suddenly, droplets of water appeared around Demyx. The crowd watched in anticipation.

"Dance water!" Demyx cried and suddenly, the water came together to form a sitar, while the rest turned into watery clone of himself.

_When you walk away_  
_You don't hear me say_  
_Please, oh baby don't go_  
_Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight_  
_It's hard to let it go_

_You're giving me_  
_Too many things, lately_  
_You're all I need_  
_You smiled at me, and said_

_Don't get me wrong I love you_  
_But does that mean I have to meet your father?_  
_When we are older you'll understand what I meant when I said no_  
_I don't think life is quite that simple_

_When you walk away_  
_You don't hear me say_  
_Please, oh baby don't go_  
_Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight_  
_It's hard to let it go_

_So simple and clean_

_The daily things (like this and that and what is what)_  
_That keep us all busy_  
_Are confusing me_  
_That's when you came to me and said_  
_Wish I could prove I love you_  
_But does that mean I have to walk on water?_  
_When we are older you'll understand it's enough when I say so,_  
_And maybe some things are that simple_

_When you walk away_  
_You don't hear me say_  
_Please, oh baby don't go_  
_Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight_  
_It's hard to let it go_

_Hold me, whatever lies beyond this morning_  
_Is a little later on_  
_Regardless of warnings_  
_The future doesn't scare me at all_  
_Nothing's like before_

_When you walk away_  
_You don't hear me say_  
_Please, oh baby don't go_  
_Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight_  
_It's hard to let it go_

_Hold me, whatever lies beyond this morning_  
_Is a little later on_  
_Regardless of warnings_  
_The future doesn't scare me at all_  
_Nothing's like before_

_Hold me, whatever lies beyond this morning_  
_Is a little later on_  
_Regardless of warnings_  
_The future doesn't scare me at all_  
_Nothing's like before_

The crowd applauded as Demyx bowed_._

"Thank you _Minion Idol_!" Demy shouted.

One by one, the other members of Organization XIII took of their hoods, allowing Demyx to introduce them.

"Let's give it up for Xigbar! Xaldin! Vexen! Lexaeus! Zexion! Saix! Axel! Luxord! Marluxia! Larxene! Roxas! Xion!"

"We...that was weird." Ashlyn muttered apathetically.

* * *

Back on Earth, out in some random desert, the Autobots were scouting around, looking for any signs of the Decepticons. So far they were having no luck.

"Sowhatarewedoin'hereJazz?Huhhuh?Whatarewedoin'?" Blurr asked, much to everyone else's annoyance.

"Blurr, I swear to God-!" Jazz began.

"Ooh! Whassat?" Blurr asked, pointing to...over there.

"What?" Bluestreak asked irritably.

"That!Thatbiggiantjingamathinger!" Blurr pointed out.

"Huh?" Bluestreak and Jazz asked, turning to see what Blurr was referring to...

...To get batted aside by the Combiner Monstructor.

"What the hell?" Swoop asked as his two fellows were sent flying.

"YOU WILL ALL DIE AT MY HAND!" Monstructor bellowed.

"Ohcrud!" Blurr gasped.

"Quick! Activate Super Sparkle Awesome Shine Anime Transformation powers go!" Grimlock shouted.

All at once, the Dinobots raised their fists and light of varying colours began to shine from them.

"Swoop to...Ptera Geist!"

"Snarl to...Armour Geist!"

"Sludge to...Thunder Geist!"

"Slag to...Horn Geist!"

"And Grimlock to...Slightly larger and wrinklier Grimlock?-! Aw God damn it!" Grimlock cursed.

"Uh wha...? They still have those powers?" A dazed and confused Jazz asked.

"Yep!" Armour Geist replied, flashing Jazz a thumbs up.

"Oh...well ok then...kick his ass sea bass!" Bluestreak cried.

"Can do." Horn Geist said, staring Monstructor down.

"Aha! I see we've run into a snag!" Someone cried out.

The Autobots looked up to see the Terrorcons rushing down from a nearby cliff to meet the Autobots.

"Oh God damn it..." Bluestreak muttered, holding onto the bridge of his...nose...why do giant robots have noses again?

"That's right! It is us, the Terrorcons! Mighty Decepticon warriors and oh how mighty we are!" Team leader Hun-Gurr exclaimed.

Rippersnapper sighed "Please...let' just get this over with..."

"Sure, why not?" Grimlock replied, narrowing his eyes and flexing his fingers.

And with that, they transformed into their beast modes and launched themselves at each other. Grimlock began biting down into one of Hun-Gurr's necks, Ptera Geist started a frantic midair battle between himself and Cutthroat, Blot and Thunder Geist began grappling and wrestling around on the ground, Armour Geist was fighting with Rippersnapper and Sinnertwin was in the process of engaging Horn Geist in a fight.

"Damn dude..." Bluestreak muttered.

"BET YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME, DIDN'T YOU?" Monstructor asked from behind the trio of left out Autobots.

"...Aw crud..." Jazz muttered as the shadow of Monstructor's massive fist loomed over them.

"...Mommy..." Blurr whispered.

SLAM!

Autobot pancakes for everyone!

* * *

Backstage _Minion Idol_, Vlad , Mustard and Gauntlet were wandering around, talking.

"...Which is how my gauntlet functions!" Gauntlet finished explaining to Mustard.

"Oooh! Fascinating!" Mustard murmured as she examined the gauntlet.

Vlad turned, thinking he had heard something "Uh, I'm gonna go to my room In-Su, I'm kinda tired."

"Ok, see ya bro." Gauntlet called, not turning away from Mustard.

"Bye!" Mustard called.

With that, Vlad turned and walked down a dimly lit hallway. Suddenly, he heard something from behind. Vlad whirled around in the solitary hallway, sure he heard something. Finding nothing, he turned to make his way forward-

"Hi!"

"Gah!" Vlad exclaimed, falling backwards.

Standing over him was a dark haired feminine figure clad entirely in black, black top, black skirt, black choker. Vlad noted that she looked somewhat similar to that Japanese speaking catgirl that Sparky and In-Su often drooled over.

The girl in front of him giggled "Clumsy, aren't we?"

"Y-you're last year's winner...M-M-M-" Vlad stuttered, struggling to find words.

"Mia." She replied, drawing out the word "And you're with those other guys right? The blonde guy, the demon girl, etc, etc, right?"

"Y-yeah..." Vlad answered "W-what are you? I've only ever seen one person move as fast as you."

"I assume you mean the guy in the long black coat with the long black hair in your group? Well, ya see, I have demon blood in me, I'm half shadow demon, that guy in your group is a full blooded shadow demon, so I have some of the powers, but none of the psycho!" Mia replied.

"Oh...Aku, that's his name." Vlad replied.

"So, why don't you take of the goggles and scarf?" Mia asked, peering closely.

"Uh, what?" Vlad asked.

"Well, they kinda obscure your face." Mia answered.

"Oh, uh...I kinda prefer having them on..."

She shrugged "Suit yourself then...actually, they make you look kinda cute."

At this, Vlad could only blush.

* * *

On stage...

_Look at what's happened to me,_  
_I can't believe it myself;_  
_Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,_  
_Should've been somebody else._

_Believe it or not,_  
_I'm walkin' on air,_  
_I never thought I could feel so free;_  
_Flyin' away on a wing and a pray'r,_  
_Who could it be?_  
_Believe it or not, it's just me._

_Just like the light of new day,_  
_It hit me from out of the blue;_  
_Breakin' me out of the spell I was in,_  
_Makin' all of my wishes come true._

_Believe it or not,_  
_I'm walkin' on air,_  
_I never thought I could feel so free;_  
_Flyin' away on a wing and a pray'r,_  
_Who could it be?_  
_Believe it or not, it's just me._

_This is too good to be true,_  
_Look at me_  
_Falling for you._

_Believe it or not,_  
_Believe it or not,_  
_Believe it or not,_  
_Believe it or not._

_Believe it or not,_  
_I'm walkin' on air,_  
_I never thought I could feel so free;_  
_Flyin' away on a wing and a pray'r,_  
_Who could it be?_  
_Believe it or not, it's just me._

_Believe it or not,_  
_I'm walkin' on air,_  
_I never thought I could feel so free;_  
_Flyin' away on a wing and a pray'r,_  
_Who could it be?_  
_Believe it or not, it's just me._

"And that was the HDLA with _Believe it or Not_! Let's give 'em a big hand folks!" The Announcer exclaimed "And that concludes round one! Round two begins...soon! Stay tuned folks!"

* * *

Backstage, Jack, Demyx, Gauntlet, Kollekio and Mustard were plotting to sabotage the HDLA.

"Alright, so when Jack fly up and give the signal, Gauntlet drops the lights down on them, Kollekio and Mustard destroy their equipment and I then sprays them with water, fatally electrocuting them...any questions?" Demyx asked, as the others stared at him n stunned silence "No? Good!"

Unbeknownst to them however, Taz was watching and had overheard them. Quickly teleporting away, she came back a few seconds later and whistled, causing the others t look up "Hey losers!"

"Huh?" Kollekio asked...

Before he was promptly mauled by a robotic shark that Taz had dropped on him.

"Oh my God! He's mauling Kollekio!" Jack exclaimed in horror.

"You bastard!" Gauntlet shouted, shaking his gauntlet at the shark, causing the shark turned and growled at him "Uh...it was him!" Gauntlet cried, pointing at Jack..

"What?-!"

Fourteen seconds later...

"Did we just get schooled by a robotic shark?" Jack asked, in shock as he lay on the ground.

"I think we just got schooled by a robotic shark." Demyx replied, equally stunned.

Taz giggled, before teleporting off.

...

A BIG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT!

* * *

Back at the battlefield, the Terrorcons were realising just how badly they were being schooled...Monstructor on the other hand...yeah, he was...he was kicking the other group of Autobots' asses.

"Oh God why?-!" Bluestreak screamed as he reached for his lower torso, which Monstructor was holding high above him.

"Aw God dang it! This isn't working, in fact, this is failing hard! Terrorcons, combine and form...Abominus!" Hun-Gurr ordered.

And with that they combined to form...well, just read up.

"PREPARE FOR A SOMETHING AND ALL THAT!" Abominus roared.

At that point, Monstructor had become bored with slamming Jazz and Blurr together and making kissing noises and had decided to go see what everyone else was doing.

"RARGH! MONSTRUCTOR ALSO READY FOR AND ALL THAT!" Monstructor...roared also.

At that, the Exkaisers leapt back and formed a defensive circle.

"Exkaisers combine! Mad Geist!" The Exkaisers shouted as they came together to form...a combiner! Oh yeah, you weren't expecting that, were you?

"Aw ma, why the hell am I the crotch?" Thunder Geist asked, as he was indeed the crotch.

"SHUT UP AND ACCEPT IT." Ptera, Armour and Horn Geist told him, before turning to Abominus and Monstructor "TERMINATE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE!" Mad Geist said menacingly.

And at that, all three leapt at each other and began a massive sprawl brawl. Oh yes, a sprawl brawl, they're much like regular brawls...but sprawling all over the place...yep.

"Aw God damn it! Why aren't I part of their Combined form?-!" An indignant Grimlock asked.

The other Autobots only replies were groans of pain.

Mad Geist meanwhile, was being battered on both sides, despite putting up a good fight. Abominus and Monstructor had had the astonishingly good idea to attack Mad Geist from different directions and at the same time...yeah, screw you Mook Chivalry!

"URGH! WE'RE BEING BEATEN? HOW?-!" Mad Geist asked himself.

"I think it's because that together they came up an intelligent thought..." Ptera Geist replied.

"SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW?" The other Geists asked.

There was a pause before...

"MAD GEIST! SPLIT INTO..." Mad Geist shouted before splitting in two.

"PTEDER!" A centauric fusion between Thunder Geist and Ptera Geist cried.

"HORMOR-! WAIT, HORMOR?-! OH COME ON!" Hormor, the combined form of Horn and Armour Geist shouted.

"And why am I still the crotch?-!" Thunder Geist asked, highly annoyed.

"Because you're a dick." Horn Geist replied with a snicker.

In response, Thunder Geist kicked him in the chest.

"Hey! Hey! Cut it out and start fightin' them guys!" Armour Geist snapped.

"RIGHT!" Thunder, Ptera and Horn Geist replied as they prepared themselves to fight.

With that, Hormor turned to fight Abominus while Pteder rushed towards Monstructor, lance held high. Now that the fight was a little more even, the Exkaisers began beating the opposing Decepticons horribly. Mmm hmmm, oh yeah, oh so horribly...It was neat.

Bam!

Biff!

Pow!

Bort!

Kraka-Thoom!

"We need help! Quick, call Trypticon!" Abominus shouted.

* * *

In the Decepticon HQ...

In his room, Trypticon sat in a chair, eating popcorn and watching old movies when his phone rang.

"_Believe it or not Trypticon isn't at home, please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up the phone, where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home!" _

"God damn it Trypticon! Pick up the God damn phone! Oh God! Mah legs! He took mah legs! Why mah legs?-!"

Trypticon glanced at the answering machine, shrugged, and went back to his movie.

* * *

"Oooooh..." Abominus groaned as he fell over.

"Ugh..." Monstructor added as he collapsed right on top of Abominus, a giant lance sticking out of his chest.

"Well, lazy writing saves the day again!" Grimlock said, dusting his hands off.

"How tragically true..." Jazz muttered disappointedly.

"...Well, what now?" Bluestreak asked.

"HOW ABOUT WE GO AND KILL DIRGE? HE HASN'T DIED IN A DISTURBINGLY LONG TIME!" Pteder suggested.

"YES, AND THEN WE CAN GO AND CALL STARSCREAM'S GHOST A FREAK AND MAKE HIM CRY!" Hormor added.

Jazz shrugged in response to the suggestion "Eh, sure, why the eff not?"

And so they all wandered off into the sunset, intent on mocking and horribly injuring their fellows.

* * *

Anna: Uh well, I guess that's the end then...yeah. Well, we hope that you enjoyed it, please don't forget to review and...Thanks for reading! Bye! Ok, how was that?

Sparky: Awesome! You made proud little sis!

Anna:...


	47. Chapter 48

Blaze: Hey there, and welcome to yet another awesome chapter of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Yeah, alright...anyway, as usual, the Author does not own The Transformers, nor does he own any of the characters with The Transformers, or most of the other characters who appear within this chapter...duh. He does own the Minions however, so, nyeh big time companies! We'd like to thank Jesus Luvs Everyone for agreeing to judge, go check out her stories, they are awesome! Anyway, with the intro out of the way, I guess it's time to enjoy some Transformer slash Minion action! So, without further ado, we present the story! Please enjoy, remember to review and finally...thanks for reading!

* * *

Backstage _Minion Idol_, Jenny and Sparky were ready to call it a day, having completed their song for Round Two.

"I'm so tired..." Jenny murmured as she and Sparky sat down "I can't wait to get some rest..."

Sparky looked around "Well, you could always rest on me for a little bit if you want..."

Jenny smiled faintly, closed her eyes and laid her head down on Sparky's shoulder "Thanks, you're so sweet..."

Sparky blushed "This is nice..."

"Mmm..." Jenny mumbled, half asleep.

Unfortunately, the sickeningly sweet scene was promptly destroyed when they heard Jasmine's voice blaring through a nearby set of speakers.

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!_  
_Roma-Roma-ma-ah!_  
_Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!_  
_Want your bad romance_

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!_  
_Roma-Roma-ma-ah!_  
_Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!_  
_Want your bad romance_

_I want your ugly_  
_I want your disease_  
_I want your everything_  
_As long as it's free_  
_I want your love_  
_Love-love-love_  
_I want your love_

_I want your drama_  
_The touch of your hand_  
_I want you leather-studded kiss in the sand_  
_And I want your love_  
_Love-love-love_  
_I want your love_  
_Love-love-love_  
_I want your love_

_You know that I want you_  
_And you know that I need you_  
_I want a bad,your bad romance_

_I want your love_  
_And I want your revenge_  
_You and me could write a bad romance_  
_I want your love and_  
_All your love is revenge_  
_You and me could write a bad romance_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!_  
_Roma-Roma-ma-ah!_  
_Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!_  
_Want your bad romance_

_I want your horror_  
_I want your design_  
_'Cause you're a criminal_  
_As long as your mine_  
_I want your love_  
_Love-love-love_  
_I want your love_

_I want your psycho_  
_Your vertical stick_  
_Want you in my rear window_  
_'Cause baby you're sick_  
_I want your love_  
_Love-love-love_  
_I want your love_  
_Love-love-love_  
_I want your love_

_You know that I want you_  
_And you know that I need you_  
_I want a bad,your bad romance_

_I want your love_  
_And I want your revenge_  
_You and me could write a bad romance_  
_I want your love and_  
_All your love is revenge_  
_You and me could write a bad romance_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!_  
_Roma-Roma-ma-ah!_  
_Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!_  
_Want your bad romance_

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!_  
_Roma-Roma-ma-ah!_  
_Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!_  
_Want your bad romance_

_Walk walk fashion baby_  
_Work it_  
_Move that bitch crazy_  
_Walk walk fashion baby_  
_Work it_  
_Move that bitch crazy_  
_Walk walk fashion baby_  
_Work it_  
_Move that bitch crazy_  
_Walk walk fashion baby_  
_Work it_  
_Imma Freak bitch baby_

_I want your love_  
_And I want your revenge_  
_I want your love_  
_I don't wanna be friends_

_Je deux amour_  
_Et te veux ta revanche_  
_Je deux amour_  
_And I want your revenge_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_I want your love_  
_And I want your revenge_  
_You and me could write a bad romance_  
_I want your love and_  
_All your love is revenge_  
_You and me could write a bad romance_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!_  
_Roma-Roma-ma-ah!_  
_Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!_  
_Want your bad romance_

Bolting up, Jenny and Sparky ran to a nearby monitor showing the performance. Dressed in a series of bizarre costumes was Ember and her band. Wearing a strange black dress was Jasmine, next to her was Ember in a weird, reflective, angular outfit, while a disgruntled looking Jack was at the front, wearing a blue shirt with a wig. At the back of the stage, Mr. Hook was using a silver lobster like a mask, Avrute had a number of frogs stapled to his shirt and Kollekio...looked the same as always.

Sparky couldn't believe it. His face was a mask of shock and horror, and his right eye constantly twitched. Jenny meanwhile, had somehow managed to perform the Anime movement of sweat dropping.

"I don't believe it..." Sparky muttered.

"Wow...she really has a thing for you, doesn't she?" Jenny asked.

A short distance away, Lisa and the Author were also watching the performance...the Author seemed dazed.

"Snap out of it!" Lisa exclaimed, snapping her fingers in front of the Author's face.

"Huh...sorry...I was just remembering that episode of...God Rachael was sexy in that frog costume...and those bangs!"

In response, Lisa smacked the back of his head.

* * *

On Cybertron, the Autobots under the command of Elita One were making plans to raid a Decepticon fortress.

"Alright, as you can see, guards will be posted here, here and here," Elita One informed her soldiers, gesturing to a holographic picture of the enemy fortress "Because of this, we'll be sending Firestar in first."

"NITROGLYCERINE!" Firestar shrieked as she pulled out a hose and squirted nitroglycerine throughout the room, causing horrible explosions throughout.

Elita One's left eye twitched "Yes...nitroglyce-"

"NITROGLYCERINE!"

BANG!

Elita One sighed "Yes...that."

"...NITRO!"

BOOM!

"With the enemy in terrible agony and likely on fire, Chromia, Moonracer, Vibes and myself will proceed forward and enter the base as Green and Orange provide cover fire and Firestar continues on her rampage." Elita One continued.

"Uh, question?" Orange called out from the back.

"Yes?" Elita One responded.

"Yeah, why do Green and me have to provide cover fire for you guys? We think we'd be better coming in with you." Orange said.

Elita One sighed "Look, we've been over this, Chromia and Vibes are much more experienced in combat than you two, they're much better suited to these kinds of missions."

"And Moonracer?" Green asked, eyebrow raised.

"Whee!" Moonracer cried as she spun in circles while sitting on a wheeled chair.

"...Moonracer provides morale support." Elita One replied after a pause.

Green and Orange proceeded to stare down Elita One for a full minute.

Finally, Elita One threw up her arms in defeat "Fine! Orange, you can take Moonracer's place for this mission! Moonracer, you and Green will provide cover fire."

"Aw...No fair!" Moonracer pouted.

"It's a start." Green muttered.

"Right, Autobots, transform and roll out!" Elita One commanded, before she and her comrades transformed and drove off to their destination.

* * *

"AND NOW FOR ROUND THREE! THE THEMED ROUND! EACH CONTESTENT WILL SING A SONG THAT RELATES TO THEM!" The announcer blared "FIRST UP IS JENNY WITH "_ONCE UPON A DECEMBER"! _JUDGING WILL BE PERFORMED BY LAST YEAR'S WINNER, MIA STARK! TEEN POPSTAR, OBNOXIOUS TEEN SENSATION! FINALLY, THE THIRD JUDGE IS SPECIAL GUEST, ANAYA!"

"Oh no..." Tech muttered, not at all happy to see Obnoxious Teen Sensation again.

With the announcement over, Jenny took the stage and cleared her throat, ready to perform...

_Dancing Bears,_  
_Painted wings,_  
_Things I almost remember,_  
_And a song someone sings,_  
_Once upon a December_

_Someone holds me ,_  
_Safe and warm,_  
_Horses prance through a silver storm,_  
_Figures dancing gracefully,_  
_Across my memory..._

_Someone holds me,_  
_Safe and warm,_  
_Horses prance through a silver storm,_  
_Figures dancing gracefully,_  
_Across my memory..._

_Far away,_  
_Long ago,_  
_Glowing dim as an ember_  
_Things my heart used to know_  
_Things it yearns to remember_

_And a song_  
_Someone sings_  
_Once upon a December._

The crowd applauded as the judges gave their opinions.

"Nice, you're quite talented." Stark said.

"Amazing. You still put a delicate flow to the song." Anaya added.

"You wish you were me!" Obnoxious Teen Sensation sneered, causing the crowd to boo and throw stuff at him.

Jenny bowed slightly, before hurrying off stage.

"NEXT UP IS SPARKY, OF THE SAME TEAM, PERFORMING "_BREAKING THE HABIT" _DUE TO A PAST HISTORY OF DRUG USE, WHICH HE IS NOW OVER."

The spotlight hit the stage showing...nothing. Suddenly, a white, blue and blonde blur flew past the stage. It made a second pass, before coming in for a landing, revealing Sparky on his hoverboard. He bowed deeply, before standing up, revealing a huge smirk.

_Memories consume_  
_Like opening the wound_  
_I'm picking me apart again_  
_You all assume_  
_I'm safe here in my room_  
_Unless I try to start again_

_I don't want to be the one_  
_The battles always choose_  
_'Cause inside I realize_  
_That I'm the one confused_

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_  
_Or why I have to scream._  
_I don't know why I instigate_  
_And say what I don't mean._  
_I don't know how I got this way_  
_I know it's not alright._  
_So I'm breaking the habit,_  
_I'm breaking the habit_  
_Tonight_

_Clutching my cure_  
_I tightly lock the door_  
_I try to catch my breath again_  
_I hurt much more_  
_Than any time before_  
_I had no options left again_

_I'll paint it on the walls_  
_'Cause I'm the one that falls_  
_I'll never fight again_  
_And this is how it ends_

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_  
_Or why I have to scream_  
_But now I have some clarity_  
_to show you what I mean_  
_I don't know how I got this way_  
_I'll never be alright_  
_So, I'm breaking the habit_  
_I'm breaking the habit_  
_I'm breaking the habit_  
_Tonight_

"Nice entrance...show off." Mia told Sparky.

In response, Sparky stuck out his tongue at her.

Mia replied in the same manner.

"It was pretty good. Kept to the beat of the original song." Anaya said.

"I can be the only blonde singer around here!" Obnoxious Teen Sensation snarled.

"AND NEXT UP IS MATTHEW PATEL WITH HIS SONG "_SLICK"!_ ACCOMPANYING HIM ARE HIS...UH, DEMON HIPSTER CHICKS...OK THEN..."

With a puff of smoke, a young man in his early twenties suddenly showed up on stage. Four more clouds billowed up, and floating beside him were four demonic looking hipster chicks...what a creative description that was.

_If you want to fight me, HAH, you're not the brightest._  
_You won't know what hit you in the slightest!_  
_Me and my fire balls! My demon hipster chicks._  
_I'm talking the talk cause I know I'm Slick._  
_Fire balls, girls! Take this sucker down!_  
_Let us show him what we're all about!_

"That doesn't even rhyme!" Scott Pilgrim shouted, appearing as if from nowhere and throwing a cymbal at Matthew.

"Oh God damn it! Not again!" Matthew exclaimed as the cymbal struck him on the head, reducing him to a pitifully small pile of coins.

"Oh for f-! Damn you Pilgrim! That's the seventh time this week!" Gideon Graves shouted as Scott cheerfully walked off, whistling as he did so. Graves turned to face the crowd "Quick, turn around or leave or something so he can respawn!"

Puzzled, the crowd complied and when they turned back to the stage, Patel was back in one piece, although he was clutching his head.

"Hey buddy, you alright?" Gideon asked, patting Matthew's shoulder.

"Uh, yeah..." Matthew replied groggily.

"It's no fun when they come back." Girom muttered with a frown as he rubbed his Iced Earth ÄRM absently.

* * *

In the Decepticon fortress back on Cybertron, Shockwave was with his lieutenants, the Rainmakers. The leader, Acid Storm, was bright green and had once played football with Optimus Prime in high school...see that? Continuity Nod, yeah. The eye scarringly blue one was the oh so creatively named Acid Rain and the yellow one was...Lemon...well, at least it's better than Orange or Green, those are some dull names...Wait, what? I chose those names? Oh God damn it!

"Any word on the Autobots?" Shockwave asked.

"Yes sir, we've just received word from our spy that they plan to attack our base." Acid Storm replied.

"Excellent. Which spy reported?" Shockwave questioned.

"Lamppost Spy Number Six, sir." Lemon answered.

* * *

Twenty minutes earlier...

"Hey Firestar, is it just me, or is that giant lamppost steadily coming towards us with a microphone? Moonracer asked.

"NITROGLYCERINE!" Firestar screamed as she began spraying...nitroglycerine all around, setting off a number of horrible explosions.

"Oh well, probably just my imagination! Now, to explain to you in incredible detail the whole plan which we just heard, m'kay?" Moonracer said to Firestar.

"Please be sure to speak into the microphone." The Lamppost told Moonracer as he leaned in close.

"Sure!"

* * *

"Outstanding." Shockwave said.

* * *

Outside, the Autobots were readying their attack.

"Is everyone sure of what to do?" Elita One's Second-in-Command Chromia asked.

"Yep."

"Sure."

"Got it."

"Mmmm hmmm."

"NITROGLYCERINE!"

"Alright then, so in three...two...one...Firestar, go!" Chromia ordered.

"NITRO!" Firestar shouted as she ran out from behind her cover...

...And came face to face with roughly a thousand Decepticon soldiers.

"Oh crap." Firestar muttered as the Decepticons simultaneously opened fire on her.

"What happened?-!" Vibes shouted to be heard over the fire.

"Damn it! They must have planted a bug or something!" Elita One shouted back.

"I'm sorry, but could you speak up please?" The Lamppost asked, dangling the microphone in front of Elita One's face.

Elita One looked surprised, before glaring at it "Chromia..."

"On it." Chromia replied before grabbing the Lamppost and dragging it off behind some rubble.

"Hey! Hey! What are you doing? What is that, some kind of bazoo-? Oh my God!" The Lamppost screamed.

Several explosions followed before Chromia returned, covered in ash and holding the severed head of a lamppost.

"How's Firestar holding out?" Elita One asked.

"Let me check..." Vibes replied, poking her head out to see "Um...well, she's on fire..."

"Oh for God's sakes. Chromia, Vibes, Orange, lay down some cover fire for her." Elita One commanded.

The Autobots complied, and soon, a dozen Decepticons went down, allowing Firestar to recover and start spraying-

"NITROGLYCERINE!"

...Yes, that. It was chaos as Decepticons and parts of the fortress began to explode.

It was awesome.

"Go, go, go!" Elita One ordered, causing Chromia, Vibes and Orange to dash out from their cover and towards the fortress.

"You clear on what you have to do?" Elita One asked.

"Yeah, provide cover fire, real hard to follow." Green replied, rolling her eyes as she did so.

"Um, right..." Elita One muttered, before running off after her troops.

"Alright airhead, do _you_ know what to do?" Green asked Moonracer.

"Sure!" Moonracer replied as she raised her rifle and attached what looked like scope to it...a scope which was the size of a small van.

"What the-?" Green began, before Moonracer opened fire.

"See, it's all about wind resistance, you'd be surprised how much even the slightest breeze can affect the course of your shots" Moonracer explained to Green as she continued firing on the Decepticon "And don't get me started on the recoil, that's always a pain. Of course, as long as you compensate, you should be good to go. Ok, how many left?"

"Uh...none, you just killed them all..." Green said in shock as dead and dying Decepticons lay around them, all with smoking holes in the centre of their foreheads.

"Oh, already? Wow, that was fast!" Moonracer replied as she took off the scope attachment of her rifle "So, wanna play Go Fish until the others get back?" Moonracer asked as he pulled out a deck of cards.

Green stared at her in utter shock.

"Alright then, Fifty Two Pick Up! Go!" Moonracer cried with glee as she threw the cards up into the air.

* * *

Back at the _Minion Idol _arena, Demy was performing _You Get What You Give_.

_Wake up kids_  
_We've got the dreamers disease_  
_Age 14 we got you down on your knees_  
_So polite, you're busy still saying please_  
_Frenemies, who when you're down ain't your friend_

_Every night we smash their Mercedes-Benz_  
_First we run and then we laugh till we cry_  
_But when the night is falling_  
_and you cannot find the light_  
_If you feel your dream is dying_  
_Hold tight_  
_You've got the music in you_  
_Don't let go_  
_You've got the music in you_  
_One dance left_  
_This world is gonna pull through_  
_Don't give up_  
_You've got a reason to live_  
_Can't forget you only get what you give_  
_Four a.m. we ran a miracle mile_  
_were flat broke but hey we do it in style_  
_The bad rich_  
_God's flying in for your trial_

_This whole damn world can fall apart_  
_You'll be ok follow your heart_  
_You're in harm's way_  
_I'm right behind_  
_Now say you're mind_

_Fly high_  
_What's real can't die_  
_You only get what you give_  
_Just don't be afraid to leave_  
_Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying_  
_Fake computer crashes dining_  
_Cloning while they're multiplying_  
_Fashion mag shoots_  
_with the aid of 8 dust brothers Beck and Hanson_  
_Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson_  
_You're all fakes_  
_Run to your mansions_  
_Come around_  
_We'll kick your ass in!_  
_Don't let go_  
_One dance left_

"Ok, so who's going up next?" Ashlyn asked, shouting to be heard over the roaring crowd.

"I think it's James." Sparky replied as soon as the crowd died down.

"Ok, so what song is he performing?"

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LETS ALL HAVE A BIG HAND FOR JAMES, WHO WILL BE PERFORMING "_I'M STILL HERE, _ALSO KNOWN AS_ JIM'S THEME_, APPROPRIATLEY ENOUGH!"

_I am a question to the world,_  
_Not an answer to be heard._  
_All a moment that's held in your arms._  
_And what do you think you'd ever say?_  
_I won't listen anyway…_  
_You don't know me,_  
_And I'll never be what you want me to be._

_And what do you think you'd understand?_  
_I'm a boy, no, I'm a man._  
_You can take me and throw me away._  
_And how can you learn what's never shown?_  
_Yeah, you stand here on your own._  
_They don't know me 'cause I'm not here._

_And I want a moment to be real,_  
_Wanna touch things I don't feel,_  
_Wanna hold on and feel I belong._  
_And how can the world want me to change,_  
_They're the ones that stay the same._  
_The don't know me,_  
_'Cause I'm not here._

_And you see the things they never see_  
_All you wanted, I could be_  
_Now you know me, and I'm not afraid_  
_And I wanna tell you who I am_  
_Can you help me be a man?_  
_They can't break me_  
_As long as I know who I am_

_And I want a moment to be real,_  
_Wanna touch things I don't feel,_  
_Wanna hold on and feel I belong._  
_And how can the world want me to change,_  
_They're the ones that stay the same._  
_They can't see me,_  
_But I'm still here._

_They can't tell me who to be,_  
_'Cause I'm not what they see._  
_And the world is still sleepin',_  
_While I keep on dreamin' for me._  
_And their words are just whispers_  
_And lies that I'll never believe._

_And I want a moment to be real,_  
_Wanna touch things I don't feel,_  
_Wanna hold on and feel I belong._  
_And how can they say I never change_  
_They're the ones that stay the same._  
_I'm the one now,_  
_'Cause I'm still here._

_I'm the one,_  
_'Cause I'm still here._  
_I'm still here._  
_I'm still here._  
_I'm still here._

"Cool choice kid." Mia...judged.

"It sucks compared to everything I've ever done!" Obnoxious Teen Sensation cried.

In response, someone threw a water bottle at his head, knocking Obnoxious Teen Sensation out.

"Thumbs up. It was great. Great job." Anaya added.

"OK, COMING UP NEXT IS XIGBAR WITH "_SUPERSONIC"!"_

Stepping through a purplish, shimmering portal was one of Demyx's associates, recognizable by his eye patch and twin arrowguns.

_Well am I making haste or could it be haste is making me_  
_What's time but a thing to kill or keep or buy or lose or live in_  
_I gotta go faster_  
_Keep up the pace_  
_Just to stay in the human race_

_I could go supersonic_  
_the problem's chronic_  
_Tell me does life exist beyond it_  
_When I need to sate_  
_I just accelerate_  
_Into oblivion_  
_Into oblivi yah yah yah yah yah yah yan_

_Now here I go again_  
_everything is alien_  
_How does it feel to be outstripped by the pace of cultural change_  
_My deeds are senseless_  
_and rendered meaningless_  
_When measured in that vein_

_I could go supersonic_  
_the problem's chronic_  
_Tell me does life exist beyond it_  
_When I need to sate_  
_I just accelerate into oblivion_  
_Into oblivion_

_I won't lie_  
_it's exciting_  
_When I try_  
_to decide things_  
_I just want to live_  
_decently_  
_meaningfully_  
_I'm in misery_

_I could I go supersonic_  
_the problem's chronic_  
_Tell me does life exist beyond it_  
_When I need to sate_  
_I just accelerate into oblivion_  
_Into oblivi yah yah yah yah yah yah yan_

* * *

Inside the fortress on Cybertron, Vibes, Orange, Elita One and Chromia were rushing through its hall, trying to find the control centre.

"Vibes, are we getting close?" Elita One asked.

"It should be just around this next corner." Vibes replied as she consulted her map.

"Right then, prepare for-!" Elita One began, before rounding the corner and coming face to face with Acid Storm.

"Hello ladies." Acid Storm greeted, acid blasters raised.

"Acid Storm? Look, we're kinda in a hurry here, so if you don't mind, why don't you step aside and play dead or something!" Chromia suggested.

In response, Acid Storm snarled "No! I am sick of being forgotten! Sick of getting no recognition as a Decepticon Aerial Soldier! Where's my glory? Where's my fame? It always goes to that stupid bastard Starscream! Well no more! From this day forth, I, Acid Storm shall be the famous one!"

Orange sighed "Let me handle this." At that, she pulled out to identical swords and began hacking and slashing in Acid Storm's general direction.

"Are those swords?-!" Acid Storm asked in horror.

"Read the narration dumbass!" Orange replied, before cutting off one of Acid Storm's weapons.

"Hey! I need that to kill things!"Acid Storm cried in horror.

"You might want to go on ahead, this could get gory." Orange advised.

And with that, Orange kicked Acid Storm into a separate room and rushed after him. Through the wall, the others could hear the muffled sounds of a Decepticon being sliced into quarters.

"Well then, with him out of the way, I guess we have a clear shot at the control room, onwards!" Elita One shouted as she led the remaining Autobots towards their goal.

* * *

Outside, Firestar was torching the bodies of the Decepticons who Moonracer had killed suddenly, the ground around her started to hiss and melt. Looking up, she saw a hideous yellow pyramid jet zooming towards her.

"Lemon, Transform!" The jet cried out as it came in for a landing.

"Nitro?" Firestar asked.

"What?" A confused Lemon questioned back.

"Nitro, nitro. Glycerine, nitro-nitro. Nitro, glycerine...Nitro." Firestar replied.

Lemon looked around in confusion "Um, is there anybody out there who can translate or something?"

"NITROGLYCERINE!" Firestar shrieked as she opened fire on Lemon.

"Uh oh!" Lemon cried as he flew out of the way, barely missing the stream of nitroglycerine.

"Uh oh, trouble!" Green hissed to Moonracer.

"Aw, I don't like trouble..." Moonracer muttered.

"Well too bad, cause you got it!" Acid Rain cried as he sprayed a corrosive stream of acid at the pair.

"Take 'im down!" Green cried as she opened fire on the blue Seeker.

"Oh poor naive Green, shooting wildly into the air is a poor way to stop him, observe..." Moonracer told Green as she began tracking the path of Acid Rain with her rifle "Easy now...easy...Now!" At that, Moonracer squeezed the trigger, firing off a single shot...

...Which hit Acid Rain, causing him to explode in a brilliant ball of flame.

"Oh God! The agony! The agony! Is someone having a barbecue?" Acid Rain asked as he slammed in the ground.

"...Whoa..." Green muttered in astonishment.

"Quite...Oh, and it's your turn in Monopoly!" Moonracer replied.

* * *

Back inside, Elita One and her forces burst into the control room.

"Freeze Decepti-scum!" Chromia commanded as she and Vibes levelled their weapons at Shockwave.

"Ah yes, Elita One and her forces, what an unpleasant surprise." Shockwave muttered.

"You're coming with us Cyclops, we've got you surrounded!" Elita One cried.

"Well, perhaps so, but I'm sure there's one thing I'm sure that you didn't count on!" Shockwave informed them.

"And what's that?" Elita One asked, keeping her weapon trained on Shockwave, making sure not to blink.

"That I'd jump out the window!" Shockwave cried as he proceeded to do just that.

"Are you freaking kidding me?-!" Chromia shouted.

"Wow...did not expect that..." Vibes murmured.

"Yeah, I kinda figured he'd pull off something a whole lot more elaborate than just "jumping out the window"...Weird." Elita One said.

At that point, Orange walked in, carrying the severed arm of Acid Storm and "Hey, you wouldn't believe who I ran into...Dirge! Man, I cut him up good! So, what'd I miss?"

"Just Shockwave jumping out of the window to escape." Vibes replied.

Orange balked "Seriously? Wow that's lame. I mean, he's a genius and all he can come up with is "jumping out the window"?"

"I know right?"

"Well, at least we've got command of the base now, so...victory is ours!" Elita One cried.

And there was much rejoicing.

* * *

Outside, Firestar had just finished off Lemon and was now looking for more stuff to destroy. Looking around, her eyes settled on a big, red button.

"NITROGLYCERINE!"

And with the push of that button, the hidden explosives which had been planted in the Autobots base went off, completely obliterating it.

"...What was that?" Elita One asked.

* * *

Blaze: Aaaaaand, we're out! Well, we sincerely hope that you enjoyed yet another edition of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I know I did. Again, big thank you to Jesus Luvs Everyone for judging! So, we hope you enjoyed, please don't forget to review and finally...thanks for reading! Bye!


	48. Adventures in Space Time! Part I

Ashlyn: Sigh. Hello once again to yet another chapter of...They Just Don't Care Anymore...yay. Of course, the Author only owns his OCs, such as the Minions and does not own The Transformers or any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers...Of course, you'd have realised this by now, I', sure. Well, I'm not really one for introductions, or to go on unnecessarily, so I'll leave you to the story. Thanks for reading, review we hope you enjoy, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. I'll see you at the end.

* * *

Backstage Minion Idol Errol was walking around, looking for Lisa. Unfortunately, what he did not realise was that he was being followed.

"Lisa? Hello? Are you back here?" Errol called out "I thought we'd agreed that you'd sing _The Only Exception_! You know, the whole love serenade thing we planned out?" _Is this too clingy? Am I being creepy? Nah. _Errol thought to himself.

"I like you." A voice from behind him murmured.

Errol jumped and looked behind him to see that weird four armed girl who was with Ember's band. Breach or Beach or something.

"Uh...thank you?" Errol replied uncertainly.

"You can be my new favourite, the last one wasn't so good. But you will be, you'll be better." Breach said cryptically.

Errol began to back away, unnerved "Um, that's very...flattering, but I have a girlfriend."

"No, you will be my favourite." Breach told him stubbornly, approaching him.

Suddenly, Sparky and Jasmine walked in.

"Look Jasmine, this has to stop! We broke up!" Sparky exclaimed.

"Meow! Oh come on! You can't blame me for trying!" Jasmine shot back.

"But it's creeping me out! I'm very happy with Jenny!"

...Followed by Jack and Ember.

"I'm just saying I contribute a lot, maybe I should get a solo." Jack said to Ember.

"You'll get a solo when I say you can get a solo!" Ember snapped "Avrute! Kollekio! Hook! Bring the stuff!"

"Yes your bossiness!" Kollekio muttered as he, Mr. Hook and Avrute struggled to carry the equipment.

"Why aren't they helping?" Avrute asked, referring to Biowulf and Skalamander, who were hanging back behind them.

"We're on break." Skalamander replied.

"Scabs." Mr. Hook spat with disgust.

"What did you call me?-!" Biowulf snarled, baring his claws.

And then came Mia and Vlad.

"Come on! Let me see you without the scarf and goggles!" Mia cried out, chasing Vlad around.

"No way! I'm not taking them off!" Vlad called out.

"Then I'll take them off for you!" Mia shouted, laughing.

"Oh, Sparky! There you are!" Jenny called out.

"Where is that blue haired little whelp?" Girom muttered "I need something to vent my anger on."

"Anyone up for a game of poker?" Luxord asked, holding out a deck of cards.

Breach was beginning to get agitated, there were too many people here and they were all talking at once.

"Hazel please, be reasonable!" Gary pleaded.

"I am being reasonable! That watery creep stole my helmet and I reason that he must be strung up and left out to dry!" Hazel snapped.

"Oh! Sparky, can I get a photo with you?" Taz asked, running over to him.

"What the hell? Errol, why are you talking to that weird girl?" Lisa asked.

"ENOUGH! I want all of you to SHUT UP!" Breach screamed, silencing all those around her.

"...Uh, what?" Jack asked.

"I'm sending you all away! Far away where you can't bother me!" Breach shouted.

"Breach! I command you to-!" Ember began.

"SHUT UP!" Breach screamed, before rising into the air and seemingly exploding into a huge portal. Suddenly, a strong suction began pulling them all in.

"Whoa! Run away!" Demyx shouted, turning to run...before another portal opened up in front of him, swallowing him up.

"What the hell happened?-!" Gauntlet exclaimed.

"It looks like she's gone crazy!" Hideki cried, before another portal opened up beneath him, pulling him in.

"Hideki!" Sparky shouted, before a portal sucked him in.

"SPARKY!" Jenny, Jasmine and Taz all shouted at once.

"Screw this! I'm going in!" Jasmine shouted as she ran forward and leapt into a portal that had opened up.

"Idiot girl! Wait up!" Jenny cried, running after her only to be sucked into a different portal.

"I'm getting the hell out of here!" Jack shouted, activating his jetpack.

"That goes double for me!" Ember added, hopping onto her guitar.

Unfortunately for all of them, the suction of the portals increased, threatening to suck all but Lexaeus in.

"This really suuuuuuuuucks!" Jack shouted as he found himself unable to resist the pull of the portals any longer and was sucked in.

"That's not fuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnyyyyy!" Ember shouted back as she was pulled off of her guitar and into another one of Breach's portals.

"Shelakey!" Avrute cried, digging his ÄRM into the ground.

"Grab him!" Mr. Hook shouted, grabbing onto Avrute's boot.

"Gotcha!" Kollekio exclaimed, proceeding to seize Mr. Hook's peg leg.

"You fools! Let go or you'll drag us all in!" Avrute shouted as he felt himself be drawn into the nearest portal.

"No way!" Kollekio protested.

"You're not going to save yourself and leave us to perish!" Mr. Hook added.

"C-can't hold on!" Avrute gasped as his grip finally loosened "You idiots!" And with that, they were all sucked in.

"I believe I shall gamble with fate and see what happens! Au revoir!" Luxord cried as he let go of the hold he had and was promptly sucked into a portal.

"Idiot! He'll never survive!" Zexion exclaimed in shock, before he lost his grip.

"Zexion!" Lexaeus cried out, running after his friend, reaching out to grab him...only to grasp thin air as Zexion vanished into a portal which promptly closed over.

"Oh no! Not me! Not me!" Girom shrieked as he too was lost to a portal.

Not far away, Ashlyn was beating her wings furiously to escape a stray portal. It was for naught however, when James slammed into her and they were both knocked into separate portals.

"Eep!" Crystal gasped as she too was sucked in.

"Take my hand!" Mia cried out as Vlad struggled to hold onto a rope.

Struggling, Vlad reached out to grab Mia's hand...and lost his grip, finding himself flying away.

Finally, it seemed as if the worst was over, the suction lessened and soon, the flow of portals ceased, and the remaining Minion Idol competitors looked around to survey the area.

"Where the hell did they go?" Gauntlet asked hesitantly.

"No idea, that psycho pulled those into her portals, they could be at any place or any time in the Multiverse!" Vexen replied.

The Author slammed his head against a wall "Damn it! Now we're missing most of the band!"

"Yes, that is unfortunate." Robert muttered as he and his assistant Gary walked in, surveying the scene.

"So...what now?" Charlie asked.

"Well, we need performers so someone will have to go and...retrieve them." Robert replied.

"How? How can we do that?" Justin asked.

"This building is equipped with Multiversal teleporters, as most of our performers are from different dimensions. All we'd need to do is send someone in, one dimension at a time." Gary explained.

"Yes, but that could take decades! There are infinite numbers of dimensions! It would be like finding one specific needle in a needle factory!" Gauntlet protested.

Robert shrugged "Well, it's the best chance we've got so far. So, any volunteers?"

"I'll do it." Taz piped up, raising her hand.

Roman scoffed "Yeah, I wonder why?"

Taz glared at him, before turning to Robert "So, where are these teleporters?"

"Over here." Mia pointed out "I'll be going with you."

"Why?" Taz asked.

"...I have my reasons, as I'm sure you do, a certain blonde boy perhaps?" Mia replied.

Taz blushed, before walking over to the teleporters "So, we'll split up, we'll cover more ground that way."

"Agreed." Mia said.

And with that, they teleported off into the unknown.

* * *

"Ugh, where am I?" Sparky asked, shaking his head and looking around to see...

Zombies. Millions upon millions of zombies. And they were all converging on him.

Sparky whimpered.

* * *

"Springwood Ohio." Hideki read off of a sign "Hmmm, now why does that seem so familiar?"

He gazed carefully at the sign. It was green, but there were flecks of what Hideki assumed were paint. Red and green...Hideki thought that may have been significant somehow, but he wasn't sure.

Springwood, red, green. Springwood, red, green. Springwood, red, green, slasher, knives, fedora, Krueg-

Hideki's eyes shot wide open "Oh hell no!"

* * *

James found himself backed against a wall as a huge creature with dozens of eyes and oozing purple skin advanced on him.

"P-Plasmus?" James gasped.

Plasmus raised his arm, ready to strike...

* * *

Outside, the Autobots were beginning their annual dodge ball competition with the humans, and they were all there: Carly, Spike, Daniel, Chip Chase, Sparkplug, Sara. Yep, everyone. On the Autobots team was Optimus Prime, Cliffjumper, Inferno, Wheeljack, Red Alert and Starscream's ghost. Yeah, as I'm sure you've already guessed, this is absolutely not going to end well.

"Alright, so we all know the rules, I'm sure. Whoever gets hit is out, catch a ball and an out team member gets back in, etcetera, etcetera." Optimus Prime explained "Slingshot is referee and as I'm sure you know, he does not give a damn about the rules. Understood? Ok then...begin!"

And with that, the game started with Cliffjumper quickly breaking at least thirteen of Sparkplug's ribs with a single throw.

"Oh God! The agony! The agony! Why God, why?-! Why were we made to feel such pain?-!" Sparkplug shrieked.

Jazz observed the match and shook his head "You know, I'm not sure if that's supposed to be funny or needlessly cruel."

Beside him, Springer shrugged "With this series, it's a very thin line."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Daniel was out next when Wheeljack gave him a barrage of dodgeballs fired out from one of Wheeljack's latest inventions: A dodgeball minigun cannon...Yes, it was awesome...or again, horrifically cruel, either one.

"Exterminate! Exterminate!" Chip Chase exclaimed as he began firing dodgeballs from a cannon on his wheelchair...which inexplicably resembled a Dalek for some reason.

"Do you think this could be interpreted as offensive towards the handicapped?" Spike asked Carly.

"Probably...boy, we're doing an awful lot of lampshade hangings in this chapter, aren't we?" Carly replied, before Inferno blew both of them away with a pair of dodgeballs fired from his napalm hose.

"Exterminate! Extermin-Urk!" Chip Chase cried as Optimus promptly crushed him with a humongous dodgeball.

"Keep at it lads! It looks like it's just that Canadian chick with the headgear left!" Optimus shouted to his team.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Sara and Air Raid cried out at the same time.

"Ok, you sons of bitches are going to pay for that one! Kukris, go!" Sara shouted, before leaping up into the air and pulling out a pair of kukris-

And promptly getting shot by Red Alert, sending her small form flying off into the distance.

"I got her!" Red Alert cried triumphantly.

"Aha! Victory for the Autobots once again team! Boy, beating up those humans sure was fun! I think we may have even severely injured them! We sure-Ack!" Optimus cried as a dodgeball hit him in the wrecking balls.

"Revenge! Exterminate!" Chip Chase shouted, before wobbling off on a severely damaged wheelchair.

"Optimus! Are you alright?" Goldbug asked, concerned.

"No I'm not alright dumbass! He hit me in the nuts!" Optimus shouted as he clutched his crotch.

"Dude, did you piss yourself?" Hauler asked, noticing that the ground around Optimus was wet.

"Aw God damn it! Aw, I think there's blood in it!" Optimus exclaimed in a mixture of horror and disgust.

It was at that point that a grossly obese man waddled up to Optimus and stared at him.

"My name is Cee Dubya Cee and a few things about this weird me out. First off, if you pissed yourself, shouldn't you have expelled transmission fluid and found _oil _in it? And also "severely injured those humans"? I've been a fan of you guys my whole life, and believe me, you Autobots care for humans more than that, so you shouldn't cheer for something so sad! I've got an idea for a better adventure! How about Galvatron kills Goldbug and Optimus sues him and stuff? Yeah, and then-and then, you could hire Starscream as a lawyer because he's always betrayin' people and stuff! Yeah, that could be wacky right?"

Optimus regarded Cee Dubya Cee for a moment, seeming to consider what this bizarre human was saying...before quickly stomping on him and grinding him into the ground.

"Fucking virgins with rage!" Optimus snarled.

* * *

Sparky let out a shriek as the zombies began to close in on him. Managing to form a rational thought, he pulled out his L-Board and flew off, causing the zombies to attempt to reach up and grab him.

"Alright, alright...don't panic, you'll get out of this, you just need to...Oh jeez, oh jeez..." Sparky muttered in a panic, near the point of hyperventilating.

Setting down on the top of a building, he surveyed the city. As he had feared, it was zombies and flaming buildings as far as the eye could see.

"What the hell happened here?" Sparky asked himself.

At that point, he heard the sound of a gun cocking behind him.

"Put your hands behind your head unless you want to lose it!" A tough sounding voice snarled.

Nervously, Sparky complied.

"Now turn around." A feminine, yet equally strong voice added.

Sparky did as he was instructed and came face to face with two people in army fatigues. One was a young man with black hair and a carbine, a private judging by the bands on his arm, whereas the other was a woman with blonde hair, a rifle and apparently a lieutenant. They seemed somehow familiar, but Sparky couldn't quite place where he had seen them before.

The two soldiers on the other hand, seemed to recognise him immediately.

"What the-? Sparky! What the hell are you doing here man?" The private asked.

"And what's with the outfit?" The lieutenant asked.

"Um, how do you two know me? And where am I?" Sparky asked hesitantly, not wanting to upset the two people with guns trained at his chest.

"Sparky, it's us! Edan and Zatch!" The private exclaimed.

"Yeah, did you hit your head or something?" The lieutenant named Zatch asked.

Something in Sparky's mind clicked.

"Wait, Edan? Zatch? Didn't I meet you guys at a party for a giant transforming robot or something?" Sparky asked.

Zatch and Edan exchanged confused glances.

"Uh, Sparky, I think you need to hand over whatever it is you've been drinking, smoking or injecting." Zatch told Sparky.

"Yeah, or at least share it." Edan muttered.

Sparky paused for a moment to consider the recent events. Errol had been talking to that weird girl, weird girl had gotten upset and then...created a bunch of portals! Sparky realised that he must have been sent into another dimension...it was weirdly common for him.

"Look guys, I guess I must look like someone you know and I guess in a way, I am him...but not him, exactly." Sparky tried to explain.

Zatch gave him a funny look, before stepping toward him "Ok Sparky, I know you were never the sanest guy around, but I think you've lost it this time, come with us."

"No, wait! What I mean to say is, I come from a dimension different from yours!" Sparky exclaimed, stepping back.

"An alternate dimension?" Edan snorted "Prove it!"

Sparky shrugged, before leaping off the building.

"NO!" Zatch and Edan cried out at the same time.

"Wait to go idiot! You killed him! Jenny's gonna-Oh my God!" Zatch exclaimed in horror.

"Me?-! How is this my fault?" Edan cried.

"You encouraged him! Stress must have gotten to him!" Zatch retorted.

"Ahem, guys?" Sparky interrupted as he floated on his L-Board.

The two soldiers gaped at him, finally, Edan broke the silence.

"...Whoa..." Edan muttered, stunned by the revelation.

"So, you mentioned Jenny? Take me to her." Sparky ordered.

* * *

In Springwood, Hideki was staring at the sign.

"Aw hell no! This is the worst thing ever! Alright, calm down, at least you know that this place is bad news, so you can just walk away. Yeah, tha's what I'll do! I'll just turn and walk away!" Hideki said to himself as he turned around to put as much distance between himself and Springwood as possible...

...Before a car rounded a corner and struck him.

"Urgh!" Hideki exclaimed.

"Holy shit!"

"Oh my God! Did we just hit someone?-!"

"Shit! Everyone just calm down! We'll take him to the hospital and say we found him like this in the middle of the road! Everybody got that?"

Before he passed out, Hideki tried to protest, to fight back and stop them from taking him into the town and into the impending danger. But he couldn't, he could only watch through fading vision as he was pulled into what was the worst town in America aside from Ruckersville Virginia.

* * *

James backed away from Plasmus, only to head straight into a wall. Plasmus let out a chuckle as he prepared to strike...and suddenly, his arm was frozen solid.

"What?" James asked as Plasmus looked at his frozen arm in shock.

Both turned to see where the shot had come from and standing behind Plasmus was...another James! This one however was clad in armour, and was red with dark blue.

"Freeze Plasmus! Your spree of terror is over!" Alternate James cried.

"Dude...what?" James asked, shocked.

Alternate James peered past Plasmus and saw an identical version of him.

"Uh?" Alternate James gasped.

Taking advantage of the situation, Plasmus sprayed both with his slime.

"Oh God damn it! The slime depowers me!" Alternate James shouted in frustration.

"Yeah, I know, it's the same with me." James replied as he tried to sneak past Plasmus while he was distracted by Alternate James.

Plasmus roared and blocked James, before knocking Alternate James down with a sweep from one mighty arm.

"Oh great doing dipshit! Now we're both going to die!" Alternate James spat.

"Hey! How is this my fault?" James asked.

"If you hadn't shown up then I could have handled this freak!" Alternate James shot back.

Suddenly, from above: "Never fear citizens! Sparky and his sweetheart are here to save the day!"

"Huh?" James asked as he and Plasmus turned skyward.

Alternate James covered his eyes with his hand "Oh Jesus no, not these freaks!"

Inexplicably, what sounded like _Total Eclipse of the Heart _began to play. A bolt of lightning streaked towards Plasmus, striking him and forcing him onto his knees.

Flying above them was what appeared to be Sparky and Jenny, yet somehow they were different. Sparky seemed to be even more of a pretty boy than normal, hell, he was even sparkling. Jenny meanwhile was suddenly gorgeous, and even though she was not exactly plain before, now she seemed to take James' breathe away.

"Clear a path for me dear!" Alternate Jenny told Alternate Sparky.

"As you wish darling!" Alternate Sparky replied as he fired another bolt of lightning, this one piercing Plasmus' goopy hide and creating an opening.

"Thank you my love!" Alternate Jenny cried as she leapt off of Alternate Sparky's L-Board and through opening Sparky had made.

When she was through the other side, she was carrying an unconscious man.

"Well...that was different..." James muttered as Alternate James walked up to the Alternate couple.

"I...ugh...thank you for your assistance, however unnecessary, but I should be capable of escorting Plasmus back to prison." Alternate James informed Alternate Sparky and Alternate Jenny.

"Oh no, that's alright! We would be glad to assist you, wouldn't we honey?" Alternate Jenny asked Alternate Sparky.

"Oh, of course sweetie!" Alternate Sparky replied, beaming at her.

Alternate James grimaced "Really, I'm sure Mantis will be expecting you, so why don't you-?"

"Hmmm?" Alternate Jenny asked, peering past Alternate James to James "Oh! And who is this? He's adorable!"

"Um...hi." James greeted wearily.

"Why, he's the spitting image of you James! Wouldn't you say cutest?" Alternate Sparky asked.

"He sure does my beloved! The outfit is different of course, but other than that they're identical!" Alternate Jenny replied as she peered at James.

"Yes...who are you exactly?" Alternate James asked, narrowing his eyes at regular James.

"Well, I'm...I'm..." James stammered.

"Oh! I think I know! I bet he's from another dimension!" Alternate Jenny exclaimed.

"Of course! That would explain the similar resemblance and his sudden appearance! You're so smart my dearest!" Alternate Sparky gushed.

Alternate James began to grind his teeth in annoyance, before turning to James "So, you're an alternate me?"

"Um, yeah, I guess so. I don't suppose you know how I could get back home?" James asked.

Alternate James paused to consider it, before shaking his head "I'm afraid not. Tell you what though, why don't you come back with me to my base and we'll try to sort things out?"

"Sounds like a plan for now." James replied.

"Oh, goody! I don't think we've seen your mansion James!" Alternate Sparky cried.

"Well I wasn't-" Alternate James began.

"Cool! You can give us a tour once we've got this doppelganger settled in! Come along dear!" Alternate Jenny said as she led James by the arm.

"Are they always like this?" James asked Alternate James as he was dragged past him.

Alternate James sighed "Regrettably, yes. How I loathe them and their blatant affections."

* * *

Elsewhere...

"Here, have some broth, it's yummy!" Creedence Leonore Gieguld insisted, pushing a steaming cup into Roxie's hand.

"Why is it smoking?" Roxie asked, grimacing.

"...No reason!" Creedence replied with a smile.

"Oh my Gaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwd! It's delicious!" The nerd that Roxie had run into exclaimed.

"What is wrong with you?" Roxie asked, glaring at the nerd, whose name was Arnie, or something equally stupid.

"Good, now have some corn and pastries! Also yummy!" Creedence added, shoving a plate of green corn and bread into Roxie's face.

"It's green. Why is it green?" Roxie questioned with a frown.

"...No it's not." Creedence replied.

"Yes it is! Do you really expect me to eat that shit?" Roxie asked, getting annoyed.

"Oh my Gaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwd! This food is friggin awesome and in no way a trap of some kind!" Arnie shouted.

"Were you dropped on the head as a baby? Like, repeatedly?" Roxie asked.

"Now, eat your food and drink your broth so that I can summon my goblin-troll hordes-duh, I mean...sex...something about sex...that's what you people want, isn't it?" Creedence asked.

"You're not fooling anyone mate! You're obviously evil!" Roxie cried, throwing her arms up.

"...No I'm not. In fact, I am a vegetarian." Creedence replied, eyes darting all over the place.

"That doesn't make any God damn sense! I just saw you eat some stupid blonde chick!"

"...No I didn't! That was a plant...with hair and fingernails." Creedence attempted to justify.

"Oh screw it! You freaks can burn in hell!" Roxie exclaimed, throwing her broth into Creedence's face and smashing the mug onto Artie's head.

"Oh my Gaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwd!" Artie screamed as he collapsed.

"Aw shut up!" Roxie snapped as she walked off.

Behind a nearby door, Artie's friend Bret came, struggling to open it.

"Don't worry my friend who I am in a totally platonic and not in any way romantic relationship with! I shall save-urk!" Bret cried as Roxie kicked the door down on top of him.

"Shove it nerds!" Roxie shouted.

"Foooood!" A goblin moaned...before getting its face smashed in by Roxie's boot.

The nearby goblin army quickly suffered the same fate. And so the one sided goblin beating continued until, not watching where she was going, Roxie stepped through a portal, finding herself backstage of _Minion Idol_.

"Well that was convenient." Gideon muttered as one of his band members returned.

* * *

Outside of their base, the Autobots were setting up a pie making competition! Yay!

"Another competition? What happened with the dodgeball thing?" Jazz asked, puzzled.

"Oh, that was just like a warm up or something." Hauler explained.

"We needed a warm up for a pie baking competition?" A now even more puzzled Jazz asked.

In response, Hauler shrugged.

"And now to inspect the pies with my fellow judges, Jazz and Hauler!" Optimus exclaimed as he approached the benches.

First up was Starscream's ghost.

"Ah, let me have a sample!" Optimus Prime said as he tried to eat the pie...only for it to smash against his faceplate "Damn it! This keeps happening!"

Jazz sighed and removed Prime's faceplate for him. There was a collective gasp as everyone witnessed what was beneath it.

"What is he?-!" Bluestreak cried.

"That's not normal! That's not normal at all!" Springer shouted.

"Ah, thank you Jazz! Now, to taste the pie..." Prime murmured as he placed a slice into what could only loosely called a mouth...before spitting it back out "Ech! What's in this pie man!"

Starscream's ghost, still traumatised by what was under Optimus' faceplate whimpered "M-my ashes..."

Optimus, Jazz and Hauler all stared at him, wide eyed "What."

"I used my very own ashes for flavour...and so that a little piece of me would always be within you!" Starscream's ghost replied.

At that point, Optimus began to vomit copiously "Oh dear God! Someone fetch me a bucket!"

"Uh, next competitor..." Jazz said nervously as he and Hauler escorted Prime to the next bench.

Next was Cosmos and his pie...which seemed to have limbs sticking out from it...and not just animal limbs either...

"Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot." Hauler muttered, eyes wide with shock.

"Yes, it does look delicious doesn't it? Here, have a piece!" Cosmos offered, holding out a slice for them to sample.

"Are those Windcharger's arms?-!" Jazz cried, examining the pie closely.

"...No." Cosmos replied.

"This sickens even me! Next!" Optimus Prime exclaimed, pushing Cosmos down before moving on, leaving Cosmos to sob.

The next pie was Inferno's...fittingly enough, it was on fire.

"How the hell did you manage _that_?" Hauler asked.

"Napalm!" Inferno replied with a smile as he held out his pie.

"No." Optimus said flatly.

"But I-!" Inferno began to protest.

"No." Optimus interrupted, before walking off.

* * *

On some other plane of existence...

"Ugh...my head..." Crystal groaned as she sat up and clutched at her head.

Looking around, she could see that she was on the roof of a building. The only problem was she had no idea where she was exactly. Suddenly, an explosion rang out and Crystal walked over to the edge of the building.

Down in the street she could see a pink humanoid creature with a helmet and jetpack dart around while accompanying it was a Japanese man in a business suit wielding an umbrella and a man with a helmet and a single, giant eye from which he was firing lasers. Fighting them were a man-chameleon hybrid, a winged man wielding a bow and clad in hoplite armour, a cactus man with green skin and spikes protruding from his body and a man who had six tentacles growing out of his back. From the looks of it, the latter team seemed to be winning.

"Which side should I help?" Crystal pondered, watching the battle "Eh, wing it."

And with that, she charged up a large fireball and threw it into the midst of the fighting. Immediately, they all stopped and turned to see Crystal on top of the building.

"What the-? Beamer, is she one of our new recruits" Karakasa asked.

"I don't think so...Hey! Squiddy! Is she yours?" Beamer called out.

"The name is Blooper you cycloptic cretin! And no she is not! Eros, Spines, take her out!" Blooper ordered.

"At once!" Spines replied, before firing number of needles at Crystal.

"You got it!" Eros added as he did the same with a volley of arrows made from energy.

Crystal returned fire, knocking a few arrows and needles away, only for a number to get past her fire. She ducked and threw more fireballs once the shots momentarily stopped.

"Karakasa, Beamer, lay down suppressive fire while I get that girl down from that building." Kirby ordered.

"Understood." Karakasa replied as he activated the machine gun located in his umbrella.

While Chameleo Arm spat multicoloured energy blasts at the heroes, Blooper noticed what Kirby was trying to do and prepared to launch a harpoon from his gun at him, when his communicator began to beep.

"This is Blooper, come in." Blooper spoke.

"Cease the distraction, we have claimed our objective." Ludwig commanded.

"Got it. Eros, Spines, get back here! Chameleo Arm, mask our escape!" Blooper shouted.

"On it!" Chameleo Arm hissed as the air around the four villains shimmered, until they were all completely hidden from view.

"Damn! They're getting away!" Beamer cursed as he fired wildly into the street, hoping to hit the fleeing villains.

"Cease fire! You're just going to cause collateral damage if you keep that up!" Karakasa reprimanded.

"Who are you?" Kirby asked as he hovered in front of Crystal.

"Uh...Crystal and right now I'm very confused." Crystal replied.

* * *

Back in the zombie dimension, Sparky was being escorted to the base of the surviving humans.

"Oh man, Jenny is going to freak when she sees this guy." Edan murmured to Zatch.

"How do you think our Sparky's going to take it?" Zatch whispered.

"Three packets of gum that he faints." Edan offered.

"You're on!" Zatch agreed.

They finally arrived back at an abandoned prison.

"Honey, we're home!" Edan called out.

"Jenny!" Sparky shouted as he launched himself, arms outstretched at that universe's Jenny, who had much shorter hair, but was still recognisable.

"Wha-? Sparky, we saw each other five minutes ago!" Jenny giggled, before noticing Sparky's...unusual attire "What are you wearing?"

"Ugh, get a room you two." A non-green skinned, wingless Ashlyn muttered with disgust.

"Uh, guys?" Zatch piped up "That's not Sparky, or at least not our Sparky."

"What do you mean?" Jenny asked.

"He says he's from another dimension." Edan replied.

Jenny looked concerned and held her hand to Sparky's forehead "Sparky, are you feeling alright? The zombies can't get you in here, you're safe."

Sparky stepped back "What? No, this isn't a fear induced insanity! I really am from another dimension!"

Ashlyn sighed and stepped forward "Allow me." She peered closely at Sparky, squinting, before turning to Jenny "Yep, he's not our Sparky."

"But...how can you tell?" Jenny asked.

"I'm his best friend, I can tell." Ashlyn replied, before walking off "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find our Sparky and show him this...thing."

"Well at least Ashlyn is mostly the same." Sparky muttered, rolling his eyes.

Jenny frowned "Sparky, maybe you should lie down, ok? I'm a little worried about you."

"No, seriously, I'm fine." Sparky replied, backing up.

"Oh my God!" A familiar voice cried out.

"What? Oh!" Jenny gasped as the Sparky of her universe stepped towards them.

"Told you." Zatch said as Edan handed her a pack of gum.

* * *

In Alternate James' mansion...

"I love you pumpkin." Alternate Jenny told Alternate Sparky lovingly.

"I love you too honey bunny." Alternate Sparky replied...also quite lovingly.

Alternate James rolled his eyes as James mimed gagging. At that point, the doorbell rang and Alternate James went to answer it.

"Hey sweetie!" A young woman with blonde hair greeted as she walked through the door.

Alternate James grimaced "I wish you wouldn't call me that."

"Would you prefer sweetness?" She asked teasingly.

"Zatch?-!" James exclaimed in shock.

"Hmm?" Zatch asked, looking around before her eyes settled on James "Oh! James, do you have a twin that you've never told me about? Clone? Android?"

"Actually, he's from an alternate dimension, he got sent here and he's looking for a way home." Alternate James explained.

"Oh, so he's like the Quantum Leap guy." Zatch muttered, peering closely at James.

"Um, who?" James asked.

"She's into Eighties stuff, her entire iPod is filled with Eighties music." Alternate James replied.

"Yep." Zatch replied absentmindedly as she brushed a stay strand of hair from James' eye, causing him to step back nervously.

"Um, sorry, I'm confused...so, you two are dating in this universe?" James asked.

"Yeah, we met at a party being held for one of those giant transforming robots." Alternate James revealed.

"Is there a...me in your universe?" Zatch asked.

"Well, yeah, but we're just pen-pals. We met at the same party though." James replied.

"What am I like? I'm nice, right?" Zatch questioned.

"Yeah, you're about the same in terms of personality...the Zatch in my universe doesn't have bangs though." James answered.

Zatch smiled "Yes! I remain unique!"

James frowned "So, wait, what happened to Crystal?"

Alternate James, in the midst of sipping tea, immediately did a spit take "Crystal?-! For the love of God man, please don't tell me you and her are...are...urgh!"

James looked confused "Why? What's wrong with Crystal?"

"She's immature..." Alternate James began.

"Argumentative." Zatch added.

"Stubborn."

"Hot tempered."

"Redheaded." Alternate James scowled.

"Oh...how bad could she really be?" James asked uncertainly.

"...She set my hair on fire." Alternate James replied.

"...But aside from that?" James queried after a pause.

"She set my house on fire."

"...Oh..."

"Maybe he should see her for himself?" Zatch suggested.

"Yeah, maybe that'd be for the best." James said.

Alternate James shrugged "Alright man, but it's your funeral."

* * *

On some alien planet, Taz was looking around "Hello? Sparky? Anyone here?"

Suddenly, she heard inhuman yowling.

"Eep! Please don't let them torture you!" Taz cried as she ran towards the noise and saw...Jasmine getting massaged by a number of small, squid like aliens.

"Sha-La!" The aliens greeted.

"Um...ok, what's going on here?" Taz asked.

"Meow? Oh, it's you! Well, I got sucked into a portal and wound up here were these nice little critters found me!" Jasmine replied.

"Oh, I was hoping I'd find Sparky..." Taz muttered.

"Aw, that's so cute! Someone has a crush!" Jasmine teased.

Taz blushed "Shut up! I do not!"

"It couldn't be more obvious kiddo, you hang around him, ask for autographs and get all nervous when you talk to him! Face it, you're smitten!" Jasmine explained.

Taz glared "Just shut up and come with me so we can find the others!"

"Meow, by which you mean Sparky? Right?" Jasmine asked playfully.

Taz growled in response.

"Meow! Temper, temper! Cya later guys!" Jasmine called out to the aliens as she walked off with Taz.

"Cya! Sha-La!" The aliens shouted back, waving.

"So, wanna talk about it?" Jasmine asked.

"No." Taz shot back.

"Aw, come on, you can trust me! Do I have the face of a liar?" Jasmine asked.

Taz sighed "Alright, look, do you know how many Australian heroes there are? Not a lot, Sparky was the first one I ever heard about and I thought he was cool. He's kinda my hero." Taz replied.

"Aw, how sweet!" Jasmine gushed.

"Just shut and get in the portal!" Taz snapped as they found their way back to the portal which brought Taz there.

* * *

Back at the Autobot pie competition, Optimus and his fellow judges were inspecting Wheeljack's pie.

"Will it explode?" Jazz asked nervously.

"Probably...er, probably not is what I meant to say! Yes." Wheeljack replied.

"So what flavour is it?" Hauler asked.

"Explosion-Der, I mean...cherry!" Wheeljack answered.

"Oh boy! I love cherry! Gimme!" Optimus exclaimed, reaching for the pie.

"Wait, are those canisters of nitroglycerin?" Jazz asked.

The resulting explosion took out a nine mile area. Fortunately, the only casualty was Dirge...and two dozen innocent bystanders. But all in all, it was a good day...for Wheeljack.

* * *

Ashlyn: And there you have it, yeah, another two parter, the Author is just so damn lazy. What are you gonna do? Anyway, once again, we hope that you enjoyed this...drivel, please remember to review and finally...sigh, thanks for reading! Now where's my paycheck?


End file.
